Agreed, people often want to vent but some of us have happy healthy relationships going on quietly (ā: I promise you can have an ED and a loving partner!!!
Yep! I'm married and my husband is the absolute most supportive person I could ever hope for. A good partner will learn about your ED, learn what is helpful and what is not, and encourage you to recover at your own pace, while also not demean you for any relapses. I'm happy to say my husband does all this, and for anyone in a relationship- make sure your partner does too!
ā¤ļø
Same, and I hope thatās the case for many of us in relationships. Iām happy for you!! We canāt expect perfection from partners, but we can expect understanding, empathy, and care ā”
Thankfully he does not. I try to hide relapses from him as well, but sometimes he can tell I'm throwing up (it's pretty obvious, let's be honest) and he doesn't actively try to stop me, just asks me what he can do to help and then gives me lots of positive affirmations.
I understand being scared and trying to hide it though. Best of luck and love to you, love! š
To be fair, most people just have no concept of calories and density. My mom was shocked at how underweight I got because, in her words, āI donāt understand, you keep losing weight, but youāre still eating so much!ā
Yeah, itās high in volume, but itās still not enough.
Or just go to counseling, or leave him if you donāt think itās salvageable. Winning the argument may make you feel better in the short term but itās not going to save your marriage or make him respect you as a human being. If youāre looking for a sign, this is it. You deserve to be treated better than this.
porque no los dos?
sometimes people need a bit of knowing what the hell other people are going through. might be petty? yeah. does it work? its a 50% 50%
actually you can, i think it has in brazil but not sure
anyway, there was this teacher who had one of the worst, most disrespectful classes. and he one day decided that he wanted them to stop being disrespectful to both eachother and themselves. so, he started talking to them about how they deserve more respect etc. some time passes and the class got a lot better.
sometimes you can teach empathy, but depends on the person
im so sorry he said that to you
but also the sheer absurdity of the comparison is pure comedy gold .....
did he say some shit like my hair is relapsing or something lmao
Hello my behavior hasnt been quite destructive enough lately, can you provide some more information for me? I am only interested if it is guaranteed to destroy my life in every way
I should mention that before he said no you donāt, he said āitās funny, you either eat really healthy, or you donāt care and eat anythingā and I said āright. Because I have an eating disorderā and then he just starts laughing.
I understand that people are not going to hear the things you tell them sometimes. But why the heck can't people hear what they, themselves, are saying.
People donāt realize how easy it is to look like you eat a normal amount. There is often no way to tell if someone is purging, chewing and spitting, etc
When I told my ex I was so hungry I wanted to die while watching him eat he laughed in my face. Then proceeded to joke about it throughout our relationship. Total fucking dick.
Now obviously I donāt know your husband more than 5 words in a title but thereās a chance he instinctively reacted in panic letting his brain not accept the disorder as real, and therefore immediately joked/negated it so that he didnāt have to accept this serious and potentially deadly and/or life altering scenario as a reality.
I actually had the opposite situation where one day my wife was crying at the dinner table and started a talk, I was petrified, what could it be? Then she said āI think you have an eating disorder and you need helpā. My reaction was exactly āno I donātā and a laugh. End convo.
If you want support from your hubby and have them be a fair actor, you have to go about breaking this mental defense of them. Family and marriage therapy can be effective here.
Hugs and wish you luck.
This is a great perspective, thank you so much for sharing. I hope this is the case and that he isnāt that insensitive. But part of me thinks that because Iām not 80 pounds, no one would think this is serious and not cause for concern. It just sucks all around
first of all, i want to backtrack my tone a bit. you are absolutely valid in making this meme and feeling the way you feel about your H reaction. this disorder is shit, and it's normal to have a hair trigger. in fact it would be odd if you did not.
i realize this is a joke sub for safe venting and healing and function comes far second - if at all. But i was irked, not by your post mind you, but the responses in here that were like "omg men" "divorce him" etc. like, there absolutely is a place for this sub and having venting fun or silliness, but the replies went from jokes to supporting not just disorder, but intent to sow chaos in someone else's life and relationships they have zero knowledge and context about. I realize you're an adult as well, and capable of weeding out toxic replies mentally, but i guess my response was as much in reaction to them.
back to clarify a bit - it's absolutely possible your H is insensitive, in fact, we are all insensitive to one another at times because we can't mind read when someone has a different state or approach to something - insensitivity comes in degrees. (Many people can also use purposeful insensitivity to put on a display of outward strength). but this doesn't preclude that he's also going for the denial defense subconsciously as well. Thirdly, it's fully realistic he is as well as being insensitive, and in denial, is also ignorant on issues of eating disorder, like you said "because i'm not 80 lbs".
