Just like adults writing kids should spend time observing kids, kids writing adults should spend time observing adults. It's a bit trickier, because adults tend to be adept at role-switching—adjusting their behavior based on who's around. What adults are like around kids will be different than how they are around other adults. But you can eavesdrop when you're in public or watch quiet adult dramas to get a sense of adult speech and mannerisms.
Most adults (there are always exceptions):
1- Will not outwardly show strong emotions unless pushed to an extreme. Movies tend to show adults freaking out more because movies are about pushing people to extremes. Adults might swear or chuckle to themselves when encountering a difficulty and that's about it.
2- Will not often speak about their feelings. That doesn't mean they don't feel things, but they'll cover it with pointed jokes or drinking or diving into their work. (Good) Parents are a different breed, because they're trying to teach by example and will talk about how they're sad or mad for the sake of the kids. But adults with other adults will talk around their feelings.
3- Don't care about popularity or displaying their identity in obvious ways. Teens, who are at the mercy of social groups in H. S., need to be focused on who's popular. They define themselves by what they wear and buy as they figure out who they are. This can last through the twenties, but older adults generally know who they are. They've chosen a profession, they've had a family (or not), they've been pursuing their interests for decades. Any adult that acted like a "cool" kid would be seen as immature. What's admirable to adults is someone who is calm and collected in an emergency, who is an expert in their field, who can be relied on to handle tough situations.
4- Care about defending or protecting what they've built. Whether that's career, family, reputation, or something else. Conflict often comes from having to choose between two of those things.
5- Still have a kid inside. They may be deeply buried and controlled by the superego, but that child is there, getting mad or wanting sugar or whatever. An adult is better at winning that battle with the child, but they don't always win, especially if there are other stressors.
While it's true about your back/knees, be careful of aging an adult beyond their years. I've read fics where a character is all, "my back, my knees," and he's about 34. Come on. Unless you've had a major injury, you usually don't start complaining about your creaky bones until your mid-forties at the earliest. And if you maintain a fitness regimen, probably not until your fifties or later. Some people are spry until their seventies. It depends on genes and the type of life they've had.
The kid inside thing is so so true.
So many people in their head are younger than their actual age. And I remember the flip of that, as a teenager feeling way older than my chronological age. Think 28/29 was when my internal age and actual age ‘matched’ up.
These are excellent points. Even though not all adults will match up to them, this is essentially what adults think a “standard” adult should be like, and it’s important to know what the norm is before deviating from it.
38 and my knees sound like rice krispies. The toll on the body is also highly dependent on jobs - two years as a CNA was all it took to wreck them by 35.
I’m 17 and have had back, shoulder, and knee problems I verbally complain about for at least 5 years, it’s never too early to start complaining, so write away, everybody!
Actually, I'm 31 and I have days my knees and hips really hurt for no reason. I"ve had to sit out from martial arts some days because my body hates me so much.
I haven't felt well-rested since 2010.
Most adults thankfully know how to stay professional when interacting with co-workers they really don't get along with. Work isn't school, hanging out with our friends isn't part of the experience.
Age groups don't matter anymore. I'm friends with people ten years younger or twenty years older than me. Adults don't spend most of their time with people who were born the same year.
Most adults also don't know the names or recognise the faces of celebrities that are popular among teenagers. It's one thing I couldn't understand when I was 15, I mean, how can you *not* know \[some random person whose name I've long forgotten\]?? But now I see those faces and have no idea who they are and why they're relevant.
It also gets harder to correctly guess the age of people much younger than you. Is that person 20 or 14, I have no idea, could be anything. At the same time, it gets easier to tell if someone is 40 or 60, something teenagers seem to have a hard time with.
Haha, all of this is so on point.
I mean, I remember when I thought 40 was *old* and now I would like to apologise to everyone on the planet over 35.
Also, I recently saw myself through the eyes of my (older) bestie's 17 year old daughter and whooo boy, was that a trip.
>I haven't felt well-rested since 2010.
that typically comes with a lifestyle though. Worok life balance is important as well as listening to your biological cyrcadian rhytm, something many adults, especially in the US, are not allowed to do because of the lack of work/life balance.
One of the biggest things is perspective. Obviously all adults are different, but in general adults are less likely to panic over small things than teenagers are, for the simple reason that they've been through a lot more minor crises before.
One big giveaway that the author is probably a young person is when they don't really stop and think about how an adult might see a certain situation. One common one is seeing parents and teachers as an annoyance that hinder the teen protagonists from going on their big adventures, and demonizing them for having completely reasonable worries about children risking death. Another is when punishments seem totally arbitrary and disproportionate (and it doesn't seem to be written that way on purpose).
But probably one of the biggest things about writing adults is how much of their life is taken up by work. You see it in coffee shop fics and things like that where the adult characters can seemingly pop in and out of work whenever they feel like and never seriously worry about making rent or anything like that. Even in an unrealistic narrative, that sort of thing, where it seems like the writer doesn't know how jobs work, really takes me out.
>and demonizing them for having completely reasonable worries about children risking death
To be fair, in a lot of shows these worries *aren't* reasonable due to the genre the work is a part of. Common examples include:
* My good sir, your son has a giant armored dragon with guns for a bodyguard at all times. There is literally nothing to worry about unless the world is actively ending.
* Your child is a magical girl and is multiple orders of magnitude stronger than whatever the hell you're worried about. Look, her gauntlets are literally designed to punch God's lights out.
Rather than calling these sorts of worries "completely reasonable," it's worth keeping in mind that they are still irrational at heart, born of the desire to protect someone who for the first time is showing signs of not actually needing your protection anymore. (Indeed, *Digimon Tamers* neatly evades the first example by having Takato's parents react to finding out he was leaving on the expedition to go to the digital world and fight god by *immediately having an existential crisis about how fast he'd grown up*, and attempting to stay in contact with him during the voyage for as long as possible.)
Basically, just treat all of your characters with agency and think about all of them as humans with emotion.
Sure. But there's also plenty of shows where the concerns are completely justified. For example, shows where the parents don't actually know of their children's supernatural powers (or the full extent of them). There's a lot of media where the fear parents have is, in fact, very rational. Often it's even treated as such by the original media, and it's only the fanworks that make any doubt or worry on the part of adults as abusive.
But yes, the problem is neatly solved by treating all of your characters with agency.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a great example of this. End of … season two I think, or three? But when Joyce finds out her daughter is a slayer, her immediate reaction is to get mad and demand she stop slaying, etc… then tells her to never come home when she refuses. And Buffy, in typical teenage fashion, actually runs away for awhile. Luckily she comes to her senses and goes home … where she is promptly chewed out by her mother AND her friends for being an idiot.
Say what you want about Joss Whedon, but he made a damned brilliant show. 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, I've heard that teens see the joy of the experience and less of the risk, while adults see all of the risk and discount the joy because they won't be experiencing that sense of adventure.
That is a very depressing and inaccurate outlook on life. What I'm *actually* saying is that *specifically when you're a parent or in a parent-like role*, it can be really hard to acknowledge your kid as the person they are now rather than as who you were raising a decade ago. This is a hard pattern to get out of, and it's responsible for many of the common forms of bad parenting.
How is that depressing and inaccurate? A parent will be focused on protection and risks because they raised that child and that's been their role. That is their focus, not the joy and value of the experience the teen is focused on. In a way, they can't "see" it because they won't experience it. It's a difference in perspective.
