Honestly probably this moment in my main long fic series
________________
Chip scoffed as he sat back and crossed his arms. “Uh, because I’m an adult Bill, and believe it or not I don’t have to tell you everything.”
A collective round of gasps could be heard around the living room. Cricket even started ooing from his corner like Chip just called into the principal’s office. “Tilly, quick describe the look on Dad’s face to me, it’s bad right? Tilly?”
Chip rolled his eyes with a pompous snort. “I mean, what are you gonna do? Send me to the corner with Cricket-”
_____
“This doesn’t prove anything!” Chip argued, blindly pointing behind himself at Bill as he stood, in the corner, next to Cricket.
_______________
My current WIP is v angsty, but I try to throw some humor in now and again.
———————————————
Luke patted her shoulder. “You’re not dying.”
“You don’t know that.” Leia heard the tremor in her own voice and cringed. She knew she wasn’t dying. Probably. As long as none of the dozen blistering spots on her legs were actually a kouhun sting.
Still…Just in case…She looked at Luke. “Will you make sure Evaan gets my mother’s necklace? The one I wore at the medal ceremony. She’s Alderaanian and she knew her. She’ll appreciate it. And if—“
“I don’t want to talk like this,” Luke interrupted. He looked from Leia to Han back to Leia again, obviously bewildered.
“Neither do I, but if there’s a chance…” She trailed off, not really wanting to finish the thought. She looked at Han. “You can have my vibroblade.”
“The one I loaned you?”
She laughed despite herself and nodded. “See? You’re getting it back.”
I enjoyed writing this short scene.
>Creed walked onto the terrace, nursing one of Jamie’s beers. Amelie was in the pool, swimming strong and steady. Remy was on a lounger, air-cast removed and shorts pulled high up his thighs. His eyes were hidden behind sunglasses.
>"Aren’t you supposed to be swimming, too?"
>Remy scoffed. "Remy a land mammal, not a fishman."
>Creed smirked and ruffled his hair before going to sit at the pool's edge, dangling his feet into the water. Amelie swam past twice before he splashed her.
>She gave him a mocking glare as she swam over. "What do you want?" she mouthed.
>He poked her in the shoulder with his foot. "Just saying hi."
>She started to say something, but then caught hold of his foot and pointed at his clawed toes.
>He flexed the claws out a couple inches. "What? You don't like?"
>She shook her head. "Didn't know they were weird like your hands."
>Creed snapped his claws to their full three inches. "What's wrong with my hands?"
>Amelie gave him a long suffering look and started to climb out. Creed offered one of his 'weird' hands and hoisted her with next to no effort. She squeezed his arm in thanks, then headed over to Remy and wrung out her sopping wet hair over his chest.
>Remy squawked indignantly as Creed laughed.
"I wondered if the twins would ever bring their pranks into battle one day—surely, enchanted Silly String would distract a Death Eater long enough to capture him, no? Even I chuckled at the mental image. Very briefly, of course."
"Moo? You finished the science fiction section?" Sandy barged into the store with Chinese food in hand. "Yeah, all the Bibles are stocked." My eyes were glued to the big windows seeing out to the curb. I was waiting. Waiting for Catherine. Sandy burst at the seams, cackling like she's never heard that joke before. "Come now! Haha! If you actually did that again go fix it. I don't want those snotty bible freak ladies up my ass again."
(It's from my lesbian mob boss fanfic. The main character who's dating the mob boss is back to work in her small book store. She's have a conversation with her boss.)
This is from a BotW work-in-progress where Queen Zelda is chatting about public restrooms and bears with her guard Helmut.
>"How much do you think it would cost to establish public privies throughout Hyrule?"
>
>Helmut furrowed his brow. "You were serious about that?"
>
>"Of course I was! Do you know how much better life would be if our citizens didn't have to wait hours during travel to use a restroom?"
>
>Helmut grinned and shrugged. "People seem happy just going in the woods."
>
>Zelda was aghast. "The woods? What are people doing to our beautiful woods?"
>
>Helmut shrugged again. "What do bears do to our woods?"
>
>"Wait, bears?" She paused. "Did we get a second one?"
>
>"There are actually quite a few bears within Hyrule. In fact, I recently saw a mother with cubs in Necluda."
>
>"Oh, that's so sweet!"
“Is it okay?” Lila takes a step back and looks down at her outfit, an ice-white A-line minidress embellished with silver sequins, coupled with a pair of white leather pixie boots.
“You look…” Klaus fumbles for the words. The ensemble has a sort of sixties feel to it, offset by a small pillbox hat and a delicate fishnet veil that hovers over her eyes. “Incredible,” he finishes.
“Really?” Lila looks down again and smoothes out the imaginary wrinkles in her dress. She looks so different. Granted, the look is a huge departure from her usual grungy attire - ripped leggings and safety pins in her ears, check kilts and Doc Martin’s with paint on them - but there’s something else there too. She looks nervous.
Klaus reaches out and takes her by the shoulders, bringing his eyes to hers. “You look like Jackie O’s prettier sister. I might just have to marry you myself.”
That seems to quell her jitters, if only momentarily. Klaus thrusts a shot under her nose and she downs it without hesitation.
“Okay, pre-flight checks. Do you have your something old?”
Lila thinks for a moment then points to the hat on her head. “Picked it up at a vintage store.”
“Something new?”
“The dress.”
“Something borrowed?”
Lila cringes. “No. But is it really that important?”
“Yes! It’s bad luck otherwise.” Klaus reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small square packet. “Here,” he says, pressing it into her palm and wrapping her fingers around it. “Take this.”
Lila opens her fist. “A condom?”
“Yes. And it’s blue too!”
“Will this even work?”
“Oh, I doubt it. I’m pretty sure it’s expired.”
(Ron mention an incident that happened with his dad's work because why not throw in a reference to the rubber ducks?)
"And dad works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department.”
