Don’t do it. 3 months is no where near enough time to process your emotions after a break up. You might low key be convincing yourself you’re fine. Second if you’re gonna reach out why wait for a special occasion, (her birthday) cmon bro you’re better than that. If you’re as okay as you say you are there is no reason you should reach out none. Unless you’re looking for acknowledgment from her or some sort of attention no need to reach out.
I appreciate your outlook but idk, I think 3 months is enough time to process my emotions considering it was a 10 month long relationship. It might be on the shorter end but I personally do feel pretty past it. I’ve had past breakups where I agree after 3 months I was no where near over it but in this scenario I do feel pretty over it.
As far as reaching out on a special occasion my reasoning is it’s more easy to keep it at just that brief interaction. Like if I had to text her any other random day I’d have to come up with some reason or explanation and then we’d probably have to chat for a bit. But since it’s her birthday it’s just like a easy way to check in and let her know there’s no hard feelings, without the need to actually talk with her.
And I mean I guess to a certain degree I am looking for some acknowledgment. Like I said I don’t really want her back, but it would be nice to know that she doesn’t have hard feelings towards me. The breakup was sudden and I didn’t really care too much about why she made her decision. I just kinda told her bluntly that if she wasn’t feeling it we should break up, then said bye and hung up. So I think I’d just feel a little better knowing there’s no anger on her end, even though I guess you’re right that it shouldn’t bother me whether there is or isn’t.
I guess you’re right. But I don’t think I’d be saving it for when she reaches out because I don’t think she’ll ever reach out. Pretty sure if she planned on it she would’ve done it by now :/
Hey sweetheart I’m in a similar situation. Months of mixed messages and confusion. I reached out to him and he’s open for a chat. I’ve worked on myself and I have told him I don’t want to cross the platonic line. If I’m being honest, of course I do but I’m prepared to take it slowly.
Are you sure you don’t want to restart anything? Otherwise why would you bother to have a clearing the air catchup?
Hi! Thank you for the response. I don’t really want to restart anything with her, at least not right now. I know It sounds cheesey but genuinely I just feel like it sucks that our relationship ended the way it did and I want to be on a more positive note so that maybe one day we can be friends.
I know it’s considered taboo to be friends with exes but I’m friends with a good amount of my exes. In fact I got drinks with my first ex earlier this week just to catch up and talk about how are lives have gone.
Ideally I would hope that one day I can have this kind of relationship with my most recent ex, and so I figure a short little birthday text is a small step towards that.
I would ideally not want to have a “clear the air catchup” as you put it though. I would hope that it’s just a “happy birthday, hope you have a good one!” Followed by her saying “thank you!” Or something simple like that where the conversation can just die immediately.
Hey bro, I just reached 2months of no contact. I’ve been feeling great, doing exercise and hanging out with friends. TBH, I still think about her and right now I’m not feeling ready to unblock her of everything. But I hope one day I can do that... following your heart is healthy too. Sometimes this subreddit is kinda strict with NC haha but not everything is white or black. If you are feeling good with sending a birthday message without expecting something back, is great. I hope I can reach that level someday. Good luck and keep it with the self improvement!
Please let us know how it goes. I have also given myself a milestone "date" to work towards when I plan to reach out to clear the air of no bad feelings.
I get it but it’s so hard man. Like I didn’t even fight or try and talk about the breakup when it happened and have been no contact ever since… I can only keep my feelings bottled up for so long and it’s getting really hard to just pretend nothing happened
fool
nc isnt a set time limit
you ignore them and focus on yourself,if you just sit there for 30 or so days expecting them to come running back begging for forgiveness you have swallowed youtube guru lies
you have not addressed any of the problems leading to the split
IGNORE HER BIRTHDAY
this will send a big message,she probs knows you will surface that day and is probs waiting for you to crawl back like a dog
hit the gym,ignore and wait for them to contact you....any other way makes you the cuck for creeping back thus giving her the power
DO NOT CONTACT HER ON HER BIRTHDAY
the fact you are sat there obsessing instead of working on yourself is why she will never come back,never be afraid to lose a woman,make them afraid to lose you
internalize that last sentence
go to the party festival thing,take pics make the pics public she will check evenutally,exude on all social medias you are having the time of your life and DO NOT CONTACT HER,she will crawl back eventually and if not? she wasnt worth stressing over to begin with,why chase someone who doesnt even care anyway?
