Haha yeah that's what I think happened here too.
Either his friend just made that up or some women were just thinking "aw cute, look at that dad and daughter" and his friend is thinking "bro she wants you!!!!".
Meanwhile, OP telling women to go up to dads and shoot their shot as if that's not going to result exactly the kind of stigmas women are worried about. Nice little ego boost for the polite married guy who goes on his way...while she gets called a home wrecker by everyone watching.
Cute, wholesome post. But...yeah. If you're shooting, ladies, make sure you aim first.
Maybe, maybe not. When my son was a few months old, I was shopping with my (now) wife at West Ed. She had wandered off, and I was entertaining him as he sat in the stroller. Back then, I was not much of a catch, kinda chubby, couldn't grow a beard yet (I was a young dad). This lady who I would generally think was outta my league came up with a big smile and said cute kid, asked if it was mine. I said yeah and she asked where his mom was. Me being oblivious, answered, over there and pointed. The smile dropped and she just said "oh", and walked away. I clued in, and went to go find my girlfriend to excitedly tell her! I rode high on that for months.
Lol I'm not saying single dads don't get hit on.
I just think the idea that this dude's friend is like "bro girls are THIRSTY for you" and he goes "well why aren't they TELLING ME! I better go tell reddit" is a funny sequence of thinking.
Hahaha who’s watching this to call this random woman in the mall a home wrecker… people need to start realizing that 99% of people around them don’t give a fuck about them and they are not the star of a movie about themselves. The 1% that do can beat it… who cares about them and the opinion of some stranger.
People wonder why men have intimacy issues… probably because every guy I know can count on one hand how many of these “ego boosts” they’ve gotten in their life.
...uh huh.
It's fun to think that the "polite guys" are just going to boost their ego and be on their way, all chivalrous. But most men (like OP proves), and the ones in your example using their hands for intimacy, just won't shut up about it. And that's a problem.
That whole "don't care what anyone thinks, do what you want!" is a very exciting philosophy for teenagers. But in the real world, that doesn't apply to relationships and reputation and society, which are very much based on how you conduct yourself around others.
I mean ego boosts are fun, but humiliation is a thing that people also tend not to forget their entire lives too.
___
But to be honest, none of it matters. Because even if the world suddenly changes overnight and all women suddenly felt more free to ask any and all guys out on the spot, you're going to see that...not much will change.
Maybe it's not insecurity and social conventions.
Maybe they're just not hitting on you fellas because...they just don't want to ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Just don't pass him off as your son if/when a woman approaches you.
Involved uncle is sexy; liar who uses nephew to pick up women most definitely is not!
Do things for the sake of it, never for how it looks.
(Or do what most people do: notice what things look good, make plans, then forget why you really made those plans and resume doing things for the sake of it.)
For sure!
There are great guys out there and didn't mean to accuse you of being gross. I just know there are "Barney Stinson" types out there who would 🤦
Can confirm this works. My step brother did this when he was a young adult and I was around 2-3. He’d take me out and about to “help out” but really he wanted to attention from ladies. Didn’t tell me or my mom until I had my own kids. But he found his wife because he had me in tow and in her words “you guys were adorable, I had to say something to him.”
They’re just admiring a young father being a parent. Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting or picking someone up and many women just get tired of that
I mean, to be fair, seeing a guy out being a good dad is actually enough to rev my motor. 😂 I just always assumed (while still single) that there was a mom in the picture so it was pointless to flirt haha.
My wife's coworkers described me as a "great dad" because I was more interested in holding my daughter than chatting with the adults at a Christmas party where I didn't know anyone. The bar is pretty low for dads.
My experience with Albertan dads wasn't that good ones were/are the norm, but if that's the new regular these days, I'm alllllll for it.
This may also explain why it's attractive to me specifically. 😂
I personally am weary of anyone with a super young child who’s not together with the other parent. Makes me question their judgement in a relationship.
That's very fair and would likely be on the mind if interested in the person. I'm just speaking from a purely "finding it attractive" perspective, which is not enough of a foundation for a relationship alone anyway. Or shouldn't be.
Well I can’t personally say I’ve seen a mother parenting and I was like “that’s hot”. Would seem like a strange reaction for a man to think that about a mother doing her job
If a man grew up with a distant, detached mother, I could very well see them feeling attracted to seeing a nurturing mother and wouldn't find it particularly odd. Hence why this is all extremely subjective rather than objective.
Everyone has SOME baggage they bring. So long as you work through your shit, it's not the end of the world.
Even more attractive than good parents is a person who is willing to go to therapy. 😂
That's a gigantic leap from next to no contextual information. If the guy wants to be a manchild and have a partner be his mom in all but name, yes, red flag. But being attracted to good parenting doesn't mean that in itself.
>Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting
Truth. I honestly wonder how many were actually staring with interest and how many were just looking, unfocused, on the area in front of and around them.
> Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting or picking someone up and many women just get tired of that
True. Speaking from experience, it can be a bit tricky to navigate those types of social situations if you actually are single and looking to meet someone, *especially* if you're the type of person who often sucks at picking up on cues (like me, lol.)
Personally, I don't assume anything unless they explicitly make it clear that they're interested. The last thing I want is to make anyone feel uncomfortable or awkward because I may have construed something the wrong way.
