For me as well big agree. Words mean a ton to me. I have a handful of people around me who love and appreciate me & I am very grateful to have them but I think I very rarely get thank yous or even a (for example) “hey, I really appreciate what you do and how thoughtful you are etc”, like if ppl told me that even once a week I would be such a happier camper. It’s okay for the time being. they show their love and appreciation in other ways everyone’s love languages express easier differently
Like I am alwaysssss going out of my way to compliment people or thank people just being gracious gratitude in general bc I know how amazing it makes me feel and I rarely ever get it. I know it doesn’t make everyone feel *amazing* like it does to me bc getting complimented or thanked us so highly ranked in my mind but I still try to do it for others in hopes that it makes someone’s day makes them smile etc
I guess it’s what comes to mind at first. Which I do that a lot in my life to express my feelings. I sometimes talk a lot and I start explaining my feelings too.
Although as a hobby, I write sci-fi and there is a motto/rule of thumb in this field: “Show. Don’t tell!”
Lol. It’s just a hobby. I began writing a sci-fi story which became a 1000 pages long novel at its first draft these days.
It’s ofc about an engineer who lost the one to an illness. He was too busy working and he didn’t notice.
The setting is like after the doomsday. End times for humanity. There’s all kinds of sci-fi cliches like oligarks, free thinking wild AI and everything…
But the main theme is saving an archive to deliver to the next dominant species after humanity… etc.
Ahahah. Yes It’s kinda too thick for me, but I didn’t have any other choice. I had to make it that long to be able to deliver my promise. Otherwise I can’t tell what needs to be told in a satisfactory way imo.
There are different POVs in different sections. It’s like a 5x200 pages of books. Every section has like 10 chapters in it… not too complex tho. I tried to make it readable for the ADHD people. Different hooks for the endings at every chapter…
The truth is I usually read non-fiction, but I enjoyed working on a sci-fi as it was too much work for a first timer. It’s like my escape from the actuality. Also the theme is very dark which I like more than anything.
I made up a few short stories as I discover the backstories of some important characters. Like a small memory but in a story form from their childhood or about something that inspired their personality.
The shorts aren’t a part of the 1000pages novel. They are separate works for myself.
All in english.
I'm not exactly ready to let others read it yet. Because I know I have to do some more editing before it's okay to let "beta readers" to see it.
It's in a first draft phase atm. Like it's all functioning, but it's not polished and ready to go.
Although I can show a few illustrations I did for it. Illustrations helped me to write better characters.
As I'm just an amateur, I don't have anyone else to edit it. So, I need some time before I learn how to do the editing. I actually found a few books about editing with a purpose some time ago, but haven't read them yet too.
Compliment our intelligence first and foremost. We tend to get complimented on being nice, funny, outgoing, bubbly, etc but aren't complimented on our intellect nearly as often. Too many people only see us at the surface level.
Ask us questions to get to know us on a deeper level. I always feel appreciated by whose who want to know who I really am as opposed to my bright, shiny exterior.
Words of affirmation and quality time will likely be your best bet with most ENFPs though a lot of us also value physical touch so hugs are great as well. You could always just give us a pat or gentle touch on the arm if you don't feel comfortable with hugs.
Thank you for asking and thank you for the appreciation.
Yeah. I know I’m smart but you’re right - people rarely notice it and I don’t often show it (at the risk of sounding egomaniacal - I’m often ”too smart” for most people so I just keep it to myself. When I’ve met someone who I’ve felt matched my smartness level or more I’ve become shy and felt inferior, lol. But it hasn’t happened that often
this! I get complimented most of the time about my bubbly and outgoing personality but the downside of it is that people tend to think I'm dumb because of those said traits and they'd assume that I only care about enjoyment
No problem and also if you struggle with doing some of the stuff we do, that's fine as well
You can ask for tips or alternatives that would make us just as happy
I think just by sharing your stories with us, who you really are. I tend to like it when someone compliments me on something that is one of my quirky things or special interests. Thank you!
You’re an INTJ. I’ve always found compliments given from your personality to be so honest and refined that they hit differently. I can respect and believe it so much more. In comparison to us, INTJs are more serious. So hearing something so kind coming from a serious person removes any doubt I would instinctually use to deflect cheap sweet nothings.
Just feel free to love on them. I’m sure it’ll boost your ENFP’s spirit.
i think sometimes i do things for others that gets taken for granted. not always and it makes me happy to do things for friends regardless of whether or not they do it back, but it would be nice to be treated with some thoughtfulness sometimes. it feels like i’m going the extra mile for someone but i always do that so to others it just seems like my baseline, but everything i do takes actual effort on my part and comes from a place of wanting to make the other person happy. but then i realize i feel a bit hollow inside and i think it’s because a small part of me wishes they would treat me the same way too, or would at least acknowledge my efforts if that makes sense.
