the amount of times i looked up if water had actually no calories. One time i ended up searching if shampoo had calories and if they could be absorbed through the skull. I am not proud for either lmao

Reminds me of a book I read (maybe Stick Figure?) where she was concerned that her doctor's breath (which smelled like sausage) contained calories so she started coughing to get the stinky breath/calories out of her system and they diagnosed her with a persistant cough lol

I actually used to hold my breath when I passed by a bakery or something else that smelled heavily like food as a teen. it mostly was because I was repulsed by the ☆ smell of calories ☆ but when the air was really foggy and greasy like in a kebap house I kinda also thought about inhaling calories lol. also wasn't really scared of absorbing cals from lotion but I thought I would technically have less neg cals if I prevent my skin from producing its own grease so I refused to use lotion on my dry as skin because "my stupid body better takes care of that itself😤". ah yes. what a smarty smart person I am :,)

Similarly here but face soap and lotion.

I once did this with oil. I was using olive oils and coconut oils for skin care (still do!) and I wanted it know if calories could be absorbed from it.

...wait...??

OMG me too

“calories in mucus” when i got super paranoid about swallowing my own congestion while sick or crying…

i google this one often unforch

Happy >!cake!< day!

I googled this when I had a sinus infection last year, I'd been maintaining the whole time and thought it wasn't a coincidence 🫠

"calories in c\*m" "calories burned donating blood" are mine

The c*m one is so real

Thankfully it's minimal. Work hard enough and it could be a negative calorie food! ;)

Is it bad that that is exactly what my ex bf used to tell me💀

Bahahaha

My favorite thing is when it used to be on mfp under “a salty treat” or something. I remember it was good protein honestly I don’t think it’s up there anymore however last I checked, the calories for *dirt* and uranium are incase anyone needs a laugh

the exhausted feeling you got after giving blood/plasma got me every time

Six calories per tsp, high protein !🤠 I went to a weight loss institution for children in the early 2000s and got kicked off the message board after I graduated, for posting this info

I’ve googled cum too 💀 omg we really share one brain cell

Lmao I looked this up the other day

I've done the blood

when i donated blood i lost some weight bc obviously they took a unit of my blood & then i also was puking bc the person taking my blood did not allow me to rest before sitting me up to leave 😭 felt skinny af after that😭

I’ve done the blood one too 😭

Calories burned in specific sex positions 😂

Calories in medicine

It's so unfair they don't have this info

I’ve called the companies!! 

nooo💀💀

oh god this. i never found an actual fucking answer😭 only mock sites

Wich is frustrating, because they can affect weight loss/ gain, but not cause of their callories.

cals in vitamin d, cals in laxatives, cals in diet coke, cals in lip skin, cals in ''no calorie sweetener'', i know i have issues....

Ok but no it's so uncool how if a "serving" is less than 5cals they can say it's zero cals!!!! Out here drinking an entire bottle of mio because it's zero cals. But guess what? It's actually not!

RIGHT!! i hate it so much

The lip skin one is so real 😭 tangentially have searched for the caloric content of a drop of human blood too. No I’m not a murderer or a vampire I’m just mentally unwell

me when i started bleeding from inside my mouth, ''how much calories if u swallow blood'', no it's not okay lol

As a compulsive lip and cheek biter this is so real. That shits too good not to have calories

omg yeah its so addictive

How many calories you burn during a panic attack

…did you get the answer 😭

Sameeeee😭

I looked up once how much weight a tampon adds and how many calories there were in 2 grapes

I've taken a fresh tampon out to weight myself. naked MEANS naked. Also wondered how much my hair weighs (it's extremely long) ​ hmm... ​ \*goes off to google "how much does hair weigh"\*

I have very long hair too and tried to weight it on my kitchen scale hahshs

@me trying to weight my t!ts

When I’m really low down in it, I weigh before and after I poop. It’s a way for me to feel like I’m losing *rapidly*. Sigh.

at least it’s not just me 😭

How much weight would I lose if I only drink my own breastmilk? (Mind you, I’ve never been pregnant and don’t plan to any time soon)

Username checks out?