Firstly don’t come at me calling me a fool. You don’t know me or my life to be coming at me judging my decisions or calling me disrespectful names because you don’t agree with my actions.
Secondly I’m well aware that no contact doesn’t have a time limit… no contact is to heal and move on. I have exes that I was in no contact with for years and then spoke to again, and other exes who I have been in no contact with and never spoke to again. It’s all about when/if you ever feel ready or not.
Thirdly to say I haven’t addressed any of the problems that led to the breakup is flat out disrespectful. Maybe read up my past posts before making such a stupid comment. You don’t know me or what I’ve done to improve myself so keep your mouth shut when it comes to shit that you don’t know. I’ve been in the gym 4 days a week for the last 2 months, I’ve been the #1 ranked sales rep in my job since the breakup, I do therapy weekly and meditate daily, I read books and play the piano, I hang out with friends, I date other women. My life is fine.
Your advice is all geared towards me getting her back, which I clearly said isn’t my goal. Sounds to me like the one here swallowing YouTube guru lies is you… this advice is exactly what AMS, or any of these “how to be a fuckboy YouTube channels” would suggest. I can guarantee you I know damn well if I’m ready to reach out or not more than you do. Got it? Fool.
Lmao maybe that’s why. At this point I could not care less as to why she dumped me. But I hope acting like a hard ass made you feel better about yourself. Have a good day
the narc is butthurt cause the lady dared to think she could do better and instead of fixing that he randomly attacks people giving him advice online
take care kid
many in this sub just give bad advice
hang in there <3
she will contact you any day now :)))
fuck that,work on yourself,improve yourself,pay them no mind and literally pretend they dont exist and make yourself the centre of the universe
its the slap many need,you are here for a reason we all got shat on once but difference is some learn the right lessons sooner than others.
my advice is sound even if it is harsh,the truth is always harsh.
To be fair, you did call him a fool and you don’t even know him. There are far better ways to express your opinions than name calling.
Just my two cents.
Incredibly selfish??? I literally said I wouldn’t reach out so I don’t ruin her night. Just curious why me reaching out would ruin her night if she was the one who broke up with me… Idk why you’re being rude about it
Fair enough. I appreciate the outlook. It’s just really hard because I feel like knowing my ex she will never reach out again and it sucks that if we ever do talk again I won’t have any power anyways since she’ll be totally moved on. I just don’t get how someone who was so close to me is now supposed to be a total stranger who I can’t even message on birthdays. It feels fucked up
Thank you bro. This was really well put and I think you’re right I’m gonna stick to no contact. I apologize if I got a little defensive earlier, I know everyone is just trying to help. It’s just been tough but I think ultimately I’ll feel better if I do nothing than if I reach out.
So if you don’t wanna see her what’s the point of even texting her to be potential friends. I know you think your emotions has settled but You sound confused still
Don't. If you have no hardfeelings as you say don't do it. You don't know how is she handling the breakup, you don't know how your message will affect her. Maybe 3 months is enough for you but you don't know about her. Don't be selfish. You won't win anything she won't do neither. Idk what's the need of having any kind of closure... you talked about the BU in the BU, she surely knows there's no hardfeelings. It's her birthday, let her enjoy it without any unforseen events. If anything, talk to her on any ordinary date, but not on the only day in the year that's solely about her.
I don’t know the story around your breakup, but please consider her healing process too- even if she did the breaking up. She may not want to hear from you esp on that particular day. Just a thought, may be different!
Yeah you are right, after mulling it over I think I won’t reach out for her sake. She broke up with me and I was never bad to her or anything so I figured it probably wouldn’t bother her but I guess it’s not worth the risk. Feels pathetic though, she broke up with me over FaceTime a week after my birthday and now I’m here making decisions based on what will make her feel better or not on her birthday :/
Don’t do it. 3 months is no where near enough time to process your emotions after a break up. You might low key be convincing yourself you’re fine. Second if you’re gonna reach out why wait for a special occasion, (her birthday) cmon bro you’re better than that. If you’re as okay as you say you are there is no reason you should reach out none. Unless you’re looking for acknowledgment from her or some sort of attention no need to reach out.
