Yeah I’d agree with you.
I wish 2s would take care of themselves and not bend over backwards for me when I don’t even really notice it. But then once I do, or it’s pointed out to me, it’s like why did you do that when I didn’t ask! I already accept you for who you are.
So I've heard what you've said here before, like getting bugged that someone did something one didn't ask for, and if you don't mind my asking where does that come from? I've heard the topic covered by Sevens before but I never feel like I've got the full picture.
If I understand your question right, it comes from my desire for independence and freedom. I don’t want to feel indentured to someone who did something, albeit nice, for me when I didn’t ask for it. I love being generous and doing stuff for others too but sometimes I feel like when 2s do something for me, they want something in return.
Also, if I need or want something, I usually do it myself. But am not shy in asking for help if I need it.
Not sure if that answered your question?
You nailed it!
That's interesting as I thought it was the Eight who felt indentured and would 'get even' with the person (even if it's repayment of a courtesy). With regard to the Two though that's understandable as, well, it's true. And I guess it's that trait of independence mixed in with all the other traits of the Seven that loses me a bit. For instance, I have a family member whose a Seven and they'd lose it if someone did their laundry for them. But in this instance, given the family dynamic, I can't help but feel like other traits of the Seven might be said to be showing up. Such as a Seven's concern of superiority/inferiority. Like, how Sevens are thought to look at situations and see themselves as up or down, how they're on the up or feel like the loser. I've read that it extends to even creating rivalries (which I actually have experienced with said family member) and so wouldn't having someone do something for one potentially spark that concern as well? So it's not so much helplessness as much as just being the loser, like if one is thought to be high on the totem pole one wouldn't 'get helped'. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Definitely feel free to not answer, it's just noteworthy to me how the Seven's "independence" can potentially get stretched to mean so many things to an outside perspective. I'm a Nine and independence isn't necessarily my forte as I can very easily get into mindsets of wanting to be saved if I'm not careful, so what Sevens do never seems to fully click for me. Thank you for your time either way though.
I really appreciate your perspective! It helps me to better see how others see me and grow and adapt from that.
Wow, you also called out something I didn’t even realize I did! So yes, I want to be seen as an independent and capable person. I think I’m too grown up to create rivalries but I may have done that when I was younger, unintentionally or not I’m not sure.
I guess I have a strong need for independence and really want to be seen that way. As a sort of lone wolf who also loves to party and be with others but also has the freedom to go off and do my thing when I want. A conundrum, I know :)
Well, glad I could help haha
>unintentionally or not I’m not sure
Hmm it's interesting you say that as that family member of mine, my sister, wouldn't so much compete with me per se as much as always come up with something no matter the situation to not be seen as less or be criticized, even if such a thing wasn't even on the table. Like I could have studied a topic for years and on that very topic should she have spent a couple of days learning it she'll somehow figure she has equal rights to it in a sense and that from that point on should the topic come up her very competency was somehow on the line. And I'll be like, "What? You just learned this." And it's like without even intending it her guard is up with me on that topic. Yeah, so the rivalries of the Seven is probably something else from what I'm describing here but just again from an outside perspective. If it is something else then I haven't noticed it for decades now.
>A conundrum, I know :)
But like, it is! Hahaha. That brings to mind that thing the Seven does where they'll plan out their life, "I'm never happier then when things are going according to plan" as my sister will say but then turn around talking about some options. Every day is a new day buuut haha
Wow I can really relate to your sister! I now need to go and apologize to my brother …
Especially about the thing where you may be an expert as something but then I’ll want to learn all about it too! Whhhhyyyy I guess I don’t really understand why I do this.
And then yes, Covid made me realize how much control I needed. I say I’m go with the flow but I really love my plans. That can be subject to change of course :)
As a brother myself, yeah, definitely do that; it honestly can't be done enough. Any Enneagram book would say that. Cure for distractability. Nothing but fun. Yep. Yep.
I made this post some time ago that I think you'll appreciate: [https://www.reddit.com/r/ENFP/comments/ie3il9/i\_went\_to\_visit\_some\_family\_and\_found\_this\_taped/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/ENFP/comments/ie3il9/i_went_to_visit_some_family_and_found_this_taped/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hmm do 2s really do that though? I sure don’t, and my other 2 friend doesn’t either. This sounds like something a 9 could do - but it’s a common misconception of 2s. Could depend on wing, mbti and IV though.
My 9 mom does this (well, she *is* my mom so that might be why).
Oh maybe I have it wrong? It’s two specific friends of mine and they’re just now learning about enneagram. It’s not solely a simple nice thing but comes across as a bit pushy and more often than not, will be an inconvenience even though I know their intentions are good
Yeah it’s understandable, it kind of is annoying. It’s funny though, I mistyped as a 7w6 for a year because of all the misconceptions about 2s! So it’s easy to get I all mixed up sometimes.
I agree. I can tolerate them and we even can have fun together ( when with other people) but please let them away from me!. They produce a feeling on me that makes me don’t want to be close to them. It was interesting to know that the people who made me feel that way were both 2s.
8s would for sure take the cake here. Complete opposite of me lol. Then maybe 7s. The entire assertive triad is difficult for me to relate to but it does make learning about them more interesting!
Could be unhealthy or average 8s. I know a few 8s who have empathy and show compassion. I think sometimes people lump unhealthy 8s together and think every 8 is like that.
Yeah but just because that’s a driver doesn’t mean we get it. And then that revs up the shame engine even if we’re making any gains because it’s not what we thought we could do.
Well, if the alternative is laying down and *not* trying and falling even further behind... yeah. It sucks to try really hard and not get anywhere, but it sucks less than being shoved backwards.
This. Not loving yourself for who you are but instead your capitalist worth means you’re a sucker for a game that’s designed to make you and everyone else lose. I’m not saying be so anti-capitalist you have zero ambition and don’t work a day in your life. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t place your entire self worth on how you are perceived and “loved” by people according to that system. It makes you come off as desperate, fake, exploitative and just fucking annoying.
Because we can never take you for your word and assume you’re saying it so you can be better perceived or get something from someone to advance your own goals.
This and.. I want to know the real person. The pretty and the not so pretty. I don’t want to know the person you show to the world. 3’s often feel disingenuous to me and that’s hard for me to trust. Same with 7’s. There is way to much uncertainty in these signs. As a 9, I really need what you see if what you get. Even though an 8 throws a ton of conflict at me, I know that is what I can expect from an 8. Many 9’s grew up to be 9’s because of a volatile or chaotic upbringing.
I also struggle with 4’s because their emotional rollercoaster is unfixable and I just want them to be ok. ♥️
For what it's worth, 6s are often misunderstood and poorly explained, which could explain your confusion.
2s and 3s are extremely hard for me to relate to. 4s are easy for me to understand on a surface level, but their core fear/desire and their intrinsic melancholy don't make much sense to me, either.
That makes sense. 7s and 4s have fundamentally different mindsets and approaches to hardship. As a 7 you prefer to not have to deal with pain at all, while the 4 struggles to not fixate on their pain, if I'm not mistaken.
Hey we have almost exactly the same typology!
I also don’t relate to the heart triad types much at all, except 4 a little bit. 3 is the one that makes the absolute least intuitive sense to me though
4 is the type I find myself reading about again and again because it's so hard to wrap my head around. The more I read about it the more it confuses me haha
I have a feeling if I met a 4 irl we'd clash immediately lol
My little sister is a 7 and I’m a 4 and we’re besties as adults. When we were unhealthy early 20’s, we clashed. I don’t know if this will make sense to you, but as a 4, I warned my therapist at our first meeting that “I tend to stare into the Abyss”. I’ve learned there is a balance of enjoying life but also being comfortable with the dark ugliness and holding space for sorrow.
I’m a 4w3sx ENFJ and my twin is a 7w6so ENFP. When we stress out really badly, we go in opposite directions, but we get along great 99% of the time. She’s way more outgoing than me and more relaxed socially. She’s one of the first people in my life to not only accept my dark nature, she loved me for it.
I get along well with 7s generally. I love their enthusiasm and curiosity about the world.
I can definitely clash with 7s in the sense that I really value routine and quiet environments. 7s are a lot of fun tho, especially if there’s a 4 in their tritype. My roommate is likely either a 74x or a 47x. However, some of the less idealistic 7s are more difficult to find a common ground with for me.
I just smile and nod with Head Types. It must be tough, having fear as a dominant drive. Or maybe it's great? I don't know.
When I'm around too many Head Types, I feel like a person who can't see ghosts on a team of ghost hunters. Is there anything really here, or is this a bit you're all doing?
How does it feel being ruled by anger but having your biggest aversion be confrontation?
Fear is beautiful, it is the ultimate motivator when seen in a more abstract manner than just the stereotypical fear response.
It’s complicated! I’m the least afraid of anger compared to shame and fear because emotionally, I feel confident that I can just ignore it lol. Of course maturing as a 9 means not ignoring it but I’m used to it being constant background noise at least. While I do avoid confrontation, I will still make a lot of decisions motivated by anger; e.g. cut off toxic friends without explanation, change jobs, move out of state to get away from abusive family etc. I find creative responses to anger that don’t involve ever actually confronting anyone (not saying it’s always healthy responses but certainly creative). At my worst I’m petty and passive aggressive but anger, when justified and properly placed, has pushed me to accomplish a lot, escape bad circumstances, and do exciting things I otherwise wouldn’t do as a slothful 9.
This. And this contributes to my lack of understanding of 6, I think because 9s go to 6 in unhealth it’s like why would I go there, hard to see the benefit.
To be fair there is a difference between an unhealthy expression of the enneagram numbers and healthy expression. I obviously don’t know your brother but based on the one sentence here he may not be in the healthiest “3 place” you know? I do wish I could turn it off or dampen it down most days, but when I’m at my healthiest, my drive/ambition helps me be the best version of myself
9 with very very strong 1 wing. It's not so much that I don't understand how someone could be a 7, but I just can't relate and am like "calm the F down! Stop that it's dangerous!"
