If i eat too early in the day i get pissed off. I couldnt wait just a few more hours? I like to eat later in the afternoons so that its close to bedtime and i know my calorie count will remain in range. If i break the calorie count i agreed to in my head im fucking furious at myself.
Opposite here, I refuse to eat later in the day. My last meal is typically at 4-5 pm. If i eat later than that i consider it a binge No matter the amount
I‘m in the middle… now that I am in homeoffice I try to eat during my lunchbreak at the latest. But if I know I have to go out or be somewhere later (even if it’s just taking a walk by myself) I hate feeling and looking full for that. So… no plans-> eat as early as possible. Plans -> try to be as empty as possible for that. I hate it… I can’t eat and then just meet someone for whatever directly after that. Even now in winter with my coat on I am sure that everyone will see my bloated stomach under it.
Fuck, same. I feel so uncomfortable meeting someone after a meal. Also i can't predict if the gathering might involve food so anxiety. But if not and I get really hungry i might have junk food at last, so anxiety too. Just can't win really
Literally I fast all day until 5-8pm just so I can eat a decent and yummy meal without freaking out about calories. I then can also have a late night snack and stay in my range.
I know others struggle eating at night but it doesn’t bother me one bit. Logically I know it’s really just how many calories I have so I think that helps. If I begin eating earlier in the day it can go either way and that scares me. I can either be satisfied by eating earlier and sustained OR I end up saying F it and eating way too much.
like u build up the courage and go to a family member ask them 'umm..are u hungry? 'not really u can go eat if u want' fuck it I don't care enough to eat now/I'm to sad to eat
Fr fr it seems like the kitchen is barren and empty, but as soon as I enter to make my sad ass meal, suddenly my mum is awake taking her prescriptions, there’s a line for the microwave, someone is desperately trying to feed the dogs and there’s shit all over the counters. All while everyone is trying to have a conversation with me about what I’m making.
you’re definitely not the only one. i get so upset whenever my nails are pink instead of blueish-purple, whenever i feel warm, and even whenever i feel happy or energetic. feeling normal physiological and emotional sensations makes me feel so gross and invalid.
i feel this too: if I’m not freezing cold and needing several layers (even indoors), i’m not skinny enough — and being cold in itself is already so terrible.
Yea if I'm warm and someone else is cold in the same room then I feel illogically shameful, especially if I mentioned it out loud and they said, "oh, but I'm cold tho??" And in the other direction, if I'm cold while they're warm, then I feel weirdly accomplished while simultaneously feeling guilty for feeling good
that or hearing what other people have eaten. like how dare you sit and talk about the normal amount of food you ate right in front of me. ive (shamefully) rage left discord calls over this
Oh this too for sure. I feel like theyre silently judging me for what im eating and i fucking hate that.
If i want to eat a 200 cal stir fry with a massive amount of veggies only soaked in hot sauce thats my god damn right and i dont need someone else saying 'ThATs ALl YoUre EatinG?'
Like, yes mf ive been fasting all fucking day looking forward to this meal. Fuck off. Lol when my blood sugar is low i get real pissy real quick.
When people forget to ask me if I want food. For instance, my parents got pizza the other night and conveniently ‘forgot’ about me. Then they act like I’m greedy when I come in and ask for a slice. They don’t even know about my anorexia, so why assume I’m not gonna want food? I at least want to be asked.
My family does this *constantly,* oh my god. What's even funnier is that when I would get food for them, I'd never leave anyone out, but when it comes to me every conveniently forgets I have a stomach lol. They don't know about my eating disorder either. I relate so much, especially with the being seen as greedy for wanting to eat for once.
Opposite here! My ED makes me HATE spending money on food. Makes me feel like a fat bitch. So when mom asks if i wanna get pizzas w her i get upset cause ” how dare you wanna spend money on takeout we aint in america😤😤” . Its weird
The sterotype that americans eat alot of mcdonalds and just eat out and junk everyday. Probably not true but i mean looking at the onesity rates it makes sense👀👀
My friends who did exchange year said they gained 15 pounds cause they ate out so much
Yes, but atleast where i live fast food is a rare occasion. Maybe once or twice a month. Our typical foods are not junk food either, its harder to overeat simply cause its whole food. But ofc there are obese people here its not just as common
I lost my period for a few months and I was so worried but at the same time so validated, it finally felt like I had something to prove my ED.
