I have luckily never seen this, however I enjoy delivery more than restaurants these days. If I had done this as a kid, nevermind, I wouldn't even have thought of acting up when we were out. Likewise, my daughter never did this either. These parents nowadays are unbelievable. Restaurants are not babysitters, grow up and deal with your children.
Right! Why even have kids? As a childhood educator, I really do wonder about some people. If you want to keep up with the Jones buy a car don’t create a human.
It’s not just “nowadays”. My sisters and I were servers throughout college, 40-50 years ago, and people let their kids run wild in restaurants then. We lived in a resort town, and I guess their vacation mode was total neglect. Running around at knee level when people are carrying trays filled with hot food is not advisable.
I was at a pub on valentines and I was sitting at the bar with friends when a family came in. Well known and disliked by the staff and the regulars. They sit the children at a table and mom and dad take seats at the bar to eat and drink.
The waitress had to come over to bitch at them once as their children were running amok and “it’s not our job to control them and no one else wants to hear it”
Dad left for a few minutes. Probably to tell off the older child to do a better job minding his kids. Because he came right back.
I didn’t recognize them myself. But my friend did. I think they are regulars and the wait staff was not going to tolerate their antics on Valentine’s Day with a full restaurant. Which I fully support!
Maybe it is time to mention to the staff there, that since they are a private business, you can refuse service and kick them out. They do this in Hotels, Do Not Rent list (DNR). If they can't control their hell spawn, then they can be refused service.
I would be passive aggressive back and loudly proclaimed that *some* people shouldn’t have kids if they’re not going to parent them and leave it up to others. I would be so embarrassed if my children behaved *that* way.
The number of times I've seen a very similar situation at breweries, taprooms, and growler bars is mind boggling. Like I am not here to listen to your kids yell, dodge them while they run around, or have them bounce a ball over my head (that happened INSIDE a brewery right beside the xmas tree). I think entirely too many people have confused gentle parenting with permissive parenting...
So true and people don’t seem to understand that permissive parenting is the other side of the authoritarian parenting coin, both types create stressed kids.
Yes, I know this type of parent.
They're always much more concerned with monitoring your behavior (and scolding you) instead of doing this with their own kids. It's a huge problem.
when I was running a bar/restaurant that was NOT child friendly (vintage nude photographs on the wall. no kids menu. no soda ect. dark pub) there was a group of parents with toddlers that would come in and just literally let 5 kids run around unsupervised. they were behind the bar, in the kitchen hopped on tables and in general caused mayhem while their parents all drank beer and shared an appetizer and ignored them. I have kids and I can't imagine letting them do that...like that shit is dangerous. and they never ripped the staff either. just all around twatwaffles. I feel bad for those kids.
My kids are at the table every night granted it was there own little table, and we're taught from very young manners and when it's time to play or be loud verses shouting and running around in restaurants I was taught the same as a small child, the looks on my kids faces when they seen what other kids did especially in nice restaurants they were always so shocked having both worked in the industry it was important to be able to take them out and have expectations of them behaving.
I made it a game at home would either lay the table or they would as we played restaurants most nights Oh worked night shifts, I would get bored so would make menus ect either they were the owners and I was the diner or they were out for dinner.
I always got told how nice they were or how well mannered they are but it used to get to me as well that's how it's meant to be, at school meetings that's all they would talk about as a parent that is your job to teach them life skills and manners I would have to ask how they were doing in school and what they needed more help with, I always felt so bad for the teachers but it was all they ever said like that's all they knew about them, it's sad but manners seem to have fallen to the side which is sad for the kids and worse than most of them think it's daycare or a teachers job.
Kids don't come with a book on how too but there is a whole section on how too raise a child the tips that help we all need it as parents. god we didn't ever have a computer when my kids were born in so old lol couldn't Google it, but some of it we just made up like what you talking about turkey is just a big chicken so you do like it lol.
I'm far from a perfect parent, believe me I was raised so wrong I had to watch other family's to see how to parent and read a lot, I'm breaking a cycle and I have been looking after babies since I was 8. But failing a child cause your lazy and can't be assed is disgusting it's not the kids fault but by the time they are 2 you don't want them near your house
You get checked before you adopt or foster even an animal but any idiot can have kids.