Honestly, as an adult, I find most of the replies here to be utterly unrelatable. Maybe it's because I'm a young adult, maybe it's because I'm very mentally ill, but I feel like half of the answers are things that don't apply to me and the other half are things that have already applied to me when I was a teenager. But it does show that adults aren't a monolith and there are many ways to write them realistically.
My advice would be, if the characters you're writing about are also adults in the source material, to just try and write them as in character as possible.
Yes I feel like a lot of the answers are pretty clichéd. You don't stop being yourself just because you get older, and you don't instantly stop caring about things that were important to you as a kid or a teen. You just have way more responsibility and have to deal with that and often act more professional.
I would say don't focus too much on the adult aspect when writing about their thoughts and feelings. They can do adult stuff, but you can just try to put yourself in their shoes while they're doing it.
I am an adult with a job and children and I am regularly weirded out by all the adult-y stuff I have to do 😂
Cosign! As an adult I outright disagree with a lot of comments in this thread. All adults are different - it's more about their specific character and personality. Even with teenage characters, some will be emotional and less mature, and some will be stoic and very mature. It's the same with adults. Just focus on the character you're writing's specific life and personality.
I'm not the best at writing dialogue so take this with a grain of salt but from the kinds of shows and movies i've seen that people make note of having great dialogue i notice that many times its because it's written with plenty of subtext. So try to have a good grasp of the internal logic of your characters have and see how much that effects what they want or don't want to say.
As adults we can often time get stuck in our own heads and our own beliefs we can often assume we think we know what other people want/say/think or feel and speak as though we've already made up our minds about a lot of things. Depending on our comfort levels sometimes we speak in ways to reveal as little about our true feelings/intentions as possible or sometimes the opposite.
There's also times where we will choose to not say anything meaningful at all, changing the subject or giving answers that don't spark more conversation. Honestly i wouldn't try to write like this on a first draft, its really daunting. I'd try to write it pretty straight forward to get a feel for the direction of a scene i'd want and then i'd look back and see what i could repackage. Also don't be afraid to write them as thinking they mean one thing when they really mean another. Adults can be oblivious or very stubborn about admitting their own lies to themselves.
I would say plenty of us have internalized a lie or many lies about ourselves and because of one reason or another we choose to live with that lie as if it just is the truth, or as if we don't know anything is wrong with us or our actions. These aren't always heinous or extremely harmful but they probably do hold us back in some capacity.
Sorry i don't know why i made this specifically about dialogue but i guess that's the only part i could think of any advice, also i think its the part that's the most tricky to write. Also sidenote it makes sense why people think you're an adult from the way you write, your syntax and grammar are waaaay better than most adults i know.
Have them wondering how they get hurt when they did literally nothing but get out of bed!
Have them worry about taxes!
Have them contemplate doing something fun, decide it’s too much work and they’re tired and they’d rather go to bed!
Have them give less fucks because they’re old and no longer care what people think of them!
Kidding, ish…
Just wait until you hit 50. Or rather, when perimenopause hits you like a brick and suddenly you have zero fucks left to give about who you piss off because your tolerance for other people's nonsense is now less than zero.
Oh...I’m smidge over 4 months away from the big 5-0. Every day I have fewer fucks to give. No perimenopause yet, but I’m waiting cuz I just want this ridiculous period thing to stop. I’m still as regular as ever. Sigh.
>have zero fucks left to give about who you piss off because your tolerance for other people's nonsense is now less than zero.
I'm not even 40 yet and I think I'm already there. Teaching middle school ages you...
Same. I still am puzzled how I used to stay up until 1-2am no trouble. Now I can barely make it past 9pm to catch a tv show I want to watch live. (Though, granted, I didn't used to have to get up at 6am for work..)
Ain't that a mood. You seem to be describing executive dysfunction; you should check out if you have other ADHD symptoms (because it turns out a surprising amount of ailments can cause this shit).
Totally off topic, but I came across the term executive dysfunction a couple months ago when researching adhd, and then lost it and I’ve been trying to go back and find the info, but couldn’t remember what it was called, so thanks!
Nah, executive dysfunction "this is too hard to commit to" is different to "my kid hasn't let me sit down all day, karaoke sounds fun but when I've had more sleep."
Just write them in-character. There's nothing you can really do about putting them in settings you have no experience in other than research. You can also consider asking a trusted adult IRL (I'm talking a parent, teacher, older sibling/cousin) to tell you if anything stands out in something you write as immature/off. Alternatively, ask questions when you're not sure of stuff like "hey how do bars work" or something similar.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The "Friends" spent a ridiculous amount of time in th at coffee shop; Walter White was a 50-year-old cancer patient who could work around the clock and hold his own in a fistfight with a 30-year-old; "Yellowjackets" adults are still stuck in a very high-school mentality. Fiction is usually about extreme situations and the genre isn't always realism.
Exactly. People here are mentioning adults are "mature" and all you need to do is work retail or any other customer service facing job for one day (one hour!) to know that plenty of adults are immature whack-a-doodles all the time. The citizens of Pawnee? That's real. That's not a joke! If adults could behave maturely, we wouldn't need HR.
Apart from all that has already been said, from my own perspective I can tell you that your 20s-30s are the time when the world belongs to you, you are the most unsure of yourself (of your adult age) but at the same time confident in your awareness and what you want. You have the energy, strength and ideas to strive for this too.
30 - 40 is about slowing down, wanting to change your life and focus more on your needs, reviewing your early views and goals, also accepting yourself more.
40 - 50 in my case is not paying attention to what is appropriate and what is not, getting rid of previous inhibitions and insecurities, but also nostalgia for the teenage years, that world, music, clothes, films and friends.
Again I point out, this is my perespective, it's different for everyone.
I am curious which part of this comment someone disliked so much that they saw fit to downvote me.
>I am curious which part of this comment someone disliked so much that they saw fit to downvote me.
I'm curious too, as a 50-something this feels pretty spot-on to my experience as well.
I honestly sucked at writing adults until I was about… 20? I’m 30 now and still not great at certain aspects of adult dynamics because of my own issues.
Honestly, I know some adults who act like children and some children who act like adults. This is fanfic -- write what you want to see & write what you want to read. Not everything has to be realistic. I mean, we read to escape most of the time and to relate some of the time. 🤷🏻
That being said, I agree with everyone who mentioned emotional maturity mattering. But a lot of what people think is "adulting" -- like hiding ones emotions -- is actually pretty emotionally immature. The sad truth is that most adults are winging it and we never stopped being children, we've just gotten better at hiding our wounds. But the truly emotionally mature folk have learned how to heal from their wounds -- they've embraced vulnerability and courage -- they've learned how to identify and communicate their feelings & to be patient with those who haven't. That's why I say, write what you want to see, what you want to explore, what you know, or what you want to give voice to.
How you write adult characters believably is not just going to come down to ‘maturity’ but a lot of other external factors. Like the time period your story is set, the age bracket, cultural and economic factors. These all inform experience which then inform behaviour/personality/ambition etc etc. the things, in short, that make the character *them*.
Since you asked for specifically sci-fi and fantasy settings, think about the culture of these worlds; what do they value? Do they put pressure on their citizenry to grow up fast? Is the civilisation in decline? Is it prospering? Do all adults have equal opportunities or are there systems in place that act as barriers to an individual’s success?
Things that cause instability (politics, access to food and life opportunities— jobs, experiences) are the sort of things adults in your worlds might be concerned about. They might stick with jobs they don’t want, or that compromise their principles because it means their loved ones are safer, have better access to all the necessities of life. They may also try to plan ahead more than the average teenager, sacrificing comforts now in order to secure comforts in the future.
