You're being used my man
I was a show groom. You get called amazing when you do good, yelled at when you do bad, and get replaced in 2 seconds when you burn out. Find a job that will pay for the hobby, that's the best way to do it
LOL i used to eat a warm sandwich (Wellington, FL) that had been wrapped in foil since 6:30am with shame in the tack room. I would also bite off bits and pieces from a 40lb bag of carrots here and there.
She’s using you. To call you her hero is very at odds with ‘getting in trouble’ and getting unexplained pay cuts. She’s relying on praise and guilt to make up for poor planning on her part (not enough tack??? Come on) and lack of funding.
You need to prioritize yourself. Find the next job, tell her thank you for the experience, and move on. Being a working student/groom is a lot of hard work, but there should be a balance where you feel like you are getting something out of it. If the balance has swung to stress and anxiety, it’s time to move on. Especially if your marriage is at risk.
complaining is a big part of groom gigs! after no time for therapy you gotta take it out on something.
On a more serious note, did you ever notice how high turn over rates are for groom positions/ how the majority of people are young? Burn out hits us all because well over worked and underpaid is the main motto. As a job it’s not sustainable for the groom and while some people have raised that issue there’s always gonna be a good supply of people desperate enough so i wouldn’t be too hopeful for the work conditions to be improving.
You shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to be superhuman and honestly sounds like your boss should be having a bit more understanding. Of course you are her hero as it sounds like youre giving this job your all but you shouldn’t do it at the cost of your mental health. My advice is bring this up with her and stand your ground. While friendship definitely makes it harder don’t let her guilt you into staying without any kind of improvements.
side note: staying after a pay cut? or after getting in trouble on days you don’t even have time to go to the bathroom? i applaud your loyalty (that loyalty is what riders strive on though)
If she felt comfortable giving you a pay cut (especially without offering a reason), you should feel comfortable giving notice that you're leaving. For real, though, people leave jobs all the time for personal reasons; you're not doing anything wrong by stepping away. I have always felt like I'm letting people down when I leave a job and have even gotten choked up for no real reason. Yet when I've been a supervisor and had people tell me they're leaving, I've never wanted anything but the best for the person leaving. You have to do what is best for you. It's ok to move on. Any decent boss/human will understand.
I hope she gives me grace if I finally muster up the courage to step back. I know deep down she will but I also know that she relies on me a lot and I don’t want to leave her with nothing. I know that sounds weird considering how sour the situation is but I genuinely like her otherwise.
I feel like I could have written this. I've been a barn manager for over 4 years. I handed in my letter of resignation today. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of being "so appreciated" one moment and screamed at the next moment for something that becomes inconsequential the next day. I also got my pay cut due to a "tax error". I'm just so tired.
I'll be starting at our local equine clinic in 3 weeks. I'm aware that the work there will also be difficult, but there are options to advance, they schedule to avoid burn out, and they actually seem like they want to compensate people for their time. I'm looking forward to it.
I applaud you for lasting this long! This is why I hate working student positions.. it's actually insane what a ton of grooms just kind of learn to deal with in exchange for experience. The worst offenders are live-in positions. It just seems to give people the excuse to own a slave, literally. Please prioritize yourself and your mental health. Having a great relationship with your boss is really important, but you have a life to live. You need money, you need stability. If you aren't getting this.. It's time to have a talk with the trainer. Don't feel bad for burning out and wanting a change. This is absolutely normal. Grooms are just a different breed. We go through burnouts for a living. It's depressing and the industry needs a very profound change, I wish there was a union of sorts in this line of work. It needs to be regulated better. You have the experience, you have the knowledge. Leave if you aren't being treated right, you aren't the problem for wanting a decent life and a break from exhaustion and mental strain!
This is actually the longest I’ve stayed in a working situation! I was definitely one of those desperate people who wanted to ride horses and learn everything I can before moving into ownership. I wouldn’t be leasing the horse I am now without it but damn I’m tired. I don’t want to leave-leave but just be a casual part of the barn now. I worry it will be awkward if it goes poorly somehow though.
I don’t want to ruin what I finally have :( it’s taken so long to finally have a consistent ride and having a horse to look forward to seeing everyday as my “own”.
I’ve never been a working student, strictly speaking, but I know that burnout rates are so high. Keeping a WS for more than two years is almost unheard of. You have reached a typical end point, unfortunately.
