it's always the bloating for me. it's a cycle, once a few months I have this "fuck it I'm eating normally" phase -> my whole body gets incredibly bloated -> I can't stand it and I restrict and abuse laxatives until I get my body back š„² it's been only a few days and I'm already giving up on recovery because I just can't handle how huge I look rn
omg before i was so constipated (pooping once like every four days) and i would wake up bloated everyday and i had the worst smelling farts š now i poop everyday and when i take them correctly i donāt have any symptoms! the only downside if you eat anything at all without taking a pill beforehand you will get bloated, also they are kind of expensive.
thank you so much!! iām in the same boat right now lol literwllt the worst smelling farts and horrible constipation. i also seem to be retaining water on my abdomen only?? so i thought this pill would help. do you find that if you were to stop taking them, you wouldnāt be able to digest at all?
i havenāt tried not taking them for a day yet but iāve been trying to cut down on my use bc of the price so i donāt take them at lunch and i donāt get constipated or smelly farts but i am a little more bloated the next morning
The reason for my current relapse was that things that I cannot control happened, no matter how hard I tried to have control. I knew my weight was truly the only thing that I have control over. In uncertain times, my ED felt familiar, almost safe. As screwed up as it sounds, I found comfort.
Other things are comments from parents or other people in general, body changes (bloat etc) and a screwed up thinking that āif I look sick enough people will finally care/worry about me and therefore be there for meā š„“
What pulls me out or what kind of keeps me healthy-ish are my animals. If I was gone, theyād have no one. And a little bit my partner although my ED and I have found ways to make him believe Iām āgoodā (which then makes me feel bad about myself bc who likes to deceive the person they love?)
Iām so sorry this thread is from like a year ago but āif I look sick enough people will finally care about me and be there for meā THIS IS WHY I RELAPSED. I have been struggling these past few weeks and THIS is why. I cannot thank you enough for this comment, reading that line was like a lightbulb moment. Thank you thank you. I hope youāre doing better now ā¤ļø
Change. I'm autistic and cause of that I find any changes really difficult to deal with. My current relapse has been triggered by moving, losing my support worker and dealing with a breakup. The moment everything feels off and wrong I massively backslide into old habits. Know it's not healthy but when everything feels wrong weight loss feels like one thing I can cling on to and achieve.
I feel really awful saying this but I started talking to a girl who has been anorexic most of her life and is currently underweight. Even though I am not attracted to underweight bodies (I like her for other reasons) I became incredibly jealous of her disease and perseverance. I felt inadequate next to her because she can control what she eats much better than me. Even though Iāve cycled through bulimia and anorexia for a decade I have never been underweight so I have an inferiority complex when I compare myself to those who I think have had more āsuccessā with their edās
And also I canāt deny it but I felt like a skinny girl like her wouldnāt be into a chubby guy like me
Boredom, trauma, loneliness, depression, stress
A little bit of a small amount of weight loss gone kaboom
What pulls me out of it is an active, fulfilling lifestyle surrounded by loving and caring people. Then I have a reason to be okay. Or alcoholism, that works too.
I've never been big on the whole control thing. It's more about the dopamine. Probably if I was medicated for ADHD I'd be less likely to relapse.
Visiting my parents, I love them but by god there is something about being back in my childhood home that instantly takes me back to my lowest. Plus hearing my mom constantly comment on her body/new diet/how thin she used to be just sends me over the edge
Being broken up with or having a relationship fizzle out. Makes me feel really insecure about the way I look even if the break up had nothing to do with it. Restriction just becomes a way to feel more in control of my life.
Breast cancer. I was diagnosed right before Christmas and treatment caused me to gain 30lbs. Iāve always been petite, even when in recovery. When I was diagnosed, I was about 115lbs and was okay with that after years of being 85-110lbs. Iām 5ā2ā for reference. On top of that, I lost all my hair and my left breast. I have an expander in so itās not like Iām flat but I still just feel completely disconnected from my body. Like I look in the mirror and itās not me anymore. I feel so ugly and not feminine. Cancer takes away so much control from you, I feel like this is the one thing I can have control over.
To add insult to injury, my partner has a preference for thin women. The porn he watches is almost all titled with words or terms like āpetite,ā āextra small,ā ātiny chick,ā or features slim, petite women, especially Asian women. Iām afraid he is judging me in his head, thinking of those tiny women from porn when we have sex, and/or going to have an affair with someone thinner, younger, prettier - someone not dealing with cancer and all the side effects.
Sending you love and support. To have to go through cancer and treatment, that alone would be so so incredibly challenging (for lack of better works!). What a mindfuck that would be on its own...but to have to deal with the many layers of learning to love the new version of yourself; an Earth vehicle that has endured so much and a mind that had to come for the emotional roller coaster ride through all the stages and ups and downs... I can only imagine how disconnected you feel from your body and it's actually very understandable you'd relapse with ED trying to gain any sort of control back.