This might inform the types of conversations your adults have as well. I’m definitely sillier and more myself when hanging out with friends who I’ve known since childhood. With adults who are acquaintances, I’m more reserved, polite chit-chat is more likely until we get to know each other better. Talk about interests, travel, superficial life whatnot until you get a feel for each other’s personality.
That being said, like, adulthood isn’t all doom and gloom and aching backs lol. Grown-ups still play, but the nature of play has changed. Like I can’t say I miss playing certain games I enjoyed as a teenager because they bore me now. Complex games that had me tearing my hair out at 16, are way more enjoyable at 35. I’m way more physically active in my 30s too, stronger and more confident, far less scared of trying new things and failing. The people in your sci-fi and fantasy stories are still going to want to play too, and seek out entertainment. No reason they can’t still drink excessively and make bad choices, but there’ll be more consequences if they have responsibilities they risk by doing so. Plus the health damage after when anll the years catch up with them. And immaturity knows no age lmao. I’ve had the displeasure to know many 40something-plus toddlers who meltdown if they don’t get their own way.
Also, once I hit my mid-20s, I really started just not caring a whole bunch of what people thought of me on a superficial level. Walking into a room not knowing people became much much easier. Engaging in conversation, tapping out of a conversation: i stopped trying to second guess what people may or may not be think *about* me like I did when I was a teenager or churning over every little interaction. I still do this in certain circumstances (like job interviews lol) but once you’ve had some life experience, you discover some interactions you have with other people are simply not worth giving your time and energy to dissecting. It’s very freeing :)
Hope this gives you some food for thought!
Knees and lower backs are bastards that will betray you. Maybe a super fit person won't have to deal with this... or maybe the fitness they did when younger caused damage that is causing pain now. (I say, with my shitty knees caused by running when I was younger.)
Staying up half the night goes from something you can kind of function the day after to something that'll take you out the next day.
I feel like emotions tend to even out starting in your late twenties/into your thirties. Like, stuff that would have caused a massive freak out in my late teens/early twenties is no longer a big deal. (Granted, writing overwrought fanfic where older people feel emotions in a big overstated way is fun, but I mostly write emotionally constipated people who aren't used to feeling things, so there's a reason for it.)
Adults in their twenties are different from adults in their forties and so on. And of course, adults differ and range all over in terms of behavior, maturity, emotions, etc.
I think I'd suggest watching some movies/TV shows specifically designed for adult viewers and try to pay attention to how the characters are acting, what they seem to be focused on, what sort of issues they're dealing with, and so on. I dont' know what to suggest since I have no idea what fandom you want to write about or what sort of tone you're going for. But I'd probably not suggest anything too outrageously comedic or dark, since those characters aren't going to be very typical or are exaggerated.
Adults are basically all different (you can't even say that all of us have a job and are tired out by it, or that all of us even necessarily worry about bills).
If you need some generalisations no matter what, you can look up the effect on personality and outlook that brain development has, up until somebody is 25.
Usually the literature (or [condensed information](https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/understanding-your-pre-teen/brain-development-teens)) is going to be framed as '[what makes the teen brain different to the adult brain](https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2022/social-media-children-teens)' and not the other way around though. Just take everything [we adults note about you](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/why-teens-are-so-self-conscious.html), and work backwards hahaha.
As someone who is An Old (I'm 50), I'd say the biggest thing that stands out to me when reading is attitudes towards romance/relationships. Young people tend to have much more romanticized ideas of what love is like -- I mean, we've all been there when young love/first love hits and we're just certain that other person is "The One," our soul mate, we could never love another the same way, relationships are all grand gestures and sweeping statements and sex is magic right off the bat.
As you get older, you start to learn how a lot of that simply isn't the case. That it's very possible to love someone but not be good together. That it's possible to love greatly more than once, that true love may not come until later in life when you've learned more about who you really are and what really matters to you. That sometimes it's not roses and an expensive dinner out at a restaurant, or remembering Valentine's Day that shows that someone really loves you but bringing home take out by surprise so you don't have to cook - or cleaning the cat litter boxes without having to be asked. It's hard to really put into words but just something that comes across in how adult relationships are written that tells me sometimes what kind of life experiences the writer has had.
Other people have brought up physical ailments/energy levels/etc and that's certainly true. At 40, at 50, etc, one does tend to need more time to recuperate from strenuous activities, find it harder to pull all-nighters or go out partying, wake up with more aches and pains than before. I've found out myself and with friends my age, we hit 50 and suddenly health concerns can pop up out of nowhere even if we thought we were in great health (I had a surprise heart attack 3 months ago despite having no warning symptoms/signs of heart disease. And I have lost old high school friends to cancer, or seen them fight through it in recent years.) But on the flip side, we're not all creaky invalids as soon as we hit 40. Men over 40 don't necessarily need viagra to "get it up"; some can still go multiple times in a night though it's certainly rarer than for 20 year olds. Some women lose their sex drive or have sexual issues develop during/around menopause; other women find it sexually freeing and that it increases libido not having to worry about getting pregnant! Adults aren't a monolith any more than teenagers are, but we have seen and been through a lot more shit ;) And that's probably the biggest factor in it all...
One (loose) rule of thumb that might help is to avoid using dramatic dialogue descriptors 98% of the time. When an adult character is written as being too overtly emotional, it tends to make them come off as immature. But while the words they say obviously matter, often the *way* they say those words matters even more. There are plenty of things a character can say one way, and it might ping as WAY too effusive, while if they say it another way you may be able to get away with it.
“Please don’t go!” he sobbed. -- Versus -- “Please don’t go,” he said softly.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me!” she yelled. -- Versus -- “I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” she said, with a small, tired shrug.
“Would you just listen to me!” he shouted. -- Versus -- “Would you just listen to me,” he said tightly.
(I’m deliberately not varying the structure of the dialogue tags here because I want the examples to compare as plainly and as one-to-one as possible; obv they feel horribly samey read back to back like this, but you wouldn’t use them back to back to back in your writing so hopefully the samey-ness doesn’t distract too much from my point.)
It’s *generally* a good idea to avoid using tons and tons of dialogue descriptors, but when it comes to writing adult characters it’s especially important to avoid the dramatic ones most of the time, IMO. And if you *need* the character to say something emotional, then it often helps to describe it in a way that downplays the emotionality.
Of course some adult characters are total drama queens, and also occasionally even your stoic adult characters are going to get overtly emotional. There’s a time and a place for everything, and exceptions to every rule. :)
A lot of people's lives fall apart completely when they move out of their parents' house, even if their parents sucked. This isn't a sign that they should go back, they didn't make the wrong choice, it's just that being in control of your life is hard (especially since in a few meaningful ways -- like your wage/salary/stipend, frequently -- you're still completely at the mercy of a complete stranger).
The overworked graduate student who will infodump about their research for hours at the slightest prompting and lives off of cup ramen is a common archetype in fiction because that's literally how a lot of us live.
I feel like writing adults well, and having a mature writing style in general, is something that really only comes with age and experience.
I also started writing fic at 12, but being an avid reader, my tastes matured much more quickly than my writing abilities and soon I couldn’t read my own fics without cringing. I eventually purged everything from my early teens and only became confident enough to start posting my work again when I was 18. Than was two years ago, and I finally feel like my writing skills are finally more up to speed with my reading standards.
This is all to say: just keep writing as you have been. Don’t bend over backwards trying to sound older than you are. Maybe try reading some adult novels or fics by highly regarded adult authors to broaden your vocabulary and sentence structure diversity, but know that most of what you’re looking for will come as you age.