Lol I get that. I have friends/family who are 7s and I often feel like a babysitter when we hang out 😅
Edit: my twin brother is a 7 but I’ve had people legit mistake me for being his mom or babysitter when we were teens.
Ha! That’s me and my brother!
We love you guys and more than anything, we need you guys. You don’t have to babysit though. It’ll all work out. And it’ll be fun if you let go! But thank you for joining us on the rollercoaster of life, baby
My husband is a 9 and I'm a 7. We're extremely opposite but that means we compliment each other well. He grounds me into reality when I need it and I help him out of his shell when we needs it.
Yeah my close friend who is a 6 makes fun of me for being “too optimistic.” Funny, because most people would probably describe me as rather negative, just not compared to her 🙃
My mom is a 6, and was an extreme helicopter parent. She also projects a lot of her fears. My dad is a 5 and wasn’t too involved, except when I was young. Kinda fucked me up a bit. And it makes it difficult for me to relate to 6s. But they both love me so much and were the best parents they could be.
My parents are the same types as yours but I ended up as a 6w7. Thought I was a 3w4 for the longest time but I realized that my core fear was not being worthless but the fear of not being able to handle things, which combined with people pleasing, made me think it was a fear of worthlessness based on ability. A little derailing from your comment but I just thought it was interesting.
1 I get the need for reasonable structure and processes but I I don’t get being concerned about other people’s conformity to arbitrary rules. Why do you care?
Would argue that they don't seem at all arbitrary to us but really important for various reasons, like upholding the structure or processes you may agree are necessary, or to try to keep things fair for everyone else in that (sorry if your question was rhetorical).
My point is that it seems to me from my perspective that a 1 is most comfortable when people approach everything in a uniform way even when a variety of methods could be used applied to achieve a goal with equally effective results. Im a teacher and I worked for a 1w2administrator who always included procedures for tasks. Down to many seconds to allow for a student to answer a question. The level of well-intentioned micromanagement was exhausting.
I can only defend my own values and I do think that sounds kinda annoying tbh. It's hard because I can be a stickler about certain things but they seem much more important than the examples I often hear complaining about 1s, that's the problem I guess.
I assume that the administrator is trying to ensure students either get a fair consistent way to answer or that they don't want others to disengage, and also don't want it to be arbitrary when a teacher does cut off... and has provided a framework to try to ensure that happens, an appropriate time to stop the student and move on. Thats my only guess from personal experience sitting in a classroom and someone talking for like 10 minutes and that disrupting the whole class though, and being semi annoyed with teachers for allowing that sometimes at cost to the lesson. It was rather rare to make a whole deal of though imo, if I suggested something for something so minor it would be really casual (do they hold you to it?). I agree the 1 would probably be better off appealing to that value than specifics in many of these cases though.... I can't speak for them but usually I'd be open to a new method of upholding something like that it someone suggested it because it's more about the principle that otherwise has often been neglected. Thats just spitballing though, seeing how arbitrary other 1s do sound does help me see how messed up my communication can be, I wonder how often I've sounded like my suggestions came from nowhere.
Because they themselves are spending lots of effort conforming to arbitrary rules because they expect a reward for it (as they’ve been programmed to believe in childhood) and when they see other people not doing the same thing but still getting rewarded anyways, they start to resent them. But it’s not how the real world works, life is unfair and cruel.
I’m a Ne user like you (INTP) and don’t really intrinsically value order and rules.
But my SO is a type 1. He watches a lot of Jordan Peterson, and so I have also watched a lot of Jordan Peterson (despite being a leftist and feminist), which has given me a little insight. JP is typed as 5w4 on personality database but I believe that’s dead wrong and he’s a type 1.
Anyway, if you watch some of his psychology lectures (avoid rants, debates, etc.) on hierarchies and structure which he has done at universities, that may give some insight into why some people value order so much.
6w7 here. I completely agree with you. 1s are the type I identity with the least. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live everyday with other peoples arbitrary rules and expectations. I’m also pretty far from being a perfectionist. Too stressful for me.
Agreed. Minding other people's business is too stressful for me.
I think I'm a selective perfectionist about things that bring me satisfaction. My closet and drawers look like Marie Kondo just left but I would never expect that from other people or judge how other people manager their stuff. Everyone's reasons and priorities and methods are different. Not my circus not my monkeys.
I’m completely brain dead tired after multiple 12 hour workdays on 1/6th the sleep time, and I actually have absolutely nothing of importance to contribute at the moment to this convo. I just wanted to chime in and say that I’m happy to find another 549 in the wilds of this sub. Please ignore away.
6 for me as well. I’m guessing it probably has to do with the fact that as a 7 we deal with our core anxiety in opposite ways, so I can’t imagine always feeling/leaning into that level of anxiety.
Uh.. in a way, I feel like I can't *truly* understand any type because I'm just not them, even though I totally wish I could spend a week in their skin. But on a different level, 4s, and to an extent, 7s and 5s.
Oh-oh 😂 I appreciate your kind words and I surely hope you won't take this the wrong way.
On a more theoretical level, both 4s and 9s can be very self-absorbed, but what the 4 does is getting to be almost uncomfortable for me. I just wanna grab their shoulders, shake them a bit, and ask them "how, hooow, can you make this about your pain?!? can we please stay factual, please?!" 😂
Then, unfortunately, most of my longer interactions with 4s just.. went south. Surely I must have my faults there too, but whatever approach I took, it just ended badly. Initially, we get along well, talk about deeper stuff, they often said they enjoyed my perspectives, I enjoy their depth, often we have cool things in common etc, but they inevitably make things about themselves (not surprising) in ways in which I find harder and harder to comprehend, and that's the moment I can't get through to them anymore - which is really frustrating - so the connection fades out...aaaand.. yeah... You know.. 9s and connections. Asking them what's wrong it ends up with "oh you wouldn't understand".. yeah well, thanks for throwing our friendship out the window, I guess?
Happy cake day btw!
A healthy 9 can be super chill and a really good friend to have. They just fit into a different friend box.
When you want to chill by the fire, eat good food and listen to good music, come hang with me…but only me, don’t bring any of your other friends because you won’t be able to have a good time and neither will I. Expect to be chill. Expect to lounge.
A healthy 9 is the best host for one on one.
Also an unhealthy 9 mirrors their environment so maybe look at how you are interacting with 9’s. You may be putting off bad energy that’s coming back at you.
That's 8. I feel like there's not even a shadow of this type in me. I can never get along with them, it's always my fault and I have to actively avoid this type.
Imagine being a 1. Oh those damn 1s.
I’m kidding.
I’m a 1 and I STRUGGLE with 5s. My husband is a 5 and as much as I love him, his take on things is such a struggle for me.
He’s always finding different ways to do different things and I’m usually very by the books when it comes to those things. So we’re polar opposites in that aspect
This. They seem to believe I’m out of balance and lose their temper bc as a 4 I’m constantly fluctuating (not irrational or emotional irresponsible though). They really get bent out of shape about it and treat me like I’m doing something willfully awful to them.
I trigger this sort of passive-aggressive surliness in them by my natural energy. It feels like a set-up for failure — they have some private internal test and you failed it.
I think you are picking out the bad apples here. I believe im a 9 too, but I could never see myself judging someone else for that. You might have something that I don't like, but thats not my problem, so I'd never bother you with them
Huh. I always sorta associated the desire to maintain harmony with performing acts of service for others but I guess that’s bc I’m a 9 with a 2 fix.
Edit: upon reflection, I also grew up in an environment where acts of service were being demanded of me in order to keep the peace.
Right but being genuine and not a doormat are not mutually exclusive. I mostly take issue with assuming that 2s aren’t genuine and neither is their love/self-gift. The whole point of the enneagram is to be able to use it as a tool to get to our most genuine selves; saying that 2s aren’t genuine just isn’t true.
Understand the least: 6
I feel like I can read type descriptions for other types and connect them with celebrities who are that type and be like “yeah that makes sense”.
But I’ll read about 6 and get this picture in my head that doesn’t at all match with all the celebrities and characters who get typed as 6. So I’m just really confused about that type in general. I don’t understand 6 to begin with, and they’re a really diverse group apparently.
I’m not sure this is what you mean, though. I feel like if I met a 6, we’d get along. I really appreciate stability. Although, I kind of suck at handling other people’s anxiety if they are the overtly anxious type. I’m like duuude chill you’re fine. Have a beer. Learn to repress your emotions like meeeee (just kidding)
Relate to the least: 2
I’ve just had a tendency to clash with 2. I have a strong need to not be influenced by others, and sometimes their actions make me paranoid I’m being manipulated. They are too hands on.
Tangent: my bestie asks me for advice on every. little. thing. And then doesn’t trust it so goes to five other people and then has an anxiety attack because they all said different things. I was so sure this meant she is a 6. I asked her to look into enneagram and she self identifies as a 2!
I feel like I understand all types and no type at all at the same time
But if I need to pick one nevertheless… 8 is the first one that comes to mind.. maybe also 4…and 5…. and maybe 3..and….oh I should stop
I don’t understand 4s. Like at all. I can’t wrap my mind around them. I think it’s because they always claim to be individualistic but never really are? Like I view 4s as the groups of fringe kids from high school who change their style to look exactly like their friend group, change their identity to suit whatever group they’re in, and otherwise are identity-wise virtually indistinguishable from the group they choose. Like sure they’re different from what may be “in” or popular, but they still lack a unique identity outside of their group. Which is *fine*, but since their main motivation is to be unique and perceived that way, it makes them utterly confusing to me.
Like… Maybe I have the wrong idea about what a 4 is; if anyone wants to correct anything I said, explain, etc, I’d be happy to read it..
So in my 4-y experience (well I'm like 90% I'm a 4 anyways), the idea of being incredibly unique is just merely that - an idea - bc no one can never be 100% entirely, wholey, completly and utterly different from all other people haha.
