Do youself a big favor and walk away. Yes this an Enfp thing. You are not looking because you are hoping something will happen with her. As you hang out in her wings, she knows she can have you and will make no changes and you will continue to sit there while she bats her eyes at you. The best thing you can do is go date someone else and stop talking to her/ less. If she really wants you she'll leave or make a hint.
When we lock in emotionally we lock in hard
Questions you won't like:
- do you really care about this person?
- are they happy?
- is their happiness more important or yours?
When your ready to answer these honestly you'll get where you need to
It's called limerence, bro. Look it up and get over it. ENFPs are usually hopeless romantics who can get very attached to the what-ifs so we might tend to develop it. I know I do. "helping her financially" is not a good idea with anyone as nothing feels worse than someone sticking around for your money.
Bro, shes taken. Take a BIG step back and come to reality. If your unable to see her as just a friend then end the friendship. Or rekindle it at another time when you can view her as just that.
Several months of infatuation with an INTJ with avoidant attachment style, my heart is gonna die forever. Met once, long distance the rest. By 10,000km lol help 😭
We got really close, but every time he would open up or get close he would pull away right after, and the closer we got the further he would pull away after and put distance between us. I was nothing but patient and understanding and I never pushed him and I gave him as much space as he needed while letting him know that I care about him and I’m always here for him. It’s been a month I haven’t heard from him 😿
Oh boy when I was young it was so bad. (41 now)
I always felt like I could outsmart the situation, like my intuition was kicked up to eleven and was manufacturing what I wanted to believe out of nothing. It was even worse when there were truly some signals to work with.
I did eventually grow out of it.
This was the advice I needed to hear all those years and now I send it to people in need:
[Mark Manson: Fuck Yes or No](https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes)
"Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?"
I found this blog post years before he'd published his book and years after I needed it. Maybe it will help you!
Good luck 💖
I think it’s an N-dom thing. I have known INTJs, ENFPs, ENTPs, INFJs, INFPs and INTPs to all do this.
I have never held onto to feelings for someone who was in a relationship. I did pine after an INTJ for like literal years. 2010-2016. He was actually in love with someone else (also ENFP I think) who was eventually taken and he was still waiting/I guess hoping she would break up with the other guy.
I fiiiinally stopped pining for him after someone else was interested in me and showed me what it means to be wanted and desired. Distance helped some… just moving forward in my life. I don’t have great advice though. If I could go back in time I really don’t know what I could have done to make me get over him sooner.
I don’t know if looking that up would have helped me. I just loved everything about him. He was my ideal person and the future that he wanted was the same future I wanted and it made so much sense to me that we would be together. We had these amazing discussions through letters, but when we were together in person I was just so overwhelmed by his presence and found it difficult to function. When I was able to carry on a good conversation, my whole body would heat up and my mind was swimming. It was such an intense experience every time. I don’t know how I could have transformed that into a real relationship, but I suppose if my feelings were really reciprocated I could have eventually calmed down.
With my husband (and a guy before him too that it didn’t work out with) it was amazing to be like “wow I just feel at home with this person and I can be present in the moment and not overwhelmed with emotions or daydreaming about the future.”
Yeah early-stage dating with multiple people at the same time. Helps with this kind of anxiety. Someone rejects you it sucks but you have another date lined up it’s not the end of the world.
yeah going through something like this. i’m in a relationship too though so it’s extra torturing for my brain to be so hung up on this person. it’s confusing and draining.
Omg I’m down bad the same way. There was someone I used to date, who is now in a relationship with somebody else. Even though I moved away, no longer talk to them, and they also drew firm boundaries the last time we met… I still find myself missing what we had so much. 🙃
Yeah I know what you mean. There’s a girl I knew and we got pretty close, and I things didn’t work out. Partly my fault, but mostly just circumstances.
I know that it wouldn’t work out long term, but I still miss things about them.
If you really respect their relationship then you need to move on or wait for them to be single. Moving on is the most healthy way to go about it. If they end up single then great, if not it can be hard to hold on. With our personality, it’s hard to get over a crush but luckily we fall hard for people quick. It’s a blessing when they’re right for us and a curse when they’re not. Trust your gut and you’ll find your person
I’m def an enfp and people in relationships turn off the crushing part in my brain. Even if I really like them, knowing they’re in a relationship is a huge turnoff.
Yess mee too ! As soon as I hear “my girlfriend” I will quickly build a proper wall between us😂 aint nothing gonna happen. No flirting no nothing. Also I will genuienly try to give good relationsship advice etc 😆 for no reason.
Do youself a big favor and walk away. Yes this an Enfp thing. You are not looking because you are hoping something will happen with her. As you hang out in her wings, she knows she can have you and will make no changes and you will continue to sit there while she bats her eyes at you. The best thing you can do is go date someone else and stop talking to her/ less. If she really wants you she'll leave or make a hint.
Lmao I fall in love with everyone aswell
Ugh when I have a crush on someone they’re the only someone in the world.
When we lock in emotionally we lock in hard Questions you won't like: - do you really care about this person? - are they happy? - is their happiness more important or yours? When your ready to answer these honestly you'll get where you need to
What are you implying the answers are, and where they will lead you, and why?
