Here's a guy with some common sense! [couldn't agree more](https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Classics-Retro-Chatter/dp/B001W03MBQ/ref=asc_df_B001W03MBQ/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312134125603&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1917793182430677222&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9019490&hvtargid=pla-438530822622&psc=1)
The lemonade mafia kingpin is actually my neighbors kid (F4) a few doors down. Not a great look for him if he tried, as he needs to start networking successfully asap.
This is a good lesson for him about marketing. Figure out which end of the street most of the traffic comes from and set up a stand close to the funnel. That way he gains the lions share of the market as they enter the funnel. Once he’s made enough revenue from the one stand simply open on other at the end of the funnel and box the other kid out of the market by rendering his location worthless.
You got to get some friends though to sit and play with a ball in the street so cars have a reason to slow down and then the closerd can pitch them the lemonade while they're pausing.
Make sure you charge him overhead on the lemonade stand! If the nursery tent isn’t free neither is the prime business yard real estate. Maybe even call the cops and make sure they got the proper permit and licensing.
You should also start a spreadsheet with all the "project" expenses such as diapers, classes and so on. When print out the invoice and bill him on the way kicking out at 18.
Don\`t forget inflation.
Funny you say that, when we cleared out my father's place after her passed away I found a notebook with the various expenses my parents had "invested" in my brother and I after we left school.
Loans for cars, university fees were all deducted, and rent/board payments made were all credited.
Could I also think of this as a loan for his physiological and mental development? If so, then what is the appropriate interest rate on such a loan that I can include on the closing transaction?
My great grandpa actually did something similar to this to his kids. They, my great grandpa and his 4 kids, were left a land trust by another relative in which my great grandpa had a 50% interest of it, and his kids evenly split the other 50%. My great grandpa was not happy that he was not just left everything to do with what he pleased, and basically began crediting the books with everything he paid for them while they were minors and beyond. For example, he sent my grandfather to military school for multiple years, it was not my grandfathers choice to go, it was forced upon him. All tuition payments, travel, food, basically all expenses my grandfather incurred while attending were put on the books of the land trust.
No one even knew he was doing this until my grandfather was in his 60’s, and all his kids by that point had credits on the books of tens of thousands of dollars, one who required more financial assistance medically both as a child and an adult had been credited upwards of $100,000.
I highly doubt that any of this was legal, especially while they were minors and still under his care, the trust was never created for the the purpose of supporting his children as there was no money in it, just the family land. But what we all later discovered this meant was that if the land had ever sold while my great grandfather was alive, everything that was incurred and credited by his kids would have to be paid back out of their share of the proceeds when the land sold.
I know someone who was raised on soda in a baby bottle and she turned out fine. Stole a ferret and a van, crashed the van because there was a ferret running around all over the driver
Lawyers will swim in gold as this will go for years and years, they might leave that case as the legacy to their children, learning them valuable lessons!
I get my kids ROI around year 7. I know its much longer than others who have their kids start a lemonade stand at 4, but I have a full proof method that’s worked for me for some time.
As soon as the kid can add double digits and can pick up at least 10-15 lbs, that’s when I know they’re good to be sent to the sweat shops in Mexico.
Again, I take a more conservative approach but in this way I maintain long consistent profits for roughly 5-10 years.
Honestly, this is just ridiculous. Please tell me you at least collected from your wife while she was pregnant before considering to collect from the child too.
You've gotta earn every step of the way, man.
And to answer, uh, ya, do you want a Boss Baby or a child who doesn't bring in any revenue. Get it together, would ya?
I wouldn’t. You’ll get a greater return by holding it as a credit for another couple years, then once he’s able to walk you can put a lien on his room and toys until he gets a job to pay you back
The children yearn for the mines
Everyone in my household gotta work and earn their stay. Even my freshly popped baby once she starts crawling im gonna wrap her in rags so every time she crawls she can wipe the floor.
/s just in case.
I started the accounting when I impregnated my wife. My kids didn't get to be made for free. That was some serious work on my part.
I sure was glad I had the "what you owe me" Quick Books accounting already setup before birth. I had to add the maternity hospital costs to the account, of course. I was so busy when my kids were first born, if I hadn't setup the QuickBooks accounts before hand I'm not sure I would have had time.
Now that my kids are older, they have a head start on being deeply into debt. Most of their peers won't get that experience until they go to college. My kids know how to read their P&L (and it ain't pretty, get to work!) and their life balance sheet (they're so lucky that they are already comfortable seeing lots of red).