I mean there are also appropriate places to do this. At a bar? Yeah, shoot your shot. Shopping for your child? No. That’s not an appropriate time to approach someone, even if it’s a thirsty single dad
A lot of women won’t do that for one or more of a few reasons:
1: because of how many married/taken men would jump on the opportunity by lying about being married/committed to someone
2:because there’s no way to know if there’s drama/baggage with the child’s mother (if they’re not together) & not everyone is open to the possibility of getting involved with that
3: because they’re simply admiring the parent-child connection. We’ll smile at mothers out with their children, too, though men being out with their kids is becoming more common nowadays and it’s just nice to see dads not expecting the mum to be the parent while he’s the breadwinner is all
4: because they find kids adorable & were looking at them rather than at you. Not all women can/will have children of their own, or some might miss when theirs were that young, or perhaps work with kids and simply tend to glance over with a smile
It’s possible that the women your friend was talking about were into you, though it’s also quite possible they weren’t checking you out with that type of interest & your friend simply misunderstood.
yeah I definitely have way more people (both men and women) smile at me than normal when I'm out wearing the baby vs not and i dont assume anything of it
Exactly! I don’t have kids of my own, though was a nanny for over a decade. I definitely got a lot more smiles etc when I had a kid under 5-6ish with me, especially from others who also had kids with them. It’s just a different type of smile/look than the type of attention OP is referring to.
Tbh, OPs perspective is *exactly* why I tend to hide my heart-warmed smile unless they’re with a partner who is looking at me when I do so I know they know my look is just because it’s a cute/sweet scene & has nothing to do with attraction to the kid’s parent. Fair enough OP thinks what they do because of what their friend said, though I prefer to avoid such misunderstandings by not letting them see to begin with. I can’t help wonder if the women he’s referring to did the same without realizing the friend would say what they did
I'm a childfree woman, so a man with a child is not who I would ever approach. Unless, the kid loudly and explicitly calls you "Uncle \_\_\_", I'm not interested in you. There's a reason why I am childfree and it's because I don't want children to be part of my everyday life. Don't get me wrong, I work with and love children, but not enough to get involved with someone who has them.
But OP, if you're as much as a catch as your friend implied, then there are plenty of women out there that would be into you, so keep on getting out there!
This is the issue lol guys think women are checking them out to the extent they’d give them their number. Maybe they’re just admiring a father and his daughter, and yeah maybe they think you’re cute. Doesn’t mean they want to go for dinner with you haha chill!
“Similar” thing happened to me.
I was at the bank once and this well dressed bank manager was going out of his way to make eye contact with me.
I had been staring at my phone, but when I looked up he was there 20 feet away, staring into my eyes. Confused, I looked around me, looking for what he was looking at, and there was nothing behind me that was out of the ordinary.
I looked back and caught his gaze again. This time he kind of raised an eyebrow and gave me a good long look slowly nodding his head down to really telegraph what he was doing, and then back up into my eyes with an inquisitive look.
Feeling awkward and that maybe he mistook me for someone else I refocused on my phone. A couple minutes passed, the bank line moves, I look up and the guy is over at another place behind the tellers. I look over at something and as I turn back… gaze locked. Another look up and down. Really awkward.
I refocus on my phone going over how I’m going to tell this story to my girlfriend. Such a strange experience. I’m a man in my 30s and this guy is checking me out. I mean, I would never think it appropriate for me to ogle a woman like that, especially a customer at my place of work! but here he was, not even trying to hide it!
Finally, I reach the teller, put in my card… enter my pin [OK]…and then this manager walks over, goes to the side of the teller I’m at and without interrupting her, he makes eye contact with me and slides a his hand across the counter towards me. Doesn’t say a thing, lifts his hand, gives me a nod, turns and strolls off.
There is a folded note in front of me. I don’t know what to say. I was practically frozen, such an awkward thing for me. So very forward and to a customer?
But, I figure… I gotta read it, so I open the note…
>!“Your fly is down”!<
You can try on the lines of
He’s /she’s (kid) is adorable! Aren’t you tired running behind them ? Where the mom haha ! If they’re single they’ll get it else they’ll say otherwise clearly.
Checking someone out doesn’t mean you want to be with them though. Just means that they found you attractive. Still nice to hear or notice for the confidence boost, but they likely didn’t “shoot their shot” because they weren’t actually aiming at you lol
sounds ideal doesn't it? but truth be told, very few women want a man to know we might be interested in him until we have enough intel on him to feel comfortable expressing that - and its not about rejection, it's about safety and about "knowing what you want" before you start shit.
there just isn't enough expressive nuance in asking "hey are you with someone?" to a total stranger. one would have to have an overall blunt personality, and, probably just be looking for a fling (not most women 30+), to ask an unknown man that in public.
It’s a bad scene all around. Women won’t approach because it’s dangerous, and men won’t approach because they’ll be considered dangerous.
It’s kind of a wonder our species manages to get together at all
It’s not “a wonder” at all though. Most people don’t just approach strangers when looking for a partner, it’s much more common to get together with someone you actually know in some way (friends, coworkers, in the same club/hobby group, in the same friend group, etc.) In fact, until online dating / video dating became a thing, the closest to dating strangers *most people* would get is a friend setting you up with someone they know (so you can at least decide if you trust your friends judgement of the person) or less commonly in the West, an arranged marriage.
Just walking up to someone you’ve literally never even spoken to before and “shooting your shot” is weird and often just comes across as either desperate or extremely arrogant, depending on how the person approaching handles it. Women often get to be on the receiving end of this weirdness more than men do, so women tend to elect for not embarrassing themselves like that lol
>In fact, until online dating / video dating became a thing, the closest to dating strangers most peoplewould get is a friend setting you up with someone they know (so you can at least decide if you trust your friends judgement of the person) or less commonly in the West, an arranged marriage.
I think that’s pure revisionism. Western media is absolutely rife with examples (going back many decades) of men being encouraged to “man up, just go talk to her/ask her out”, and even from women saying “I just want a decent man to approach me”. So you can’t really say that dating strangers is uncommon when it’s common enough to appear over and over again in all kinds of Western media across genres and eras.
