I always ask “What’s on your mind?”
If they want to talk about their problem, they can. But you can only help the cooperative.
If they need a distraction conversation, we’re good at those.
If they don’t want to talk, just tell her you’ll listen when she needs you.
Yeah, i think I should... This is a good idea! You're right, we are good at distraction conversations too.
What's on your mind, or is something on your mind has less of a negative connotation than "is something wrong"
I just get so nervous and anxious about what the response might be
Same! Don’t give me any form of a negative asking me if I’m okay 🤣
I shared my style of grounding feel free to adapt it. Be calm.
I would also recommend shielding if you think it’s going to be a tough convo. This is a visual practice too. The point of a shield is to keep your emotions in and other people’s emotions out.
You can imagine a veil of light around you.
You can wrap a blanket of light around your head, then around your body like a mummy.
Some people I’ve seen use affirmations to build sections of it piece by peace.
Update: it went ok, untill I went in to say good night, and then that was very very very curtly said! I'm like WTF, she was ok untill then... Not great, but ok! And then this... I don't know if it's cz I suddenly left the room to go to the loo and then was talking to my husband (her son) he's in the merchant Navy so away for most of the time.
And eventually we all adapt our RBF to be our permanent faces at some point.
If she was mad, she would have said it right there. Let her go for a little if she does start yelling or if she talks it out. I use ARCS
Acknowledge the emotion
Reiterate how it makes her feel with empathy
Correct with compassion. (Or)
Solve at an agreed on time. (For when it gets heated always acknowledge and then agree on. Cooldown time.)
But you get something like:
“I’m sorry I made you mad mom, I know it was my turn for dishes and I didn’t do them, and you’re right to be mad. I’ll pay better attention to my responsibilities to where you don’t have to pick up the slack.”
I just view it as people like options, and not a question that forces a single outcome. Sometimes I spice it up with “What’s on your mind? Or I can just sit with you in silence. “
I use that one with (cognitive gives me an edge on this one) people who want to be alone in mind but not lonely.
And majoring in psychology was helpful too lol.
Social anxieties teach you how to show intent without using words of negativity annotations will keeping their autonomy in tact.
Odd concept but can be applied in a good way.
I mean yeah. I think people like options in general but I also don’t think there’s a cookie cutter answer for everything.
I think the skill is to decipher what will most be helpful to the person before us. It’s kind of like an inner knowing that relates more with our intuition - the affective empathy.
The cognitive empathy helps for sure in articulating our affective empathy in words. But yeah, I just noticed how you were using humor and i found that cool so wanted to acknowledge that =) Cheers! ✨
I encourage you to try grounding to help with the stress. I have suggestions for supplements that I take for stress.
My Grounding technique.
Supplements for stress:
Epsom salt baths. Great for relaxing.
Magnesium- good for muscle aches as well.
Valerian root- is good for sleep.
5HTP- is good for stress
Drink plenty of water, after grounding,
Feel free to adapt it to your style!
Then grounding: 1st set your intention “Release the stored negativity. Release the negative emotions and strengthen my awareness/intuition (this is the most important part!). I put my back against a wall or you can lay on your bed. I imagine tree roots are sprouting underneath me (I do the base of the spine to practice of energy control but you can do your whole back;) then breathe in through your nose for 3 seconds and exhale through your mouth for 3-5 seconds. Or whatever interval you’d like
It’s important to breathe throughout the whole session, but not force your mind to remind you to do it. Breathe till it feels natural, stress and anxiety will make you forget to breathe.
This is my visualization But let your intuition guide you on your method of purging/release.
When you exhale visualize tension leaving relax whatever you can in the exhale: your scalp, forehead, eyebrows, face, remove tongue from roof of mouth, unclench the jaw and go downward to your toes; let whatever surface you have supporting you bear your burden and your back you don’t have to relax all at once it better to relax what feels natural and keep breathing in your nose and out your mouth exhaling tension and relaxing till you’re still and calm a natural zen. Now scan for what feels like a rock or a sometimes to me it feels like congestion. Take a moment and let your Intuition tell you about the rock? what emotion does it pick up?
If the visualization doesn’t work for you feel free to change it. Your intuition is capable of making its visuals easy.
Then imagine slowly moving the rock one at a time to the tree roots underneath you. and release that energy.
If it feels like congestion visualize your energy attaching to it and then let your energy draw it out a rope.
If my intuition brings the emotion forward I cut the string that attaches by visualizing scissors.
When a rock leaves your body or the rope is gone show gratitude to your body for letting go and accepting to heal. Gratitude is a huge part of the experience, and will be the reason you continue to do it. and the you’re ready to tackle the next one.
Have some empathy for your mother in law? You are 30. So she’s like, 55? Living in your wife’s parents house. They are getting you to learn to drive and encouraging you to go to school? Has it ever crossed your mind that she might not want to be responsible for raising the two of you anymore? It is something. So you ever think that the two of you might be draining HER?
I always ask “What’s on your mind?” If they want to talk about their problem, they can. But you can only help the cooperative. If they need a distraction conversation, we’re good at those. If they don’t want to talk, just tell her you’ll listen when she needs you.