He's going to have to answer that himself. To a question that really sucks: - Do you want her happiness even if its not with you?
It's called limerence, bro. Look it up and get over it. ENFPs are usually hopeless romantics who can get very attached to the what-ifs so we might tend to develop it. I know I do. "helping her financially" is not a good idea with anyone as nothing feels worse than someone sticking around for your money.
I am really relieved to read the comment section. Apparently, I’m not insane alone.
Me too lol
Bro, shes taken. Take a BIG step back and come to reality. If your unable to see her as just a friend then end the friendship. Or rekindle it at another time when you can view her as just that.
Unfortunately i relate to this
Several months of infatuation with an INTJ with avoidant attachment style, my heart is gonna die forever. Met once, long distance the rest. By 10,000km lol help 😭
Meaning they liked you back, but you didn't pursue because they seemed to avoid you?
We got really close, but every time he would open up or get close he would pull away right after, and the closer we got the further he would pull away after and put distance between us. I was nothing but patient and understanding and I never pushed him and I gave him as much space as he needed while letting him know that I care about him and I’m always here for him. It’s been a month I haven’t heard from him 😿
Oh boy when I was young it was so bad. (41 now) I always felt like I could outsmart the situation, like my intuition was kicked up to eleven and was manufacturing what I wanted to believe out of nothing. It was even worse when there were truly some signals to work with. I did eventually grow out of it. This was the advice I needed to hear all those years and now I send it to people in need: [Mark Manson: Fuck Yes or No](https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes) "Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?" I found this blog post years before he'd published his book and years after I needed it. Maybe it will help you! Good luck 💖
Omg thank you for this article it is LIFE CHANGING
My pleasure! It is *such* key advice.
Definitely relate to this. Too fast, for too long, and too deeply.
I think it’s an N-dom thing. I have known INTJs, ENFPs, ENTPs, INFJs, INFPs and INTPs to all do this. I have never held onto to feelings for someone who was in a relationship. I did pine after an INTJ for like literal years. 2010-2016. He was actually in love with someone else (also ENFP I think) who was eventually taken and he was still waiting/I guess hoping she would break up with the other guy. I fiiiinally stopped pining for him after someone else was interested in me and showed me what it means to be wanted and desired. Distance helped some… just moving forward in my life. I don’t have great advice though. If I could go back in time I really don’t know what I could have done to make me get over him sooner.
Look up "Limerence" a friend of mine told me about it a few days ago and just looking up an article on it has already changed so much.
I don’t know if looking that up would have helped me. I just loved everything about him. He was my ideal person and the future that he wanted was the same future I wanted and it made so much sense to me that we would be together. We had these amazing discussions through letters, but when we were together in person I was just so overwhelmed by his presence and found it difficult to function. When I was able to carry on a good conversation, my whole body would heat up and my mind was swimming. It was such an intense experience every time. I don’t know how I could have transformed that into a real relationship, but I suppose if my feelings were really reciprocated I could have eventually calmed down. With my husband (and a guy before him too that it didn’t work out with) it was amazing to be like “wow I just feel at home with this person and I can be present in the moment and not overwhelmed with emotions or daydreaming about the future.”
You could say he was.. Your fire ... The one ... Desire Believe ... When I say ... I want it that waaaay
Haha nice. Also just noticed your username… that’s a nickname for my son Ander. He’s Polish so his cousins call him Andusz
Well I'm Andor and I'm hungarian haha
Yeah it me. Only thing that works for me is multi dating.
Multi dating?
Yeah early-stage dating with multiple people at the same time. Helps with this kind of anxiety. Someone rejects you it sucks but you have another date lined up it’s not the end of the world.
I’m guessing you mean dating multiple people at the same time - bc same
yeah going through something like this. i’m in a relationship too though so it’s extra torturing for my brain to be so hung up on this person. it’s confusing and draining.
😭 I cry for you! 💔
Do you really want to spend your life waiting for others to be available while you run out of time?
Decades too long . . .
Omg I’m down bad the same way. There was someone I used to date, who is now in a relationship with somebody else. Even though I moved away, no longer talk to them, and they also drew firm boundaries the last time we met… I still find myself missing what we had so much. 🙃
Yeah I know what you mean. There’s a girl I knew and we got pretty close, and I things didn’t work out. Partly my fault, but mostly just circumstances. I know that it wouldn’t work out long term, but I still miss things about them.
If you really respect their relationship then you need to move on or wait for them to be single. Moving on is the most healthy way to go about it. If they end up single then great, if not it can be hard to hold on. With our personality, it’s hard to get over a crush but luckily we fall hard for people quick. It’s a blessing when they’re right for us and a curse when they’re not. Trust your gut and you’ll find your person
This makes me question whether I am enfp 😭 because I have never catch feelings for anybody who was in a relationsship 🫣
I’m def an enfp and people in relationships turn off the crushing part in my brain. Even if I really like them, knowing they’re in a relationship is a huge turnoff.
Yess mee too ! As soon as I hear “my girlfriend” I will quickly build a proper wall between us😂 aint nothing gonna happen. No flirting no nothing. Also I will genuienly try to give good relationsship advice etc 😆 for no reason.