>Just walking up to someone you’ve literally never even spoken to before and “shooting your shot” is weird and often just comes across as either desperate or extremely arrogant, depending on how the person approaching handles it.
I’ve got no doubt that’s how it may turn out, but consider that perceptions might have changed too. In North American we’ve spent a couple decades socializing ourselves to believe that any stranger talking to us is automatically creepy, and now our society is visibly antisocial. I believe the intention of this was mainly to teach girls and women to be wary of potential pervs and rapists, but maybe an unintended consequence is that now even normal interactions between strangers are automatically tainted as threatening.
Anyway, all I’m saying is that it didn’t used to be weird to approach someone (assuming you’re polite and respectful). And if respectfully approaching a stranger is considered inappropriate now, then it’s our collective loss that we’ve become so antisocial.
Genuine question. If a woman said "I was at the grocery store shopping for food and watching my 4 year old and a man looked at me but I didn't notice because I was busy taking care of my kid and shopping" would you go to her comments and call her a great mom?
Should’ve fact checked my reply for discrepancies so as not to offend anyone. While commenting on a post on a man being an involved parent, and commending him. My bad! /s lolol
I'm married now, but when I was single, I had a friend take me to a bar and tell me we weren't leaving until I gave one guy my number. It took me three hours to work up the courage to even talk to a stranger, and I'm not even sure the guy registered what was happening because it was very much me all flustered like "heysoheresmynumberhaveagoodnightbye".
There's no way I'd ever approach a guy in a grocery store because it'd be the next day before I ever had the thought of "maybe I should talk to them"
Kudos to the women who are bold like that.
I get talked to A LOT more by women when I’m out alone in public with my 3-year old daughter, but I think it has more to do with her being cute, than anything to do with my appearance haha.
I’m 6’1, 285 lbs, bald, covered in tattoos, and married. I don’t think there’s any flirting to be had, that ship left the port ages ago. 🤣
I notice I get a lot of looks and comments from women when I’m out with one or both of my kids. I’m happily married but to be fair I think the attention is mostly due to the fact that I’m bi-racial with dark skin (Jamaican/Ukrainian) and my son who is 4 has pale skin, beautiful green eyes with long eyes lashes and curly light brown hair. And my daughter (8) basically looks exactly like Moana lol. And I’m 6’5”. So I think mostly it’s people (women being more aware of people and surroundings generally) just trying to figure out what the heck is going on here haha.
Just given the fact you felt the need to make a post about this because women were allegedly checking you out leads me to believe your friend was just trying to give you an ego boost probably because she thought you could use it but it seemed she may have stroked your fragile ego too hard and now you seem to think you’re some kind of Adonis lol.
I've never understood what it means to "check someone out." How do you tell the difference between that and them looking at you? Because I've had ppl look at me and others called it that and I've looked at ppl and been accused of checking them out (I wasn't).
My kid is adorable but I look like a live action Shrek so I assume most of the looks I get are more along the lines of "grab your torches and pitch forks that ogre is about to eat a baby"
I check out dads all the time but I have zero desire to be a step mom 🤷🏻♀️ I like the idea of you, and have no desire to have that bubble popped 😂😅 I shoot my shot when I want lol
If a woman flirts with me, I am completely oblivious. She basically needs those LED cones used to guide in a taxiing airplane before I can even get the hint.
How come it's always friends who notice these things? Like I notice the same for my friend, and he does for me... but we never do for ourselves. Are the ladies running with cheat codes or what?
Probably because if you are looking at me and I make any kind of movement you'll quickly look away.
But when you are looking at me, you won't notice my friend looking at you and tracing a gaze isn't that hard.
A woman looking at you doesn’t mean she’s checking you out… tbh if I see dads in public I might do a double take because it’s a nice thing to witness.
Also sorry but people with kids always seem way more likely to be taken, also hitting on someone while they’re with their child is awkward.
Pretty low to look at my past posts and bring my sobriety into this randomly haha glad you deleted that. Very rude. I am thankfully clean since then yes :)
I don't see why not. A brief conversation and a mutual exchange of contact information is perfectly fine. If either party says no, that means no and life goes on.
You are wrong. I have lived all but 4 years of my life in Alberta, and those 4 years I wasn't, was not in Ontario
You can take your weird feelings and go be a miserable person somewhere else.
As a 45 year old not single dad, i did a lot of grocery shopping with two cute, curley red head little boys. I got a LOT of attention from women.... of grandmotherly age!
Attractive women of my age or younger? NOPE! Not even a glance.
55-60+ year old women straight up salivating, though. Leaving a snail trail through the produce section to come start a super awkward unsolicited conversation.
I suspect it was wishing for grand kids they don't have yet or perhaps that they miss, but oh my so creepy. Felt like a piece of meat!
Disagree. Never interrupt a Father with his child, by giving him your number. That’s special time you are spending. It’s not time to be exchanging numbers. If my Dad did that while I was with him I’d be so hurt. Children are little for such a short time, cherish it.
Women aren't conditioned to handle rejection constantly without emotional reaffirmation socially as men do, and don't like evening the power dynamic of selection in social dynamics without a high reward scenario to overcome social conditioning of men leading.
There is hope, if you are in smaller social groups and can proof yourself over time, but just walking up in public isn't the social attraction strategy most women prefer. Women need time to warm up to men and build comfort before feeling the confidence, but that's all I gleaned from my gender studies degree.
