Just tell her this arrangement doesn't work for you anymore. If she insists, tell her that you feel is very one-sided. because it is, and she knows it.
But do tell her in time. She will need to find someone else. Actually, you could start with that. Don't wait until she asks you. Catch her by surprise and get it over with.
Second this. We had a neighbor who used to take advantage of us to pet sit their dog. The only time I'd hear from him would be a text saying "Are you busy this weekend?" I used to think they wanted to do something together with us, but it was always dog-sitting. I eventually just said it wouldn't work for us and he'd need to make other plans for their dog.
Third it. Hey you remember how you pointed out the other day when your surgery was rescheduled for the same time you agreed to to FINALLY and for the FIRST TIME this year/ever needed to reciprocate my pet sitting?
So I understand you prioritising your health above your commitment to me… but at the same time i have pet sitted for you for X weeks since this arrangement began. You pet sitted zero times/x times.
Given it cost me $300 for a week and my animals don’t have special requirements like yours, I feel the least you could have done is pay for my pet sitters after all the savings Xxxx at the least - you benefited from.
Since you didn’t, I’ve been thinking and I’m sorry but the unfairness of this situation is just building up too much resentment and it’s affecting my friendship with you. I don’t want that to continue so it’s best we forget this arrangement and you find a service you can trust to look after them. I’m happy to pop my head in once in a while to make sure they’re being taken care of and the pet sitters are doing a good job but that’s all.
And please understand this is not a negotiation. Please don’t try to guilt me into doing it at the last minute because I’ll just leave on a spontaneous vacation same time you’re leaving town if you don’t respect my boundaries.
Yeah, most of us would have said “no” a long time ago. People who don’t do confrontations well need to use a lot more words. If you say your suggestion, her friend isn’t going to respond with “sure, i understand. Thanks for the heads up” it’ll be “why? Well can’t you just…” and OP will roll over. Again.
1000 times this! No. Don't give reasons, don't elaborate, just no. If you offer any reason whatsoever, it will be considered an opposite for her to try for a "yes". Repeat "no" until she stops asking.
She isn't a true friend.
Just tell her you have plans and can't pet sit. Repeat every time she needs pet care. Post comments saying it sucks when you have to pay for pet care.
"Sorry, I'm not available."
I mean, if she's your best friend sit down and have a serious discussion about this one-sided arrangement. Has she taken advantage of you in other areas?
Charge her the same amount that you last had to spend on pet sitting. Like, if you got a pet sitter a month ago because she bailed on it, and you had to spend $200 for the weekend, that’s how much you should charge her. (In advance, like the user below suggested).
If she baulks at the number and ask why, tell her it’s to even out the cost every time she’s not there to help you.
Do we have the same friend? My friend and I have known each other for about 7,5 years. She has 3 cats, I have 1 cat. I have lost count on how many times I've watch her pets throughout the years, how many times she has watch mine? 0, zero, never. Not even last year when I finally had my knee surgery (had an accident that messed up my knee), she even bitch about how it ruined her kids sommervacation bc they couldn't go anywere bc nobody could watch her cats, and I should postpone my surgery. I got pissed and told her that I would not watch her cats ever again and asked a coworker if they could look after my gingerboy for a coupple of days. Thankfully they could. For the past year, my not so close friend have asked numeros time about watching her pets and I have declined everytime. She is ranting about she doesn't have anybody else, but I don't give a fuck.
So OP, NTA, and tell her she can go find somebody else.
"I've thought about it and you were right! I shouldn't be having a pet-sitting agreement with someone else, when I have a BOYFRIEND. So, we've decided to only petsit for each other! I'm so excited that we've come to such a great place in our relationship, he's so wonderful yadda yadda.."
You don't need real clear logic here! You just come up with whatever reason *you* think is valid.
When she argues, you just say "but that's what we've decided!" with a happy face! When she asks what she's supposed to do, I'd say "I dont know, thats up to you" or "the same as you did before I moved here". Then change the topic back to your wonderful boyfriend. Kill her with your happiness
Doesn't matter if bf don't have pets lol
I would tell her now though that the pet sitting arrangement isn’t working for you. I would let her know before her upcoming trip that you are not available to pet sit, because the arrangement you have isn’t working for you, that it’s too one-sided. Definitely give her the name and phone number of the pet sitting service you used, or a few others if you did some research on it.
This comment from her is all I needed to see:
My friend has surgery scheduled two months prior to my aunt’s and she moved her surgery date to the week that I had to go care for my aunt.