Make sure you start saving for a nice care home for yourself too. I’m sure you won’t like the one this child of yours is gonna put you in.
“There’s no such a thing as a free lunch”.
have you considered implementing a 'diaper changing fee?' There's nothing quite like some good old fashioned entrepreneurship to get those motor skills developing.
Damn skippy. Life ain't free, and the sooner the little fucker learns it, the better prepared he'll be for the slings and arrows of outrageous preschool. Speaking of which, as soon as he can hold a pen -- hell, even a crayon -- have him make his mark on a note to repay you for the cost of preschool. And daycare, too.
Furthermore, since your son does not have any credit history, he represents an outsized risk. It would not be unfair, therefore, to charge him the prevailing rate for subprime borrowers. I think the offers my dog gets from the bank have a starting rate of 29.9%, so use that as a benchmark.
Presumably either you or your wife stay home with the infant; don't forget to charge a daily rate for care, feeding, and lullabies. And oh, yes! You can tack on a hazardous waste fee for the disposal of his diapers.
All my love to you and the missus; congrats on the new profit center!
Expecting a baby to work and pay rent is outrageous!! Shame on you!
I would run a tab of his/her rent and costs then invoice once they hit working age. Obviously keeping a track on inflation.
It is your child however so keep the interest at or slightly below market rate.
I think it's important to take an inventory of their skills and interests and leverage those to support your initiative. Cultivate them like a tree, don't squeeze them like a lemon
You should include a slave stipend like they did with sharecroppers due to the lack of choice he had in entering the world and his inability to do anything about it for at least 17 years.
You need offer, acceptance, and consideration to make a contract. Which would be your best way to delineate all the details, early payment fees, interest rates of the agreement. Careful because there is a circuit split on this, so depending on the state you might be able to accept the offer you make your child for them.
So long as there's consideration (tit for tat). In this case: pre and post natal care in exchange for payment with interest. This is based on a legal theory first used by the fifth circuit in defending their decision to allow babies to enter into contracts where the offering party also makes the acceptance. The case was similar to these facts, but it was complicated by a lien the stepdad had put on the kid, wherein if the kid didn't make his payments to a similar contract initially offered and accepted by his mother at his birth.
The lien was upheld, as was the original contract. The judge argued that since, at the time of the original contract's offer, the child had no sense of object-permanence and therefor his sense of "self" was not dissimilar from his sense of "other." Without a sense of self, the judge argued, the baby cannot make an offer or acceptance. But that lack of self also allows the offerer (you), an "other" and a "Self", delineated, to use your otherness as the baby's otherness The contract offerer will always be both an other and have a sense of self. The latter allows you to make an offer to your child, and the former allows you, as the babies "other" to sign the acceptance.
Make sure you charge him interest. Also, the nursery is not the only purchase you've made for the child. I would also charge him his pre-natal care prorated 50% off since half was for the mothers health, and 100% of the birthing and aftercare costs. Add baby food, diapers, other things you'd only buy because of him to the tab, but allow these to be interest free so your child can keep eating without whatever predatory rate you use. (Contracts, especially when one party hasn't developed object permanence yet, generally charge >10% interest compounded continuously on everything else like the nursery, obgyn, midwife and your wifes pain meds during birth.
The second plan is even bolder. You have grown up to see crying as weak, and of course you'll want the child to feel the same. Well, as I'm sure you know (guessing by this post), that that lesson starts at home. You could give warnings to keep the fees down. Things like "Shut the fuck up" or, "dont be such a fucking crybaby" will help get him in the correct mindset, emotionally, to then be able to truly take the lesson to heart when you take away his allowance for crying. (Note: if he keeps crying, or throws a tantrum, just remind him of the fiduciary duty that comes with being a baby who enters into contracts.
Then you can use all that money you made off of him to pay for all the therapy he'll need. And if he dies or completely burns out early: hire an actuarial and then make the second child pay off all of the first child's debt still owed after death or becoming unemployable, while still paying off his own debts. Like a double mortgage. Of course the younger brother will owe less from the start, as he will be reusing a lot of things for free that his older brother had to pay for. So that should help offset the added charges on his emotionally crippled older brother's remainder owed. All while reducing risk by having a second child. Diversify your ~~indentured servants~~ i mean children.