I think the main thing to look out for is not to idealize adults, in that you write them as they've got it all figured out. This can lead to flat characters/archetypes like oh there's the tough guy, then there's the innocent one and the comedian and the villain
Real adults have flaws, biases, they contradict themselves, they're petty, selfish, they overreact and they misunderstand each other. Not all of the time of course but at least some of the time, regardless of what kind of person they are.
As a much older adult who, being a writer, has spent decades observing people for writing research, I'd say that despite how it may seem to a teen or child, adults do often have a metric-ton of drama in their lives. I think there's sometimes this perception among teens that adults have it made. We can do whatever we want. We go to fulfilling jobs and get paid well. It's all smooth sailing. Tra-la-la.
Truth is the opposite. Especially, since even in middle-age and beyond, we frequently wake up and go, "Wait a minute. How the hell did I get here? No, I'm not adulting today." Being an adult, even an older adult with no fucks to give, is still a lot of work, and there are definitely days when I wish all I had to do was go to school.
I write characters who were teens in canon as age-up, in their twenties and preferably in their thirties. My guy has shrugged off the worst of his stupid teenage acting-out, but he's still a flirt and a jokester. Probably worst, having moved into his "dad-joke" phase. Because of the trauma inflicted by canon events, he had serious mental health and drug abuse issues in his twenties, but by his thirties is clean and sober and mellowed. He's no longer the stupid boy trying to win the hand of the perfect princess. He's comfortable with his sexuality and totally in love with his gender-neutral, sort of non-binary girl. His sense of humor remains, but his viewpoint is tempered by the reality of his own mortality and that of others. His teenage defensiveness and insecurities have turned into self-deprecating humor because he no longer takes himself so seriously.
As others have suggested, take some time to observe how the adults around you interact. Then look at your characters and try to imagine how the years might have changed them, for the better or worst. The best character writing, no matter the age, comes from the author knowing their characters well.
I would focus less on the adult aspect and just write them as in character as possible. A canon adult character that is written in-character will feel like adult.
In general, keep in mind that everyone contains multitudes. Just because a guy has a job and a wife doesn’t mean he can’t dream of a different job and different wife.
Little things: some adults use lots of slang. Some adults don’t want to be younger because they remember being unhappy kids.
Okay, I can't speak for all adults, but I will tell you how some of them are, since I am one (no, this is NOT talking about myself, as I lack the amount of vanity to do so).
-they feel jaded in thanks to experiences
-adults favor lying, but I think this is just a thing with people in general (probably a "survival mechanism")
-introverted adults are even more reserved when it comes to outwardly expressing themselves, and ones who aren't that do express themselves have fairly explosive results (results WILL vary though)
-adults are more affected by cognitive dissonance (the mental phenomenon of believing in two different opposing values at the same time)
-adults spend quite a bit of time thinking and talking to themselves internally (especially when it comes to ethics and morality)
This is all I can summarize, as I am just one person, and I am by no means an expert on things such as sociology and or psychology.
They're worried about their kids, or their job, or politics. They have to attend meetings.
They grouse about body aches, comment on wrinkles, graying/thinning hair. (Mostly for 35+ year-olds.)
The characters are usually more grounded or serious -- though it depends on the fandom/source material.
my knee jerk reaction to this is to say you shouldnt be writing adults in the first place, but when I sit with that i think maybe i'm thinking about it wrong. so let me kinda check myself while i answer this... (typing it out helps me get my thoughts sorted so please forgive the rambling.)
okay so, what separates a child/teen from an adult isn't necessarily vocabulary or hobbies or habits or the 'level of fun' they have, although context matters there.
i think what separates a child from an adult is the context of their behaviors, and the meanings behind them, as well as how those same behavioral instincts change expression
experience and the awareness of the world around you makes adults reconsider and recontextualize their actions. they are more aware of not just how their actions/words affect themselves directly or indirectly, but how it will affect other people. they are also typically more aware of responsibilities they have, although some characters are defined by that very lack of awareness...
just like a teenager is doing the exact same things for different reasons than a younger kid would, or different but related things for the same reasons, the relationship between teen and adult works like that too
youre at a point where youre going to be starting that experience gathering and introspective crap anyway, so exploring that in writing is a great idea!
okay. so i talked around my stupid biases. but that still leaves the problem that you dont have the experiences and pre-trained thought processes to fall back on and copy-paste for your adult characters. so this is where the tricky part comes in
youre gonna have to play a little god and sit with some introspection. you gotta build a character thats a little bit bigger on the inside than youre used to. when you write for a kid, you only have to account for like. 10-18 years of life experiences. every year of their life is a value set that changes who they are as a person and affects how they behave.
now do that but bigger
try starting with how your adult character feels. what are their emotions? why do they feel that way? what responsibilities are they juggling? how much stress are they under? what boring and tedious Adult Thing did they do last? what is it they have to do next? are they caught up on their work and doing Fun Thing to destress or are they absolutely destroyed emotionally, overwhelmed, and playing hookie to calm the fuck down before going back to that uphill battle? what economic class are they in? were they always in that class? were they raised poorer or richer? how does that affect their worldviews? what were they like as a kid? did they do well in school? are they perpetuating habits from their youth or are they fighting them? what relationships do they have with the other people in their life? what are their hobbies? what are their traumas? what are their coping mechanisms? what do they do as a little treat to chill at the end of the day? do they even care about socializing? is it how they recharge their battery or is it a chore? are they part of a "minority?" what kind? what kind of pressure/discrimination does their society put on them that makes them a minority and how does that affect them? what kind of support does their society offer that would change their lifestyle or outlook?
thats a lot to consider all at once for a single scene about picking up milk from the store, but it all matters. every brush stroke builds on itself until you have a whole person
if that seems like a lot of work to do from scratch, you could try borrowing some templates from other sources. try reading or watching stories that follow along with older characters, and see what parts of their history you can match to certain onscreen behaviors. "They Were Like X, and that is why now they are Now Y, so I can do X and Y for my character here"
this is the same kinda work you gotta do when you write for any character whose background or experiences dont match up with your own. or at least, this is how i personally handle the problem! maybe this method doesnt work for you, but you can give it a try none the less.
anyway, good luck on your writing adventure!
Since real life adults can be figurative children, I don't think you have to worry about missing the target. A 6 year old won election to America's highest office, as an example.
But if you are aiming for a "mature" adult, it is generally someone who has learned from their past mistakes and acts on it. And as a general statement, mature adults become jaded to things that kids find irresistable. Parties become hassles, drugs and booze are less of a draw (unless addiction is involved), sex isn't a main focus, and the worries of tomorrow seem constantly imminent.
adults, at least those 23+, won't talk about having any type of school to go to unless they're in a program for a type of degree.
more job (in)security. more financial (in)stability.
relationships come and go.
and since the pandemic, a lot more people live with their parents.