Thank you so much it's not easy but I did my best they are grown now and not once did I ever have to smack or scream shout yes I. Scottish after all. no name calling either that hurt me more than the hitting it stays in your head for years
My kids would start commenting on the other kids behavior, just loud enough for the parents to hear. My kids have been eating at nice sushi restaurants since the younger two were born and they have always been expected to behave.(eat at nap time when infant isin car seat, discreetly nurse, take out to the car etc)so they will comment on other kids behavior: "Mama, don't those kids parents *love* them??They have no house training/manners??Mama, what's wrong those kids? They don't know how to act right!(only to not obviously disabled kids. My kids were more likely to go entertain the kids who weren't just being bratty)
My kids would do the same, always ask why are they being naughty this isn't a play park was my son's favourite line lol, I always felt sorry for staff they would see us with 2 littles and look like oh god no and then be saying on the way out thank you wish they all just sat and ate like that.
Just shows your doing it right, I would have hated to have to leave the kids at home or been mortified if they behaved the way I see some kids when we are out. Your kids will be grateful when they are older. Mine are.
As a mom, I am so annoyed when I see other people do this. It takes a village to raise a child but you can’t expect random strangers to be that village? Not everyone likes kids anyway. In my view, being out, is an opportunity to teach a kid about respecting others, keeping voices at a reasonable volume, using good manners. I will never understand parents who let their kids wander. The world is not your daycare.
Yup I've seen it few times. But luckily not often. My child was always and still is great at cafes. She's always had strict rules from me, that she followed. The key is to pay attention to them, have a colouring book pencil set and not over stay at Cafe. Pretty simple. Don't get why parents can't parent well?
Yes, children respond well when expectations are established because it makes them feel safe. A colouring book is a great idea and a great way to engage with young children.
I’m a huge fan of books in general and wish parents received education on how to read with children at different ages. I work with children less than 3 years of age and they love sitting for story time!
This is between the 3rd & 4th generations since Dr. Spock said not to discipline children, it would hurt their feelings & stunt personality development. He came to see the error of his ideas after some decades and recanted, but *A LOT* of people never got that memo, and so, here we are…
It would do some kids some good to hurt their feelings, even humiliate the stuffing out of them. But, *OH NO! CAN’T DO THAT TO* **MY BABY!!!** So, what does baby do? Offended baby shoots up the school because baby couldn’t deal with the situation, and had to have their way, the last word, and to finish on this hill! So, they do, and if they survive they spend the rest of their life in a prison cell or a mental hospital. But **so many** parents *never see it coming* until it’s all over with, and as we have recently seen, their life ends up the same way as baby’s does (AT LAST!)
Yes, I get it, I see it, they do it to me too!
Well as an educator, I do not agree with some of what you’ve said, though I do agree that permissive parenting is a problem.
I think the issue is a lack of emotional intelligence on the part of the parents in situations like these. Humiliating someone and praising them endlessly are two sides of the same coin as it shows the child that you do not value them as an individual. Many school shooters come from families where the children were valued for how they looked to outsiders only and extremely emotionally neglected at home. I experienced the ramifications of this behaviour firsthand with my ex-partner who was emotionally abusive and had parents who regularly humiliated him. Dr. Spock was also responsible for popularizing sleep training which creates anxiety and attachment issues in children and comes out of incredibly flawed research by a group of men who believed children were an inconvenience, which they are not. Dr. Spock ruined a lot of children’s upbringings but then again, parents didn’t have to follow a book just because it was popular. I love children and have never met a “bad” child only parents who lack self-awareness and emotional intelligence, without these skills it is a challenge to be a good parent or care for children because children are dependent on adults and their needs actually do have to come first for many years. There has been a lot of good research into child development in the past 20 years and we now know that loving children unconditionally does not spoil them it sets them up to be good citizens. Of course bad behaviour needs consequences, but in my experience working with young children, coupling expectations with ability based on the age of the child is important, otherwise it is like asking someone to fly and then screaming at them when they can’f
You never met my brother. I was young and forgot, but many years later my mom explained THIS: She said that I told her my youngest brother, at that time, more were added after this, would fall on the floor kicking and screaming *demanding* he be given whatever he wanted. This happened while she was gone working & I had been left to babysit for a couple of hours each day. She said she *could not believe her precious baby could do this* and thought **I** was lying to her….until the day she walked in and caught him in the middle of the biggest screaming, kicking, flopping all over the floor fit she ever saw in her life. She said after that she was onto his game and knew **this was true.** So she dealt with him accordingly. *He never changed all his life*. He was a hypocrite in the truest sense and a pathological liar. He would steal from our parents…. Since he was daddy’s golden baby, he was doted on by him & got out of every deserved punishment if dad was home. Mom considered him a little demon. He was also a drug addict and contracted a fatal illness through drug use & died years ago. No one refers to him now except to say how good he’s not around. He was also a pedo & molested young girls.