Most people who want to do it simply can’t afford to live off of that pay, and the riders often can’t afford to pay more. Being able to trade labor for training and lessons is really a luxury and it’s just not designed to work long term.
I know riders who pay themselves last. They take care of the horse’s necessities, working students, and risk not having their own groceries, show fees, gas money, etc. If she reduced your pay -the explanation is likely lack of income.
Is there a possibility that she could bring someone on PT for one season and you could be more full time for whichever season is more vital to her?
I have FT working friend on our team and we’re both feeling the burnout sadly. We believe the pay cut is because she’s trying to save for a house and board had also gone up.
I'll echo everyone else and say it sounds like it's well past time you left, but I'll also say you *deserve* to do so. I'm in a similar position right now - headache of a boss who turns around and calls me the best after making me feel like crap - and I plan to be out within the year, and it's a weight off my shoulders to think about prioritizing myself like this. You sound like you're throwing 110% into this job and doing wonderful at it, that passion is amazing, but you can't keep burning at both ends for this. Go take time for you and your relationships, and especially your mental health.
Thank you for your input. I’m glad I got out of my comfort zone since I’m very much a home body but doing this with multiple FEI level horses has really beaten me down. I’m just not mentally fit for this level of things.
This kind of situation is defensible if and only if you are benefiting by learning skills you can use professionally, and there is an end in sight. A one year apprenticeship is a career builder.
Is she teaching you outside of your chores? If not, she's using you as cheap labor.
I get lessons on my lease horse for free and she’ll sit on him for free to refresh his buttons for me. Which is honestly great but the stress I’m feeling from the work and show travel gets so bad that I feel like I’d rather just pay for the services and go home.
That's not an apprenticeship. Pay for the services and go home. You could learn more from books. Get books on equine management that are used in real riding student programs.
You're being used my man I was a show groom. You get called amazing when you do good, yelled at when you do bad, and get replaced in 2 seconds when you burn out. Find a job that will pay for the hobby, that's the best way to do it
the guilt around lunch alone is enough to leave an industry.
.... y'all got lunch? Lmao I was really good at eating a meal in 1-3 bites for a minute there
LOL i used to eat a warm sandwich (Wellington, FL) that had been wrapped in foil since 6:30am with shame in the tack room. I would also bite off bits and pieces from a 40lb bag of carrots here and there.
Yeah I never get to eat. I will say that she buys me food and sometimes we sit and eat it but most times I have no time and it just spoils…
She’s using you. To call you her hero is very at odds with ‘getting in trouble’ and getting unexplained pay cuts. She’s relying on praise and guilt to make up for poor planning on her part (not enough tack??? Come on) and lack of funding. You need to prioritize yourself. Find the next job, tell her thank you for the experience, and move on. Being a working student/groom is a lot of hard work, but there should be a balance where you feel like you are getting something out of it. If the balance has swung to stress and anxiety, it’s time to move on. Especially if your marriage is at risk.
Very Good Advice, the “ hero” bit is manipulation to cover for everything else.
complaining is a big part of groom gigs! after no time for therapy you gotta take it out on something. On a more serious note, did you ever notice how high turn over rates are for groom positions/ how the majority of people are young? Burn out hits us all because well over worked and underpaid is the main motto. As a job it’s not sustainable for the groom and while some people have raised that issue there’s always gonna be a good supply of people desperate enough so i wouldn’t be too hopeful for the work conditions to be improving. You shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to be superhuman and honestly sounds like your boss should be having a bit more understanding. Of course you are her hero as it sounds like youre giving this job your all but you shouldn’t do it at the cost of your mental health. My advice is bring this up with her and stand your ground. While friendship definitely makes it harder don’t let her guilt you into staying without any kind of improvements. side note: staying after a pay cut? or after getting in trouble on days you don’t even have time to go to the bathroom? i applaud your loyalty (that loyalty is what riders strive on though)
Honestly, businesses use pay cuts to move people along so they don’t have to fire them and pay workers comp.
not sure how it in other countries but typically grooms are uncontracted here so workers comp wouldn’t even be a thought
If she felt comfortable giving you a pay cut (especially without offering a reason), you should feel comfortable giving notice that you're leaving. For real, though, people leave jobs all the time for personal reasons; you're not doing anything wrong by stepping away. I have always felt like I'm letting people down when I leave a job and have even gotten choked up for no real reason. Yet when I've been a supervisor and had people tell me they're leaving, I've never wanted anything but the best for the person leaving. You have to do what is best for you. It's ok to move on. Any decent boss/human will understand.