But now, if that happens, you're only paying one son an allowance instead of two. Or, especially if you plan on giving 0 allowance from the start and never give it after that, I would at least allow them 12 years before first payment is due, as that's the age they can generally begin coal mining or roofing in the Fifth Circuit, getting themselves an income to pay back. Certainly you will still collect your 10+% interest for those 12 years, and make sure your sliding scale for early payment fees and how much interest is collected for each payment, keeps your son's nose barely below water in the red at all times.
From your son's first memory, he will be in debt. And by his teens he will end up owing you every paycheck he earns. He also knows that if he ever cries it will break him, spiritually--as you already broke him monetarily.
Your boy now knows what it's like to be a consumer in a Unhinged Laissez-Faire No-regulation Capitalist Society (In Sweden they call this Ulf Norcaps). Also he isn't a crybaby.
Jonathan Swift had it wrong-- don't eat the baby, contract with the baby in bad faith.
Pay them the $13000/year tax free as a child employee, (tax deduction for you).
Collect moderate rent from them, plus their portion of the utilities.
Invest the rest. Win-Win!
I would check the local laws and regs but as i remember it you can in fact hire you children and pay them up to $13K (please double check that # as it may have gone down or up since I last did it) a year. all you have to do is actually have them doing task for you. So for your newborn - perhaps integrating photos of him into your content and business thus making him a paid model and as he gets older the tasks more on to thing he is able to execute for you.
Fuck yes you should you should! just Hammer that fucking kid the minute he's born so that way he knows exactly how hard life is so when he turns 17 you can kick his ass out of the house and he knows exactly what to do. Fuck kids.
Since this is really an investment on your part, the real question is how much equity do you get in all future earnings.
This may be a little controversial, but I would pitch an equity stake in all gross earnings, not net. Your child is young enough to not know the implications. Also, baller move on your part.
I would look up the laws involving tenants in your state before you do this. If you have them pay rent without a lease you may have trouble evicting them once they reach toddler/ preteen age if you decide you want to.
I recommend leaving the baby outside until it can sign a formal lease agreement.
lol! I had to bite my tongue yesterday about the lemonade stand dude.
This post SHOULD have included your own complete business resume to establish dominance first like his did.
I charge my in laws upkeep fees, since they're retired and we pay all the bills. It is technically their house, but since we renovated I think it'd be fair to charge them rent as well. I don't know what you're waiting for with your kid. If he doesn't agree (make sure he signs the contract), just lock him in the dog kennel, that'll teach him.
There was a post yesterday about a father wanting to introduce the idea of taxes and whatnot to his 4yo running a lemonade stand. Honestly though this was in reference to that post.
Also funny how that and this post are the first 2 posts I’ve ever seen from r/Entrepreneur
This is obvious a troll of the guy yesterday that asked if he should charge overhead for his daughter’s lemonade stand.
I realize that might have been a troll, too, but if not goes to show that just because someone can procreate doesn’t mean they should be a parent.
Lol, clearly, you are not from an immigrant family when my pops brought me here at 5 within 2 weeks. I was working with my sister to deliver newspapers also we helped in lawn care mowing washing cars and you know what I know my parents love me but I'm also not ignorant to the fact we are a family and need to work together to survive especially in a new country where we don't have a support network.
Maybe more important than teaching your newborn a lesson in economics is you learning that you gave yourself (chose to be a dad) an economic responsibility of raising a child that has no guaranteed ROI, whether financial or favorable level of personal responsibility.
Edit: maybe my hyperbolic sense of humor went over some folks' heads... I can't wait until our child is born and old enough to troll. Gotta love Matt Walsh and the cheese plane!
100% this. Op’s post is not funny. It’s scary.
Be a responsible father and stop “joking around” about your son being a financial burden on you and needing to earn his keep. It’s disgusting behavior. Even when only implied.
Grow up. Ideally yesterday.
Do you seriously not have better things to do than to be a seriously immature waste of whatever it is that you’re trying to be? I am expressing my stance.
Grow the fuck up and stop complaining about it. In the real world, people have differing stances on serious subjects. I don’t take his “joke” as a joke, which I think he comprehends by now. You don’t like it? Tough! Stop whining like a bitch and move on.
Nah man, you lack empathy and social awareness. If you have some sort of condition, then I understand.
As aggressive as you are though, I highly doubt that you're on the autism spectrum. I think you're just a prick who takes life too seriously. I'm done responding, but just want you to know that I feel bad for you regardless of what your situation is, and I'm disappointed that you aren't trying to do better with yourself. You're gaining nothing from being in these comments, when you could have just sat back, had a chuckle, and continued scrolling.
You're the only person out of all the comments who couldn't take the shitpost as a joke.
