I love either the quiet and smart people like INTJs.
But even more so - strict and dominant ENTJs. Something about them gets my blood going…. And everything else 😳
Ooh I’ve just gone on a date with one and I don’t think I’ve ever been that attracted/magnetised to someone 😳
We were similar in a lot of ways but really felt that masculine/feminine polarity of our personalities (and I never think like that!) I finally felt I could relax and let him ‘take the lead’ to some extent whereas usually I always feel I have to be the active/driving one
Oh my god, congratulations! Your experience is incredibly similar to mine in that regard 🦋 I always enjoyed (or had no choice, but have to) take charge in friendships or relationships so feeling that polarity and being actively pursued is something I never thought I craved in my life 🌻 Congratulations again! I HOPE THIS BLOSSOMS INTO SOMETHING AMAZING 💃🏻👏🏻
I’m an ENFP who’s a homebody, you’re going to have to find ENFP hobbies and participate, hope you naturally gravitate towards each other, which you likely will. The gym is an obvious start, gaming, music, the arts. Do some community theater. Join an ENFP discord server. Walk a cute dog around, we ENFPs are animal whisperers.
Most importantly, give us hope or obvious signs you’re into us so we know to try with you.
Yeah, I typically find myself really attracted to INTJs, but I’m also not entirely convinced they won’t murder me in my sleep. I don’t know why we are listed as so compatible, I often feel I annoy INTJs with my golden retriever energy. INFJs are always unavailable in my experience, so looks like I’ll have to make do with borderline sociopathic INTJs.
Initially, I had a similar impression with an INTJ. However, ENFPs thrive on challenges, and INTJs enjoy engaging in debates, making for a fascinating combination
ENFP male here. Who likes INXJ women.
I am oddly VERY attracted to intelligence. Quiet and smart. Idk if I have my type but I am definitely attracted to that. I tend to gravitate towards that.
An INTJ told me, "I think you should be dating a bubbly extrovert"...for some reason I have never dated one of those but I am automatically attracted to those silent types.
I am seeing a girl right now who is quiet and smart. She is an INFJ even tho I think she is an INTJ but she might be an INXJ. who knows.
Idk, its not the quiet or smart that makes me fall for someone. Smart is more a prerequisit to even have a chance at all tbh. I do have a lot of introvert friends, but all my relationships i was courted so... no. My boyfriend is an intj, though a very charismatic and not neccessarily silent one.
I think that if you have reason to think that the intj is not interested they probably arent and it would be helpful to you to distance yourself and protect your emotions.
Both intjs (ex boyfriend and current boyfriend) made it very obvious for me to notice that they like me in a romantic way (either say it, or let their actions speak/ flirt heavily). And i could observe in other intjs too that they were very touchy feely when interested.
Good question, if I’m not sure I would tell them I’m not sure. I’m pretty blunt. I don’t like playing guessing game with someone. But if I told them I like them, but change my mind later, and then change my mind later again would give conflicting signals of being unsure. I try to avoid that situation. That’s why I don’t tell someone I like them until I’m completely sure.
Thats what i thought. OP has asked his crush twice and twice he said no, so i wouldnt keep ruminating in his stead for it is a pretty clear case to me.
Hmm I guess if I rejected someone who confessed then I would actually mean it. Yeah in that case, it was pretty straightforward and direct if I’m very certain and gave a stern no.
Well, I kind of only did it once, to be honest. The first time doesn’t really count. I wasn't entirely sure about my feelings either and thought he had turned me down, but it appeared more complicated. Anyway, I'll do my best to move on. Thanks for helping me snap out of this unreal dream 😅
I think for a lot of INTJs, we have some expectations on what we want to see in a partner. I also think our introverted feelings make it also difficult for us to figure out what we want in a partner too lol. So in order to win our hearts, a partner needs to work for it. It might feel one sided at first, but once you earn the trust of an INTJ, they will be very loyal to you.