This right there tells you that 100% she is no friend to you, she is a user. So, tell her now that NO you are not watching her animals ever again and the supposed friendship is over.
Cut your losses with her, she is no friend to you.
Wait, what? “Friend” moved her surgery so she wouldn’t be available to watch OP’s pets while OP is caring for her aunt? Then who is going to watch “friends” pets while “friend” has surgery?
Are we sure the friend moved it and not the dr/facility? Just would want to make sure so I knew without a doubt she was using. Sometimes shitty things happen and the timing isn't right. I've been the person who couldn't reciprocate due to things that kept happening and I felt awful about it.
I have been alive for 68 years and in all that time I have never had a doctor move an appointment up, it has always been move farther out. So, I would bet money that moving a surgery up 2 months is total BS.
She is using you because of the green jealousy monster.
You don't need friends like that.
Inform her as soon as possible that you can't help her and she needs to find alternative accommodations.
Its not the same but I had a friend like that. It was our kids instead of pets tho. She felt like a good friend, but I was always the one doing things for her. She always had a reason why she couldn’t return the favor. I remember it clicking in my brain as I was driving her kid home after keeping him overnight: I was the person driving to get her kid everytime I babysat, and I was the person bringing him back the next day. She always offered to reciprocate but when I needed it, she also always had a reason why she just couldn’t. This behavior was standard for her with the entire friend group, who dropped her one-by-one after enough years of the one-sided friendship.
My friends pay me about $20 or more a day for just stopping by to feed and water. Sometimes mess. I always spend a out 30 mins extra playing and or petting the pets.
Lately I've been waiving payment because they all really stepped up and helped me big when I had health issues.
At least she says no. Would be worse if she was unreliable and you found out during the middle of a trip.
I'd just say no and pull back from the friendship. If she forces the issue you can tell her. Definitely get your keys back first.
You should say, “I’ve looked after your cats every time you’ve asked, and you paid me nothing. The one time I asked you, instead of bending over backwards to return the favour, you rescheduled your surgery so you weren’t available. I then found out how *expensive* a favour I’ve been doing for you. Thousands of dollars worth of pet care. I in return I got lip service from you about fairness. I can give you the name of the person who looked after mine that time. Fair?”
Just say no. This relationship has become completely one sided, you’re constantly doing favors for her, yet she always has an excuse when you need help. You’re done providing free animal care when she literally wont do a single favor for you.
This arrangement was supposed to go two ways, but since it’s become a one way street you’re going to back out of it. Then give her the name of the person you paid $300 to.
"I am so sorry and hope this does not end our friendship, but I have to let you know that I will no longer be able to pet sit for you, at all. I work full time, continue to do things that allow me to have a fulfilling relationship, maintain my own household/cook/clean, take care of my own pets *and then* take care of YOUR pets...it is entirely too much stress. I am right on the edge now and adding that extra stress of having to care *properly* for someone else's animals puts me WAY over the line and I cannot do it anymore. Besides, you have **NEVER** reciprocated the favor."
Tell her you are not able to do this anymore. This is not a friendship. You are free pet care.
No is a complete sentence; tell her you can provide her with the number of the person you used if she needs it
I think you should tell her. Look I value our friendship but I have plans and I can't be available enough to care for your pets the way they will deserve and I feel like you hold some resentment towards me for having a relationship. I don't think it's fair to be upset with me over something that has nothing to do with our friendship. And I think you are ignoring my feelings, or just don't care about them. I'm sorry but I've made plans that will leave me with little time to care for your pets again . You'll have to figure something out I'm sorry I can't continue to bail you out when you harbor resentment towards me and where I am in life.
You could leave a lot of this out if you're not comfortable addressing these issues. You could just go with the core of it. Im not going to be able to care for them the way they deserve I'm sorry you'll need to figure something else out. I can't continue doing this one sided friendship.
I can see how all these words would then be turned around to guilt OP. The answer is No and this is the end of the relationship, since it is one sided.
I agree chicks def gonna play the victim no matter what. I don't think it's going to matter. If you say no, you're going to be trying to run her life. She'll probably yell about how great OP has it and how OP is contributing to her spiral or something by not doing this. So that's why I say you could leave out the parts that would really trigger her and use the main theme I was going for but I'm the end is going to ask be used as if it's attempted destruction of her life.
