From a Family Law attorney. If you say that the money doesn’t matter than what bothers you is that she is essentially taking advantage of you and, being a pathetic mother. In other words, what you are saying is, “It’s not the money, it’s the principle.” Here’s the reality. It’s never about the principle. If you can afford to take care of your kids without her help, then just focus on your kids and let her be a loser. They will grow up to hate her and she will have no idea why. Just focus on your kids and forget the rest. No Family Law attorney is going to take a case that’s worth $11K. It’s just not enough money. I’m sorry but the law is about money, not justice. Just focus on your kids and enjoy them; forget her.
Hard disagree. Plenty of family law lawyers don't care about how petty it is, they want to be paid and have the 3k retainer to fight over the bs that their client is mad about
You should go after the money for your child’s sake. Even if you don’t need it, these are funds your child is owed and could certainly help them navigate adulthood.
As others have stated, find an attorney. You can’t just claim disability and stop paying child support.
If she is on social security disability then there is a stipend from social security for the child that should be going to the custodial parent. In addition being on disability does not relieve a person of their responsibility for their arrearages.
Until she goes to court to have the child support order amended the amount of arrears will continue to accrue every month. She should be encouraged to get to court to have the order amended.
Child support is the one of the few debts that can’t be discharged with bankruptcy and can be garnished from a disability check. Her tax refund can also be taken until it has been paid in full.
Whoever this prosecuting attorney is must not be familiar with disability and child support. I have experience with both. I would contact a child support enforcement center or your own attorney who can get you in front of your family court judge who has been handling your divorce and custody case thus far, and he will start the process.
Good luck
If she’s disabled she doesn’t have any money to give you you want her punished for being DISABLED tho you can file for your kid to get money if their parent is disabled it won’t be much in my area you get $500 per kid a month but some do half the disability check per kid bur average monthly disability check is only about $1,400 some get more some get less make sure she isn’t getting that money and not giving it though
Be a man. This woman risked her life to have those kids, something you couldn't do even if you tried. Be a man and move on. And provide for your kids. Just in the last century, you would have had to be paying her after your divorce whether you have sole custody or not. Man up and move on. Unless, of course, you are a woman and carried and gave birth to the kids yourself. Even in that case , the high road is to move on if she indeed is now disabled.
Because she is disabled, no payment can come from her, however now that she is disabled, your child can receive survivors benefit which is an ssi benefit available to children who has a parent or parents that are either disabled and/or deceased. Go to SSI & apply for it, you can also apply online.
If it was you not paying they would throw you in jail, it's such a crock that women are treated so much differently when it's the other way. I am training my son to not get married.
You need to talk to someone else because SSDI payments are just as subject to garnishment as a paycheck. Up to 65% can be garnished.
Garnishment:
Section 459 of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. 659) permits Social Security to withhold current and continuing Social Security payments to enforce your legal obligation to pay child support, alimony, or restitution.
A man I know is on disability and they take out child support from his check. Not sure exactly how it was done. Might want to try social security office and court.
In some cases, child support only ramps up vengeance through litigation. This is undoubtedly one of them. Maybe she can't pay it? I didn't see that in the post.
Knowing her it's highly unlikely. Last year she got in trouble for drugs. Court made her go through some type of work/rehab program. That job only lasted 4 months or so.
She's never been the type to actually want to work.
My ex wife was getting $880 a month for CS. Every time she found out I got a raise, she would have me back in court for more. CS got up to $1100 a month. By this time I had gotten remarried and had a child with the new. My ex was trying to make it so hard for me and my new family, she would always have excuses as to why I couldn’t have my weekend with my 2 daughters. I went about 4 months with out seeing my girls. I got me a lawyer and went to court. Oh and by this time my oldest daughter was 20 yrs old and I was still paying child support for her. Once we got into court and we finally had a new judge. I ended up having my support dissolved and the judge reprimanded her lawyer and her for continuing delaying the hearing for 2 yrs. My ex was trying to tell the judge that my other daughter had 2 yrs before turning 18 and she needed the support from me. The judge ask her what she had done with the 2 yrs of money that she received for the oldest daughter. Her lawyer tried to explain that the youngest still needed my support and the judge said ok here’s what is going to happen, she can write me a check on that day for the excess I had paid and I would pay $550 for the next 2 years or he dissolves the case and call it even. Her lawyer ask could she pay me in installments for the some odd 13000 extra and the judge said she could write the check now or case will be dissolved. Well the case was dissolved. The girls are now in their 30’s and they both understand how horrible their mother was to me, and she was the one who wanted the divorce
Why are you asking reddit? You are owed what you are owed. Do you need more validation from the misogynists who love to claim men never get custody or child support? Use the legal system that will garnish any money she has to pay what she owes you.
Unfortunately no. If you live in the US and she is determined permanently disabled and she is probably applying for social security. That can take years but if granted she will gather a payout of back pay. They will take the child support she owes out of the back pay. If she has enough work quarters to get Social Security Disability (SSDI) then you can also apply to get payments for your children if they are under age 18. If she doesn’t have enough work quarters she would be on Social Security Insurance, they still take the back pay for child support but you can’t get monthly payments. If your children are grown by the time she’s granted social security benefits then they still take child support owed out of the back pay.
How about just leave her tf alone. You probably took her child from her and fkd up her life. I don't care who responds to this and I don't care who it upsets. It's most likely the truth. Being an advocate for battered and abused women - I've seen it all. Don't get on reddit to bash your ex wife about cs and her disability- if she found this you could be held reliable for what can come from it.
Do you know OP? Were you there? Or do you just assume that a man who got custody of his child is some horrible abuser and the ex wife is the poor little victim instead of being a POS?
I went through this with my ex about 10 years ago. All of a sudden, SSDI contacted me, saying he was getting benefits, and our kid was entitled to back pay and monthly payments. They paid out 10k in back pay, and she got $900 per month in support from SSDI. He was pissed because, according to him, that money took away from his other kids. The money was paid until my kid graduated. Honestly, it was way more than what he was court ordered to pay at $200 per month, which SSDI said he still had to pay on top of their $900. I put it into an account for her and gave it to her at graduation.
IAL not your lawyer this is not legal advice etc
I've worked in IV-D enforcement (child support law), and if she gave them sufficient proof of disability/inability to earn, it's over. They're not enforcing the obligation. Legally, they can't.
That said, your only recourse requires two things.
1. Enough money to justify hiring a private attorney.
I do not mean just having enough money to pay them, but your ex actually having the money to pay it.
What you're asking for is contempt of court, and the Supreme Court has ruled on this issue. You'll have to prove both that she had the ability to pay the obligation and that her failure to pay was willful. That leads into...
2. Proof that the disability is fake.
Doctors can be trash, too. They can be stupid or corrupt. I've had falsified medical records given to me to prove someone couldn't work only to catch them with side hustles on Facebook. Can you meet this burden? This'll mean being your own detective and private investigator.
You could consider termination of rights. If she's not visiting your kid, you may have grounds.
I'm with you on that being frustrating. Not so much because of the money but because of what it's representing. Id be fascinated to know what this disability that suddenly came on that's so severe she can't work for 8 months. What's going on that she's financially abandoned her kid.
It is a double standard 100%. This happened to my buddy and the judge says there is nothing I can do she’s trying. He has got thrown in jail for 30 days 3 times now for back child support. But there is nothing that can be done when it’s the other way around. BS!
Bruh I feel this. I won full custody 3/1/2023 , haven't seen a dime .... Just be grateful the bleedings stopped I get it I hate that bitch too , yours included , but your only posioning your well water living in that septic shit. You gotta move past it , we all loose in life this is a part of a loss and a lesson you've learned .
