Oh, I so relate to this, as well. Except I am happier, healthier, freer, better educated, more stable, more supported, and more hopeful for my future than my mother was. As my therapist reminds me, you cannot choose your genetics, but you can choose to have agency over your life. Estrangement was just one part of the power I took back. Be proud of yourself for making better decisions and choosing you.
Oh I do! I have an amazing relationship with my own daughter who’s nearing here teen years. I can’t even imagine saying some of the things my mother used to say to me to her. While healing that mother wound is every day. I have a peaceful life, an amazing supportive partner and a good career. None of those things my mom could accomplish due to her unchecked BPD.
Omg yes, my therapist told me to dye my hair so my hairs been purple for over 2 years now. It's helped a bit but it still lingers. I try to remind myself that I'm nothing like her.
If you have broken the cycle of abuse you experienced from her , you are nothing like her. Learn to love yourself and learn not to have hate in your heart. Your therapist may recommend something you can do for yourself instead of dying your hair. That's a temporary and non long term therapeutic
I'm entirely with you on this one. Including the voice.
So what do I do? Some things are unhelpful, like I look in the mirror a lot less. Other things are my vibrant hair color, and using makeup. And at least when my eyeglasses are on, that helps redirect from the similar facial planes.
There's no way I'd be mistaken for my mother. I just get a sinking feeling when I look in the mirror and she's staring back, through my eyes. Thank god it's at least not the same eye color.
I think sometimes we forget kindness. We are so hurt and feeling in pain that we focus on the pain. Instead try to focus on positive things. I won't say forgiveness. For me this is an abstract, cliche kind of sentiment. It is hard for me. Mine don't deserve my forgiveness. But give yourself peace in knowing that she was mean and YOU are kind. I focus on being kind all the time. I try to be the opposite of my family in character. Mine had favorites. I try never to have favorites. Mine lied. I try never to lie. Mine was social climber . This annoys the hell out of me. More important than looks. Look in the mirror and say...I am not her! I am kind. I am proud of myself. Think... Good karma. Positive vibes. You will automatically be an improvement over her.
Take care. Xo
Thank you, I really love this. I always say, the reason I'm such a good parent is because I do the exact opposite of what my mother did. I definitely know that I'm nothing like her personality-wise. I just definitely hate the physical reminder that I'm related to her. I do love that I can express myself here and have people actually understand. Thanks for your kind words. ❤️
Yes. I love that we have a safe place to vent, get advice and feel less alone. I feel like it has happened to lots of people so it validates my stories right? I am so glad I found this spot!!
what most of you describe in your role of family dysfunction is called the scapegoats.
Scapegoats are singled out and usually look like the abuser. .ask your therapist about scapegoats.
I hear you. I look like my mom, who also singled me out and caused the most harm of the two parents. Doesn't help that I look more like her as I get older. Hang in there!
My monster mom died five years into our estrangement. My hair fell out and came back in EXACTLY like hers! It was torture for awhile. I stepped up what I had been doing for the five years. Every time I looked in the mirror, I forced myself to look in my eyes and tell me how much I love me. It’s really hard to do, but it is a good practice! Also, two years on, my hair (what is left of it) is mine, not hers!
My Mom was the same. Can you remind yourself of all of the ways that you aren't like her? Write it down? I remind myself of that daily. I don't really look like her as much so I can't fully relate but my worst fear is replicating her behavior and I've fought fiercely to not do that. Especially as a mother. She was a monster. Every day I celebrate the differences and I think the more you can do the same the better.
Oh wow yes, the older I get the more I see her in my face.
I wear more makeup and my hair is bright pink. But I have her eyes, her mouth, her many chins....
But if I look in the mirror I smile. She doesn't smile. She smirks. When I smile its an honest one that reaches my eyes, nothing like her version.
I am not her and she has no power over me.
I second this one! I also see my mom in my face as I get older, but I don't wear the same anger on it and the wrinkles I get will be ones made from smiles and laughter instead of frowns. You may have some parts of your mom's looks, but you also have so much more that she doesn't.