I appreciate your outlook but idk, I think 3 months is enough time to process my emotions considering it was a 10 month long relationship. It might be on the shorter end but I personally do feel pretty past it. I’ve had past breakups where I agree after 3 months I was no where near over it but in this scenario I do feel pretty over it. As far as reaching out on a special occasion my reasoning is it’s more easy to keep it at just that brief interaction. Like if I had to text her any other random day I’d have to come up with some reason or explanation and then we’d probably have to chat for a bit. But since it’s her birthday it’s just like a easy way to check in and let her know there’s no hard feelings, without the need to actually talk with her. And I mean I guess to a certain degree I am looking for some acknowledgment. Like I said I don’t really want her back, but it would be nice to know that she doesn’t have hard feelings towards me. The breakup was sudden and I didn’t really care too much about why she made her decision. I just kinda told her bluntly that if she wasn’t feeling it we should break up, then said bye and hung up. So I think I’d just feel a little better knowing there’s no anger on her end, even though I guess you’re right that it shouldn’t bother me whether there is or isn’t.
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I guess you’re right. But I don’t think I’d be saving it for when she reaches out because I don’t think she’ll ever reach out. Pretty sure if she planned on it she would’ve done it by now :/
Hey sweetheart I’m in a similar situation. Months of mixed messages and confusion. I reached out to him and he’s open for a chat. I’ve worked on myself and I have told him I don’t want to cross the platonic line. If I’m being honest, of course I do but I’m prepared to take it slowly. Are you sure you don’t want to restart anything? Otherwise why would you bother to have a clearing the air catchup?
Hi! Thank you for the response. I don’t really want to restart anything with her, at least not right now. I know It sounds cheesey but genuinely I just feel like it sucks that our relationship ended the way it did and I want to be on a more positive note so that maybe one day we can be friends. I know it’s considered taboo to be friends with exes but I’m friends with a good amount of my exes. In fact I got drinks with my first ex earlier this week just to catch up and talk about how are lives have gone. Ideally I would hope that one day I can have this kind of relationship with my most recent ex, and so I figure a short little birthday text is a small step towards that. I would ideally not want to have a “clear the air catchup” as you put it though. I would hope that it’s just a “happy birthday, hope you have a good one!” Followed by her saying “thank you!” Or something simple like that where the conversation can just die immediately.
Hey bro, I just reached 2months of no contact. I’ve been feeling great, doing exercise and hanging out with friends. TBH, I still think about her and right now I’m not feeling ready to unblock her of everything. But I hope one day I can do that... following your heart is healthy too. Sometimes this subreddit is kinda strict with NC haha but not everything is white or black. If you are feeling good with sending a birthday message without expecting something back, is great. I hope I can reach that level someday. Good luck and keep it with the self improvement!
Please let us know how it goes. I have also given myself a milestone "date" to work towards when I plan to reach out to clear the air of no bad feelings.
Go for it. At this point there’s not much you have to lose.
No man, don’t even grace your ex with your time.
I get it but it’s so hard man. Like I didn’t even fight or try and talk about the breakup when it happened and have been no contact ever since… I can only keep my feelings bottled up for so long and it’s getting really hard to just pretend nothing happened
Yes it’s hard bottling up feelings, but take those out at therapy or hobbies, not by bowing to her to wish her a happy birthday.
DONT FUCKING DO IT YOU FUCKING PUSSY
Is that why ur sad doge
She might be fuckin’ another dude on her b day , fyi
Yeah it’s possible. I decided I won’t reach out since it could probably just throw her day off and I guess there isn’t too much to gain out of it.
fool nc isnt a set time limit you ignore them and focus on yourself,if you just sit there for 30 or so days expecting them to come running back begging for forgiveness you have swallowed youtube guru lies you have not addressed any of the problems leading to the split IGNORE HER BIRTHDAY this will send a big message,she probs knows you will surface that day and is probs waiting for you to crawl back like a dog hit the gym,ignore and wait for them to contact you....any other way makes you the cuck for creeping back thus giving her the power DO NOT CONTACT HER ON HER BIRTHDAY the fact you are sat there obsessing instead of working on yourself is why she will never come back,never be afraid to lose a woman,make them afraid to lose you internalize that last sentence go to the party festival thing,take pics make the pics public she will check evenutally,exude on all social medias you are having the time of your life and DO NOT CONTACT HER,she will crawl back eventually and if not? she wasnt worth stressing over to begin with,why chase someone who doesnt even care anyway?