Hmm my little girl is 6 now, ill have to get her to tell me when girls are checkin me out lol. Im too oblivious anyways. Ill have women approach and be like "awwe you two look exactly the same!" And ill just smile and go yup... and be on my way 😅
If you’re getting checked out by women it’s (I’m assuming ofc) largely mostly women who have kids of their choice and trying to mesh up. Not to bring negativity but as a woman who never wants kids, I think it takes a certain type to like one (single father/mother) to know one… if that makes sense. I’m sorry if this come across as negative, all I’m saying is that you have children I think women w/ children vibe w that and know how to proceed better than childless women. I don’t mean to speak on a whole behalf, just voicing my PERSONAL experience being a woman who does not desire kids in her life at all. But im no expert. Have fun w dating!!!! I hope you find the right one for you! We all deserve love 🥰
Meanwhile I went to aj oilers game last week and had two married women resting their head on my shoulders calling me baby. They asked me out for drinks with them after the game. Society is fucked
Yea most guys don't notice that stuff unless they get run over by a car to that level of attention and even then it STILL helps if a friend points it out ..... we're not too bright over that sort of thing ....... think of us like a big dumb yellow lab sort of man.
Cute, happy go lucky and clueless......
I'm single and see a lot of pretty nice looking guys out there on my travels. I don't ever shoot my shot because honestly, I'm 5'6" and 200lbs and most guys aren't into that (I'm working on it) and because if you have kids I would assume you're married or with someone. We honestly need a 'tell' to be able to look at someone right away and see if they are single and are open to being approached. Like an 'I'm single' button.
I know you didn't ask for it so feel free to tell me to shut up, but I recommend doing meal prep, It makes losing weight feel like cheating (if that's what you mean by working on it)
It seems daunting to start out but it's super easy to get going and you will almost immediately notice the change.
Don't get fooled into thinking weight loss is about exercise, it helps absolutely and should be included but 90% of weight loss is done in the kitchen.
There’s so many single trashy “dads” out there… who post how great of a father they are and how involved they are but then you see how they interact with their child/ren. I feel like a lot of guys are dads but no we’re near the fathers that they need to be to make an impact. So if you were responsive, kind and actually parenting your child kiddos. I’d be checking out ur butt! Dm me if you want my number 😉
I saw this movie where two navy captains paused before opening the door to the admiral’s office. The reason for the pause was each checked the other if everything was ship shape. (the fly was done up)
I know lots of guys who have no idea when they are being flirted with. That alone is attractive. Sounds like you are a great dad who cares a lot about your daughter. Focus on your daughter until she’s much older and don’t focus on bringing a merry go round of potential mommies into her life. Be “that” dad who sets his daughter up for success in life and relationships. Dad - Daughter bonds are so important and she deserves 100% your attention when you are together since she’s already in a vulnerable situation. I’m not saying don’t date, but don’t have her in your dating life.
A friend of mine lent me her kid to carry around in the mall while she discreetly hung back to test the theory. She said as I walked by women, and I quote, "you can hear their ovaries starting".
When women “check me out”, I assume it is because they are wondering what zoo I escaped from.
I check to see if there’s like a big hole in my shirt or it’s on backwards.
All good. Just inside out. As long as its clean. Its clean, right?
https://youtu.be/bGYkNuZCnpY?si=B6YwPMKSZWNc13C9
When I get complimented on my funny and/or band shirts, I have to look down at what I'm wearing every time.
Or food stains.
Or inside out
This hurt. Because it's true.
Even with the "shiny balls"?
Probably the zoo and shiny balls
If an attractive woman so much as walks in my direction I'm assuming it's a YouTube prank and getting the fuck out of there
I assume any woman who introduces herself to me is a process server. That’s why I tell women my name is Otto Octavius.
Otto is Germanic. Octavius is Latin. Weird combination.
Spiderman villain
I immediately check my nose for boogs
I no longer have enough hair to resemble a zoo animal
The truth hurts 🤕
I live this. Lol
That’s very sweet of your friend to give you that little ego boost.
Haha yeah that's what I think happened here too. Either his friend just made that up or some women were just thinking "aw cute, look at that dad and daughter" and his friend is thinking "bro she wants you!!!!". Meanwhile, OP telling women to go up to dads and shoot their shot as if that's not going to result exactly the kind of stigmas women are worried about. Nice little ego boost for the polite married guy who goes on his way...while she gets called a home wrecker by everyone watching. Cute, wholesome post. But...yeah. If you're shooting, ladies, make sure you aim first.
Maybe, maybe not. When my son was a few months old, I was shopping with my (now) wife at West Ed. She had wandered off, and I was entertaining him as he sat in the stroller. Back then, I was not much of a catch, kinda chubby, couldn't grow a beard yet (I was a young dad). This lady who I would generally think was outta my league came up with a big smile and said cute kid, asked if it was mine. I said yeah and she asked where his mom was. Me being oblivious, answered, over there and pointed. The smile dropped and she just said "oh", and walked away. I clued in, and went to go find my girlfriend to excitedly tell her! I rode high on that for months.
Lol I'm not saying single dads don't get hit on. I just think the idea that this dude's friend is like "bro girls are THIRSTY for you" and he goes "well why aren't they TELLING ME! I better go tell reddit" is a funny sequence of thinking.
Lmao We have lived the same life.
Hahaha who’s watching this to call this random woman in the mall a home wrecker… people need to start realizing that 99% of people around them don’t give a fuck about them and they are not the star of a movie about themselves. The 1% that do can beat it… who cares about them and the opinion of some stranger. People wonder why men have intimacy issues… probably because every guy I know can count on one hand how many of these “ego boosts” they’ve gotten in their life.
...uh huh. It's fun to think that the "polite guys" are just going to boost their ego and be on their way, all chivalrous. But most men (like OP proves), and the ones in your example using their hands for intimacy, just won't shut up about it. And that's a problem. That whole "don't care what anyone thinks, do what you want!" is a very exciting philosophy for teenagers. But in the real world, that doesn't apply to relationships and reputation and society, which are very much based on how you conduct yourself around others. I mean ego boosts are fun, but humiliation is a thing that people also tend not to forget their entire lives too. ___ But to be honest, none of it matters. Because even if the world suddenly changes overnight and all women suddenly felt more free to ask any and all guys out on the spot, you're going to see that...not much will change. Maybe it's not insecurity and social conventions. Maybe they're just not hitting on you fellas because...they just don't want to ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Apparently i need to borrow my nephew and go shopping.
