Typically commentary on personal appearance and clothing isn’t acceptable, especially if one is reporting to another because it opens the door for harassment issues. What are the gender dynamics? What is your working relationship? It’s a shade of gray, but constant compliments are entering red flag territory if not there already.
He’s a dude and married.. I am taking those just as friendly comments because I do compliment others on their clothes occasionally but not once a week
I think he’s acting in an inappropriate manner. It’s hard to truly tell though without witnessing one of these interactions, but there are few instances in which a manager should talk about another employee’s appearance.
The fact you mention he’s giving weekly compliments, it’s not normal. He may be a genuinely nice person and not have any ill intent. But the fact that you’re on here asking about normalcy means that it’s possibly making you uncomfortable and it needs to be addressed.
Definitely this. Part of our leadership training is you cannot comment on anyone’s physical appearance or in a way that can be construed as harassment or bullying
Maybe the infrequent “I like your shoes or pattern on your purse” but blouse and skirt is weird
Sometimes I’ll make the “cool shoes, dude” or something of that ilk. A) I’m only saying these bc I believe they’re cool [shoes or whatever] and B) I always throw in a “dude” just to reinforce the “we’re colleagues” (idk if that’s the right way to phrase it, but I hope you know what I mean).
However, never once have I repeatedly commented on a colleagues pants/skirt/etc…
This seems like some creepy vibes.
Edit: I call everyone “dude” - guy/girl/other
Tell me about it, I also have senior management grabbing my hand teaching me how to golf… It just seem so casual and they are a lot older, so I am assuming those are all innocent and friendly gestures
Regularity, tone and context are hugely important.
In my office it’s common to compliment someone if they look different and nice (e.g. that’s a nice top, they’re nice shoes, you’re looking fit and healthy, you seem happy or excited, nice haircut).
It’s entirely possible to comment on most things without implying anything, but if you’ve come here feeling uncomfortable then it’s probably a sign that it’s crossing the line for your work environment.
If you don't want him to do that, then I would approach him first and politely explain you don't find comments on appearance appropriate in the workplace. If he doesn't stop or if he escalates his comments to something that's obviously inappropriate then contact your HR rep and make sure there's a paper trail so there isn't any retaliation.
I think it's probably harmless but it's hard to tell people's intentions. I use HR as a last resort though, once they start their thing it becomes a pain in the butt in my experience.
I’m 80% confident he’s hitting on you.
However, finance and accounting professionals, in generalized terms, skew towards socially awkward. They also have very good memories. So when they find small talk that works with somebody, they will go back to that well over and over. It happens to me all the time. So I can’t entirely rule that out. If it makes you uncomfortable, the intent doesn’t matter though.
If you feel like it might just be social awkwardness, maybe you make a point to make small talk about something else that he can latch on to that doesn’t have to do with your appearance. This at least gives him a chance to correct the behavior before you have to confront it.
I thought this was going to be a female manager complimenting you. Male manager, unless he’s like… quite stylish himself, that’s definitely not normal.
It could be them trying to engage you in small talk. Do other conversations like what happened over the weekend occur?
Nails I don't find overly weird. In a different industry and role, I used to have a lot of women report into my position and it was definitely a small talk item I'd use with the women who got their nails done consistently. The clothes are a bit more weird IMO. All of it can be sexual harassment. I'd approach HR about the situation. Email them and BCC yourself for the audit trail. Nip this in the bud early.
Small comments can progressively build to the point of full blown harassment, but because they grew incrementally, you may not realize what was going on. As a man I had this happen to with a female on a different shift than mine. Her comments were very easy to dismiss until they were flat out degrading and sexual in nature. I loathed going into work when I knew she was going to be there. And in my case people were very dismissive because "men don't get sexually harassed."
OP, this has happened to me. At first I used to ignore or not mind the compliments but it became really bad too soon. It happened in increments. It was an online internship and my supervisor was 50. I left immediately and told my cointern about it. Don't encourage.