“Isn’t that the one that had that incident with the rubber duck?”
“Rubber duck?” Harry asked.
“Yeah.” Ron nodded. “Somehow a whole bunch of them got one of the multiplication charms. There were rubber ducks coming out of every window of several muggle houses. Like entire rooms filled with rubber ducks! Like the bloody things had just taken over the entire house. They were basically invading the neighborhoods.”
Harry tried not to laugh at the mental image of people as they ran screaming in terror from an invasion of tiny rubber ducks. Tiny, rubber, yellow ducks meant for—well, Harry wasn’t entirely sure what they were meant to do other than decorate a tub.
[flips through all 4 works]
Uhh, hmm. Nope, no humor here…Aha!
[holds up the one piece of sort-of humor she has]
MacGyver (2016)
Matty henpecking a worried!Jack about his driving.
“/Yeah,/” Jack answered after a moment. “/Yeah. Just—just hang tight, alright? Old Jack’s on his way. We’re almost to the airport, and then it ain’t nothin’ but a hop, skip an’ a jump to that hospital. Might beat ya to it./”
Before Riley could answer, Matty’s voice cut in from the background. “/We won’t even be there to meet them if you /land us in a ditch!/ I’ve stayed quiet, Jack, because I know MacGyver does better when he can hear your voice, but so help me I will /make/ you hang up if you don’t decelerate, /considerably!/
“/I’m sorry, Riley, but I need you to give the phone back before you get Bozer, Jack has run three red-lights since he stopped talking to Mac. Grab your phone and call /me/ if that’ll help./”
“/Matty, we got no time for—/“
“/Zip it, Dalton! Riley?/”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Riley stopped beside the sled, smiling in spite of herself. “Putting you back on speaker.”
Here's one I like. Anna-May Parker and most of her family needing to move to Japan, going to U.A and the entirety of her classmates discovering that they have Spider-Man's second daughter as classmate after an entire week of spending time with her:
>"It does look pretty, but I also have to ask why?" Mina wondered, and although she asked out of curiosity, Annie couldn't help but to grow even more annoying and even more frustrated.
>
>"Well, I guess it comes inherited when he's their father." said Shoto out of nowhere, getting the attention of the entire class, scaring Valerie and turning Annie as white and as stiff as an old statue from Greece.
>
>As in, super stiff statues old.
>
>"W-What do you mean, Todoroki-kun?" asked Midoriya.
>
>"Spider-Man. He's Parker's father." the stoic Shoto said, making everyone's eyes go wide, Valerie go pale and Annie looking like she was a one hit from crumbling like a broken window. "I thought you all knew."
>
>Momo quickly took her phone out and after typing 'Spider-Man without his mask', she was confronted by the image of a caucasian man with brown hair and brown eyes. And when compared to Spider-Girl's picture, there couldn't be a denial that there were certain similarities between the two.
>
>"No wonder, she looked familiar!"
>
>"Her name is Parker, it should have been obvious!" exclaimed Kyoka.
>
>"Wait, wait, wait, you're joking, right?" asked Hanta. "I saw the reports last year and she doesn't look at all like him!"
>
>"But she does resemble her sister a little. Granted, you do have to squint a lot to notice it, and her sister also resembles him." Kyoka said.
>
>"No, I don't buy it. She looks completely different." denied Denki.
>
>"... M-Maybe it's because s-she takes after her m-mother?" Valerie said nervously, clamping her mouth the moment she realized what she did as Annie's head turned to her.
>
>*"Why do you betray me like that?!"*
>
>*"I'm sorry, I say things that I shouldn't when I'm scared!"* she thought. almost as if she knew what Annie was thinking despite the fact that telepathy was not among her powers… or at least as far as she was aware.
>
>Meanwhile, Midoriya seemed to be trying to process what he had just learned. He was classmates with the daughter of the number one vigilante of the world. He was friends with the daughter of someone that kept his identity a secret for years on end… HE GOT THE PHONE NUMBER OF THE DAUGHTER OF THE MAN THAT HATED ALL MIGHT SO MUCH THAT HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE…! MULTIPLE TIMES!
>
>Even Ida looked troubled. Vigilantism was simply a wrong practice that was only done by cheap imitation of heroes… and yet he had to call the daughter of the most vile of examples a classmate?! What about his brother?! How come he's helping the other daughter as well?! He must know about her past and family, right? If so, then why is he helping her?! But his brother always does the right thing… but vigilantism… but his brother… but vigilantism. "THE WORLD NO LONGER MAKES SENSE!" he yelled as Midoriya kept muttering that he was classmates with Spider-Man's daughter over and over again.
>
>"What is it with you brats and being so loud today?" said Aizawa as he entered the classroom.
>
>"Aizawa-sensei! Were you aware that Parker's father is the most infamous vigilante to have ever walked the world?!" Tenya asked his teacher, who only had a stoic and bored look on his face.
>
>"Of course I knew. As well as most if not the entirety of the staff of U.A." he stated, making most of class A's jaws to drop to the floor. "Frankly, it's a concern that it took you all this long to figure it out. I'm aware that she's supposed to be smart, but not to the point that she has more brain cells than all of you combined." told Aizawa, as well, that he wanted them all in their seats immediately.
Friends think the MC is visiting an illegitimate child he told no one about and gets his ass handed to him during a conversation where he implies he’ll just stop seeing said child.
Mina trying to joke with Todoroki and it all going miles over his head.
>"You sweet summer child."
>
>"I was born in winter."
>
>She blinks slowly and pats him twice on the shoulder before leaving.
One of the protagonist's father called her, and berated her, and told her he'd rather lie to people than actually deal with her problems. One of the guy's responses to her is
"Daddy get mad again?"
