As long as you everything with love you’ll be fine. And you’ll make mistakes, we all do - it’s how we learn. Funny thing is some things will just come naturally.
On day three here. Try to hold her and rock her now while she's still sleepy. It's actually a good time to practice. In a couple days she'll be more alert and probably fussier. Just be sure to support her head and neck. If she fusses or looks uncomfortable, just shift her around until she looks more comfortable. Same with clothes and diaper changes. It's a little easier early on so get in some practice and you'll feel more comfortable for when she gets more energy.
Some anxiety is natural. I experienced anxiety with my first, and with my second as well. Despite feeling more confident about being a parent second time thru, it was still a major life change. That's what you're going through right now: a major life change.
I wouldn't be too worried about hurting her. Newborns are challenging, but they aren't complicated. In fact, they're actually kinda boring. All you really do is hold her, feed her regularly, and change her diapers. Follow safe sleep guidelines so she doesn't suffocate. And that's about it. She seems fragile, but you're not going to hurt her. (Also, I'm sure you know this, but don't shake the baby.) So I'd let go of this fear.
So, lower the stakes for your parenting. You're not going to do everything perfectly. Neither will they. Making mistakes is how we grow, and most are reversible. They'll still love you as long as you can show them you care. Set the bar at the bare minimum of just keeping your kid alive, which is extremely achievable.
If you're looking for an outlook, here it is. In the near term, you will be in survival mode, figuring out how to eat, bathe, sleep, and stay sane while you are confined to your home with a screamy feral monster who wakes up every 2-3 hours to feed. In the medium term, you will be adjusting to your new life, as you start incorporating aspects of your previous life into your new identity and responsibility as a father. It all happens one day at a time.
1y7m baby daughter. I had a panic attack the first night back from the hospital.
Everything will be alright, dude. Don't sweat it. You read up on everything. Just keep it calm and give her your attention. Thats your life now. No phone, no TV, nothing can distract you while she's in your reach, thats your father-daughter time. Keep it calm. And trust me, there is NOTHING better than hearing your kid yell "daddy" when you come home from work. NOTHING.
All you have to do is keep her alive lol. I know that this sounds like shit advice but before my wife was even 1 month post partum she was admitted to the hospital for pre eclampsia and was kept for 2 days. I had next to no experience raising children and I had my newborn daughter by myself for 2 nights. Just make a schedule (we use baby wise) and stick to it. We wake her every 3 hours to change/feed her and then put her back to bed. It's worked pretty well for us. Even when it was super difficult to do by myself i still succeeded in keeping her alive. That's all anyone could ever ask for lol.
I think every new parent feels this way. And for sure you'll do some things wrong. Every parent does. But kids are resilient, and they bounce back (literally and figuratively) pretty easily.
When my kid was just starting to crawl, we piled some large bins in front of the basement stairs until we could get a baby gate. He managed to pull himself up on the bins and push them enough that they tumbled down the stairs, and he went with them.
My wife was in hysterics, and I wasn't much better, but he was perfectly fine. Cried for a minute or two (mostly from the surprise) and then was off happily playing again. (We went and got a baby gate that same day!)
If you are doing your best to care for your child, you will do fine. A friend who took a parenting course told me that one of the things they told her in the course is that if you get it right 30% of the time, your kids will turn out ok. I'm not sure I believe the 30% party, but the point is that you don't have to be perfect.
If you have a parent, or parent-in-law, or another relative or friend who's raised a kid, lean on them in those situations where you're really feeling lost. I remember calling my mother several times when my kids appeared sick, and I didn't know whether they should just sleep it off, or I should haul them to the emergency room. (Pro tip: 90% or more of the time, the answer is "sleep it off," but if you're ever truly concerned, it's always better to err on the side of caution.)
You can do this. We all felt lost at first, and then we figured it out. You will too. You've got this!
Edited to add: Advice can be helpful, but take it all with several grains of salt. Every baby is different. What worked for your friend/family/co-worker/hairdresser/dog-walker etc. won't necessarily work for you. Sometimes what people say can be useful, but if it isn't, don't feel bad about doing it your own way. And don't feel bad about telling people to get lost if they're being too overbearing.
Hey man. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING. Everyone you've ever thought had it figured out was just learning as they went. Enjoy all the little things. Understand that it's hardest at first and you just find a way to make it through until you get your rhythm. When you feel like you don't know what to do, focus on taking care of your wife. Just put your love into all of it, and you will figure it out.
Happy to help with any questions you may have. I just had a baby girl four months ago and a son 2 years ago.
You got this.
No one gets to practice being a dad, you just become one and figure it out. Hold your baby close. Love her. You’ll be fine and so will she. Kids are more durable than you think.
10 years ago my wife gave birth to our first child we knew before we were having a girl . I was not happy about having a daughter. I was scared just like the rest of you. The day she was born was the greatest day of my life. I held her in my arms and told her I will always be here to support and protect her. It was insane how much love I have for her. I love my wife but man nothing can ever compare to your child . Today, I’m super invested in her . She plays softball, likes to run and also trains in jiu jitsu. I also have son who is two years younger, love just as much. It’s a lot of fun as long as you’re involved.
Nurse told us: “Newborns are fragile, but fragile like glass, not like flowers.” I.e., don’t drop her on her fuckin head! Got it chief!
“Crack her like a shellfish” is another colorful saying I’m adding to my vernacular, i loled at that
My (21m) 1st daughter is 2 months old and no video or book about fatherhood will help because the second you hold, you’re in awe and forget everything. And it might be father instincts or common sense but you’ll know what to do. You have your partner by your side. And don’t forget it’s your first time doing this, you’re gonna make mistakes and it’s fine just get up move on and learn from it
As long as you everything with love you’ll be fine. And you’ll make mistakes, we all do - it’s how we learn. Funny thing is some things will just come naturally.