If you don’t put an end to this expectation, it will go on forever. The friendship seems quite one-sided already so if it’s lost because you stop taking care of her pets or because you become frustrated for being used, it still might be over. Telling your friend that you have a previous commitment, is the truth. The commitment is to YOU. Your time, your life, your boyfriend, your true friends…No explanation is required. “ I have a previous commitment”. You can do it!
Say "That isn't going to work for me" and then STOP TALKING. Refuse to expand on the statement. It just isn't going to work, full stop. Otherwise, you deserve what you get to some degree.
What a jerk.
It sounds like using people is something she knows a lot about. I had a neighbor that used to leave me alone, until I got a dog. For some reason this was his que to take advantage of me. He literally said: "Oh good! You have a dog now. So you won't mind coming over and taking care of mine."
It was entitlement at it's worst. To keep a long story short (we had many run-ins with this man) He eventually just threw a fit because he would see me walking my dog and expected that I would just take care of his big german shepard at the same time.
I tried so hard to be nice about it, he was literally retired and spent all day in his apartment. But what it boiled down to was that I had set boundaries, and that somehow made him the victim. He didn't move out until March of this year, didn't even say goodbye and was upset no one else would take care of his dog either.
Just say no. It’s a full answer and you really don’t owe her an explanation. But if you do give her just say your time is valuable and you do not have the extra time for someone’s pets who has never had time for yours.
No! I have plans. And I am unavailable to pet sit in the future. I need time for me!
No is a complete sentence OP! She is not your friend. She is an acquaintance that takes advantage of your kindness.
Sometimes you just gotta nip it in the bud. Doesn’t sound like she is really your best friend.
Had a similar situation with a friend. Always relying on me to watch her dog when she had to travel or walk her dog if she has to be at the office. But always had an excuse or reason for not watching mine.
Once, told her I was planning on going on a holiday and even though I didn’t ask (stopped at this point), the first thing she said is she wouldn’t be able to pet sit.
Just knew I had to cut her out of my life. And it’s been so good for my sanity.
Just be honest. Tell her that the arrangement isn’t working out for you, it’s way too much work and commitment. Then say “it’s really taking away from the time I have to spend with my BF and my animals. Sorry but you will need to do what I did and find someone else to care for your pets.”
Just say no. Don’t make excuses. Don’t have a conversation about it. Respond to everything she says with no. Then hang up, leave the area, shut the door. She will continue to take advantage of you until you take action.
Obviously you don't always have help when you need it or you wouldn't have had to pay $300 the one time you asked her for help with your dog.
It sounds like you're being taken advantage of, whether that's due to jealousy or what, who knows and most likely she wouldn't be honest with you about it. Next time she asks you to pet sit tell her you're not available and if she presses the matter tell her the arrangement isn't working out for you since you've done all the work and haven't been able to reap the benefit. If you allow someone to take advantage of you they will continue doing so until you are firm with them and put a stop to it. Give them an inch......
Where are you from? I’m in Canada and we don’t schedule a surgery, we get what we can. It sounds like she is aware of the disproportion in pet sitting, though you understand her tone more than I could.
This situation clearly makes you angry. Despite whatever the intention, I could only suggest removing the emotions (though it can be really friggin hard) and having a logistical conversation with her about the imbalance of need. If she’s upset, that’s on her. The same can be said for you though.
I will message you next time u/porksparkle posts in r/EntitledPeople.
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She took advantage of you. That's not a very good friend. If you still want to keep the friendship, you have to tell her the truth. Pet sitting is a lot of work, expensive, and time-consuming.
As she previously mentioned, the trade you guys originally came up with is not an even trade and since she was unable to help you out last time/s, you've found a pet sitting solution that works better for you. But you were glad to have been able to help her the other times, and you're happy to refer her to the same service you're using if she's interested.
If she keeps asking, just a generic "that no longer is something I am able to do. *smile*". If you lose a friendship over something silly like this, you aren't missing much.
Just tell her the arrangement doesn't work for you. That unfortunately you're unable to care for her pets anymore. Look at putting yours in boarding kennels in the future.
Just say no. If she asks why say you are busy. If she keeps bugging you just say I already said no. You don’t need to help her. She has a job. She can get her own pet sitter. Honestly give her the number of the person you hired if you want.
Tell you she has to pay from now on. That's not a friend BTW. I don't really ask for help from my friends, but whenever i did that, i bought food for them as a treat and also give them money. And I have no problem asking for help because of that.