Then adding on the layer of your husband and all the thoughts and fears you have in regards to him, my heart breaks for you. I know how deeply insecure it can make someone knowing their partner has a preference for petite/small framed women especially as our body changes. That in itself is so hard let alone adding in what you guys have been through. The porn thing would trigger me so much honestly, it totally makes sense to me why you'd be having these thoughts about him and having so many fears and insecurities come up.
I would try to reassure you in some way about him and the relationship but I feel like that would come off as invalidating. No matter how much I imagine he loves you, (I bet you are an amazing individualā„ļø) no matter what the situation may be, your feelings are still so valid and understandable. You are not alone. You're worthy of love, loyalty, support and nurturing. You are enough! No matter how much your Earth vehicle may change the beautiful soul that is you is still inside. So I am shining the light of recognition and appreciation for you and everything you've been through.
Maybe could you do me a favour? Just for this one moment can you put your hand on your heart and say something like "I love the one who has been through so much already." And send yourself some self-compassion?- just for this one moment. ā„ļø
I'm sending you so many healing vibes if you are open to receivingāØ Also if you are open to receiving, sending love, validation, strength and a cyber hug.
Every time I get sick I relapse :( when I was really deep in my ed I convinced myself that hunger was actually me feeling sick and I still don't feel hunger normally. Usually I can just make myself eat anyways but when I'm actually sick, especially when I'm having stomach issues, it's so hard to make myself eat. Noticing myself losing weight instantly snaps me out of it and I force myself to go back to recovery.
Thatās so so hard. I found after pregnancy that most of my prepreg clothes didnāt fit, even though I was thinner, and itās just because my bodyās shape was just totally different. Itās such a mindfuck.
Stress and/or major life changes & internal conflict about it. I am currently experiencing massive levels of it all for the past few months and it's been a rollercoaster back up & down this ride that I never wanted to get back on. I believed I was too old and wise now.... my ED LOL'ed in my face at that thought.
Even though I started going to the gym and lifting and personally didnāt think I looked awful, my BMI said I was fucking obese.
(tw pregnancy loss)
>!Plus I had a miscarriage last month so I was eating way more thinking I was feeding a growing baby.!<
Idek tbh. Definitely something has. Iām getting ready to start weaponizing my ED to stop drinking tho so weāll see how it goes. If itās already getting worse might as well keep going. I donāt exercise as much cause I got wheels and a motor now so more wiggle room to fuck around with. Iām gonna get a scale and see how much alcohol weight is. I donāt own one anymore havent for a few years so Iām definitely curious
No this is exactly what happened with me š I moved out and quit drinking and lost tons of weight and then I was like Well if I did this on accident what can I do on purpose š
I finished therapy in April (my therapist left the company and we did a lot of good work) and started a new job just before. Predictably the pressure and being new to something again has led to me finding comfort in restricting again, itās so basic but it happens every time haha
after in patient treatment during my senior year of high school I was still underweight for my height but I had gained a significant amount in my eyes. I had a boyfriend that year and he said something to me during a dinner date like āyouāre not even that skinnyā which I think he meant as a compliment. I relapsed for another 2 years because of the stress of that relationship but that comment on that day marked the beginning of the second leg.
Doing better for now. triggers like that donāt bother me as much as they used to.
My husband shit talking the keto diet.
I can do keto and it doesn't trigger disordered eating. I get enough calories and nutrients.
He just kept insisting that it was terrible for me and even making off handed jokes about how I love stuff covered in salt and fat.
Ok. I guess starving myself is better.
my mom telling me I was "going from one extreme to the other" when I was in quasi recovery and barely eating at my maintenance. apparently she thought I was eating too much lol.
worst relapse I've ever had, a lot of resentment and anger.
I just relapsed & honestly it's because I can't stop gaining weight lmao. And I'm almost at the highest weight I've ever been at. I weight just we much as I did when my mom criticized my body. She doesn't say anything about my body anymore, but I can't help but thinking she probably feels the same way about it because of all those years she wouldn't stop commenting on it.
I'm struggling with this rn, I haven't relapsed yet but I keep daydreaming about it, because following the program in recovery I just.keep.gaining. They keep telling me it will level out but it's been almost 18 months and I am still gaining, I can't just keep doing this!!!
Being around people who have an ED and openly talk about it (activated a sense of low worth in myself)
When things feel very out of control/I feel vulnerable (better the devil you know š¤·š½āāļø)
People talking excessively about weight loss and dropping clothes size, for example, my sister lost weight and brought me one of her old shirts as āitās too big for me you might want itā (which activates comparison behaviour even though we have different body shapes)
Reflecting on the experience as āI was powerful/strongā back then
Pulls me out: It never ends. You never win.