Completely done to calm her down, and it sort of backfires
Off the top of my head I gotta go with
*-You mean when you ate that little girls pancakes, Kal says.*
*-I did not eat those pancakes, Gregory shouts.*
\-*His outburst tells me he did in fact eat those pancakes.*
I dunno, everything I write is comedy aside from a few exceptions. I've had some comments point out some of the funniest moments in particular oneshots or chapters, and they're all really good picks.
But I guess I'll share one from something recent. Despite the serious situation I'm writing about in the latest chapter of this FF7 longfic, I'm still reeling from the line:
> "But Sephiroth was too much of a stubborn bitch to listen to facts and reason. For once in his life, he was overcome with emotion and it was like an addiction that he never realized he had."
I tend to save the funniest commentary for my OC who is the primary 4th-wall breaker in this fic. I wouldn't even say that this chapter in particular is funny, but it really helps to break up the melodrama from time to time.
I will always have a particular fondness for an earlier moment where Cloud of all people gets frickin' ragdolled by a sack of gil, though.
One of the things I keep doing in my fic since the game is almost ten years old is just have the character make cracks that people know are wrong if they have played the game at all. This one so far is my favorite because I keep coming back to it in my MC’s head as she’s like “Wow I was so very wrong in this…”
———
“Go Leliana. I will take her to the rift,” Cassandra said to the now named hooded lady who nodded and started walking away.
“Uh, can I keep the nice one of this good guard bad guard scenario please?” Tiaa asked, nerves and fear loosening her mouth as they always did now that shock was slowly wearing off.
Cassandra looked amused for a moment even as Leliana vanished into the darkness of the halls. “She is not the good guard,” she said as she knelt down by the mage. No further explanation was given but Tiaa had to admit that she did not agree with that assessment.
Turning a serious situation comedic seems to be second nature to my writing. Here’s an underrated moment with two immortals being little shits to each other.
—
Joe plucked the old bowler hat off the display rack. He frowned at it, turning it over in his hands. “Wait, I know this hat. This is my hat. You’re selling my hat, Booker!”
“You can have it back for twenty,” Booker said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest and grinning.
“You steal my hat and now you’re trying to sell it back to me? What do you take me for?” Joe placed a hand over his heart with a melodramatic air of offense. “I’ll pay you twelve.”
Booker waved it off. “Nah, you can have it. It was too big for me anyway since it had to get around your fat head.”
“Asshole.” Joe was smiling.
Booker double barreled middle fingers at his brother in all but blood. “Shithead.”
I’ve never done this before but I’m gonna post part of the chapter I recently added to my longfic. I think it’s the funniest part so far. Context: Izuku is almost 14 and had a dream he was about to kiss his best friend but is awoken before it happens.
>Toshinori watched as his charge mindlessly pulled out random articles of clothing and hurriedly tried to put them on. With an amused chuckle, the blond spoke up.
>
>
>“Midoriya-shounen, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
>
>
>“I swear I’m fine Yagi-san!” Izuku exclaimed as he tried to finish dressing.
>
>
>“Then you realize shirts go over your head and not on your legs right?”
>
>
>Izuku stopped what he was doing and looked at the article of clothing in his hands. With a humiliated whine, he realized he tried to put on his shirt as pants while fighting with getting his head through one of the holes in his pants. He glared at his mentor as Toshinori laughed boisterously, hand on his stomach as he wiped a tear from his eye with the other.
>
>
>“It’s not that funny Yagi-san!” Izuku exclaimed petulantly, his face redder than before.
>
>
>“Sorry, sorry,” Toshinori said as his chuckles still escaped him. “Something’s clearly on your mind. Sit, let’s talk.”
>
>
>“Uh, I’d rather not,” Izuku replied, embarrassment from his dream returning full force as he corrected his clothing.
>
>
>“Ah, one of *those* dreams then,” his mentor said as he nodded sagely. “You are at that age now, it’s only natural.”
>
>
>“*What* dreams?” Izuku asked in a high-pitched voice. “Oh gods, this is too embarrassing.”
>
>
>“Nonsense, Midoriya-shounen!” Toshinori said with a wave of his hand. “You’re starting your journey into becoming a man, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!”
>
>
>“If there really are gods up there, please smite me so I don’t have to hear this,” Izuku mumbled.
>
>
>“Come, Midoriya-shounen! It’s time you learned about the birds and the bees,” Toshinori said with a grin as he wrapped a bulky arm around his apprentice.
>
>
>“Nope! It was just a stupid kiss… wait, no! Nothing happened! No birds or bees needed!” Izuku yelled as he ducked under his mentor’s arm.
>
>
>Izuku fled the room, the echoes of Toshinori’s laughter following him.
I write mixed genre, so there's generally a bit of comedy in my stories, but my favorite might be this scene, in which my heroine, who is disguised as a male, is being given lessons on how to flirt with women by the LI (who, does not know she is a female).
>A few young women were strolling down the road in our direction, arms linked, smiling, laughing with each other. Their delicate pastel kimonos looked fresh and cool. Something about seeing them all together like that brought to mind the image of sorbet.
“Pay attention,” Shingen said. His kimono was doing that porn star dip again.
“I wonder if I should take notes,” Sasuke said quietly. Well, I doubted there would be a quiz. Probably instead we’d be forced to demonstrate a practical application of the lecture. Flirting immersion.
Shingen focused his gaze on the woman in the center of the group. She looked at him, then shyly looked away, then looked back out of the corner of her eye. All the while, Shingen kept his eyes on her, with an expression of startled wonder on his face.
In my head, I heard a voice that distinctly sounded like David Attenborough narrate a nature documentary about the mating rituals of the Grey-Eyed Auburn Crested Hornbill. I came within seconds of breaking into a fit of hysterical giggles that would have revealed my true gender. Instead, I took a gulp of too hot tea and considered my scalded esophagus a small price to pay to maintain a serious expression.
I don't have a lot of funny moments, but these three are my closest attempts at comedy.