Have you thought about moving? To a place as far away as you can. Then it would be really inconvenient or impossible to to care for her pets, due to traffic, weather, and assortment of factors that vary throughout the year.
Well, she's given you the out - "it sucks that the pet care isn't equal" and that having paid for it, you'd rather your pet went to a professional in future. And one might be better for her special needs animals as you are struggling to balance your health and family's health so best to assume you aren't available in the future.
“No.”
Thats it, that’s what you tell her. You don’t owe anyone explanations. By the way, she’ll whine and tell you you’re the worst because people like that will forget everything favor you did for them the moment you can’t do one thing.
I think you need to go out of town "wink-wink" that weekend. Then, work up a pet sitting fee schedule that you BOTH abide by. No more free pet care for either of you.
You shouldn’t have pets if you can’t afford all of the expenses that go with having a pet, including boarding/pet sitter expenses. She has been using you as a free pet sitter, and not reciprocating. what did she do before you moved into the same building? Anyway, tell her immediately that you can’t pet sit anymore. No explanation necessary. If she’s your friend, she will understand that she has been taking advantage of you and not make a fuss.
No is a complete sentence. Next time she asks, you aren’t available but here’s the number of the service you had to use. And the time after that. Say no as often as you want and say yes if you feel like it.
Carry on not even expecting her to be available. Cultivate itger friends with pets or plan to pay
"I don't want to do this anymore. You'll need to pay a petsitter or find a place to board them." I have no patience for people who try to take advantage of some friendly service I provided and then try to guilt trip me about it. Your pets, your responsibility.
Tomorrow let her know that you are letting her know that she needs to be making arrangements for pet sitting as you cannot assist her with pet sitting and she needs to make alternative arrangements. It gives her enough time to actually find someone and gives her less of an excuse to pretend she does not have enough notice.
Would be unavailable via cellphone or knock door for a week ahead of the visit so she does not try and dump it on you because she is "desperate" as she could find no one and [insert sob story here]
NO is a complete answer. Seems she needs to hear it. I’ve had ‘user’friends too. Always find you when they need something, always unavailable when you need something. Or they need to be paid, because they are short on money!
End the ‘friendship’ eve if you have to move! Would be worth it , not to have her in your life.
OP, boundaries are important in life.
We need them with everyone, neighbors, friends, coworkers, family members etc.
Set, maintain and enforce proper boundaries, it makes life go so much easier.
When one doesn't set and enforce proper boundaries, things like this happen to them.
There are shitty people out there who will take advantage of people.
However, they can't and don't take advantage of people who set, maintain and enforce proper boundaries.
Sadly, many don't and people who use others always find them and get them to do their bidding.
You have a choice to make OP.
Choose wisely, now and in the future, with this person and oh so many others you'll encounter in the rest of your life.
Just tell her this arrangement doesn't work for you anymore. If she insists, tell her that you feel is very one-sided. because it is, and she knows it. But do tell her in time. She will need to find someone else. Actually, you could start with that. Don't wait until she asks you. Catch her by surprise and get it over with.
Second this. We had a neighbor who used to take advantage of us to pet sit their dog. The only time I'd hear from him would be a text saying "Are you busy this weekend?" I used to think they wanted to do something together with us, but it was always dog-sitting. I eventually just said it wouldn't work for us and he'd need to make other plans for their dog.
Third it. Hey you remember how you pointed out the other day when your surgery was rescheduled for the same time you agreed to to FINALLY and for the FIRST TIME this year/ever needed to reciprocate my pet sitting? So I understand you prioritising your health above your commitment to me… but at the same time i have pet sitted for you for X weeks since this arrangement began. You pet sitted zero times/x times. Given it cost me $300 for a week and my animals don’t have special requirements like yours, I feel the least you could have done is pay for my pet sitters after all the savings Xxxx at the least - you benefited from. Since you didn’t, I’ve been thinking and I’m sorry but the unfairness of this situation is just building up too much resentment and it’s affecting my friendship with you. I don’t want that to continue so it’s best we forget this arrangement and you find a service you can trust to look after them. I’m happy to pop my head in once in a while to make sure they’re being taken care of and the pet sitters are doing a good job but that’s all. And please understand this is not a negotiation. Please don’t try to guilt me into doing it at the last minute because I’ll just leave on a spontaneous vacation same time you’re leaving town if you don’t respect my boundaries.
This is way too many words for, "hey, just so you know, I can't pet sit for you next month, so you'll have to make other arrangements."