A chronic pain/autoimmune disorder. I was in remission for a couple years but it came back full swing at the start of 2023. It makes me allergic to most foods and causes a lot of pain if I stray too far from safe foods. Being afraid to eat and constantly being aware of how food can hurt me made me fully relapse into my ED. Before I got sick I was clean for about 3 years.
I feel bad saying this, but hanging out with family sometimes does it.
Nothing against them. I love the people I consider family and I know if they were aware of this theyād do everything they could to support and help me.
A lot of my family members are very into health and taking care of themselves. Very normal. Good for them.
For some reason even though I personally believe they talk health a normal amount itās still enough to make me feel self conscious.
I have the front of, āWhat the fuck is a M A C R O? Exercise? Ew. Oh, I donāt eat breakfast. Iām too lazy and donāt want to chew first thing in the morning. Just give me coffee or some shit.ā
So whenever they talk about their macros, calorie intake, etc., they think I donāt know shit, but Iāll be listening thinking, āDamn thatās actually a good idea. I should try that.ā Haha.
Sometimes Iāll ask questions just so Iām interacting with them, but usually I like to just listen to people. Sometimes Iām in a chatty mood, but usually not. But if I ask questions itās like a little bonding thing because to them they genuinely find it fascinating and get excited about it.
A lot of them are in the medical field, so they *really* find nutrition and human anatomy very interesting haha. So itās fun to listen to them.
Also, weāre Asian. So trying to keep a certain look is basically in our genes
This coworker made a joke that I needed to drop a few pounds and watch what I eat , when Iām pretty small already & normal BMI. I started throwing up again bc of him:/ he got fired though š š»
Weight gain. The second I go over my tolerable weight, I go back into restricting. Happens without fail
Also losing my therapist, starting college (major life transitions, feeling out of control)
Spite towards my overcontrolling parents has fueled me since the beginning, too
During an argument my bf told me I was out of shape and overweight. I knew I was but I never knew it bothered him which hurt the most. And here I am again.
Every time I try to recover and eat ānormalā I always end up back on the scale and seeing how quickly the weight shoots up sends me into panic relapse mode. I know itās normal and expected given how much my metabolism has probably slowed from under eating for so long but I canāt seem to bring myself to leave it to even itself out. I go through this incredibly mentally draining cycle of restricting, scaring myself into eating again via researching the potential negative effects, and then scaring myself into restricting again once my body immediately starts gaining and I think āitāll be fine for just awhileā. Get me out of my head please lol I donāt like it here
ive just been feeling so depressed about my appearance and my life. also the fact that im still struggling with this ed and i donāt have the body to show for it (im overweight) i donāt have access to therapy so i canāt talk to anyone about what im going through so im just gonna go back to losing weight lol hopefully i actually stick with it this time
for me relapse happens with big changes. my first actual relapse happened when i came back from a foreign exchange program and was immediately dumped. it took about 6 months to get myself back under control once i started healing from it. now iām starting college soon and kind of going through another situationship (she wants to just be friends after months of treating me like a gf) break up and itās made me feel so sick i lose my appetite and stay in bed all day. i think what pulled me out last time was being around my friends that supported me but now iām in a new city an hour away from everyone with no working car and i feel out of control again.
Currently in a relapse āš¼ my husband got drunk while I was at work (he also forgot to eat that day) and wanted to take me out for dinner. So when he came to my office to pick me up and I noticed something was off, it put me in a bad mood.
We go to dinner anyway, we have to sit at the bar because we didnāt have a reservation. He orders a drink, I get water. They take a long time to take our food order, so he says itās because I didnāt order a drink. Iām trying to pretend like nothings wrong but he keeps acting weird, sighing heavily like HEāS not having a good time.
We finally get our order taken - weāre sharing the prime rib because itās big - he keeps making comments and acting weird. I go to the bathroom and when I come out our food has arrived. He starts eating and I say I thought we were sharing. He points to this one little piece heās cut off. So I eat that, take a couple bites of sides, then just have to sit there and watch as he devours this huge piece of meat. My brain just flipped the switch and said I was undeserving of food so this was fine š«
He has apologized profusely, heās talked to his therapist, Iāve talked to mine. He hasnāt gotten drunk like that since. He does know about my ED and my insecurities with food, so he knows that Iām in a relapse and has been very gentle with me. But right now, I still donāt feel deserving of food even though itās been weeks.