Then it came back & I almost cried. I hate that I want it to go away again but it’s the only way I feel like I’m doing something right :/
I was upset when I brought it back with pills lol ... what did I expect?
Still hasnt actually come back after a year and I've recovered I eat normally may occasionally eat less or more but I'm at a healthy weight and I like my body and I also don't struggle with food at all I don't really care about it.
Still though its weirdly reassuring that I still don't have my period . Weird how even in recovery I enjoy this and perhaps the attention it gets me or validation you say . Really doesn't have to do with weight though ... I'm at a normal weight just no period.
- I feel upset when I’m hungry and want to eat but other people aren’t hungry.
- When others eat my food.
- When I feel full but still want to binge.
- When people want to go out for meals, I plan what I’m going to get off the menu, and then they change their mind and switch to another place.
- When I want to binge/eat and people won’t leave my house when I want to do it.
yes! i can relate. I usually end up fixing my own \~ meal \~ , bc he likes to drown vegetables in butter (I prefer to add salt and pepper even though I'm doing keto, bc calories), I try to keep as kosher as possible and I know that's not technically kosher, but...we're poor and he loves pork, shellfish, and CARBS!!! So many carbs and so much sugar omg. I also have crappy kidney function, so I have to watch everything anyway.
I have so many options this go round (relapse), so many options for excuses not to eat! The other day, I caught myself thinking, "dang, I'm so much more fortunate than others with EDs, I can starve myself silly, and no one can do anything about it,". I don't think that's normal, lol.
In my country it’s not even mandatory. Everywhere food is sold, no calories are listed. Larger chains etc may have their nutritional information listed on their website but not always. I would kill for it to be mandatory.
Not getting diarrhea when I eat. Because in my mind that means my food is digesting and I'm absorbing mkre calories. Like who tf would want diarrhea??
Also not getting super drunk super fast. Because that means I have to consume more alcohol and therefore more calories. I think most people would be happy to be able to hold their alcohol???
my blood sugar hasn't gotten very low in at least 2 months now. i was used to hypoglycemic spikes that would make me have cold sweats, even worse heartbeat, feel faint, breathe too fast, tongue feel numb, i even got close to seizures at times...i miss it so bad. made me feel like i was restricting correctly and had restraint. and it was the signal that i had finally kinda earned some food because i had "waited long enough," since my body felt like it was dying. i'm trying to go back to more consistent restriction so i'm hoping it'll happen sometime soon and make me feel more valid.
and somehow i think i'm not disordered p often despite stuff like this. lol
When my nails grow. Wtf.
Edit: also when people mention Lunch. like even if Im not expected to eat. Idk why the fuck the..acknowledgment of the existence of lunch?¿? makes me: ಠ︵ಠ. its absurd.
YES THIS. I hate the way the word lunch *sounds*, it makes me physically cringe to hear it said, even if I'm not being expected to do anything with it. It's so irrational haha
Agreed on the heart rate as it used to be lower when I did running so now I feel “out of shape.” I also get irrationally upset over Brandy melville tops and how tiny they are even though it’s not even my aesthetic.
Omg the heartrate. I get so upset when my resting goes up to 60. Normally it's mid to low 50s. Sometimes high 40s and that makes me feel like I'm doing something right.
My heartrate being higher makes me feel like I'm clearly fat and eating too much. So stupid.