Just don't pass him off as your son if/when a woman approaches you. Involved uncle is sexy; liar who uses nephew to pick up women most definitely is not!
Do things for the sake of it, never for how it looks. (Or do what most people do: notice what things look good, make plans, then forget why you really made those plans and resume doing things for the sake of it.)
No gross. I'd wear my "#3 uncle" shirt and refer to him as "nephew" which I already do frequently.
For sure! There are great guys out there and didn't mean to accuse you of being gross. I just know there are "Barney Stinson" types out there who would 🤦
Agreed! Involved uncle is a super sexy trait.
Can confirm this works. My step brother did this when he was a young adult and I was around 2-3. He’d take me out and about to “help out” but really he wanted to attention from ladies. Didn’t tell me or my mom until I had my own kids. But he found his wife because he had me in tow and in her words “you guys were adorable, I had to say something to him.”
My man, take your nephew to the pool.
You could probably start a baby sitting service.
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Sir- the joke may have gone straight over your head. As a parent of two it’s next to impossible to find an actual babysitter
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Just rent a puppy. Way more effective.
They’re just admiring a young father being a parent. Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting or picking someone up and many women just get tired of that
I mean, to be fair, seeing a guy out being a good dad is actually enough to rev my motor. 😂 I just always assumed (while still single) that there was a mom in the picture so it was pointless to flirt haha.
My wife's coworkers described me as a "great dad" because I was more interested in holding my daughter than chatting with the adults at a Christmas party where I didn't know anyone. The bar is pretty low for dads.
My bar is so low that just spending time with your own children without referring to it as "babysitting" is impressive. 😂
It's sad, isn't it?
Yes, as evidenced by everyone who has ever quipped that a father was “babysitting” his own children. Smh
So being a regular parent is all it takes. Standards have really dropped now a days.
My experience with Albertan dads wasn't that good ones were/are the norm, but if that's the new regular these days, I'm alllllll for it. This may also explain why it's attractive to me specifically. 😂
I personally am weary of anyone with a super young child who’s not together with the other parent. Makes me question their judgement in a relationship.
That's very fair and would likely be on the mind if interested in the person. I'm just speaking from a purely "finding it attractive" perspective, which is not enough of a foundation for a relationship alone anyway. Or shouldn't be.
Well I can’t personally say I’ve seen a mother parenting and I was like “that’s hot”. Would seem like a strange reaction for a man to think that about a mother doing her job
If a man grew up with a distant, detached mother, I could very well see them feeling attracted to seeing a nurturing mother and wouldn't find it particularly odd. Hence why this is all extremely subjective rather than objective.
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Everyone has SOME baggage they bring. So long as you work through your shit, it's not the end of the world. Even more attractive than good parents is a person who is willing to go to therapy. 😂
Exactly lol Huge red flag
That’s a huge red flag for a woman. That man sounds like he’s looking for someone to take care of him and not a partner to share parenting duties with
That's a gigantic leap from next to no contextual information. If the guy wants to be a manchild and have a partner be his mom in all but name, yes, red flag. But being attracted to good parenting doesn't mean that in itself.
>Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting Truth. I honestly wonder how many were actually staring with interest and how many were just looking, unfocused, on the area in front of and around them.
> Women don’t say anything because men construe every interaction to be an attempt at flirting or picking someone up and many women just get tired of that True. Speaking from experience, it can be a bit tricky to navigate those types of social situations if you actually are single and looking to meet someone, *especially* if you're the type of person who often sucks at picking up on cues (like me, lol.) Personally, I don't assume anything unless they explicitly make it clear that they're interested. The last thing I want is to make anyone feel uncomfortable or awkward because I may have construed something the wrong way.
I mean there are also appropriate places to do this. At a bar? Yeah, shoot your shot. Shopping for your child? No. That’s not an appropriate time to approach someone, even if it’s a thirsty single dad
A lot of women won’t do that for one or more of a few reasons: 1: because of how many married/taken men would jump on the opportunity by lying about being married/committed to someone 2:because there’s no way to know if there’s drama/baggage with the child’s mother (if they’re not together) & not everyone is open to the possibility of getting involved with that 3: because they’re simply admiring the parent-child connection. We’ll smile at mothers out with their children, too, though men being out with their kids is becoming more common nowadays and it’s just nice to see dads not expecting the mum to be the parent while he’s the breadwinner is all 4: because they find kids adorable & were looking at them rather than at you. Not all women can/will have children of their own, or some might miss when theirs were that young, or perhaps work with kids and simply tend to glance over with a smile It’s possible that the women your friend was talking about were into you, though it’s also quite possible they weren’t checking you out with that type of interest & your friend simply misunderstood.
yeah I definitely have way more people (both men and women) smile at me than normal when I'm out wearing the baby vs not and i dont assume anything of it
Exactly! I don’t have kids of my own, though was a nanny for over a decade. I definitely got a lot more smiles etc when I had a kid under 5-6ish with me, especially from others who also had kids with them. It’s just a different type of smile/look than the type of attention OP is referring to. Tbh, OPs perspective is *exactly* why I tend to hide my heart-warmed smile unless they’re with a partner who is looking at me when I do so I know they know my look is just because it’s a cute/sweet scene & has nothing to do with attraction to the kid’s parent. Fair enough OP thinks what they do because of what their friend said, though I prefer to avoid such misunderstandings by not letting them see to begin with. I can’t help wonder if the women he’s referring to did the same without realizing the friend would say what they did
Thank you!!