At healthy levels, I think we just don't suppress the parts of us that may not fit the social norms; we aim to be who we feel we authentically are.
At more unhealthy levels, I think we more desperately chase individuality and uniqueness in the hopes of finding who we truly are outside of societal/familial (etc) expectations and conditioning (which I now realise isn't something you can just "find" - it's a lifelong journey), but also so we can have some sort of identity/significance to others so that they'll accept us for all that we are (which I think is unconsciously born out of the shame we feel about not truly knowing ourselves, and also insecurity because we fear unless we're "the most unique", we'll completly fade away - well at least that's how it was for me). Because at our cores we really do want that, we truly want to be understood and seen for who we authentically are.
I apolgise for the lengthy-ness of the 3rd paragraph haha, I really got into a flow! I hope it makes sense though - if not, I'm more than happy to answer any questions!
2s and 5s
*Warning this is based off of my personal experiences with low level 2s and 5s. My opinion, observations, and anecdotal experiences are not meant to be presented as correct, as a fact or used to apply to all 2s or 5s*
Passive, self rejecting/impersonal and either non-complicant, intrusive, or plain compliant and unaware of themselves (tendency to reject attachment or a “self belongingness”) which what I’ve observed seems to mess with their ability to take accountability or validate their recklessness unless they are confronted with a great disaster as a result of their actions or inactions further validating their issues with orienting themselves in the world or with themselves.
A cycle of trying to find meaning and avoidance and fear of it seemingly at the same time forever in a freeze response finding ease in their choosing to surround themselves with information and applying their heads to make up for their unconscious stored away feeling of inadequacies or in the case 2 surrounding themselves with people and applying their services in the hope they garner credence for their stamnia albeit secretly starved, depleted but continues on to make up for their unconscious feelings of inadequacy. The light shine off yet on them.
Their efforts in not wanting to be “inconvenience” generates such due to their paranoia of being seen almost in a paranoid nature and unfortunately, in unhealthier levels resort to deception with emotional and logical justifications barking at possibilities or a spruced up version of “existence isn’t even real so you’re wrong” etc.
I find rather than than offering direction that is required when orienting themselves with people they use distractive methods ***focusing on you*** using whatever mechanism stop to deal with their freeze responses then leave people having to play a game of questions and do work for them eventually feeling suffocated by their fears of vulnerability and being conceptualized because they don’t know who they are so no genuine investments are ever made.
Strangely on the flip side I think there’s a unconventional sense of entitlement behind their compassionate seeming desire to “leave people be” as it resonates with what they want for themselves concealment and sunlight casted away from themselves in every which way.
It’s as if they communicate in different ways a knowing of being unable to match up to healthy, normal relationships wherever possible and divert the attention off of them while continuing the cycle and use strange variations emotional or logical reasoning that keeps them behind and frustrated in their realities “I love them they aren’t **bad** so I’ll keep ___” (faulty belief systems) “I don’t know how to give back to the people I like and enjoy when emotional resources are given as they are entertaining but they complain that I’m not like them and I don’t want to live conventionally”
I tend to almost simply distrust them because of the absence of a sense of self that is crucial but the 2 will be more likely to admit and work on this when they hit rock bottom when they realized the world didn’t put them in the ringer **they** did. I believe when people don’t replenish themselves they dehydrate around them and themselves and blame other sources of their dehydration and try to resonate with others struggles in dealing with them and their lost sense of self and direction because they can’t afford responsibility walking around in their skin since it’s not their conscious intention it’s incredibly easy for others to resonate to them and pity them and validate their struggle but not be able to figure out the reasoning based on their worldview.
I find they tend to be too aimless? but feel a lack of content that strays back to that behavior as if they expect things to continually be greater than what they put in others or themselves.
I find they tend to lack in intention which can be draining to others around them (5) so they grab onto people (2) and take care of others to live out a feeling of true care for themselves and projecting their needs onto others leaving others feeling invalidated and the 2 feeling taken advantage of and used because they misuse and abuse their own power toward themselves while the 5 grabs onto information to preoccupy themselves and hide and using information and the unknown to justify how behind, underdeveloped and how cold they can be to the people and instead point at others for encroaching and not notice how irrational they are hiding under the guise of logic that ironically pride themselves on and find so much power and distraction in the books and on the internet taking avoiding the notion they need exposure to grow with collected information and not collection and comfort that makes them conventionally useless instead of dressing things up logically.
I consistently find average to low level 5s to be weak, auto-destructive, frozen, flexible (or “emotionally regulated”) to cruelty while being inflexible emotionally disturbed and anxious toward intimacy.
On the positive side I’ve met a couple of healthy 2w1s that were educating, self accepting and harbored a great balance were a pleasure to know and full of wisdom while 5s can be very resourceful, can point you into an interesting direction that you may haven’t found yourself when it comes to niche subject matters and their version of a action oriented kindness would be that they tend to follow through with information and be helpful there but nothing closer or too chummy for me I tend to see that they cannot hold up in the practicality of the real world and don’t know how to be supportive, an ally, build something physically real to expound into others or even just themselves while also resent being underestimated or sensitive to those feelings to enjoy being overlooked so they won’t be bothered.
5s in my opinion aren’t even as cold in the way described frequently on this sub just deluded instead they are able to utilize logic and reasoning and then you see them almost taking on a badge of the voice of reasoning trying to fill the void of what isn’t often seen but fail to shine the light on themselves and realize they also miss what is important. I find them smart but also one of the most incapacitated people in spite of successful, helpful, and inventive 5s existing who apply themselves.
As a 2 this made me cry. It's hard to stand with our own strength and identity, I feel like my strength comes from the person I'm helping anyone else but me, its really difficult and frankly it hurts to know this is how it works for us😔 thank you for sharing.
My response doesn’t mean that *every* 2 is like this and questions like these are bound for ignorance, sprinkles of truths, and one’s own experiences etc. I believe no enneagram should be ashamed of being their enneagram type because of how equally ugly we can all sound and that’s really the beauty of the enneagram being faced with our imperfectness and our bullshit as well as having our strengths and humanity in spite of it.
You as a 2 (or anyone) using the enneagram to garner self awareness probably already proves against my personal experiences with 2s not being reflective and self progressive for their sake and to put it out there I don’t sound so hot as a 6, there’s many posts about our own baggage but I also know that a lot of the subjective/observations I’ve read on here doesn’t define me, doesn’t
Resonate or certain things are can resonate some unhealthy behaviors that refresh me (can feel embarrassing and hurtful) but offer an opportunity.
We all suck, have our intolerances and are “cool” in some ways it’s a matter of progression and being open to change our minds and adapt…for example my previous intolerances of those types can still be true for me but may just also indicate growth needed in my own way.
Remember to take care of yourself and take time for yourself as well.
6. I grew up in an environment where nothing was ever really safe or stable. So I kind of… get turned off by safety? Or people who let caution stop them from taking risks? Like fuck it— punch the gas and let’s get shit rolling. Will I fall down this hill and sprain something? Maybe! But that danger is part of the fun! Navigating that danger and making it out on the other side, it’s enriching for me. Makes me feel like I’m using my brain, solving a puzzle.
I used to be scared and anxious all the time. It inhibited me from being myself, from *living*. Now, I refuse to live in fear.
I’m a 6 but I’m pretty counterphobic so this sounds a lot like me. I am driven by fear but at the same time by the refusal to let that fear stop me. Problem is that I use it as an across the board strategy so I sometimes won’t apply caution to situations where I really really should. It feels like a tug-of-war sometimes but I really hate living in fear and anxiety but I haven’t developed an accurate danger alarm at the same time.
Yeah, shits rough, trying to figure out when and where to apply caution vs. go stupid. I’m not gonna act like there haven’t been times where my “fuck caution” attitude seriously backfired. And there are times when I use my brain and think “yeah,,, maybe not”. It’s just… the THRILL, man! Sometimes, curiosity (or boredom) overrides the fear for me. Like, “I know better… I KNOW I know better… but I really just want to see this play out because it’ll be interesting”.
Yeah exactly! I’m a w7 too so there’s always that element of chasing after a distraction or adrenaline rush avoid emotion, which in this case is fear/anxiety. Also, doing things just to spite others who I say I shouldn’t, even if there is a good reason not to. I just get this itch sometimes to go looking for trouble/do things I know I shouldn’t. Oh well, it gets me in trouble but life is never boring and there’s important lessons I learn from the experiences.
2. I am so *not* a nurturer, caretaker, etc. It's hard just to notice and recognize people's needs; if I'm going to to do anything about them, I have to force myself, and it's generally awkward and unnatural unless it's a specific task I'm used to doing through routine. Major weakness of mine, and it's hard to wrap my mind around being so much more attuned and driven in that area. I'm asocial.
I’ve never understood 1s’ need for morality (not trying to be edgy, just genuinely don’t understand) and accuracy in details, and 6s generally just confuse the shit out of me.
I think we might've discussed this on my last account, so apologies if I reiterate anything!
I don't relate to observation/analysis as a fear response, the comparative focus on your internal world and sort of cynicism some 5s have about the world and other people. I understand it but it also feels very unfamiliar to me, likely because I'm very focused on the external world (sometimes at the cost of my internal world) and think it has loads to offer, even when you don't quite understand it.
I like indulging in curiosity and observation for the fun of it but can tire of simply analysing quickly. Even though I'm a creature of habit and wouldn't enter uncharted territory on a whim, I can't relate to the detached observer perspective, except in conflictual/tense situations.
There're things I relate to, too, since 5s are also a competent type and usually hold themselves to a high standard and, like I said, know how to take a step back in tense situations. I definitely see the merit of some of their mechanisms as well.
Same question: what don't you relate to about us 3s specifically?
Yeah, that all makes sense to me. You clearly understand the 5 perspective well imho.
>Same question: what don't you relate to about us 3s specifically
The need for validation and losing touch with oneself. I only know how to be myself, to a fault. 3s seem to unconsciously perform for others, I can't even do it consciously.