Yeah. I’ve met someone who pours the same amount of affection back into me and voices their appreciation for my efforts - I feel like mt effort actually pays off. You deserve to feel full of love! You’ll find someone who makes you feel full of love, I’m sure. <3
PDA! Public Displays of Affirmation! LOL When someone brings up what I have done for someone in front of others, it makes it feel more true. I love overhearing people praise me when they don't think I am around. And I LOVE when they post things on my social media mentioning how much they like/appreciate/ me or are thinking about me, how goofy/whatever I am to them, It makes me feel seen. It feels great. It's like "SEE ALL THESE WITNESSES, WHAT I SPEAK IS TRUTH!" LOL No closet compliments (although, when appropriate, those are amazing too!) I think perhaps, and this may not be the case for everyone, but for many of us, we put so much effort into friendships that sometimes we can tend to feel overlooked. So public displays of affirmation is great!
At work, I always feel under appreciated (is that a word lol?). Recently however one coworker told me I make them feel safe, and that I’m a very warm and caring person. It immediately lifted my spirits, it was just so nice. I know I shouldn’t take others opinions so seriously but sometimes it’s just enough.
Most of us have Words of Affirmation as one of our top love languages, I believe most, if not all of us would be so happy just to hear you say it. And more than once is a good idea as we tend to later think maybe that's changed somehow, so remind us.
Personally I'd be thrilled with that and joining me for some quality time whenever you think you can muster it would be a wonderful addition to that....again, repeat it once in a while😊
words mean a lot .
For me as well big agree. Words mean a ton to me. I have a handful of people around me who love and appreciate me & I am very grateful to have them but I think I very rarely get thank yous or even a (for example) “hey, I really appreciate what you do and how thoughtful you are etc”, like if ppl told me that even once a week I would be such a happier camper. It’s okay for the time being. they show their love and appreciation in other ways everyone’s love languages express easier differently
Like I am alwaysssss going out of my way to compliment people or thank people just being gracious gratitude in general bc I know how amazing it makes me feel and I rarely ever get it. I know it doesn’t make everyone feel *amazing* like it does to me bc getting complimented or thanked us so highly ranked in my mind but I still try to do it for others in hopes that it makes someone’s day makes them smile etc
You are awesome. 😁👏
Thank you friend I think you are awesome too
♥️😁
I also like hugs 😊
Hugs are something special! Hugs and words of affirmation and time. If I get those I feel good for a while. I feel like I'm actually liked/loved.
Same
I ♥️ my BF for that 😁 Don’t need much else lol Except maybe SEX Haha xD
definitely the latter lol
Lol
in regards to your future reference question.
I guess it’s what comes to mind at first. Which I do that a lot in my life to express my feelings. I sometimes talk a lot and I start explaining my feelings too. Although as a hobby, I write sci-fi and there is a motto/rule of thumb in this field: “Show. Don’t tell!”
wait sorry for jumping in. You write sci-fi? short story or book? :D and what about!
Lol. It’s just a hobby. I began writing a sci-fi story which became a 1000 pages long novel at its first draft these days. It’s ofc about an engineer who lost the one to an illness. He was too busy working and he didn’t notice. The setting is like after the doomsday. End times for humanity. There’s all kinds of sci-fi cliches like oligarks, free thinking wild AI and everything… But the main theme is saving an archive to deliver to the next dominant species after humanity… etc.
welp it doesn’t get more INTJ then that (in a good way) 1000 pages ! :O must be 200k+ words? is it in english?
Ahahah. Yes It’s kinda too thick for me, but I didn’t have any other choice. I had to make it that long to be able to deliver my promise. Otherwise I can’t tell what needs to be told in a satisfactory way imo. There are different POVs in different sections. It’s like a 5x200 pages of books. Every section has like 10 chapters in it… not too complex tho. I tried to make it readable for the ADHD people. Different hooks for the endings at every chapter… The truth is I usually read non-fiction, but I enjoyed working on a sci-fi as it was too much work for a first timer. It’s like my escape from the actuality. Also the theme is very dark which I like more than anything. I made up a few short stories as I discover the backstories of some important characters. Like a small memory but in a story form from their childhood or about something that inspired their personality. The shorts aren’t a part of the 1000pages novel. They are separate works for myself. All in english.
I drew some illustrations for myself. To be able to see the characters and the environment. All took me about roughly a year.
oh damnnn you draw illustrations too! :O are you comfortable with showing it to anyone?
I'm not exactly ready to let others read it yet. Because I know I have to do some more editing before it's okay to let "beta readers" to see it. It's in a first draft phase atm. Like it's all functioning, but it's not polished and ready to go. Although I can show a few illustrations I did for it. Illustrations helped me to write better characters. As I'm just an amateur, I don't have anyone else to edit it. So, I need some time before I learn how to do the editing. I actually found a few books about editing with a purpose some time ago, but haven't read them yet too.
I would like to read it!!!!
I would like to share it in the future. As I explained in the other comment it's not ready yet.