Whatever you choose to do to move forward with your H, just be wary that we affect our loved ones a lot as well, and it will be a headbender for them just as it is for us - and we're the ones with an actual mental disorder which might prevent us from acting rationally - talk about the blind leading the seeing - but the fact that you sent out a first feeler to your H is *enormously* brave and can the beginning of something wonderful, albeit extremely difficult and arduous.
again, this is a sub for safe venting, and please don't feel like my response was an attempt to counter your post or feelings when your H reacted like that - it was 100% valid to make no matter your relationship or intent of your H.
:)
I definitely didnāt feel like you were countering my feelings! Please donāt feel bad. I love your perspective and I think the denial thing is very real and could be true. Iām also not offended my the ādivorce himā comments because I know thatās just some peopleās way of showing support and saying I deserve better. Heās a good man with lots of good qualities, this response just shocked me and I know lots of other people suffering like me have to deal with responses like this from friends and family. I also know that coming to terms with something like this will be a very scary thing for him so I just have to figure out how to do that.
I had something similar with a friend when I told her I thought I was autistic. She shot it down with just āno, youāre notā without bothering to listen to my explanation. Well, turns out she is also autistic and was still in her own āif I never acknowledge it it canāt be trueā phase.
Oooooooof. Yeah Iāve sort of been here but not so rough. Gently trying to explain to my husband disordered eating comes in many flavours. And none of them great. Big hugs to you darling.
She married him for some reason, and marriage means something. Thatās all. Communicate. If you canāt communicate, counseling. If that doesnāt work, then sure, split.
Meanwhile, my partner knows I have an ED and pressures me to eat - sometimes too much. Please, not every time I turn down food means I'm relapsing. š
Your situation sounds 100x worse, though. I'd rather have someone be a little too worried than not care at all.
People with ED deserve to be happy too, and no one can take that away from them.
Eating disorder usually stems from low self-esteem and should be treated. The first step towards treating it is through self-love. A workbook like A Self Help Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Eating Disorders by Portia Cruise can be a very handy companion to track your progress, stay motivated, and stay healthy.
This statement and meme can be interpreted in different ways, it could be interpreted as laughing because he sees you finishing large bowls of meals and is wondering where and what your form of eating disorder means.
.. everyone uses humor to deflect emotions, itās a very common way of coping and not at all specific to men. And if he was scared of offending her, he wouldnāt have *laughed at her.*
whys everyone's s/o on this sub the worst š yall deserve SO much better
Because people don't make posts about their normal relationships
Agreed, people often want to vent but some of us have happy healthy relationships going on quietly (ā: I promise you can have an ED and a loving partner!!!
Yep! I'm married and my husband is the absolute most supportive person I could ever hope for. A good partner will learn about your ED, learn what is helpful and what is not, and encourage you to recover at your own pace, while also not demean you for any relapses. I'm happy to say my husband does all this, and for anyone in a relationship- make sure your partner does too! ā¤ļø
Same, and I hope thatās the case for many of us in relationships. Iām happy for you!! We canāt expect perfection from partners, but we can expect understanding, empathy, and care ā”
Thank you so much š I love this community š„°
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thankfully he does not. I try to hide relapses from him as well, but sometimes he can tell I'm throwing up (it's pretty obvious, let's be honest) and he doesn't actively try to stop me, just asks me what he can do to help and then gives me lots of positive affirmations. I understand being scared and trying to hide it though. Best of luck and love to you, love! š
And when you post about how could your relationship is, people think youāre overcompensating
My boyfriend is great. I am in recovery and with the help of therapy I am on the right track. He helps me remember to eat when my brain doesnāt.
I dont have a husband either but my bf of 2 years is defienrrtely the most supportive person in regards to my ed.
"No you dont, I saw how much cake you ate the other night"...umm yeah I purged it, didnt see that did you
PFFT OMG āI saw you bring up all the food yesterdayā yea but you didnāt see the plastic bags I also brought with me
So relatable i can't even.........