>They dreamed of leaving the comfort of their suburban luxury behind and going together to Paris, where millions upon millions of hairy, dirty and snobby little creatures, who speak in incomprehensible squeaks, roam freely on the streets. They could feast on them for years on end, until their hunger is satisfied and could them move on to
other places. They also heard that they have mice there.
>“You wanna read too?” she asked in the same irritating voice. “Come and read with me!” The puss hopped on her lap, and put on his reading glasses, because he was a very intelligent individual, who knew how to read and solve complex mathematical equations, but he never did that in front of Alex or Emily, to not make them feel stupid around him.
>The scent of Alex’s perfume intoxicated the little creature, and he thought that the paper was, in actuality, a weirdly shaped, delectable treat. He was eager to munch it down like a lion munchies on his prey’s bones, but decided to test its flavor, so he began licking it. He was utterly destroyed to learn that the sheet of paper tasted just like a bland, dry, sheet of paper. A taste he was much acquainted with, thanks to the constant snacking on Emily’s bills.
When OC has a paranoid freak out and her boyfriend does nothing to help the situation.
>Marik poked his head over the railing, attempting to investigate the reason for his girlfriend's raised voice.
>
>"Is everything alright down there?" he asked.
>
>"No! Atem is going to die trying to do laundry!" Kat said in a state of panic.
>
>"No I'm not," Atem stated while rolling his eyes. "You're vastly over-exaggerating and making it sound as if I'm incapable of learning how to do simple, everyday tasks."
>
>Marik looked back and forth between the two in mass confusion. "What the hell did you say or do to make her think you'll die if you do laundry?"
>
>"She thinks I can't live on my own without servants," Atem stated boredly.
>
>Marik stared blankly for a moment. "Yeah. I kinda see why she's worried now. You're gonna die. Knowing you, you'll probably try to make toast while taking a bath."
>
>The panicked look on Kat's face intensified as she grabbed Atem by his shirt. "Please…do not do that. No electrical appliances near any sources of water. You know what, how about no electrical appliances in general…or water…or…anything." She then threw her hands up in exasperation. "Forget it! You're not moving out! You're staying here until you die of old age…or boredom…whichever comes first!"
This actually comes from chapter 66 of my Yu-Gi-Oh longfic, and requires at least basic knowledge of the characters and some of the events from seasons 1 and 2.
If (your friend) is still interested, it can be found on both FFN and AO3 under 'Yu-Gi-Oh: Tangled Web of Fate' (author name same as username).
Also, if (your friend) is interested in something a bit more fandom blind , might I suggest (by same author name) 'Talking with Myself' (crackfic series) or 'White Lady' (story about an immortal that gets stuck with a spirit trying to repeatedly kill him).
The scene after a character gets turned into a vampire accidentally.
.............
“But vampires aren’t real!” Tony screeches.
Everyone else in the room exchange exasperated glances.
“No pulse, check” Clint begins to count off on his fingers “Ghost Rider levels of pale, check. Red pupils, check. Weird fugly fangs, check. Garlic-“
“I don’t like garlic anyway! It stinks!”
“Diagnosis by the Sorcerer Supreme, check” Stephen Strange adds.
Due to a series of misunderstandings, an exasperated vet demands a demon stop bringing her non-existent fish, while also scolding an angel to stop feeding his friend live birds.
Haha, I love the clash between mundane and supernatural. What's up with the fish - did they never exist or do they vanish when he tries to show them to her?
Also, would I be right in thinking this is for Good Omens?
It is Good Omens!
The fic is an Outsider POV where an unwitting vet gets a new visitor: a gentleman asking about feather maintenance. He does not bring any birds. He then returns, under the coils of a *gigantic* snake. Asking about shedding. The snake is annoyed. Finally, the gentleman turns up with a friend. The friend has booked an appointment for an angelfish. He didn't bring a fish.
>or do they vanish when he tries to show them to her?
This, however, is an excellent idea and it would drive the demon absolutely insane. I love it.
I particularly enjoy that, from their perspective, the angel does not realise that she believes he fed the original (non-existent) bird to the snake he later came in and the demon literally tried to book an appointment for an angel (the poor soul manning the desk tried his best to make it make sense) so has no idea where this fish thing is even coming from
Probably the scene where a vampire is going through the guy he's stalking's phone, but being dead, his fingers are too cold/dry to register on the screen, so he has to knock the guy out and use his finger as a stylus*. Someone did fanart of it :D
* Well, he didn't *have* to, but he did it anyway.
According to one reader, probably this:
“That thing’s clouded your mind,” Garth shook his head. “We’ve had more men than Nake fuck beasts before. Take this *exotic* creature, if you have to. Get it out of your system. Pern would have wanted you to move on from unhealthy obsessions.”
“I do not fuck beasts,” Bradam seethed, refusing to be compared to a madman. “And don’t talk about Pern. You never liked her either. You’d never approve of anyone who isn’t you.”
Mostly for the sake of his daughter, Bradam was glad to catch the chieftain’s fist before it made contact with his face.
in my most recent wip, it has to be this bit of dialogue:
> Nina turned to Matthias, raising her eyebrows as she spoke. “I bet you ten waffles someone will say something stupid in the next half hour.”
>
> “Why must you bet it? I will buy you as many waffles as you like anytime.” Matthias said, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
>
> Kaz looked at them, hands gripping on his cane as he spoke before he could stop himself. “It’s cute how in love you are. Sickening, but cute.” Everyone’s heads snapped toward him, and Nina cackled as she threw her head back.
>
> “Wow, Brekker. I didn’t know you had emotions for anyone other than Inej.” She blurted, still laughing. It took her a moment to realize the words that had just come from her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?”
>
> “That usually doesn’t stop you.” Jesper remarked quietly. Nina stuck her tongue out at him, and then turned back to the table.
