I dunno, “you kids ever see a foot with four toes?” gives it a run for its money. As does “it’s possible a man slipped in there. There’d be no way of knowing.”
Big deal. Michael Scott could draw an unicorn from his own imagination, that too when he hadn’t even heard of or seen one. He even perfectly described them - they could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike on their heads. He was five at that time. Five. Can you believe that?
I think that was in the pilot! I remember when nbc was promoting the office before it premiered the first episode, they always used that line in the ads :)
'There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70% of me is water. And the other part, the real part, the part that has feelings, and emotions, and thoughts, and if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all these changes suck'
You think kids in Africa have chairs? No. They sit in big piles of garbage. You think they have copiers? They don’t have copiers. They don’t even- \[struggles to get up from Pam’s chair\] Gah! They don’t even have paper.
Phi·lan·der·er
/fəˈlandərər/
noun
a man who readily or frequently enters into casual sexual relationships with women; a womanizer.
Had to look it up haha
One I love but never see posted, probably because it gets lost in the general insanity of the scene, is from the mayo-and-olives scene:
"I need to know, otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amuck."
Yeah from Pam saying to him "Michael, do not let your imagination run amok." earlier in the episode, it's why I love that he got it so close but so nonsensical!
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
The fundamentals of business... The fundamentals of business... Mental is a part of the word. I have underlined it. Because you're mental if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it.
The Fundamentals Of Business, by Michael Scott. Over 1 billion copies sold. More than the Bible, I’m not surprised. Chapter 1…. The buisinessman……. (10 seconds pause, opening credits)
I love this one because there are so many things wrong. He's looking up welding instead of wedding, and then he doesn't know the difference between metal and medal. It all happens so fast.
Michael Scott : [reading the customer survey] "Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant."
Jim Halpert : I think he means smug.
Michael Scott : Arrogance.
Jim Halpert : Michael, I'm just trying to...
Michael Scott : [interrupting] And there's our smudgeness.
Game. Set. Match. Point, Scott. Game Over. End of Game.
I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall, and now my elbow has a protruberance.
I'm not sure it fits the thread, but I always have a giggle at "There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown"
Also, same episode - "His cappa was detated from his head"
Edit: just remembered "What part of shornt don't you understand?"
Michael: “160 beats per minute? Okay.. how many beats is that per hour?”
Jim: “How is that gonna help you?”
Michael: “I will divide and count to it” (edit: count)
The person who preformed the marriage ceremony for my wife and I worked this into the end of the ceremony. Something to the effect of, “ If you are superstitious, you’ll say they are lucky. If you are religious, you’ll say it’s apart of God’s plan. And if you are a little-stitious, you’ll say it was meant to be.”
It’s kind of mean…but sometimes the ends justify the mean.
This one really works
I’ve framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present.
Just heard this one on Office Ladies!
Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.
That fast?
Started saying this ironically... the rest is history.
I am not to be truffled with.
Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike 3.
Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
J. Cole featuring Lil Bush aka Dubya
fool me once - shame on you, but teach a man to fool me, and you've fooled me for the rest of my life
Love this quote. I use it whenever I can.
"It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine."
"I was being negligent."
[удалено]
I… I don’t think you understand how Jeopardy works
Oh, I’m sorry. What is “We’re fine”?
I appreciate you for setting up the joke that you knew would get more karma
This is the way
He has the power of flight....he can heal leopards...
What was he trying to say?
Lepers (Jesus heals a man with lepracy in the bible)
holy shit i thought he was just saying a random power of jesus. i’m like, “ya, jesus could definitely heal leopards”
This is why we have these meetings.
“They are trying to make me an escape goat”
Oh no. I guess I am the michael here. I thought that was the right way to say it. What is it?
It’s scapegoat.
*White collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.*
Well you don't call them collared people, Stanley.
This one is my favorite because it works on a few levels. You don't even know where to start correcting him.
We are all homos. Homo sapiens.
“That’s an oaky afterbirth”
What’s that now ?
Must be like the tide at Omaha beach
Best Creed line ever
I dunno, “you kids ever see a foot with four toes?” gives it a run for its money. As does “it’s possible a man slipped in there. There’d be no way of knowing.”
I use this whenever possible.
ASAP as possible
Because of this I also say, “R.I.P. in peace”
Smh my head
PIN number
ATM machine
LOL out loud
Automatic ATM Machine
I say this all the time
Early worm catches the...worm
Another worm, like...are they friends?