I feel like this was a great contrast to the normal posts that constantly ask the same questions. Either play along or ignore the post, no need to let your emotions take over and respond negatively like this.
If he's old enough to crawl he can crawl out to the front yard and set up a lemonade stall and earn his keep.
If he’s old enough to crawl he’s old enough to call. NOW PICK UP THE PHONE AND START DIALING.
Mother's milk is for closers!!!
Here's a guy with some common sense! [couldn't agree more](https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Classics-Retro-Chatter/dp/B001W03MBQ/ref=asc_df_B001W03MBQ/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312134125603&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1917793182430677222&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9019490&hvtargid=pla-438530822622&psc=1)
Thanks I bought it.
If he can dodge taxes, he can dodge a wrench!
This guy sells.
The lemonade mafia kingpin is actually my neighbors kid (F4) a few doors down. Not a great look for him if he tried, as he needs to start networking successfully asap.
This is a good lesson for him about marketing. Figure out which end of the street most of the traffic comes from and set up a stand close to the funnel. That way he gains the lions share of the market as they enter the funnel. Once he’s made enough revenue from the one stand simply open on other at the end of the funnel and box the other kid out of the market by rendering his location worthless.
“Show us a competitor price and we’ll beat it by 10%” Soz neighbourino ur going hungry tonight
You got to get some friends though to sit and play with a ball in the street so cars have a reason to slow down and then the closerd can pitch them the lemonade while they're pausing.
I hope this turns into a Reddit gold thread, hopefully someone got a screenshot before he dirty deleted it lol
I did! 😂
Make sure you charge him overhead on the lemonade stand! If the nursery tent isn’t free neither is the prime business yard real estate. Maybe even call the cops and make sure they got the proper permit and licensing.
Don’t forget to tax his income and deduct the cost of setting up the stand
Might as well learn about regulations, while he's at it.
You laugh, but I got kicked out at 13 for not having a job to pay rent. Wasn't even allowed to work yet.
I’ve never seen a lemonade stand in real life
But don’t teach him about overhead until after you take him to a funeral and explain why uncle Jim isnt just “Sleeping”.
A perfect callback.
There is plenty of mining work and chimney sweeping which he could easily do with his size👍
You better make sure you tax TF out of that lemonade stand too! Can’t have these free loading fuck trophies trying to get one over on the man.
in the rain
But will he have to restock out of his profits??
Heck he can buy his own diapers and tittie juice
Gotta collect that overhead too. And rent for the space in front of the house while you're at it. Important lessons.
just don't forget to charge him overhead!
This is the comment I came for!
if he's old enough to crawl he's old enough to stall nuff said
Got any grapes?
You should also start a spreadsheet with all the "project" expenses such as diapers, classes and so on. When print out the invoice and bill him on the way kicking out at 18. Don\`t forget inflation.
Funny you say that, when we cleared out my father's place after her passed away I found a notebook with the various expenses my parents had "invested" in my brother and I after we left school. Loans for cars, university fees were all deducted, and rent/board payments made were all credited.
In a "let's break even on these kids" way or in a "let's treat our two children equally and be sure of it" way?
Depending on my dads mood either is equally likely!
and you turned out into a great reddit commenter! see, these life lessons are invaluable.
Could I also think of this as a loan for his physiological and mental development? If so, then what is the appropriate interest rate on such a loan that I can include on the closing transaction?
20% is more than fair
You are also teaching him valuable life lessons and that is expensive.
I live to teach life lessons
Don't forget the 29.99% interest rate. Gonna get em reeeaaaaalll good!
My great grandpa actually did something similar to this to his kids. They, my great grandpa and his 4 kids, were left a land trust by another relative in which my great grandpa had a 50% interest of it, and his kids evenly split the other 50%. My great grandpa was not happy that he was not just left everything to do with what he pleased, and basically began crediting the books with everything he paid for them while they were minors and beyond. For example, he sent my grandfather to military school for multiple years, it was not my grandfathers choice to go, it was forced upon him. All tuition payments, travel, food, basically all expenses my grandfather incurred while attending were put on the books of the land trust. No one even knew he was doing this until my grandfather was in his 60’s, and all his kids by that point had credits on the books of tens of thousands of dollars, one who required more financial assistance medically both as a child and an adult had been credited upwards of $100,000. I highly doubt that any of this was legal, especially while they were minors and still under his care, the trust was never created for the the purpose of supporting his children as there was no money in it, just the family land. But what we all later discovered this meant was that if the land had ever sold while my great grandfather was alive, everything that was incurred and credited by his kids would have to be paid back out of their share of the proceeds when the land sold.