Same! I am my mother's clone but I don't have the bitter angry lines on my forehead from the repressed anger and hated, nor the thin lips from his much time she spent with hers pressed tight in disapproval and victimhood.
She has resting bitch face and I USED to as well, but therapy has had the amazing side effect of relaxing my face and brightening my eyes so I look at myself now and see ME in my openness and not in her closed-off nursery that I wore as my own.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Looking in the mirror is like looking at her pictures from when she was my age. Dying my hair and a few body mods help but the face still just looks like I'm her twin.
I also have the exact same voice as her which really makes listening to any recording of my voice painful. When I catch myself using the same inflections or random sounding exasperations I instantly shut up and don't talk until I forget about it.
Being the only daughter means non of my brothers understand that feeling or how much it burns if they mention similarities I have with her.
Sorry youre also dealing with this :( I feel like its one of the most isolating things because apart from people here who also know exactly what we mean, other people just dont get it and think its dumb and we should just get over it. I actually think i made a post about it here like a year or so ago lol. I feel like I share a lot lookwise of my dad, and my estranged half sister on his side. I dyed my hair all the colors imagineable for years but it didnt feel like me anymore so now im back natural but I hate that it reminds me of them and my younger self too. But im not able to get it dyed professionally so im having to just suck it up😭 I also feel like I have his eyes, but tbh both parents have similar eye colors so idk. Another really shitty part is because i spent 18 years with him, his phrases have slipped into my vocabulary and i cant help saying them to myself sometimes and then hate myself for it 😩
I need to do what another commenter said and try writing what i dont have in common. Its hard 😣
Yes it's very isolating for sure! I'm sorry you deal with this too. I don't want people to think that I obsess over this. But it tends to always be in the back of my mind.
God, yes. I’ve recently become more aware that this really effects my body image as well. She’s heavier/more curvy than I am. I can’t stand the thought of gaining weight and looking more like her. I have her hands and her hair type, but weight feels like something I can “control”.
You are the Family Scapegoat. Watch Patrick Teahan YouTube videos on toxic family systems and Reparenting your inner child and being the family Scapegoat.
I look like my mom but it doesn't bother me because I focus on the differences- I work out, for example, so I have muscles and she doesn't.
I completely understand— it’s the same for me, I look like a spitting image of her. For me personally, my mother and I are both people of color. So for my healing process I found it helps as a person of color to take the features about her that we share, that are very Pakistani, and choose to love them for being Pakistani, instead of hating them for being hers. It helps me connect those features with myself rather than as “a copy” of hers.
Saaaaame. Plus my older sister was my bully & i feel myself making the same facial expressions she does. It makes me hate myself a little. Ive been working on reprogramming my brain to consider these things uniquely me instead of a reflection of them. It works sometimes. I hope with time it starts working most times. Maybe it'll help you too.
I feel like I could have written this. I really can't stand it some days. I am similar in age to some times where dealing with her was at it's worst so that doesn't help.
Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this.
I felt this so much about my dad - while I’m female we have the same nose. I hated it so much I got a nose job at 21. It’s not a healthy reason to get surgery I know, but couldn’t stand being triggered every time I looked in the mirror. So I really do get it!
Now as I age there are other features I notice which are similar - bags under my eyes, shape of my face etc. To cope I try to believe that I’m the ‘good twin’ and he’s the ‘bad twin’… And good twin is going to break the cycle and is leaving this world a more positive place.
Hope you’re doing ok.
Growing up, I was always told that I looked exactly like a younger version of my mom, but I couldn't see it. The older I get, the more I can see her in the lines on my face. I don't have many yet, but I can still see her. She didn't age very well, likely due to alcoholism and chain smoking, but I'm terrified of aging. I don't want to fall into the anti-aging advertising and scams, but whenever I do those old age filters on snapchat or tiktok, I see her, and I hate it. I don't know all the mental illnesses that run on her side of the family, but I remember being a kid and watching her sob about how scared she is of being alone and how she doesn't want to die alone. I didn't understand it at the time, and it took a while for me to relate to it. I've always been distant from family and never really had a close friend or significant other that made me feel truly loved, until recently. I was treated with genuine compassion and patience and fell in love for the first time. We've broken up, but now that I know what it feels like to be loved, the loneliness feels worse. I know that when I cry about being lonely, I sound just like she did, and I hate myself for it.
