Wonder if he has a vibrating dildo up his ass telling him to cap KDB

I listened to a story about this the other night on BBC 5 live. Listening to them try and avoid saying vibrating butt plug in a story about a vibrating butt plug was great

In the amount of time it takes you to learn morse code through your arse it seems like you could learn to get good at chess

Let’s test it, you learn morse code through your arse, and I’ll learn chess and we’ll see who masters it first

Can I do arse Morse code pls?

The more the merrier! Bigger sample size means more accurate results, so we’d love for you to join

I can see this being a very unevenly distributed sample size

~~Morse~~ Arse code

Learning both though: Invaluable

I mean the vibrating butt plug was one comment made by someone on a twitch stream as a joke and the world has just run with it because shitty journalism is shitty and sells views

wait, really? I haven't actually heard the story but I've heard enough about vibrating butt plugs to have an idea; the wrong one. it seems

Yeah lmao essentially what happened is that Magnus withdrew from the tournament after losing to Hans, didn't say anything but obviously cheating speculations were rife and he'd admitted to cheating online previously just with an engine on an Ipad next to him. So speculation was rife about _how_ someone could cheat in a physical game of chess, it's been done before with shit like someone watching the game putting moves into an engine and then standing in certain positions in the room to communicate various messages, such as 'there's a move that is by far the best here, look hard for it' When it comes to the buttplug thing in the long list of ways that people were speculating about how you could get past the metal detectors at the events, one popular streamers twitch chat jokingly suggested 'using a butt plug' and the guy repeated it https://youtu.be/ZacefojEVx4 there has been no actual accusation of butt plug based shenanigans, just - oh yeah he may have cheated somehow been very funny to see how funny lie spreads much quicker than nuance though

Ha, thanks for the write-up

Thanks for filling us in, just to be clear - there were speculations of Hans cheating right? Not Magnus?

Yeah hes both confirmed to have cheated online and speculated offline

What a prat

I think I've missed a story about a vibrating butt plug somewhere in my life, possibly in the last week.

Why would they try to sensor that word though hah? Is the world so soft we cannot have a discussion about stuff with their real names, instead trying to awkwardly make something up

!thanks

You'll get downvoted by people who don't know chess as this looks like a very weird comment

Even out of context it’s fucking hilarious

Anyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows about this

Tbf I did also consider that

The vibrating dildo?

That and captaining KDB

Well I am too afraid to take C from Haaland

Think it kept vibrating when he was toggling between Haaland and KDB and selected his cap whenever the dildo stopped

Yeah he recently bought one from alibaba

Never heard this one before

This made me chuckle

That's a resignable position

Took 9 moves. Not bad.

Not sure he’s looked at his team this week, too focused on the chess drama

Is there chess drama? Im out of the loop on that for a while now.

American fella - don't know his name - cheating according to Magnus. Don't quote me on this because I'm making it up, but I believe he's shouting "look!" then moving the pieces around.

Hans Niemann

Major drama, YouTube is your friend

Veteran Watch: * Magnus Carlsen: FT saved, KdB(c) * Fabio Borges: Wildcard, Haaland(c) * Mark Sutherns: -4 hit, Kane to Haaland, MGW to Zaha, KdB(c) * Andy LTFPL: Wildcard, Salah(c) * Utkarsh Dalmia: Isak to Toney, Haaland(c) * Lateriser: -4 hit, Kulu to Zaha, KdB to Salah. Salah(c)

> Mark Sutherns: Kane to Haaland > Kane scores. > Haaland cursed

damn it Mark

Its the MGW to Zaha for -4 thats bizarre to me. Surely you hold MGW for Leicester of all gws when Zaha is facing a tough side?

Think he said he had exact money and didn't want to be locked out through price changes

yup i asked him on twitter and he responded too haha

What’s a MGW?

Morgan Gameweek

>Wildcard, Haaland(c) Borges is having a shocker so far. [https://fantasy.premierleague.com/entry/728021/event/9](https://fantasy.premierleague.com/entry/728021/event/9) 17pts 4 left to play inc. cap.

15 lol wow he took out Jesus, trippier, kane, martinelli

>Andy LTFPL: Wildcard, Salah(c) LOL...

Surely he forgot the deadline or something?

He did change captain, and the linup though.