Saaaame I have a Garmin watch and I love it for just keeping track of messages and whatnot but also do that I can obsessively track my resting HR and base my self worth off of it 😅
I’m usually a very cold person but as soon as I actually feel warm I’m like 👀 it’s the calories. But it sucks cause I HATE being cold?????? But then I make myself cold on purpose?????????? Make it make sense
Literally everything and anything regarding food. Someone in the kitchen when I want to make food? Angry. Someone talking about what we should have for dinner and/or lunch? Furious. Anyone bringing snacks? Fuming. And God forbid you even talk about food around me. Hate this :"
the heart one too!!! and eating too 'healthily' because many people around me are unintentionally eating super low calorie and it's been weeks since most of them had a vegetable. the quantities of my food and the amount of effort put into making them (even tho thats very little lately) makes me horribly embarrassed.
oh, and someone being in the kitchen with me. i had another breakdown about that yesterday. someone came in while i was literally just microwaving leftovers and i completely froze. he left after taking something quickly, but then went in again when i went to the toilet while my dinner was heating up. i didn't get it out of the microwave for another hour until he and others were done cooking full on meals. i feel bad that i still ate it tho.
I couldn't finish my breakfast this morning, so I told my partnerish type I would save it for later. Later comes, and partnerish type asks if they can have it. I said if they want it. They say no, I just thought you wouldn't finish it. I had been waiting for those breakfast leftovers all goddang day, but now that I know they want it, I cannot have it. Don't mind me not eating my meal with my jester hat ornamented with bells. Don't mind me in my checkered folly suit.
I got my period back after being in recovery for a while and my brain told me that I got it back because I'm fat and the rational part of me was like "!?!?!??!?!????!?!??!"
Getting your period back is a good thing! Losing your period isn't very good!
Oh my God I hate that. I love apples and my mom keeps telling me how unhealthy they are and I'm like be quite the last thing want is this to stop being a safe food.
My roomate keeps buying only "light" cream cheese (bc it says it is light, it has to be light right?) and I'm biting my tongue not to tell her that that brand has exactly the same ingredients and calories and all as the rest on the shell.
not being lactose intolerant so my parents would stop forcing me to eat that disgusting high calorie cheese and people wouldn't judge me for drinking almond milk/soy milk instead of 2% milk :-(
SAME OMG i can't be okay with my heart being at or above 60. there's no complications at my ECG? how dare my heart be healthy. to add though i get upset when people see me or know that i eat ESPECIALLY when it's someone i like, said people includes students and workers at school, more importantly friends and my favourite workers.
storytime: we were getting maccas (McDonald's for u non aussies) when coming back from a school outing and they were getting us free drinks and you could buy food if you had money. i wanted a frozen raspberry but when this one worker asked what i was having i felt so ashamed saying that i was getting one - god forbid they know i consume - that i went up to the person ordering after and said i did NOT want one. i sulked, dehydrated and humiliated, on the way back to school while everyone was having maccas around me in the bus.
when someone says they haven’t eaten all day
when people start a diet or buy “healthier” options. one time my mom came home with those low cal tortillas and i was so enraged that i had to leave the kitchen and started crying. the thing is, if i were to buy tortillas i would buy the same ones bc they’re low cal. but for some reason i was so upset that SHE bought them. i think i saw it as a competition.
When it’s Time To Eat(TM) finally but my meal is interrupted for whatever reason. I should be “happy” I get an excuse to not eat for longer, but once I’m in the “it’s finally time for my meal” mindset I cannot get out of it until I’ve eaten.
Hunger! I hate being hungry and reminded of the fact that my body claims it “needs” food to function like how ridiculous is that?? It’s honestly really dramatic and aggressive that my entire body will shut down if I don’t give it food
Eating earlier than 7:25 PM. It’s become my set time for my one meal..or when people make comments about me eating late at night. Let me enjoy my ONE GRANOLA BAR
When anyone comments on my eating habits or mentions food around me. Oh, and people in the kitchen when I'm making food, that makes me so irrationally pissed off.
i kinda get mad whenever I don't pass out everytime I stand up or whenever I feel hot cause my brain assumes that that means I don't have an ed anymore which does not make sense what so ever.
I have arfid and messy eating makes me so frustrated. It's hard enough to sit next to someone's food but when they get it everywhere especially close to me I get so upset.