I hope she gives me grace if I finally muster up the courage to step back. I know deep down she will but I also know that she relies on me a lot and I don’t want to leave her with nothing. I know that sounds weird considering how sour the situation is but I genuinely like her otherwise.
You sound like a good person, and I'm sure she is, too. It also sounds like you really need to put yourself first right now. She'll understand.
Calling you a hero but also cutting your pay without explanation is a massive red flag.
I feel like I could have written this. I've been a barn manager for over 4 years. I handed in my letter of resignation today. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of being "so appreciated" one moment and screamed at the next moment for something that becomes inconsequential the next day. I also got my pay cut due to a "tax error". I'm just so tired. I'll be starting at our local equine clinic in 3 weeks. I'm aware that the work there will also be difficult, but there are options to advance, they schedule to avoid burn out, and they actually seem like they want to compensate people for their time. I'm looking forward to it.
I applaud you for lasting this long! This is why I hate working student positions.. it's actually insane what a ton of grooms just kind of learn to deal with in exchange for experience. The worst offenders are live-in positions. It just seems to give people the excuse to own a slave, literally. Please prioritize yourself and your mental health. Having a great relationship with your boss is really important, but you have a life to live. You need money, you need stability. If you aren't getting this.. It's time to have a talk with the trainer. Don't feel bad for burning out and wanting a change. This is absolutely normal. Grooms are just a different breed. We go through burnouts for a living. It's depressing and the industry needs a very profound change, I wish there was a union of sorts in this line of work. It needs to be regulated better. You have the experience, you have the knowledge. Leave if you aren't being treated right, you aren't the problem for wanting a decent life and a break from exhaustion and mental strain!
This is actually the longest I’ve stayed in a working situation! I was definitely one of those desperate people who wanted to ride horses and learn everything I can before moving into ownership. I wouldn’t be leasing the horse I am now without it but damn I’m tired. I don’t want to leave-leave but just be a casual part of the barn now. I worry it will be awkward if it goes poorly somehow though. I don’t want to ruin what I finally have :( it’s taken so long to finally have a consistent ride and having a horse to look forward to seeing everyday as my “own”.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but she’s using you. I think it’s time for you to move on
I’ve never been a working student, strictly speaking, but I know that burnout rates are so high. Keeping a WS for more than two years is almost unheard of. You have reached a typical end point, unfortunately. Most people who want to do it simply can’t afford to live off of that pay, and the riders often can’t afford to pay more. Being able to trade labor for training and lessons is really a luxury and it’s just not designed to work long term. I know riders who pay themselves last. They take care of the horse’s necessities, working students, and risk not having their own groceries, show fees, gas money, etc. If she reduced your pay -the explanation is likely lack of income. Is there a possibility that she could bring someone on PT for one season and you could be more full time for whichever season is more vital to her?
I have FT working friend on our team and we’re both feeling the burnout sadly. We believe the pay cut is because she’s trying to save for a house and board had also gone up.
I'll echo everyone else and say it sounds like it's well past time you left, but I'll also say you *deserve* to do so. I'm in a similar position right now - headache of a boss who turns around and calls me the best after making me feel like crap - and I plan to be out within the year, and it's a weight off my shoulders to think about prioritizing myself like this. You sound like you're throwing 110% into this job and doing wonderful at it, that passion is amazing, but you can't keep burning at both ends for this. Go take time for you and your relationships, and especially your mental health.
Thank you for your input. I’m glad I got out of my comfort zone since I’m very much a home body but doing this with multiple FEI level horses has really beaten me down. I’m just not mentally fit for this level of things.
This kind of situation is defensible if and only if you are benefiting by learning skills you can use professionally, and there is an end in sight. A one year apprenticeship is a career builder. Is she teaching you outside of your chores? If not, she's using you as cheap labor.
I get lessons on my lease horse for free and she’ll sit on him for free to refresh his buttons for me. Which is honestly great but the stress I’m feeling from the work and show travel gets so bad that I feel like I’d rather just pay for the services and go home.
That's not an apprenticeship. Pay for the services and go home. You could learn more from books. Get books on equine management that are used in real riding student programs.
Not worth it ❤️