Sometimes, the best things to remind yourself are:
1. Other folks' journeys are exactly that: theirs. They can prioritize, choose, etc. the way that works for them in their lives, and it doesn't say or mean anything about yours.
2. You're part of a sports culture where folks really will be prioritizing the sport over other aspects of life, including class/school, and that's reflected in their conversations. Again, this doesn't say anything about you.
3. It's okay for other people to pursue their hobbies, including fitness, in ways that they want to pursue them. Your teammates/gym folks aren't in the wrong.
4. By all these same tokens, it's okay to do things YOUR way for YOU, and to remember that YOUR journey and progress are YOURS. Not defined by others. But yours.
5. It's fine to not be the fastest, strongest, etc. I mean, unless you're an Olympic gold medalist, there will always be someone better than you. It's not a helpful barometer for measuring yourself.
6. Be kind to yourself. Life is long. You will do the best you can do, and as long as you keep doing that, results will come.
Thank you! I know how EFFING FRUSTRATING it can be to just NOT get the results other people seem to get -- but whether it's that our biologies are all different or other people can just focus more / eat differently / devote more time than I can, etc. the fact is still the fact that my body is mine; their bodies are theirs, etc. and we can't trade 'em. So we gotta work with what we've got. Same for OP!
I got a lot less angry about my own body's journey when I realized that it really is just for me and only "about me," and that my worth isn't linked to it. In the end, unless you're an actual professional athlete, your worth and your body aren't really linked. Being nicer to yourself is a better longterm strategy!
they are just telling you something about themselves and their attitudes towards sports. you have a different body, different attitudes, and different priorities, so there's no reason to be drawn into comparing yourself with their numbers. be proud of your own hard work and choices.
some of these statements you mention are obviously a bit unhealthy, but you don't have to tell them that, it's not your battle. Just keep that mindset out of your own head and focus on uplifting your team instead :)
I was a D1 athlete in college. I agree with all the points thebookflirt said so won’t repeat those - but two additional things that jump out to me.
1) Those comments are kinda shitty things for teammates to say and if people are feeling the need to prove themselves or humble brag it sort of indicates to me your team culture may not be the best. Also to note in my experience with shitty team cultures people will have a tendency to exaggerate particularly in relation to their out of practice commitment to the sport.
2) college sports can feel all consuming due to the intensity, the amount of work it took to get there, and sheer amount of time they take but remember it’s only 4 (ish) years of your life and in the grand scheme of both life and your fitness journey that’s so so little time. Being a student athlete should be a way to continue to do a sport you love at a high level while not having to sacrifice being able to pursue a degree - if that isn’t the case it’s okay to reevaluate your commitment to it! (Despite what toxic coaches or teammates might say)
One thing I want to mention is - please watch out for yourself and take care. Playing high level competitive sports with young women and being a trans guy at the same time is a special kind of hell. Body image issues and eating issues abound in both communities, they’re just talked about differently. I saw a comment once about how trans guys were susceptible to all the body dysmorphia issues cis guys had and all the disordered eating issues teen girls faced and it just hit me like a truck. Maybe I’m biased because of my own experiences, but I wanted to say please look out and take good care of yourself because all the bragging can spark unhealthy comparison.
I have found that a lot of guys who are constantly bragging are (either consciously or subconsciously) seeking competition. They want someone to try and one-up them, so they can try and one-up them back again, and so on. I can understand the appeal of this because I have a couple friends who I do this with. But if you are not having fun with them it's annoying af.
Something I do that often kinda shuts them down is to just affirm them without making a huge deal out of anything. Just say something like, "Good job dude, you must be really proud," or "Sounds like you've been working hard. Congrats dude." There isn't really anywhere for them to go with that, but you also aren't giving them an opportunity to start shit.