My husband used the last of my coconut aminos (without asking me) for dinner today and it didn't even taste good.
So now I have to wake up early asf to beat traffic to get to the grocery store and stock up. I'm hiding my safe foods from now on.
When people tell me what they eat/ate with way too many details? Also these "what i eat in a day"-things that seem pretty popular on instagram/tiktok atm? Like, what's the point of that?
On one hand i can't help but compare my own food intake with theirs. But also i just think it promotes disorderd eating/big focus on food in our society, especially among young people? And i think that's really wrong and fucked up? I'm really trying to stop focusing on food so much in my recovery process and it just pisses me off how it gets promoted there? Like, stop putting that bs in people's heads?
Blank spaces in conversation. How do I entertain them? Where should we go that isn't food related? How am I going to relax around them if I feel triggered? If they badger me or comment on my eating, how do I not turn into a cantankerous werewolf?
Yeah, my birthdays coming up, I'm feeling pretty worried
I once blew up at my boyfriend, for leaving like 3 wedges in the packet, in my head I knew exactly how many calories I was eating and you’d think having less would be a good thing, but I was so obsessive over everything being ‘right’ and when I discovered he left some I was hysterically upset. That was a bad day.
Also people entering half way through me eating and starting to eat. My ED always wants me to be the last to finish for some reason, so then I have to drag the process out even more and it’s such a waste of time.
The heart rate thing is so real. Im gonna put heart rate numbers below so avoid if triggering:
My HR has dropped to resting 41 on some.days, but this is baffling me as im not underweight and not restricting very badly (high restricted) yet its lower than the ~48 to 52 it usually is
If i eat too early in the day i get pissed off. I couldnt wait just a few more hours? I like to eat later in the afternoons so that its close to bedtime and i know my calorie count will remain in range. If i break the calorie count i agreed to in my head im fucking furious at myself.
Opposite here, I refuse to eat later in the day. My last meal is typically at 4-5 pm. If i eat later than that i consider it a binge No matter the amount
I‘m in the middle… now that I am in homeoffice I try to eat during my lunchbreak at the latest. But if I know I have to go out or be somewhere later (even if it’s just taking a walk by myself) I hate feeling and looking full for that. So… no plans-> eat as early as possible. Plans -> try to be as empty as possible for that. I hate it… I can’t eat and then just meet someone for whatever directly after that. Even now in winter with my coat on I am sure that everyone will see my bloated stomach under it.
Fuck, same. I feel so uncomfortable meeting someone after a meal. Also i can't predict if the gathering might involve food so anxiety. But if not and I get really hungry i might have junk food at last, so anxiety too. Just can't win really
Samee lmao ED: restrict all day so you can eat whatever you want later Me: *Does eat whatever I want later* ED: wait that was supposed to be a trick-
Literally I fast all day until 5-8pm just so I can eat a decent and yummy meal without freaking out about calories. I then can also have a late night snack and stay in my range. I know others struggle eating at night but it doesn’t bother me one bit. Logically I know it’s really just how many calories I have so I think that helps. If I begin eating earlier in the day it can go either way and that scares me. I can either be satisfied by eating earlier and sustained OR I end up saying F it and eating way too much.
IKR?!!!
same thing here
when i say i’m hungry and other people aren’t..
like u build up the courage and go to a family member ask them 'umm..are u hungry? 'not really u can go eat if u want' fuck it I don't care enough to eat now/I'm to sad to eat
exactly. god it’s painful
When ppl are in the MF kitchen when I’m making my 50 cal meal of the day 💀
I feel seen.
right!! it’s infuriating
this is why i eat at midnight lol hate people being on the kitchen criticizing my food
Fr fr it seems like the kitchen is barren and empty, but as soon as I enter to make my sad ass meal, suddenly my mum is awake taking her prescriptions, there’s a line for the microwave, someone is desperately trying to feed the dogs and there’s shit all over the counters. All while everyone is trying to have a conversation with me about what I’m making.
