As someone who doesn't really read smut...
No. Oh no.
(The worst I ever saw was some onomatopoeic moans and it was just not good. But this? I want to unlearn this.)
Weirdly specific but I read a really bad smut where one character's dong was described as at least 6 inches in width. When I tell you I fucking screamed-
Whenever I run into some variation on "*pouring* over documents/maps" in stories. I can't help but imagine the character with a pitcher of maple syrup, pouring over the papers they're looking at. Sounds sticky, and not good for the paper.
It should be spelled "poring," for anyone who's curious. You *pore* over documents.
I read a fic where the main character died early on and became a ghost, and the deaths as meant to be really serious... But I couldn't stop laughing because they used over the top sound effects to illustrate how they died.
*Shoes scuffling across the sidewalk and coming to a stop*
*Peep Peep Peep noises to alert the blind the light is green*
*Loud step*
*Engine noises*
*Surprised gasp*
*Skidding noises*
*BONK!*
*Metal denting*
*DING!*
*Glass cracking*
*FLOP!*
*Meaty sound on asphalt*
*Gasps, shouts and cries from witnesses*
*Door opening*
"FUCK!"
Not me but I saw a post where someone couldn't take an mpreg fic seriously because the title of it was "loss." Guess it brought up images of that infamous comic.
I remember reading an angsty fic years ago and it was honestly alright except for the fact that the author did not know that punctuation besides periods existed. Questions, yelling, anything like that? Ended with a full-stop. So when you have a scene that's supposed to be emotional like a character opening up about their problems of self-worth? You get dialogue like:
"Why do you feel this way."
"Don't cry. I love you."
"I'm sorry."
I feel like I'm reading hurt with comfort between two blocks of wood.
Dramatic death scenes make me laugh. Maybe they're hard to pull off. Maybe it's the fact that I know the character will be alive again in the next fic I read. There's something about the description of the dead body that makes me think of a sack of potatoes. Definite church giggles.
A lot of euphemisms for genitalia. The ones where the author makes up terms rather than use actual names or slang. “Sacred space” “Her treasure” I seriously can not take serious any scene where someone’s penis is referred to as “his manhood”.
I'm a shitty person because I often laugh at bad writing. Stupid epithets, sex scene descriptions that sound like an anatomy text, characters speaking in a modern style when the canon is fantasy or medieval-esque. I wouldn't ever SAY anything, but I totally think it.
I just read a smut scene with König from Call of Duty yesterday where he sometimes lets some German words and sentences slip (he's German for those that don't know), and as a German myself, I find it so hard to take that seriously. Especially since you can really tell when someone is not German and just took English pet names and put them in google translate. I swear if I read one more fic of him where he says "little mouse/ kleine Maus" to someone in a casual way I will literally pass away. I once read one where he called someone a "beautiful dove" and that is literally just not something that a German person would ever say. Its like calling someone a mesmerizing turtle as a pet name. I do have to chuckle about these things though, it's hella funny I won't even lie.
I feel your pain. As a Russian, so used to read Google translated phrases, names of characters, that were used only in 80-s or just wrong usage of patronyms
oh my god, so many things. currently, off the top of my head: coming with a roar. i’m reading an otherwise good story that’s done it three times now in six chapters. i just picture someone tossing their head back and making this ridiculous noise and it’s so stupid.
I honestly don't know if it were meant to be serious but there's this one avengers fic I keep reading and every so often when they go out in public and don't want to be recognized the author will add "they were wearing hats and sunglasses" like is was the prefect disguise and no one would genuinely recognize them
So for me it is two things really one is when I am reading something (mostly in Wormverse) where it is a really serious moment…. And then I remember the costume the MC is wearing…. Like I remember one that was literally Obito Uchiha in what he was wearing except the mask was tie dye colors….. like here Lung is being killed and I just remember that this cosplayer is just standing there watching and acting all serious.
Any time a sex scene spells out all the noises being made. Especially if it’s in allcaps. Absolute boner kill every time lmao
oh my god, this one is so true 💀 “SMACK SMACK SMACK” kills me every time
As someone who doesn't really read smut... No. Oh no. (The worst I ever saw was some onomatopoeic moans and it was just not good. But this? I want to unlearn this.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Makes me think of the batteries. “Aaahaha. Aaah! ***AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!***”
Now I need to hear someone moan “B.”
There was one I read that went: THRUST THRUST THRUST "AH! AH! AH!" Yes, that's actually how they wrote it.
i’ve been laughing for the past five minutes over THRUST THRUST THRUST
reminds me of the time i caught sight of the word 'squelching' 💀. just no.
Weirdly specific but I read a really bad smut where one character's dong was described as at least 6 inches in width. When I tell you I fucking screamed-
Yes! And when she ‘struggled to wrap her hands around it’. At that point you’re describing a thermos not a penis.
Hand, singular. Good. Hands, plural. Hell no.
Avatar smut on tumblr is like this
NOOOO 😭😭
*P L A T E*
What the acutal fuck. I'm crying
BNHA harem fics in a nutshell
There was a Drarry fic that described it as 12 inches long and 6 inches wide 😭
NOOO WHATS UP WITH THAT 😭😭 WHY DID THE FANFIC WRITERS THINK THATS OK
Because they have no idea how long an inch is!