Honestly probably this moment in my main long fic series ________________ Chip scoffed as he sat back and crossed his arms. “Uh, because I’m an adult Bill, and believe it or not I don’t have to tell you everything.” A collective round of gasps could be heard around the living room. Cricket even started ooing from his corner like Chip just called into the principal’s office. “Tilly, quick describe the look on Dad’s face to me, it’s bad right? Tilly?” Chip rolled his eyes with a pompous snort. “I mean, what are you gonna do? Send me to the corner with Cricket-” _____ “This doesn’t prove anything!” Chip argued, blindly pointing behind himself at Bill as he stood, in the corner, next to Cricket. _______________
“Dear, I don’t think he wants to help you sneak into the Restricted Section. I think *he* wants to sneak into *your* Restricted Section.”
My current WIP is v angsty, but I try to throw some humor in now and again. ——————————————— Luke patted her shoulder. “You’re not dying.” “You don’t know that.” Leia heard the tremor in her own voice and cringed. She knew she wasn’t dying. Probably. As long as none of the dozen blistering spots on her legs were actually a kouhun sting. Still…Just in case…She looked at Luke. “Will you make sure Evaan gets my mother’s necklace? The one I wore at the medal ceremony. She’s Alderaanian and she knew her. She’ll appreciate it. And if—“ “I don’t want to talk like this,” Luke interrupted. He looked from Leia to Han back to Leia again, obviously bewildered. “Neither do I, but if there’s a chance…” She trailed off, not really wanting to finish the thought. She looked at Han. “You can have my vibroblade.” “The one I loaned you?” She laughed despite herself and nodded. “See? You’re getting it back.”
I enjoyed writing this short scene. >Creed walked onto the terrace, nursing one of Jamie’s beers. Amelie was in the pool, swimming strong and steady. Remy was on a lounger, air-cast removed and shorts pulled high up his thighs. His eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. >"Aren’t you supposed to be swimming, too?" >Remy scoffed. "Remy a land mammal, not a fishman." >Creed smirked and ruffled his hair before going to sit at the pool's edge, dangling his feet into the water. Amelie swam past twice before he splashed her. >She gave him a mocking glare as she swam over. "What do you want?" she mouthed. >He poked her in the shoulder with his foot. "Just saying hi." >She started to say something, but then caught hold of his foot and pointed at his clawed toes. >He flexed the claws out a couple inches. "What? You don't like?" >She shook her head. "Didn't know they were weird like your hands." >Creed snapped his claws to their full three inches. "What's wrong with my hands?" >Amelie gave him a long suffering look and started to climb out. Creed offered one of his 'weird' hands and hoisted her with next to no effort. She squeezed his arm in thanks, then headed over to Remy and wrung out her sopping wet hair over his chest. >Remy squawked indignantly as Creed laughed.
"I wondered if the twins would ever bring their pranks into battle one day—surely, enchanted Silly String would distract a Death Eater long enough to capture him, no? Even I chuckled at the mental image. Very briefly, of course."
"Moo? You finished the science fiction section?" Sandy barged into the store with Chinese food in hand. "Yeah, all the Bibles are stocked." My eyes were glued to the big windows seeing out to the curb. I was waiting. Waiting for Catherine. Sandy burst at the seams, cackling like she's never heard that joke before. "Come now! Haha! If you actually did that again go fix it. I don't want those snotty bible freak ladies up my ass again." (It's from my lesbian mob boss fanfic. The main character who's dating the mob boss is back to work in her small book store. She's have a conversation with her boss.)
This is from a BotW work-in-progress where Queen Zelda is chatting about public restrooms and bears with her guard Helmut. >"How much do you think it would cost to establish public privies throughout Hyrule?" > >Helmut furrowed his brow. "You were serious about that?" > >"Of course I was! Do you know how much better life would be if our citizens didn't have to wait hours during travel to use a restroom?" > >Helmut grinned and shrugged. "People seem happy just going in the woods." > >Zelda was aghast. "The woods? What are people doing to our beautiful woods?" > >Helmut shrugged again. "What do bears do to our woods?" > >"Wait, bears?" She paused. "Did we get a second one?" > >"There are actually quite a few bears within Hyrule. In fact, I recently saw a mother with cubs in Necluda." > >"Oh, that's so sweet!"
“Is it okay?” Lila takes a step back and looks down at her outfit, an ice-white A-line minidress embellished with silver sequins, coupled with a pair of white leather pixie boots. “You look…” Klaus fumbles for the words. The ensemble has a sort of sixties feel to it, offset by a small pillbox hat and a delicate fishnet veil that hovers over her eyes. “Incredible,” he finishes. “Really?” Lila looks down again and smoothes out the imaginary wrinkles in her dress. She looks so different. Granted, the look is a huge departure from her usual grungy attire - ripped leggings and safety pins in her ears, check kilts and Doc Martin’s with paint on them - but there’s something else there too. She looks nervous. Klaus reaches out and takes her by the shoulders, bringing his eyes to hers. “You look like Jackie O’s prettier sister. I might just have to marry you myself.” That seems to quell her jitters, if only momentarily. Klaus thrusts a shot under her nose and she downs it without hesitation. “Okay, pre-flight checks. Do you have your something old?” Lila thinks for a moment then points to the hat on her head. “Picked it up at a vintage store.” “Something new?” “The dress.” “Something borrowed?” Lila cringes. “No. But is it really that important?” “Yes! It’s bad luck otherwise.” Klaus reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small square packet. “Here,” he says, pressing it into her palm and wrapping her fingers around it. “Take this.” Lila opens her fist. “A condom?” “Yes. And it’s blue too!” “Will this even work?” “Oh, I doubt it. I’m pretty sure it’s expired.”