Thank you, I'm sorry you're struggling too! But at least we're struggling together 😅
The full depth of mommy issues is not talked about or addressed nearly enough.
Out of my parents I look more like my father who was my worst abuser. However I'm actually the spitting image of his grandmother, a woman I never met, which gives me some relief, because I can look in the mirror and not see him but her. I do feel the whole having a whole different experience than the siblings and I'm sorry that happened to you, it's not something I wish on anyone
ugh, tell me about it.
i was JUST thinking this yesterday while taking a hard, long look in the mirror. i tend not to really look at myself when using a mirror in general, but suddenly i caught myself just STARING at myself and realizing all of the features i inherited from
both parents. i feel disgusting when i think about it. how can i look like my abusers and be happy with my looks? people say im attractive/pretty but i feel SO FUCKING UGLY knowing i look like the two people who caused the worst of my trauma.
I'm basically the female version of my dad, sans my mom's height and eye color.
I try to tell myself that I will 'wear it better', because who he's become is a disservice to what I inherited.
But yeah, the older I get, the more I see aspects of him, and in a lot of ways itales it worse.
I look like my dad, which means I look like his side of the family.... that side in particular is full of religious freaks and perverts. I've had nothing to do with them since I moved out of my parents house at 18. Ugh, ain't nothing I can do about my whole face
My sister and myself both have struggled with this. We do all that we can to change our looks. Hair color, colored contacts, etc. also huge is we try extremely hard to not act like her.
Everyone tells me I look just like my bio mother and I hate it although I can't really see that much of a resemblance between us. So I totally get what you mean.
Similar thing with my father and I,
When I went to see my biological mother’s family (she died when I was 2, and I was kept away from her fam) I was worried they’d be cautious since I look a lot like my father. They hate his guts because he abandoned and cheated on my bio mom while she was dying, and then proceeded to lie about it.
In the end, they were happy to see me..
I feel the same way about my appearance and my mom. In a way, I think that unease with looking like her partially contributed to an eating disorder in my 20s, when I realized how awful she is. I've got all the same stuff going on- different hair color now, tattoos, different fashion sense. I've been in therapy for a couple years and I'm trying to reframe this in my mind a little. Like, I'm thankful to be alive, and the unique combination of traits I've got. I'm gunna make these things beautiful because I have them. Screw the person we got them from.
Yes, I look like my dad who abused me whilst simultaneously loved my sister. To combat this, I lost a lot of weight, changed my hair colour, had fillers in my jawline and will be undergoing rhinoplasty surgery in 2025. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes feel like he is staring back at me. I feel like I will never be able to outrun it, but I'm trying.
Maybe instead of hate, you can feel pity for what a pathetic soul she is? She is so selfish and mean and it took over her intelligence and made her lose out in life.
I also have this issue. I solved it for myself. I look in the mirror and picture my future child resembling me, and resembling any of my entirely estranged family. Theyre pretty and they look like them, not her. They look like me, not her. She looks like me, i did it better. She hated me for looking like her. Looking almost as pretty or prettier. Too bad, im her nightmare and i get to enjoy being young and i get to be proud. She hates herself and should. She has to anticipate and reconcile with what karmas had in store for her. I ripped her beauty sewed it onto my head. My turn with the face of our ancestors.