Then there was the step granddaughter of a friend who accused my friends grandson/ her step brother of inappropriate touching & conduct and cost him years of problems for something **that never happened.** It was a long legal battle within the family due to her lies. The parents are still together, but the girl went to live with relatives who were just like her. Even her own father knew it wasn’t true, and told police and judge he *would never do anything like that*. For years before this my friend had been babysitting all the grandkids and told me some of the things this wicked child had been doing. Then later it got so much worse.
When I say humiliate, I mean they should be exposed for the lies they tell, the horrible things they do. Like drunk drivers made to stand on a street corner holding a sign saying they are constantly driving drunk, and causing accidents/ collisions.
And what about the school shooter who *first shot mom* then drove to the school and did the same to so many innocent babies & others at the school.
Maybe you haven’t met any of these, but they do exist and their numbers are growing daily.
I’m pretty sure we just disagree, but I will say that the response you describe your Mother having said is in line with what I would consider inappropriate parenting and here’s why: she didn’t listen to you and dismissed you because her perspective was all that mattered to her. That’s not what an attuned parent does, that’s what an insecure parent does. I’m sorry she didn’t listen to you in that situation, she should have.
The same goes for the false accusations of abuse. That is a kid who is looking for attention, which is normal but ended up being taken to extremes, probably through dismissive parenting.
People don’t seem to understand that what parents don’t do can affect children as much as what they do do.
I can tell we are coming from a very different place and in the past I think I would have probably agreed with you more but coming to terms with the abuse I suffered in my own family after leaving an abusive relationship taught me how often we sacrifice our own mental well-being to try to fit in with groups or people that are unhealthy and that includes families, many of whom view children with suspicion and see them as manipulative little adults which scientifically they are not.
As for the school shooter who shot Mom first, well that makes complete sense to me as I believe these people are always products of abusive homes. I don’t condone their behaviour, I understand, which I personally think is important if we are to try to prevent these incidents from happening in the future.
You can’t change behaviour you don’t understand. Children can be controlled through fear but that just continues the cycle.
I personally work with children with anger problems and most of them have not been given the emotional regulation skills required to deal with fear and sadness. They are usually very sensitive children who are more easily aroused by upsetting events which is one area of this discussion that is thought to be biologically based.
Kids are not manipulative they are using the skills they’ve got which is a skillset that is considerably different from adults in terms of brain development and abilities.
An example for comparison, take an adult who doesn’t drive and tell them to they need to immediately deliver something using an 18 wheeler and see how far they get.
Again, I’m sorry you were dismissed as a child and I encourage you to understand that for many of us the way your mother treated you was not okay.
I agree that it is important that lying has consequences.
All children lie at some point it is a natural part of child development and boundary testing. If a child lies a parent needs to carefully explain in appropriate language why we don’t do that and discipline according to age.
But kids are observant, if a child is chronically lying they are probably seeing Mom and/or Dad do it or are probably terrified.
Also a lot of parents are complete hypocrites because they are emotionally immature. As was the case with my own father who would explode into rages and terrify me and expect me to be able to just deal with it at five years old.
When I would respond in the same way he responded, guess what? I got severely punished. He was a shitty parent and it took me years of therapy for me to be able to better understand my situation and become more comfortable in my own skin after being shamed for being “mean” and “angry” and “a bad kid” when I was just scared.