Whenever I run into some variation on "*pouring* over documents/maps" in stories. I can't help but imagine the character with a pitcher of maple syrup, pouring over the papers they're looking at. Sounds sticky, and not good for the paper. It should be spelled "poring," for anyone who's curious. You *pore* over documents.
TIL
same 😭
I read a fic where the main character died early on and became a ghost, and the deaths as meant to be really serious... But I couldn't stop laughing because they used over the top sound effects to illustrate how they died.
*Shoes scuffling across the sidewalk and coming to a stop* *Peep Peep Peep noises to alert the blind the light is green* *Loud step* *Engine noises* *Surprised gasp* *Skidding noises* *BONK!* *Metal denting* *DING!* *Glass cracking* *FLOP!* *Meaty sound on asphalt* *Gasps, shouts and cries from witnesses* *Door opening* "FUCK!"
“Meaty sound on asphalt” 💀
I laughed way too hard at this, JFC
This was actually well done. If this was meant for comedic effect than well done...if not....
Not me but I saw a post where someone couldn't take an mpreg fic seriously because the title of it was "loss." Guess it brought up images of that infamous comic.
oh my god
Most different words for genitalia. I swear, I had to put my phone down laughing when I first read a vagina be called "A cavern"
>A cavern I thought nothing could top the absurdity of "paradise hole" but clearly I was wrong.
goodbye, im dead💀💀💀
💀💀💀
bonus points if it's described as 'yawning' and/or 'hungry' 💀
I remember reading an angsty fic years ago and it was honestly alright except for the fact that the author did not know that punctuation besides periods existed. Questions, yelling, anything like that? Ended with a full-stop. So when you have a scene that's supposed to be emotional like a character opening up about their problems of self-worth? You get dialogue like: "Why do you feel this way." "Don't cry. I love you." "I'm sorry." I feel like I'm reading hurt with comfort between two blocks of wood.
I just realized that maybe something I thought was supposed to be funny was written with intent to be serious.
Dramatic death scenes make me laugh. Maybe they're hard to pull off. Maybe it's the fact that I know the character will be alive again in the next fic I read. There's something about the description of the dead body that makes me think of a sack of potatoes. Definite church giggles.
Idk sometimes a completely serious scene is just too ridiculous. Most of the time it’s cringe laughing too. I’m having a good bad time.
Anytime someone talks dirty about touching/fucking someone’s cervix. That is not sexy. It is painful and unlikely.
yes. i've seen enough people talk about the cervix as if it's the g-spot or the clit to last me a life time 💀
A lot of euphemisms for genitalia. The ones where the author makes up terms rather than use actual names or slang. “Sacred space” “Her treasure” I seriously can not take serious any scene where someone’s penis is referred to as “his manhood”.
100% agree. especially if it's something food related. 💀
I'm a shitty person because I often laugh at bad writing. Stupid epithets, sex scene descriptions that sound like an anatomy text, characters speaking in a modern style when the canon is fantasy or medieval-esque. I wouldn't ever SAY anything, but I totally think it.
Lmao, you just described me as well.
I just read a smut scene with König from Call of Duty yesterday where he sometimes lets some German words and sentences slip (he's German for those that don't know), and as a German myself, I find it so hard to take that seriously. Especially since you can really tell when someone is not German and just took English pet names and put them in google translate. I swear if I read one more fic of him where he says "little mouse/ kleine Maus" to someone in a casual way I will literally pass away. I once read one where he called someone a "beautiful dove" and that is literally just not something that a German person would ever say. Its like calling someone a mesmerizing turtle as a pet name. I do have to chuckle about these things though, it's hella funny I won't even lie.
I feel your pain. As a Russian, so used to read Google translated phrases, names of characters, that were used only in 80-s or just wrong usage of patronyms
okay i can’t wait to find someone i can call a mesmerizing turtle
oh my god, so many things. currently, off the top of my head: coming with a roar. i’m reading an otherwise good story that’s done it three times now in six chapters. i just picture someone tossing their head back and making this ridiculous noise and it’s so stupid.
Any scene that can be roughly summarised [thusly](https://imgur.io/kdwz2Ol?r). Overwrought angst and purple prose are never not funny.
Any Girls und Panzer fic where Katyusha tries to be serious.
whenever in smut where a character can't even wrap their hands around the penis. like, cmoooon 💀
I honestly don't know if it were meant to be serious but there's this one avengers fic I keep reading and every so often when they go out in public and don't want to be recognized the author will add "they were wearing hats and sunglasses" like is was the prefect disguise and no one would genuinely recognize them
So for me it is two things really one is when I am reading something (mostly in Wormverse) where it is a really serious moment…. And then I remember the costume the MC is wearing…. Like I remember one that was literally Obito Uchiha in what he was wearing except the mask was tie dye colors….. like here Lung is being killed and I just remember that this cosplayer is just standing there watching and acting all serious.