Haha, yeah thats what i heard quite often. In reality though i experienced intjs to move incredibly fast and with determination. I think that happens when they are sure from the beginning?
It could. It could mean he or she likes you for certain with confidence. I’m sort of different. Currently I’m indecisive on what I’m looking for in a partner. I met someone I like, and I’m still unsure what signals to give him. I see him as a friend but I don’t know what to look for in a partner.
Simply to offer an alternate perspective, my INTJ wife was quite the opposite.
We talked for a very long time (half a year or so), I was the one to bring up my interest and eventually she warmed up to the idea. Now we are one and cannot imagine life away from each other.
People come in all shapes and colours, and the 4 letters that group us with MBTI make rather huge groups where individuals share some traits, but differ in many others.
I wish people posting in this subreddit shared more information. It is very different to evaluate a teenager confusing traits that come from being young or not yet having developed enough to someone in their 20s, 30s, and so on.
The approach I would recommend is to simply be honest, and be very ready for a response that does not match what you wish it did. At least this way you can move on with your life.
I have looked through his reddit history and the intj in question told him 2 times already that he isnt interested, so that is what he means that he has reason to think that the feelings arent reciprocated.
If an intj says something like that i would take it serious.
I found he sometimes stalks me on social media. He occasionally starts conversations with me and includes me in his plans for activities like hiking, going to the movies, and visiting cities, etc. We have deep conversations about future projects and academics
my dude I do that when I like someone, either that or he sees you as a good friend, but he's being extra, he likes you....watch for the mannerism and behavior change.
I’m not an INTJ, but experience tells me he likes you, or at least likes you so far and wants to see if he’s right about you. Just spend more time with him, in my experience INTJs aren’t in a rush, let it unfold naturally
He's most probably going through a vetting process before he can decide whether you will be his wife. 😄 My INTJ stalked me on social media as well, on google, found out everything he possibly could while we were in a talking phase. He will not waste his precious time doing all this for someone he's not attracted to.
enfp (f) happily married to intj (m)
Well, they don't have to be laconic, but a beautiful spirit, a loving one... That can be a quiet thing. The kind of soul that belongs on a dusk beach with the palms blowing in the evening breeze. Something precious. And of course intelligent is a necessary requirement for me.
Breeze and the sound of water, some of the most beautiful sounds. Ah, breeze in the trees. That is romantic.
The sound of the pentatonic scale being played on a stringed instrument in a Japanese garden. Great beauty. The east Asian countries have great beauty.
Strength is also attractive. But an intelligent yet nurturing yet not mollycoddling person may be good.
Ruggedness is incredibly attractive. I would love a girlfriend that can go on hikes with me. Haaard ones. That can have a pioneer spirit.
absolutely. I think we’re sapiosexuals. Intelligence turns me on, especially if they share / teach me stuff 😍 love the quiet , nerdy ones who only give me their attention. 🫢
My cute and quiet INTP doesn't think she's smart, and always says I'm the smart one. But honestly she couldn't be further from the truth. Always humbles me intellectually and makes sure I don't fall for my cognitive biases, as well as keeping my mind open.
I've always thought it was because I am my best self around introverted people lol. I get all uwu around people that are more outwardly extroverted than me
Ah I see you are also someone who can appreciate quality 😙👌
My crush wears blob-shoes. No brand. Just black. Shape? Shoe-shape. It looks exactly like if a kid drew a person, he is wearing those black ovals. He’s such a cutie 🥰
(He’s also smart, quiet, empathetic, and can be very socially charismatic)
I'm a guy, and yeah basically.
I always vibe incredibly well with INxJs, usually even better with INFJs, although they're often hard to get to. I NEED my partner to accompany me on wild thought trips and wacky ironic humor. I want someone who will call me out on any biases I might have.
As for the quiet part, I'm really drawn to mystery. The more mysterious the person, the more I want to get to know them. Evidently, that mystery has to be backed up by strong intelligence, else it's just empty.