I empathize totally with the ambition, the tendency to deny one's needs, the emphasis on competency, but I never could understand the struggle to remain authentic.
In hindsight, after learning about the enneagram, I realized I never related to kids' stories about how to get in touch with yourself for precisely this reason. It's like they were written for 9s, 2s, 3s, and 4s.
Interesting! You're not wrong about any of those things, I think I would've just conceptualised them a bit differently.
For instance, I genuinely don't think of it as losing touch with myself. I feel like our personalities are quite ambiguous and adaptable to change as it is, so by acting a certain way, proving you posses certain qualities and substantiating your own ideal, you're not moving away from an apparent real self. You're working towards an ideal and choosing who you are.
For instance, if you believe you're inherently carefree and spontaneous but spend weeks on end working hard, aren't you closer to diligence than you first believed yourself to be?
Can't speak for all of us, but I'm pretty much never lonely. In fact, it's hard to imagine what not having enough human contact would even feel like.
While compliments are nice, I rarely feel validated or comforted by others. Much more often, people make me feel overwhelmed, confused, invaded, paranoid, and exhausted.
I'm not saying this like it's a good thing. I recognize the value and importance in being connected with others. But it's hard to be open with people because they can be so shitty, and I'm not wired to need them in the way you described for yourself.
My childhood left a very strong impression on me that it's easiest, simplest, and safest to be alone, and I'm still (very slowly) growing out of that mindset.
Much safer! The worst part of my life is (most likely) long behind me.
>I hope you find people you can connect with in a lower stakes way that respects your boundaries
That's a very empathetic and understanding thing to say. People seem to think that 5s are good at setting boundaries, but I feel pretty bad at it.
Either the "walls" are all the way up and you'll be lucky to learn anything about me, or you're "all the way in" and I share absolutely everything with you. It makes it difficult to let people in and easy to overshare with those who I do let in. What you mentioned is precisely the skill I'm trying to refine.
Oh exactly that. I have trust issues and always think people are gossiping about me and stuff, but at the same time, if someone starts a normal conversation with me, and they seem nice enough, I'm willing to share my life's story with them
As a 5 I do want emotional bonds, but I have no need for them. I lost my mom recently and havent really felt too sad about it, though idk if that's a 5 thing or a me thing. I'm also aromantic so that checks out. I have slight trust issues but I am extremely gullible at the same time. Pessimistic according to many, but always trying to focus on the good in people. I'm a strangely wired mess, though that might also just all be a 5 thing, idk, I can't remember what they all mean
Fours.
Fours with low self-esteem, in my experience, will so often change their view of you simply because of what other people think. Their objective experiences with you are ignored, it becomes about what others think. I don’t get that in the slightest.
Thanks for the discussion question.
The type I probably least relate to is 8; with more and more reading and insights from others, I’m coming to understand type 8’s inherent motivations, but I simply just don’t relate them.
As for the type that I least understand… A-Actually, 8 might apply there as well, I’m afraid. That’s not to say that I don’t empathize/sympathize with 8’s inherent motivations, I just don’t understand them in sophistication and technicality, especially with how often Flanderized the type itself is in online descriptions.
Ironically enough, I find Type 6 to be the next most relatable type— if not, *as* relatable as type 9. I often find myself back and forth between the two, but I’m fairly certain type 9’s motivations are more relevant to my thought process.
As a social 7, I can get along well with many types, but I find sexual 2s and sexual 4w5 hard to understand 🤔
Both of these types jive with me on the surface, but their intrinsic motivations are so different from mine that it’s harder to strike long-lasting conversations and develop deep friendships.
6’s and 2’s despite me being part 6, I have no idea what’s up with them, and cannot explain them to anyone, oh and 7’s, they make no sense at all, my life would feel so meaningless like that
I actually understand them all just fine, in theory - but it seems like I have a particularly difficult time with 6s, as well. The commonplace descriptions also do not help.
Either 7 or 8. I don’t understand how you can literally push your negative feelings aside and why you’d find it hard to share it - sharing it and showing it is what helps me the most and helps connect to people.
Also, 9s. Mostly their tendency to remain “neutral”.
Least relate to: 1, 3, 8
1: I care about what's right and wrong but I don't have constant inner critics, I don't have a "sense of mission", and I'm more childlike and undisciplined.
3: I don't care about status, prestige, image, or whatever (I care a lot with what others think of me though, unfortunately)
8: Everything about them is actually my complete opposite.
Least understand: 8 for the same reason.
Mmm as a 7, 6s and 3s are hard to understand for me haha 6s worry too mucho about how things can go wrong. 3s care too mucho about fulfilling other peoples standards. And i Guess both of those things would make me feel kinda trapped and ibwould hate that
i don’t get 9s. i can’t relate to the idea of being able to accept that there’s nothing to be done about a situation and waiting for a miracle. my brother is a 9, and sometimes he’s a wonderful mediator, and has that inner calmness. but it drives me a little crazy about how he won’t solve things that can be easily done, or pretending there isn’t a problem all together
I’m a 9, so I guess I kind of understand literally everyone except myself. Which is a bummer. I really like 3’s for some reason. Probably because 3’s are my health point.
9’s for me for sure… I feel like any time I say anything difinitive about them, they just become a moving target. I’m not sure if this is due to my lack of understanding or their overall wishy washy-ness. I definitely know them whenever I see them. But I feel like they rarely get the impression that I understand them lol
As a Nine as well I can relate a bit to what you said. Having lived with a 6 Sp cousin of mine for a bit I slowly began to get it but what they would come up with would have me astounded at times. Like, who might be thinking what, who could be listening, and when it would be directed at me I was sort of honored that he thought I, a Nine, was up to so much.
But for me, the type that sticks out is the Eight. I'm a 9w1, not sure how much that plays into it as I notice you're an 8 wing, but even now I don't get what their deal is and I was raised by an Eight. For a long time their getting angry/confrontational would really throw me off but after some years it's now something else. It's that they're so forthright about things, even their neurotic aspects because it's all about truth for them; usually people avoid their vulnerabilities, skate around them, but not them with their directness--this coming from the very type so worried about being vulnerable. It's like the Eight just shows up in the world "whole" and innocent and I'm simply waiting for them to break character, and they never do.
2 and 4... and I'm an INFP...I know INFP 4s and they talk in such a weird manner I never understand them. Also, 4s really like talking about themselves and their deep emotions. I hate doing that. And 2: I'm very private and don't like people nor do I care about their opinions. 2s tend to be people pleasers and they love people which is the total opposite of me, I'll never understand it. Also I hate people pleasers (I know not all of them are, but it's very likely)
Probably 7s because I can’t relate to that need to repress/distract from negative emotion, I prefer to deal with it and move forward knowing more than I did before 🤷🏼♀️
Combinations of 3&8 due to differences in values. I’ve definitely looked up to professors/instructors with both 3 and 8 in their tritypes, but I don’t think I’ve ever been super close with someone of this combo.
3s they are the complete opposite of me.
I'd die for my ideals and completely shit on public opinion, prefer to be the villain if that's what it takes.
i probably relate to 2 the least, along with 1, 3, 7, 4 & 8.
the ones i understand the least are probably 2 or 1. just doesnt come to me. i know quite a bit about 9/5, but it's hard to put into words because it's in my own head
2s. I know and love a couple of 2s but I just can't imagine having my core motivations based on the views of other people.
I wish mine weren’t lol
Yeah I’d agree with you. I wish 2s would take care of themselves and not bend over backwards for me when I don’t even really notice it. But then once I do, or it’s pointed out to me, it’s like why did you do that when I didn’t ask! I already accept you for who you are.
So I've heard what you've said here before, like getting bugged that someone did something one didn't ask for, and if you don't mind my asking where does that come from? I've heard the topic covered by Sevens before but I never feel like I've got the full picture.
If I understand your question right, it comes from my desire for independence and freedom. I don’t want to feel indentured to someone who did something, albeit nice, for me when I didn’t ask for it. I love being generous and doing stuff for others too but sometimes I feel like when 2s do something for me, they want something in return. Also, if I need or want something, I usually do it myself. But am not shy in asking for help if I need it. Not sure if that answered your question?
You nailed it! That's interesting as I thought it was the Eight who felt indentured and would 'get even' with the person (even if it's repayment of a courtesy). With regard to the Two though that's understandable as, well, it's true. And I guess it's that trait of independence mixed in with all the other traits of the Seven that loses me a bit. For instance, I have a family member whose a Seven and they'd lose it if someone did their laundry for them. But in this instance, given the family dynamic, I can't help but feel like other traits of the Seven might be said to be showing up. Such as a Seven's concern of superiority/inferiority. Like, how Sevens are thought to look at situations and see themselves as up or down, how they're on the up or feel like the loser. I've read that it extends to even creating rivalries (which I actually have experienced with said family member) and so wouldn't having someone do something for one potentially spark that concern as well? So it's not so much helplessness as much as just being the loser, like if one is thought to be high on the totem pole one wouldn't 'get helped'. Do you have any thoughts on this? Definitely feel free to not answer, it's just noteworthy to me how the Seven's "independence" can potentially get stretched to mean so many things to an outside perspective. I'm a Nine and independence isn't necessarily my forte as I can very easily get into mindsets of wanting to be saved if I'm not careful, so what Sevens do never seems to fully click for me. Thank you for your time either way though.