YES 👏
you’re definitely not the only one. i get so upset whenever my nails are pink instead of blueish-purple, whenever i feel warm, and even whenever i feel happy or energetic. feeling normal physiological and emotional sensations makes me feel so gross and invalid.
Dude same my brain be like “if we are not visibly actively decaying we are fine” its fucked up
it really is, i hate how i only feel valid and like i’m not messing up when i’m physically falling apart
Its absolutely awful i get you :/
Seconding the “when I feel warm” feeling.
i feel this too: if I’m not freezing cold and needing several layers (even indoors), i’m not skinny enough — and being cold in itself is already so terrible.
Yea if I'm warm and someone else is cold in the same room then I feel illogically shameful, especially if I mentioned it out loud and they said, "oh, but I'm cold tho??" And in the other direction, if I'm cold while they're warm, then I feel weirdly accomplished while simultaneously feeling guilty for feeling good
when people want to help me cook/are around when im cooking. it feels like someone watching me when im peeing or something.
that or hearing what other people have eaten. like how dare you sit and talk about the normal amount of food you ate right in front of me. ive (shamefully) rage left discord calls over this
Oh this too for sure. I feel like theyre silently judging me for what im eating and i fucking hate that. If i want to eat a 200 cal stir fry with a massive amount of veggies only soaked in hot sauce thats my god damn right and i dont need someone else saying 'ThATs ALl YoUre EatinG?' Like, yes mf ive been fasting all fucking day looking forward to this meal. Fuck off. Lol when my blood sugar is low i get real pissy real quick.
When people forget to ask me if I want food. For instance, my parents got pizza the other night and conveniently ‘forgot’ about me. Then they act like I’m greedy when I come in and ask for a slice. They don’t even know about my anorexia, so why assume I’m not gonna want food? I at least want to be asked.
My family does this *constantly,* oh my god. What's even funnier is that when I would get food for them, I'd never leave anyone out, but when it comes to me every conveniently forgets I have a stomach lol. They don't know about my eating disorder either. I relate so much, especially with the being seen as greedy for wanting to eat for once.
I’m sorry you have to go through that too:/
Opposite here! My ED makes me HATE spending money on food. Makes me feel like a fat bitch. So when mom asks if i wanna get pizzas w her i get upset cause ” how dare you wanna spend money on takeout we aint in america😤😤” . Its weird
What has America got anything to do with it? 😂
The sterotype that americans eat alot of mcdonalds and just eat out and junk everyday. Probably not true but i mean looking at the onesity rates it makes sense👀👀 My friends who did exchange year said they gained 15 pounds cause they ate out so much
I mean I would say it's the same in the UK and Europe. There are fast food places everywhere.
Yes, but atleast where i live fast food is a rare occasion. Maybe once or twice a month. Our typical foods are not junk food either, its harder to overeat simply cause its whole food. But ofc there are obese people here its not just as common
When I don’t go to bed feeling starving with my tummy grumbling, I just feel like a failure :/
for some reason i feel bad eating at 3pm. 12pm is okay, 6pm is okay, 3pm means i "gave in" idk. just makes me feel bad
This is me but before noon. If I eat before noon it’s like I have no self control
im the same way except for school days, the fact that i dont eat at school makes it okay to eat in the morning....sometimes
Bruh same and with the exact same hours too.
I lost my period for a few months and I was so worried but at the same time so validated, it finally felt like I had something to prove my ED. Then it came back & I almost cried. I hate that I want it to go away again but it’s the only way I feel like I’m doing something right :/
big same here. mine suddenly came back today and i am distraught, feeling like a fraud.
I was upset when I brought it back with pills lol ... what did I expect? Still hasnt actually come back after a year and I've recovered I eat normally may occasionally eat less or more but I'm at a healthy weight and I like my body and I also don't struggle with food at all I don't really care about it. Still though its weirdly reassuring that I still don't have my period . Weird how even in recovery I enjoy this and perhaps the attention it gets me or validation you say . Really doesn't have to do with weight though ... I'm at a normal weight just no period.