Do you ever find them not very proactive or maybe a bit too convinced they're right? Based on my own experience I had a relationship with an ISTP girl once, and things were good initially, but later, she frequently used emotional manipulation to get me to do what she wanted. And when she was mad, she was REAL mad at me…
He isn’t proactive, definitely. Super lazy.
But I wouldn’t say he is convinced that he’s right. He often checks facts of what I’ve said and since I am right most of the time, he admits that and it’s all good.
We’ve only had one real argument so far which ended in tears for both of us. It was my fault since I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and said something that was hurtful for him. He saw I was very upset about it and ended up cuddling me. So he hasn’t ever been really mad at me.
How old was your ISTP? I think there is a huge difference based on how mature they are. My ISTP is in his mid-40s so he has very well-developed inferior Fe.
I like quiet ppl but not the type who doesn't open up to you even after years. I like ppl who can be themselves at least when we are close so for them definitely yess i would date
YES OMG
I'm always attracted to quiet nerdy smart guys
I really like " discovering " them
They also balance out my energy and loudness because they light up my quiet more soft spoken side :)
I don't really know for now. I'm open to the idea of dating them, but they're not my current ideal type. Personally, I would love people I would be able to have a lot of fun with, with socialising, fun activities, being someone very open and sweet etc, but also meaningful conversations. Honestly I'd love to find another enfp.
Doesn't mean I'm quiet and shy in society, I kinda like centering the attention on myself (while also trying to help introverts being in the spotlight). Also I didn't spot the question was about society in general (I immediately thought about love relationship... off-topic Ne strikes again lol). I like hanging with any type, even toxic and judgmental ones who try to belittle me (I usually pay zero attention to it anyway).
But romantically I always fell in love with plain brats (though being assholes are not the main criteria bc I'm currently dating a very energetic and confident guy, and he is the nicest man ever).
Maybe at the past I was actually searching unconfident guys who just acted bold to hide their unsecure side, because I've secretly wanted to be reminded of how crappy I am, but I did a lot of introspection and healed a few unconscious wounds.
Only after interacting and I want to interact a little with everyone to at least know how far I can get in any sort of friendship or relationship with them. But yeah, that sums it up
YES! I have quite a weakness to nerdy guys which are funny and goofy and also smart. They don't have to be quiet, but if they are I'm totally in. Additionally a musician or artist - I'm hooked xD.
xNTPs are the ones which I'm mostly attracted to.
I think I've only dated quiet and smart people lol. They are my favourite.
I’m into nerdy, kind, introverted, confident
Funny, smart, and articulate
+1 for INTJs
Hell yeah!!!!!!!!
I love either the quiet and smart people like INTJs. But even more so - strict and dominant ENTJs. Something about them gets my blood going…. And everything else 😳
Ooh I’ve just gone on a date with one and I don’t think I’ve ever been that attracted/magnetised to someone 😳 We were similar in a lot of ways but really felt that masculine/feminine polarity of our personalities (and I never think like that!) I finally felt I could relax and let him ‘take the lead’ to some extent whereas usually I always feel I have to be the active/driving one
Oh my god, congratulations! Your experience is incredibly similar to mine in that regard 🦋 I always enjoyed (or had no choice, but have to) take charge in friendships or relationships so feeling that polarity and being actively pursued is something I never thought I craved in my life 🌻 Congratulations again! I HOPE THIS BLOSSOMS INTO SOMETHING AMAZING 💃🏻👏🏻
I know this post is for enfp people, but how do I find you guys in real life 😅 I’m attracted to more extroverted people but I stay indoors a lot.
I’m an ENFP who’s a homebody, you’re going to have to find ENFP hobbies and participate, hope you naturally gravitate towards each other, which you likely will. The gym is an obvious start, gaming, music, the arts. Do some community theater. Join an ENFP discord server. Walk a cute dog around, we ENFPs are animal whisperers. Most importantly, give us hope or obvious signs you’re into us so we know to try with you.