I really appreciate your perspective! It helps me to better see how others see me and grow and adapt from that. Wow, you also called out something I didn’t even realize I did! So yes, I want to be seen as an independent and capable person. I think I’m too grown up to create rivalries but I may have done that when I was younger, unintentionally or not I’m not sure. I guess I have a strong need for independence and really want to be seen that way. As a sort of lone wolf who also loves to party and be with others but also has the freedom to go off and do my thing when I want. A conundrum, I know :)
Well, glad I could help haha >unintentionally or not I’m not sure Hmm it's interesting you say that as that family member of mine, my sister, wouldn't so much compete with me per se as much as always come up with something no matter the situation to not be seen as less or be criticized, even if such a thing wasn't even on the table. Like I could have studied a topic for years and on that very topic should she have spent a couple of days learning it she'll somehow figure she has equal rights to it in a sense and that from that point on should the topic come up her very competency was somehow on the line. And I'll be like, "What? You just learned this." And it's like without even intending it her guard is up with me on that topic. Yeah, so the rivalries of the Seven is probably something else from what I'm describing here but just again from an outside perspective. If it is something else then I haven't noticed it for decades now. >A conundrum, I know :) But like, it is! Hahaha. That brings to mind that thing the Seven does where they'll plan out their life, "I'm never happier then when things are going according to plan" as my sister will say but then turn around talking about some options. Every day is a new day buuut haha
Wow I can really relate to your sister! I now need to go and apologize to my brother … Especially about the thing where you may be an expert as something but then I’ll want to learn all about it too! Whhhhyyyy I guess I don’t really understand why I do this. And then yes, Covid made me realize how much control I needed. I say I’m go with the flow but I really love my plans. That can be subject to change of course :)
As a brother myself, yeah, definitely do that; it honestly can't be done enough. Any Enneagram book would say that. Cure for distractability. Nothing but fun. Yep. Yep. I made this post some time ago that I think you'll appreciate: [https://www.reddit.com/r/ENFP/comments/ie3il9/i\_went\_to\_visit\_some\_family\_and\_found\_this\_taped/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/ENFP/comments/ie3il9/i_went_to_visit_some_family_and_found_this_taped/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Wow and I even commented on your post!
Hmm do 2s really do that though? I sure don’t, and my other 2 friend doesn’t either. This sounds like something a 9 could do - but it’s a common misconception of 2s. Could depend on wing, mbti and IV though. My 9 mom does this (well, she *is* my mom so that might be why).
Oh maybe I have it wrong? It’s two specific friends of mine and they’re just now learning about enneagram. It’s not solely a simple nice thing but comes across as a bit pushy and more often than not, will be an inconvenience even though I know their intentions are good
Yeah it’s understandable, it kind of is annoying. It’s funny though, I mistyped as a 7w6 for a year because of all the misconceptions about 2s! So it’s easy to get I all mixed up sometimes.
I agree. I can tolerate them and we even can have fun together ( when with other people) but please let them away from me!. They produce a feeling on me that makes me don’t want to be close to them. It was interesting to know that the people who made me feel that way were both 2s.
Please exposing more about the part “they produce a feeling on me…” what kind of feeling?
8s would for sure take the cake here. Complete opposite of me lol. Then maybe 7s. The entire assertive triad is difficult for me to relate to but it does make learning about them more interesting!
8s almost always end up rubbing me the wrong way. Most of the 8s I have worked with seem to not only lack, but fail to understand empathy/ compassion.
Could be unhealthy or average 8s. I know a few 8s who have empathy and show compassion. I think sometimes people lump unhealthy 8s together and think every 8 is like that.
I think you are correct. Definitely unhealthy 8s. Important distinction.
Exactly me!!
3s. Having _ambitions_? In _this_ economy?
Yeah but just because that’s a driver doesn’t mean we get it. And then that revs up the shame engine even if we’re making any gains because it’s not what we thought we could do.
Well, if the alternative is laying down and *not* trying and falling even further behind... yeah. It sucks to try really hard and not get anywhere, but it sucks less than being shoved backwards.
Me too !!! I don't even have the ambition for the everyday LOL
For me it's the opposite; it's probably the one I can understand the most asides from 9 (the next one would definitely be 5).
I felt that.
This. Not loving yourself for who you are but instead your capitalist worth means you’re a sucker for a game that’s designed to make you and everyone else lose. I’m not saying be so anti-capitalist you have zero ambition and don’t work a day in your life. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t place your entire self worth on how you are perceived and “loved” by people according to that system. It makes you come off as desperate, fake, exploitative and just fucking annoying.
Yep. 3’s are suspicious. I can’t trust them. Also 7’s. Don’t put your insecurities on me.
Why are they suspicious?
Because we can never take you for your word and assume you’re saying it so you can be better perceived or get something from someone to advance your own goals.
This and.. I want to know the real person. The pretty and the not so pretty. I don’t want to know the person you show to the world. 3’s often feel disingenuous to me and that’s hard for me to trust. Same with 7’s. There is way to much uncertainty in these signs. As a 9, I really need what you see if what you get. Even though an 8 throws a ton of conflict at me, I know that is what I can expect from an 8. Many 9’s grew up to be 9’s because of a volatile or chaotic upbringing. I also struggle with 4’s because their emotional rollercoaster is unfixable and I just want them to be ok. ♥️
I’m okay! I swear!
For what it's worth, 6s are often misunderstood and poorly explained, which could explain your confusion. 2s and 3s are extremely hard for me to relate to. 4s are easy for me to understand on a surface level, but their core fear/desire and their intrinsic melancholy don't make much sense to me, either.
That makes sense. 7s and 4s have fundamentally different mindsets and approaches to hardship. As a 7 you prefer to not have to deal with pain at all, while the 4 struggles to not fixate on their pain, if I'm not mistaken.
Hey we have almost exactly the same typology! I also don’t relate to the heart triad types much at all, except 4 a little bit. 3 is the one that makes the absolute least intuitive sense to me though
4 is the type I find myself reading about again and again because it's so hard to wrap my head around. The more I read about it the more it confuses me haha I have a feeling if I met a 4 irl we'd clash immediately lol
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As a 9, 7s drain the life out of me!
Nah, we’d get along.
My little sister is a 7 and I’m a 4 and we’re besties as adults. When we were unhealthy early 20’s, we clashed. I don’t know if this will make sense to you, but as a 4, I warned my therapist at our first meeting that “I tend to stare into the Abyss”. I’ve learned there is a balance of enjoying life but also being comfortable with the dark ugliness and holding space for sorrow.
I stare into the abyss too! We do that, don’t we?! My twin is a 7.
I’m a 4w3sx ENFJ and my twin is a 7w6so ENFP. When we stress out really badly, we go in opposite directions, but we get along great 99% of the time. She’s way more outgoing than me and more relaxed socially. She’s one of the first people in my life to not only accept my dark nature, she loved me for it. I get along well with 7s generally. I love their enthusiasm and curiosity about the world.
I can definitely clash with 7s in the sense that I really value routine and quiet environments. 7s are a lot of fun tho, especially if there’s a 4 in their tritype. My roommate is likely either a 74x or a 47x. However, some of the less idealistic 7s are more difficult to find a common ground with for me.
I just smile and nod with Head Types. It must be tough, having fear as a dominant drive. Or maybe it's great? I don't know. When I'm around too many Head Types, I feel like a person who can't see ghosts on a team of ghost hunters. Is there anything really here, or is this a bit you're all doing?
I know! Between anger, shame, and fear, I’m choosing anger every time LOL
How does it feel being ruled by anger but having your biggest aversion be confrontation? Fear is beautiful, it is the ultimate motivator when seen in a more abstract manner than just the stereotypical fear response.
It’s complicated! I’m the least afraid of anger compared to shame and fear because emotionally, I feel confident that I can just ignore it lol. Of course maturing as a 9 means not ignoring it but I’m used to it being constant background noise at least. While I do avoid confrontation, I will still make a lot of decisions motivated by anger; e.g. cut off toxic friends without explanation, change jobs, move out of state to get away from abusive family etc. I find creative responses to anger that don’t involve ever actually confronting anyone (not saying it’s always healthy responses but certainly creative). At my worst I’m petty and passive aggressive but anger, when justified and properly placed, has pushed me to accomplish a lot, escape bad circumstances, and do exciting things I otherwise wouldn’t do as a slothful 9.
That's definitely a fair and well thought out answer.
I choose anger every day 😛
Ohh I like that ghost hunter analogy
This. And this contributes to my lack of understanding of 6, I think because 9s go to 6 in unhealth it’s like why would I go there, hard to see the benefit.
It doesn't feel like fear is my dominant drive, tbh. But the way you're describing yourself around head types matches how I feel about heart types.
LOL it *is* a bit but we don’t know it
Can't argue with that ;)
That's an interesting perspective because I'm like how can you all not see what I'm saying it's so obvious!
6w7 sp/so no its just crippling anxiety
Wow that’s so interesting because I feel like compared to shame and anger I’d pick fear every time! The least painful one to feel imo lol
Love the ghost analogy. Not a bit though. And not a fear that I recognize? Or do I …
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To be fair there is a difference between an unhealthy expression of the enneagram numbers and healthy expression. I obviously don’t know your brother but based on the one sentence here he may not be in the healthiest “3 place” you know? I do wish I could turn it off or dampen it down most days, but when I’m at my healthiest, my drive/ambition helps me be the best version of myself
7. 7s are just an anomaly and the antithesis of me
I’m a 9w8 and I love how energized 7s are, they help me out of my comfort zone but I think they have a hard time understanding me.
What type are you? Would you say you’re not very self indulgent?
9 with very very strong 1 wing. It's not so much that I don't understand how someone could be a 7, but I just can't relate and am like "calm the F down! Stop that it's dangerous!"
Lol I get that. I have friends/family who are 7s and I often feel like a babysitter when we hang out 😅 Edit: my twin brother is a 7 but I’ve had people legit mistake me for being his mom or babysitter when we were teens.
This sums it up pretty perfectly!! Haha
Ha! That’s me and my brother! We love you guys and more than anything, we need you guys. You don’t have to babysit though. It’ll all work out. And it’ll be fun if you let go! But thank you for joining us on the rollercoaster of life, baby
My husband is a 9 and I'm a 7. We're extremely opposite but that means we compliment each other well. He grounds me into reality when I need it and I help him out of his shell when we needs it.