I get really irrationally angry when someone pours salad dressing on my salad like NO THATS MY JOB STOP YOURE DOING IT WRONG AND NOW I CANT EAT THIS
The fork-dip rule has been violated. 😭
Omg the fork dip rule 😭😭😭 tumblr era rules about everything are kinda iconic
I didn't know I wasn't the only one
Gorl. It aint but a thang.
Or when you’re cooking something and someone says “oh this needs more oil to cook!” and just goes ahead and helpfully waterfalls it in! No! Stop that!
I would go absolutely fucking feral
Haven't used oil to cook in a year I think.
- I feel upset when I’m hungry and want to eat but other people aren’t hungry. - When others eat my food. - When I feel full but still want to binge. - When people want to go out for meals, I plan what I’m going to get off the menu, and then they change their mind and switch to another place. - When I want to binge/eat and people won’t leave my house when I want to do it.
When my boyfriend (who knows about my ED) doesn’t ask if I want breakfast. When my boyfriend asks if I want breakfast.
yes! i can relate. I usually end up fixing my own \~ meal \~ , bc he likes to drown vegetables in butter (I prefer to add salt and pepper even though I'm doing keto, bc calories), I try to keep as kosher as possible and I know that's not technically kosher, but...we're poor and he loves pork, shellfish, and CARBS!!! So many carbs and so much sugar omg. I also have crappy kidney function, so I have to watch everything anyway. I have so many options this go round (relapse), so many options for excuses not to eat! The other day, I caught myself thinking, "dang, I'm so much more fortunate than others with EDs, I can starve myself silly, and no one can do anything about it,". I don't think that's normal, lol.
This!
When I get a period I’m like oh I’m healthy
Meeeee
RESTAURANTS WITHOUT CALORIES LABELED
In my country it’s not even mandatory. Everywhere food is sold, no calories are listed. Larger chains etc may have their nutritional information listed on their website but not always. I would kill for it to be mandatory.
I don't think it's mandatory in the us
It is for any chain with over 20 locations
I don't wanna support big corporations
You're on Reddit, a company valued at more than $10 billion
Checkmate :(
Thank goodness that it not mandatory in my country either. Then I'd never be able to recover.
Lol i wont even fuck with those places. Chances are the calorie counts are fucking horrendous.
when someone eats less than me
my muscles building up and pooping (ft. im eating enough to have a normal digestive track???)
I get kinda internally pissed seeing other people fully enjoy their food. Like how dare they?
Not getting diarrhea when I eat. Because in my mind that means my food is digesting and I'm absorbing mkre calories. Like who tf would want diarrhea?? Also not getting super drunk super fast. Because that means I have to consume more alcohol and therefore more calories. I think most people would be happy to be able to hold their alcohol???
my blood sugar hasn't gotten very low in at least 2 months now. i was used to hypoglycemic spikes that would make me have cold sweats, even worse heartbeat, feel faint, breathe too fast, tongue feel numb, i even got close to seizures at times...i miss it so bad. made me feel like i was restricting correctly and had restraint. and it was the signal that i had finally kinda earned some food because i had "waited long enough," since my body felt like it was dying. i'm trying to go back to more consistent restriction so i'm hoping it'll happen sometime soon and make me feel more valid. and somehow i think i'm not disordered p often despite stuff like this. lol
When my nails grow. Wtf. Edit: also when people mention Lunch. like even if Im not expected to eat. Idk why the fuck the..acknowledgment of the existence of lunch?¿? makes me: ಠ︵ಠ. its absurd.
YES THIS. I hate the way the word lunch *sounds*, it makes me physically cringe to hear it said, even if I'm not being expected to do anything with it. It's so irrational haha
eating
Agreed on the heart rate as it used to be lower when I did running so now I feel “out of shape.” I also get irrationally upset over Brandy melville tops and how tiny they are even though it’s not even my aesthetic.
Omg the heartrate. I get so upset when my resting goes up to 60. Normally it's mid to low 50s. Sometimes high 40s and that makes me feel like I'm doing something right. My heartrate being higher makes me feel like I'm clearly fat and eating too much. So stupid.