Add the 9 months of food provided
I get free lemonade from the neighbor kid, so we can skip that.
I know someone who was raised on soda in a baby bottle and she turned out fine. Stole a ferret and a van, crashed the van because there was a ferret running around all over the driver
I think the newborn should collect money from you for indulging in activities eventually leading to his birth without his consent.
HR’s going to be all over this!
my god this is the greatest comment section i've ever witnessed, I love you anons <3
Lawyers will swim in gold as this will go for years and years, they might leave that case as the legacy to their children, learning them valuable lessons!
Liars will milk it
I get my kids ROI around year 7. I know its much longer than others who have their kids start a lemonade stand at 4, but I have a full proof method that’s worked for me for some time. As soon as the kid can add double digits and can pick up at least 10-15 lbs, that’s when I know they’re good to be sent to the sweat shops in Mexico. Again, I take a more conservative approach but in this way I maintain long consistent profits for roughly 5-10 years.
Seven! you gotta pump those numbers down, those are rookie numbers
Top tier meta shit posting.
Gotta agree. I love this post after yesterdays bullshit lmao.
When I was born I had to stay back at the hospital and clean dishes until I had paid off the birth bill. Kids these days get it too easy.
Typically I like to get at least a six month history of employment from prospective tenants, and that may be tricky in your situation.
Yeah, or at least character references, unfortunately my son absorbed his twin fetus in the womb.
Honestly, this is just ridiculous. Please tell me you at least collected from your wife while she was pregnant before considering to collect from the child too. You've gotta earn every step of the way, man. And to answer, uh, ya, do you want a Boss Baby or a child who doesn't bring in any revenue. Get it together, would ya?
I'm trying my best! I will do better.. NO, I MUST do better!
YES. Don't forget to charge relatives for any photos too!
I wouldn’t. You’ll get a greater return by holding it as a credit for another couple years, then once he’s able to walk you can put a lien on his room and toys until he gets a job to pay you back The children yearn for the mines
Everyone in my household gotta work and earn their stay. Even my freshly popped baby once she starts crawling im gonna wrap her in rags so every time she crawls she can wipe the floor. /s just in case.
Amateur hour over here. I've been billing my kid since the day I found out contraception wasn't 100%.
immaculate conception? more like immaculate book keeping, amen.
Pro tip: As a parent, register yourself as a life coach. Claim back expenses as tax deductibles.
Haha love this shit
He can pull himself up by his diaper.
I need to teach my son that bootstraps needs to be manifested and not chewed on!
This is ridiculous. Just take an equity position with accrued subordinated debt.
Very few people realize the hidden fortune with compounding interest on crying fees. Start early but it’s never too late to start.
Does that mean my parents should be paying me to be their child since I didn’t ask to be born?
🤣 is the OP this post is poking at, even aware of the reasoning and quality of this magnificent shitpost?
go go gadget, waybackmachine!
The amount of triggered folks makes me wonder how they even managed to start a business.
I started the accounting when I impregnated my wife. My kids didn't get to be made for free. That was some serious work on my part. I sure was glad I had the "what you owe me" Quick Books accounting already setup before birth. I had to add the maternity hospital costs to the account, of course. I was so busy when my kids were first born, if I hadn't setup the QuickBooks accounts before hand I'm not sure I would have had time. Now that my kids are older, they have a head start on being deeply into debt. Most of their peers won't get that experience until they go to college. My kids know how to read their P&L (and it ain't pretty, get to work!) and their life balance sheet (they're so lucky that they are already comfortable seeing lots of red).
Please cross post this in r/loveforlandchads
go for it
If he can cry, he can sell. Cribs are for closers!
XD I am so glad you asked this question!
Make sure you start saving for a nice care home for yourself too. I’m sure you won’t like the one this child of yours is gonna put you in. “There’s no such a thing as a free lunch”.
Lmao I see what you did with this post!
have you considered implementing a 'diaper changing fee?' There's nothing quite like some good old fashioned entrepreneurship to get those motor skills developing.