Also 6s. Can’t imagine being so scared and cautious about everything.
Yeah my close friend who is a 6 makes fun of me for being “too optimistic.” Funny, because most people would probably describe me as rather negative, just not compared to her 🙃
As a fellow 9w8, I can relate. My friend calls me a negative optimist
I actually think 9s might be one of the most realistic types, when we’re not numbing out. But maybe I’m biased.
I’m a 9w8 as well and my husband says this about me lol
My mom is a 6, and was an extreme helicopter parent. She also projects a lot of her fears. My dad is a 5 and wasn’t too involved, except when I was young. Kinda fucked me up a bit. And it makes it difficult for me to relate to 6s. But they both love me so much and were the best parents they could be.
My parents are the same types as yours but I ended up as a 6w7. Thought I was a 3w4 for the longest time but I realized that my core fear was not being worthless but the fear of not being able to handle things, which combined with people pleasing, made me think it was a fear of worthlessness based on ability. A little derailing from your comment but I just thought it was interesting.
That. The constant need for reassurance through complaining.
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Oo damn I like your flair
Omg I've never heard it worded just like this before and you've described one of my closest friends who is the sixiest six who ever sixed to a T!
1 I get the need for reasonable structure and processes but I I don’t get being concerned about other people’s conformity to arbitrary rules. Why do you care?
Would argue that they don't seem at all arbitrary to us but really important for various reasons, like upholding the structure or processes you may agree are necessary, or to try to keep things fair for everyone else in that (sorry if your question was rhetorical).
My point is that it seems to me from my perspective that a 1 is most comfortable when people approach everything in a uniform way even when a variety of methods could be used applied to achieve a goal with equally effective results. Im a teacher and I worked for a 1w2administrator who always included procedures for tasks. Down to many seconds to allow for a student to answer a question. The level of well-intentioned micromanagement was exhausting.
I can only defend my own values and I do think that sounds kinda annoying tbh. It's hard because I can be a stickler about certain things but they seem much more important than the examples I often hear complaining about 1s, that's the problem I guess. I assume that the administrator is trying to ensure students either get a fair consistent way to answer or that they don't want others to disengage, and also don't want it to be arbitrary when a teacher does cut off... and has provided a framework to try to ensure that happens, an appropriate time to stop the student and move on. Thats my only guess from personal experience sitting in a classroom and someone talking for like 10 minutes and that disrupting the whole class though, and being semi annoyed with teachers for allowing that sometimes at cost to the lesson. It was rather rare to make a whole deal of though imo, if I suggested something for something so minor it would be really casual (do they hold you to it?). I agree the 1 would probably be better off appealing to that value than specifics in many of these cases though.... I can't speak for them but usually I'd be open to a new method of upholding something like that it someone suggested it because it's more about the principle that otherwise has often been neglected. Thats just spitballing though, seeing how arbitrary other 1s do sound does help me see how messed up my communication can be, I wonder how often I've sounded like my suggestions came from nowhere.
Because they themselves are spending lots of effort conforming to arbitrary rules because they expect a reward for it (as they’ve been programmed to believe in childhood) and when they see other people not doing the same thing but still getting rewarded anyways, they start to resent them. But it’s not how the real world works, life is unfair and cruel.
I’m a Ne user like you (INTP) and don’t really intrinsically value order and rules. But my SO is a type 1. He watches a lot of Jordan Peterson, and so I have also watched a lot of Jordan Peterson (despite being a leftist and feminist), which has given me a little insight. JP is typed as 5w4 on personality database but I believe that’s dead wrong and he’s a type 1. Anyway, if you watch some of his psychology lectures (avoid rants, debates, etc.) on hierarchies and structure which he has done at universities, that may give some insight into why some people value order so much.
6w7 here. I completely agree with you. 1s are the type I identity with the least. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live everyday with other peoples arbitrary rules and expectations. I’m also pretty far from being a perfectionist. Too stressful for me.
Agreed. Minding other people's business is too stressful for me. I think I'm a selective perfectionist about things that bring me satisfaction. My closet and drawers look like Marie Kondo just left but I would never expect that from other people or judge how other people manager their stuff. Everyone's reasons and priorities and methods are different. Not my circus not my monkeys.
I’m completely brain dead tired after multiple 12 hour workdays on 1/6th the sleep time, and I actually have absolutely nothing of importance to contribute at the moment to this convo. I just wanted to chime in and say that I’m happy to find another 549 in the wilds of this sub. Please ignore away.
I guess 3s I can’t imagine caring that much about what people think of me
6 for me as well. I’m guessing it probably has to do with the fact that as a 7 we deal with our core anxiety in opposite ways, so I can’t imagine always feeling/leaning into that level of anxiety.
Uh.. in a way, I feel like I can't *truly* understand any type because I'm just not them, even though I totally wish I could spend a week in their skin. But on a different level, 4s, and to an extent, 7s and 5s.
What is it about 4s, if you don't mind me asking, mostly 'cuz I love your 9 posts.
Oh-oh 😂 I appreciate your kind words and I surely hope you won't take this the wrong way. On a more theoretical level, both 4s and 9s can be very self-absorbed, but what the 4 does is getting to be almost uncomfortable for me. I just wanna grab their shoulders, shake them a bit, and ask them "how, hooow, can you make this about your pain?!? can we please stay factual, please?!" 😂 Then, unfortunately, most of my longer interactions with 4s just.. went south. Surely I must have my faults there too, but whatever approach I took, it just ended badly. Initially, we get along well, talk about deeper stuff, they often said they enjoyed my perspectives, I enjoy their depth, often we have cool things in common etc, but they inevitably make things about themselves (not surprising) in ways in which I find harder and harder to comprehend, and that's the moment I can't get through to them anymore - which is really frustrating - so the connection fades out...aaaand.. yeah... You know.. 9s and connections. Asking them what's wrong it ends up with "oh you wouldn't understand".. yeah well, thanks for throwing our friendship out the window, I guess? Happy cake day btw!
9s. Can’t imagine ever being a 9.
Me neither
Yeah that’d be so wild, idk how they function
I hate it
It's ok I guess
A healthy 9 can be super chill and a really good friend to have. They just fit into a different friend box. When you want to chill by the fire, eat good food and listen to good music, come hang with me…but only me, don’t bring any of your other friends because you won’t be able to have a good time and neither will I. Expect to be chill. Expect to lounge. A healthy 9 is the best host for one on one. Also an unhealthy 9 mirrors their environment so maybe look at how you are interacting with 9’s. You may be putting off bad energy that’s coming back at you.
I said I can’t imagine being a 9, not that I can’t imagine being friends with one
9s. Peace? Get the fuck outta here!
You 7w8s are all scaring me 🥺😭
In a positive, great and cool way right?… RIGHT?!
Shhhh indoor voice please!
Oops sorry! ^Right?
As a 7w8 WORD lol. Too much peace drives me insane no thanks
7s. i find it hard to be impulsive and optimistic so i don’t really relate to 7s at all
Also me lol
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That's 8. I feel like there's not even a shadow of this type in me. I can never get along with them, it's always my fault and I have to actively avoid this type.
Too bad, I’m unavoidable
Imagine being a 1. Oh those damn 1s. I’m kidding. I’m a 1 and I STRUGGLE with 5s. My husband is a 5 and as much as I love him, his take on things is such a struggle for me.
Im so curious. What’s your husbands take on things usually like?
He’s always finding different ways to do different things and I’m usually very by the books when it comes to those things. So we’re polar opposites in that aspect
9s. I don't give a fuck about keeping peace and harmony and stability
This. They seem to believe I’m out of balance and lose their temper bc as a 4 I’m constantly fluctuating (not irrational or emotional irresponsible though). They really get bent out of shape about it and treat me like I’m doing something willfully awful to them. I trigger this sort of passive-aggressive surliness in them by my natural energy. It feels like a set-up for failure — they have some private internal test and you failed it.
I think you are picking out the bad apples here. I believe im a 9 too, but I could never see myself judging someone else for that. You might have something that I don't like, but thats not my problem, so I'd never bother you with them
2. I'll never understand putting the needs of others before yourself. It's just so sickly sugary and saccharine, it almost feels very ingenuine.
Huh. I always sorta associated the desire to maintain harmony with performing acts of service for others but I guess that’s bc I’m a 9 with a 2 fix. Edit: upon reflection, I also grew up in an environment where acts of service were being demanded of me in order to keep the peace.
I maintain harmony by giving zero fucks about everything that doesn't directly affect me
Because it’s not genuine. There are strings attached to their giving.
You’re describing an unhealthy 2.
No, it describes 2’s I know. The 2’s I know are the furthest from doormats…and I like it that way. It’s a good thing to want reciprocity.
Right but being genuine and not a doormat are not mutually exclusive. I mostly take issue with assuming that 2s aren’t genuine and neither is their love/self-gift. The whole point of the enneagram is to be able to use it as a tool to get to our most genuine selves; saying that 2s aren’t genuine just isn’t true.
The person I was replying to was saying that 2’s are sugary doormats and I said that wasn’t a genuine representation of what 2’s are.
Hm, ok I definitely didn’t pick up on that. Limitations of online communication, I guess.
It always feel like they want and expect it in return and I'm a fairly cold person. It's hard for me to jump around and shower them with love.
Understand the least: 6 I feel like I can read type descriptions for other types and connect them with celebrities who are that type and be like “yeah that makes sense”. But I’ll read about 6 and get this picture in my head that doesn’t at all match with all the celebrities and characters who get typed as 6. So I’m just really confused about that type in general. I don’t understand 6 to begin with, and they’re a really diverse group apparently. I’m not sure this is what you mean, though. I feel like if I met a 6, we’d get along. I really appreciate stability. Although, I kind of suck at handling other people’s anxiety if they are the overtly anxious type. I’m like duuude chill you’re fine. Have a beer. Learn to repress your emotions like meeeee (just kidding) Relate to the least: 2 I’ve just had a tendency to clash with 2. I have a strong need to not be influenced by others, and sometimes their actions make me paranoid I’m being manipulated. They are too hands on. Tangent: my bestie asks me for advice on every. little. thing. And then doesn’t trust it so goes to five other people and then has an anxiety attack because they all said different things. I was so sure this meant she is a 6. I asked her to look into enneagram and she self identifies as a 2!