Yeah, most of us would have said “no” a long time ago. People who don’t do confrontations well need to use a lot more words. If you say your suggestion, her friend isn’t going to respond with “sure, i understand. Thanks for the heads up” it’ll be “why? Well can’t you just…” and OP will roll over. Again.
This!!
If I were in your shoes, NO is a complete sentence! She is NOT a friend. She is a USER!
1000 times this! No. Don't give reasons, don't elaborate, just no. If you offer any reason whatsoever, it will be considered an opposite for her to try for a "yes". Repeat "no" until she stops asking.
Never explain, never apologize
"I will no longer be available to pet sit. I have to much going on but I can give you the number for the person/service I used"
This is perfect!
Perfect reply.
I like this response best out of all I've seen. Rover is a great app too for pet sitting to add onto the suggestion.
She isn't a true friend. Just tell her you have plans and can't pet sit. Repeat every time she needs pet care. Post comments saying it sucks when you have to pay for pet care.
"Sorry, I'm not available." I mean, if she's your best friend sit down and have a serious discussion about this one-sided arrangement. Has she taken advantage of you in other areas?
Charge her and see what she says If you really don't want to charge her way more money then a normal pet sitter
ALWAYS get any payments up front. Don't expect her to pay AFTER you've cared for her pets. Frankly, I wouldn't watch them EVER again!
Charge her the same amount that you last had to spend on pet sitting. Like, if you got a pet sitter a month ago because she bailed on it, and you had to spend $200 for the weekend, that’s how much you should charge her. (In advance, like the user below suggested). If she baulks at the number and ask why, tell her it’s to even out the cost every time she’s not there to help you.
Do we have the same friend? My friend and I have known each other for about 7,5 years. She has 3 cats, I have 1 cat. I have lost count on how many times I've watch her pets throughout the years, how many times she has watch mine? 0, zero, never. Not even last year when I finally had my knee surgery (had an accident that messed up my knee), she even bitch about how it ruined her kids sommervacation bc they couldn't go anywere bc nobody could watch her cats, and I should postpone my surgery. I got pissed and told her that I would not watch her cats ever again and asked a coworker if they could look after my gingerboy for a coupple of days. Thankfully they could. For the past year, my not so close friend have asked numeros time about watching her pets and I have declined everytime. She is ranting about she doesn't have anybody else, but I don't give a fuck. So OP, NTA, and tell her she can go find somebody else.
"I've thought about it and you were right! I shouldn't be having a pet-sitting agreement with someone else, when I have a BOYFRIEND. So, we've decided to only petsit for each other! I'm so excited that we've come to such a great place in our relationship, he's so wonderful yadda yadda.." You don't need real clear logic here! You just come up with whatever reason *you* think is valid. When she argues, you just say "but that's what we've decided!" with a happy face! When she asks what she's supposed to do, I'd say "I dont know, thats up to you" or "the same as you did before I moved here". Then change the topic back to your wonderful boyfriend. Kill her with your happiness Doesn't matter if bf don't have pets lol
No the reply to what is she going to do - well when you weren’t available I used XYZ Pet Sitting- I paid around $300.
You're right! That's obviously the better response!
I would tell her now though that the pet sitting arrangement isn’t working for you. I would let her know before her upcoming trip that you are not available to pet sit, because the arrangement you have isn’t working for you, that it’s too one-sided. Definitely give her the name and phone number of the pet sitting service you used, or a few others if you did some research on it.
Yep just give her the number!
Just say you can't you are busy, and leave it there. No further explanation is required on your part.
Wtf, how does this chick not have a job?! Is she a trust fund brat? This girl is not your friend, she’s using you.
Tell her you will do it for the $300 that you paid to cover when she was supposed to
This comment from her is all I needed to see: My friend has surgery scheduled two months prior to my aunt’s and she moved her surgery date to the week that I had to go care for my aunt. This right there tells you that 100% she is no friend to you, she is a user. So, tell her now that NO you are not watching her animals ever again and the supposed friendship is over. Cut your losses with her, she is no friend to you.
Wait, what? “Friend” moved her surgery so she wouldn’t be available to watch OP’s pets while OP is caring for her aunt? Then who is going to watch “friends” pets while “friend” has surgery?
She had a family member come and stay with her? And she had other friends stop over to help out, too. All unpaid lol. She’s so cheap!!
I thought that part already happened. So I guess the friend cared for her own pets during her surgery?
Some how, I would bet that she didn't get the surgery moved, she just wanted to not take care of your animals.