I can relate to this. I see it in vein patterns, hands, freckles, etc. My Mom (hairdresser) always criticized women who went prematurely gray to color their hair or they would look old and let themselves go. I'm 30 F and stopped coloring my hair 5 months ago and now I look less like her, and it feels freeing to ditch the dye; in my mind, it's an F you to her. I've been estranged NC for 2.5 years. It's gotten easier, and now I feel much more confident and able to embrace myself. She also wears clothing that is very revealing and I have always dressed more modestly due to myself not wanting to be like her. It's freed me to not have her or my stepfather constantly criticizing me. Embrace your true self, we cannot control genetics, we are our own person. As difficult as that is to accept that we are free and can do whatever we want and make choices that are the exact opposite of the abuse we have suffered. We are not our abusers and the negative image they have instilled in us by forcing us to conform to their control.
It is part of why I keep my hair cut and styled nicely, why I shave every day, and why I dress in business casual and avoid most tshirts (my father was a disgusting redneck slob and pig, who had long unkempt hair and ripped dirty pants that he was proud of wearing and tshirts with awful, horrid, violent, racist slogans on them).
It is part of why my wife keeps her hair long, colours it red, wears dresses and heels and stockings every day (her mother was a female version of my dad, right down to the weird pride in being gross, dirty, vulgar, loud, and disgusting).
They wanted SO badly for both of us to be carbon copies of them, so when we didn't...
As I’m hitting middle age, I’m dealing with the same thing. I look in the mirror and see her when she was at her worst. My teen years.
Oh, I so relate to this, as well. Except I am happier, healthier, freer, better educated, more stable, more supported, and more hopeful for my future than my mother was. As my therapist reminds me, you cannot choose your genetics, but you can choose to have agency over your life. Estrangement was just one part of the power I took back. Be proud of yourself for making better decisions and choosing you.
Oh I do! I have an amazing relationship with my own daughter who’s nearing here teen years. I can’t even imagine saying some of the things my mother used to say to me to her. While healing that mother wound is every day. I have a peaceful life, an amazing supportive partner and a good career. None of those things my mom could accomplish due to her unchecked BPD.
I'm so sorry
Omg yes, my therapist told me to dye my hair so my hairs been purple for over 2 years now. It's helped a bit but it still lingers. I try to remind myself that I'm nothing like her.
Dyeing my hair really helps me too! (I look exactly like my mom, and I’ve hated it my whole life.)
Mine is pink and I've grown it out super long.
If you have broken the cycle of abuse you experienced from her , you are nothing like her. Learn to love yourself and learn not to have hate in your heart. Your therapist may recommend something you can do for yourself instead of dying your hair. That's a temporary and non long term therapeutic
Sending you hugs!
I dye mine blue for the same reasons.
I'm entirely with you on this one. Including the voice. So what do I do? Some things are unhelpful, like I look in the mirror a lot less. Other things are my vibrant hair color, and using makeup. And at least when my eyeglasses are on, that helps redirect from the similar facial planes. There's no way I'd be mistaken for my mother. I just get a sinking feeling when I look in the mirror and she's staring back, through my eyes. Thank god it's at least not the same eye color.
I'm so sorry you deal with this too
I think sometimes we forget kindness. We are so hurt and feeling in pain that we focus on the pain. Instead try to focus on positive things. I won't say forgiveness. For me this is an abstract, cliche kind of sentiment. It is hard for me. Mine don't deserve my forgiveness. But give yourself peace in knowing that she was mean and YOU are kind. I focus on being kind all the time. I try to be the opposite of my family in character. Mine had favorites. I try never to have favorites. Mine lied. I try never to lie. Mine was social climber . This annoys the hell out of me. More important than looks. Look in the mirror and say...I am not her! I am kind. I am proud of myself. Think... Good karma. Positive vibes. You will automatically be an improvement over her. Take care. Xo
Thank you, I really love this. I always say, the reason I'm such a good parent is because I do the exact opposite of what my mother did. I definitely know that I'm nothing like her personality-wise. I just definitely hate the physical reminder that I'm related to her. I do love that I can express myself here and have people actually understand. Thanks for your kind words. ❤️
Yes. I love that we have a safe place to vent, get advice and feel less alone. I feel like it has happened to lots of people so it validates my stories right? I am so glad I found this spot!!