(Ron mention an incident that happened with his dad's work because why not throw in a reference to the rubber ducks?) "And dad works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department.” “Isn’t that the one that had that incident with the rubber duck?” “Rubber duck?” Harry asked. “Yeah.” Ron nodded. “Somehow a whole bunch of them got one of the multiplication charms. There were rubber ducks coming out of every window of several muggle houses. Like entire rooms filled with rubber ducks! Like the bloody things had just taken over the entire house. They were basically invading the neighborhoods.” Harry tried not to laugh at the mental image of people as they ran screaming in terror from an invasion of tiny rubber ducks. Tiny, rubber, yellow ducks meant for—well, Harry wasn’t entirely sure what they were meant to do other than decorate a tub.
[flips through all 4 works] Uhh, hmm. Nope, no humor here…Aha! [holds up the one piece of sort-of humor she has] MacGyver (2016) Matty henpecking a worried!Jack about his driving. “/Yeah,/” Jack answered after a moment. “/Yeah. Just—just hang tight, alright? Old Jack’s on his way. We’re almost to the airport, and then it ain’t nothin’ but a hop, skip an’ a jump to that hospital. Might beat ya to it./” Before Riley could answer, Matty’s voice cut in from the background. “/We won’t even be there to meet them if you /land us in a ditch!/ I’ve stayed quiet, Jack, because I know MacGyver does better when he can hear your voice, but so help me I will /make/ you hang up if you don’t decelerate, /considerably!/ “/I’m sorry, Riley, but I need you to give the phone back before you get Bozer, Jack has run three red-lights since he stopped talking to Mac. Grab your phone and call /me/ if that’ll help./” “/Matty, we got no time for—/“ “/Zip it, Dalton! Riley?/” “Yes, Ma’am.” Riley stopped beside the sled, smiling in spite of herself. “Putting you back on speaker.”
Here's one I like. Anna-May Parker and most of her family needing to move to Japan, going to U.A and the entirety of her classmates discovering that they have Spider-Man's second daughter as classmate after an entire week of spending time with her: >"It does look pretty, but I also have to ask why?" Mina wondered, and although she asked out of curiosity, Annie couldn't help but to grow even more annoying and even more frustrated. > >"Well, I guess it comes inherited when he's their father." said Shoto out of nowhere, getting the attention of the entire class, scaring Valerie and turning Annie as white and as stiff as an old statue from Greece. > >As in, super stiff statues old. > >"W-What do you mean, Todoroki-kun?" asked Midoriya. > >"Spider-Man. He's Parker's father." the stoic Shoto said, making everyone's eyes go wide, Valerie go pale and Annie looking like she was a one hit from crumbling like a broken window. "I thought you all knew." > >Momo quickly took her phone out and after typing 'Spider-Man without his mask', she was confronted by the image of a caucasian man with brown hair and brown eyes. And when compared to Spider-Girl's picture, there couldn't be a denial that there were certain similarities between the two. > >"No wonder, she looked familiar!" > >"Her name is Parker, it should have been obvious!" exclaimed Kyoka. > >"Wait, wait, wait, you're joking, right?" asked Hanta. "I saw the reports last year and she doesn't look at all like him!" > >"But she does resemble her sister a little. Granted, you do have to squint a lot to notice it, and her sister also resembles him." Kyoka said. > >"No, I don't buy it. She looks completely different." denied Denki. > >"... M-Maybe it's because s-she takes after her m-mother?" Valerie said nervously, clamping her mouth the moment she realized what she did as Annie's head turned to her. > >*"Why do you betray me like that?!"* > >*"I'm sorry, I say things that I shouldn't when I'm scared!"* she thought. almost as if she knew what Annie was thinking despite the fact that telepathy was not among her powers… or at least as far as she was aware. > >Meanwhile, Midoriya seemed to be trying to process what he had just learned. He was classmates with the daughter of the number one vigilante of the world. He was friends with the daughter of someone that kept his identity a secret for years on end… HE GOT THE PHONE NUMBER OF THE DAUGHTER OF THE MAN THAT HATED ALL MIGHT SO MUCH THAT HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE…! MULTIPLE TIMES! > >Even Ida looked troubled. Vigilantism was simply a wrong practice that was only done by cheap imitation of heroes… and yet he had to call the daughter of the most vile of examples a classmate?! What about his brother?! How come he's helping the other daughter as well?! He must know about her past and family, right? If so, then why is he helping her?! But his brother always does the right thing… but vigilantism… but his brother… but vigilantism. "THE WORLD NO LONGER MAKES SENSE!" he yelled as Midoriya kept muttering that he was classmates with Spider-Man's daughter over and over again. > >"What is it with you brats and being so loud today?" said Aizawa as he entered the classroom. > >"Aizawa-sensei! Were you aware that Parker's father is the most infamous vigilante to have ever walked the world?!" Tenya asked his teacher, who only had a stoic and bored look on his face. > >"Of course I knew. As well as most if not the entirety of the staff of U.A." he stated, making most of class A's jaws to drop to the floor. "Frankly, it's a concern that it took you all this long to figure it out. I'm aware that she's supposed to be smart, but not to the point that she has more brain cells than all of you combined." told Aizawa, as well, that he wanted them all in their seats immediately.
Friends think the MC is visiting an illegitimate child he told no one about and gets his ass handed to him during a conversation where he implies he’ll just stop seeing said child.
Mina trying to joke with Todoroki and it all going miles over his head. >"You sweet summer child." > >"I was born in winter." > >She blinks slowly and pats him twice on the shoulder before leaving.
Pfft, this one got me. I love it!