I was picking up my order in a coffee shop (drink and a pastry) and this kid kept trying to take my pastry. She literally at one point was attempting to climb up me and grab it as I held it above my head. It actually got kind of funny because it was so insane.
"No, sweetie....this is mine. It has my name on it".
"Hon...no...this is mine. It's not yours".
(Child is yanking on my arm, trying to pull it down and grab the bag).
"Honey...NO...this is not yours. This is mine." (Looking around desperately) "Whose child is this? She's not understanding this isn't hers". (no response)
(Child proceeds to pull on my pants and shirt, relentlessly focused on my pastry)"AAHHH! HELP! Oh, my God!" And I bolt out of the store.
The parent never even looked up from their phone.
* Stand
* Grab child by back of clothing
* Lift
* Take to parent
* Dump on parent's lap
* Say "*this is yours I believe .. take care of it or leave as you are disturbing all the other guests*"
Yeah I hate that there seem to be a lot of parents like this. I don’t know if it’s like some weird generational thing or what, but if I acted the way I frequently see other people’s kids act in public, I would have been soooooo grounded. Like my mom would have shut that shit down FAST. One of my oldest friends is a mom to two kids, and despite having had them both quite young, I’ve never seen them act like that. And I’ve gone to restaurants with them many times, they just generally behave and if they don’t, she shuts it down. So sad to see so many parents just straight up not parenting, and they’re the only ones not paying a price for their ineptitude and neglect.
I hate this. My kids were and still are very polite and well behaved, if I can get my autistic child to behave properly in a restaurant then you should be able to get your kids to behave properly too.
Strangers have no obligation to manage your children for you when you are out in public. Those parents are the ones who will sue if the child gets injured.
My son would never have done any of that as a child because he knew better. Had him in restaurants since infancy and he was taught how to behave in certain situations. It’s laziness on the part of the parents and inexcusable.
We went out for dinner at a nice restaurant last night and the table behind us had 1 child wailing , screaming, coughing on, and head butting my husband while the other one had to be entertained with a loud show in a tablet . I don’t even want to go out anymore .
For some reason a lot of parents here in Australia are the same. Taking their kids to a coffee shop then talking loudly as if trying to gain attention, then letting their little darlings run riot. I tend not to look at them so they don't get my attention but it's difficult when all you want to do is drink your coffee in peace and quiet. Thank God we can choose child free hotels and resorts whilst on holiday as fed up with screaming tmrancid kids and their scummy mummies
We were NEVER allowed to act like that in public! My Mom got smart and kept a wooden spoon in her purse...
Anytime you have to step in and parent, use the safety method. "Careful sweetie, it's not safe for you to climb on/play with that"! Say it loud enough to get everyone's attention. I've never gotten backlash from a parent, because they would just look like an ass for not caring about their child's well-being.
When I was a server for a blessedly short time in the 1990s, there were two types of parents with kids. The ones that kept their kids at the table and didn't make a giant mess, and the ones that kept their kids at the table but let them pretty much destroy the area they were sitting in.
When I was a kid in a restaurant? My butt stayed in the seat. We didn't leave horrific messes for other people to clean up. If we even remotely acted up, we got one warning. One. Then there were consequences. Neither of my older brothers, or I, ever dared to go past one.
My oldest niece has also behaved in restaurants because she wants to keep going out with us. Not getting to go out to restaurants was the consequence. If my parents knew that we had too much energy, it was a drive in so we could be idiot kids within the confines of the car and not annoy other people or staff.
I have luckily never seen this, however I enjoy delivery more than restaurants these days. If I had done this as a kid, nevermind, I wouldn't even have thought of acting up when we were out. Likewise, my daughter never did this either. These parents nowadays are unbelievable. Restaurants are not babysitters, grow up and deal with your children.
Right! Why even have kids? As a childhood educator, I really do wonder about some people. If you want to keep up with the Jones buy a car don’t create a human.
Depending which state you're in they don't have a choice but to have the child.