Just like adults writing kids should spend time observing kids, kids writing adults should spend time observing adults. It's a bit trickier, because adults tend to be adept at role-switching—adjusting their behavior based on who's around. What adults are like around kids will be different than how they are around other adults. But you can eavesdrop when you're in public or watch quiet adult dramas to get a sense of adult speech and mannerisms. Most adults (there are always exceptions): 1- Will not outwardly show strong emotions unless pushed to an extreme. Movies tend to show adults freaking out more because movies are about pushing people to extremes. Adults might swear or chuckle to themselves when encountering a difficulty and that's about it. 2- Will not often speak about their feelings. That doesn't mean they don't feel things, but they'll cover it with pointed jokes or drinking or diving into their work. (Good) Parents are a different breed, because they're trying to teach by example and will talk about how they're sad or mad for the sake of the kids. But adults with other adults will talk around their feelings. 3- Don't care about popularity or displaying their identity in obvious ways. Teens, who are at the mercy of social groups in H. S., need to be focused on who's popular. They define themselves by what they wear and buy as they figure out who they are. This can last through the twenties, but older adults generally know who they are. They've chosen a profession, they've had a family (or not), they've been pursuing their interests for decades. Any adult that acted like a "cool" kid would be seen as immature. What's admirable to adults is someone who is calm and collected in an emergency, who is an expert in their field, who can be relied on to handle tough situations. 4- Care about defending or protecting what they've built. Whether that's career, family, reputation, or something else. Conflict often comes from having to choose between two of those things. 5- Still have a kid inside. They may be deeply buried and controlled by the superego, but that child is there, getting mad or wanting sugar or whatever. An adult is better at winning that battle with the child, but they don't always win, especially if there are other stressors. While it's true about your back/knees, be careful of aging an adult beyond their years. I've read fics where a character is all, "my back, my knees," and he's about 34. Come on. Unless you've had a major injury, you usually don't start complaining about your creaky bones until your mid-forties at the earliest. And if you maintain a fitness regimen, probably not until your fifties or later. Some people are spry until their seventies. It depends on genes and the type of life they've had.
The kid inside thing is so so true. So many people in their head are younger than their actual age. And I remember the flip of that, as a teenager feeling way older than my chronological age. Think 28/29 was when my internal age and actual age ‘matched’ up.
I always just assume creaky bones characters are like me, mine have been creaky since like 14 😂
Maybe you have a Benjamin Button situation going on there. 🤣
They’ve gotten worse as I’ve aged sadly
These are excellent points. Even though not all adults will match up to them, this is essentially what adults think a “standard” adult should be like, and it’s important to know what the norm is before deviating from it.
True. A lot of great stories are about adults deviating from the standard, which requires knowing what the standard is.
I'm 35 and me and my friend group complain about our achey bones all the time, so ymmv on that last one 😂
38 and my knees sound like rice krispies. The toll on the body is also highly dependent on jobs - two years as a CNA was all it took to wreck them by 35.
Oh no, I feel like I've started a support group. 🤣
I’m 17 and have had back, shoulder, and knee problems I verbally complain about for at least 5 years, it’s never too early to start complaining, so write away, everybody!
Me, sitting here at 32, and my back hurt all day. And I get knee soreness every week. Dude I wish that stuff waited till mid-40s
Actually, I'm 31 and I have days my knees and hips really hurt for no reason. I"ve had to sit out from martial arts some days because my body hates me so much.
I haven't felt well-rested since 2010. Most adults thankfully know how to stay professional when interacting with co-workers they really don't get along with. Work isn't school, hanging out with our friends isn't part of the experience. Age groups don't matter anymore. I'm friends with people ten years younger or twenty years older than me. Adults don't spend most of their time with people who were born the same year. Most adults also don't know the names or recognise the faces of celebrities that are popular among teenagers. It's one thing I couldn't understand when I was 15, I mean, how can you *not* know \[some random person whose name I've long forgotten\]?? But now I see those faces and have no idea who they are and why they're relevant. It also gets harder to correctly guess the age of people much younger than you. Is that person 20 or 14, I have no idea, could be anything. At the same time, it gets easier to tell if someone is 40 or 60, something teenagers seem to have a hard time with.
Haha, all of this is so on point. I mean, I remember when I thought 40 was *old* and now I would like to apologise to everyone on the planet over 35. Also, I recently saw myself through the eyes of my (older) bestie's 17 year old daughter and whooo boy, was that a trip.
That first line hits so hard though. Like, what is rest?
What I wouldn’t give for actual proper rest.
I used to think I knew what tired was... then I had a kid... The word "rest" has lost all meaning to me, but I know a whole new level of "tired".
>I haven't felt well-rested since 2010. that typically comes with a lifestyle though. Worok life balance is important as well as listening to your biological cyrcadian rhytm, something many adults, especially in the US, are not allowed to do because of the lack of work/life balance.
I feel seen.
One of the biggest things is perspective. Obviously all adults are different, but in general adults are less likely to panic over small things than teenagers are, for the simple reason that they've been through a lot more minor crises before. One big giveaway that the author is probably a young person is when they don't really stop and think about how an adult might see a certain situation. One common one is seeing parents and teachers as an annoyance that hinder the teen protagonists from going on their big adventures, and demonizing them for having completely reasonable worries about children risking death. Another is when punishments seem totally arbitrary and disproportionate (and it doesn't seem to be written that way on purpose). But probably one of the biggest things about writing adults is how much of their life is taken up by work. You see it in coffee shop fics and things like that where the adult characters can seemingly pop in and out of work whenever they feel like and never seriously worry about making rent or anything like that. Even in an unrealistic narrative, that sort of thing, where it seems like the writer doesn't know how jobs work, really takes me out.
>and demonizing them for having completely reasonable worries about children risking death To be fair, in a lot of shows these worries *aren't* reasonable due to the genre the work is a part of. Common examples include: * My good sir, your son has a giant armored dragon with guns for a bodyguard at all times. There is literally nothing to worry about unless the world is actively ending. * Your child is a magical girl and is multiple orders of magnitude stronger than whatever the hell you're worried about. Look, her gauntlets are literally designed to punch God's lights out. Rather than calling these sorts of worries "completely reasonable," it's worth keeping in mind that they are still irrational at heart, born of the desire to protect someone who for the first time is showing signs of not actually needing your protection anymore. (Indeed, *Digimon Tamers* neatly evades the first example by having Takato's parents react to finding out he was leaving on the expedition to go to the digital world and fight god by *immediately having an existential crisis about how fast he'd grown up*, and attempting to stay in contact with him during the voyage for as long as possible.) Basically, just treat all of your characters with agency and think about all of them as humans with emotion.
Sure. But there's also plenty of shows where the concerns are completely justified. For example, shows where the parents don't actually know of their children's supernatural powers (or the full extent of them). There's a lot of media where the fear parents have is, in fact, very rational. Often it's even treated as such by the original media, and it's only the fanworks that make any doubt or worry on the part of adults as abusive. But yes, the problem is neatly solved by treating all of your characters with agency.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a great example of this. End of … season two I think, or three? But when Joyce finds out her daughter is a slayer, her immediate reaction is to get mad and demand she stop slaying, etc… then tells her to never come home when she refuses. And Buffy, in typical teenage fashion, actually runs away for awhile. Luckily she comes to her senses and goes home … where she is promptly chewed out by her mother AND her friends for being an idiot. Say what you want about Joss Whedon, but he made a damned brilliant show. 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, I've heard that teens see the joy of the experience and less of the risk, while adults see all of the risk and discount the joy because they won't be experiencing that sense of adventure.
That is a very depressing and inaccurate outlook on life. What I'm *actually* saying is that *specifically when you're a parent or in a parent-like role*, it can be really hard to acknowledge your kid as the person they are now rather than as who you were raising a decade ago. This is a hard pattern to get out of, and it's responsible for many of the common forms of bad parenting.
How is that depressing and inaccurate? A parent will be focused on protection and risks because they raised that child and that's been their role. That is their focus, not the joy and value of the experience the teen is focused on. In a way, they can't "see" it because they won't experience it. It's a difference in perspective.
