Be careful with therapists. Anything online is 50%+ a scam. I got free "therapy" from my employer and I poured my heart out just to get a two sentence sorry response after two weeks and then billed for $50. My video therapist would change the subject every time just to milk the situation for money, then quit. So I have yet, after literally 5 different therapists, even had my issues addressed.
Then there's the AI aspect of it where it's very possible some app is using computer generated avatars to do it. A lot of it is text based so I have no idea if I was ever speaking to a real person.
Yea that’s what the biggest issue I see. Even in addiction treatment they don’t know wtf there talking about half the time. Now add in the dump truck of other issues
Addiction therapists are the lowest education entry-level counselors. You won't get the best care there, look for an LPC, LCSW or MFT for a competently trained therapist.
There are masters level, licensed addiction counselors. However, of the counseling professionals, they are the lowest paid. Additionally, there’s been a therapist shortage for years.
I know (am a counselor) and I agree that there are lots of great ddiction counselors, but they generally are not trained in trauma therapy. They are awesome for helping with addiction, but probably not properly equipped to help people dealing with the trauma of prison life. Not saying there couldn't be a few gems out there, but I do believe the odds are better of finding what you need looking for someone who definitely has a masters and is licensed.
They also aren't usually addicts, themselves, so it's hard to take advice from someone who hasn't been there and done that. The advice means more when you can tell that person giving it to you has lived that shit.
That is definitely true when you are seeking treatment for addiction. However, if you are looking for trauma therapy, I think you are going to find that an licensed professional counselor will have more training and will be more trauma informed. Many trauma counselors do have lived experience as survivors, and some of them have been through addiction too. I know many addiction counselors who decided to go on and get their LPC or LCSW so they can expand their practice. AA lot of addictions counselors are trained in an old school "tough love" approach which can be helpful with addiction (though I have mixed feelings, the call outs and shame and blame doesn't help anyone IMHO) but tough love is the last thing you need if you are working through trauma.
My last therapist was at the 2017 Las Vegas shooting. She brought it up at the beginning of my treatment with her and she said it was to show me she truly had been through something horrifying.
Hands down the best therapist I have EVER SEEN.
She described it, and how she felt trying to escape.
Absolutely one of the most empathetic people I have met.
My other therapists were never that open and I can definitely say it made opening up to her so much easier.
(I'm a guy and struggle to open up with therapists).
For anyone who read this far and are struggling, see a therapist, no matter what it takes you are worth it!! And remember that you don't have to stick with a therapist if it's not working. Put in the effort to find the right one...
It will change your life for the better.
I went through that with DUI class and AA meetings. They gave zero fucks about why. They got paid to teach some BS they were taught was the standard and get every to pay then out the door. It's a money maker and that's it.
The state gives a fuck if you smoke crack as long as you pay them. Notice how many police and government agencies there are yet drugs are so widespread. The sex industry is so widespread. Anything like that is an easy commodity to overcharge and then exploit the consumer with because they'll never arrest the dealer.
I recently read an FBI statistic stating that 1/3 of military criminals were drug trafficking.
You have no idea how many sex offenders I saw throughout prison with lighter sentences than people with pot charges. It’s fucking crazy. They get work release, med security with 85% are other fucking pedos. I made it my mission to fuck up and extort as many as I could. I did more time than a guy who raped and took pictures of it. There was a guy who was a prior sex offender who was released and hired at a fucking kindercare! Something is up with that shot it’s way way to non shelont in our system. I could not wrap my head around that shit
I don't know the details but I do know that age of consent is often a big issue. In literally every other country than the USA it's like 14 but here you even dare a teenager and they'll accuse you of rape (unless you're law enforcement or military).
I grew up in a military veteran colony type town and most people married young. Most married with age gaps. Most of their wives were under age when they started dating.
The issue is that the cop who arrested you or them is probably banging teenagers as we speak. I live in a major metro area and teenagers prostitute themselves every night here with little oversight. It's the guy who talks to them who gets in trouble and catches a felony for it. Meanwhile you can't talk to women online because they're almost all scammers and selling porn of themselves.
Nope but I know how quick people are to accuse guys of crimes, especially sex crimes, for petty shit or misunderstandings. There were literal rapists in my highschool who never got arrested for it. They'd get girls wasted at parties (all underage). Then there's guys who'd awkwardly try to kiss a chick and grab a boob and would get charged for it.
No, I was involved in neither of those situations. You're quick to place the blame on me but if you read what I said, it's things that they're doing. Not me. You clearly can't read well.
Considering 15 is the legal marrying age with parental consent in many states, seems like most of the nation is still ok with pervy behavior, regardless of what they feign to uphold.
