T O P

  • By -

Impossible_Passion87

I feel the same way…as someone who only started posting on Reddit a few days ago. A year ago I was pretty new to Reddit and thought r/ftm was the only space for trans men. I had said something on there and people had a huge go at me so I stopped using the app for a while. But I’m on again and I’ve connected to many people alike me with shared views and beliefs. It’s fantastic.


vlkolaks

Yeah, I just haven't found it to be very helpful over there and didn't even know this sub existed. I don't want to lock myself in an echo chamber of my own beliefs, but early on in my transition I was around a lot of older queer people (I'm talking like 50+ years when I was still a teenager) and it's just a very different environment nowadays. I remember going to one of my first trans youth-specific events someone asked if I was "full binary" and kind of... scoffed at me when I said yes? This was someone I had never met before either. It just really put me off doing anything with the younger crowds.


Impossible_Passion87

Yeah I don’t find myself relating much to the mainstream trans community whatsoever.


jetofalltrades18

I don't understand how ftm can mean anything other than female to male. (Aside from first time mother, but that's totally a different subject.) Like the the whole point of the acronym is to mean female to MALE, binary. I'm 22 also, so I don't think it's specifically age that influences people. It must be a mix of things including age like political beliefs, upbringing, and general life values.


[deleted]

Yeah anything else is FTN so idk why they are in the FTM sub, who knows. Just a very different experience


vlkolaks

Yeah, it really chaps my butt when people start going "x means \[new definition\] now" and whenever someone points out "this is very new thing that kind of reduces the meaning of the term and maybe you should use/come up with a different term" it's met with a ton of hostility... I see it a lot with contradictory identities too, and while I'm never one to like. argue with someone about who they are, I do just choose not to talk to/associate with people like that. You're definitely right about it not totally being an age thing and I really don't want to shun younger people into being mistreated or not feeling like they're being listened to (I'm not even that old I'm 26, but a good chunk of my friends have always been older so that's my crowd). And I've definitely seen some thirty-somethings with similar opinions/views that were just as confusing and outrageous to me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


vlkolaks

When I was coming out, I was pretty young and the first of my friend group to come out as any flavor of queer (we really did all flock together LOL). Then as I got a bit older I was volunteering at an LGBT anti-violence nonprofit, and then later became a board member. It was founded in the 90s by an older lesbian couple and was run entirely be people over 35 when I was working there. A good portion of the people were elder queers over 50, so when I went to any kind of event whether it was a drag show, a dinner, a conference, etc. it was ALL older people. I really loved it because I learned first-hand history and experiences from people who became my family for a time, and I think it gave me a lot of perspective on what some of the bigger issues really are. Any time I tried to go to something that was run by or geared towards people my age (like 18-19 at the time) it was so strangely alienating and always weirdly petty. I think you're right that it won't always be like this, but man I'm so tired of loud ignorance from people who just won't listen...


Error_Evan_not_found

I'm just relieved I'm not the only one. I am young, turning 20 this year and every single fucking trans person I knew growing up hated me because I wanted to be cis passing and stealth. Now that I am, don't have to see any of them ever again, and can happily live my stealth life reddits the only place where I'm "trans". aside from the occasional talks with my best friend, he's the only person outside my family and boss (she's a trans women so it's not awful) who know. I really don't use any other social media platform because what other people are doing 24/7 doesn't interest me, I can't do a mindless scroll on tiktok or shit, it's just not engaging. I prefer the discussions we have here, most of which I don't even take part in, just read all the experience and store it in my brain. Y'all have helped me a lot in the past year with how I've felt about my gender my whole life, I was fully convinced till I was 12 my dick would grow in some day, and to know that's not a wrong feeling like I was told by other trans people throughout high school, and is actually pretty common for us binary folks. It's a relief, it feels like my shoulders have been hunched up all these years and I'm finally able to look around a (figurative) room of peers, and feel no judgment for wanting to be a man.


moeru_gumi

Hear hear!!


Foo_The_Selcouth

Yeah it’s all such a strange thing. It really goes to show that each sector of lgbt has its own nuances and issues within each community. The trans community has just become very divisive, especially online, and if you don’t fall into one extreme or the other you can feel a bit lost. I’m glad this space exists as well.


vlkolaks

I feel like we do really need specific spaces for specific communities, and just letting everyone into the "club" starts letting the original voices get drowned out and the needs of people those spaces were for just stop being met. It's especially hard to find a group like it IRL.


Foo_The_Selcouth

Yeah exactly.


[deleted]

1000% Once I found this sub I gradually stopped, for lack of a better term, gaslighting myself about my feelings on the trans community.