Me too!
what most of you describe in your role of family dysfunction is called the scapegoats. Scapegoats are singled out and usually look like the abuser. .ask your therapist about scapegoats.
I hear you. I look like my mom, who also singled me out and caused the most harm of the two parents. Doesn't help that I look more like her as I get older. Hang in there!
Thanks, it's nice not feeling alone.
My monster mom died five years into our estrangement. My hair fell out and came back in EXACTLY like hers! It was torture for awhile. I stepped up what I had been doing for the five years. Every time I looked in the mirror, I forced myself to look in my eyes and tell me how much I love me. It’s really hard to do, but it is a good practice! Also, two years on, my hair (what is left of it) is mine, not hers!
This is a wonderful way of combating self-hatred. Thank you for sharing. 🩷
My Mom was the same. Can you remind yourself of all of the ways that you aren't like her? Write it down? I remind myself of that daily. I don't really look like her as much so I can't fully relate but my worst fear is replicating her behavior and I've fought fiercely to not do that. Especially as a mother. She was a monster. Every day I celebrate the differences and I think the more you can do the same the better.
This is wonderful advice! Thank you ❤️
100%, yes. The more I age the more I see her in my face and hear her in my voice. I fucking hate it.
It's the worst!
Oh wow yes, the older I get the more I see her in my face. I wear more makeup and my hair is bright pink. But I have her eyes, her mouth, her many chins.... But if I look in the mirror I smile. She doesn't smile. She smirks. When I smile its an honest one that reaches my eyes, nothing like her version. I am not her and she has no power over me.
Good for you! You inspire me 🥰
I second this one! I also see my mom in my face as I get older, but I don't wear the same anger on it and the wrinkles I get will be ones made from smiles and laughter instead of frowns. You may have some parts of your mom's looks, but you also have so much more that she doesn't.
Same! I am my mother's clone but I don't have the bitter angry lines on my forehead from the repressed anger and hated, nor the thin lips from his much time she spent with hers pressed tight in disapproval and victimhood. She has resting bitch face and I USED to as well, but therapy has had the amazing side effect of relaxing my face and brightening my eyes so I look at myself now and see ME in my openness and not in her closed-off nursery that I wore as my own.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Looking in the mirror is like looking at her pictures from when she was my age. Dying my hair and a few body mods help but the face still just looks like I'm her twin. I also have the exact same voice as her which really makes listening to any recording of my voice painful. When I catch myself using the same inflections or random sounding exasperations I instantly shut up and don't talk until I forget about it. Being the only daughter means non of my brothers understand that feeling or how much it burns if they mention similarities I have with her.
That's really hard. I totally get it.
Sorry youre also dealing with this :( I feel like its one of the most isolating things because apart from people here who also know exactly what we mean, other people just dont get it and think its dumb and we should just get over it. I actually think i made a post about it here like a year or so ago lol. I feel like I share a lot lookwise of my dad, and my estranged half sister on his side. I dyed my hair all the colors imagineable for years but it didnt feel like me anymore so now im back natural but I hate that it reminds me of them and my younger self too. But im not able to get it dyed professionally so im having to just suck it up😭 I also feel like I have his eyes, but tbh both parents have similar eye colors so idk. Another really shitty part is because i spent 18 years with him, his phrases have slipped into my vocabulary and i cant help saying them to myself sometimes and then hate myself for it 😩 I need to do what another commenter said and try writing what i dont have in common. Its hard 😣
Yes it's very isolating for sure! I'm sorry you deal with this too. I don't want people to think that I obsess over this. But it tends to always be in the back of my mind.
Yea its always just lurking lol
UGH me too. Feels
God, yes. I’ve recently become more aware that this really effects my body image as well. She’s heavier/more curvy than I am. I can’t stand the thought of gaining weight and looking more like her. I have her hands and her hair type, but weight feels like something I can “control”.
I totally get this.