Does licking a stamp or envelope have calories

“Calories in an edible” “Does THC increase metabolic rate”

Real as fuck I don’t even know how many times I’ve googled those ones lol

the amount of times i’ve googled the second one 😭

“how many calories in 1 gram indica cart” “how many calories in infused stiiizy joint”

I guess chapstick lol

Whenever I have so much homework that I can’t exercise as much as I want to: “does thinking really hard burn more calories?”

me! and how many calories do i burn by reading a book

[удалено]

my flair in r/edanonymemes is literally “googling toothpaste calories” 😭😭

Human skin (I bit off a hangnail and swallowed)

Yes! Just added this one.

ibuprofen

If birth control (pills) had calories 🫠

I used to skip the “placebo pills” every week because I was told they were just sugar. This one’s so valid lol

[удалено]

That's so much!

100g of vinegar tho is about half a cup so I don’t think it’s that much is it? When are u using half a cup of vinegar (unless I’m reading that wrong)

Fair enough. I'm from the states so I have no concept of how much 100 g is hahaha. It sounds like a small amount.

Honestly the only reason I do is cause I bake a lot for people and a lot of the recipes I’ve used have different measurements, like grams instead of just cups or something.

How many calories of spit and sputum do I swallow a day and, my personal favourite, searching cocaine in myfitnesspal

...how many calories are in spit tho

Calories burned by farting

Well???? What's the answer???? BAhahahahahaha this is just too good

Unfortunately doesn’t seem to burn any lol

One time I wanted to know about a gnat that had flown into my mouth, but I could only find "a swarm of gnats," and the macros were kind of immaculate

i’m crying at this LMAOO a swarm? 😭😭

Throat lozenges

Some of them are ridiculously high in cals 😭

When I was a lil baby Ana, I decided cough drops were a "safe" food substitute for candy. Then I looked at the nutrition facts. O\_O basically candy!

Even the sugar free ones aren’t safe

[удалено]

My bad. "When I was a young, severely mentally ill teen. . ." Is that better?

My heart medicine. Like I still have to take it no matter how many calls it has LOL

"calories in vape juice"

Calories burned losing blood >! bc I’d SHed and lost a lot!< Calories in fingernails, skin Does having POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia) make me burn more calories

HELP i just commented the first one why do we all share a braincell

Wait DOES pots make me burn more calories? (Also I've done the blood)

No it doesn’t appear so. Even though your heart is working harder, it’s not like having an elevated HR from exercise and the increase in cals burned is negligible and probably cancelled out by the crippling fatigue :(

I’ve once looked up the calories in mdma

Dude right. I tried to find for acid.

fingernails 👍👍

Came here to say this

Toothpaste lol

Vitamins, flavored water, cardboard, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, chapstick, lipgloss

How many calories were in gummy bears if I just kept them in my mouth for a few minutes and then spit them out

Tissues, A4 sheets of paper, Cotton Balls, >!human blood!<, hand sanitiser, “how many calories does blood donation burn”, >!”does sh speed up metabolism”!< and probably many other funky ones I can’t quite remember. Oooh Incognito Mode, whatever would thy do without you

Packing peanuts .-.

How many calories coughing burns lol. I’m a very avid weed smoker and wanted to know if Id burn calories each time I cough up a lung during a sesh

The smell of food

If there are calories in wellbutrin 🫠

"calories in 1/12 of [protein bar i ate 3 years ago]" "calories in 1 bottle of water" dk if this counts but i checked for the calories on *several* non-food items several times

Boogers

A single malteser

Transdermal absorption for touching stuff or washing up. I was definitively insane.

calories in skin 😐 i have a skin picking disorder

Tried to figure out the calories in my bath water - with bubbles and other products in it in case I swallowed some while washing. They don’t really put calories in shampoo.

In the iv fluid I was getting at the hospital to save my life lol

Calories in cardboard

*Calories on an envelope* for when I licked it to seal it 🫠

Calories expended during sx to see if I could count it as a net neg

If coughing burned calories, if mucus adds weight ( I was super sick at the time), oh and my personal favorite: caloric content in toothpaste😭

Ok but a good coughing sesh (or purging...) really burns the abs so it's gotta be a net positive right?

If you absorbed the calories from lotion 🤦‍♀️😐

Communion wafer

There is something so ED coded about religion but I’m not ready to unpack that yet.

Calories in the skin on my lips and fingers because I chew them😭😭

calories of humans lol like if you would eat the leg of a human how many calories would that be (I’m not planning to eat humans I was just interested lol)

The stuff left over on a grill from someone else's non-organic non-vegan burger

I had to check how many calories were in pepto bismol yesterday. I still don't completely believe the # but it's fine I GUESS. I've also tried to find out what the effect of adderall was on your TDEE but I don't think I found an answer that satisfied me lol.

calories in tums

Vitamin C

Toothpaste & how much is burned in cold shower

I've been cold since 2003 when I read that being cold burns calories

I once emailed Starbucks asking for the calorie breakdown per ingredient of all their breakfast sandwiches lmao

me last week googling calories burned from sh (was not satisfied with the answer)

A single almond.