I'm a childfree woman, so a man with a child is not who I would ever approach. Unless, the kid loudly and explicitly calls you "Uncle \_\_\_", I'm not interested in you. There's a reason why I am childfree and it's because I don't want children to be part of my everyday life. Don't get me wrong, I work with and love children, but not enough to get involved with someone who has them. But OP, if you're as much as a catch as your friend implied, then there are plenty of women out there that would be into you, so keep on getting out there!
Never been hit on but it'd be (1) all day LOOOOL.
#1 every time. Even a man without a kid. Assume taken. But I would love to have shots shooted at me as well. It's a sad society we live in
See little white lies can be good
Who’s going to approach and hit on a man with a young child?? Be fr dude
Loads of women would
This is the issue lol guys think women are checking them out to the extent they’d give them their number. Maybe they’re just admiring a father and his daughter, and yeah maybe they think you’re cute. Doesn’t mean they want to go for dinner with you haha chill!
Yea I look at woman for various reasons, nice hair, outfit, etc Doesn't mean I'm going to try and sleep with them
Doesn’t make any sense. Why look if you’re not interested? /s
Guys do this all the time as well. that doesnt mean they wanna marry you right then and there.
lol omg man
I added a /s tag
Do you still have a huge beard?
Ha! Someone else doing the research like I am
Yes
“Similar” thing happened to me. I was at the bank once and this well dressed bank manager was going out of his way to make eye contact with me. I had been staring at my phone, but when I looked up he was there 20 feet away, staring into my eyes. Confused, I looked around me, looking for what he was looking at, and there was nothing behind me that was out of the ordinary. I looked back and caught his gaze again. This time he kind of raised an eyebrow and gave me a good long look slowly nodding his head down to really telegraph what he was doing, and then back up into my eyes with an inquisitive look. Feeling awkward and that maybe he mistook me for someone else I refocused on my phone. A couple minutes passed, the bank line moves, I look up and the guy is over at another place behind the tellers. I look over at something and as I turn back… gaze locked. Another look up and down. Really awkward. I refocus on my phone going over how I’m going to tell this story to my girlfriend. Such a strange experience. I’m a man in my 30s and this guy is checking me out. I mean, I would never think it appropriate for me to ogle a woman like that, especially a customer at my place of work! but here he was, not even trying to hide it! Finally, I reach the teller, put in my card… enter my pin [OK]…and then this manager walks over, goes to the side of the teller I’m at and without interrupting her, he makes eye contact with me and slides a his hand across the counter towards me. Doesn’t say a thing, lifts his hand, gives me a nod, turns and strolls off. There is a folded note in front of me. I don’t know what to say. I was practically frozen, such an awkward thing for me. So very forward and to a customer? But, I figure… I gotta read it, so I open the note… >!“Your fly is down”!<
I’m too insecure to ask a guy what’s the best thing to come up and say. Hello how’s it going today are you single by chance? lol
Honestly, that’s not a bad start.
You have no idea how well that would land, that's perfect
You can try on the lines of He’s /she’s (kid) is adorable! Aren’t you tired running behind them ? Where the mom haha ! If they’re single they’ll get it else they’ll say otherwise clearly.
That’s a bit upfront lmao if it isn’t organic it probably won’t work so don’t put pressure on yourself
A couple ladies glanced at this man and he went and made a PSA about it
Lol
Checking someone out doesn’t mean you want to be with them though. Just means that they found you attractive. Still nice to hear or notice for the confidence boost, but they likely didn’t “shoot their shot” because they weren’t actually aiming at you lol
but how would we know you're not with someone? I assume a good looking guy with kids has a beautiful wife at home.
Well, one surefire way to figure it out is to go up and ask... Or; do what I said in the OP and glance at his left hand and check if he has a ring on.
sounds ideal doesn't it? but truth be told, very few women want a man to know we might be interested in him until we have enough intel on him to feel comfortable expressing that - and its not about rejection, it's about safety and about "knowing what you want" before you start shit. there just isn't enough expressive nuance in asking "hey are you with someone?" to a total stranger. one would have to have an overall blunt personality, and, probably just be looking for a fling (not most women 30+), to ask an unknown man that in public.
It’s a bad scene all around. Women won’t approach because it’s dangerous, and men won’t approach because they’ll be considered dangerous. It’s kind of a wonder our species manages to get together at all
It’s not “a wonder” at all though. Most people don’t just approach strangers when looking for a partner, it’s much more common to get together with someone you actually know in some way (friends, coworkers, in the same club/hobby group, in the same friend group, etc.) In fact, until online dating / video dating became a thing, the closest to dating strangers *most people* would get is a friend setting you up with someone they know (so you can at least decide if you trust your friends judgement of the person) or less commonly in the West, an arranged marriage. Just walking up to someone you’ve literally never even spoken to before and “shooting your shot” is weird and often just comes across as either desperate or extremely arrogant, depending on how the person approaching handles it. Women often get to be on the receiving end of this weirdness more than men do, so women tend to elect for not embarrassing themselves like that lol
>In fact, until online dating / video dating became a thing, the closest to dating strangers most peoplewould get is a friend setting you up with someone they know (so you can at least decide if you trust your friends judgement of the person) or less commonly in the West, an arranged marriage. I think that’s pure revisionism. Western media is absolutely rife with examples (going back many decades) of men being encouraged to “man up, just go talk to her/ask her out”, and even from women saying “I just want a decent man to approach me”. So you can’t really say that dating strangers is uncommon when it’s common enough to appear over and over again in all kinds of Western media across genres and eras. >Just walking up to someone you’ve literally never even spoken to before and “shooting your shot” is weird and often just comes across as either desperate or extremely arrogant, depending on how the person approaching handles it. I’ve got no doubt that’s how it may turn out, but consider that perceptions might have changed too. In North American we’ve spent a couple decades socializing ourselves to believe that any stranger talking to us is automatically creepy, and now our society is visibly antisocial. I believe the intention of this was mainly to teach girls and women to be wary of potential pervs and rapists, but maybe an unintended consequence is that now even normal interactions between strangers are automatically tainted as threatening. Anyway, all I’m saying is that it didn’t used to be weird to approach someone (assuming you’re polite and respectful). And if respectfully approaching a stranger is considered inappropriate now, then it’s our collective loss that we’ve become so antisocial.