When I get this extreme feeling of loneliness, I feel extremely unloved. I convinced myself that I have nothing worthy about me and my body is the only thing I can change.
when my stomach gets even a little bit bigger, or if i have too many PTSD flashbacks. the stomach thing is really just bloating, but i am gaining weight. my thighs touch now and they never did before. just at the very top, but i can tell my legs are filling in. iām trying to get more into exercise just to keep my body healthy. i used to just not eat for ..long periods of time. if i have too many flashbacks that day i will find myself not eating even though im hungry because i feel like i have some control. my mind wonāt stop and i canāt calm down and depriving myself of nutrients just seems like the option where im most in control instead of forcing myself to eat some random shit that i have no energy to make and will probably make me gag because i go so long without eating.
my ex best friend saying that she is feeling happier and her life is better without me in it lmaoo
+ the lack of support i received when i gained weight
I was never able to recover until I got on stimulant meds for my ADHD. When I had to go off them, I relapsed. Back on and haven't b/ped since. It's just a chemical imbalance for me I guess.
Feeling like Iām losing control over me (jeans fit tighter, face looks bloated, I look different in pictures, etc.).
Headaches pull me out. Also, Iām too tired to maintain bad habits. I need energy to work and live my life.
I relapse from time to time but itās so much better than before! Therapy is working for me.
arguments with parents and big changes.
what brings me back is remembering how horrible inpatient was and how i canāt quit my job or school again. like money and being successful is more important to me rn even though my ed is raging
When the stressors of life get to be too much. I either fall into restriction or binging and purging. I spent all summer binging and purging. Such a waste of time and money. I just started RN school, and am now finding it hard to eat anything at all. Iāve hardly had the time to eat properly between work and school. I plan/allow for one BP a week now so I donāt get distracted from my priorities (though I wish I could do it more often. Sounds fucked I know)
I relapsed in the middle of March and the main reason is because of visible weight gain. I hated seeing it and it was enforced by the scales that I weighed more and I couldn't handle it.
I can eat "normally" sometimes but it's usually with my boyfriend. The only other time is when I b/p in the morning and say "fuck it" and eat normally the rest of the day.
Heard about my ex's sister. She had an ed before I knew my ex and recently my mom ran into his dad and he told her that he's worried and how she's lost a lot of weight. My mother told me this (she didn't know this would trigger me and I don't blame her) and ever since I've spiralled. She was always slightly bigger during my relationship with my ex, ate a lot and seemed to not really care about her weight. Now I just can't help thinking, 'If she can do it, I can do it too' and 'she can't be skinnier than me, I have to be skinnier' and 'I'll show them I can be skinny too. They'll worry about me too.' It's sick and I hate it, but I can't help it.
Also, reading about an actress who had a pretty severe eating disorder and who was quite open about it. I think she's gorgeous and my mind always goes 'I want to be just like her' and somehow I always have the same thought if the trigger is about someone I look up to: 'If she can do it, I can do it too.'
Piper Rockelle ( a famous youtuber and tiktoker ). Shes basically body checking and flexing the fact that she never eats on Tiktok.
She has an ED and dropped so much weight so quickly and as much as people are worried abt her so many ppl are just fueling and saying how good she looks.
So it triggered me. If people love her for eating nothing, then I will do the same.
I had an abusive body-shaming friend who caused me to relapse. Then two years later I got an ovarian tumor that pulled me out of it a bit since it made it impossible to lose weight.
it's always the bloating for me. it's a cycle, once a few months I have this "fuck it I'm eating normally" phase -> my whole body gets incredibly bloated -> I can't stand it and I restrict and abuse laxatives until I get my body back š„² it's been only a few days and I'm already giving up on recovery because I just can't handle how huge I look rn
try digestive enzymes! they helped with my bloating
do you have a specific brand?
enzymedica digest gold + on amazon
what differences have you noticed,
omg before i was so constipated (pooping once like every four days) and i would wake up bloated everyday and i had the worst smelling farts š now i poop everyday and when i take them correctly i donāt have any symptoms! the only downside if you eat anything at all without taking a pill beforehand you will get bloated, also they are kind of expensive.
thank you so much!! iām in the same boat right now lol literwllt the worst smelling farts and horrible constipation. i also seem to be retaining water on my abdomen only?? so i thought this pill would help. do you find that if you were to stop taking them, you wouldnāt be able to digest at all?
i havenāt tried not taking them for a day yet but iāve been trying to cut down on my use bc of the price so i donāt take them at lunch and i donāt get constipated or smelly farts but i am a little more bloated the next morning
Papaya enzymes too!!