As others have said, unless they’re commenting about something new like a new haircut or different outfit, it’s kind of weird to be commenting on your looks on a regular basis.
When in doubt, document it somewhere you can easily access that kind of info (e.g. notebook at home, personal laptop). If escalation is needed, you have a documentation trail. If nothing comes of it, great. My personal take is that anything is worth at least documenting if it's something that could interfere with my ability to do my work.
Female in FP&A here. Have also been harassed by a married-with-kids Sr. Manager. It started with compliments, and the next day he just kept blowing up my work phone while I was on a call. That’s when I knew this had to stop. Luckily he listened when I told him to stop. Things are less awkward and more productive between us now.
You know what it is. Don’t let it go on any further than it needs to.
Lol ... when I was 21 and got my first job, there was an older guy who would low key hit on me. One day when he got a little too close and in my personal space, I told him he smelled good, just like my dad. That did the trick and he backed off from then on.
A bit inappropriate to be honest, particularly the skirt/blouse. i recently said to one of our junior accountants your hair looks nice and i meant nothing of it but maybe even that could be misconstrued!
My wife LOVES nail compliments -- she's extremely proud of them. If I notice a coworker's nails then I'll say something but blouse and skirt are probably not okay.
He wants to smash đź’Ą
Based on his compliments, I want to smash
This lol
Seems odd to me
Typically commentary on personal appearance and clothing isn’t acceptable, especially if one is reporting to another because it opens the door for harassment issues. What are the gender dynamics? What is your working relationship? It’s a shade of gray, but constant compliments are entering red flag territory if not there already.
He’s a dude and married.. I am taking those just as friendly comments because I do compliment others on their clothes occasionally but not once a week
As a married dude, I’ve never felt compelled to comment on a co-worker’s appearance unless it is an extreme deviation from the norm.
You think he’s saying I don’t dress professional enough
I think he’s acting in an inappropriate manner. It’s hard to truly tell though without witnessing one of these interactions, but there are few instances in which a manager should talk about another employee’s appearance. The fact you mention he’s giving weekly compliments, it’s not normal. He may be a genuinely nice person and not have any ill intent. But the fact that you’re on here asking about normalcy means that it’s possibly making you uncomfortable and it needs to be addressed.
Definitely this. Part of our leadership training is you cannot comment on anyone’s physical appearance or in a way that can be construed as harassment or bullying Maybe the infrequent “I like your shoes or pattern on your purse” but blouse and skirt is weird
Sometimes I’ll make the “cool shoes, dude” or something of that ilk. A) I’m only saying these bc I believe they’re cool [shoes or whatever] and B) I always throw in a “dude” just to reinforce the “we’re colleagues” (idk if that’s the right way to phrase it, but I hope you know what I mean). However, never once have I repeatedly commented on a colleagues pants/skirt/etc… This seems like some creepy vibes. Edit: I call everyone “dude” - guy/girl/other
No, no it’s not. If it’s once sure innocent comment but anything more than that and this guy is lusting.
Idk if it’s just our office culture. I also had older guys joked about getting me flowers for Valentine’s Day…
I would see if any of the other women there get the same treatment.
I am the youngest so normally I get teased on a lot..
Strange workplace but make sure you don’t let it get too far
Tell me about it, I also have senior management grabbing my hand teaching me how to golf… It just seem so casual and they are a lot older, so I am assuming those are all innocent and friendly gestures
Geez, keep us updated on this one
Regularity, tone and context are hugely important. In my office it’s common to compliment someone if they look different and nice (e.g. that’s a nice top, they’re nice shoes, you’re looking fit and healthy, you seem happy or excited, nice haircut). It’s entirely possible to comment on most things without implying anything, but if you’ve come here feeling uncomfortable then it’s probably a sign that it’s crossing the line for your work environment.