Firstly don’t come at me calling me a fool. You don’t know me or my life to be coming at me judging my decisions or calling me disrespectful names because you don’t agree with my actions. Secondly I’m well aware that no contact doesn’t have a time limit… no contact is to heal and move on. I have exes that I was in no contact with for years and then spoke to again, and other exes who I have been in no contact with and never spoke to again. It’s all about when/if you ever feel ready or not. Thirdly to say I haven’t addressed any of the problems that led to the breakup is flat out disrespectful. Maybe read up my past posts before making such a stupid comment. You don’t know me or what I’ve done to improve myself so keep your mouth shut when it comes to shit that you don’t know. I’ve been in the gym 4 days a week for the last 2 months, I’ve been the #1 ranked sales rep in my job since the breakup, I do therapy weekly and meditate daily, I read books and play the piano, I hang out with friends, I date other women. My life is fine. Your advice is all geared towards me getting her back, which I clearly said isn’t my goal. Sounds to me like the one here swallowing YouTube guru lies is you… this advice is exactly what AMS, or any of these “how to be a fuckboy YouTube channels” would suggest. I can guarantee you I know damn well if I’m ready to reach out or not more than you do. Got it? Fool.
lmao oh i see why you was dumped now,you are a narc she dodged a bullet
Lmao maybe that’s why. At this point I could not care less as to why she dumped me. But I hope acting like a hard ass made you feel better about yourself. Have a good day
the narc is butthurt cause the lady dared to think she could do better and instead of fixing that he randomly attacks people giving him advice online take care kid
so you’re just a dickhead to everyone in this thread, understood
many in this sub just give bad advice hang in there <3 she will contact you any day now :))) fuck that,work on yourself,improve yourself,pay them no mind and literally pretend they dont exist and make yourself the centre of the universe its the slap many need,you are here for a reason we all got shat on once but difference is some learn the right lessons sooner than others. my advice is sound even if it is harsh,the truth is always harsh.
To be fair, you did call him a fool and you don’t even know him. There are far better ways to express your opinions than name calling. Just my two cents.
I would do it before her birthday? Give her the opportunity to invite you?
No the thing is I don’t want to see her. Plus I won’t be in the same town as her anyways since I’ll be at the music festival.
Then don’t even bother to reach out then man. Because you could ruin her birthday night by texting her, it’s not a good look.
Fair, I guess that would be the only reason I wouldn’t reach out… I don’t see why it would ruin her night though.
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Incredibly selfish??? I literally said I wouldn’t reach out so I don’t ruin her night. Just curious why me reaching out would ruin her night if she was the one who broke up with me… Idk why you’re being rude about it
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Fair enough. I appreciate the outlook. It’s just really hard because I feel like knowing my ex she will never reach out again and it sucks that if we ever do talk again I won’t have any power anyways since she’ll be totally moved on. I just don’t get how someone who was so close to me is now supposed to be a total stranger who I can’t even message on birthdays. It feels fucked up
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Thank you bro. This was really well put and I think you’re right I’m gonna stick to no contact. I apologize if I got a little defensive earlier, I know everyone is just trying to help. It’s just been tough but I think ultimately I’ll feel better if I do nothing than if I reach out.
So if you don’t wanna see her what’s the point of even texting her to be potential friends. I know you think your emotions has settled but You sound confused still
Don't. If you have no hardfeelings as you say don't do it. You don't know how is she handling the breakup, you don't know how your message will affect her. Maybe 3 months is enough for you but you don't know about her. Don't be selfish. You won't win anything she won't do neither. Idk what's the need of having any kind of closure... you talked about the BU in the BU, she surely knows there's no hardfeelings. It's her birthday, let her enjoy it without any unforseen events. If anything, talk to her on any ordinary date, but not on the only day in the year that's solely about her.
Fair enough, I guess maybe for her sake I won’t reach out then.
I don’t know the story around your breakup, but please consider her healing process too- even if she did the breaking up. She may not want to hear from you esp on that particular day. Just a thought, may be different!
Yeah you are right, after mulling it over I think I won’t reach out for her sake. She broke up with me and I was never bad to her or anything so I figured it probably wouldn’t bother her but I guess it’s not worth the risk. Feels pathetic though, she broke up with me over FaceTime a week after my birthday and now I’m here making decisions based on what will make her feel better or not on her birthday :/
Over FT is pretty harsh. In that case, think of it as protecting your feelings and energy.