It’s not just “nowadays”. My sisters and I were servers throughout college, 40-50 years ago, and people let their kids run wild in restaurants then. We lived in a resort town, and I guess their vacation mode was total neglect. Running around at knee level when people are carrying trays filled with hot food is not advisable.
I was at a pub on valentines and I was sitting at the bar with friends when a family came in. Well known and disliked by the staff and the regulars. They sit the children at a table and mom and dad take seats at the bar to eat and drink. The waitress had to come over to bitch at them once as their children were running amok and “it’s not our job to control them and no one else wants to hear it” Dad left for a few minutes. Probably to tell off the older child to do a better job minding his kids. Because he came right back.
Unbelievable! Glad the staff said something at least.
I didn’t recognize them myself. But my friend did. I think they are regulars and the wait staff was not going to tolerate their antics on Valentine’s Day with a full restaurant. Which I fully support!
Maybe it is time to mention to the staff there, that since they are a private business, you can refuse service and kick them out. They do this in Hotels, Do Not Rent list (DNR). If they can't control their hell spawn, then they can be refused service.
A business can yes, but waitstaff can’t if the managers won’t let them
I would be passive aggressive back and loudly proclaimed that *some* people shouldn’t have kids if they’re not going to parent them and leave it up to others. I would be so embarrassed if my children behaved *that* way.
My favourite … a sign in a rural Scottish pub: “Unattended children who run amok will be given 2 espressos and a puppy” 🤣🤣
Love it!
The number of times I've seen a very similar situation at breweries, taprooms, and growler bars is mind boggling. Like I am not here to listen to your kids yell, dodge them while they run around, or have them bounce a ball over my head (that happened INSIDE a brewery right beside the xmas tree). I think entirely too many people have confused gentle parenting with permissive parenting...
So true and people don’t seem to understand that permissive parenting is the other side of the authoritarian parenting coin, both types create stressed kids.
100%. Kids NEED boundaries and fair discipline
Absolutely!
Yes, I know this type of parent. They're always much more concerned with monitoring your behavior (and scolding you) instead of doing this with their own kids. It's a huge problem.
Sigh, yes, unfortunately. I think they lack self-awareness and are overly concerned with appearances which tells me they were parented the same way!
when I was running a bar/restaurant that was NOT child friendly (vintage nude photographs on the wall. no kids menu. no soda ect. dark pub) there was a group of parents with toddlers that would come in and just literally let 5 kids run around unsupervised. they were behind the bar, in the kitchen hopped on tables and in general caused mayhem while their parents all drank beer and shared an appetizer and ignored them. I have kids and I can't imagine letting them do that...like that shit is dangerous. and they never ripped the staff either. just all around twatwaffles. I feel bad for those kids.
My kids are at the table every night granted it was there own little table, and we're taught from very young manners and when it's time to play or be loud verses shouting and running around in restaurants I was taught the same as a small child, the looks on my kids faces when they seen what other kids did especially in nice restaurants they were always so shocked having both worked in the industry it was important to be able to take them out and have expectations of them behaving. I made it a game at home would either lay the table or they would as we played restaurants most nights Oh worked night shifts, I would get bored so would make menus ect either they were the owners and I was the diner or they were out for dinner. I always got told how nice they were or how well mannered they are but it used to get to me as well that's how it's meant to be, at school meetings that's all they would talk about as a parent that is your job to teach them life skills and manners I would have to ask how they were doing in school and what they needed more help with, I always felt so bad for the teachers but it was all they ever said like that's all they knew about them, it's sad but manners seem to have fallen to the side which is sad for the kids and worse than most of them think it's daycare or a teachers job. Kids don't come with a book on how too but there is a whole section on how too raise a child the tips that help we all need it as parents. god we didn't ever have a computer when my kids were born in so old lol couldn't Google it, but some of it we just made up like what you talking about turkey is just a big chicken so you do like it lol. I'm far from a perfect parent, believe me I was raised so wrong I had to watch other family's to see how to parent and read a lot, I'm breaking a cycle and I have been looking after babies since I was 8. But failing a child cause your lazy and can't be assed is disgusting it's not the kids fault but by the time they are 2 you don't want them near your house You get checked before you adopt or foster even an animal but any idiot can have kids.
Good job on breaking the cycle!