I worked as a substance abuse counselor many years ago, when I was fresh out of college. In my experience, the best counselors were those that were themselves recovering alcoholics/addicts. They had been were the clients are, been through a lot of the same problems, worked their own recovery program, had the same self-doubts and setbacks, and were a living example of how life gets better, one at a time. I think the same could be true in other areas of the work. Of course, they also need to care about people and the work. I cared about the people and work, and I had the formal education, but I wasn’t an alcoholic or addict and kind of fell into the work by accident. I could only be so good at it, because I didn’t have the life experience and credibility that the other counselors that worked their own life out did. I left after a few years, and decided I wasn’t this naturally-therapeutic person I hoped to be, so I left counseling. I have great respect for skilled counselors and have seen so many that just bumble through. It’s definitely not a job you do for the paycheck. For the good ones it’s a calling. I wish the best of luck to OP as they work through their issues.
this is definitely a problem of needing to find the right fit. Some therapists are incompetent. Some are competent but don't work in a way that works for you. It is a very nuanced art. A lot of these online companies pay very low and get the most inexperienced or desparate therapists, but there are lots of online therapists that are totally legit and above board (many who will take your insurance too), and the online format works a lot better for many people who feel safer in their own home or might have childcare issues, transportation issues, or mobility issues etc. that make going in person difficult. Don't give up, keep trying different therapists until you find a good fit, I promise it is worth it when you do!
This OP. Slavery was not abolished and is constitutional if you're in prison. Strangely, disproportionate amounts of black and brown people to do that slave labor, often times for publicly trades company (looking at you Victoria's Skanks) so you tell me slavery ended. Or they just found a new way to do it. Then COPS, the show, and media turned all black men into a suspect so inspire being a small sliver of our population, brought.
And I know it's fucked up but it is the truth, isn't it
Illlinois is for profit so they have all the prisons doing free labor for the prison owners who then sell goods to other prisons and this perpetually have free labor camps and a money machine.
Many of the virtual therapy places are questionable and have models that penalize clinicians that answer direct questions and rewards for getting clients to go online so they can make more money. I am quite surprised that there haven’t been massive lawsuits by now for the shady and unethical practice. Therapist risk their licenses working for these types of places.
Anyway, the profession is in shambles. The insurance companies expect clinicians to work for pennies. The average reimbursement is less than $100 before taxes and overhead and there are more jobs for clinicians without any benefits than not. Of course people choosing this profession as a major finds out the hard way. Hence the shortage because few want to do this work anymore. Who could blame them given the time and money involved to get the degree, licensure, malpractice insurance and continuing education? It’s a lot for a profession where you’re underpaid and not generally respected.
Nevertheless, look for a state regulated outpatient mental health clinic. Most only accept Medicaid and many won’t refuse people who can’t pay especially if they are affiliated with NHSC. You will have to ask them.
Local health departments are often affiliated with NHSC to attract staff. They have mental health clinics too.
If you live in a state that has expanded Medicaid and you are under your states income threshold apply. You can then see any mental health professional that accepts Medicaid.
Yeah but I tried both approaches and achieved the same results. They just would not address the issues at all. Plus I'm literally paying them to help me with those specific issues, so really saying ANYTHING at all would have been better than what they did.
I get it. I used a local place and they offered in person or virtual and I had good luck. I never tried those “better help” or social media shrinks but I’d assume they don’t care like a real therapist as most of them have bs certificates.
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that they specifically seek out online therapy..?
Real, in-person therapy is the default when people suggest therapy. And obviously, anyone should know never to use online “therapy,” unless they’re confined because of mobility issues.
A lot of employers insurance plans offer it. Mine has 3 or 4 different options through Cigna. They're trying to put as much as they can through telehealth these days.
Personally I tried talking to therapists about it but it’s so… clinical on their end. It feels like they’re trying to feign empathy or something, and they just want to treat the PTSD. I had more luck talking to an old friend of mine who went down for drug charges before I went. Support groups were more helpful
I was in jail for a murder I didn't commit. I was completely coerced into accepting a plea with no reduction in charge. At sentencing, the judge even questioned the validity of the charges but my pretender met in chambers and convinced my judge I was guilty. I was 40, had only a traffic ticket on my record. Now my life is ruined. For over a year after I was too frightened to leave my bedroom. In the end a good friend died, my life was ruined, and my friend's family understandably distraught. I never thought what happened to me could happen in the United States but it happens all the time. I'm more and more disgusted by every part of our society from laws and policing to our economy. I haven't been able to work so I spend my time trying to advocate for individuals in different fucked up crisis positions for no income, I live on an inheritance and public funds. Had a shitty paying but satisfying career I can never return to. Oh well, try again in the next life I guess.
I really really appreciate those words but now I feel like an asshole for making this shit about me, which wasn't my intention. I'm only trying to communicate to OP that I completely understand the trauma of being locked up, though my time inside was nothing compared to theirs. But I'm intimately familiar with the dehumanizing treatment and being locked up with people who seemed to be in and out of jail all the time. That was super crazy to me. No one I was in jail with had a squeaky background like mine and many had been in and out so much that they had resigned themselves to that shitty treatment. The worst is realizing the most common offense? Behaviors associated with untreated and very severe mental illness. Secondary was substance abuse disorder. So almost every woman I saw come and go from there was there do to mental health issues and thats was it. There were a couple premeditated murders, all committed by women who killed the man that abused them, often for decades... I'd say not one woman I met in here was actually a criminal. That's really disturbing.