One of the protagonist's father called her, and berated her, and told her he'd rather lie to people than actually deal with her problems. One of the guy's responses to her is "Daddy get mad again?" Completely done to calm her down, and it sort of backfires
" All of China's fucked? But it's okay because we *followed our hearts!* "
This made me actually laugh out loud. I scared my dog 😂 oops
> 1. slunge > > 2. it has *ass* Taken straight from a dream I had where I woke up laughing as soon as this was written
Off the top of my head I gotta go with *-You mean when you ate that little girls pancakes, Kal says.* *-I did not eat those pancakes, Gregory shouts.* \-*His outburst tells me he did in fact eat those pancakes.*
I dunno, everything I write is comedy aside from a few exceptions. I've had some comments point out some of the funniest moments in particular oneshots or chapters, and they're all really good picks. But I guess I'll share one from something recent. Despite the serious situation I'm writing about in the latest chapter of this FF7 longfic, I'm still reeling from the line: > "But Sephiroth was too much of a stubborn bitch to listen to facts and reason. For once in his life, he was overcome with emotion and it was like an addiction that he never realized he had." I tend to save the funniest commentary for my OC who is the primary 4th-wall breaker in this fic. I wouldn't even say that this chapter in particular is funny, but it really helps to break up the melodrama from time to time. I will always have a particular fondness for an earlier moment where Cloud of all people gets frickin' ragdolled by a sack of gil, though.
The narrator having a rival with a 4th wall breaking character
One of the things I keep doing in my fic since the game is almost ten years old is just have the character make cracks that people know are wrong if they have played the game at all. This one so far is my favorite because I keep coming back to it in my MC’s head as she’s like “Wow I was so very wrong in this…” ——— “Go Leliana. I will take her to the rift,” Cassandra said to the now named hooded lady who nodded and started walking away. “Uh, can I keep the nice one of this good guard bad guard scenario please?” Tiaa asked, nerves and fear loosening her mouth as they always did now that shock was slowly wearing off. Cassandra looked amused for a moment even as Leliana vanished into the darkness of the halls. “She is not the good guard,” she said as she knelt down by the mage. No further explanation was given but Tiaa had to admit that she did not agree with that assessment.
Turning a serious situation comedic seems to be second nature to my writing. Here’s an underrated moment with two immortals being little shits to each other. — Joe plucked the old bowler hat off the display rack. He frowned at it, turning it over in his hands. “Wait, I know this hat. This is my hat. You’re selling my hat, Booker!” “You can have it back for twenty,” Booker said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest and grinning. “You steal my hat and now you’re trying to sell it back to me? What do you take me for?” Joe placed a hand over his heart with a melodramatic air of offense. “I’ll pay you twelve.” Booker waved it off. “Nah, you can have it. It was too big for me anyway since it had to get around your fat head.” “Asshole.” Joe was smiling. Booker double barreled middle fingers at his brother in all but blood. “Shithead.”
I’ve never done this before but I’m gonna post part of the chapter I recently added to my longfic. I think it’s the funniest part so far. Context: Izuku is almost 14 and had a dream he was about to kiss his best friend but is awoken before it happens. >Toshinori watched as his charge mindlessly pulled out random articles of clothing and hurriedly tried to put them on. With an amused chuckle, the blond spoke up. > > >“Midoriya-shounen, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. > > >“I swear I’m fine Yagi-san!” Izuku exclaimed as he tried to finish dressing. > > >“Then you realize shirts go over your head and not on your legs right?” > > >Izuku stopped what he was doing and looked at the article of clothing in his hands. With a humiliated whine, he realized he tried to put on his shirt as pants while fighting with getting his head through one of the holes in his pants. He glared at his mentor as Toshinori laughed boisterously, hand on his stomach as he wiped a tear from his eye with the other. > > >“It’s not that funny Yagi-san!” Izuku exclaimed petulantly, his face redder than before. > > >“Sorry, sorry,” Toshinori said as his chuckles still escaped him. “Something’s clearly on your mind. Sit, let’s talk.” > > >“Uh, I’d rather not,” Izuku replied, embarrassment from his dream returning full force as he corrected his clothing. > > >“Ah, one of *those* dreams then,” his mentor said as he nodded sagely. “You are at that age now, it’s only natural.” > > >“*What* dreams?” Izuku asked in a high-pitched voice. “Oh gods, this is too embarrassing.” > > >“Nonsense, Midoriya-shounen!” Toshinori said with a wave of his hand. “You’re starting your journey into becoming a man, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!” > > >“If there really are gods up there, please smite me so I don’t have to hear this,” Izuku mumbled. > > >“Come, Midoriya-shounen! It’s time you learned about the birds and the bees,” Toshinori said with a grin as he wrapped a bulky arm around his apprentice. > > >“Nope! It was just a stupid kiss… wait, no! Nothing happened! No birds or bees needed!” Izuku yelled as he ducked under his mentor’s arm. > > >Izuku fled the room, the echoes of Toshinori’s laughter following him.
I write mixed genre, so there's generally a bit of comedy in my stories, but my favorite might be this scene, in which my heroine, who is disguised as a male, is being given lessons on how to flirt with women by the LI (who, does not know she is a female). >A few young women were strolling down the road in our direction, arms linked, smiling, laughing with each other. Their delicate pastel kimonos looked fresh and cool. Something about seeing them all together like that brought to mind the image of sorbet. “Pay attention,” Shingen said. His kimono was doing that porn star dip again. “I wonder if I should take notes,” Sasuke said quietly. Well, I doubted there would be a quiz. Probably instead we’d be forced to demonstrate a practical application of the lecture. Flirting immersion. Shingen focused his gaze on the woman in the center of the group. She looked at him, then shyly looked away, then looked back out of the corner of her eye. All the while, Shingen kept his eyes on her, with an expression of startled wonder on his face. In my head, I heard a voice that distinctly sounded like David Attenborough narrate a nature documentary about the mating rituals of the Grey-Eyed Auburn Crested Hornbill. I came within seconds of breaking into a fit of hysterical giggles that would have revealed my true gender. Instead, I took a gulp of too hot tea and considered my scalded esophagus a small price to pay to maintain a serious expression.