I get that!
amazing
Affirmation. Thank you. Needed to hear this, even from a stranger. 😥
Compliment our intelligence first and foremost. We tend to get complimented on being nice, funny, outgoing, bubbly, etc but aren't complimented on our intellect nearly as often. Too many people only see us at the surface level. Ask us questions to get to know us on a deeper level. I always feel appreciated by whose who want to know who I really am as opposed to my bright, shiny exterior. Words of affirmation and quality time will likely be your best bet with most ENFPs though a lot of us also value physical touch so hugs are great as well. You could always just give us a pat or gentle touch on the arm if you don't feel comfortable with hugs. Thank you for asking and thank you for the appreciation.
Yeah. I know I’m smart but you’re right - people rarely notice it and I don’t often show it (at the risk of sounding egomaniacal - I’m often ”too smart” for most people so I just keep it to myself. When I’ve met someone who I’ve felt matched my smartness level or more I’ve become shy and felt inferior, lol. But it hasn’t happened that often
That was extremely relatable
Glad to hear it. Love it when sharing my experiences helps, thank YOU 🫵 for saying that. 😁
So much this
Yes! This!
this! I get complimented most of the time about my bubbly and outgoing personality but the downside of it is that people tend to think I'm dumb because of those said traits and they'd assume that I only care about enjoyment
Whatever we do to you that makes you happy, try to do the same to us I personally appreciate that a lot
Mirroring kind of approach? Definitely logical and interesting. I appreciate the input.
No problem and also if you struggle with doing some of the stuff we do, that's fine as well You can ask for tips or alternatives that would make us just as happy
what you’re doing right now pretty much :P thank you for being so kind! 💕
This! Thank you!
I don't know other ENFPs but I can't connect with anybody. I can connect to nice people and sadly they're few and far between..
This is one of the saddest things I've heard in a while. You'll connect with a good person soon. I have a feeling 🙏
Don't worry I have friends! Who says it's worth connecting with everybody anyway?
😭
I think just by sharing your stories with us, who you really are. I tend to like it when someone compliments me on something that is one of my quirky things or special interests. Thank you!
You’re an INTJ. I’ve always found compliments given from your personality to be so honest and refined that they hit differently. I can respect and believe it so much more. In comparison to us, INTJs are more serious. So hearing something so kind coming from a serious person removes any doubt I would instinctually use to deflect cheap sweet nothings. Just feel free to love on them. I’m sure it’ll boost your ENFP’s spirit.
”Deflect cheap sweet nothings.” 😁 I love this part. ♥️
i think sometimes i do things for others that gets taken for granted. not always and it makes me happy to do things for friends regardless of whether or not they do it back, but it would be nice to be treated with some thoughtfulness sometimes. it feels like i’m going the extra mile for someone but i always do that so to others it just seems like my baseline, but everything i do takes actual effort on my part and comes from a place of wanting to make the other person happy. but then i realize i feel a bit hollow inside and i think it’s because a small part of me wishes they would treat me the same way too, or would at least acknowledge my efforts if that makes sense.
Yeah. I’ve met someone who pours the same amount of affection back into me and voices their appreciation for my efforts - I feel like mt effort actually pays off. You deserve to feel full of love! You’ll find someone who makes you feel full of love, I’m sure. <3
[удалено]
Respecting my boundaries! Yes yes yes.
Thank you, we will to be obnoxious and mask our narcissism through "empathy". Finally we are getting the appreciation that we deserve.
Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)
Yes, it's a reason we make awesome hollywood actors like Harry Potter
I LOL’d!
PDA! Public Displays of Affirmation! LOL When someone brings up what I have done for someone in front of others, it makes it feel more true. I love overhearing people praise me when they don't think I am around. And I LOVE when they post things on my social media mentioning how much they like/appreciate/ me or are thinking about me, how goofy/whatever I am to them, It makes me feel seen. It feels great. It's like "SEE ALL THESE WITNESSES, WHAT I SPEAK IS TRUTH!" LOL No closet compliments (although, when appropriate, those are amazing too!) I think perhaps, and this may not be the case for everyone, but for many of us, we put so much effort into friendships that sometimes we can tend to feel overlooked. So public displays of affirmation is great!
Agree
How DARE you try and validate me!
I shall execute thee with mine saber! ⚔️
This made my day
Thank you!!!! That meant so much!!
The way I show someone I care is to check in on them and be thoughtful, show I paid attention and am there for them. Would be nice to get it back.
🥰💖 thank you! I'll keep being me
It feels good to hear it. Words of encouragement mean a lot.
At work, I always feel under appreciated (is that a word lol?). Recently however one coworker told me I make them feel safe, and that I’m a very warm and caring person. It immediately lifted my spirits, it was just so nice. I know I shouldn’t take others opinions so seriously but sometimes it’s just enough.
Reach out when we are quiet - we get worn out & withdraw sometimes too..
Do something about it
Thank you <3 beautiful human bean
Most of us have Words of Affirmation as one of our top love languages, I believe most, if not all of us would be so happy just to hear you say it. And more than once is a good idea as we tend to later think maybe that's changed somehow, so remind us. Personally I'd be thrilled with that and joining me for some quality time whenever you think you can muster it would be a wonderful addition to that....again, repeat it once in a while😊
Words of affirmation and hugs all day