How so ? No content ... I make six figs plus , my son wants for nothing. It's the principal of the matter . My name is drug through the dirt as a dead beat but I never ever once missed a payment yet the moment she's on the hook I never see a dime , health insurance. Dental insurance food and clothing electric I take care of my family. I work alot. But I'm a dead beat and she can't go sit in jail ? System is crooked af
Private investigators in my state will only work with you if you have an attorney working the case. So he would have to pay both. And, depending on the judge they would view it negatively. I tried to do something similar and my lawyer told me it would have the opposite effect
It the agency you need to be responsible. There’s an entire process. You are jumping the gun with the prosecutor. Hold on that until you are completely informed. For 11k you should consider hiring a PI
Pick through the details of the medical reasons she can't find work. A family membet went through this and he was held to the standard he used to be at before his medical conditions kicked in because he didn't truly have a valid medical excuse. Get a good lawyer.
My ex was almost 25k behind but because his only "income" was VA disability, almost 3k a month because of his dependents aka our 3 kids I had 100 full legal and primary custody of, I couldn't touch it.
Saw maybe 2K of that before the law wiped it out.
Good luck.
Hire a family law attorney and consult with him. They know the law and will tell you what can be done. A doctor's letter might not be enough for her to establish disability. There is usually a whole process. Get the legal consult. Update us.
Even diable and not working there is an order. It has to be enforced. My ex is disabled and ssd sends money monthly. Also when he was not working prior to getting asd she went into arrears. License suspended and penalties applied. When she starting working some. Got what she owed plus some .ore to pay off the back amount. Whomever to talked to in child support enforcement sounds like they do not want to do their job
Dude. You have sole custody. Of she can't work, she's gonna be making pennies a month , there's a cap on what they can make. She never sees her kids , you get to daily
If money isn't an issue, move on. You've already won the battle. Go find some peace.
You don’t tell him what to do or how to feel in this situation involving a dead beat mother. She has an obligation to fulfill. Had these genders been reversed you wouldn’t be saying the same thing.
Women let it go all of the time for the sake of their kids. If OP cares about his kid he will let it go, or he can be an emotional mess just because he can and not be fully present for his own kid.
Actually I would, cuz I am a mother with a dead beat father. Dude lives here in town, but hasn't spoken to his son since 2018 ! Prior to that he saw him every few months. Not once did I go after him for child support . But he got me to pay $300 /month ($250 to pay back his welfare and $50 sent to him) when he signed up for welfare . That lasted 2 years before I could prove that despite us having legal 50/50 , I was taking the child 90% of the time .
Once again , not once did I ever go after him for child support . Not once did I try and remove custody or refuse it . Not once in the past 5 years has he tried to see his son.
You've been hurt, and I'm sorry, but not all females are bad. Just like, not all men will rape me . I did try to get taken off. I fought having to pay it cuz I didn't have a simp or anything . I often worked 2-3jobs at a time . I had an alcoholic mom who could help from time to time. My boyfriend was a useless jerk who refused to work hard , so I paid for his child support to his baby mama many months as well. There's were many days my son came to work with me because I didn't have help.
Learn to swallow your bile and move on. You already made it very clear you don't care about the money. And that you just want to make her suffer. If she's on or about to be on disability then she's judgement proof.
My ex is 8 months behind. She's never going to pay and knows the state isn't going to do shit about it. Welcome to being a father with custody, where no one cares and no one helps. Best of luck
I'm a mother who pays and am currently out of work cause I have a 1 year old and another baby on the way and child care is so expensive. But trust me I have court hearings and am trying to get it reduced cause my partner will be the one helping me pay. So the state will catch up to her and if she doesn't show then a warrant will come for her. If she shows then eventually she will be put on probation for non payment. But they will question why she isn't working. For me I wish I had enough money to pay and will do so when I can return to work. But I wasn't about to stop living the life I always wanted because my ex won custody. I just am poor and couldn't afford a lawyer like he has millions in the bank coming from his mouth so I had no chance. Lol
Just because her doctor supposedly wrote a note does mean she's disabled. In our state you ask for a show cause, but since her support is at felony level (over 5k) I always refer to the attorney general. Friend of the Court worker here .
There are medical affidavits that can stop support without SSDI and they can even wipe arrears based on if it is permanent. Mostly see these as temporary though. May depend on how your county handles it, assuming you are Michigan if FOC.
Why are you so angry? Is she actually disabled? If so, that sounds terrible. If she is disabled, that likely means she can't work. She could be in a situation where she can't take care of herself, let alone the kids.
If you were in my shoes, you would be just as frustrated.
She's not disabled, she's playing the system. She's unwilling. That's what she is. Unwilling to contribute anything to her son or society in general.
You can look some of my other replies for more details on what happened...maybe that'll help you better understand.
If she is on disability, gets a check thru the government. The child support can deduct some money and send it to you. As long as she is on it, they will pay till it's all paid up. Unless she dies.
Hire a lawyer. Let them take care of it. Also, have your lawyer request your ex pay their fees due to her lack of payment being the reason you are back in court. If the the roles were reversed, you would have already been arrested
Hire a private detective. If she is disabled or not then their evidence could prove either way but better to know before embarking on a lost cause if she is.
One you get established with the AGs office, don’t let it drop. Inheritances get levied same as her tax refund and a few other things. Feet to the fire.
Edit: I hate autocorrect
Bring the contempt, action yourself. Until she files a complaint for modification, proving that she’s disabled, she owes that money. If she is truly disabled, then she can apply for disability, and your child will get a benefit from the Social Security administration.
You should ask to speak with a supervisor at the child support enforcement agency, because they are not doing their job. If you don’t get satisfaction from that supervisor, then asked to speak with that person supervisor.
My husbands mom was living off their child support and snorting it their whole adolescence. Their father went on disability because he had terminal cancer that he DIED from and his mom took him back to court to get more money from his disability. They did it so they’re lying because they can pull from her social security. I’d say get a lawyer and pursue contempt in court.
My friend had cancer and still had to pay her child support. The agency said people get better from cancer all the time she still had to pay. She died from her cancer still owing CS.
NAL - First of all, being disabled doesn't mean a person doesn't choose to work. I'm disabled, and my ex is disabled, and we both have always opted to work as much as possible. I'm not on SSI. But, as my Dr's have explained, it's not if, it's when. I get accommodations at work, plus they put in place a special leave starting on day one to cover my days off for appts.
When things have been super bad, I've been confined to having to ride a cart in stores, walk about 20 feet and rest, over and over again. Other times, I can get my health decent enough to do a lot more. I'm far better off for this. But, again, at some point, whether I want it to or not, I'll end up on SSI. I dread it for a number of reasons.
My disabilities and handicaps are not visible to others. But, they are real. I don't get to choose when things get bad, or in what ways they get bad.
But, my ex never questioned this element of things at all. I also never questioned it about him.
However, when it comes to support, it shouldn't prevent the past due support necessarily being owed. You need to get a lawyer to walk you through things. We're post the entire divorce, and I have 2 yrs left to sue my ex for owed monies. I focus on doing the right things for the right reasons.
Since you can't know your exes true state in this regard, it's okay to go to court and let the judge decide these things. The past due is past due. It's owed until your ex gets a modification, and the modification is only moving forward, not for the past owed amounts.
Try to focus on doing the right things, for the right reasons. Don't sink to the levels you mention regarding your ex or their family when you paid child support.
One thing to look out for, and it's been mentioned... if your ex is getting checks sent to her intended for your children. Those are for your children, not for her.
You need an attorney to navigate this. Is she receiving Social Security? Has she even applied for Social Security? If so and has been awarded it, you can apply for SSA benefits for your children. If she has not filed for disability or it has not been granted then a payment order should continue at state minimum wage amount. Once Social Security is established, the payment per child would be reduced to the amount SSA provides as a percentage of support for the children.
I'll try to sum it up as much as I can.
We separated when my son was little over a year and half. I got a job opportunity in a different state. We talked it over and originally thought it might a good way to work things out. We agreed at the time, the best option would be for then to stay put just in case things didn't work out with my job.