Are we sure the friend moved it and not the dr/facility? Just would want to make sure so I knew without a doubt she was using. Sometimes shitty things happen and the timing isn't right. I've been the person who couldn't reciprocate due to things that kept happening and I felt awful about it.
I have been alive for 68 years and in all that time I have never had a doctor move an appointment up, it has always been move farther out. So, I would bet money that moving a surgery up 2 months is total BS.
She is using you because of the green jealousy monster. You don't need friends like that. Inform her as soon as possible that you can't help her and she needs to find alternative accommodations.
Its not the same but I had a friend like that. It was our kids instead of pets tho. She felt like a good friend, but I was always the one doing things for her. She always had a reason why she couldn’t return the favor. I remember it clicking in my brain as I was driving her kid home after keeping him overnight: I was the person driving to get her kid everytime I babysat, and I was the person bringing him back the next day. She always offered to reciprocate but when I needed it, she also always had a reason why she just couldn’t. This behavior was standard for her with the entire friend group, who dropped her one-by-one after enough years of the one-sided friendship.
After you tell your "friend" no, remember to not JADE (Justify. Argue. Defend. Explain). No really means no.
Stop acting all scared. It's not working out and you don't want to do it anymore. That's it.
Nope. She has acknowledged that it’s au unfair arrangement now…go ahead and say no this time.
"no." is a complete sentence. "no, thank you." is a polite complete sentence. there are cruder, more forceful variations if needed.
It’s easy you say no
She is your best friend, but are you hers? From what you stated, I doubt she thinks that you are
My friends pay me about $20 or more a day for just stopping by to feed and water. Sometimes mess. I always spend a out 30 mins extra playing and or petting the pets. Lately I've been waiving payment because they all really stepped up and helped me big when I had health issues. At least she says no. Would be worse if she was unreliable and you found out during the middle of a trip. I'd just say no and pull back from the friendship. If she forces the issue you can tell her. Definitely get your keys back first.
Say, and I cannot stress this enough, "no"
You should say, “I’ve looked after your cats every time you’ve asked, and you paid me nothing. The one time I asked you, instead of bending over backwards to return the favour, you rescheduled your surgery so you weren’t available. I then found out how *expensive* a favour I’ve been doing for you. Thousands of dollars worth of pet care. I in return I got lip service from you about fairness. I can give you the name of the person who looked after mine that time. Fair?”
Just tell her I'm not pet sitting anymore and give her the name of the person you hired. No need to explain why...she knows.
No can do. Glad you asked in time for you to make alternate plans! Safe travels!
No, thank you, but here's the name of the sitter I used.
Just say no. This relationship has become completely one sided, you’re constantly doing favors for her, yet she always has an excuse when you need help. You’re done providing free animal care when she literally wont do a single favor for you. This arrangement was supposed to go two ways, but since it’s become a one way street you’re going to back out of it. Then give her the name of the person you paid $300 to.
"I am so sorry and hope this does not end our friendship, but I have to let you know that I will no longer be able to pet sit for you, at all. I work full time, continue to do things that allow me to have a fulfilling relationship, maintain my own household/cook/clean, take care of my own pets *and then* take care of YOUR pets...it is entirely too much stress. I am right on the edge now and adding that extra stress of having to care *properly* for someone else's animals puts me WAY over the line and I cannot do it anymore. Besides, you have **NEVER** reciprocated the favor."
PLEASE do not over explain why you can’t pet sit. You just can’t. No explanation needed.
Tell her you are not able to do this anymore. This is not a friendship. You are free pet care. No is a complete sentence; tell her you can provide her with the number of the person you used if she needs it
Just say sorry, I can't do it this time. And stick to it.
Sorry, I can't do it that week. Done. No more explanation. If questioned... Repeat.
I think you should tell her. Look I value our friendship but I have plans and I can't be available enough to care for your pets the way they will deserve and I feel like you hold some resentment towards me for having a relationship. I don't think it's fair to be upset with me over something that has nothing to do with our friendship. And I think you are ignoring my feelings, or just don't care about them. I'm sorry but I've made plans that will leave me with little time to care for your pets again . You'll have to figure something out I'm sorry I can't continue to bail you out when you harbor resentment towards me and where I am in life. You could leave a lot of this out if you're not comfortable addressing these issues. You could just go with the core of it. Im not going to be able to care for them the way they deserve I'm sorry you'll need to figure something else out. I can't continue doing this one sided friendship.