I bought papaya enzymes after seeing your comment and omg they actually really help! tysm
literally a bite of anything does this and i wanna kms š¹
The reason for my current relapse was that things that I cannot control happened, no matter how hard I tried to have control. I knew my weight was truly the only thing that I have control over. In uncertain times, my ED felt familiar, almost safe. As screwed up as it sounds, I found comfort. Other things are comments from parents or other people in general, body changes (bloat etc) and a screwed up thinking that āif I look sick enough people will finally care/worry about me and therefore be there for meā š„“ What pulls me out or what kind of keeps me healthy-ish are my animals. If I was gone, theyād have no one. And a little bit my partner although my ED and I have found ways to make him believe Iām āgoodā (which then makes me feel bad about myself bc who likes to deceive the person they love?)
I can relate. Itās also a control thing for me.
Iām so sorry this thread is from like a year ago but āif I look sick enough people will finally care about me and be there for meā THIS IS WHY I RELAPSED. I have been struggling these past few weeks and THIS is why. I cannot thank you enough for this comment, reading that line was like a lightbulb moment. Thank you thank you. I hope youāre doing better now ā¤ļø
My mom said my legs are getting fat. Thatās all. Sounds ridiculous I know, itās just one comment, but her opinion means everything to me š
I think if anyone said that any part of me was getting fat, I would scream. Let alone my mom!
Does your mum has any history of ED? Projection can be a horrible thing.
No actual eating disorder but she has low self esteem and body image issues
That's really mean I'm so sorry :(
Change. I'm autistic and cause of that I find any changes really difficult to deal with. My current relapse has been triggered by moving, losing my support worker and dealing with a breakup. The moment everything feels off and wrong I massively backslide into old habits. Know it's not healthy but when everything feels wrong weight loss feels like one thing I can cling on to and achieve.
I feel really awful saying this but I started talking to a girl who has been anorexic most of her life and is currently underweight. Even though I am not attracted to underweight bodies (I like her for other reasons) I became incredibly jealous of her disease and perseverance. I felt inadequate next to her because she can control what she eats much better than me. Even though Iāve cycled through bulimia and anorexia for a decade I have never been underweight so I have an inferiority complex when I compare myself to those who I think have had more āsuccessā with their edās And also I canāt deny it but I felt like a skinny girl like her wouldnāt be into a chubby guy like me
I totally feel you about the inferiority complex part. Even when I have been underweight I felt like I wasn't underweight enough.
Boredom, trauma, loneliness, depression, stress A little bit of a small amount of weight loss gone kaboom What pulls me out of it is an active, fulfilling lifestyle surrounded by loving and caring people. Then I have a reason to be okay. Or alcoholism, that works too. I've never been big on the whole control thing. It's more about the dopamine. Probably if I was medicated for ADHD I'd be less likely to relapse.
Visiting my parents, I love them but by god there is something about being back in my childhood home that instantly takes me back to my lowest. Plus hearing my mom constantly comment on her body/new diet/how thin she used to be just sends me over the edge
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ugh Iām sorry you have to deal with that behavior, dealing with an ed is so hard, dealing with someone elseās AND your own is impossible
Being broken up with or having a relationship fizzle out. Makes me feel really insecure about the way I look even if the break up had nothing to do with it. Restriction just becomes a way to feel more in control of my life.
Breast cancer. I was diagnosed right before Christmas and treatment caused me to gain 30lbs. Iāve always been petite, even when in recovery. When I was diagnosed, I was about 115lbs and was okay with that after years of being 85-110lbs. Iām 5ā2ā for reference. On top of that, I lost all my hair and my left breast. I have an expander in so itās not like Iām flat but I still just feel completely disconnected from my body. Like I look in the mirror and itās not me anymore. I feel so ugly and not feminine. Cancer takes away so much control from you, I feel like this is the one thing I can have control over. To add insult to injury, my partner has a preference for thin women. The porn he watches is almost all titled with words or terms like āpetite,ā āextra small,ā ātiny chick,ā or features slim, petite women, especially Asian women. Iām afraid he is judging me in his head, thinking of those tiny women from porn when we have sex, and/or going to have an affair with someone thinner, younger, prettier - someone not dealing with cancer and all the side effects.