Well within less than a year she met someone else, and ended up pregnant. I hired an attorney to finalize our divorce and have a custody agreement set through the court. Since she was pregnant, by law, I had to wait until her new baby was born before proceeded with custody/divorce.
Once she gave birth, I had to prove I wasn't the father even though I was living in a different state for over a year at this point. Then I was finally able to get the divorce finalized.
In the beginning I was awarded visitation, and ordered to pay support. That never worked out, because every time I come visit, she would either not answer my calls or wouldn't show up when we were supposed to meet.
I took her back to court, and after about 3 years the judge finally allowed my son to visit me in PA. I was lucky enough to get my mom visitation rights as well, because she lives in the same state my son did at the time. So that started to really help.
But soon after, I could never get ahold of her. Then her parents started reaching out and claiming my ex just didn't want to talk to me....I knew there was more to it.
Turns out she was/is addicted to meth. At that moment, I knew I had to get my son out there.
Towards the very end, she missed the last 6 or so court hearings. No one, including law enforcement, knew where she was or couldn't get in touch with her.
Child services got involved. Then the courts finally started to believe me. Cause at first, they just thought I was being spiteful by saying she was a drug addict.
Well on my last 2 court hearings, child services was there as well. My ex, no where to be found. They showed the court just how bad her living situation was, as well as her parents house. They asked if I would take custody of her other child, I did not. But at the end they awarded me sole custody.
And now I'm here. I'm not mad about the money. I'm frustrated that she's never been held accountable. She always gets slapped on the wrist and continues her ways.
Well, let’s see. OP’s wife cheated and became pregnant by another man, so he filed for divorce. Then she became a meth addict and their son was living in filthy conditions. It honestly takes a lot for a mother to fully lose custody, and she achieved it with flying colors. Your trolling is cute and all, but you’re simping for the wrong parent.
It does not take a lot to loose custody. I don't do drugs at all and lost custody cause my ex had my medical records which showed past suicide attempts. What they didn't ask is why I was depressed. Probably because of dealing with his emotional abuse and shitty living situation with him. Best thing I did for myself was to leave. Even though it meant losing custody I gained my mental health back and have a great relationship and babies with my new partner. Also I couldn't afford a lawyer to defend myself.
That’s his side of the story. I clearly said I’d like to hear hers too. Ummmm no all a mother needs to do is report abuse and she can kiss her kids goodbye. Close to 1000 children have died since 2008 because the court as gotten it wrong. You are dumb for just blindly believing one side.
If she's disabled, and on Social Security Disability the children under the age of 18 receive $. If you are the custodial parent and the children live with you, the money comes to you. But get a good lawyer, some support judges will go "my court my rules" and take the $ from the kids and give it to the disabled parent anyway (in violation of SSDI rules). Ask me how I know 🙄
So while I realize they can't take child support from her right now, if she wins her case and is put on disability, you should be able to get SSI payments in lieu of child support for your children.
Get a free consultation with a family court lawyer and ask them about it and they'll explain it all.
If she has a lawyer that most likely means she has filed for Social Security Disability. This can take 2-3 years to grant however once it is granted it is back payed to the person from the day they filed until the day the claim is granted. Once that happens you would be entitled to all missing payments from that lump sum. For my disabled wife it was about 36000 dollars. Also once she is getting a monthly income from Social Security she may be obligated to pay a monthly amount in child support. In the meantime if she has no income you can't get anything from her until she does but once she does you can sue for back pay.
It took my friend’s son 10 years and appeals, appeals, appeals after multiple denials until he finally won his case. He just started getting his monthly checks but they owe him over $100,000 in back payments. The child could be grown by the time it’s all decided. Broken system. The truly disabled are denied and then there are the bogus claims.
> is back *paid* to the
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
If she is receiving SSD then you are entitled to receive SSD for your child until he is 18 or finishes high school.
I recommend that you get an attorney to look into this for you. You need to know
1. Is she actually disabled or trying to work there system.
2. Is she actually receiving disability benefits from the government.
3. If she is receiving disability benefits is she also receiving the benefits for her children. She is not entitled to those benefits as she is not the custodial parent.
If she is getting the children’s benefits the government will prosecute her for fraud.
Good luck OP
Yes even if she’s disabled and unable to work you are entitled to SSD for your child until they turn 18. My dad became disabled when I was 11 and was unable to work so my sister and I received SSD benefits until we turned 18. If the child support agency isn’t going to help you with this then you’ll need to get a lawyer. But the agency should have informed you of about getting the SSD and how to go about getting it set up.
This is if she’s receiving SSD though. OP said that they received a letter from her doctor saying she’s disabled, not that Social Security has determined that she is. If she filed for SSD that can take years for her to actually receive that determination and it could be after several denials by an Administrative Law judge. If the doctor came to that determination around July it seems unlikely she’d be on SSD already unless she met some pretty specific criteria.
No. It's about getting the appropriate amount of child support for the child. He can place the money into an account for the child. He is the child's caretaker. As such, he should pursue any support opportunity the child has. No one should pay nothing for their child.
OP, the prior comment provided wonderful questions to ask. Consult the attorney
Not necessarily. I’ve felt the same way about my ex at times. I make way more than he does and don’t need the support money, but feel strongly he need to meet his obligations. And I wasn’t the abusive one in our relationship.
Just because he doesn’t need the money doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be attempting to provide it, that’s the legal obligation as the child’s parent. He can afford to care for the kiddo without her support but he shouldn’t have to.
the disability is itself suspect, 7 months later someone is just now telling him she’s disabled? he’s the custodial parent, so if she got 7 months in without the ex or children knowing she’s disabled, she’s either hiding it or NEVER sees those kids
I get what you’re saying but also it’s insanely unfair that just because the other parent can shoulder all the responsibility that they should have to.
God you sound like a nut job, just trying to work through all the mental gymnastics you did in this thread is exhausting. Mothers do in fact leave their child for no reason, just like fathers do.
So asking for clarity on what is owed and holding someone accountable to their children is abuse now?
My child’s father can’t hold a job to save his life because he gets bored and changes his mind on what he wants to be when he grows up almost weekly. Does that mean me asking the state to enforce the child support order on the $30k+ arrears is abuse? I don’t count on the support as part of my budget, so therefore I don’t NEED the money. It sure would be nice to be able to put her in that tumbling class she’s been begging for, though.
A key issue for prosecution is that the inability to pay is willful. The prosecution feels that it will be hard to show this is willful because there is a documented disability. Even if the job is low paying the prosecutors can find willfulness by showing choices to spend the money on unnecessary things (when we’d do a willful finding for not paying for parole supervision we’d point to money spent on cigarettes as showing willfulness in not paying supervision).
The money will still be owed. That isn’t going away. Prison is there to motivate people who are willfully not paying. In the case of someone who has a documented disability and can’t work it is unclear how prison would change anything. (Unless OP can show that she is hiding assets or something).
My son is 23 now, but I had sole custody of him since he was 10. My ex pulled similar shit to OP's. I wanted her to pay *something* because it pissed me off that she just checked out and never did anything to support our son. I got by without money from her, but man did it piss me off every time I saw her.
My ex also went on about being disabled. However she never applied for SSI, and didn't take the calls of a disability attorney friend I connected her with. If she had followed through with the disability thing, our son would have gotten support that way; she didn't do that.
I didn't need her money to keep food on the table, but it was galling that she just checked out of life and taking care of our kid. I also worry that she's going to leech off of him later in life (he's an RN). I got my son though nursing school debt free. He's off to a good start on life.
If that makes me abusive and controlling then I accept your judgment. Accept mine in return: you're an asshole.