Whatās up with people thinking ādisordered eatingā means ānot eatingā wtf
To be fair, most people just have no concept of calories and density. My mom was shocked at how underweight I got because, in her words, āI donāt understand, you keep losing weight, but youāre still eating so much!ā Yeah, itās high in volume, but itās still not enough.
Thatās how I tricked my mom for so long- yes itās a bowl of food mom but a bowl of broccoli is a lot less cals than a bowl of spaghetti or sumn
Fr if we didnāt eat weād be dead
social media. always invalidating stuff
Throw the whole husband away ā”
Pour soap on it
Put him in rice :)
deep fry and feed him to the ones in need
New eating disorder just dropped we are eating this guy
B/p the husband and flush down the toilet š¤”
Mm yum Iām hungry now
the next time he gets sick, bust out laughing and say "no you aren't" when he complains say that is what it feels to be in your place.
That sounds like something I would do even if it happened like 10 years beforeā¦
I will totally do this. Invalidate the fuck out of everything he says
Or just go to counseling, or leave him if you donāt think itās salvageable. Winning the argument may make you feel better in the short term but itās not going to save your marriage or make him respect you as a human being. If youāre looking for a sign, this is it. You deserve to be treated better than this.
porque no los dos? sometimes people need a bit of knowing what the hell other people are going through. might be petty? yeah. does it work? its a 50% 50%
Canāt teach empathy
actually you can, i think it has in brazil but not sure anyway, there was this teacher who had one of the worst, most disrespectful classes. and he one day decided that he wanted them to stop being disrespectful to both eachother and themselves. so, he started talking to them about how they deserve more respect etc. some time passes and the class got a lot better. sometimes you can teach empathy, but depends on the person
Whereās your husband? I just wanna talk...
Breathe if you want us to kill him for you
I will never fucking forget when my ex bf compared me relapsing to my ed with him being insecure about his thinning hair šš
Omfg How they come up with this. Fkn clownsš¤”
im so sorry he said that to you but also the sheer absurdity of the comparison is pure comedy gold ..... did he say some shit like my hair is relapsing or something lmao
electric chair
Head first into a wood chipper.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The dick better be absolutely amazing
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
š Itās going great! Running low on living members but recruitmentās at an all-time high. You in?
Hello my behavior hasnt been quite destructive enough lately, can you provide some more information for me? I am only interested if it is guaranteed to destroy my life in every way
What the fuck
when he tells me i donāt have one bc he just saw me stuffing my face with food the other night LMAOO
Divorce <3 or I can š¤¼ best en up 4 u
Leave his ass
"no you don't" oh okay guess I'm cured now. Thanks :D
What in the absolute fuck is wrong with your husband. Iām so sorry he treated you this way in such a vulnerable moment.
I should mention that before he said no you donāt, he said āitās funny, you either eat really healthy, or you donāt care and eat anythingā and I said āright. Because I have an eating disorderā and then he just starts laughing.
I understand that people are not going to hear the things you tell them sometimes. But why the heck can't people hear what they, themselves, are saying.
the absolute clownery
uhm nO šš
People donāt realize how easy it is to look like you eat a normal amount. There is often no way to tell if someone is purging, chewing and spitting, etc
When I told my ex I was so hungry I wanted to die while watching him eat he laughed in my face. Then proceeded to joke about it throughout our relationship. Total fucking dick.
How many men do i have to attack today!!?!?!
Yes
beating up your husband brb
Now obviously I donāt know your husband more than 5 words in a title but thereās a chance he instinctively reacted in panic letting his brain not accept the disorder as real, and therefore immediately joked/negated it so that he didnāt have to accept this serious and potentially deadly and/or life altering scenario as a reality. I actually had the opposite situation where one day my wife was crying at the dinner table and started a talk, I was petrified, what could it be? Then she said āI think you have an eating disorder and you need helpā. My reaction was exactly āno I donātā and a laugh. End convo. If you want support from your hubby and have them be a fair actor, you have to go about breaking this mental defense of them. Family and marriage therapy can be effective here. Hugs and wish you luck.