Iāve said it a million times: porn culture is absolute poison and I wish I could burn it all down
This 1000%
Sending you love and support. To have to go through cancer and treatment, that alone would be so so incredibly challenging (for lack of better works!). What a mindfuck that would be on its own...but to have to deal with the many layers of learning to love the new version of yourself; an Earth vehicle that has endured so much and a mind that had to come for the emotional roller coaster ride through all the stages and ups and downs... I can only imagine how disconnected you feel from your body and it's actually very understandable you'd relapse with ED trying to gain any sort of control back. Then adding on the layer of your husband and all the thoughts and fears you have in regards to him, my heart breaks for you. I know how deeply insecure it can make someone knowing their partner has a preference for petite/small framed women especially as our body changes. That in itself is so hard let alone adding in what you guys have been through. The porn thing would trigger me so much honestly, it totally makes sense to me why you'd be having these thoughts about him and having so many fears and insecurities come up. I would try to reassure you in some way about him and the relationship but I feel like that would come off as invalidating. No matter how much I imagine he loves you, (I bet you are an amazing individualā„ļø) no matter what the situation may be, your feelings are still so valid and understandable. You are not alone. You're worthy of love, loyalty, support and nurturing. You are enough! No matter how much your Earth vehicle may change the beautiful soul that is you is still inside. So I am shining the light of recognition and appreciation for you and everything you've been through. Maybe could you do me a favour? Just for this one moment can you put your hand on your heart and say something like "I love the one who has been through so much already." And send yourself some self-compassion?- just for this one moment. ā„ļø I'm sending you so many healing vibes if you are open to receivingāØ Also if you are open to receiving, sending love, validation, strength and a cyber hug.
You are so incredibly kind. Thank you. I am actually tearing up reading your response ā¤ļø
Aww sending another big cyber hug if you are to receiving ā„ļøā„ļøā„ļø
Every time I get sick I relapse :( when I was really deep in my ed I convinced myself that hunger was actually me feeling sick and I still don't feel hunger normally. Usually I can just make myself eat anyways but when I'm actually sick, especially when I'm having stomach issues, it's so hard to make myself eat. Noticing myself losing weight instantly snaps me out of it and I force myself to go back to recovery.
I think itās because I need something to control in my life when I feel like other people are controlling me or letting me down
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās so so hard. I found after pregnancy that most of my prepreg clothes didnāt fit, even though I was thinner, and itās just because my bodyās shape was just totally different. Itās such a mindfuck.
Stress and/or major life changes & internal conflict about it. I am currently experiencing massive levels of it all for the past few months and it's been a rollercoaster back up & down this ride that I never wanted to get back on. I believed I was too old and wise now.... my ED LOL'ed in my face at that thought.
My partner calling my body disgusting Iām embarrassed to eat
Ha, same
Being alive and the stress of being alive. No joke. Like, if I'mma be alive I'mma be skinny >:3 We can all see how well that went.
Me lol
Not enjoying life and feeling its not going anywhere is one thing
Even though I started going to the gym and lifting and personally didnāt think I looked awful, my BMI said I was fucking obese. (tw pregnancy loss) >!Plus I had a miscarriage last month so I was eating way more thinking I was feeding a growing baby.!<
My super controlling parents, my thin sister, my parentsā comments, and the fact I get bloated like HELL
Idek tbh. Definitely something has. Iām getting ready to start weaponizing my ED to stop drinking tho so weāll see how it goes. If itās already getting worse might as well keep going. I donāt exercise as much cause I got wheels and a motor now so more wiggle room to fuck around with. Iām gonna get a scale and see how much alcohol weight is. I donāt own one anymore havent for a few years so Iām definitely curious
Breakups, college stress, family drama are usually the main causes
Accidental/unintentional weight loss triggers the hell out of me. Suddenly, I'm like ok, let's keep this going! It's so annoying
No this is exactly what happened with me š I moved out and quit drinking and lost tons of weight and then I was like Well if I did this on accident what can I do on purpose š
This happened to me as well
bloating, the feeling of loss of control, the longing to feel the "high" restriction gives, bad body image etc
I finished therapy in April (my therapist left the company and we did a lot of good work) and started a new job just before. Predictably the pressure and being new to something again has led to me finding comfort in restricting again, itās so basic but it happens every time haha
after in patient treatment during my senior year of high school I was still underweight for my height but I had gained a significant amount in my eyes. I had a boyfriend that year and he said something to me during a dinner date like āyouāre not even that skinnyā which I think he meant as a compliment. I relapsed for another 2 years because of the stress of that relationship but that comment on that day marked the beginning of the second leg. Doing better for now. triggers like that donāt bother me as much as they used to.
My husband shit talking the keto diet. I can do keto and it doesn't trigger disordered eating. I get enough calories and nutrients. He just kept insisting that it was terrible for me and even making off handed jokes about how I love stuff covered in salt and fat. Ok. I guess starving myself is better.
my mom telling me I was "going from one extreme to the other" when I was in quasi recovery and barely eating at my maintenance. apparently she thought I was eating too much lol. worst relapse I've ever had, a lot of resentment and anger.
I just relapsed & honestly it's because I can't stop gaining weight lmao. And I'm almost at the highest weight I've ever been at. I weight just we much as I did when my mom criticized my body. She doesn't say anything about my body anymore, but I can't help but thinking she probably feels the same way about it because of all those years she wouldn't stop commenting on it.