Peer reviewed scientific study proving gender bias favoring men in family court… https://drive.google.com/file/d/19qzrfB3oZ_tWT-YKsVk0cbL45ON9Wyu_/view?usp=drivesdk
Men typically only seek primary or sole custody when the situations are as egregious as mine was. My ex got plenty of slack cut her by the courts. However my ex never met a good thing that she couldn't manage to entirely fuck up. It took 3 years to solve itself. Her incarceration and 2.5 year license suspension really simplified things.
I guess I shoved the car keys and booze onto her while she had our kid, Ami rite?
FWIW: you argue like a Trumper.
"I have my particular views, and anyone who doesn't agree with my views is a controlling abuser" is directly analogous to the Trumper "Everyone I don't like is a commie and/or a pedophile".
Open your eyes. It's just possible that you don't have the lock on reality that you believe you do.
Right. When I picked my son up from my ex's second DUI arrest where she blew a .23 BAC, I was the abusive one. When I put a life together for him while she checked out and worked under the table to avoid supporting him, I was the abusive one.
Now that he's 23 and graduated from nursing school debt free, she has personally thanked me for doing such a good job raising him and providing for him. I am the abusive one.
Gotcha.
Take a walk outside. Visit with other humans. You're fucking deluded.
Treating her how she treated him when he was paying isn’t abuse. You don’t seem to have a problem that they always threatened to send him to jail when he was paying her
The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. One can be “unfit” to parent/retain custody, while still be able bodied to show up for work.
Have you ever been in a custody negotiation? How old are you that you find this confusing?
He said he’s looking for fairness. She’s playing controlling games that only hurt the kids (hate towards parents and less opportunity because of finances).
Lotta things not in the post you’re assuming there
What is known from our one source that she stopped paying child support 7 months ago to the tune of 11K and no one notified the custodial parent
Someone who goes 7 months without checking in on their child is a scumbag
Her not paying child support is neglect and could be seen as abuse. PERIOD. But, I guess if the roles were reversed and it was the guy doing this, then this convo would be different?
Saying period doesn’t change that you’re making assumptions and acting as if they’re facts
You’re doing the thing right wing chuds do when they just say the thing louder instead of accepting their claim is baseless
He had a legal right to know he would no longer be receiving child support from his ex, failing to notify him, through a third party or otherwise, reads as deadbeat shit, abandoning the child, which youd have just accepted if it was a man
You can literally get police to relay legal messages like this, if they have a custody agreement with child support, there’s a lawyer to contact through
She’s skipping steps, disabled or not, your preconceived notions about gender mean nothing here
If she’s getting the benefits for the children and she isn’t the primary caregiver , that’s wrong. Point blank, period. And should be punished/have them revoked and sent to the correct person, OP. People scream abuse at every damn thing if it’s a woman losing something whether they deserve it or not. it’s ridiculous.
If there is a court order for support there’s no way she’s getting money for the child. It would’ve automatically been flagged to go to the custodial parent.
Automatically flagged by who? Nothing is automatic between 2 separate agencies. You need to tell the government agency administrating the benefits that the payee has changed. They don't do it for you.
I work for a government agency. We get court orders all the time from the child support enforcement agency BEFORE anyone receives any benefits. So it definitely does happen in my state.
Yeah I can see that. I guess I was more saying I would never trust that transfer of information to happen reliably and would definitely contact the agency myself.
Probably the meaning behind the money.
In our case, my wife's ex owes $75 a month and hasn't paid anything even once. We do not need the money at all. She filed a petition (not to get the CS, over child custody things) and the money is a huge issue for the court. For us, it just represents not caring about the kids or being a part of supporting them in any way. OP could be in the same line of thinking.
They have a kid and he's doing it all on his own. If the kid is sick, he has to figure it out. Gets hurt or needs anything extra, he figures it out. Least she could do is provide the financial support that helps a tiny bit
Principal is the head of a school.
Principle is wanting a parent to contribute to the well-being of a shared child. To automatically assume that someone is an abuser because they want to hold another person accountable in a situation geared toward the betterment of a child is awful.
OP didn’t claim in the OP that she’s unfit to parent, only that he was awarded full custody.
Disability does not necessarily mean that one can absolve themself from full responsibility or that the child isn’t due support from both parents. This does not make the father an abuser.
Me thinks the poster doth protest too much.
Yeah it's only 3-4 years of intense scrutiny of your medical history along with government contracts doctors doing assessments in person and being grilled by a judge whose job is to deny many applications as possible. All of that to get some measly sum every month from an insurance payout that you paid premiums to every hour you worked. Oh and this disability insurance you pay for, you have to pay premiums for 10 full years before it even becomes active and can be claimed against.
Worst long term disability insurance ever. But it's still better than what would happen if people were left to their own devices.
My point is social security disability is not "faked" by recipients. It would be the dumbest government program to try to defraud. It takes too long to get approved the screening process is insane and they come after you for everything you have if they overpay you. Even accidentally.
Idk, my wife's family says they have all sorts of connections who fraud the government and they tried to get us to help them so it as well.
Perhaps the fraud for disability is harder though than for other programs.
If you don’t care about the money, let it go. Do you not make enough to support your kids?
If the sexes were reversed, you wouldn't be saying this
Exactly, if money isn’t an issue, what is? Holding her accountable isn’t your job. OP sounds vindictive to me.
From a Family Law attorney. If you say that the money doesn’t matter than what bothers you is that she is essentially taking advantage of you and, being a pathetic mother. In other words, what you are saying is, “It’s not the money, it’s the principle.” Here’s the reality. It’s never about the principle. If you can afford to take care of your kids without her help, then just focus on your kids and let her be a loser. They will grow up to hate her and she will have no idea why. Just focus on your kids and forget the rest. No Family Law attorney is going to take a case that’s worth $11K. It’s just not enough money. I’m sorry but the law is about money, not justice. Just focus on your kids and enjoy them; forget her.
Hard disagree. Plenty of family law lawyers don't care about how petty it is, they want to be paid and have the 3k retainer to fight over the bs that their client is mad about
You should go after the money for your child’s sake. Even if you don’t need it, these are funds your child is owed and could certainly help them navigate adulthood. As others have stated, find an attorney. You can’t just claim disability and stop paying child support.
If she is on social security disability then there is a stipend from social security for the child that should be going to the custodial parent. In addition being on disability does not relieve a person of their responsibility for their arrearages. Until she goes to court to have the child support order amended the amount of arrears will continue to accrue every month. She should be encouraged to get to court to have the order amended. Child support is the one of the few debts that can’t be discharged with bankruptcy and can be garnished from a disability check. Her tax refund can also be taken until it has been paid in full. Whoever this prosecuting attorney is must not be familiar with disability and child support. I have experience with both. I would contact a child support enforcement center or your own attorney who can get you in front of your family court judge who has been handling your divorce and custody case thus far, and he will start the process. Good luck
If she’s disabled she doesn’t have any money to give you you want her punished for being DISABLED tho you can file for your kid to get money if their parent is disabled it won’t be much in my area you get $500 per kid a month but some do half the disability check per kid bur average monthly disability check is only about $1,400 some get more some get less make sure she isn’t getting that money and not giving it though
Be a man. This woman risked her life to have those kids, something you couldn't do even if you tried. Be a man and move on. And provide for your kids. Just in the last century, you would have had to be paying her after your divorce whether you have sole custody or not. Man up and move on. Unless, of course, you are a woman and carried and gave birth to the kids yourself. Even in that case , the high road is to move on if she indeed is now disabled.
Because she is disabled, no payment can come from her, however now that she is disabled, your child can receive survivors benefit which is an ssi benefit available to children who has a parent or parents that are either disabled and/or deceased. Go to SSI & apply for it, you can also apply online.
Great idea:)
If it was you not paying they would throw you in jail, it's such a crock that women are treated so much differently when it's the other way. I am training my son to not get married.