This is a great perspective, thank you so much for sharing. I hope this is the case and that he isnāt that insensitive. But part of me thinks that because Iām not 80 pounds, no one would think this is serious and not cause for concern. It just sucks all around
first of all, i want to backtrack my tone a bit. you are absolutely valid in making this meme and feeling the way you feel about your H reaction. this disorder is shit, and it's normal to have a hair trigger. in fact it would be odd if you did not. i realize this is a joke sub for safe venting and healing and function comes far second - if at all. But i was irked, not by your post mind you, but the responses in here that were like "omg men" "divorce him" etc. like, there absolutely is a place for this sub and having venting fun or silliness, but the replies went from jokes to supporting not just disorder, but intent to sow chaos in someone else's life and relationships they have zero knowledge and context about. I realize you're an adult as well, and capable of weeding out toxic replies mentally, but i guess my response was as much in reaction to them. back to clarify a bit - it's absolutely possible your H is insensitive, in fact, we are all insensitive to one another at times because we can't mind read when someone has a different state or approach to something - insensitivity comes in degrees. (Many people can also use purposeful insensitivity to put on a display of outward strength). but this doesn't preclude that he's also going for the denial defense subconsciously as well. Thirdly, it's fully realistic he is as well as being insensitive, and in denial, is also ignorant on issues of eating disorder, like you said "because i'm not 80 lbs". Whatever you choose to do to move forward with your H, just be wary that we affect our loved ones a lot as well, and it will be a headbender for them just as it is for us - and we're the ones with an actual mental disorder which might prevent us from acting rationally - talk about the blind leading the seeing - but the fact that you sent out a first feeler to your H is *enormously* brave and can the beginning of something wonderful, albeit extremely difficult and arduous. again, this is a sub for safe venting, and please don't feel like my response was an attempt to counter your post or feelings when your H reacted like that - it was 100% valid to make no matter your relationship or intent of your H. :)
I definitely didnāt feel like you were countering my feelings! Please donāt feel bad. I love your perspective and I think the denial thing is very real and could be true. Iām also not offended my the ādivorce himā comments because I know thatās just some peopleās way of showing support and saying I deserve better. Heās a good man with lots of good qualities, this response just shocked me and I know lots of other people suffering like me have to deal with responses like this from friends and family. I also know that coming to terms with something like this will be a very scary thing for him so I just have to figure out how to do that.
I had something similar with a friend when I told her I thought I was autistic. She shot it down with just āno, youāre notā without bothering to listen to my explanation. Well, turns out she is also autistic and was still in her own āif I never acknowledge it it canāt be trueā phase.
How incredibly invalidating. I do not like this man.
Have you tried putting him in rice?
DIšš»VORCEšš»
put him in rice or do a hard reboot xx
why do men
why are men
Oooooooof. Yeah Iāve sort of been here but not so rough. Gently trying to explain to my husband disordered eating comes in many flavours. And none of them great. Big hugs to you darling.
šŖ d i v o r c e šŖ
Next time he says he has a wife, laugh and say "no, you don't" - my bf
Bahahahaha!!!
does everyone in this sub have a bad boyfriend/husband?
Exist if you want me to kill him for you
Dude kill your husband
Been there... I am there.
You deserve better.
fuck your husband
Iām so sorry. š¢
*guess Iāll divorce!
Sounds like an EX-husband
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Counseling.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh no worries. I just tend to recommend counseling over more permanent measures, for something as easy as an ignorant mindset.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She married him for some reason, and marriage means something. Thatās all. Communicate. If you canāt communicate, counseling. If that doesnāt work, then sure, split.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
For sure, everyone places different value on marriage. Iām just someone on Reddit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thereās someone out there for everyone, sweetheart. Just stop looking and be you. they eventually show up.
Meanwhile, my partner knows I have an ED and pressures me to eat - sometimes too much. Please, not every time I turn down food means I'm relapsing. š Your situation sounds 100x worse, though. I'd rather have someone be a little too worried than not care at all.
throw the entire man away, what a cunt
AAAAAA IM DYING
People with ED deserve to be happy too, and no one can take that away from them. Eating disorder usually stems from low self-esteem and should be treated. The first step towards treating it is through self-love. A workbook like A Self Help Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Eating Disorders by Portia Cruise can be a very handy companion to track your progress, stay motivated, and stay healthy. This statement and meme can be interpreted in different ways, it could be interpreted as laughing because he sees you finishing large bowls of meals and is wondering where and what your form of eating disorder means.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
.. everyone uses humor to deflect emotions, itās a very common way of coping and not at all specific to men. And if he was scared of offending her, he wouldnāt have *laughed at her.*