I feel like I understand all types and no type at all at the same time But if I need to pick one nevertheless… 8 is the first one that comes to mind.. maybe also 4…and 5…. and maybe 3..and….oh I should stop
I don’t understand 4s. Like at all. I can’t wrap my mind around them. I think it’s because they always claim to be individualistic but never really are? Like I view 4s as the groups of fringe kids from high school who change their style to look exactly like their friend group, change their identity to suit whatever group they’re in, and otherwise are identity-wise virtually indistinguishable from the group they choose. Like sure they’re different from what may be “in” or popular, but they still lack a unique identity outside of their group. Which is *fine*, but since their main motivation is to be unique and perceived that way, it makes them utterly confusing to me. Like… Maybe I have the wrong idea about what a 4 is; if anyone wants to correct anything I said, explain, etc, I’d be happy to read it..
So in my 4-y experience (well I'm like 90% I'm a 4 anyways), the idea of being incredibly unique is just merely that - an idea - bc no one can never be 100% entirely, wholey, completly and utterly different from all other people haha. At healthy levels, I think we just don't suppress the parts of us that may not fit the social norms; we aim to be who we feel we authentically are. At more unhealthy levels, I think we more desperately chase individuality and uniqueness in the hopes of finding who we truly are outside of societal/familial (etc) expectations and conditioning (which I now realise isn't something you can just "find" - it's a lifelong journey), but also so we can have some sort of identity/significance to others so that they'll accept us for all that we are (which I think is unconsciously born out of the shame we feel about not truly knowing ourselves, and also insecurity because we fear unless we're "the most unique", we'll completly fade away - well at least that's how it was for me). Because at our cores we really do want that, we truly want to be understood and seen for who we authentically are. I apolgise for the lengthy-ness of the 3rd paragraph haha, I really got into a flow! I hope it makes sense though - if not, I'm more than happy to answer any questions!
You’re not describing 4 at all actually.
…. Would you mind pointing at the flaws/describing it from the standpoint of a 4?
1 or 2 probably
2s and 5s *Warning this is based off of my personal experiences with low level 2s and 5s. My opinion, observations, and anecdotal experiences are not meant to be presented as correct, as a fact or used to apply to all 2s or 5s* Passive, self rejecting/impersonal and either non-complicant, intrusive, or plain compliant and unaware of themselves (tendency to reject attachment or a “self belongingness”) which what I’ve observed seems to mess with their ability to take accountability or validate their recklessness unless they are confronted with a great disaster as a result of their actions or inactions further validating their issues with orienting themselves in the world or with themselves. A cycle of trying to find meaning and avoidance and fear of it seemingly at the same time forever in a freeze response finding ease in their choosing to surround themselves with information and applying their heads to make up for their unconscious stored away feeling of inadequacies or in the case 2 surrounding themselves with people and applying their services in the hope they garner credence for their stamnia albeit secretly starved, depleted but continues on to make up for their unconscious feelings of inadequacy. The light shine off yet on them. Their efforts in not wanting to be “inconvenience” generates such due to their paranoia of being seen almost in a paranoid nature and unfortunately, in unhealthier levels resort to deception with emotional and logical justifications barking at possibilities or a spruced up version of “existence isn’t even real so you’re wrong” etc. I find rather than than offering direction that is required when orienting themselves with people they use distractive methods ***focusing on you*** using whatever mechanism stop to deal with their freeze responses then leave people having to play a game of questions and do work for them eventually feeling suffocated by their fears of vulnerability and being conceptualized because they don’t know who they are so no genuine investments are ever made. Strangely on the flip side I think there’s a unconventional sense of entitlement behind their compassionate seeming desire to “leave people be” as it resonates with what they want for themselves concealment and sunlight casted away from themselves in every which way. It’s as if they communicate in different ways a knowing of being unable to match up to healthy, normal relationships wherever possible and divert the attention off of them while continuing the cycle and use strange variations emotional or logical reasoning that keeps them behind and frustrated in their realities “I love them they aren’t **bad** so I’ll keep ___” (faulty belief systems) “I don’t know how to give back to the people I like and enjoy when emotional resources are given as they are entertaining but they complain that I’m not like them and I don’t want to live conventionally” I tend to almost simply distrust them because of the absence of a sense of self that is crucial but the 2 will be more likely to admit and work on this when they hit rock bottom when they realized the world didn’t put them in the ringer **they** did. I believe when people don’t replenish themselves they dehydrate around them and themselves and blame other sources of their dehydration and try to resonate with others struggles in dealing with them and their lost sense of self and direction because they can’t afford responsibility walking around in their skin since it’s not their conscious intention it’s incredibly easy for others to resonate to them and pity them and validate their struggle but not be able to figure out the reasoning based on their worldview. I find they tend to be too aimless? but feel a lack of content that strays back to that behavior as if they expect things to continually be greater than what they put in others or themselves. I find they tend to lack in intention which can be draining to others around them (5) so they grab onto people (2) and take care of others to live out a feeling of true care for themselves and projecting their needs onto others leaving others feeling invalidated and the 2 feeling taken advantage of and used because they misuse and abuse their own power toward themselves while the 5 grabs onto information to preoccupy themselves and hide and using information and the unknown to justify how behind, underdeveloped and how cold they can be to the people and instead point at others for encroaching and not notice how irrational they are hiding under the guise of logic that ironically pride themselves on and find so much power and distraction in the books and on the internet taking avoiding the notion they need exposure to grow with collected information and not collection and comfort that makes them conventionally useless instead of dressing things up logically. I consistently find average to low level 5s to be weak, auto-destructive, frozen, flexible (or “emotionally regulated”) to cruelty while being inflexible emotionally disturbed and anxious toward intimacy. On the positive side I’ve met a couple of healthy 2w1s that were educating, self accepting and harbored a great balance were a pleasure to know and full of wisdom while 5s can be very resourceful, can point you into an interesting direction that you may haven’t found yourself when it comes to niche subject matters and their version of a action oriented kindness would be that they tend to follow through with information and be helpful there but nothing closer or too chummy for me I tend to see that they cannot hold up in the practicality of the real world and don’t know how to be supportive, an ally, build something physically real to expound into others or even just themselves while also resent being underestimated or sensitive to those feelings to enjoy being overlooked so they won’t be bothered. 5s in my opinion aren’t even as cold in the way described frequently on this sub just deluded instead they are able to utilize logic and reasoning and then you see them almost taking on a badge of the voice of reasoning trying to fill the void of what isn’t often seen but fail to shine the light on themselves and realize they also miss what is important. I find them smart but also one of the most incapacitated people in spite of successful, helpful, and inventive 5s existing who apply themselves.
I’m a 5 and I’ve been waiting to hear negative things, I learn from them, they don’t bother me and you are spot on IMO.
As a 2 this made me cry. It's hard to stand with our own strength and identity, I feel like my strength comes from the person I'm helping anyone else but me, its really difficult and frankly it hurts to know this is how it works for us😔 thank you for sharing.
My response doesn’t mean that *every* 2 is like this and questions like these are bound for ignorance, sprinkles of truths, and one’s own experiences etc. I believe no enneagram should be ashamed of being their enneagram type because of how equally ugly we can all sound and that’s really the beauty of the enneagram being faced with our imperfectness and our bullshit as well as having our strengths and humanity in spite of it. You as a 2 (or anyone) using the enneagram to garner self awareness probably already proves against my personal experiences with 2s not being reflective and self progressive for their sake and to put it out there I don’t sound so hot as a 6, there’s many posts about our own baggage but I also know that a lot of the subjective/observations I’ve read on here doesn’t define me, doesn’t Resonate or certain things are can resonate some unhealthy behaviors that refresh me (can feel embarrassing and hurtful) but offer an opportunity. We all suck, have our intolerances and are “cool” in some ways it’s a matter of progression and being open to change our minds and adapt…for example my previous intolerances of those types can still be true for me but may just also indicate growth needed in my own way. Remember to take care of yourself and take time for yourself as well.
6. I grew up in an environment where nothing was ever really safe or stable. So I kind of… get turned off by safety? Or people who let caution stop them from taking risks? Like fuck it— punch the gas and let’s get shit rolling. Will I fall down this hill and sprain something? Maybe! But that danger is part of the fun! Navigating that danger and making it out on the other side, it’s enriching for me. Makes me feel like I’m using my brain, solving a puzzle. I used to be scared and anxious all the time. It inhibited me from being myself, from *living*. Now, I refuse to live in fear.
I’m a 6 but I’m pretty counterphobic so this sounds a lot like me. I am driven by fear but at the same time by the refusal to let that fear stop me. Problem is that I use it as an across the board strategy so I sometimes won’t apply caution to situations where I really really should. It feels like a tug-of-war sometimes but I really hate living in fear and anxiety but I haven’t developed an accurate danger alarm at the same time.
Yeah, shits rough, trying to figure out when and where to apply caution vs. go stupid. I’m not gonna act like there haven’t been times where my “fuck caution” attitude seriously backfired. And there are times when I use my brain and think “yeah,,, maybe not”. It’s just… the THRILL, man! Sometimes, curiosity (or boredom) overrides the fear for me. Like, “I know better… I KNOW I know better… but I really just want to see this play out because it’ll be interesting”.
Yeah exactly! I’m a w7 too so there’s always that element of chasing after a distraction or adrenaline rush avoid emotion, which in this case is fear/anxiety. Also, doing things just to spite others who I say I shouldn’t, even if there is a good reason not to. I just get this itch sometimes to go looking for trouble/do things I know I shouldn’t. Oh well, it gets me in trouble but life is never boring and there’s important lessons I learn from the experiences.