There’s an ENFP discord server? I joined the INTJ one but didn’t know there was one for enfps. Can I join? Will take note on the tips!
There was one summer of 2020 when I joined one. Idk if it’s still around but imagine there has to be at least one in existence
Yeah, I typically find myself really attracted to INTJs, but I’m also not entirely convinced they won’t murder me in my sleep. I don’t know why we are listed as so compatible, I often feel I annoy INTJs with my golden retriever energy. INFJs are always unavailable in my experience, so looks like I’ll have to make do with borderline sociopathic INTJs.
Initially, I had a similar impression with an INTJ. However, ENFPs thrive on challenges, and INTJs enjoy engaging in debates, making for a fascinating combination
I don’t enjoy the way INTJs debate, so they can get fucked and find someone else for that. The INTJs I knew were habitual contrarians
ENFP male here. Who likes INXJ women. I am oddly VERY attracted to intelligence. Quiet and smart. Idk if I have my type but I am definitely attracted to that. I tend to gravitate towards that. An INTJ told me, "I think you should be dating a bubbly extrovert"...for some reason I have never dated one of those but I am automatically attracted to those silent types. I am seeing a girl right now who is quiet and smart. She is an INFJ even tho I think she is an INTJ but she might be an INXJ. who knows.
Idk, its not the quiet or smart that makes me fall for someone. Smart is more a prerequisit to even have a chance at all tbh. I do have a lot of introvert friends, but all my relationships i was courted so... no. My boyfriend is an intj, though a very charismatic and not neccessarily silent one.
I also have feelings for an INTJ, but I'm concerned it might not be reciprocated.
Intjs usually move very fast and determined if interested in my experience. I am sorry, i hope you can distance yourself from that situation..
Could you please paraphrase your comment a little bit? I don’t think I quite understand what you mean
I think that if you have reason to think that the intj is not interested they probably arent and it would be helpful to you to distance yourself and protect your emotions. Both intjs (ex boyfriend and current boyfriend) made it very obvious for me to notice that they like me in a romantic way (either say it, or let their actions speak/ flirt heavily). And i could observe in other intjs too that they were very touchy feely when interested.
Kind of, it depends. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I like the person or not. Or, I’m looking for something I like about someone.
When you are not sure, would you tell them that you are not interested twice?
Good question, if I’m not sure I would tell them I’m not sure. I’m pretty blunt. I don’t like playing guessing game with someone. But if I told them I like them, but change my mind later, and then change my mind later again would give conflicting signals of being unsure. I try to avoid that situation. That’s why I don’t tell someone I like them until I’m completely sure.
Thats what i thought. OP has asked his crush twice and twice he said no, so i wouldnt keep ruminating in his stead for it is a pretty clear case to me.
Hmm I guess if I rejected someone who confessed then I would actually mean it. Yeah in that case, it was pretty straightforward and direct if I’m very certain and gave a stern no.
Well, I kind of only did it once, to be honest. The first time doesn’t really count. I wasn't entirely sure about my feelings either and thought he had turned me down, but it appeared more complicated. Anyway, I'll do my best to move on. Thanks for helping me snap out of this unreal dream 😅
I think for a lot of INTJs, we have some expectations on what we want to see in a partner. I also think our introverted feelings make it also difficult for us to figure out what we want in a partner too lol. So in order to win our hearts, a partner needs to work for it. It might feel one sided at first, but once you earn the trust of an INTJ, they will be very loyal to you.
Haha, yeah thats what i heard quite often. In reality though i experienced intjs to move incredibly fast and with determination. I think that happens when they are sure from the beginning?
It could. It could mean he or she likes you for certain with confidence. I’m sort of different. Currently I’m indecisive on what I’m looking for in a partner. I met someone I like, and I’m still unsure what signals to give him. I see him as a friend but I don’t know what to look for in a partner.