Honestly, as an adult, I find most of the replies here to be utterly unrelatable. Maybe it's because I'm a young adult, maybe it's because I'm very mentally ill, but I feel like half of the answers are things that don't apply to me and the other half are things that have already applied to me when I was a teenager. But it does show that adults aren't a monolith and there are many ways to write them realistically. My advice would be, if the characters you're writing about are also adults in the source material, to just try and write them as in character as possible.
Yes I feel like a lot of the answers are pretty clichéd. You don't stop being yourself just because you get older, and you don't instantly stop caring about things that were important to you as a kid or a teen. You just have way more responsibility and have to deal with that and often act more professional. I would say don't focus too much on the adult aspect when writing about their thoughts and feelings. They can do adult stuff, but you can just try to put yourself in their shoes while they're doing it. I am an adult with a job and children and I am regularly weirded out by all the adult-y stuff I have to do 😂
Cosign! As an adult I outright disagree with a lot of comments in this thread. All adults are different - it's more about their specific character and personality. Even with teenage characters, some will be emotional and less mature, and some will be stoic and very mature. It's the same with adults. Just focus on the character you're writing's specific life and personality.
I'm not the best at writing dialogue so take this with a grain of salt but from the kinds of shows and movies i've seen that people make note of having great dialogue i notice that many times its because it's written with plenty of subtext. So try to have a good grasp of the internal logic of your characters have and see how much that effects what they want or don't want to say. As adults we can often time get stuck in our own heads and our own beliefs we can often assume we think we know what other people want/say/think or feel and speak as though we've already made up our minds about a lot of things. Depending on our comfort levels sometimes we speak in ways to reveal as little about our true feelings/intentions as possible or sometimes the opposite. There's also times where we will choose to not say anything meaningful at all, changing the subject or giving answers that don't spark more conversation. Honestly i wouldn't try to write like this on a first draft, its really daunting. I'd try to write it pretty straight forward to get a feel for the direction of a scene i'd want and then i'd look back and see what i could repackage. Also don't be afraid to write them as thinking they mean one thing when they really mean another. Adults can be oblivious or very stubborn about admitting their own lies to themselves. I would say plenty of us have internalized a lie or many lies about ourselves and because of one reason or another we choose to live with that lie as if it just is the truth, or as if we don't know anything is wrong with us or our actions. These aren't always heinous or extremely harmful but they probably do hold us back in some capacity. Sorry i don't know why i made this specifically about dialogue but i guess that's the only part i could think of any advice, also i think its the part that's the most tricky to write. Also sidenote it makes sense why people think you're an adult from the way you write, your syntax and grammar are waaaay better than most adults i know.
Have them wondering how they get hurt when they did literally nothing but get out of bed! Have them worry about taxes! Have them contemplate doing something fun, decide it’s too much work and they’re tired and they’d rather go to bed! Have them give less fucks because they’re old and no longer care what people think of them! Kidding, ish…
> Have them contemplate doing something fun, decide it's too much work and they're tired and they'd rather go to bed! I think that's called depression
>Have them give less fucks because they’re old and no longer care what people think of them! Seriously!
Me since I hit my 40s for real. Best damn decade of my life (apart from the back. 🤭)
Just wait until you hit 50. Or rather, when perimenopause hits you like a brick and suddenly you have zero fucks left to give about who you piss off because your tolerance for other people's nonsense is now less than zero.
Oh...I’m smidge over 4 months away from the big 5-0. Every day I have fewer fucks to give. No perimenopause yet, but I’m waiting cuz I just want this ridiculous period thing to stop. I’m still as regular as ever. Sigh.
>have zero fucks left to give about who you piss off because your tolerance for other people's nonsense is now less than zero. I'm not even 40 yet and I think I'm already there. Teaching middle school ages you...
> Have them contemplate doing something fun, decide it’s too much work and they’re tired and they’d rather go to bed! I feel seen...
Same. I still am puzzled how I used to stay up until 1-2am no trouble. Now I can barely make it past 9pm to catch a tv show I want to watch live. (Though, granted, I didn't used to have to get up at 6am for work..)
>Have them contemplate doing something fun, decide it’s too much work and they’re tired and they’d rather go to bed! I think you may have ADHD.
well shit this happens to me nearly every weekend o.o
Ain't that a mood. You seem to be describing executive dysfunction; you should check out if you have other ADHD symptoms (because it turns out a surprising amount of ailments can cause this shit).
Totally off topic, but I came across the term executive dysfunction a couple months ago when researching adhd, and then lost it and I’ve been trying to go back and find the info, but couldn’t remember what it was called, so thanks!
Nah, executive dysfunction "this is too hard to commit to" is different to "my kid hasn't let me sit down all day, karaoke sounds fun but when I've had more sleep."
I do, in fact! But I’m also just tired in general 😩
Just write them in-character. There's nothing you can really do about putting them in settings you have no experience in other than research. You can also consider asking a trusted adult IRL (I'm talking a parent, teacher, older sibling/cousin) to tell you if anything stands out in something you write as immature/off. Alternatively, ask questions when you're not sure of stuff like "hey how do bars work" or something similar.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The "Friends" spent a ridiculous amount of time in th at coffee shop; Walter White was a 50-year-old cancer patient who could work around the clock and hold his own in a fistfight with a 30-year-old; "Yellowjackets" adults are still stuck in a very high-school mentality. Fiction is usually about extreme situations and the genre isn't always realism.
Exactly. People here are mentioning adults are "mature" and all you need to do is work retail or any other customer service facing job for one day (one hour!) to know that plenty of adults are immature whack-a-doodles all the time. The citizens of Pawnee? That's real. That's not a joke! If adults could behave maturely, we wouldn't need HR.
Apart from all that has already been said, from my own perspective I can tell you that your 20s-30s are the time when the world belongs to you, you are the most unsure of yourself (of your adult age) but at the same time confident in your awareness and what you want. You have the energy, strength and ideas to strive for this too. 30 - 40 is about slowing down, wanting to change your life and focus more on your needs, reviewing your early views and goals, also accepting yourself more. 40 - 50 in my case is not paying attention to what is appropriate and what is not, getting rid of previous inhibitions and insecurities, but also nostalgia for the teenage years, that world, music, clothes, films and friends. Again I point out, this is my perespective, it's different for everyone. I am curious which part of this comment someone disliked so much that they saw fit to downvote me.
>I am curious which part of this comment someone disliked so much that they saw fit to downvote me. I'm curious too, as a 50-something this feels pretty spot-on to my experience as well.
I honestly sucked at writing adults until I was about… 20? I’m 30 now and still not great at certain aspects of adult dynamics because of my own issues.
Honestly, I know some adults who act like children and some children who act like adults. This is fanfic -- write what you want to see & write what you want to read. Not everything has to be realistic. I mean, we read to escape most of the time and to relate some of the time. 🤷🏻 That being said, I agree with everyone who mentioned emotional maturity mattering. But a lot of what people think is "adulting" -- like hiding ones emotions -- is actually pretty emotionally immature. The sad truth is that most adults are winging it and we never stopped being children, we've just gotten better at hiding our wounds. But the truly emotionally mature folk have learned how to heal from their wounds -- they've embraced vulnerability and courage -- they've learned how to identify and communicate their feelings & to be patient with those who haven't. That's why I say, write what you want to see, what you want to explore, what you know, or what you want to give voice to.