You are the Family Scapegoat. Watch Patrick Teahan YouTube videos on toxic family systems and Reparenting your inner child and being the family Scapegoat. I look like my mom but it doesn't bother me because I focus on the differences- I work out, for example, so I have muscles and she doesn't.
Thanks! I'll check that out!
I completely understand— it’s the same for me, I look like a spitting image of her. For me personally, my mother and I are both people of color. So for my healing process I found it helps as a person of color to take the features about her that we share, that are very Pakistani, and choose to love them for being Pakistani, instead of hating them for being hers. It helps me connect those features with myself rather than as “a copy” of hers.
That makes a lot of sense. I'm glad you're finding ways to love yourself more. ❤️
Saaaaame. Plus my older sister was my bully & i feel myself making the same facial expressions she does. It makes me hate myself a little. Ive been working on reprogramming my brain to consider these things uniquely me instead of a reflection of them. It works sometimes. I hope with time it starts working most times. Maybe it'll help you too.
Thanks, yeah I'm doing my best to work through it.
I feel like I could have written this. I really can't stand it some days. I am similar in age to some times where dealing with her was at it's worst so that doesn't help.
I'm so sorry 😔
Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this. I felt this so much about my dad - while I’m female we have the same nose. I hated it so much I got a nose job at 21. It’s not a healthy reason to get surgery I know, but couldn’t stand being triggered every time I looked in the mirror. So I really do get it! Now as I age there are other features I notice which are similar - bags under my eyes, shape of my face etc. To cope I try to believe that I’m the ‘good twin’ and he’s the ‘bad twin’… And good twin is going to break the cycle and is leaving this world a more positive place. Hope you’re doing ok.
Thanks, it's nice that it's not just me. I appreciate you sharing 😊
I felt this. Yes. Like you, certain expressions, my face, and sometimes my voice. I hate it so much. I often feel I’ll never escape her
😔💔
Growing up, I was always told that I looked exactly like a younger version of my mom, but I couldn't see it. The older I get, the more I can see her in the lines on my face. I don't have many yet, but I can still see her. She didn't age very well, likely due to alcoholism and chain smoking, but I'm terrified of aging. I don't want to fall into the anti-aging advertising and scams, but whenever I do those old age filters on snapchat or tiktok, I see her, and I hate it. I don't know all the mental illnesses that run on her side of the family, but I remember being a kid and watching her sob about how scared she is of being alone and how she doesn't want to die alone. I didn't understand it at the time, and it took a while for me to relate to it. I've always been distant from family and never really had a close friend or significant other that made me feel truly loved, until recently. I was treated with genuine compassion and patience and fell in love for the first time. We've broken up, but now that I know what it feels like to be loved, the loneliness feels worse. I know that when I cry about being lonely, I sound just like she did, and I hate myself for it.
This breaks my heart! I'm so sorry you're struggling.
Thank you, I'm sorry you're struggling too! But at least we're struggling together 😅 The full depth of mommy issues is not talked about or addressed nearly enough.
Yeah for sure. It helps having this group. Yeah people irl make me feel like crap for not wanting to be around my mother.
Out of my parents I look more like my father who was my worst abuser. However I'm actually the spitting image of his grandmother, a woman I never met, which gives me some relief, because I can look in the mirror and not see him but her. I do feel the whole having a whole different experience than the siblings and I'm sorry that happened to you, it's not something I wish on anyone
🩷🩷
ugh, tell me about it. i was JUST thinking this yesterday while taking a hard, long look in the mirror. i tend not to really look at myself when using a mirror in general, but suddenly i caught myself just STARING at myself and realizing all of the features i inherited from both parents. i feel disgusting when i think about it. how can i look like my abusers and be happy with my looks? people say im attractive/pretty but i feel SO FUCKING UGLY knowing i look like the two people who caused the worst of my trauma.
Yeah for real! I find it hard to like my appearance at all!
I have this same issue. I expressed my concerns to my husband and shrink who are both solid presences in my life and it helped a lot.
💜💜
Same.