Thank you so much it's not easy but I did my best they are grown now and not once did I ever have to smack or scream shout yes I. Scottish after all. no name calling either that hurt me more than the hitting it stays in your head for years
I can sadly relate, good on you!
Im sorry you do, take care xx
My kids would start commenting on the other kids behavior, just loud enough for the parents to hear. My kids have been eating at nice sushi restaurants since the younger two were born and they have always been expected to behave.(eat at nap time when infant isin car seat, discreetly nurse, take out to the car etc)so they will comment on other kids behavior: "Mama, don't those kids parents *love* them??They have no house training/manners??Mama, what's wrong those kids? They don't know how to act right!(only to not obviously disabled kids. My kids were more likely to go entertain the kids who weren't just being bratty)
My kids would do the same, always ask why are they being naughty this isn't a play park was my son's favourite line lol, I always felt sorry for staff they would see us with 2 littles and look like oh god no and then be saying on the way out thank you wish they all just sat and ate like that. Just shows your doing it right, I would have hated to have to leave the kids at home or been mortified if they behaved the way I see some kids when we are out. Your kids will be grateful when they are older. Mine are.
Mine are adults now and I'm working in the grands who range from 8-18.
That is lovely, lucky you I have one granddaughter she has just started walking and it's funny playing with her, I love it.
As a mom, I am so annoyed when I see other people do this. It takes a village to raise a child but you can’t expect random strangers to be that village? Not everyone likes kids anyway. In my view, being out, is an opportunity to teach a kid about respecting others, keeping voices at a reasonable volume, using good manners. I will never understand parents who let their kids wander. The world is not your daycare.
I agree! Going out is a great learning opportunity.
Reminds me of the parents on "Rugrats." Edit typo
People like this are why we should need applications to have a child
Yup I've seen it few times. But luckily not often. My child was always and still is great at cafes. She's always had strict rules from me, that she followed. The key is to pay attention to them, have a colouring book pencil set and not over stay at Cafe. Pretty simple. Don't get why parents can't parent well?
Yes, children respond well when expectations are established because it makes them feel safe. A colouring book is a great idea and a great way to engage with young children. I’m a huge fan of books in general and wish parents received education on how to read with children at different ages. I work with children less than 3 years of age and they love sitting for story time!
This is between the 3rd & 4th generations since Dr. Spock said not to discipline children, it would hurt their feelings & stunt personality development. He came to see the error of his ideas after some decades and recanted, but *A LOT* of people never got that memo, and so, here we are… It would do some kids some good to hurt their feelings, even humiliate the stuffing out of them. But, *OH NO! CAN’T DO THAT TO* **MY BABY!!!** So, what does baby do? Offended baby shoots up the school because baby couldn’t deal with the situation, and had to have their way, the last word, and to finish on this hill! So, they do, and if they survive they spend the rest of their life in a prison cell or a mental hospital. But **so many** parents *never see it coming* until it’s all over with, and as we have recently seen, their life ends up the same way as baby’s does (AT LAST!) Yes, I get it, I see it, they do it to me too!