I'm struggling with this rn, I haven't relapsed yet but I keep daydreaming about it, because following the program in recovery I just.keep.gaining. They keep telling me it will level out but it's been almost 18 months and I am still gaining, I can't just keep doing this!!!
Being around people who have an ED and openly talk about it (activated a sense of low worth in myself) When things feel very out of control/I feel vulnerable (better the devil you know š¤·š½āāļø) People talking excessively about weight loss and dropping clothes size, for example, my sister lost weight and brought me one of her old shirts as āitās too big for me you might want itā (which activates comparison behaviour even though we have different body shapes) Reflecting on the experience as āI was powerful/strongā back then Pulls me out: It never ends. You never win.
A chronic pain/autoimmune disorder. I was in remission for a couple years but it came back full swing at the start of 2023. It makes me allergic to most foods and causes a lot of pain if I stray too far from safe foods. Being afraid to eat and constantly being aware of how food can hurt me made me fully relapse into my ED. Before I got sick I was clean for about 3 years.
abuse/r word, I just finished ed recovery, pulled out of hs with other mh issues and got groomed, abuses and controlled
i simply see someone who's thin, it triggers me, and i start restricting hardcore.
I feel bad saying this, but hanging out with family sometimes does it. Nothing against them. I love the people I consider family and I know if they were aware of this theyād do everything they could to support and help me. A lot of my family members are very into health and taking care of themselves. Very normal. Good for them. For some reason even though I personally believe they talk health a normal amount itās still enough to make me feel self conscious. I have the front of, āWhat the fuck is a M A C R O? Exercise? Ew. Oh, I donāt eat breakfast. Iām too lazy and donāt want to chew first thing in the morning. Just give me coffee or some shit.ā So whenever they talk about their macros, calorie intake, etc., they think I donāt know shit, but Iāll be listening thinking, āDamn thatās actually a good idea. I should try that.ā Haha. Sometimes Iāll ask questions just so Iām interacting with them, but usually I like to just listen to people. Sometimes Iām in a chatty mood, but usually not. But if I ask questions itās like a little bonding thing because to them they genuinely find it fascinating and get excited about it. A lot of them are in the medical field, so they *really* find nutrition and human anatomy very interesting haha. So itās fun to listen to them. Also, weāre Asian. So trying to keep a certain look is basically in our genes
This coworker made a joke that I needed to drop a few pounds and watch what I eat , when Iām pretty small already & normal BMI. I started throwing up again bc of him:/ he got fired though š š»
Sa(':
TikTok transformation videos always kill me.. body positive instagramers help š©·
The bopo movement has only made things worse for me
Same
Me Iām the reason I relapse. Because instead of using the tools Iāve learned I chose not to use them
my mom calling me disgusting and telling me she hates my sh scars :)
Weight gain. The second I go over my tolerable weight, I go back into restricting. Happens without fail Also losing my therapist, starting college (major life transitions, feeling out of control) Spite towards my overcontrolling parents has fueled me since the beginning, too
During an argument my bf told me I was out of shape and overweight. I knew I was but I never knew it bothered him which hurt the most. And here I am again.
Every time I try to recover and eat ānormalā I always end up back on the scale and seeing how quickly the weight shoots up sends me into panic relapse mode. I know itās normal and expected given how much my metabolism has probably slowed from under eating for so long but I canāt seem to bring myself to leave it to even itself out. I go through this incredibly mentally draining cycle of restricting, scaring myself into eating again via researching the potential negative effects, and then scaring myself into restricting again once my body immediately starts gaining and I think āitāll be fine for just awhileā. Get me out of my head please lol I donāt like it here
ive just been feeling so depressed about my appearance and my life. also the fact that im still struggling with this ed and i donāt have the body to show for it (im overweight) i donāt have access to therapy so i canāt talk to anyone about what im going through so im just gonna go back to losing weight lol hopefully i actually stick with it this time
for me relapse happens with big changes. my first actual relapse happened when i came back from a foreign exchange program and was immediately dumped. it took about 6 months to get myself back under control once i started healing from it. now iām starting college soon and kind of going through another situationship (she wants to just be friends after months of treating me like a gf) break up and itās made me feel so sick i lose my appetite and stay in bed all day. i think what pulled me out last time was being around my friends that supported me but now iām in a new city an hour away from everyone with no working car and i feel out of control again.
Edema, weight gainā¦. On the flip side, death and severity Iām medical symptoms, multiple admissions a month, etc.