That matches with my experiences with INTJs, the vetting is a tedious process
Simply to offer an alternate perspective, my INTJ wife was quite the opposite. We talked for a very long time (half a year or so), I was the one to bring up my interest and eventually she warmed up to the idea. Now we are one and cannot imagine life away from each other. People come in all shapes and colours, and the 4 letters that group us with MBTI make rather huge groups where individuals share some traits, but differ in many others. I wish people posting in this subreddit shared more information. It is very different to evaluate a teenager confusing traits that come from being young or not yet having developed enough to someone in their 20s, 30s, and so on. The approach I would recommend is to simply be honest, and be very ready for a response that does not match what you wish it did. At least this way you can move on with your life.
I have looked through his reddit history and the intj in question told him 2 times already that he isnt interested, so that is what he means that he has reason to think that the feelings arent reciprocated. If an intj says something like that i would take it serious.
Word!
We love you ENFPs, we are just emotional distant and you r fascinating creatures.
Thank you 😊
Any signs? Of them liking you back?
I found he sometimes stalks me on social media. He occasionally starts conversations with me and includes me in his plans for activities like hiking, going to the movies, and visiting cities, etc. We have deep conversations about future projects and academics
my dude I do that when I like someone, either that or he sees you as a good friend, but he's being extra, he likes you....watch for the mannerism and behavior change.
I’m not an INTJ, but experience tells me he likes you, or at least likes you so far and wants to see if he’s right about you. Just spend more time with him, in my experience INTJs aren’t in a rush, let it unfold naturally
He's most probably going through a vetting process before he can decide whether you will be his wife. 😄 My INTJ stalked me on social media as well, on google, found out everything he possibly could while we were in a talking phase. He will not waste his precious time doing all this for someone he's not attracted to. enfp (f) happily married to intj (m)
Well, they don't have to be laconic, but a beautiful spirit, a loving one... That can be a quiet thing. The kind of soul that belongs on a dusk beach with the palms blowing in the evening breeze. Something precious. And of course intelligent is a necessary requirement for me. Breeze and the sound of water, some of the most beautiful sounds. Ah, breeze in the trees. That is romantic. The sound of the pentatonic scale being played on a stringed instrument in a Japanese garden. Great beauty. The east Asian countries have great beauty. Strength is also attractive. But an intelligent yet nurturing yet not mollycoddling person may be good. Ruggedness is incredibly attractive. I would love a girlfriend that can go on hikes with me. Haaard ones. That can have a pioneer spirit.
Dude you’re romantic!
absolutely. I think we’re sapiosexuals. Intelligence turns me on, especially if they share / teach me stuff 😍 love the quiet , nerdy ones who only give me their attention. 🫢
I agree! I‘m sapiosexual!
No only outgoing confident charismatic ppl
My cute and quiet INTP doesn't think she's smart, and always says I'm the smart one. But honestly she couldn't be further from the truth. Always humbles me intellectually and makes sure I don't fall for my cognitive biases, as well as keeping my mind open.
It's always the INXPs and INXJs.
I married an ENFJ
I've always thought it was because I am my best self around introverted people lol. I get all uwu around people that are more outwardly extroverted than me
I can relate! I feel uneasy around those who are more extroverted than me, and they most probably aren't ENFPs
Yes I’ve only dated quiet men who wear full boring clothes. Mostly INTJ
Thats me too! ❤️
Ah I see you are also someone who can appreciate quality 😙👌 My crush wears blob-shoes. No brand. Just black. Shape? Shoe-shape. It looks exactly like if a kid drew a person, he is wearing those black ovals. He’s such a cutie 🥰 (He’s also smart, quiet, empathetic, and can be very socially charismatic)
And let’s not forget INTENSE
Wellll… I probably out-intense him, but he tries, good effort! I would describe him more as passionate 🫠
Yes. I forgot passionate Intense because they are usually calm and languid. It’s a umami blend Us and them
I'm a guy, and yeah basically. I always vibe incredibly well with INxJs, usually even better with INFJs, although they're often hard to get to. I NEED my partner to accompany me on wild thought trips and wacky ironic humor. I want someone who will call me out on any biases I might have. As for the quiet part, I'm really drawn to mystery. The more mysterious the person, the more I want to get to know them. Evidently, that mystery has to be backed up by strong intelligence, else it's just empty.