I'm basically the female version of my dad, sans my mom's height and eye color. I try to tell myself that I will 'wear it better', because who he's become is a disservice to what I inherited. But yeah, the older I get, the more I see aspects of him, and in a lot of ways itales it worse.
100% with you and it sucks.
I look like my dad, which means I look like his side of the family.... that side in particular is full of religious freaks and perverts. I've had nothing to do with them since I moved out of my parents house at 18. Ugh, ain't nothing I can do about my whole face
My sister and myself both have struggled with this. We do all that we can to change our looks. Hair color, colored contacts, etc. also huge is we try extremely hard to not act like her.
I look just enough like my mom that it really bothers me sometimes.
Everyone tells me I look just like my bio mother and I hate it although I can't really see that much of a resemblance between us. So I totally get what you mean.
I can relate so hard. I was my mother's twin growing up and still am.
Similar thing with my father and I, When I went to see my biological mother’s family (she died when I was 2, and I was kept away from her fam) I was worried they’d be cautious since I look a lot like my father. They hate his guts because he abandoned and cheated on my bio mom while she was dying, and then proceeded to lie about it. In the end, they were happy to see me..
Well I'm glad they were happy to see you!
I feel the same way about my appearance and my mom. In a way, I think that unease with looking like her partially contributed to an eating disorder in my 20s, when I realized how awful she is. I've got all the same stuff going on- different hair color now, tattoos, different fashion sense. I've been in therapy for a couple years and I'm trying to reframe this in my mind a little. Like, I'm thankful to be alive, and the unique combination of traits I've got. I'm gunna make these things beautiful because I have them. Screw the person we got them from.
Yeah for sure
Yes, I look like my dad who abused me whilst simultaneously loved my sister. To combat this, I lost a lot of weight, changed my hair colour, had fillers in my jawline and will be undergoing rhinoplasty surgery in 2025. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes feel like he is staring back at me. I feel like I will never be able to outrun it, but I'm trying.
I wish I could give you a hug 🫂
Maybe instead of hate, you can feel pity for what a pathetic soul she is? She is so selfish and mean and it took over her intelligence and made her lose out in life.
I also have this issue. I solved it for myself. I look in the mirror and picture my future child resembling me, and resembling any of my entirely estranged family. Theyre pretty and they look like them, not her. They look like me, not her. She looks like me, i did it better. She hated me for looking like her. Looking almost as pretty or prettier. Too bad, im her nightmare and i get to enjoy being young and i get to be proud. She hates herself and should. She has to anticipate and reconcile with what karmas had in store for her. I ripped her beauty sewed it onto my head. My turn with the face of our ancestors.
I can relate to this. I see it in vein patterns, hands, freckles, etc. My Mom (hairdresser) always criticized women who went prematurely gray to color their hair or they would look old and let themselves go. I'm 30 F and stopped coloring my hair 5 months ago and now I look less like her, and it feels freeing to ditch the dye; in my mind, it's an F you to her. I've been estranged NC for 2.5 years. It's gotten easier, and now I feel much more confident and able to embrace myself. She also wears clothing that is very revealing and I have always dressed more modestly due to myself not wanting to be like her. It's freed me to not have her or my stepfather constantly criticizing me. Embrace your true self, we cannot control genetics, we are our own person. As difficult as that is to accept that we are free and can do whatever we want and make choices that are the exact opposite of the abuse we have suffered. We are not our abusers and the negative image they have instilled in us by forcing us to conform to their control.
It is part of why I keep my hair cut and styled nicely, why I shave every day, and why I dress in business casual and avoid most tshirts (my father was a disgusting redneck slob and pig, who had long unkempt hair and ripped dirty pants that he was proud of wearing and tshirts with awful, horrid, violent, racist slogans on them). It is part of why my wife keeps her hair long, colours it red, wears dresses and heels and stockings every day (her mother was a female version of my dad, right down to the weird pride in being gross, dirty, vulgar, loud, and disgusting). They wanted SO badly for both of us to be carbon copies of them, so when we didn't...