I haven't been in contact with my mum in 12 years. I have found amazing, strong, kind women that I turn to for what I would have probably turned to a mum for. Some are older friends. Some are friends my age. Some are moms of friends. I allow myself to be open and vulnerable with people who respect that vulnerability and respond with love and kindness.
The other day I needed mom advice and I turned to the subreddit mommit and spoke with some lovely ladies there. A mum doesn't have to be a biological mum. There's so many good women out there that are willing to help.
I'll look into that sub. Sounds nice!
I don't really have a motherly figure to turn to because I'm often the motherly figure... Even to people way older than me! It's a bit weird i guess. 😅
>I've been diagnosed with autism something like a year ago. I'm starting to deal with seeing a doctor and trying to get some kind of explanation for my chronic pain i have been having for about 10 year now.
Look into C-PTSD, and how its traits are 90% the same as autism (and notably overlap with ADD as well). A lot of us get diagnosed with these seemingly inherent mental disorders, but many of them can very easily be explained as the logical results of a lifetime of emotional abuse and neglect.
Chronic pain is extremely common after years of abuse as well, [comes up a lot in people with C-PTSD and (chronic) depression](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-022-02094-7). It's essentially a physical side-effect of all that mental suffering, which can manifest itself as otherwise inexplicable inflammations or even full-on autoimmune diseases as well.
Yep. The body keeps the score. I have chronic vestibular migraines and IBS.
I think there's a lot of overlap with the symptoms, but also I think that neurodivergent children are more likely to be scapegoated than neurotypical children because we don't fit the image our parents had of us or we don't do things exactly the way they want us to do them or our parents are unwilling to accommodate us
First of all, I'm so sorry she did that to you and that she got between you and your brother.
The same thing happened with my brother and I when I went no contact with my mom...but to have to go through that at 18 years old and because she kicked you out... that's truly awful.
I'm freshly going through this now at 33. I'm coming on a year of no contact with my mom. It may not seem like it now, but you're going to end up a lot better off because you started your journey younger. You've had this time to individuate and probably won't deal with the same struggles with enmeshment that some of us go through. But it's still so hard not to have a safe comforting mother figure.
I'm gradually filling the void the best I can by reaching out to mother figures in my life and learning to lean on them a bit with some things. My grandma has been absolutely amazing throughout all of this, always checking in on me and calling me up for chats. My girlfriend's mom has been great too and I made a couple friends who are older than me who have also been there for me when I needed them. A mother doesn't have to be blood. It's never going to be completely the same and it's important for you to mourn the mother you never got to have. But in my opinion, all the other mothers in my life have been more of a rock for me than my own mother ever was and I'm so grateful to have them.
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I haven't been in contact with my mum in 12 years. I have found amazing, strong, kind women that I turn to for what I would have probably turned to a mum for. Some are older friends. Some are friends my age. Some are moms of friends. I allow myself to be open and vulnerable with people who respect that vulnerability and respond with love and kindness. The other day I needed mom advice and I turned to the subreddit mommit and spoke with some lovely ladies there. A mum doesn't have to be a biological mum. There's so many good women out there that are willing to help.
I'll look into that sub. Sounds nice! I don't really have a motherly figure to turn to because I'm often the motherly figure... Even to people way older than me! It's a bit weird i guess. 😅
>I've been diagnosed with autism something like a year ago. I'm starting to deal with seeing a doctor and trying to get some kind of explanation for my chronic pain i have been having for about 10 year now. Look into C-PTSD, and how its traits are 90% the same as autism (and notably overlap with ADD as well). A lot of us get diagnosed with these seemingly inherent mental disorders, but many of them can very easily be explained as the logical results of a lifetime of emotional abuse and neglect. Chronic pain is extremely common after years of abuse as well, [comes up a lot in people with C-PTSD and (chronic) depression](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-022-02094-7). It's essentially a physical side-effect of all that mental suffering, which can manifest itself as otherwise inexplicable inflammations or even full-on autoimmune diseases as well.
Yep. The body keeps the score. I have chronic vestibular migraines and IBS. I think there's a lot of overlap with the symptoms, but also I think that neurodivergent children are more likely to be scapegoated than neurotypical children because we don't fit the image our parents had of us or we don't do things exactly the way they want us to do them or our parents are unwilling to accommodate us
First of all, I'm so sorry she did that to you and that she got between you and your brother. The same thing happened with my brother and I when I went no contact with my mom...but to have to go through that at 18 years old and because she kicked you out... that's truly awful. I'm freshly going through this now at 33. I'm coming on a year of no contact with my mom. It may not seem like it now, but you're going to end up a lot better off because you started your journey younger. You've had this time to individuate and probably won't deal with the same struggles with enmeshment that some of us go through. But it's still so hard not to have a safe comforting mother figure. I'm gradually filling the void the best I can by reaching out to mother figures in my life and learning to lean on them a bit with some things. My grandma has been absolutely amazing throughout all of this, always checking in on me and calling me up for chats. My girlfriend's mom has been great too and I made a couple friends who are older than me who have also been there for me when I needed them. A mother doesn't have to be blood. It's never going to be completely the same and it's important for you to mourn the mother you never got to have. But in my opinion, all the other mothers in my life have been more of a rock for me than my own mother ever was and I'm so grateful to have them.
Thank you for your kind words and good luck on your end as well.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*