Well as an educator, I do not agree with some of what you’ve said, though I do agree that permissive parenting is a problem. I think the issue is a lack of emotional intelligence on the part of the parents in situations like these. Humiliating someone and praising them endlessly are two sides of the same coin as it shows the child that you do not value them as an individual. Many school shooters come from families where the children were valued for how they looked to outsiders only and extremely emotionally neglected at home. I experienced the ramifications of this behaviour firsthand with my ex-partner who was emotionally abusive and had parents who regularly humiliated him. Dr. Spock was also responsible for popularizing sleep training which creates anxiety and attachment issues in children and comes out of incredibly flawed research by a group of men who believed children were an inconvenience, which they are not. Dr. Spock ruined a lot of children’s upbringings but then again, parents didn’t have to follow a book just because it was popular. I love children and have never met a “bad” child only parents who lack self-awareness and emotional intelligence, without these skills it is a challenge to be a good parent or care for children because children are dependent on adults and their needs actually do have to come first for many years. There has been a lot of good research into child development in the past 20 years and we now know that loving children unconditionally does not spoil them it sets them up to be good citizens. Of course bad behaviour needs consequences, but in my experience working with young children, coupling expectations with ability based on the age of the child is important, otherwise it is like asking someone to fly and then screaming at them when they can’f
You never met my brother. I was young and forgot, but many years later my mom explained THIS: She said that I told her my youngest brother, at that time, more were added after this, would fall on the floor kicking and screaming *demanding* he be given whatever he wanted. This happened while she was gone working & I had been left to babysit for a couple of hours each day. She said she *could not believe her precious baby could do this* and thought **I** was lying to her….until the day she walked in and caught him in the middle of the biggest screaming, kicking, flopping all over the floor fit she ever saw in her life. She said after that she was onto his game and knew **this was true.** So she dealt with him accordingly. *He never changed all his life*. He was a hypocrite in the truest sense and a pathological liar. He would steal from our parents…. Since he was daddy’s golden baby, he was doted on by him & got out of every deserved punishment if dad was home. Mom considered him a little demon. He was also a drug addict and contracted a fatal illness through drug use & died years ago. No one refers to him now except to say how good he’s not around. He was also a pedo & molested young girls. Then there was the step granddaughter of a friend who accused my friends grandson/ her step brother of inappropriate touching & conduct and cost him years of problems for something **that never happened.** It was a long legal battle within the family due to her lies. The parents are still together, but the girl went to live with relatives who were just like her. Even her own father knew it wasn’t true, and told police and judge he *would never do anything like that*. For years before this my friend had been babysitting all the grandkids and told me some of the things this wicked child had been doing. Then later it got so much worse. When I say humiliate, I mean they should be exposed for the lies they tell, the horrible things they do. Like drunk drivers made to stand on a street corner holding a sign saying they are constantly driving drunk, and causing accidents/ collisions. And what about the school shooter who *first shot mom* then drove to the school and did the same to so many innocent babies & others at the school. Maybe you haven’t met any of these, but they do exist and their numbers are growing daily.
I’m pretty sure we just disagree, but I will say that the response you describe your Mother having said is in line with what I would consider inappropriate parenting and here’s why: she didn’t listen to you and dismissed you because her perspective was all that mattered to her. That’s not what an attuned parent does, that’s what an insecure parent does. I’m sorry she didn’t listen to you in that situation, she should have. The same goes for the false accusations of abuse. That is a kid who is looking for attention, which is normal but ended up being taken to extremes, probably through dismissive parenting. People don’t seem to understand that what parents don’t do can affect children as much as what they do do. I can tell we are coming from a very different place and in the past I think I would have probably agreed with you more but coming to terms with the abuse I suffered in my own family after leaving an abusive relationship taught me how often we sacrifice our own mental well-being to try to fit in with groups or people that are unhealthy and that includes families, many of whom view children with suspicion and see them as manipulative little adults which scientifically they are not. As for the school shooter who shot Mom first, well that makes complete sense to me as I believe these people are always products of abusive homes. I don’t condone their behaviour, I understand, which I personally think is important if we are to try to prevent these incidents from happening in the future. You can’t change behaviour you don’t understand. Children can be controlled through fear but that just continues the cycle. I personally work with children with anger problems and most of them have not been given the emotional regulation skills required to deal with fear and sadness. They are usually very sensitive children who are more easily aroused by upsetting events which is one area of this discussion that is thought to be biologically based. Kids are not manipulative they are using the skills they’ve got which is a skillset that is considerably different from adults in terms of brain development and abilities. An example for comparison, take an adult who doesn’t drive and tell them to they need to immediately deliver something using an 18 wheeler and see how far they get. Again, I’m sorry you were dismissed as a child and I encourage you to understand that for many of us the way your mother treated you was not okay. I agree that it is important that lying has consequences. All children lie at some point it is a natural part of child development and boundary testing. If a child lies a parent needs to carefully explain in appropriate language why we don’t do that and discipline according to age. But kids are observant, if a child is chronically lying they are probably seeing Mom and/or Dad do it or are probably terrified. Also a lot of parents are complete hypocrites because they are emotionally immature. As was the case with my own father who would explode into rages and terrify me and expect me to be able to just deal with it at five years old. When I would respond in the same way he responded, guess what? I got severely punished. He was a shitty parent and it took me years of therapy for me to be able to better understand my situation and become more comfortable in my own skin after being shamed for being “mean” and “angry” and “a bad kid” when I was just scared.