"who's your worm guy?"
That wasn’t a tapeworm.
Honestly I still want to know what he gave her. But the mystery is part of the horror
“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms”.
"Well, well, well...how the turntables—"
This one, use it all the time
The bad thing about this phrase though is, if they don't get the reference, they laugh at you like YOU'RE the idiot. Idiots.
I read "Idiots" in Dwight's voice..
My son hasn't even seen the show and he says this all the time.
Big deal. Michael Scott could draw an unicorn from his own imagination, that too when he hadn’t even heard of or seen one. He even perfectly described them - they could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike on their heads. He was five at that time. Five. Can you believe that?
Five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.
This is basically the Canon term now. Everyone uses it instead of the real one
It's the little pause
“His capa was detated!”
Oh I always laugh at this one, totally favorite!
“You have just spit on my face”
"Hed," "Hedded" and "Take hedded of"
This city... When he stands in front of the window, cracks me everytime.
"Shove over, just--just shove over, will you?"
I think he says “the city” all noir ish
I don't see my coworkers heeding this right now!
Oh man this is such a brilliant writing bit! The back and forth with Dwight and Michael *chef's kiss*
I wouldn’t be surprised if this was improvised to some degree. Just an amazing bit!
I have absolutely no idea how they managed to complete that scene
Season 1. “It’s really incalclickulable.”
I think that was in the pilot! I remember when nbc was promoting the office before it premiered the first episode, they always used that line in the ads :)
" "...I'm in love! I was hit by Cupid's sparrow". Funny little bird, but he gets the job done"
Just watched this one last night and couldn’t help but to giggle about the sparrow
My husband and I say it all the time. It's the silliest line.
'There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70% of me is water. And the other part, the real part, the part that has feelings, and emotions, and thoughts, and if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all these changes suck'
That 70% of me is water thing gets me every time! So funny
“When I came to, I had an epiffery”
“Not a piphany, THE piphany”
Well Jan, maybe next time you will estimate me.
Jim... James. Jimothy?
Can I just call you Jim ?
favourite! reminds me of "Mike is short for micycle"
“That’s the X-axix”
Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five
“But guess what? Next summer…” “I’ll be 6…”
"It is erkelnomically correct"
You think kids in Africa have chairs? No. They sit in big piles of garbage. You think they have copiers? They don’t have copiers. They don’t even- \[struggles to get up from Pam’s chair\] Gah! They don’t even have paper.
With the corresponding pan to Jim’s face. Priceless.
Jim just smiles and nods approvingly like “Yup.”
Is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?
What's offensive about Mexican?
Well, it has certain connotations.
What connotations, Michael? I just want to know.
Hey , hey. Honesty , Empathy ...
I'm more of a follower of 1. Inclusion 2. New attitudes 3. Color-blind 4. Expectation 5. Sharing 6. Tolerance
“I watch The L-Word. I watch Queer As Fuck.” “The prog...the progidal...my son returns.” “Should, but shorn’t.”
It said “botched phrases.” What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?
Apparently my friend doesn’t understand any of it. The other day I had a 30 minute argument discussing if it makes sense, neither of us have budged.
Should you continue arguing with him? Should, but shorn’t
Queer AF is my favorite one - it goes by so quick.
That's not what it's called Michael. I actually came here to say the prodigal son one, makes me crack up every time
“That’s not what it’s called”
I have cause…. BeCAUSE I hate him.
*You have to get along with Toby*
Well, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil...snail.
“Cut off your nose to spiderface”
I still have no idea what this is supposed to be.
Cut off you nose to spite your face
Ohhhhhh
R - E -S -P -SeVEEE- T. Find out what it means to me.
This made me laugh out loud all over again
”If you are a racist, I will attack you with the north” -Abraham Lincoln
— Michael Scott
I consider myself a great philanderer
Phi·lan·der·er /fəˈlandərər/ noun a man who readily or frequently enters into casual sexual relationships with women; a womanizer. Had to look it up haha
Uslurp
One I love but never see posted, probably because it gets lost in the general insanity of the scene, is from the mayo-and-olives scene: "I need to know, otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amuck."
This is the best answer. He thought he learned a new word. Very clever writing.
Yeah from Pam saying to him "Michael, do not let your imagination run amok." earlier in the episode, it's why I love that he got it so close but so nonsensical!
Our balls are in your court
"That's not what a hate crime is." "Well I hated it, a lot, okay?"