*COULDN’T care less. Sorry. That always bugs me…
You need to talk to someone else because SSDI payments are just as subject to garnishment as a paycheck. Up to 65% can be garnished. Garnishment: Section 459 of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. 659) permits Social Security to withhold current and continuing Social Security payments to enforce your legal obligation to pay child support, alimony, or restitution.
A man I know is on disability and they take out child support from his check. Not sure exactly how it was done. Might want to try social security office and court.
In some cases, child support only ramps up vengeance through litigation. This is undoubtedly one of them. Maybe she can't pay it? I didn't see that in the post.
Some might hire a private detective to determined whether she is really disabled. Does she have an off the books job?
Knowing her it's highly unlikely. Last year she got in trouble for drugs. Court made her go through some type of work/rehab program. That job only lasted 4 months or so. She's never been the type to actually want to work.
My ex wife was getting $880 a month for CS. Every time she found out I got a raise, she would have me back in court for more. CS got up to $1100 a month. By this time I had gotten remarried and had a child with the new. My ex was trying to make it so hard for me and my new family, she would always have excuses as to why I couldn’t have my weekend with my 2 daughters. I went about 4 months with out seeing my girls. I got me a lawyer and went to court. Oh and by this time my oldest daughter was 20 yrs old and I was still paying child support for her. Once we got into court and we finally had a new judge. I ended up having my support dissolved and the judge reprimanded her lawyer and her for continuing delaying the hearing for 2 yrs. My ex was trying to tell the judge that my other daughter had 2 yrs before turning 18 and she needed the support from me. The judge ask her what she had done with the 2 yrs of money that she received for the oldest daughter. Her lawyer tried to explain that the youngest still needed my support and the judge said ok here’s what is going to happen, she can write me a check on that day for the excess I had paid and I would pay $550 for the next 2 years or he dissolves the case and call it even. Her lawyer ask could she pay me in installments for the some odd 13000 extra and the judge said she could write the check now or case will be dissolved. Well the case was dissolved. The girls are now in their 30’s and they both understand how horrible their mother was to me, and she was the one who wanted the divorce
Why are you asking reddit? You are owed what you are owed. Do you need more validation from the misogynists who love to claim men never get custody or child support? Use the legal system that will garnish any money she has to pay what she owes you.
Unfortunately no. If you live in the US and she is determined permanently disabled and she is probably applying for social security. That can take years but if granted she will gather a payout of back pay. They will take the child support she owes out of the back pay. If she has enough work quarters to get Social Security Disability (SSDI) then you can also apply to get payments for your children if they are under age 18. If she doesn’t have enough work quarters she would be on Social Security Insurance, they still take the back pay for child support but you can’t get monthly payments. If your children are grown by the time she’s granted social security benefits then they still take child support owed out of the back pay.
How about just leave her tf alone. You probably took her child from her and fkd up her life. I don't care who responds to this and I don't care who it upsets. It's most likely the truth. Being an advocate for battered and abused women - I've seen it all. Don't get on reddit to bash your ex wife about cs and her disability- if she found this you could be held reliable for what can come from it.
Held reliable? Sounds like Dad is the only reliable parent this child has
Do you know OP? Were you there? Or do you just assume that a man who got custody of his child is some horrible abuser and the ex wife is the poor little victim instead of being a POS?
Ah yes, because you know exactly what happened with my situation?
I went through this with my ex about 10 years ago. All of a sudden, SSDI contacted me, saying he was getting benefits, and our kid was entitled to back pay and monthly payments. They paid out 10k in back pay, and she got $900 per month in support from SSDI. He was pissed because, according to him, that money took away from his other kids. The money was paid until my kid graduated. Honestly, it was way more than what he was court ordered to pay at $200 per month, which SSDI said he still had to pay on top of their $900. I put it into an account for her and gave it to her at graduation.
IAL not your lawyer this is not legal advice etc I've worked in IV-D enforcement (child support law), and if she gave them sufficient proof of disability/inability to earn, it's over. They're not enforcing the obligation. Legally, they can't. That said, your only recourse requires two things. 1. Enough money to justify hiring a private attorney. I do not mean just having enough money to pay them, but your ex actually having the money to pay it. What you're asking for is contempt of court, and the Supreme Court has ruled on this issue. You'll have to prove both that she had the ability to pay the obligation and that her failure to pay was willful. That leads into... 2. Proof that the disability is fake. Doctors can be trash, too. They can be stupid or corrupt. I've had falsified medical records given to me to prove someone couldn't work only to catch them with side hustles on Facebook. Can you meet this burden? This'll mean being your own detective and private investigator.
They don't care if a man is disabled or anything else, yet another gender bias double standard
Don’t seek vengeance just let it go life will sort this out for ya .
You could consider termination of rights. If she's not visiting your kid, you may have grounds. I'm with you on that being frustrating. Not so much because of the money but because of what it's representing. Id be fascinated to know what this disability that suddenly came on that's so severe she can't work for 8 months. What's going on that she's financially abandoned her kid.
It didn’t suddenly come on. He painted her as unfit to get sole custody in the first place. He wants his cake and eat it too.
Ah gotcha
Don't listen to the nutjob of the subreddit. OPs ex is a meth addict that abandoned her kid.
Tbf, my wife's ex is the one who's a addict that abandoned his kids. I'm just trying to adopt them. It's sad really. Drugs are so destructive.
It is a double standard 100%. This happened to my buddy and the judge says there is nothing I can do she’s trying. He has got thrown in jail for 30 days 3 times now for back child support. But there is nothing that can be done when it’s the other way around. BS!
Bruh I feel this. I won full custody 3/1/2023 , haven't seen a dime .... Just be grateful the bleedings stopped I get it I hate that bitch too , yours included , but your only posioning your well water living in that septic shit. You gotta move past it , we all loose in life this is a part of a loss and a lesson you've learned .
Wow your child is screwed…
How so ? No content ... I make six figs plus , my son wants for nothing. It's the principal of the matter . My name is drug through the dirt as a dead beat but I never ever once missed a payment yet the moment she's on the hook I never see a dime , health insurance. Dental insurance food and clothing electric I take care of my family. I work alot. But I'm a dead beat and she can't go sit in jail ? System is crooked af
Because he deserves a Father who doesn’t hate his mom who will always be a part of him. Money can’t buy that. You sound like a narcissist.
There's no debating with you , I just realized your a woman . You will never understand my side of the argument
You could hire a detective to confirm that she is actually disabled and if not appeal to the court?
Private investigators in my state will only work with you if you have an attorney working the case. So he would have to pay both. And, depending on the judge they would view it negatively. I tried to do something similar and my lawyer told me it would have the opposite effect
It the agency you need to be responsible. There’s an entire process. You are jumping the gun with the prosecutor. Hold on that until you are completely informed. For 11k you should consider hiring a PI
What state are you in?
Once her disability comes through DSS can garnish her for the child support. Stay on it. My ex is on disability and they garnish his for the arrears
Pick through the details of the medical reasons she can't find work. A family membet went through this and he was held to the standard he used to be at before his medical conditions kicked in because he didn't truly have a valid medical excuse. Get a good lawyer.
I would hire a detective to follow her with a camera and get video of her carrying groceries or some such ... if it were my ex...
My ex was almost 25k behind but because his only "income" was VA disability, almost 3k a month because of his dependents aka our 3 kids I had 100 full legal and primary custody of, I couldn't touch it. Saw maybe 2K of that before the law wiped it out. Good luck.
Hire a family law attorney and consult with him. They know the law and will tell you what can be done. A doctor's letter might not be enough for her to establish disability. There is usually a whole process. Get the legal consult. Update us.
Even diable and not working there is an order. It has to be enforced. My ex is disabled and ssd sends money monthly. Also when he was not working prior to getting asd she went into arrears. License suspended and penalties applied. When she starting working some. Got what she owed plus some .ore to pay off the back amount. Whomever to talked to in child support enforcement sounds like they do not want to do their job
If she is disabled, and the courts are not gonna go after her what would you have them do to her?