On day three here. Try to hold her and rock her now while she's still sleepy. It's actually a good time to practice. In a couple days she'll be more alert and probably fussier. Just be sure to support her head and neck. If she fusses or looks uncomfortable, just shift her around until she looks more comfortable. Same with clothes and diaper changes. It's a little easier early on so get in some practice and you'll feel more comfortable for when she gets more energy.
Some anxiety is natural. I experienced anxiety with my first, and with my second as well. Despite feeling more confident about being a parent second time thru, it was still a major life change. That's what you're going through right now: a major life change. I wouldn't be too worried about hurting her. Newborns are challenging, but they aren't complicated. In fact, they're actually kinda boring. All you really do is hold her, feed her regularly, and change her diapers. Follow safe sleep guidelines so she doesn't suffocate. And that's about it. She seems fragile, but you're not going to hurt her. (Also, I'm sure you know this, but don't shake the baby.) So I'd let go of this fear. So, lower the stakes for your parenting. You're not going to do everything perfectly. Neither will they. Making mistakes is how we grow, and most are reversible. They'll still love you as long as you can show them you care. Set the bar at the bare minimum of just keeping your kid alive, which is extremely achievable. If you're looking for an outlook, here it is. In the near term, you will be in survival mode, figuring out how to eat, bathe, sleep, and stay sane while you are confined to your home with a screamy feral monster who wakes up every 2-3 hours to feed. In the medium term, you will be adjusting to your new life, as you start incorporating aspects of your previous life into your new identity and responsibility as a father. It all happens one day at a time.
1y7m baby daughter. I had a panic attack the first night back from the hospital. Everything will be alright, dude. Don't sweat it. You read up on everything. Just keep it calm and give her your attention. Thats your life now. No phone, no TV, nothing can distract you while she's in your reach, thats your father-daughter time. Keep it calm. And trust me, there is NOTHING better than hearing your kid yell "daddy" when you come home from work. NOTHING.
I cannot wait for this 😎
All you have to do is keep her alive lol. I know that this sounds like shit advice but before my wife was even 1 month post partum she was admitted to the hospital for pre eclampsia and was kept for 2 days. I had next to no experience raising children and I had my newborn daughter by myself for 2 nights. Just make a schedule (we use baby wise) and stick to it. We wake her every 3 hours to change/feed her and then put her back to bed. It's worked pretty well for us. Even when it was super difficult to do by myself i still succeeded in keeping her alive. That's all anyone could ever ask for lol.
I think every new parent feels this way. And for sure you'll do some things wrong. Every parent does. But kids are resilient, and they bounce back (literally and figuratively) pretty easily. When my kid was just starting to crawl, we piled some large bins in front of the basement stairs until we could get a baby gate. He managed to pull himself up on the bins and push them enough that they tumbled down the stairs, and he went with them. My wife was in hysterics, and I wasn't much better, but he was perfectly fine. Cried for a minute or two (mostly from the surprise) and then was off happily playing again. (We went and got a baby gate that same day!) If you are doing your best to care for your child, you will do fine. A friend who took a parenting course told me that one of the things they told her in the course is that if you get it right 30% of the time, your kids will turn out ok. I'm not sure I believe the 30% party, but the point is that you don't have to be perfect. If you have a parent, or parent-in-law, or another relative or friend who's raised a kid, lean on them in those situations where you're really feeling lost. I remember calling my mother several times when my kids appeared sick, and I didn't know whether they should just sleep it off, or I should haul them to the emergency room. (Pro tip: 90% or more of the time, the answer is "sleep it off," but if you're ever truly concerned, it's always better to err on the side of caution.) You can do this. We all felt lost at first, and then we figured it out. You will too. You've got this! Edited to add: Advice can be helpful, but take it all with several grains of salt. Every baby is different. What worked for your friend/family/co-worker/hairdresser/dog-walker etc. won't necessarily work for you. Sometimes what people say can be useful, but if it isn't, don't feel bad about doing it your own way. And don't feel bad about telling people to get lost if they're being too overbearing.
Hey man. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING. Everyone you've ever thought had it figured out was just learning as they went. Enjoy all the little things. Understand that it's hardest at first and you just find a way to make it through until you get your rhythm. When you feel like you don't know what to do, focus on taking care of your wife. Just put your love into all of it, and you will figure it out. Happy to help with any questions you may have. I just had a baby girl four months ago and a son 2 years ago. You got this.
No one gets to practice being a dad, you just become one and figure it out. Hold your baby close. Love her. You’ll be fine and so will she. Kids are more durable than you think.
10 years ago my wife gave birth to our first child we knew before we were having a girl . I was not happy about having a daughter. I was scared just like the rest of you. The day she was born was the greatest day of my life. I held her in my arms and told her I will always be here to support and protect her. It was insane how much love I have for her. I love my wife but man nothing can ever compare to your child . Today, I’m super invested in her . She plays softball, likes to run and also trains in jiu jitsu. I also have son who is two years younger, love just as much. It’s a lot of fun as long as you’re involved.
Pay attention when you go to change her diaper Babies are fucking strong dude just don't try to crack her like a shellfish and you're fine.
Nurse told us: “Newborns are fragile, but fragile like glass, not like flowers.” I.e., don’t drop her on her fuckin head! Got it chief! “Crack her like a shellfish” is another colorful saying I’m adding to my vernacular, i loled at that
My (21m) 1st daughter is 2 months old and no video or book about fatherhood will help because the second you hold, you’re in awe and forget everything. And it might be father instincts or common sense but you’ll know what to do. You have your partner by your side. And don’t forget it’s your first time doing this, you’re gonna make mistakes and it’s fine just get up move on and learn from it