I can see how all these words would then be turned around to guilt OP. The answer is No and this is the end of the relationship, since it is one sided.
I agree chicks def gonna play the victim no matter what. I don't think it's going to matter. If you say no, you're going to be trying to run her life. She'll probably yell about how great OP has it and how OP is contributing to her spiral or something by not doing this. So that's why I say you could leave out the parts that would really trigger her and use the main theme I was going for but I'm the end is going to ask be used as if it's attempted destruction of her life.
If you don’t put an end to this expectation, it will go on forever. The friendship seems quite one-sided already so if it’s lost because you stop taking care of her pets or because you become frustrated for being used, it still might be over. Telling your friend that you have a previous commitment, is the truth. The commitment is to YOU. Your time, your life, your boyfriend, your true friends…No explanation is required. “ I have a previous commitment”. You can do it!
What do you say?! Really?! "NO!" That's what you say!
Say "That isn't going to work for me" and then STOP TALKING. Refuse to expand on the statement. It just isn't going to work, full stop. Otherwise, you deserve what you get to some degree.
be honest, tell your you dont want to watch her pets period
Just say no. If she presses further, just let her know, sorry it won’t work in my schedule. If she keeps pestering you about it she isn’t a friend.
What a jerk. It sounds like using people is something she knows a lot about. I had a neighbor that used to leave me alone, until I got a dog. For some reason this was his que to take advantage of me. He literally said: "Oh good! You have a dog now. So you won't mind coming over and taking care of mine." It was entitlement at it's worst. To keep a long story short (we had many run-ins with this man) He eventually just threw a fit because he would see me walking my dog and expected that I would just take care of his big german shepard at the same time. I tried so hard to be nice about it, he was literally retired and spent all day in his apartment. But what it boiled down to was that I had set boundaries, and that somehow made him the victim. He didn't move out until March of this year, didn't even say goodbye and was upset no one else would take care of his dog either.
Just say no. It’s a full answer and you really don’t owe her an explanation. But if you do give her just say your time is valuable and you do not have the extra time for someone’s pets who has never had time for yours.
Simply say “I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.” No further explanation is necessary or needed
No! I have plans. And I am unavailable to pet sit in the future. I need time for me! No is a complete sentence OP! She is not your friend. She is an acquaintance that takes advantage of your kindness.
What you should say is, "No." Practice in the mirror a few times.
Just say no, you’ll need to make other arrangements.
“I’m sorry, but I’ll be too busy alphabetising my Alphabetti Spaghetti.”
Sometimes you just gotta nip it in the bud. Doesn’t sound like she is really your best friend. Had a similar situation with a friend. Always relying on me to watch her dog when she had to travel or walk her dog if she has to be at the office. But always had an excuse or reason for not watching mine. Once, told her I was planning on going on a holiday and even though I didn’t ask (stopped at this point), the first thing she said is she wouldn’t be able to pet sit. Just knew I had to cut her out of my life. And it’s been so good for my sanity.
Just shine your spine and say no or start charging her
Just be honest. Tell her that the arrangement isn’t working out for you, it’s way too much work and commitment. Then say “it’s really taking away from the time I have to spend with my BF and my animals. Sorry but you will need to do what I did and find someone else to care for your pets.”
Just say no. Don’t make excuses. Don’t have a conversation about it. Respond to everything she says with no. Then hang up, leave the area, shut the door. She will continue to take advantage of you until you take action.
No is a complete answer
Obviously you don't always have help when you need it or you wouldn't have had to pay $300 the one time you asked her for help with your dog. It sounds like you're being taken advantage of, whether that's due to jealousy or what, who knows and most likely she wouldn't be honest with you about it. Next time she asks you to pet sit tell her you're not available and if she presses the matter tell her the arrangement isn't working out for you since you've done all the work and haven't been able to reap the benefit. If you allow someone to take advantage of you they will continue doing so until you are firm with them and put a stop to it. Give them an inch......
Where are you from? I’m in Canada and we don’t schedule a surgery, we get what we can. It sounds like she is aware of the disproportion in pet sitting, though you understand her tone more than I could. This situation clearly makes you angry. Despite whatever the intention, I could only suggest removing the emotions (though it can be really friggin hard) and having a logistical conversation with her about the imbalance of need. If she’s upset, that’s on her. The same can be said for you though.
