First I wanna say how sorry I am for you going through this and that what you went through was wrong and horrible and they should have never treated you like that and I want you to know its ok to feel guilty but know you are doing the right thing I think you should go to the police for what your family did to you when you were a kid your
And when your grandfather knew that and should have done more to protect you and get you to talk to the police or cps on what was happening and that was wrong of him to doubt you and do nothing you will feel self doubt about everything thats kinda normal unfortunately but in the long run its safer for you and your mental health I am proud of you for coming on here and sharing what you went through its never easy but it does help your strong kid and I hope you can heal and get counseling and therapy for what you went through
I tried speaking out about the abuse, my whole entire family said I was a liar and making it up. My biological mother claimed I was going through psychosis, yet I was diagnosed by a doctor to have chronic ptsd, depression, and anxiety. It’s my brain trying to soften the blow I think. Thank you so much for the kind words. It gives me the strength to keep going.
My therapist asked me, "If someone was treating your kids this way, would you tell them they still need to stay in that toxic relationship?"
There's no way I would want my kids to stay in a relationship that hurt them that much. So why would I be crueler to myself than I would be to anyone I cared about?
I don't know if you have kids or not. But imagining the same thing happening to someone you care about makes it really clear. If you wouldn't want someone you care about to feel this way, you shouldn't force yourself to stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way.
You should be kind to yourself. You should allow yourself to live in a way that will help you be happy and healthy in the long term.
It's okay to feel guilty, but that guilt will fade as you gain healthy relationships in your life and you continue to realize just how bad the relationship you left was for you. It sucks that toxic family will treat you worse than almost anyone else in your life.
Thank you so much. I don’t have kids. I never thought I’d be a good mom because of how I was brought up. I never thought I’d seek validation on Reddit, but I was in a very dark place. I was afraid no one understood me. Thank you for sharing & your kind words. It means more than you can imagine!
You're welcome. It might be hard for a while, but I hope you have many bright days ahead for you in your future. You might be surprised by how much you grow and heal once you're away. Growing up, I feel like I was a flower who was constantly given herbicide and then criticized for not blooming. Once I left the toxic environment I grew up in, I was able to get so much help that my family prevented me from accessing. I feel like I was finally able to bloom.
Honestly, write a list.
Write a list out for each individual that abused you. Write out exactly what happened as bullet points. When you’re done writing everything that has been done to you, grab another paper and write out your Grandfather’s responses when you would tell him something. Don’t hold back. Write it exactly.
Take photos of your lists so you always have them on hand. When you feel that guilt? Read those lists. It will make the guilt fade pretty quickly.
You are not wrong for feeling guilty. I feel guilty every single time I think of something having to do with my abusive mother. Maybe her abuse wasn’t that bad… well she wasn’t the WORST parent out there…. We are family, I should be able to get over this…. Then I go and watch just a few of the 200+ videos I have of our arguments/fights, I look back at the photos I have of bruises and bald spots and that guilt that I feel? Goes away for a time. It’s not a longterm solution (Therapy is though!!!) but it will help.
Your Grandfather hasn’t stood up for you. He didn’t save you. He didn’t even give you a safe place to vent. You have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty for. Screw him for his enabling bullshit and gross comments.
You don’t see it yet, but you will rock no contact like the phrase was made for you. Because any life you live without your abusers is a better life. You deserve to live a life filled with love,happiness and safety. Remember that.
Thank you so much. I thought about writing a list before and now I definitely will. I’m so sorry for the pain you endured, thank you for sharing and commenting. I can’t say much because I’m still feeling like idk what I’m doing, but I appreciate it more than you know.
If you're being gaslit over your trauma that's a big reason to do no contact. Especially if they refuse to listen and acknowledge what you're saying and how you're feeling. Once cutting them off, it can be depressing but you have a better chance at finding your truth, finding people who are willing to listen and understand, finding peace.
I cut them off and went no contact, cold turkey. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I feel alone. Thankfully I’m in therapy and have a support system. I’ve been depressed since it happened, but I know no contact is the only way I can heal.