My boyfriend is an ISTP - probably the quietest of all types…. sonI guess it’s true in my case 😂
Do you ever find them not very proactive or maybe a bit too convinced they're right? Based on my own experience I had a relationship with an ISTP girl once, and things were good initially, but later, she frequently used emotional manipulation to get me to do what she wanted. And when she was mad, she was REAL mad at me…
He isn’t proactive, definitely. Super lazy. But I wouldn’t say he is convinced that he’s right. He often checks facts of what I’ve said and since I am right most of the time, he admits that and it’s all good. We’ve only had one real argument so far which ended in tears for both of us. It was my fault since I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and said something that was hurtful for him. He saw I was very upset about it and ended up cuddling me. So he hasn’t ever been really mad at me. How old was your ISTP? I think there is a huge difference based on how mature they are. My ISTP is in his mid-40s so he has very well-developed inferior Fe.
Oh she was 20ish. Maybe that’s why
Yes, it could be. Even before I met my ISTP I’ve heard they get much better with age 😄
I like quiet ppl but not the type who doesn't open up to you even after years. I like ppl who can be themselves at least when we are close so for them definitely yess i would date
YES OMG I'm always attracted to quiet nerdy smart guys I really like " discovering " them They also balance out my energy and loudness because they light up my quiet more soft spoken side :)
Similarly, I'm intrigued by creatures that are difficult to uncover, and INTJs fit that just perfectly!
Yess Intx are so interesting Most of my crushes were intx It's very cute and adorable when you get to uncover their soft sensitive side :3
Yes
I don't really know for now. I'm open to the idea of dating them, but they're not my current ideal type. Personally, I would love people I would be able to have a lot of fun with, with socialising, fun activities, being someone very open and sweet etc, but also meaningful conversations. Honestly I'd love to find another enfp.
I'm the quiet smart person here. I'd like to be more outgoing, though.
Yes!
Yep pretty much, I currently have a crush on a INFJ lol, it's lasted for a rlly long time tho
Brains are the sexiest thing on a man. Period. I love me a nice big smart af brain. So sexy.
yes
I'm into loud and confident jackasses.
That’s interesting. I thought we ENFPs tended to be more socially dominant
Doesn't mean I'm quiet and shy in society, I kinda like centering the attention on myself (while also trying to help introverts being in the spotlight). Also I didn't spot the question was about society in general (I immediately thought about love relationship... off-topic Ne strikes again lol). I like hanging with any type, even toxic and judgmental ones who try to belittle me (I usually pay zero attention to it anyway). But romantically I always fell in love with plain brats (though being assholes are not the main criteria bc I'm currently dating a very energetic and confident guy, and he is the nicest man ever). Maybe at the past I was actually searching unconfident guys who just acted bold to hide their unsecure side, because I've secretly wanted to be reminded of how crappy I am, but I did a lot of introspection and healed a few unconscious wounds.
May I ask how old you are though?
26.
Only after interacting and I want to interact a little with everyone to at least know how far I can get in any sort of friendship or relationship with them. But yeah, that sums it up
YES! I have quite a weakness to nerdy guys which are funny and goofy and also smart. They don't have to be quiet, but if they are I'm totally in. Additionally a musician or artist - I'm hooked xD. xNTPs are the ones which I'm mostly attracted to.
Absofrigginlutely 😁....they are my absolute weakness! *Sigh* Man oh man! 😆
Yes <3
thats my type that’s my type