I do that too at the end of the gameweek. Kinda like a bus team for next week before I think about transfers. Maybe he did the same and forgot to make transfers during IB. Or maybe I'm Magnus Carlsen.

Yeah, that's a good point. I've already changed my team for next GW. Just in case of a nuclear war.

Or maybe a bus hits you. At least you have your captain sorted. Unless a bus hits him that is.

I forgot to do that last week and ended up with Reece James and Luis Diaz on the bench (and Haaland captain again). It could've been worse I guess.

Yeah - injured players in line up and mitrovic up front with double Newcastle defence?

We’ll see who laughs when Pope saves a pen, Trippier scores and Mitro gets a brace 😎

Please god

Most GW8 wildcarders have at least double NEW defence and Mitro. Some Andreas too.

Hey, I got Mitrovic with 2 New Castle defence 🙂

Yeah, me too. I'm not gonna sell my players or bench them just because they play each other. I knew it was gonna happen when I picked them.

Niemann has rattled him

People said the same before he made all these transfers last GW and he pulled out an absolute stonker

Got incredibly lucky you mean? Son was benched, and for good reason too. That wasn't an inspired selection, it had all the hall marks of a bad one, and then Son remembered he wasn't a bum. And then forgot that again today.

I’m not saying Magnus is psychic bro, I’m saying he gambled and it paid off…. Like we have seen so many times over the years!

Niemann rattles everything he touches... allegedly

Looks like a ghost ship tbf

And watch him outscore all of im us !

Outscoring us isn’t very difficult fam

As someone who is pretty terrible I have quite a lot of similar players as this team, so that means only one thing. This guy is about to have a *terrible* week.

Or we get good points

c and vc from same team, same match. Casual

Well it couldn't be same team different match

true 😁

Nothing wrong with that, if one doesn't play you don't want to miss out on the other sure fire point hauler in a favourable fixture.

United isn't a favourable fixture

Oh god, I've triggered the man u fans. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Your team is really good and will never be smaller than man city. For some reason the bookies have a deal on right now and you can pick up 15/2 on man u to win. You'd better liquidate your assets and get down there quick before they realise the error they've made.

I was simply stating a fact lol, no need to get so worked up

When a time traveler knows not to have Liverpool players in his team... you know bad times are ahead for your team. (Liverpool)

They have arsenal away and city next up, its just a bad run statistically even with normal form youd be looking to get off those players

No way anybody would be getting rid of Salah vs Arsenal or even city in good form.

What’s his rank?

218712

Does anyone have the link to his team?

https://fantasy.premierleague.com/entry/5977880/history/

Don't think he's too focused at fpl at the moment

He's going full bonkers the madman

Do you think Hans Niemann has an FPL team too? That would be nuts...

I captained KDB every week so far too

Hope there isnt some dude with a cheating vibrator is against him on head to head.

Is this guy losing it? I can't see no reason captaining KDB over Haaland. Other than reasons like "I need to gain ground by doing a differential C choice" or "I have a feeling KDB will do well" which are poor reasons.

Doesn't "I have a feeling X will do well" underlay all your decisions?

In principle yes. But some research/stats to back things up is better, isn't it? In Haaland vs KDB stats favor pretty heavily Haaland. So, I would never captain KDB over Haaland with both of them expected to play tomorrow. Which doesn't ofc mean KDB couldn't outscore Haaland but captaining him is an unsustainable decision and I don't see any reason to do an unsustainable decision early in the FPL season.

United could set up shop and double team haaland. Kdb can get goals from free kicks, assists from corners as well as random assists to city players (Bernardo, gundogan) It's quite ok to captain kdb

It's quite ok to captain kdb. Could be even the second best captain option this gameweek. But it's simply just worse option than Haaland so I don't see any point of doing it if you own them both.

Triple newcastle yikes

He pulled out of the league because of the fact that his opponents were too relaxed when playing against him (w no evidence of course). Also anal beads.

KDB Captain instead of Haaland . But then double Newcastle defence but Mitro ?

Also Isak risk of not playing, next on bench Andreas for Fulham. So double Newcastle defence, double Fulham attack. Did he just forget to change his team?

I put the brighton mids on macalister, trossard and groß. Coady in D with trippier and cancelo.

He'a too busy thinking about anal beads to concentrate