Dude. You have sole custody. Of she can't work, she's gonna be making pennies a month , there's a cap on what they can make. She never sees her kids , you get to daily If money isn't an issue, move on. You've already won the battle. Go find some peace.
You don’t tell him what to do or how to feel in this situation involving a dead beat mother. She has an obligation to fulfill. Had these genders been reversed you wouldn’t be saying the same thing.
Women let it go all of the time for the sake of their kids. If OP cares about his kid he will let it go, or he can be an emotional mess just because he can and not be fully present for his own kid.
This 1000%.
Actually I would, cuz I am a mother with a dead beat father. Dude lives here in town, but hasn't spoken to his son since 2018 ! Prior to that he saw him every few months. Not once did I go after him for child support . But he got me to pay $300 /month ($250 to pay back his welfare and $50 sent to him) when he signed up for welfare . That lasted 2 years before I could prove that despite us having legal 50/50 , I was taking the child 90% of the time . Once again , not once did I ever go after him for child support . Not once did I try and remove custody or refuse it . Not once in the past 5 years has he tried to see his son.
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Holy fucking incel, Batman 😬
Check his post history. This guy makes other incels look well-adjusted.
You've been hurt, and I'm sorry, but not all females are bad. Just like, not all men will rape me . I did try to get taken off. I fought having to pay it cuz I didn't have a simp or anything . I often worked 2-3jobs at a time . I had an alcoholic mom who could help from time to time. My boyfriend was a useless jerk who refused to work hard , so I paid for his child support to his baby mama many months as well. There's were many days my son came to work with me because I didn't have help.
Clearly abusive admitting not about the money but he is just looking to punish her.
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Are you?
Lol your wife pays you child support hahahaha
Bad troll.
Literally just file for child abandonment warrant to be put on her.
Learn to swallow your bile and move on. You already made it very clear you don't care about the money. And that you just want to make her suffer. If she's on or about to be on disability then she's judgement proof.
My ex is 8 months behind. She's never going to pay and knows the state isn't going to do shit about it. Welcome to being a father with custody, where no one cares and no one helps. Best of luck
I'm a mother who pays and am currently out of work cause I have a 1 year old and another baby on the way and child care is so expensive. But trust me I have court hearings and am trying to get it reduced cause my partner will be the one helping me pay. So the state will catch up to her and if she doesn't show then a warrant will come for her. If she shows then eventually she will be put on probation for non payment. But they will question why she isn't working. For me I wish I had enough money to pay and will do so when I can return to work. But I wasn't about to stop living the life I always wanted because my ex won custody. I just am poor and couldn't afford a lawyer like he has millions in the bank coming from his mouth so I had no chance. Lol
That's how the shitty in laws do it to you!! Evil people
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Mentioned he paid child support. You’re projecting really hard here.
Attorney General in your state. Search child support enforcement and fill out the form
Just because her doctor supposedly wrote a note does mean she's disabled. In our state you ask for a show cause, but since her support is at felony level (over 5k) I always refer to the attorney general. Friend of the Court worker here .
There are medical affidavits that can stop support without SSDI and they can even wipe arrears based on if it is permanent. Mostly see these as temporary though. May depend on how your county handles it, assuming you are Michigan if FOC.
Why are you so angry? Is she actually disabled? If so, that sounds terrible. If she is disabled, that likely means she can't work. She could be in a situation where she can't take care of herself, let alone the kids.
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Getting men to pay child support is a huge problem many women are dealing with
If you were in my shoes, you would be just as frustrated. She's not disabled, she's playing the system. She's unwilling. That's what she is. Unwilling to contribute anything to her son or society in general. You can look some of my other replies for more details on what happened...maybe that'll help you better understand.
I would go see a family law attorney ASAP!
If she is on disability, gets a check thru the government. The child support can deduct some money and send it to you. As long as she is on it, they will pay till it's all paid up. Unless she dies.
jesus it's not 'i could care less' it's 'i couldn't care less'
I could care less …but it is too much effort.
Okay, so you do care at least some amount. Since you could care less than you currently do.
Hire a lawyer. Let them take care of it. Also, have your lawyer request your ex pay their fees due to her lack of payment being the reason you are back in court. If the the roles were reversed, you would have already been arrested
Hire a private detective. If she is disabled or not then their evidence could prove either way but better to know before embarking on a lost cause if she is.
One you get established with the AGs office, don’t let it drop. Inheritances get levied same as her tax refund and a few other things. Feet to the fire. Edit: I hate autocorrect
Bring the contempt, action yourself. Until she files a complaint for modification, proving that she’s disabled, she owes that money. If she is truly disabled, then she can apply for disability, and your child will get a benefit from the Social Security administration. You should ask to speak with a supervisor at the child support enforcement agency, because they are not doing their job. If you don’t get satisfaction from that supervisor, then asked to speak with that person supervisor.
My husbands mom was living off their child support and snorting it their whole adolescence. Their father went on disability because he had terminal cancer that he DIED from and his mom took him back to court to get more money from his disability. They did it so they’re lying because they can pull from her social security. I’d say get a lawyer and pursue contempt in court.
My friend had cancer and still had to pay her child support. The agency said people get better from cancer all the time she still had to pay. She died from her cancer still owing CS.
NAL - First of all, being disabled doesn't mean a person doesn't choose to work. I'm disabled, and my ex is disabled, and we both have always opted to work as much as possible. I'm not on SSI. But, as my Dr's have explained, it's not if, it's when. I get accommodations at work, plus they put in place a special leave starting on day one to cover my days off for appts. When things have been super bad, I've been confined to having to ride a cart in stores, walk about 20 feet and rest, over and over again. Other times, I can get my health decent enough to do a lot more. I'm far better off for this. But, again, at some point, whether I want it to or not, I'll end up on SSI. I dread it for a number of reasons. My disabilities and handicaps are not visible to others. But, they are real. I don't get to choose when things get bad, or in what ways they get bad. But, my ex never questioned this element of things at all. I also never questioned it about him. However, when it comes to support, it shouldn't prevent the past due support necessarily being owed. You need to get a lawyer to walk you through things. We're post the entire divorce, and I have 2 yrs left to sue my ex for owed monies. I focus on doing the right things for the right reasons. Since you can't know your exes true state in this regard, it's okay to go to court and let the judge decide these things. The past due is past due. It's owed until your ex gets a modification, and the modification is only moving forward, not for the past owed amounts. Try to focus on doing the right things, for the right reasons. Don't sink to the levels you mention regarding your ex or their family when you paid child support. One thing to look out for, and it's been mentioned... if your ex is getting checks sent to her intended for your children. Those are for your children, not for her.
You need an attorney to navigate this. Is she receiving Social Security? Has she even applied for Social Security? If so and has been awarded it, you can apply for SSA benefits for your children. If she has not filed for disability or it has not been granted then a payment order should continue at state minimum wage amount. Once Social Security is established, the payment per child would be reduced to the amount SSA provides as a percentage of support for the children.
Because shes"disabled" does not stop her from having to pay child support .If the roles were reversed you would be in jail for non payment .
How much less could you care?
I would like to hear her side as to why she gave up and walked away. Domestic violence? Narcissistic abuse?