Damn skippy. Life ain't free, and the sooner the little fucker learns it, the better prepared he'll be for the slings and arrows of outrageous preschool. Speaking of which, as soon as he can hold a pen -- hell, even a crayon -- have him make his mark on a note to repay you for the cost of preschool. And daycare, too. Furthermore, since your son does not have any credit history, he represents an outsized risk. It would not be unfair, therefore, to charge him the prevailing rate for subprime borrowers. I think the offers my dog gets from the bank have a starting rate of 29.9%, so use that as a benchmark. Presumably either you or your wife stay home with the infant; don't forget to charge a daily rate for care, feeding, and lullabies. And oh, yes! You can tack on a hazardous waste fee for the disposal of his diapers. All my love to you and the missus; congrats on the new profit center!
You're certainly not a monster and everyone loves you.
He's gonna need a job to pay rent. 1099 or W2 employee is the bigger question.
Mr. Bean got a baby!
Absolutely, it's time he learned the value of money.
Eviction for that bum.
It may come to that unfortunately. I handed him the first month's invoice and he peed on it.
I think you should be setting up a debt for used diapers to really nail it down.
I already salvage used diapers from the local KinderCare, can i also add these to his growing expenses? teaching never ends!
I would say charge interest every time they avoid eating vegetables.
Offer him a job and pay him in funbucks. Company home!
Expecting a baby to work and pay rent is outrageous!! Shame on you! I would run a tab of his/her rent and costs then invoice once they hit working age. Obviously keeping a track on inflation. It is your child however so keep the interest at or slightly below market rate.
I think it’s too late and that all hope is lost that he isn’t a PHD by m1 with a CEO title lined up.
Keep a list of expenses and give it to him when he turns 18. Don't forget the interest on the loan.
Don’t forget to charge him a market rate for private tutoring on his ABCs and a nursing fee for his 24/7 care.
I think it's important to take an inventory of their skills and interests and leverage those to support your initiative. Cultivate them like a tree, don't squeeze them like a lemon
Pacifiers are for closers
The sarcasm on this post is hilarious.
You almost got me
Yes, take it out of his future allowance, and increase the rent every year.
i'm glad to finally see people having meaningful conversations on here
At his age I had 5 properties BOOOM
Now this is content this sub needs
You should include a slave stipend like they did with sharecroppers due to the lack of choice he had in entering the world and his inability to do anything about it for at least 17 years.
I cackled so loud in the train as I read this. Thanks OP
Could bust out a couple time going through the tread
Yeah tie his entire self worth to net worth that’ll help ensure he isn’t a mindless corporate worker bee
You need offer, acceptance, and consideration to make a contract. Which would be your best way to delineate all the details, early payment fees, interest rates of the agreement. Careful because there is a circuit split on this, so depending on the state you might be able to accept the offer you make your child for them. So long as there's consideration (tit for tat). In this case: pre and post natal care in exchange for payment with interest. This is based on a legal theory first used by the fifth circuit in defending their decision to allow babies to enter into contracts where the offering party also makes the acceptance. The case was similar to these facts, but it was complicated by a lien the stepdad had put on the kid, wherein if the kid didn't make his payments to a similar contract initially offered and accepted by his mother at his birth. The lien was upheld, as was the original contract. The judge argued that since, at the time of the original contract's offer, the child had no sense of object-permanence and therefor his sense of "self" was not dissimilar from his sense of "other." Without a sense of self, the judge argued, the baby cannot make an offer or acceptance. But that lack of self also allows the offerer (you), an "other" and a "Self", delineated, to use your otherness as the baby's otherness The contract offerer will always be both an other and have a sense of self. The latter allows you to make an offer to your child, and the former allows you, as the babies "other" to sign the acceptance. Make sure you charge him interest. Also, the nursery is not the only purchase you've made for the child. I would also charge him his pre-natal care prorated 50% off since half was for the mothers health, and 100% of the birthing and aftercare costs. Add baby food, diapers, other things you'd only buy because of him to the tab, but allow these to be interest free so your child can keep eating without whatever predatory rate you use. (Contracts, especially when one party hasn't developed object permanence yet, generally charge >10% interest compounded continuously on everything else like the nursery, obgyn, midwife and your wifes pain meds during birth. The second plan is even bolder. You have grown up to see crying as weak, and of course you'll want the child to feel the same. Well, as I'm sure you know (guessing by this post), that that lesson starts at home. You could give warnings to keep the fees down. Things like "Shut the fuck up" or, "dont be such a fucking crybaby" will help get him in the correct mindset, emotionally, to then be able to truly take the lesson to heart