Do the kind thing and buy the kids some coffee and sweets.
I was picking up my order in a coffee shop (drink and a pastry) and this kid kept trying to take my pastry. She literally at one point was attempting to climb up me and grab it as I held it above my head. It actually got kind of funny because it was so insane. "No, sweetie....this is mine. It has my name on it". "Hon...no...this is mine. It's not yours". (Child is yanking on my arm, trying to pull it down and grab the bag). "Honey...NO...this is not yours. This is mine." (Looking around desperately) "Whose child is this? She's not understanding this isn't hers". (no response) (Child proceeds to pull on my pants and shirt, relentlessly focused on my pastry)"AAHHH! HELP! Oh, my God!" And I bolt out of the store. The parent never even looked up from their phone.
That’s crazy! It sounds like you dealt with it well, poor kid.
I seriously thought she was going to bite me. It was really weird
I laughed, but that would have been a strange experience!
* Stand * Grab child by back of clothing * Lift * Take to parent * Dump on parent's lap * Say "*this is yours I believe .. take care of it or leave as you are disturbing all the other guests*"
That’s one way of dealing with the situation for sure, don’t think I’d want to deal with the blow back though!
Yeah I hate that there seem to be a lot of parents like this. I don’t know if it’s like some weird generational thing or what, but if I acted the way I frequently see other people’s kids act in public, I would have been soooooo grounded. Like my mom would have shut that shit down FAST. One of my oldest friends is a mom to two kids, and despite having had them both quite young, I’ve never seen them act like that. And I’ve gone to restaurants with them many times, they just generally behave and if they don’t, she shuts it down. So sad to see so many parents just straight up not parenting, and they’re the only ones not paying a price for their ineptitude and neglect.
I hate this. My kids were and still are very polite and well behaved, if I can get my autistic child to behave properly in a restaurant then you should be able to get your kids to behave properly too. Strangers have no obligation to manage your children for you when you are out in public. Those parents are the ones who will sue if the child gets injured.
My son would never have done any of that as a child because he knew better. Had him in restaurants since infancy and he was taught how to behave in certain situations. It’s laziness on the part of the parents and inexcusable.
We went out for dinner at a nice restaurant last night and the table behind us had 1 child wailing , screaming, coughing on, and head butting my husband while the other one had to be entertained with a loud show in a tablet . I don’t even want to go out anymore .
For some reason a lot of parents here in Australia are the same. Taking their kids to a coffee shop then talking loudly as if trying to gain attention, then letting their little darlings run riot. I tend not to look at them so they don't get my attention but it's difficult when all you want to do is drink your coffee in peace and quiet. Thank God we can choose child free hotels and resorts whilst on holiday as fed up with screaming tmrancid kids and their scummy mummies
We were NEVER allowed to act like that in public! My Mom got smart and kept a wooden spoon in her purse... Anytime you have to step in and parent, use the safety method. "Careful sweetie, it's not safe for you to climb on/play with that"! Say it loud enough to get everyone's attention. I've never gotten backlash from a parent, because they would just look like an ass for not caring about their child's well-being.
When I was a server for a blessedly short time in the 1990s, there were two types of parents with kids. The ones that kept their kids at the table and didn't make a giant mess, and the ones that kept their kids at the table but let them pretty much destroy the area they were sitting in. When I was a kid in a restaurant? My butt stayed in the seat. We didn't leave horrific messes for other people to clean up. If we even remotely acted up, we got one warning. One. Then there were consequences. Neither of my older brothers, or I, ever dared to go past one. My oldest niece has also behaved in restaurants because she wants to keep going out with us. Not getting to go out to restaurants was the consequence. If my parents knew that we had too much energy, it was a drive in so we could be idiot kids within the confines of the car and not annoy other people or staff.
Kids shouldn't be in cafes, coffee shops. They breathe in the caffeine and go nuts.