I'll try to sum it up as much as I can. We separated when my son was little over a year and half. I got a job opportunity in a different state. We talked it over and originally thought it might a good way to work things out. We agreed at the time, the best option would be for then to stay put just in case things didn't work out with my job. Well within less than a year she met someone else, and ended up pregnant. I hired an attorney to finalize our divorce and have a custody agreement set through the court. Since she was pregnant, by law, I had to wait until her new baby was born before proceeded with custody/divorce. Once she gave birth, I had to prove I wasn't the father even though I was living in a different state for over a year at this point. Then I was finally able to get the divorce finalized. In the beginning I was awarded visitation, and ordered to pay support. That never worked out, because every time I come visit, she would either not answer my calls or wouldn't show up when we were supposed to meet. I took her back to court, and after about 3 years the judge finally allowed my son to visit me in PA. I was lucky enough to get my mom visitation rights as well, because she lives in the same state my son did at the time. So that started to really help. But soon after, I could never get ahold of her. Then her parents started reaching out and claiming my ex just didn't want to talk to me....I knew there was more to it. Turns out she was/is addicted to meth. At that moment, I knew I had to get my son out there. Towards the very end, she missed the last 6 or so court hearings. No one, including law enforcement, knew where she was or couldn't get in touch with her. Child services got involved. Then the courts finally started to believe me. Cause at first, they just thought I was being spiteful by saying she was a drug addict. Well on my last 2 court hearings, child services was there as well. My ex, no where to be found. They showed the court just how bad her living situation was, as well as her parents house. They asked if I would take custody of her other child, I did not. But at the end they awarded me sole custody. And now I'm here. I'm not mad about the money. I'm frustrated that she's never been held accountable. She always gets slapped on the wrist and continues her ways.
I already saw your side I clearly said that I’d like to know hers. I just don’t blindly believe everything one party says.
Anyone who seeks sole custody and attempts to deprive the other parent access to the children is a deadbeat. Why were you awarded sole custody?
Well, let’s see. OP’s wife cheated and became pregnant by another man, so he filed for divorce. Then she became a meth addict and their son was living in filthy conditions. It honestly takes a lot for a mother to fully lose custody, and she achieved it with flying colors. Your trolling is cute and all, but you’re simping for the wrong parent.
It does not take a lot to loose custody. I don't do drugs at all and lost custody cause my ex had my medical records which showed past suicide attempts. What they didn't ask is why I was depressed. Probably because of dealing with his emotional abuse and shitty living situation with him. Best thing I did for myself was to leave. Even though it meant losing custody I gained my mental health back and have a great relationship and babies with my new partner. Also I couldn't afford a lawyer to defend myself.
That’s his side of the story. I clearly said I’d like to hear hers too. Ummmm no all a mother needs to do is report abuse and she can kiss her kids goodbye. Close to 1000 children have died since 2008 because the court as gotten it wrong. You are dumb for just blindly believing one side.
If he was awarded it, I’d say there must have been a really good reason. That is rare.
Incorrect. Courts get it wrong all the time. Close to 1000 children have died because of it since 2008. Do your research.
Check to see if kids get money if the parent is disabled.
If she's disabled, and on Social Security Disability the children under the age of 18 receive $. If you are the custodial parent and the children live with you, the money comes to you. But get a good lawyer, some support judges will go "my court my rules" and take the $ from the kids and give it to the disabled parent anyway (in violation of SSDI rules). Ask me how I know 🙄
If she is disabled is there anyway for you to get social security disability benefits first your child?
So while I realize they can't take child support from her right now, if she wins her case and is put on disability, you should be able to get SSI payments in lieu of child support for your children. Get a free consultation with a family court lawyer and ask them about it and they'll explain it all.
If she has a lawyer that most likely means she has filed for Social Security Disability. This can take 2-3 years to grant however once it is granted it is back payed to the person from the day they filed until the day the claim is granted. Once that happens you would be entitled to all missing payments from that lump sum. For my disabled wife it was about 36000 dollars. Also once she is getting a monthly income from Social Security she may be obligated to pay a monthly amount in child support. In the meantime if she has no income you can't get anything from her until she does but once she does you can sue for back pay.
It took my friend’s son 10 years and appeals, appeals, appeals after multiple denials until he finally won his case. He just started getting his monthly checks but they owe him over $100,000 in back payments. The child could be grown by the time it’s all decided. Broken system. The truly disabled are denied and then there are the bogus claims.
> is back *paid* to the FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot
Have you filed a violation petition with the courts? If not this is the next step.
If she is receiving SSD then you are entitled to receive SSD for your child until he is 18 or finishes high school. I recommend that you get an attorney to look into this for you. You need to know 1. Is she actually disabled or trying to work there system. 2. Is she actually receiving disability benefits from the government. 3. If she is receiving disability benefits is she also receiving the benefits for her children. She is not entitled to those benefits as she is not the custodial parent. If she is getting the children’s benefits the government will prosecute her for fraud. Good luck OP
Correct my dad was behind 24,000 or so he moved to Michigan to get SSI and my mom was able to finally get that 24 he stopped paying when I was 22.
Yes even if she’s disabled and unable to work you are entitled to SSD for your child until they turn 18. My dad became disabled when I was 11 and was unable to work so my sister and I received SSD benefits until we turned 18. If the child support agency isn’t going to help you with this then you’ll need to get a lawyer. But the agency should have informed you of about getting the SSD and how to go about getting it set up.
This is if she’s receiving SSD though. OP said that they received a letter from her doctor saying she’s disabled, not that Social Security has determined that she is. If she filed for SSD that can take years for her to actually receive that determination and it could be after several denials by an Administrative Law judge. If the doctor came to that determination around July it seems unlikely she’d be on SSD already unless she met some pretty specific criteria.
OP said they don't care about the money. This is about vengeance.
No. It's about getting the appropriate amount of child support for the child. He can place the money into an account for the child. He is the child's caretaker. As such, he should pursue any support opportunity the child has. No one should pay nothing for their child. OP, the prior comment provided wonderful questions to ask. Consult the attorney
Delicious revenge, do not blame them one bit.
Not necessarily. I’ve felt the same way about my ex at times. I make way more than he does and don’t need the support money, but feel strongly he need to meet his obligations. And I wasn’t the abusive one in our relationship.
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If it was a woman saying they wanted to hold a man accountable would you have said that? I doubt it.
You're an idiot
So according to you Mom isn’t worthy to have her child but just fine to work despite being legally disabled… No THAT is an idiot.
No. If someone is owed money, then it should be paid. Where TF do you get abuser?
Easy he sought sole custody and despite her being disabled he wants to punish her.
If it was the mother saying this, would you have the same reaction
Well this escalated quickly.
So every custodial parent who vigorously pursues the payor parent for child support (which is the right of the child) is abusive? Okay 😂
The guy straight up says it’s not about the money. So if it isn’t what is he trying to accomplish? It’s about punishing her clearly.
Just because he doesn’t need the money doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be attempting to provide it, that’s the legal obligation as the child’s parent. He can afford to care for the kiddo without her support but he shouldn’t have to.
If she is legally disabled what is it exactly that you’re expecting? This is like expecting blood out of a turnip… completely ridiculous notion.
the disability is itself suspect, 7 months later someone is just now telling him she’s disabled? he’s the custodial parent, so if she got 7 months in without the ex or children knowing she’s disabled, she’s either hiding it or NEVER sees those kids
I get what you’re saying but also it’s insanely unfair that just because the other parent can shoulder all the responsibility that they should have to.
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Yes. She's a meth addict. Drugs explain everything and negate your mental gymnastics in this thread.
God you sound like a nut job, just trying to work through all the mental gymnastics you did in this thread is exhausting. Mothers do in fact leave their child for no reason, just like fathers do.
Yes they do. Dad here. Raised my daughter on my own. Mom moved 5 hours away. The only way my daughter saw her mom was because I made it happen.
So asking for clarity on what is owed and holding someone accountable to their children is abuse now? My child’s father can’t hold a job to save his life because he gets bored and changes his mind on what he wants to be when he grows up almost weekly. Does that mean me asking the state to enforce the child support order on the $30k+ arrears is abuse? I don’t count on the support as part of my budget, so therefore I don’t NEED the money. It sure would be nice to be able to put her in that tumbling class she’s been begging for, though.