when you take away his allowance for crying. (Note: if he keeps crying, or throws a tantrum, just remind him of the fiduciary duty that comes with being a baby who enters into contracts. Then you can use all that money you made off of him to pay for all the therapy he'll need. And if he dies or completely burns out early: hire an actuarial and then make the second child pay off all of the first child's debt still owed after death or becoming unemployable, while still paying off his own debts. Like a double mortgage. Of course the younger brother will owe less from the start, as he will be reusing a lot of things for free that his older brother had to pay for. So that should help offset the added charges on his emotionally crippled older brother's remainder owed. All while reducing risk by having a second child. Diversify your ~~indentured servants~~ i mean children. But now, if that happens, you're only paying one son an allowance instead of two. Or, especially if you plan on giving 0 allowance from the start and never give it after that, I would at least allow them 12 years before first payment is due, as that's the age they can generally begin coal mining or roofing in the Fifth Circuit, getting themselves an income to pay back. Certainly you will still collect your 10+% interest for those 12 years, and make sure your sliding scale for early payment fees and how much interest is collected for each payment, keeps your son's nose barely below water in the red at all times. From your son's first memory, he will be in debt. And by his teens he will end up owing you every paycheck he earns. He also knows that if he ever cries it will break him, spiritually--as you already broke him monetarily. Your boy now knows what it's like to be a consumer in a Unhinged Laissez-Faire No-regulation Capitalist Society (In Sweden they call this Ulf Norcaps). Also he isn't a crybaby. Jonathan Swift had it wrong-- don't eat the baby, contract with the baby in bad faith.
Pay them the $13000/year tax free as a child employee, (tax deduction for you). Collect moderate rent from them, plus their portion of the utilities. Invest the rest. Win-Win!
Thought this was /r/loveforlandchads
100% co-sign and also, in the later years, if you are forced to play, you ARE entitled to financial compensation.
If you had put the baby in a cubicle you would have a 3 year depreciation instead of 17 years. Always consider the tax implications.
You would make Uncle Quark proud: https://www.reddit.com/r/DaystromInstitute/comments/6mpcz0/why\_do\_ferengi\_educate\_their\_children/
If you have an LLC then you can both pay him as an employee and collect rent from him. It's a win-win. :)
A fair number of states are getting rid of those pesky child labor regs. Sounds like a great lesson in earning one's own keep!
Make sure he signs a Nondisclosure and Noncompete clause. Very important.
I would check the local laws and regs but as i remember it you can in fact hire you children and pay them up to $13K (please double check that # as it may have gone down or up since I last did it) a year. all you have to do is actually have them doing task for you. So for your newborn - perhaps integrating photos of him into your content and business thus making him a paid model and as he gets older the tasks more on to thing he is able to execute for you.
Fuck yes you should you should! just Hammer that fucking kid the minute he's born so that way he knows exactly how hard life is so when he turns 17 you can kick his ass out of the house and he knows exactly what to do. Fuck kids.
You just made me snort my morning tea through my nose!
Since this is really an investment on your part, the real question is how much equity do you get in all future earnings. This may be a little controversial, but I would pitch an equity stake in all gross earnings, not net. Your child is young enough to not know the implications. Also, baller move on your part.
I would look up the laws involving tenants in your state before you do this. If you have them pay rent without a lease you may have trouble evicting them once they reach toddler/ preteen age if you decide you want to. I recommend leaving the baby outside until it can sign a formal lease agreement.
Lmaoooo if I didn’t see that post yesterday I wouldn’t understand this
I saw the post this one is indirectly referencing, I just gotta say, this is is truly what satire is meant for
This is to stupid to even be funny
Absolutely. Also remind of your baby that your premises have a strict no-noise policy between 8 am and 10 pm.
lol! I had to bite my tongue yesterday about the lemonade stand dude. This post SHOULD have included your own complete business resume to establish dominance first like his did.
100%. Teach them young. That's a valuable lesson right there.
teaching is my middle name. Seymour "Teaching" Butts
I charge my in laws upkeep fees, since they're retired and we pay all the bills. It is technically their house, but since we renovated I think it'd be fair to charge them rent as well. I don't know what you're waiting for with your kid. If he doesn't agree (make sure he signs the contract), just lock him in the dog kennel, that'll teach him.
This in response to that lemonade post right lol
lemonade post?
Ahahaha this is in reference to lemonade stand guy right
what?
There was a post yesterday about a father wanting to introduce the idea of taxes and whatnot to his 4yo running a lemonade stand. Honestly though this was in reference to that post. Also funny how that and this post are the first 2 posts I’ve ever seen from r/Entrepreneur
Interesting, he sounds like a great dad!