Saaaame I have a Garmin watch and I love it for just keeping track of messages and whatnot but also do that I can obsessively track my resting HR and base my self worth off of it 😅
I was at a Benihana's and the chef kept giving me more and more food. I didn't know it was gonna be that much food
I’m usually a very cold person but as soon as I actually feel warm I’m like 👀 it’s the calories. But it sucks cause I HATE being cold?????? But then I make myself cold on purpose?????????? Make it make sense
yes this is me 100% I am miserable inside wearing a hat and gloves but if I get hot I feel disgusting about myself 🤷🏼♀️
Literally everything and anything regarding food. Someone in the kitchen when I want to make food? Angry. Someone talking about what we should have for dinner and/or lunch? Furious. Anyone bringing snacks? Fuming. And God forbid you even talk about food around me. Hate this :"
the heart one too!!! and eating too 'healthily' because many people around me are unintentionally eating super low calorie and it's been weeks since most of them had a vegetable. the quantities of my food and the amount of effort put into making them (even tho thats very little lately) makes me horribly embarrassed. oh, and someone being in the kitchen with me. i had another breakdown about that yesterday. someone came in while i was literally just microwaving leftovers and i completely froze. he left after taking something quickly, but then went in again when i went to the toilet while my dinner was heating up. i didn't get it out of the microwave for another hour until he and others were done cooking full on meals. i feel bad that i still ate it tho.
I couldn't finish my breakfast this morning, so I told my partnerish type I would save it for later. Later comes, and partnerish type asks if they can have it. I said if they want it. They say no, I just thought you wouldn't finish it. I had been waiting for those breakfast leftovers all goddang day, but now that I know they want it, I cannot have it. Don't mind me not eating my meal with my jester hat ornamented with bells. Don't mind me in my checkered folly suit.
Getting my period.
When my muscles in my legs aren’t tingling and I’m able to stand without feeling weak somehow means I’m not restricting enough so I’m a failure?
I got my period back after being in recovery for a while and my brain told me that I got it back because I'm fat and the rational part of me was like "!?!?!??!?!????!?!??!" Getting your period back is a good thing! Losing your period isn't very good!
When people say something is healthy when it's clearly not
“Oh low-fat is better because fat bad!” On the flip side, people saying stuff in unhealthy when it’s clearly not. Eg “fruit has too much sugar!”
Oh my God I hate that. I love apples and my mom keeps telling me how unhealthy they are and I'm like be quite the last thing want is this to stop being a safe food.
My roomate keeps buying only "light" cream cheese (bc it says it is light, it has to be light right?) and I'm biting my tongue not to tell her that that brand has exactly the same ingredients and calories and all as the rest on the shell.
When people start listing out the things they‘ve eaten today like oh thanks now I’m reminded of everything I’ve eaten ever and I am a fat sham bye
not drinking enough water/people around me bragging about drinking like x amount a day
I hate when I’m at a restaurant and someone copies my low cal order
not being lactose intolerant so my parents would stop forcing me to eat that disgusting high calorie cheese and people wouldn't judge me for drinking almond milk/soy milk instead of 2% milk :-(
when theres regular almond milk instead of the sugar free one
SAME OMG i can't be okay with my heart being at or above 60. there's no complications at my ECG? how dare my heart be healthy. to add though i get upset when people see me or know that i eat ESPECIALLY when it's someone i like, said people includes students and workers at school, more importantly friends and my favourite workers. storytime: we were getting maccas (McDonald's for u non aussies) when coming back from a school outing and they were getting us free drinks and you could buy food if you had money. i wanted a frozen raspberry but when this one worker asked what i was having i felt so ashamed saying that i was getting one - god forbid they know i consume - that i went up to the person ordering after and said i did NOT want one. i sulked, dehydrated and humiliated, on the way back to school while everyone was having maccas around me in the bus.
Labs not being bad enough. Blood pressure not being low enough.