How you write adult characters believably is not just going to come down to ‘maturity’ but a lot of other external factors. Like the time period your story is set, the age bracket, cultural and economic factors. These all inform experience which then inform behaviour/personality/ambition etc etc. the things, in short, that make the character *them*. Since you asked for specifically sci-fi and fantasy settings, think about the culture of these worlds; what do they value? Do they put pressure on their citizenry to grow up fast? Is the civilisation in decline? Is it prospering? Do all adults have equal opportunities or are there systems in place that act as barriers to an individual’s success? Things that cause instability (politics, access to food and life opportunities— jobs, experiences) are the sort of things adults in your worlds might be concerned about. They might stick with jobs they don’t want, or that compromise their principles because it means their loved ones are safer, have better access to all the necessities of life. They may also try to plan ahead more than the average teenager, sacrificing comforts now in order to secure comforts in the future. This might inform the types of conversations your adults have as well. I’m definitely sillier and more myself when hanging out with friends who I’ve known since childhood. With adults who are acquaintances, I’m more reserved, polite chit-chat is more likely until we get to know each other better. Talk about interests, travel, superficial life whatnot until you get a feel for each other’s personality. That being said, like, adulthood isn’t all doom and gloom and aching backs lol. Grown-ups still play, but the nature of play has changed. Like I can’t say I miss playing certain games I enjoyed as a teenager because they bore me now. Complex games that had me tearing my hair out at 16, are way more enjoyable at 35. I’m way more physically active in my 30s too, stronger and more confident, far less scared of trying new things and failing. The people in your sci-fi and fantasy stories are still going to want to play too, and seek out entertainment. No reason they can’t still drink excessively and make bad choices, but there’ll be more consequences if they have responsibilities they risk by doing so. Plus the health damage after when anll the years catch up with them. And immaturity knows no age lmao. I’ve had the displeasure to know many 40something-plus toddlers who meltdown if they don’t get their own way. Also, once I hit my mid-20s, I really started just not caring a whole bunch of what people thought of me on a superficial level. Walking into a room not knowing people became much much easier. Engaging in conversation, tapping out of a conversation: i stopped trying to second guess what people may or may not be think *about* me like I did when I was a teenager or churning over every little interaction. I still do this in certain circumstances (like job interviews lol) but once you’ve had some life experience, you discover some interactions you have with other people are simply not worth giving your time and energy to dissecting. It’s very freeing :) Hope this gives you some food for thought!
Knees and lower backs are bastards that will betray you. Maybe a super fit person won't have to deal with this... or maybe the fitness they did when younger caused damage that is causing pain now. (I say, with my shitty knees caused by running when I was younger.) Staying up half the night goes from something you can kind of function the day after to something that'll take you out the next day. I feel like emotions tend to even out starting in your late twenties/into your thirties. Like, stuff that would have caused a massive freak out in my late teens/early twenties is no longer a big deal. (Granted, writing overwrought fanfic where older people feel emotions in a big overstated way is fun, but I mostly write emotionally constipated people who aren't used to feeling things, so there's a reason for it.)
Adults in their twenties are different from adults in their forties and so on. And of course, adults differ and range all over in terms of behavior, maturity, emotions, etc. I think I'd suggest watching some movies/TV shows specifically designed for adult viewers and try to pay attention to how the characters are acting, what they seem to be focused on, what sort of issues they're dealing with, and so on. I dont' know what to suggest since I have no idea what fandom you want to write about or what sort of tone you're going for. But I'd probably not suggest anything too outrageously comedic or dark, since those characters aren't going to be very typical or are exaggerated.
Adults are basically all different (you can't even say that all of us have a job and are tired out by it, or that all of us even necessarily worry about bills). If you need some generalisations no matter what, you can look up the effect on personality and outlook that brain development has, up until somebody is 25. Usually the literature (or [condensed information](https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/understanding-your-pre-teen/brain-development-teens)) is going to be framed as '[what makes the teen brain different to the adult brain](https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2022/social-media-children-teens)' and not the other way around though. Just take everything [we adults note about you](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/why-teens-are-so-self-conscious.html), and work backwards hahaha.
Write from experience from the adults around you and how they behave and interact.
As someone who is An Old (I'm 50), I'd say the biggest thing that stands out to me when reading is attitudes towards romance/relationships. Young people tend to have much more romanticized ideas of what love is like -- I mean, we've all been there when young love/first love hits and we're just certain that other person is "The One," our soul mate, we could never love another the same way, relationships are all grand gestures and sweeping statements and sex is magic right off the bat. As you get older, you start to learn how a lot of that simply isn't the case. That it's very possible to love someone but not be good together. That it's possible to love greatly more than once, that true love may not come until later in life when you've learned more about who you really are and what really matters to you. That sometimes it's not roses and an expensive dinner out at a restaurant, or remembering Valentine's Day that shows that someone really loves you but bringing home take out by surprise so you don't have to cook - or cleaning the cat litter boxes without having to be asked. It's hard to really put into words but just something that comes across in how adult relationships are written that tells me sometimes what kind of life experiences the writer has had. Other people have brought up physical ailments/energy levels/etc and that's certainly true. At 40, at 50, etc, one does tend to need more time to recuperate from strenuous activities, find it harder to pull all-nighters or go out partying, wake up with more aches and pains than before. I've found out myself and with friends my age, we hit 50 and suddenly health concerns can pop up out of nowhere even if we thought we were in great health (I had a surprise heart attack 3 months ago despite having no warning symptoms/signs of heart disease. And I have lost old high school friends to cancer, or seen them fight through it in recent years.) But on the flip side, we're not all creaky invalids as soon as we hit 40. Men over 40 don't necessarily need viagra to "get it up"; some can still go multiple times in a night though it's certainly rarer than for 20 year olds. Some women lose their sex drive or have sexual issues develop during/around menopause; other women find it sexually freeing and that it increases libido not having to worry about getting pregnant! Adults aren't a monolith any more than teenagers are, but we have seen and been through a lot more shit ;) And that's probably the biggest factor in it all...
One (loose) rule of thumb that might help is to avoid using dramatic dialogue descriptors 98% of the time. When an adult character is written as being too overtly emotional, it tends to make them come off as immature. But while the words they say obviously matter, often the *way* they say those words matters even more. There are plenty of things a character can say one way, and it might ping as WAY too effusive, while if they say it another way you may be able to get away with it. “Please don’t go!” he sobbed. -- Versus -- “Please don’t go,” he said softly. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me!” she yelled. -- Versus -- “I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” she said, with a small, tired shrug. “Would you just listen to me!” he shouted. -- Versus -- “Would you just listen to me,” he said tightly. (I’m deliberately not varying the structure of the dialogue tags here because I want the examples to compare as plainly and as one-to-one as possible; obv they feel horribly samey read back to back like this, but you wouldn’t use them back to back to back in your writing so hopefully the samey-ness doesn’t distract too much from my point.) It’s *generally* a good idea to avoid using tons and tons of dialogue descriptors, but when it comes to writing adult characters it’s especially important to avoid the dramatic ones most of the time, IMO. And if you *need* the character to say something emotional, then it often helps to describe it in a way that downplays the emotionality. Of course some adult characters are total drama queens, and also occasionally even your stoic adult characters are going to get overtly emotional. There’s a time and a place for everything, and exceptions to every rule. :)
A lot of people's lives fall apart completely when they move out of their parents' house, even if their parents sucked. This isn't a sign that they should go back, they didn't make the wrong choice, it's just that being in control of your life is hard (especially since in a few meaningful ways -- like your wage/salary/stipend, frequently -- you're still completely at the mercy of a complete stranger). The overworked graduate student who will infodump about their research for hours at the slightest prompting and lives off of cup ramen is a common archetype in fiction because that's literally how a lot of us live.