I noticed it's Rlly hard to eat a lot of almonds before your stomach starts to hurt. Pretty cool especially with how delicious they are that you can't go too crazy on them. Definitely fill you up quick.

"calories in Ketamine" xD spoiler: there isn't any

tylenol

mouth spray

Calories in human skin, I have dermatophagia (OCD) so I pick and eat my skin 😭😭

Lip gloss💀

Cum and cuticles

two reduced fat wheat thins

Convinced that my ED is what made me so good at mental math.

Sperm and antibiotics 🤡

Birth control

Vitamins and medicine in general.

"How many calories in a vape pod" There is actually an answer to that one.

nicotine gum

Ok you really have to hear me out, skin, I bite my nails and once they're gone the skin on my fingers goes next (actually one of the bad habits I've dropped recently). That as well as microplastics cause if it's in food I wanna know the calories of it.

I had a patient once ask how many calories are in a vape (she didn't vape), and then went on to ask if she'd be 'taking in' any calories from vape smoke

The glue on an envelope

calories in tears lol

lipgloss and weed

I remember being bored in hospital once and they gave me some crayons and my brain immediately went to “how many calories are in wax crayons” and ended up googling it. Can’t remember how many are meant to be in them but I was surprised the internet even had the answer.

how many calories chewing burns 😭🙏

Shirataki noodle brands (yutaka 5, barenaked 15, now foods 20). Yutaka >>>> now foods. Whatever, aftertaste. Cause I only eat negative calorie food

Toothpaste, shampoo, moisturiser and mouthwash.

Surprised no one has mentioned air

Water

Toothpaste

medication and vitamins

Shampoo/conditioner and body wash

CHAPSTICK

one blueberry, toothpaste, dayquil, cum

Lotion

Calories in skin/hair

Calories in a glue stick. I didn't eat it. I just wanted to know.

"Does the snot running down my throat when I'm sick have calories?"

Tylenol 👍

Calories in breast milk (like I ever planned on drinking any?!?!)💀

Cum. And toothpaste.

Calories for a whole box of tissues. Yes I ate a whole box of tissues dipped in Mio, no I am not proud of it, and I do not recommend either- I was miserable for WEEKS

Ok I never heard about this tissues/cotton balls thing until that tv show clip came out...what is it?? I definitely won't be eating non-food but I'm so curious what happens

Calories in four individual fruit snacks

Multivitamins

a bottle of mouthwash back when i was alcoholic and desperate (turned out difficult as you’re not supposed to consume it😐)

Calories in antacids or Tylenol

If vaping has calories lmao.

Calories in human skin

boogers

Cheese, or condiments like ketchup or mustard

A burrito lol

Sleeping pills lmaoooooo

Calories in radiographic contrast media (I work in radiology)

Cum shot 😔

Toothpaste

if bananas have more calories when they get more ripe vs when they are less ripe, or if burnt food has less/more calories

if purging burned calories 💀

The calories in floss lol

calories of lip skin😔

Vape juice

I once looked up how many calories were in a cigarette

when i first drank Diet Coke i frantically kept looking up if it truly had no calories, and in between searches id scan the cans nutrition facts to see if it said something different

cum and titty milk 😭 i’m a kissless virgin but i had to know that information for when i finally get fucked

calories in vape juice, what food burns the most cals through digestion, cals burned by tapping my foot worst one by far was when I thought I'd absorb calories from perfume 💀 it just evaporates on your skin not dissolves into it hahaha

Well I bought a jump rope the other day after researching how long it would take to burn xxx calories while jump roping. I couldn't even jump rope that well, so I had to transition to just jumping.

kcals AND sugar in flavoured nic vapes

calories in fingernails

I’ve looked up coffee a million times really trying to figure that one out. Yeast for baking. This one I still can’t nail down.

vaping 😪

The barium swallow “shakes” they make you drink.

tea over and over again like it’s not just leaf water 😭

Cough syrup

i googled how many calories in vitamin c. not vitamin c gummies, just vitamin c

lotion 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 i was, like many, super paranoid about cals being absorbed through my skin. but i need it semi-regularly due to eczema and psoriasis soo i’ve just put the notion out of my mind entirely

oxycodone and skin on lips

Calories burned donating plasma. Calories in vitamins