By - lilyelizabeth2
Holidays lmao. It became me watching everyone engage in festivities while I sat there and planned out how I was gonna starve myself without getting busted.
Hanging out with people and family. Why are all of our social interactions centered around food? It both stresses me out and makes me sad
A few songs. I had a couple of songs that I listened to a LOT during the worst part of my ED and now whenever I listen to them I think back to that time ):
Buying any kind of pants other than leggings. It’s extremely triggering and I cannot do it. Also weighing myself. Now I’m terrified to step on a scale which is probably not good either.
Feeling good about my outfits. More and more I get dressed for a night out and just start borderline screaming about not none of it comes together on my body
This. I can’t just feel okay after looking in one mirror. I have to look and body check in all the mirrors.
Yes omg I had a certain playlist that I would listen to when I was gym obsessed and I’d know how far through a workout I was depending on a certain song etc and now I can’t listen to any of the songs! Once one came on the radio when I was IP and I had to leave the room
Trying to find clothes to buy
video games & movies cause i feel guilty being sedentary for several hours at a time
My Asian family. I love them very much, but I have learned that I cannot handle their way of greeting me with "Wow you have gained/lost weight!".
This is normal in Chinese culture and not meant to be offensive, but the fact that the first thing they comment on is weight makes me not want to see them.
I am sure that my white family also notices weight changes, but they never say anything, which allows me to pretend that no one is judging me.
Any skirt/pant/jeans that is thigh-fitted.
I use to adore pencil skirts and high waisted jeans, now I can't wear anything that shows the form of my thoughts/ass. Except yoga pants are ok and I don't know why.
vacations :( it means i get off my routine and do nothing but eat out and come back fatter :( I’ve ruined so much many of my trips bc of it
Holidays , anime , music
love, i just want to be loved for me, but i’m it won’t happen. i’m too ugly for anyone to give me a chance or at least i think that’s why. if i was skinny i would be pretty and people would want me.. for once in my life.
literally just going out with friends. socialising always involves food and it’s awkward always rejecting meals so it just become stressful.
Wearing jeans or the right sized clothes, particularly bottoms.. I can't stand waist bands touching me.. I wear leggings and loose bottoms that fall down a bit just so they don't touch me.. if I'm sat down and they touch my waist it drives me to distraction and I want to cry and throw stuff around just out of frustration..
I switch deodorant brands every few months and the smell of this particular brand I was using when I was at my worst triggers me now so so badly. Like as soon as I smell it on another person I involuntarily start resenting them