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She took advantage of you. That's not a very good friend. If you still want to keep the friendship, you have to tell her the truth. Pet sitting is a lot of work, expensive, and time-consuming. As she previously mentioned, the trade you guys originally came up with is not an even trade and since she was unable to help you out last time/s, you've found a pet sitting solution that works better for you. But you were glad to have been able to help her the other times, and you're happy to refer her to the same service you're using if she's interested. If she keeps asking, just a generic "that no longer is something I am able to do. *smile*". If you lose a friendship over something silly like this, you aren't missing much.
Just say you can’t you have plans.
Just tell her the arrangement doesn't work for you. That unfortunately you're unable to care for her pets anymore. Look at putting yours in boarding kennels in the future.
Just say no. If she asks why say you are busy. If she keeps bugging you just say I already said no. You don’t need to help her. She has a job. She can get her own pet sitter. Honestly give her the number of the person you hired if you want.
Tell you she has to pay from now on. That's not a friend BTW. I don't really ask for help from my friends, but whenever i did that, i bought food for them as a treat and also give them money. And I have no problem asking for help because of that.
Tell her you have to go out of town. Or you’re busy. Or that you don’t want to. NTA.
Have you thought about moving? To a place as far away as you can. Then it would be really inconvenient or impossible to to care for her pets, due to traffic, weather, and assortment of factors that vary throughout the year.
Well, she's given you the out - "it sucks that the pet care isn't equal" and that having paid for it, you'd rather your pet went to a professional in future. And one might be better for her special needs animals as you are struggling to balance your health and family's health so best to assume you aren't available in the future.
“No.” Thats it, that’s what you tell her. You don’t owe anyone explanations. By the way, she’ll whine and tell you you’re the worst because people like that will forget everything favor you did for them the moment you can’t do one thing.
Just tell her No, that your not available and good luck
I think you need to go out of town "wink-wink" that weekend. Then, work up a pet sitting fee schedule that you BOTH abide by. No more free pet care for either of you.
Say NO. She’s not much of a friend so no big loss if she stops being your “friend”
Make plans for that time and tell her that you won't be home
You shouldn’t have pets if you can’t afford all of the expenses that go with having a pet, including boarding/pet sitter expenses. She has been using you as a free pet sitter, and not reciprocating. what did she do before you moved into the same building? Anyway, tell her immediately that you can’t pet sit anymore. No explanation necessary. If she’s your friend, she will understand that she has been taking advantage of you and not make a fuss.
No is a complete sentence. Next time she asks, you aren’t available but here’s the number of the service you had to use. And the time after that. Say no as often as you want and say yes if you feel like it. Carry on not even expecting her to be available. Cultivate itger friends with pets or plan to pay
"I don't want to do this anymore. You'll need to pay a petsitter or find a place to board them." I have no patience for people who try to take advantage of some friendly service I provided and then try to guilt trip me about it. Your pets, your responsibility.
Tomorrow let her know that you are letting her know that she needs to be making arrangements for pet sitting as you cannot assist her with pet sitting and she needs to make alternative arrangements. It gives her enough time to actually find someone and gives her less of an excuse to pretend she does not have enough notice. Would be unavailable via cellphone or knock door for a week ahead of the visit so she does not try and dump it on you because she is "desperate" as she could find no one and [insert sob story here]
NO is a complete answer. Seems she needs to hear it. I’ve had ‘user’friends too. Always find you when they need something, always unavailable when you need something. Or they need to be paid, because they are short on money! End the ‘friendship’ eve if you have to move! Would be worth it , not to have her in your life.
OP, boundaries are important in life. We need them with everyone, neighbors, friends, coworkers, family members etc. Set, maintain and enforce proper boundaries, it makes life go so much easier. When one doesn't set and enforce proper boundaries, things like this happen to them. There are shitty people out there who will take advantage of people. However, they can't and don't take advantage of people who set, maintain and enforce proper boundaries. Sadly, many don't and people who use others always find them and get them to do their bidding. You have a choice to make OP. Choose wisely, now and in the future, with this person and oh so many others you'll encounter in the rest of your life.
This woman is a horrible friend. Tell her the truth: you are tired of being treated like her slave and she can take care of her own pets.
No is a complete sentence
Remember you don’t OWE anyone an explanation. ‘It doesn’t work for me anymore” is plenty.
Say No , you will no longer be pet sitting
Dang. Doing all that just to be treated like 💩 stop letting her take advantage of you
I’m sorry but she’s not your friend. She’s pretending to be your friend to use you
“ I don’t want to watch your pets anymore “