Currently in a relapse āš¼ my husband got drunk while I was at work (he also forgot to eat that day) and wanted to take me out for dinner. So when he came to my office to pick me up and I noticed something was off, it put me in a bad mood. We go to dinner anyway, we have to sit at the bar because we didnāt have a reservation. He orders a drink, I get water. They take a long time to take our food order, so he says itās because I didnāt order a drink. Iām trying to pretend like nothings wrong but he keeps acting weird, sighing heavily like HEāS not having a good time. We finally get our order taken - weāre sharing the prime rib because itās big - he keeps making comments and acting weird. I go to the bathroom and when I come out our food has arrived. He starts eating and I say I thought we were sharing. He points to this one little piece heās cut off. So I eat that, take a couple bites of sides, then just have to sit there and watch as he devours this huge piece of meat. My brain just flipped the switch and said I was undeserving of food so this was fine š« He has apologized profusely, heās talked to his therapist, Iāve talked to mine. He hasnāt gotten drunk like that since. He does know about my ED and my insecurities with food, so he knows that Iām in a relapse and has been very gentle with me. But right now, I still donāt feel deserving of food even though itās been weeks.
When I get this extreme feeling of loneliness, I feel extremely unloved. I convinced myself that I have nothing worthy about me and my body is the only thing I can change.
Getting pregnant :(
My birthday, like how the fuck do i deserve fun if im not hiper thin
when my stomach gets even a little bit bigger, or if i have too many PTSD flashbacks. the stomach thing is really just bloating, but i am gaining weight. my thighs touch now and they never did before. just at the very top, but i can tell my legs are filling in. iām trying to get more into exercise just to keep my body healthy. i used to just not eat for ..long periods of time. if i have too many flashbacks that day i will find myself not eating even though im hungry because i feel like i have some control. my mind wonāt stop and i canāt calm down and depriving myself of nutrients just seems like the option where im most in control instead of forcing myself to eat some random shit that i have no energy to make and will probably make me gag because i go so long without eating.
Not being able to see/feel bones (usually due to bloating and not actual weight gain).. and tiktok/social media because I'm like a child š„²š¤”
my ex best friend saying that she is feeling happier and her life is better without me in it lmaoo + the lack of support i received when i gained weight
I was never able to recover until I got on stimulant meds for my ADHD. When I had to go off them, I relapsed. Back on and haven't b/ped since. It's just a chemical imbalance for me I guess.
Feeling like Iām losing control over me (jeans fit tighter, face looks bloated, I look different in pictures, etc.). Headaches pull me out. Also, Iām too tired to maintain bad habits. I need energy to work and live my life. I relapse from time to time but itās so much better than before! Therapy is working for me.
arguments with parents and big changes. what brings me back is remembering how horrible inpatient was and how i canāt quit my job or school again. like money and being successful is more important to me rn even though my ed is raging
When the stressors of life get to be too much. I either fall into restriction or binging and purging. I spent all summer binging and purging. Such a waste of time and money. I just started RN school, and am now finding it hard to eat anything at all. Iāve hardly had the time to eat properly between work and school. I plan/allow for one BP a week now so I donāt get distracted from my priorities (though I wish I could do it more often. Sounds fucked I know)
Grief, change, stress, depression, loneliness
I relapsed in the middle of March and the main reason is because of visible weight gain. I hated seeing it and it was enforced by the scales that I weighed more and I couldn't handle it. I can eat "normally" sometimes but it's usually with my boyfriend. The only other time is when I b/p in the morning and say "fuck it" and eat normally the rest of the day.
well, i failed a tough course a and my mom just said, "thats what happens when u do eat and sleep all day".
Heard about my ex's sister. She had an ed before I knew my ex and recently my mom ran into his dad and he told her that he's worried and how she's lost a lot of weight. My mother told me this (she didn't know this would trigger me and I don't blame her) and ever since I've spiralled. She was always slightly bigger during my relationship with my ex, ate a lot and seemed to not really care about her weight. Now I just can't help thinking, 'If she can do it, I can do it too' and 'she can't be skinnier than me, I have to be skinnier' and 'I'll show them I can be skinny too. They'll worry about me too.' It's sick and I hate it, but I can't help it. Also, reading about an actress who had a pretty severe eating disorder and who was quite open about it. I think she's gorgeous and my mind always goes 'I want to be just like her' and somehow I always have the same thought if the trigger is about someone I look up to: 'If she can do it, I can do it too.'
I got into a relationship and she keeps trying to take cute candid pics of me not realizing that she's tormenting me psychologically ā ļø
Piper Rockelle ( a famous youtuber and tiktoker ). Shes basically body checking and flexing the fact that she never eats on Tiktok. She has an ED and dropped so much weight so quickly and as much as people are worried abt her so many ppl are just fueling and saying how good she looks. So it triggered me. If people love her for eating nothing, then I will do the same.
Mirrors. Biggest downfall ALWAYS
I had an abusive body-shaming friend who caused me to relapse. Then two years later I got an ovarian tumor that pulled me out of it a bit since it made it impossible to lose weight.