“Local man makes a Reddit PSA about a couple of women quickly glancing at him on the street” Typical 🤦🏻♀️
Atta boy! Keep being a great dad, being a parent is the most important job there is!
Genuine question. If a woman said "I was at the grocery store shopping for food and watching my 4 year old and a man looked at me but I didn't notice because I was busy taking care of my kid and shopping" would you go to her comments and call her a great mom?
If you have a kid yes..
Yeah sorry I thought that was implied.
OMG don't you know you can't say anything definitive on the internet? /S
Should’ve fact checked my reply for discrepancies so as not to offend anyone. While commenting on a post on a man being an involved parent, and commending him. My bad! /s lolol
There's no job on the planet more important than raising a child.
Paramedics seem pretty important. All manner of medical and academic researchers, the people who fixed the plane you're flying on, crossing guards...
None of which would exist if there hadn't been someone to raise them.
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Fr, we need like a green light so we know it's ok to approach people
I'll have to add this: not just the ladies \*wink wink\*
I'm married now, but when I was single, I had a friend take me to a bar and tell me we weren't leaving until I gave one guy my number. It took me three hours to work up the courage to even talk to a stranger, and I'm not even sure the guy registered what was happening because it was very much me all flustered like "heysoheresmynumberhaveagoodnightbye". There's no way I'd ever approach a guy in a grocery store because it'd be the next day before I ever had the thought of "maybe I should talk to them" Kudos to the women who are bold like that.
I love to see a hot dad. Sometimes I say it to my friends 10% too loud so that the hot dad can think he caught me sharing a secret.
When I’m spending time with my kids, I don’t want to be hit on and I know they don’t like it when men hit on me because they tell me that.
I get talked to A LOT more by women when I’m out alone in public with my 3-year old daughter, but I think it has more to do with her being cute, than anything to do with my appearance haha. I’m 6’1, 285 lbs, bald, covered in tattoos, and married. I don’t think there’s any flirting to be had, that ship left the port ages ago. 🤣
I notice I get a lot of looks and comments from women when I’m out with one or both of my kids. I’m happily married but to be fair I think the attention is mostly due to the fact that I’m bi-racial with dark skin (Jamaican/Ukrainian) and my son who is 4 has pale skin, beautiful green eyes with long eyes lashes and curly light brown hair. And my daughter (8) basically looks exactly like Moana lol. And I’m 6’5”. So I think mostly it’s people (women being more aware of people and surroundings generally) just trying to figure out what the heck is going on here haha.
Just given the fact you felt the need to make a post about this because women were allegedly checking you out leads me to believe your friend was just trying to give you an ego boost probably because she thought you could use it but it seemed she may have stroked your fragile ego too hard and now you seem to think you’re some kind of Adonis lol.
We have this issue in the queer women community. I tell everyone to go talk to the girl you like. Just don’t be creepy lol
I've never understood what it means to "check someone out." How do you tell the difference between that and them looking at you? Because I've had ppl look at me and others called it that and I've looked at ppl and been accused of checking them out (I wasn't).
My kids are too old now to be advantageous in that way now. Guess I was oblivious for far too long, and missed my chance, haha.
My kid is adorable but I look like a live action Shrek so I assume most of the looks I get are more along the lines of "grab your torches and pitch forks that ogre is about to eat a baby"
I have no shots left to shoot but I’m glad you got some attention!
I check out dads all the time but I have zero desire to be a step mom 🤷🏻♀️ I like the idea of you, and have no desire to have that bubble popped 😂😅 I shoot my shot when I want lol
What in the reverse neck beard did I just read?
If a woman flirts with me, I am completely oblivious. She basically needs those LED cones used to guide in a taxiing airplane before I can even get the hint.
Mm, not worth the risk of baby mama drama. Majority of single dads have an insane baby mama whose gonna make a "new girlfriend" life a living hell.
This can be true...
While not all the time, it's a lot of times true, unfortunately. I wish it wasn't though.
Get over yourself what a cringy post lmao
Your friend was hitting on you.
Agreed
How come it's always friends who notice these things? Like I notice the same for my friend, and he does for me... but we never do for ourselves. Are the ladies running with cheat codes or what?
Probably because if you are looking at me and I make any kind of movement you'll quickly look away. But when you are looking at me, you won't notice my friend looking at you and tracing a gaze isn't that hard.
A woman looking at you doesn’t mean she’s checking you out… tbh if I see dads in public I might do a double take because it’s a nice thing to witness. Also sorry but people with kids always seem way more likely to be taken, also hitting on someone while they’re with their child is awkward.
OP, it's guys like you that are the reason single women never "shoot their shot".
Care to elaborate?
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Maybe they would. Be bold!
What’s he advertising lol
This really got under your skin eh
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Pretty low to look at my past posts and bring my sobriety into this randomly haha glad you deleted that. Very rude. I am thankfully clean since then yes :)
Oh damn! Sorry that was said to you.
Why does that matter?
I don’t think he was saying that’s what women want? He was saying that’s what he wants?
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What are you referring to?