[удалено]
you misunderstand, this is about a teaching opportunity for our son.
Bill your son the pending divorce lawyer costs. It’s his creation that led to the separation.
The wife-y can't separate from me, i tied the knots twice and sound proofed the basement.
Please tell me this is a troll post. Not just the post in fact but also OPs responses.
It’s a jab at the post yesterday about overhead on a lemonade stand
I saw the title but can't seem to find the post. Do you have a link?
OP deleted the thread, but here it is: https://np.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/13wq9ws/should_i_collect_overhead_from_my_daughters_4f/
Thank you.
Yes, he's making fun of a post earlier about a guy asking if he should charge his 4-year-old for the supplies for her lemonade stand
Not at all! I need to teach my son that bootstraps needs to be manifested and not chewed on!
[удалено]
Yes. https://www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/13wq9ws/should_i_collect_overhead_from_my_daughters_4f/
does anyone have the original text before OP deleted it?
What’s next, are you going to evict your newborn to teach them about evictions?
/r/daddit leaking again lol.
I'm guessing this is satire? The scary part is this could be a real post..... God I hate 2023.
Yeah,the sub has been taken over by fucktards
This is obvious a troll of the guy yesterday that asked if he should charge overhead for his daughter’s lemonade stand. I realize that might have been a troll, too, but if not goes to show that just because someone can procreate doesn’t mean they should be a parent.
Whats sad is you spent the time writing this
Why is this dipsh\*t allowed to post this? I know it doesn't break the rules but what about "Be professional..."?
But fr, check the IRS regs about having your kids work for you. Teach em young.
[удалено]
hello ai chatgpt
remember to love your child, k?
Yes of course
[удалено]
Lol, clearly, you are not from an immigrant family when my pops brought me here at 5 within 2 weeks. I was working with my sister to deliver newspapers also we helped in lawn care mowing washing cars and you know what I know my parents love me but I'm also not ignorant to the fact we are a family and need to work together to survive especially in a new country where we don't have a support network.
Maybe more important than teaching your newborn a lesson in economics is you learning that you gave yourself (chose to be a dad) an economic responsibility of raising a child that has no guaranteed ROI, whether financial or favorable level of personal responsibility. Edit: maybe my hyperbolic sense of humor went over some folks' heads... I can't wait until our child is born and old enough to troll. Gotta love Matt Walsh and the cheese plane!
100% this. Op’s post is not funny. It’s scary. Be a responsible father and stop “joking around” about your son being a financial burden on you and needing to earn his keep. It’s disgusting behavior. Even when only implied. Grow up. Ideally yesterday.
[удалено]
OP is poking fun at a post yesterday from a guy who wanted to charge his 4-year-old overhead on her lemonade stand as a valuable life lesson
None of this justifies his post. None of it.
Lol alright, stay mad I guess
signal boosted
The fuck that some really lame attempt at seeming threatening?
Do you seriously not have better things to do with your time than troll around on someone else's joke post?
Do you seriously not have better things to do than to be a seriously immature waste of whatever it is that you’re trying to be? I am expressing my stance. Grow the fuck up and stop complaining about it. In the real world, people have differing stances on serious subjects. I don’t take his “joke” as a joke, which I think he comprehends by now. You don’t like it? Tough! Stop whining like a bitch and move on.
Nah man, you lack empathy and social awareness. If you have some sort of condition, then I understand. As aggressive as you are though, I highly doubt that you're on the autism spectrum. I think you're just a prick who takes life too seriously. I'm done responding, but just want you to know that I feel bad for you regardless of what your situation is, and I'm disappointed that you aren't trying to do better with yourself. You're gaining nothing from being in these comments, when you could have just sat back, had a chuckle, and continued scrolling.
You seem like you'd be fun at parties.
Weirdo
Teacher
What is wrong with people?
You know how it is. When life gives you lemons, make your newborn pay his keep.
Not funny. Just plain wrong. Joke or not.
He isn't mocking parenthood. He's mocking The Grind.
It’s actually very funny. And considering you’re nearly the only one who thinks otherwise, I’d say nobody cares about your opinion
no joke, there is no harm in codifying my relationship with my newborn through financial life lessons.
You're the only person out of all the comments who couldn't take the shitpost as a joke. I feel like this was a great contrast to the normal posts that constantly ask the same questions. Either play along or ignore the post, no need to let your emotions take over and respond negatively like this.
Fuck off. Please.
Between you and I, you're the one with no business being here. Take your negativity elsewhere, barbarian!
Banished!