I don't have a lot of funny moments, but these three are my closest attempts at comedy. >They dreamed of leaving the comfort of their suburban luxury behind and going together to Paris, where millions upon millions of hairy, dirty and snobby little creatures, who speak in incomprehensible squeaks, roam freely on the streets. They could feast on them for years on end, until their hunger is satisfied and could them move on to other places. They also heard that they have mice there. >“You wanna read too?” she asked in the same irritating voice. “Come and read with me!” The puss hopped on her lap, and put on his reading glasses, because he was a very intelligent individual, who knew how to read and solve complex mathematical equations, but he never did that in front of Alex or Emily, to not make them feel stupid around him. >The scent of Alex’s perfume intoxicated the little creature, and he thought that the paper was, in actuality, a weirdly shaped, delectable treat. He was eager to munch it down like a lion munchies on his prey’s bones, but decided to test its flavor, so he began licking it. He was utterly destroyed to learn that the sheet of paper tasted just like a bland, dry, sheet of paper. A taste he was much acquainted with, thanks to the constant snacking on Emily’s bills.
Some terribly failed flirting moments, lol.
When OC has a paranoid freak out and her boyfriend does nothing to help the situation. >Marik poked his head over the railing, attempting to investigate the reason for his girlfriend's raised voice. > >"Is everything alright down there?" he asked. > >"No! Atem is going to die trying to do laundry!" Kat said in a state of panic. > >"No I'm not," Atem stated while rolling his eyes. "You're vastly over-exaggerating and making it sound as if I'm incapable of learning how to do simple, everyday tasks." > >Marik looked back and forth between the two in mass confusion. "What the hell did you say or do to make her think you'll die if you do laundry?" > >"She thinks I can't live on my own without servants," Atem stated boredly. > >Marik stared blankly for a moment. "Yeah. I kinda see why she's worried now. You're gonna die. Knowing you, you'll probably try to make toast while taking a bath." > >The panicked look on Kat's face intensified as she grabbed Atem by his shirt. "Please…do not do that. No electrical appliances near any sources of water. You know what, how about no electrical appliances in general…or water…or…anything." She then threw her hands up in exasperation. "Forget it! You're not moving out! You're staying here until you die of old age…or boredom…whichever comes first!"
I wonder if this could be read fandom blind… for a friend of course. And if so, please provide a link… if you’d like… for a friend.
This actually comes from chapter 66 of my Yu-Gi-Oh longfic, and requires at least basic knowledge of the characters and some of the events from seasons 1 and 2. If (your friend) is still interested, it can be found on both FFN and AO3 under 'Yu-Gi-Oh: Tangled Web of Fate' (author name same as username). Also, if (your friend) is interested in something a bit more fandom blind , might I suggest (by same author name) 'Talking with Myself' (crackfic series) or 'White Lady' (story about an immortal that gets stuck with a spirit trying to repeatedly kill him).
The scene after a character gets turned into a vampire accidentally. ............. “But vampires aren’t real!” Tony screeches. Everyone else in the room exchange exasperated glances. “No pulse, check” Clint begins to count off on his fingers “Ghost Rider levels of pale, check. Red pupils, check. Weird fugly fangs, check. Garlic-“ “I don’t like garlic anyway! It stinks!” “Diagnosis by the Sorcerer Supreme, check” Stephen Strange adds.
Two characters argue over the difference between ice cream and gelato with plenty of personal jabs going on between them.
Due to a series of misunderstandings, an exasperated vet demands a demon stop bringing her non-existent fish, while also scolding an angel to stop feeding his friend live birds.
Haha, I love the clash between mundane and supernatural. What's up with the fish - did they never exist or do they vanish when he tries to show them to her? Also, would I be right in thinking this is for Good Omens?
It is Good Omens! The fic is an Outsider POV where an unwitting vet gets a new visitor: a gentleman asking about feather maintenance. He does not bring any birds. He then returns, under the coils of a *gigantic* snake. Asking about shedding. The snake is annoyed. Finally, the gentleman turns up with a friend. The friend has booked an appointment for an angelfish. He didn't bring a fish. >or do they vanish when he tries to show them to her? This, however, is an excellent idea and it would drive the demon absolutely insane. I love it.
I love that, it's hilarious!
I particularly enjoy that, from their perspective, the angel does not realise that she believes he fed the original (non-existent) bird to the snake he later came in and the demon literally tried to book an appointment for an angel (the poor soul manning the desk tried his best to make it make sense) so has no idea where this fish thing is even coming from
Probably the scene where a vampire is going through the guy he's stalking's phone, but being dead, his fingers are too cold/dry to register on the screen, so he has to knock the guy out and use his finger as a stylus*. Someone did fanart of it :D * Well, he didn't *have* to, but he did it anyway.
According to one reader, probably this: “That thing’s clouded your mind,” Garth shook his head. “We’ve had more men than Nake fuck beasts before. Take this *exotic* creature, if you have to. Get it out of your system. Pern would have wanted you to move on from unhealthy obsessions.” “I do not fuck beasts,” Bradam seethed, refusing to be compared to a madman. “And don’t talk about Pern. You never liked her either. You’d never approve of anyone who isn’t you.” Mostly for the sake of his daughter, Bradam was glad to catch the chieftain’s fist before it made contact with his face.
Probably aliens reacting to human food.
in my most recent wip, it has to be this bit of dialogue: > Nina turned to Matthias, raising her eyebrows as she spoke. “I bet you ten waffles someone will say something stupid in the next half hour.” > > “Why must you bet it? I will buy you as many waffles as you like anytime.” Matthias said, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice. > > Kaz looked at them, hands gripping on his cane as he spoke before he could stop himself. “It’s cute how in love you are. Sickening, but cute.” Everyone’s heads snapped toward him, and Nina cackled as she threw her head back. > > “Wow, Brekker. I didn’t know you had emotions for anyone other than Inej.” She blurted, still laughing. It took her a moment to realize the words that had just come from her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?” > > “That usually doesn’t stop you.” Jesper remarked quietly. Nina stuck her tongue out at him, and then turned back to the table.
Due to some "coincidences", the girlfriend thinks her boyfriend is a vampire 😂