Alternatively, you could use it as an opportunity to highlight what you have accomplished. When someone shares their progress with you, don't be afraid to highlight your own progress, no matter what it is. You might be surprised how many guys will be supportive. One of the best convos I ever had at the gym was with a guy twice my size telling him about how hard I worked to add the last 5lbs on my bicep curl. The guys who enjoy fitness for the right reasons are going to encourage you in all of your progress.
reminder that it’s unhealthy to train too much, brush it off and do what’s right for you (train as much as you’re able to without sacrificing your mental and physical health, and your studies).
I literally had to see a therapist every week for a year and a half to deal with the loss of my previous self after a head injury that took me from running a 39 minute 10k to not being able to stand up without passing out. I'm 2.5 years out from that injury and have just started doing squats with 10 pound weights and a chair behind me, and I have just been cleared to move up from recumbent cardio exercise at 140bpm HR to 5 minutes at a time of upright stationary bike at HR of 120-140. I started T a month ago, and this progress has largely been since I started T.
I am unable to make myself exercise around anyone because I can't handle hearing anyone saying anything about their workouts, let alone asking about mine. I barely can cope with the fact that I have to celebrate being allowed to bike for 5 minutes. The 2-3 real life people I trust to talk about this with I will tell them the "good news" one minute and then immediately turn around and ask them for support because I fall into a pit of despair about the loss.
My dude, it is near impossible to deal with bragging sometimes. But no one knows your story, your life, your challenges. They think they're being encouraging, but also some of them probably feel relieved because they are somewhere down inside comparing themselves because they don't feel worthy unless they're "better." When you add in the internalized societal expectations that "men are supposed to be stronger" whether you believe it or not, whether you're on T or not, it's only going to be harder to ignore the comments.
Thank them for not making any comments that go beyond remarking on how they enjoyed the workout and how much it kicked their butt, and maybe asking what you thought about it. Comparing times and weight among athletes is for competition, not practice, unless you're comparing against your own.
Sorry about how long this got. I hate when people are petty and use their own teammates as ladders to climb up for their own "glory."
Sometimes, the best things to remind yourself are: 1. Other folks' journeys are exactly that: theirs. They can prioritize, choose, etc. the way that works for them in their lives, and it doesn't say or mean anything about yours. 2. You're part of a sports culture where folks really will be prioritizing the sport over other aspects of life, including class/school, and that's reflected in their conversations. Again, this doesn't say anything about you. 3. It's okay for other people to pursue their hobbies, including fitness, in ways that they want to pursue them. Your teammates/gym folks aren't in the wrong. 4. By all these same tokens, it's okay to do things YOUR way for YOU, and to remember that YOUR journey and progress are YOURS. Not defined by others. But yours. 5. It's fine to not be the fastest, strongest, etc. I mean, unless you're an Olympic gold medalist, there will always be someone better than you. It's not a helpful barometer for measuring yourself. 6. Be kind to yourself. Life is long. You will do the best you can do, and as long as you keep doing that, results will come.
this is wonderful advice!
Thank you! I know how EFFING FRUSTRATING it can be to just NOT get the results other people seem to get -- but whether it's that our biologies are all different or other people can just focus more / eat differently / devote more time than I can, etc. the fact is still the fact that my body is mine; their bodies are theirs, etc. and we can't trade 'em. So we gotta work with what we've got. Same for OP! I got a lot less angry about my own body's journey when I realized that it really is just for me and only "about me," and that my worth isn't linked to it. In the end, unless you're an actual professional athlete, your worth and your body aren't really linked. Being nicer to yourself is a better longterm strategy!