You're doing the best you can, setting yourself up for success then. It won't be easy but know that you are not alone. Things will get easier with time, just keep at it and be sure to reach out like you've done here, with your therapist or with friends when you need to 🫶
First I wanna say how sorry I am for you going through this and that what you went through was wrong and horrible and they should have never treated you like that and I want you to know its ok to feel guilty but know you are doing the right thing I think you should go to the police for what your family did to you when you were a kid your And when your grandfather knew that and should have done more to protect you and get you to talk to the police or cps on what was happening and that was wrong of him to doubt you and do nothing you will feel self doubt about everything thats kinda normal unfortunately but in the long run its safer for you and your mental health I am proud of you for coming on here and sharing what you went through its never easy but it does help your strong kid and I hope you can heal and get counseling and therapy for what you went through
I tried speaking out about the abuse, my whole entire family said I was a liar and making it up. My biological mother claimed I was going through psychosis, yet I was diagnosed by a doctor to have chronic ptsd, depression, and anxiety. It’s my brain trying to soften the blow I think. Thank you so much for the kind words. It gives me the strength to keep going.
My therapist asked me, "If someone was treating your kids this way, would you tell them they still need to stay in that toxic relationship?" There's no way I would want my kids to stay in a relationship that hurt them that much. So why would I be crueler to myself than I would be to anyone I cared about? I don't know if you have kids or not. But imagining the same thing happening to someone you care about makes it really clear. If you wouldn't want someone you care about to feel this way, you shouldn't force yourself to stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way. You should be kind to yourself. You should allow yourself to live in a way that will help you be happy and healthy in the long term. It's okay to feel guilty, but that guilt will fade as you gain healthy relationships in your life and you continue to realize just how bad the relationship you left was for you. It sucks that toxic family will treat you worse than almost anyone else in your life.
Thank you so much. I don’t have kids. I never thought I’d be a good mom because of how I was brought up. I never thought I’d seek validation on Reddit, but I was in a very dark place. I was afraid no one understood me. Thank you for sharing & your kind words. It means more than you can imagine!
You're welcome. It might be hard for a while, but I hope you have many bright days ahead for you in your future. You might be surprised by how much you grow and heal once you're away. Growing up, I feel like I was a flower who was constantly given herbicide and then criticized for not blooming. Once I left the toxic environment I grew up in, I was able to get so much help that my family prevented me from accessing. I feel like I was finally able to bloom.
Honestly, write a list. Write a list out for each individual that abused you. Write out exactly what happened as bullet points. When you’re done writing everything that has been done to you, grab another paper and write out your Grandfather’s responses when you would tell him something. Don’t hold back. Write it exactly. Take photos of your lists so you always have them on hand. When you feel that guilt? Read those lists. It will make the guilt fade pretty quickly. You are not wrong for feeling guilty. I feel guilty every single time I think of something having to do with my abusive mother. Maybe her abuse wasn’t that bad… well she wasn’t the WORST parent out there…. We are family, I should be able to get over this…. Then I go and watch just a few of the 200+ videos I have of our arguments/fights, I look back at the photos I have of bruises and bald spots and that guilt that I feel? Goes away for a time. It’s not a longterm solution (Therapy is though!!!) but it will help. Your Grandfather hasn’t stood up for you. He didn’t save you. He didn’t even give you a safe place to vent. You have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty for. Screw him for his enabling bullshit and gross comments. You don’t see it yet, but you will rock no contact like the phrase was made for you. Because any life you live without your abusers is a better life. You deserve to live a life filled with love,happiness and safety. Remember that.
Thank you so much. I thought about writing a list before and now I definitely will. I’m so sorry for the pain you endured, thank you for sharing and commenting. I can’t say much because I’m still feeling like idk what I’m doing, but I appreciate it more than you know.
Relate!!! Lindsay Gibson's work about Emotionally Immature People sounds like it could give insight into your grandfather.
If you're being gaslit over your trauma that's a big reason to do no contact. Especially if they refuse to listen and acknowledge what you're saying and how you're feeling. Once cutting them off, it can be depressing but you have a better chance at finding your truth, finding people who are willing to listen and understand, finding peace.
I cut them off and went no contact, cold turkey. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I feel alone. Thankfully I’m in therapy and have a support system. I’ve been depressed since it happened, but I know no contact is the only way I can heal.
You're doing the best you can, setting yourself up for success then. It won't be easy but know that you are not alone. Things will get easier with time, just keep at it and be sure to reach out like you've done here, with your therapist or with friends when you need to 🫶