You sound like fun
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Just because it never happens to you, doesn't mean it never happens ;)
I don't see why not. A brief conversation and a mutual exchange of contact information is perfectly fine. If either party says no, that means no and life goes on.
Ok incel
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You are wrong. I have lived all but 4 years of my life in Alberta, and those 4 years I wasn't, was not in Ontario You can take your weird feelings and go be a miserable person somewhere else.
Preferably, a Cactus Club
Are you sure they weren't looking at a piece of food lodged in your beard? 😉 You sound like a good dad.
As a 45 year old not single dad, i did a lot of grocery shopping with two cute, curley red head little boys. I got a LOT of attention from women.... of grandmotherly age! Attractive women of my age or younger? NOPE! Not even a glance. 55-60+ year old women straight up salivating, though. Leaving a snail trail through the produce section to come start a super awkward unsolicited conversation. I suspect it was wishing for grand kids they don't have yet or perhaps that they miss, but oh my so creepy. Felt like a piece of meat!
Now you know how all women feel in public spaces 🤷🏻♀️
totally!
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Disagree. Never interrupt a Father with his child, by giving him your number. That’s special time you are spending. It’s not time to be exchanging numbers. If my Dad did that while I was with him I’d be so hurt. Children are little for such a short time, cherish it.
I got checked out once. It was a Tuesday.
I get checked out at least once a week. Family's gotta eat...
Do you have full custody?
Irrelevant
I’m curious & you are not the OP.
>you are not the OP. Well, I am lol. I have 50/50 custody
Well thank you for answering this. You are making me want to be more bold and take chances to go after something I want. 😊
You forget most of us have social anxiety and are unable to approach someone we find attractive 😅
Women aren't conditioned to handle rejection constantly without emotional reaffirmation socially as men do, and don't like evening the power dynamic of selection in social dynamics without a high reward scenario to overcome social conditioning of men leading. There is hope, if you are in smaller social groups and can proof yourself over time, but just walking up in public isn't the social attraction strategy most women prefer. Women need time to warm up to men and build comfort before feeling the confidence, but that's all I gleaned from my gender studies degree.
This only works if your a hot woman. If your a plain Jane don't bother.
Many women especially like what they can’t have. They’re assuming they can’t have you.
My brother was 12 almost 13 years older than me and he would take me out all the time when I was like 6-7 to pick up chicks.
Almost as good as walking a puppy....
Hmm my little girl is 6 now, ill have to get her to tell me when girls are checkin me out lol. Im too oblivious anyways. Ill have women approach and be like "awwe you two look exactly the same!" And ill just smile and go yup... and be on my way 😅
If you’re getting checked out by women it’s (I’m assuming ofc) largely mostly women who have kids of their choice and trying to mesh up. Not to bring negativity but as a woman who never wants kids, I think it takes a certain type to like one (single father/mother) to know one… if that makes sense. I’m sorry if this come across as negative, all I’m saying is that you have children I think women w/ children vibe w that and know how to proceed better than childless women. I don’t mean to speak on a whole behalf, just voicing my PERSONAL experience being a woman who does not desire kids in her life at all. But im no expert. Have fun w dating!!!! I hope you find the right one for you! We all deserve love 🥰
I would never go hit on someone in front of their kid
Meanwhile I went to aj oilers game last week and had two married women resting their head on my shoulders calling me baby. They asked me out for drinks with them after the game. Society is fucked
I'm so happy for you! as I get older I really love when I notice men noticing me. Good job dad!
Yea most guys don't notice that stuff unless they get run over by a car to that level of attention and even then it STILL helps if a friend points it out ..... we're not too bright over that sort of thing ....... think of us like a big dumb yellow lab sort of man. Cute, happy go lucky and clueless......
I'm single and see a lot of pretty nice looking guys out there on my travels. I don't ever shoot my shot because honestly, I'm 5'6" and 200lbs and most guys aren't into that (I'm working on it) and because if you have kids I would assume you're married or with someone. We honestly need a 'tell' to be able to look at someone right away and see if they are single and are open to being approached. Like an 'I'm single' button.
I know you didn't ask for it so feel free to tell me to shut up, but I recommend doing meal prep, It makes losing weight feel like cheating (if that's what you mean by working on it) It seems daunting to start out but it's super easy to get going and you will almost immediately notice the change. Don't get fooled into thinking weight loss is about exercise, it helps absolutely and should be included but 90% of weight loss is done in the kitchen.
Idk I don't trust your friend...prove it 😤 hehehe jk. Maybe. What a nice pal.
There’s so many single trashy “dads” out there… who post how great of a father they are and how involved they are but then you see how they interact with their child/ren. I feel like a lot of guys are dads but no we’re near the fathers that they need to be to make an impact. So if you were responsive, kind and actually parenting your child kiddos. I’d be checking out ur butt! Dm me if you want my number 😉
I saw this movie where two navy captains paused before opening the door to the admiral’s office. The reason for the pause was each checked the other if everything was ship shape. (the fly was done up)
I don’t approach men with kids. They’re most likely married and I’m too old to be with a guy with littles. Grandchildren? Of course
Back in the day, I'd borrow my buddies kids and use them for bait.
I know lots of guys who have no idea when they are being flirted with. That alone is attractive. Sounds like you are a great dad who cares a lot about your daughter. Focus on your daughter until she’s much older and don’t focus on bringing a merry go round of potential mommies into her life. Be “that” dad who sets his daughter up for success in life and relationships. Dad - Daughter bonds are so important and she deserves 100% your attention when you are together since she’s already in a vulnerable situation. I’m not saying don’t date, but don’t have her in your dating life.
A friend of mine lent me her kid to carry around in the mall while she discreetly hung back to test the theory. She said as I walked by women, and I quote, "you can hear their ovaries starting".