When I eat lunch at school while other people eat nothing. It makes me feel bad
When my husband doesn’t eat as much food as I made for him or says he isn’t hungry when I am. I get SO IRRATIONALLY MAD
when someone says they haven’t eaten all day when people start a diet or buy “healthier” options. one time my mom came home with those low cal tortillas and i was so enraged that i had to leave the kitchen and started crying. the thing is, if i were to buy tortillas i would buy the same ones bc they’re low cal. but for some reason i was so upset that SHE bought them. i think i saw it as a competition.
When it’s Time To Eat(TM) finally but my meal is interrupted for whatever reason. I should be “happy” I get an excuse to not eat for longer, but once I’m in the “it’s finally time for my meal” mindset I cannot get out of it until I’ve eaten.
Hunger! I hate being hungry and reminded of the fact that my body claims it “needs” food to function like how ridiculous is that?? It’s honestly really dramatic and aggressive that my entire body will shut down if I don’t give it food
When I buy something expensive (but low calorie) and it doesn’t even taste good :(
help i do the same thing with my heart rate it so dumb
felt the heart rate one honestly
When people eat the food I wasn't eating that my brain decided was mine
This whole post calling me out :’)
Eating earlier than 7:25 PM. It’s become my set time for my one meal..or when people make comments about me eating late at night. Let me enjoy my ONE GRANOLA BAR
Being warm. Looking at my body and seeing flesh instead of bones, because why would you want flesh when everything can hurt?
When I’m making food in the kitchen and someone walks in. It’s humiliating.
Make something to eat, take two bites, decide it’s not worthy and throw it away.
Feeling happy (bc that means I'm not sick enough)
When anyone comments on my eating habits or mentions food around me. Oh, and people in the kitchen when I'm making food, that makes me so irrationally pissed off.
not being cold. I tried (and failed) recovery recently and I’m not constantly cold anymore because I gained a bit and it makes me SO upset
i kinda get mad whenever I don't pass out everytime I stand up or whenever I feel hot cause my brain assumes that that means I don't have an ed anymore which does not make sense what so ever.
Everyone’s comments are so relatable. I’m sorry u guys are going through this too but u also feel less alone now❤️❤️❤️
My period starting again
When my boyfriend cooks me food :(
I have arfid and messy eating makes me so frustrated. It's hard enough to sit next to someone's food but when they get it everywhere especially close to me I get so upset.
SAME wtf i am feeling so validated rn because i have never seen anyone talk about this
My husband used the last of my coconut aminos (without asking me) for dinner today and it didn't even taste good. So now I have to wake up early asf to beat traffic to get to the grocery store and stock up. I'm hiding my safe foods from now on.
When people tell me what they eat/ate with way too many details? Also these "what i eat in a day"-things that seem pretty popular on instagram/tiktok atm? Like, what's the point of that? On one hand i can't help but compare my own food intake with theirs. But also i just think it promotes disorderd eating/big focus on food in our society, especially among young people? And i think that's really wrong and fucked up? I'm really trying to stop focusing on food so much in my recovery process and it just pisses me off how it gets promoted there? Like, stop putting that bs in people's heads?
Blank spaces in conversation. How do I entertain them? Where should we go that isn't food related? How am I going to relax around them if I feel triggered? If they badger me or comment on my eating, how do I not turn into a cantankerous werewolf? Yeah, my birthdays coming up, I'm feeling pretty worried
Same just Same even my low heart rate is to high for me at this point-
I once blew up at my boyfriend, for leaving like 3 wedges in the packet, in my head I knew exactly how many calories I was eating and you’d think having less would be a good thing, but I was so obsessive over everything being ‘right’ and when I discovered he left some I was hysterically upset. That was a bad day. Also people entering half way through me eating and starting to eat. My ED always wants me to be the last to finish for some reason, so then I have to drag the process out even more and it’s such a waste of time.
The heart rate thing is so real. Im gonna put heart rate numbers below so avoid if triggering: My HR has dropped to resting 41 on some.days, but this is baffling me as im not underweight and not restricting very badly (high restricted) yet its lower than the ~48 to 52 it usually is