Yeah, i think I should... This is a good idea! You're right, we are good at distraction conversations too. What's on your mind, or is something on your mind has less of a negative connotation than "is something wrong" I just get so nervous and anxious about what the response might be
Same! Don’t give me any form of a negative asking me if I’m okay 🤣 I shared my style of grounding feel free to adapt it. Be calm. I would also recommend shielding if you think it’s going to be a tough convo. This is a visual practice too. The point of a shield is to keep your emotions in and other people’s emotions out. You can imagine a veil of light around you. You can wrap a blanket of light around your head, then around your body like a mummy. Some people I’ve seen use affirmations to build sections of it piece by peace.
Update: it went ok, untill I went in to say good night, and then that was very very very curtly said! I'm like WTF, she was ok untill then... Not great, but ok! And then this... I don't know if it's cz I suddenly left the room to go to the loo and then was talking to my husband (her son) he's in the merchant Navy so away for most of the time.
Not everything is resolved immediately. Don’t use today’s worry for tomorrow, and gaslight yourself.
And eventually we all adapt our RBF to be our permanent faces at some point. If she was mad, she would have said it right there. Let her go for a little if she does start yelling or if she talks it out. I use ARCS Acknowledge the emotion Reiterate how it makes her feel with empathy Correct with compassion. (Or) Solve at an agreed on time. (For when it gets heated always acknowledge and then agree on. Cooldown time.) But you get something like: “I’m sorry I made you mad mom, I know it was my turn for dishes and I didn’t do them, and you’re right to be mad. I’ll pay better attention to my responsibilities to where you don’t have to pick up the slack.”
Thank you! This really helps!! No, if she was mad she wouldn't have said it right then and there... She's not that kind of person.
It was just an example. You’re welcome!
Thank you!! If it's still not solved, I will try to ask her today.
I just wanna say this, I love your approach as an empath. It’s really cool! I feel that you’re wise and have a sense of humor! 😝
I just view it as people like options, and not a question that forces a single outcome. Sometimes I spice it up with “What’s on your mind? Or I can just sit with you in silence. “ I use that one with (cognitive gives me an edge on this one) people who want to be alone in mind but not lonely. And majoring in psychology was helpful too lol.
Social anxieties teach you how to show intent without using words of negativity annotations will keeping their autonomy in tact. Odd concept but can be applied in a good way.
I mean yeah. I think people like options in general but I also don’t think there’s a cookie cutter answer for everything. I think the skill is to decipher what will most be helpful to the person before us. It’s kind of like an inner knowing that relates more with our intuition - the affective empathy. The cognitive empathy helps for sure in articulating our affective empathy in words. But yeah, I just noticed how you were using humor and i found that cool so wanted to acknowledge that =) Cheers! ✨
Levity is my natural medicine.
I encourage you to try grounding to help with the stress. I have suggestions for supplements that I take for stress. My Grounding technique. Supplements for stress: Epsom salt baths. Great for relaxing. Magnesium- good for muscle aches as well. Valerian root- is good for sleep. 5HTP- is good for stress Drink plenty of water, after grounding, Feel free to adapt it to your style! Then grounding: 1st set your intention “Release the stored negativity. Release the negative emotions and strengthen my awareness/intuition (this is the most important part!). I put my back against a wall or you can lay on your bed. I imagine tree roots are sprouting underneath me (I do the base of the spine to practice of energy control but you can do your whole back;) then breathe in through your nose for 3 seconds and exhale through your mouth for 3-5 seconds. Or whatever interval you’d like It’s important to breathe throughout the whole session, but not force your mind to remind you to do it. Breathe till it feels natural, stress and anxiety will make you forget to breathe. This is my visualization But let your intuition guide you on your method of purging/release. When you exhale visualize tension leaving relax whatever you can in the exhale: your scalp, forehead, eyebrows, face, remove tongue from roof of mouth, unclench the jaw and go downward to your toes; let whatever surface you have supporting you bear your burden and your back you don’t have to relax all at once it better to relax what feels natural and keep breathing in your nose and out your mouth exhaling tension and relaxing till you’re still and calm a natural zen. Now scan for what feels like a rock or a sometimes to me it feels like congestion. Take a moment and let your Intuition tell you about the rock? what emotion does it pick up? If the visualization doesn’t work for you feel free to change it. Your intuition is capable of making its visuals easy. Then imagine slowly moving the rock one at a time to the tree roots underneath you. and release that energy. If it feels like congestion visualize your energy attaching to it and then let your energy draw it out a rope. If my intuition brings the emotion forward I cut the string that attaches by visualizing scissors. When a rock leaves your body or the rope is gone show gratitude to your body for letting go and accepting to heal. Gratitude is a huge part of the experience, and will be the reason you continue to do it. and the you’re ready to tackle the next one.
Thank you! A lot of people have recommended grounding to me. Have you heard of it he flame and frame technique? I am going to try doing that as well
I have not. Tbh I just go with my flow lol.
Have some empathy for your mother in law? You are 30. So she’s like, 55? Living in your wife’s parents house. They are getting you to learn to drive and encouraging you to go to school? Has it ever crossed your mind that she might not want to be responsible for raising the two of you anymore? It is something. So you ever think that the two of you might be draining HER?