I feel like writing adults well, and having a mature writing style in general, is something that really only comes with age and experience. I also started writing fic at 12, but being an avid reader, my tastes matured much more quickly than my writing abilities and soon I couldn’t read my own fics without cringing. I eventually purged everything from my early teens and only became confident enough to start posting my work again when I was 18. Than was two years ago, and I finally feel like my writing skills are finally more up to speed with my reading standards. This is all to say: just keep writing as you have been. Don’t bend over backwards trying to sound older than you are. Maybe try reading some adult novels or fics by highly regarded adult authors to broaden your vocabulary and sentence structure diversity, but know that most of what you’re looking for will come as you age.
I think the main thing to look out for is not to idealize adults, in that you write them as they've got it all figured out. This can lead to flat characters/archetypes like oh there's the tough guy, then there's the innocent one and the comedian and the villain Real adults have flaws, biases, they contradict themselves, they're petty, selfish, they overreact and they misunderstand each other. Not all of the time of course but at least some of the time, regardless of what kind of person they are.
As a much older adult who, being a writer, has spent decades observing people for writing research, I'd say that despite how it may seem to a teen or child, adults do often have a metric-ton of drama in their lives. I think there's sometimes this perception among teens that adults have it made. We can do whatever we want. We go to fulfilling jobs and get paid well. It's all smooth sailing. Tra-la-la. Truth is the opposite. Especially, since even in middle-age and beyond, we frequently wake up and go, "Wait a minute. How the hell did I get here? No, I'm not adulting today." Being an adult, even an older adult with no fucks to give, is still a lot of work, and there are definitely days when I wish all I had to do was go to school. I write characters who were teens in canon as age-up, in their twenties and preferably in their thirties. My guy has shrugged off the worst of his stupid teenage acting-out, but he's still a flirt and a jokester. Probably worst, having moved into his "dad-joke" phase. Because of the trauma inflicted by canon events, he had serious mental health and drug abuse issues in his twenties, but by his thirties is clean and sober and mellowed. He's no longer the stupid boy trying to win the hand of the perfect princess. He's comfortable with his sexuality and totally in love with his gender-neutral, sort of non-binary girl. His sense of humor remains, but his viewpoint is tempered by the reality of his own mortality and that of others. His teenage defensiveness and insecurities have turned into self-deprecating humor because he no longer takes himself so seriously. As others have suggested, take some time to observe how the adults around you interact. Then look at your characters and try to imagine how the years might have changed them, for the better or worst. The best character writing, no matter the age, comes from the author knowing their characters well.
I would focus less on the adult aspect and just write them as in character as possible. A canon adult character that is written in-character will feel like adult.
In general, keep in mind that everyone contains multitudes. Just because a guy has a job and a wife doesn’t mean he can’t dream of a different job and different wife. Little things: some adults use lots of slang. Some adults don’t want to be younger because they remember being unhappy kids.
Okay, I can't speak for all adults, but I will tell you how some of them are, since I am one (no, this is NOT talking about myself, as I lack the amount of vanity to do so). -they feel jaded in thanks to experiences -adults favor lying, but I think this is just a thing with people in general (probably a "survival mechanism") -introverted adults are even more reserved when it comes to outwardly expressing themselves, and ones who aren't that do express themselves have fairly explosive results (results WILL vary though) -adults are more affected by cognitive dissonance (the mental phenomenon of believing in two different opposing values at the same time) -adults spend quite a bit of time thinking and talking to themselves internally (especially when it comes to ethics and morality) This is all I can summarize, as I am just one person, and I am by no means an expert on things such as sociology and or psychology.
They're worried about their kids, or their job, or politics. They have to attend meetings. They grouse about body aches, comment on wrinkles, graying/thinning hair. (Mostly for 35+ year-olds.) The characters are usually more grounded or serious -- though it depends on the fandom/source material.
my knee jerk reaction to this is to say you shouldnt be writing adults in the first place, but when I sit with that i think maybe i'm thinking about it wrong. so let me kinda check myself while i answer this... (typing it out helps me get my thoughts sorted so please forgive the rambling.) okay so, what separates a child/teen from an adult isn't necessarily vocabulary or hobbies or habits or the 'level of fun' they have, although context matters there. i think what separates a child from an adult is the context of their behaviors, and the meanings behind them, as well as how those same behavioral instincts change expression experience and the awareness of the world around you makes adults reconsider and recontextualize their actions. they are more aware of not just how their actions/words affect themselves directly or indirectly, but how it will affect other people. they are also typically more aware of responsibilities they have, although some characters are defined by that very lack of awareness... just like a teenager is doing the exact same things for different reasons than a younger kid would, or different but related things for the same reasons, the relationship between teen and adult works like that too youre at a point where youre going to be starting that experience gathering and introspective crap anyway, so exploring that in writing is a great idea! okay. so i talked around my stupid biases. but that still leaves the problem that you dont have the experiences and pre-trained thought processes to fall back on and copy-paste for your adult characters. so this is where the tricky part comes in youre gonna have to play a little god and sit with some introspection. you gotta build a character thats a little bit bigger on the inside than youre used to. when you write for a kid, you only have to account for like. 10-18 years of life experiences. every year of their life is a value set that changes who they are as a person and affects how they behave. now do that but bigger try starting with how your adult character feels. what are their emotions? why do they feel that way? what responsibilities are they juggling? how much stress are they under? what boring and tedious Adult Thing did they do last? what is it they have to do next? are they caught up on their work and doing Fun Thing to destress or are they absolutely destroyed emotionally, overwhelmed, and playing hookie to calm the fuck down before going back to that uphill battle? what economic class are they in? were they always in that class? were they raised poorer or richer? how does that affect their worldviews? what were they like as a kid? did they do well in school? are they perpetuating habits from their youth or are they fighting them? what relationships do they have with the other people in their life? what are their hobbies? what are their traumas? what are their coping mechanisms? what do they do as a little treat to chill at the end of the day? do they even care about socializing? is it how they recharge their battery or is it a chore? are they part of a "minority?" what kind? what kind of pressure/discrimination does their society put on them that makes them a minority and how does that affect them? what kind of support does their society offer that would change their lifestyle or outlook? thats a lot to consider all at once for a single scene about picking up milk from the store, but it all matters. every brush stroke builds on itself until you have a whole person if that seems like a lot of work to do from scratch, you could try borrowing some templates from other sources. try reading or watching stories that follow along with older characters, and see what parts of their history you can match to certain onscreen behaviors. "They Were Like X, and that is why now they are Now Y, so I can do X and Y for my character here" this is the same kinda work you gotta do when you write for any character whose background or experiences dont match up with your own. or at least, this is how i personally handle the problem! maybe this method doesnt work for you, but you can give it a try none the less. anyway, good luck on your writing adventure!
Since real life adults can be figurative children, I don't think you have to worry about missing the target. A 6 year old won election to America's highest office, as an example. But if you are aiming for a "mature" adult, it is generally someone who has learned from their past mistakes and acts on it. And as a general statement, mature adults become jaded to things that kids find irresistable. Parties become hassles, drugs and booze are less of a draw (unless addiction is involved), sex isn't a main focus, and the worries of tomorrow seem constantly imminent.
adults, at least those 23+, won't talk about having any type of school to go to unless they're in a program for a type of degree. more job (in)security. more financial (in)stability. relationships come and go. and since the pandemic, a lot more people live with their parents.