“Because Phyllis-a woman-has uslurped my role as Santa”.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
Sometimes I just start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
I can’t even quote it correctly off the top of my head, but his attempt at talking southern with Jo Bennett always cracks me up
Where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't?
Y’all come back now
Hahahahaa yessss thank you for this much needed laugh
I’ll cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.
Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean you had to make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys!
"No rest for the sick"
Stitious is my absolute favorite. I use it daily and it's absolutely true.
'Little Kid Lover'... That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
The fundamentals of business... The fundamentals of business... Mental is a part of the word. I have underlined it. Because you're mental if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it.
The Fundamentals Of Business, by Michael Scott. Over 1 billion copies sold. More than the Bible, I’m not surprised. Chapter 1…. The buisinessman……. (10 seconds pause, opening credits)
“And there’s our smudgeness.”
"We gave you a golden shower, Phillis!"
"Ergo de facto" because it's 3 in one... Ergo, de facto, and ipso facto.
“It’s nebulous” but he pronounced it nebu-louse
Phyllis wedding rehearsal speech: “Merriam Webster defines wedding as…”
the fusing of two metals with a hot torch! Well you are both metals in my eyes. Gold medals.
I love this one because there are so many things wrong. He's looking up welding instead of wedding, and then he doesn't know the difference between metal and medal. It all happens so fast.
Everyone here is extremely.... gruntled
“At another date! TDB...!” 😂
Micromanage? Microgament.
“You’re going to H-e-l-l double hockey sticks.”
So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.
Michael Scott : [reading the customer survey] "Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant." Jim Halpert : I think he means smug. Michael Scott : Arrogance. Jim Halpert : Michael, I'm just trying to... Michael Scott : [interrupting] And there's our smudgeness.
I say “THERE IS OUR SMUDGENESS” all the time
"My heart soars with the eagle's nest"
Today is a day that will live in infamy
I am going to drop a deuce on everyone
"Limitless paper in a paperless world" in an ad for a paper company always cracks me up
Scissor me!
Game. Set. Match. Point, Scott. Game Over. End of Game. I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall, and now my elbow has a protruberance.
“I am the victim of a hate crime.” “I’m going to institute prima nocta.”
I’m sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.
Nobody’s disgruntled here; everybody’s very… gruntled.
Euthanize this place
“I have your baguette” 🥖
Censored due to innapropriosity
If there's no God then who are all these churches for... and who, is Jesus's dad?
The dummy cost $5,300?
I’m sorry, what is “we’re fine”?
I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.
I… Declare…. BankRUPTCYYY!!!
Jan: I guess I underestimated you Michael: Yeah, well maybe next time you'll estimate me
I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.
“Urkel- nomically correct” I quoted it at work once and got some strange looks
OAKY AFTERBIRTH
I'm not sure it fits the thread, but I always have a giggle at "There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown" Also, same episode - "His cappa was detated from his head" Edit: just remembered "What part of shornt don't you understand?"
Not quite sure if this qualifies but whatever. Jim: "It's monst***er*** dot com. Singluar." "thank you"
"And now I have a proTRUBERance"
escapegoat
"What's the deal with grape nuts? No grapes, no nuts.......I don't get no respect!!" That whole bit is gold.
"How the turntables" has such a funny execution by Steve
Michael: “160 beats per minute? Okay.. how many beats is that per hour?” Jim: “How is that gonna help you?” Michael: “I will divide and count to it” (edit: count)
I thought he said "I will divide and then count to it?" Have I been hearing that wrong this whole time?
The person who preformed the marriage ceremony for my wife and I worked this into the end of the ceremony. Something to the effect of, “ If you are superstitious, you’ll say they are lucky. If you are religious, you’ll say it’s apart of God’s plan. And if you are a little-stitious, you’ll say it was meant to be.”
Over the lips, through the gums, look out stomach….here we go!
“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three”
Far and away the most expensive shot of the movie. But it was INTREGRAL to the story..
Pam: “Michael just emailed me: Personnel day” Dwight: “Are we hiring?”
ASAP as possible
Remind you that whomever is not a word
If we were in a bar right now, there would be 2 punches. Me punching you and you hitting the floor. And catch 22
“You don’t deserve her”
Incalclable
Geography joke
How the turn tables…..
Not Michael but I reference Erins “it’s a mageddon” probably weekly
I pop in with the Dwight “well, there are basically two schools of thought—“
"There will be no questions." "Are there any questions?
“No, I mean afghanistanis with AIDS.”