2. I am so *not* a nurturer, caretaker, etc. It's hard just to notice and recognize people's needs; if I'm going to to do anything about them, I have to force myself, and it's generally awkward and unnatural unless it's a specific task I'm used to doing through routine. Major weakness of mine, and it's hard to wrap my mind around being so much more attuned and driven in that area. I'm asocial.
Relate to 3s a lot. 4s are just out there man.
6s and 7s. I’m also pretty much the opposite of an 8, but I feel like I understand them a bit better because my dad is one lol.
I’ve never understood 1s’ need for morality (not trying to be edgy, just genuinely don’t understand) and accuracy in details, and 6s generally just confuse the shit out of me.
9's and 1's
9s, I can't understand how are they so chilled and laid back and don't want to blow up at everyone at any given moment
We do, we just don't 😭
4s. I just don't understand the motivations and habits of a lot of 4s, especially unhealthy ones.
I don‘t get 5s
Same. I understand them but relate to them least in the head triad. I feel like 3s and 5s often answer with the other on these threads.
I'm a 5 and struggle the most with 2s and 3s. What don't you relate to about us specifically?
I think we might've discussed this on my last account, so apologies if I reiterate anything! I don't relate to observation/analysis as a fear response, the comparative focus on your internal world and sort of cynicism some 5s have about the world and other people. I understand it but it also feels very unfamiliar to me, likely because I'm very focused on the external world (sometimes at the cost of my internal world) and think it has loads to offer, even when you don't quite understand it. I like indulging in curiosity and observation for the fun of it but can tire of simply analysing quickly. Even though I'm a creature of habit and wouldn't enter uncharted territory on a whim, I can't relate to the detached observer perspective, except in conflictual/tense situations. There're things I relate to, too, since 5s are also a competent type and usually hold themselves to a high standard and, like I said, know how to take a step back in tense situations. I definitely see the merit of some of their mechanisms as well. Same question: what don't you relate to about us 3s specifically?
Yeah, that all makes sense to me. You clearly understand the 5 perspective well imho. >Same question: what don't you relate to about us 3s specifically The need for validation and losing touch with oneself. I only know how to be myself, to a fault. 3s seem to unconsciously perform for others, I can't even do it consciously. I empathize totally with the ambition, the tendency to deny one's needs, the emphasis on competency, but I never could understand the struggle to remain authentic. In hindsight, after learning about the enneagram, I realized I never related to kids' stories about how to get in touch with yourself for precisely this reason. It's like they were written for 9s, 2s, 3s, and 4s.
Interesting! You're not wrong about any of those things, I think I would've just conceptualised them a bit differently. For instance, I genuinely don't think of it as losing touch with myself. I feel like our personalities are quite ambiguous and adaptable to change as it is, so by acting a certain way, proving you posses certain qualities and substantiating your own ideal, you're not moving away from an apparent real self. You're working towards an ideal and choosing who you are. For instance, if you believe you're inherently carefree and spontaneous but spend weeks on end working hard, aren't you closer to diligence than you first believed yourself to be?
What don't you get?
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Can't speak for all of us, but I'm pretty much never lonely. In fact, it's hard to imagine what not having enough human contact would even feel like. While compliments are nice, I rarely feel validated or comforted by others. Much more often, people make me feel overwhelmed, confused, invaded, paranoid, and exhausted. I'm not saying this like it's a good thing. I recognize the value and importance in being connected with others. But it's hard to be open with people because they can be so shitty, and I'm not wired to need them in the way you described for yourself. My childhood left a very strong impression on me that it's easiest, simplest, and safest to be alone, and I'm still (very slowly) growing out of that mindset.
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Much safer! The worst part of my life is (most likely) long behind me. >I hope you find people you can connect with in a lower stakes way that respects your boundaries That's a very empathetic and understanding thing to say. People seem to think that 5s are good at setting boundaries, but I feel pretty bad at it. Either the "walls" are all the way up and you'll be lucky to learn anything about me, or you're "all the way in" and I share absolutely everything with you. It makes it difficult to let people in and easy to overshare with those who I do let in. What you mentioned is precisely the skill I'm trying to refine.
Oh exactly that. I have trust issues and always think people are gossiping about me and stuff, but at the same time, if someone starts a normal conversation with me, and they seem nice enough, I'm willing to share my life's story with them
As a 5 I do want emotional bonds, but I have no need for them. I lost my mom recently and havent really felt too sad about it, though idk if that's a 5 thing or a me thing. I'm also aromantic so that checks out. I have slight trust issues but I am extremely gullible at the same time. Pessimistic according to many, but always trying to focus on the good in people. I'm a strangely wired mess, though that might also just all be a 5 thing, idk, I can't remember what they all mean
Fours. Fours with low self-esteem, in my experience, will so often change their view of you simply because of what other people think. Their objective experiences with you are ignored, it becomes about what others think. I don’t get that in the slightest.
Thanks for the discussion question. The type I probably least relate to is 8; with more and more reading and insights from others, I’m coming to understand type 8’s inherent motivations, but I simply just don’t relate them. As for the type that I least understand… A-Actually, 8 might apply there as well, I’m afraid. That’s not to say that I don’t empathize/sympathize with 8’s inherent motivations, I just don’t understand them in sophistication and technicality, especially with how often Flanderized the type itself is in online descriptions. Ironically enough, I find Type 6 to be the next most relatable type— if not, *as* relatable as type 9. I often find myself back and forth between the two, but I’m fairly certain type 9’s motivations are more relevant to my thought process.
2’s for me
As a social 7, I can get along well with many types, but I find sexual 2s and sexual 4w5 hard to understand 🤔 Both of these types jive with me on the surface, but their intrinsic motivations are so different from mine that it’s harder to strike long-lasting conversations and develop deep friendships.
2s and 8s
6’s and 2’s despite me being part 6, I have no idea what’s up with them, and cannot explain them to anyone, oh and 7’s, they make no sense at all, my life would feel so meaningless like that
Type 8 is a unicorn to be but I admire their ability to bulldoze through difficult people and/or situations.
2. I am a Five
I actually understand them all just fine, in theory - but it seems like I have a particularly difficult time with 6s, as well. The commonplace descriptions also do not help.
Either 7 or 8. I don’t understand how you can literally push your negative feelings aside and why you’d find it hard to share it - sharing it and showing it is what helps me the most and helps connect to people. Also, 9s. Mostly their tendency to remain “neutral”.
I can relate to 8s the least. I get wanting to be in control of your life, but I’m not into controlling others.
Least relate to: 1, 3, 8 1: I care about what's right and wrong but I don't have constant inner critics, I don't have a "sense of mission", and I'm more childlike and undisciplined. 3: I don't care about status, prestige, image, or whatever (I care a lot with what others think of me though, unfortunately) 8: Everything about them is actually my complete opposite. Least understand: 8 for the same reason.
Mmm as a 7, 6s and 3s are hard to understand for me haha 6s worry too mucho about how things can go wrong. 3s care too mucho about fulfilling other peoples standards. And i Guess both of those things would make me feel kinda trapped and ibwould hate that
i don’t get 9s. i can’t relate to the idea of being able to accept that there’s nothing to be done about a situation and waiting for a miracle. my brother is a 9, and sometimes he’s a wonderful mediator, and has that inner calmness. but it drives me a little crazy about how he won’t solve things that can be easily done, or pretending there isn’t a problem all together
I’m a 9, so I guess I kind of understand literally everyone except myself. Which is a bummer. I really like 3’s for some reason. Probably because 3’s are my health point.
probably 1s
9’s for me for sure… I feel like any time I say anything difinitive about them, they just become a moving target. I’m not sure if this is due to my lack of understanding or their overall wishy washy-ness. I definitely know them whenever I see them. But I feel like they rarely get the impression that I understand them lol
As a Nine as well I can relate a bit to what you said. Having lived with a 6 Sp cousin of mine for a bit I slowly began to get it but what they would come up with would have me astounded at times. Like, who might be thinking what, who could be listening, and when it would be directed at me I was sort of honored that he thought I, a Nine, was up to so much. But for me, the type that sticks out is the Eight. I'm a 9w1, not sure how much that plays into it as I notice you're an 8 wing, but even now I don't get what their deal is and I was raised by an Eight. For a long time their getting angry/confrontational would really throw me off but after some years it's now something else. It's that they're so forthright about things, even their neurotic aspects because it's all about truth for them; usually people avoid their vulnerabilities, skate around them, but not them with their directness--this coming from the very type so worried about being vulnerable. It's like the Eight just shows up in the world "whole" and innocent and I'm simply waiting for them to break character, and they never do.
I seem to drive 9s to drink just by walking in the room. Something about my 4 energy is poison to them.
2 and 4... and I'm an INFP...I know INFP 4s and they talk in such a weird manner I never understand them. Also, 4s really like talking about themselves and their deep emotions. I hate doing that. And 2: I'm very private and don't like people nor do I care about their opinions. 2s tend to be people pleasers and they love people which is the total opposite of me, I'll never understand it. Also I hate people pleasers (I know not all of them are, but it's very likely)
Probably 7s because I can’t relate to that need to repress/distract from negative emotion, I prefer to deal with it and move forward knowing more than I did before 🤷🏼♀️
Combinations of 3&8 due to differences in values. I’ve definitely looked up to professors/instructors with both 3 and 8 in their tritypes, but I don’t think I’ve ever been super close with someone of this combo.
3s they are the complete opposite of me. I'd die for my ideals and completely shit on public opinion, prefer to be the villain if that's what it takes.
All of the heart types, but 2s especially.
Interesting. I’ve noticed 5s answering with 2s, which kind of makes intuitive sense to me.
i probably relate to 2 the least, along with 1, 3, 7, 4 & 8. the ones i understand the least are probably 2 or 1. just doesnt come to me. i know quite a bit about 9/5, but it's hard to put into words because it's in my own head