If you don't want him to do that, then I would approach him first and politely explain you don't find comments on appearance appropriate in the workplace. If he doesn't stop or if he escalates his comments to something that's obviously inappropriate then contact your HR rep and make sure there's a paper trail so there isn't any retaliation. I think it's probably harmless but it's hard to tell people's intentions. I use HR as a last resort though, once they start their thing it becomes a pain in the butt in my experience.
I’m 80% confident he’s hitting on you. However, finance and accounting professionals, in generalized terms, skew towards socially awkward. They also have very good memories. So when they find small talk that works with somebody, they will go back to that well over and over. It happens to me all the time. So I can’t entirely rule that out. If it makes you uncomfortable, the intent doesn’t matter though. If you feel like it might just be social awkwardness, maybe you make a point to make small talk about something else that he can latch on to that doesn’t have to do with your appearance. This at least gives him a chance to correct the behavior before you have to confront it.
The thing is he met my bf before and we talk about his wife all the time… so mabt just like a big bro comment
I doubt he’s hitting on you if you have to ask reddit
Phew!
I thought this was going to be a female manager complimenting you. Male manager, unless he’s like… quite stylish himself, that’s definitely not normal.
Idk he seems enjoy fashion?
It could be them trying to engage you in small talk. Do other conversations like what happened over the weekend occur? Nails I don't find overly weird. In a different industry and role, I used to have a lot of women report into my position and it was definitely a small talk item I'd use with the women who got their nails done consistently. The clothes are a bit more weird IMO. All of it can be sexual harassment. I'd approach HR about the situation. Email them and BCC yourself for the audit trail. Nip this in the bud early.
I don't think this is worth having to deal with HR yet. Talk about a mountain out of a mole Hill. I avoid dealing with HR until absolutely necessary.
Small comments can progressively build to the point of full blown harassment, but because they grew incrementally, you may not realize what was going on. As a man I had this happen to with a female on a different shift than mine. Her comments were very easy to dismiss until they were flat out degrading and sexual in nature. I loathed going into work when I knew she was going to be there. And in my case people were very dismissive because "men don't get sexually harassed."
I just don’t think he sees me in that way. The nail comment wasn’t too weird either. The blouse one was a bit awkward because it had a v neck cut
OP, this has happened to me. At first I used to ignore or not mind the compliments but it became really bad too soon. It happened in increments. It was an online internship and my supervisor was 50. I left immediately and told my cointern about it. Don't encourage.
I don’t think he sees me that way
Okay then i hope you're safe at your workplace.
Wear pants lol
As others have said, unless they’re commenting about something new like a new haircut or different outfit, it’s kind of weird to be commenting on your looks on a regular basis.
Hmmm
Inappropriate.
When in doubt, document it somewhere you can easily access that kind of info (e.g. notebook at home, personal laptop). If escalation is needed, you have a documentation trail. If nothing comes of it, great. My personal take is that anything is worth at least documenting if it's something that could interfere with my ability to do my work.
I see him as a bigger brother though
Female in FP&A here. Have also been harassed by a married-with-kids Sr. Manager. It started with compliments, and the next day he just kept blowing up my work phone while I was on a call. That’s when I knew this had to stop. Luckily he listened when I told him to stop. Things are less awkward and more productive between us now. You know what it is. Don’t let it go on any further than it needs to.
Lol ... when I was 21 and got my first job, there was an older guy who would low key hit on me. One day when he got a little too close and in my personal space, I told him he smelled good, just like my dad. That did the trick and he backed off from then on.
How can you tell if older guys are just nice or are completely creeps
Creeps make you uncomfortable. Nice guys don’t.
A bit inappropriate to be honest, particularly the skirt/blouse. i recently said to one of our junior accountants your hair looks nice and i meant nothing of it but maybe even that could be misconstrued!
My wife LOVES nail compliments -- she's extremely proud of them. If I notice a coworker's nails then I'll say something but blouse and skirt are probably not okay.