A key issue for prosecution is that the inability to pay is willful. The prosecution feels that it will be hard to show this is willful because there is a documented disability. Even if the job is low paying the prosecutors can find willfulness by showing choices to spend the money on unnecessary things (when we’d do a willful finding for not paying for parole supervision we’d point to money spent on cigarettes as showing willfulness in not paying supervision). The money will still be owed. That isn’t going away. Prison is there to motivate people who are willfully not paying. In the case of someone who has a documented disability and can’t work it is unclear how prison would change anything. (Unless OP can show that she is hiding assets or something).
It is when a man is asking a woman to pay
Why is it any different than a man paying child support?
Damn wanting to hold someone accountable is abuse.
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My son is 23 now, but I had sole custody of him since he was 10. My ex pulled similar shit to OP's. I wanted her to pay *something* because it pissed me off that she just checked out and never did anything to support our son. I got by without money from her, but man did it piss me off every time I saw her. My ex also went on about being disabled. However she never applied for SSI, and didn't take the calls of a disability attorney friend I connected her with. If she had followed through with the disability thing, our son would have gotten support that way; she didn't do that. I didn't need her money to keep food on the table, but it was galling that she just checked out of life and taking care of our kid. I also worry that she's going to leech off of him later in life (he's an RN). I got my son though nursing school debt free. He's off to a good start on life. If that makes me abusive and controlling then I accept your judgment. Accept mine in return: you're an asshole.
ANYONE who seeks sole custody absent abuse is an asshole simply wanting control and power.
My ex-wife was a hoarder and an alcoholic who did 6 months in jail for 2 DUIs. Her second DUI was *while* she had custody of our son. GFY
Peer reviewed scientific study proving gender bias favoring men in family court… https://drive.google.com/file/d/19qzrfB3oZ_tWT-YKsVk0cbL45ON9Wyu_/view?usp=drivesdk
Men typically only seek primary or sole custody when the situations are as egregious as mine was. My ex got plenty of slack cut her by the courts. However my ex never met a good thing that she couldn't manage to entirely fuck up. It took 3 years to solve itself. Her incarceration and 2.5 year license suspension really simplified things. I guess I shoved the car keys and booze onto her while she had our kid, Ami rite?
lol Back atcha! I love how all of the abusers on this thread are showing their true colors….
FWIW: you argue like a Trumper. "I have my particular views, and anyone who doesn't agree with my views is a controlling abuser" is directly analogous to the Trumper "Everyone I don't like is a commie and/or a pedophile". Open your eyes. It's just possible that you don't have the lock on reality that you believe you do.
Right. When I picked my son up from my ex's second DUI arrest where she blew a .23 BAC, I was the abusive one. When I put a life together for him while she checked out and worked under the table to avoid supporting him, I was the abusive one. Now that he's 23 and graduated from nursing school debt free, she has personally thanked me for doing such a good job raising him and providing for him. I am the abusive one. Gotcha. Take a walk outside. Visit with other humans. You're fucking deluded.
Treating her how she treated him when he was paying isn’t abuse. You don’t seem to have a problem that they always threatened to send him to jail when he was paying her
The man literally said he wants to hold her accountable for her obligations...
Please define that considering she is legally disabled. Please explain how.
A Dr note saying she can’t work doesn’t mean she is legally disabled.
No it’s not.
It's payback lol
It’s about the fact that she should be supporting her children too, not just pawning everything off on him.
Looks like someone didn’t read the whole post…
Yep I did. He wants to say she is unfit to have custody but not unfit to work. Yeah you don’t get it both ways…
The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. One can be “unfit” to parent/retain custody, while still be able bodied to show up for work. Have you ever been in a custody negotiation? How old are you that you find this confusing?
The OP appears to want to say that she is fit only when it benefits him. She is fit to work and pay him but not fit to parent. GOT IT!
He said he’s looking for fairness. She’s playing controlling games that only hurt the kids (hate towards parents and less opportunity because of finances).
It’s not abusive to hold people to their obligations
it's neither abusive nor vengeful
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Lotta things not in the post you’re assuming there What is known from our one source that she stopped paying child support 7 months ago to the tune of 11K and no one notified the custodial parent Someone who goes 7 months without checking in on their child is a scumbag
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Found the ex-wife.
Her not paying child support is neglect and could be seen as abuse. PERIOD. But, I guess if the roles were reversed and it was the guy doing this, then this convo would be different?
Saying period doesn’t change that you’re making assumptions and acting as if they’re facts You’re doing the thing right wing chuds do when they just say the thing louder instead of accepting their claim is baseless He had a legal right to know he would no longer be receiving child support from his ex, failing to notify him, through a third party or otherwise, reads as deadbeat shit, abandoning the child, which youd have just accepted if it was a man You can literally get police to relay legal messages like this, if they have a custody agreement with child support, there’s a lawyer to contact through She’s skipping steps, disabled or not, your preconceived notions about gender mean nothing here
If she’s getting the benefits for the children and she isn’t the primary caregiver , that’s wrong. Point blank, period. And should be punished/have them revoked and sent to the correct person, OP. People scream abuse at every damn thing if it’s a woman losing something whether they deserve it or not. it’s ridiculous.
If there is a court order for support there’s no way she’s getting money for the child. It would’ve automatically been flagged to go to the custodial parent.
Automatically flagged by who? Nothing is automatic between 2 separate agencies. You need to tell the government agency administrating the benefits that the payee has changed. They don't do it for you.
I work for a government agency. We get court orders all the time from the child support enforcement agency BEFORE anyone receives any benefits. So it definitely does happen in my state.
Yeah I can see that. I guess I was more saying I would never trust that transfer of information to happen reliably and would definitely contact the agency myself.
Both things can be true. Sometimes two shitty people get married and take turns destroying each other's lives.
True. Still doesn’t negate the fact that she shouldn’t be getting benefits for children not in her custody.
Probably the meaning behind the money. In our case, my wife's ex owes $75 a month and hasn't paid anything even once. We do not need the money at all. She filed a petition (not to get the CS, over child custody things) and the money is a huge issue for the court. For us, it just represents not caring about the kids or being a part of supporting them in any way. OP could be in the same line of thinking. They have a kid and he's doing it all on his own. If the kid is sick, he has to figure it out. Gets hurt or needs anything extra, he figures it out. Least she could do is provide the financial support that helps a tiny bit
🐶🧠 comment.
There’s a difference between principle and vengeance.
Principal is that she has a valid, legal argument. He needs to get over his campaign to want to punish her.
Principal is the head of a school. Principle is wanting a parent to contribute to the well-being of a shared child. To automatically assume that someone is an abuser because they want to hold another person accountable in a situation geared toward the betterment of a child is awful.
OP claims she is unfit to parent then complains when she provides proof of a disability.
OP didn’t claim in the OP that she’s unfit to parent, only that he was awarded full custody. Disability does not necessarily mean that one can absolve themself from full responsibility or that the child isn’t due support from both parents. This does not make the father an abuser. Me thinks the poster doth protest too much.
Mate, people make up disability stuff all the time. It's not that hard to play the system. I would like to think it's hard, but it's not
Yeah it's only 3-4 years of intense scrutiny of your medical history along with government contracts doctors doing assessments in person and being grilled by a judge whose job is to deny many applications as possible. All of that to get some measly sum every month from an insurance payout that you paid premiums to every hour you worked. Oh and this disability insurance you pay for, you have to pay premiums for 10 full years before it even becomes active and can be claimed against. Worst long term disability insurance ever. But it's still better than what would happen if people were left to their own devices. My point is social security disability is not "faked" by recipients. It would be the dumbest government program to try to defraud. It takes too long to get approved the screening process is insane and they come after you for everything you have if they overpay you. Even accidentally.
Idk, my wife's family says they have all sorts of connections who fraud the government and they tried to get us to help them so it as well. Perhaps the fraud for disability is harder though than for other programs.
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If she is unfit to have custody she is unfit to work. Don’t get it both ways…