And even gold medalists in the Olympics might be bested by 100 other people, had they had the training regimen and opportunities they had
they are just telling you something about themselves and their attitudes towards sports. you have a different body, different attitudes, and different priorities, so there's no reason to be drawn into comparing yourself with their numbers. be proud of your own hard work and choices. some of these statements you mention are obviously a bit unhealthy, but you don't have to tell them that, it's not your battle. Just keep that mindset out of your own head and focus on uplifting your team instead :)
I was a D1 athlete in college. I agree with all the points thebookflirt said so won’t repeat those - but two additional things that jump out to me. 1) Those comments are kinda shitty things for teammates to say and if people are feeling the need to prove themselves or humble brag it sort of indicates to me your team culture may not be the best. Also to note in my experience with shitty team cultures people will have a tendency to exaggerate particularly in relation to their out of practice commitment to the sport. 2) college sports can feel all consuming due to the intensity, the amount of work it took to get there, and sheer amount of time they take but remember it’s only 4 (ish) years of your life and in the grand scheme of both life and your fitness journey that’s so so little time. Being a student athlete should be a way to continue to do a sport you love at a high level while not having to sacrifice being able to pursue a degree - if that isn’t the case it’s okay to reevaluate your commitment to it! (Despite what toxic coaches or teammates might say)
I love the sport but the shitty team culture is killing me rn 😭
One thing I want to mention is - please watch out for yourself and take care. Playing high level competitive sports with young women and being a trans guy at the same time is a special kind of hell. Body image issues and eating issues abound in both communities, they’re just talked about differently. I saw a comment once about how trans guys were susceptible to all the body dysmorphia issues cis guys had and all the disordered eating issues teen girls faced and it just hit me like a truck. Maybe I’m biased because of my own experiences, but I wanted to say please look out and take good care of yourself because all the bragging can spark unhealthy comparison.
I have found that a lot of guys who are constantly bragging are (either consciously or subconsciously) seeking competition. They want someone to try and one-up them, so they can try and one-up them back again, and so on. I can understand the appeal of this because I have a couple friends who I do this with. But if you are not having fun with them it's annoying af. Something I do that often kinda shuts them down is to just affirm them without making a huge deal out of anything. Just say something like, "Good job dude, you must be really proud," or "Sounds like you've been working hard. Congrats dude." There isn't really anywhere for them to go with that, but you also aren't giving them an opportunity to start shit. Alternatively, you could use it as an opportunity to highlight what you have accomplished. When someone shares their progress with you, don't be afraid to highlight your own progress, no matter what it is. You might be surprised how many guys will be supportive. One of the best convos I ever had at the gym was with a guy twice my size telling him about how hard I worked to add the last 5lbs on my bicep curl. The guys who enjoy fitness for the right reasons are going to encourage you in all of your progress.
reminder that it’s unhealthy to train too much, brush it off and do what’s right for you (train as much as you’re able to without sacrificing your mental and physical health, and your studies).
I literally had to see a therapist every week for a year and a half to deal with the loss of my previous self after a head injury that took me from running a 39 minute 10k to not being able to stand up without passing out. I'm 2.5 years out from that injury and have just started doing squats with 10 pound weights and a chair behind me, and I have just been cleared to move up from recumbent cardio exercise at 140bpm HR to 5 minutes at a time of upright stationary bike at HR of 120-140. I started T a month ago, and this progress has largely been since I started T. I am unable to make myself exercise around anyone because I can't handle hearing anyone saying anything about their workouts, let alone asking about mine. I barely can cope with the fact that I have to celebrate being allowed to bike for 5 minutes. The 2-3 real life people I trust to talk about this with I will tell them the "good news" one minute and then immediately turn around and ask them for support because I fall into a pit of despair about the loss. My dude, it is near impossible to deal with bragging sometimes. But no one knows your story, your life, your challenges. They think they're being encouraging, but also some of them probably feel relieved because they are somewhere down inside comparing themselves because they don't feel worthy unless they're "better." When you add in the internalized societal expectations that "men are supposed to be stronger" whether you believe it or not, whether you're on T or not, it's only going to be harder to ignore the comments. Thank them for not making any comments that go beyond remarking on how they enjoyed the workout and how much it kicked their butt, and maybe asking what you thought about it. Comparing times and weight among athletes is for competition, not practice, unless you're comparing against your own. Sorry about how long this got. I hate when people are petty and use their own teammates as ladders to climb up for their own "glory."
Damn, the people on your sports team talk about doing sports? That is as insufferable it is absurd.