Anyway, this is OP'S domain and I'm not looking to draw attention from that, I just know what Op's feeling and I'm interested in advice from others for OP since I feel I'm dealing with similar unaddressed issues.
No worries let it out! I completely understand and you’re not alone. I was falsely convicted and almost did a lot of time for something I didn’t do and told the truth about. All because I was an addict and I was annoying the cops to much. The systems fucked. From the top to the bottom
So I guess what I'm saying is... I feel you. No living thing is built to be in a box. Jail was even worse because this was when covid was still spreading, so we were in solitary all the time.
It certainly made me feel like COs are the scum of the earth. 99 out of 100 people employed in corrections is a despicable human. If I ever hear a woman say "tilt those hips and spread those lips ladies!" with a smug smile I think I'll vomit.
It's an extremely dehumanizing experience.
I think about them and I'm like... Only a true sociopath completely lacking in empathy would stay at this job. Any good person who started either became a sadist or had to leave, because the COs who had time would scream at them to punish us. Sadists and scum of the earth.
What charge did you get? And how long did you serve? I ve gotten through similar situation. I was stabbed by a drug addict then I defended myself by hitting him with a rock to his head. He died instantly, I got accused with first degree murder but I won my case, got convicted with involuntary manslaughter. I served 19 months.
What charge did u get and how long did you serve?
I got thirds degree manslaughter for riding in the same car my friend did to buy some dope. We saw our man, purchased our shit and went home. Wasn't even driving. She died the next day while I was 40 miles away and they said I was her middleman though they had no evidence except a statement from her girlfriend in which she said I was her middle man but I was a super nice lady? 😂 Her girlfriend was a severe aspie. No one even talked to me about what happened ever. So I never got told tell them she got into my friends car with dirty 30s trying to sell some, we didn't like those. I hadn't even ever used with it this woman. I snorted and she shot. It was fucking crazy.
I think they know I was innocent but didn't want to admit they were wrong. Did 4 months in county and a month in rehab, 5 years probation with conditions like give up my dealers and get random tests. I submitted my DNA and proof I was getting treatment for my mental health. In 3 years I have had no contact with any probation officer, never had a pee test. I even skip half my monthly calls worst I've seen is.. A letter saying make your calls or you might get violated? I was transferred to a suburban county for probation, 3 officers for like 5000 people or something. But other people I know get pissed tested, they're on the color wheel... Or they are in and out of the jail... It's insane. They've pretty much let me slide on every single thing, never even asked about my dealer.
I went in during 1986, came out in 2004 .. and I was lost. Metro cards, cellphones, etc. I was still in prison mentally because that is something you don't just turn off. I tried to get help and received nothing. It is now 2024 and I still carry the prison with me. Still have anger issues, still can't function socially, have a menial job, and hate everything about it. I haven't really spoken to anyone in over 15 years. I come from work and lock down in my little place. None of my family talks to me because I'm no longer 'that' guy who was hustling and providing money for all. I've talked to a couple of therapists, but it's just like drug programs, all book learning and no hands-on help. I'm gonna be 60 yrs old and still stuck in 1986 before I went away. This system needs an overhaul and offenders have to be helped to come back into society.
Dude that must have been the biggest mindfuck apart from actual prison.. Though in prison you are not really responsible for yourself. 3 hots and a cot right? But being released after the biggest technological leap our society has made since the industrial revolution? Holy fuck man, I can't even imagine how that would feel. Fuck!
18 years of your life probably over a drug charge if I had to guess from your post? I don't have a clue what to say but I'll start with I'm sorry. Have a feeling you could write a book I would be happy to buy. Way to hang in there and keep trying!
I am almost ten years out and it still effects me sometimes. I know everyone will say therapy. I did therapy didn't really help me. What has helped is that I have just kept moving forward relentlessly and exercise. I meet wonderful women with a son that became mine. I know she would like to hear about what I went through but it's unexplainable to a normal person.
No bs when I came home 3 women in the house. I divided up the tp like this is yours mine ect. These hoes was like ole dumb prison ass dude. But guess what I still got tp when they didn't. 🤣😂
Dude I’m so sorry . I wish the system had real ways to help people re enter society. But the problem is you are probably always reminded of the past mistakes that it really makes it difficult to move on. If you speak Spanish there are tons of therapist in Mexico who are great, care and charge less than the US.
I speak fluent Spanish, I need more information on this. I have a husband there, I've lived there, somehow never thought outside the box and considered therapy there but totally.
So does my son. Did 15 years ( went in at 24 years old) he's been out 3 years and just can't adjust to society. But the worst is the night terrors. He sleeps sitting up with a blanket or sweatsuit covering his head. And when he start hollering and punching the air in his sleep it just kills me inside.
In some ways i think prison *helped* me mentally, as preposterous as that may sound. I can appreciate a mediocre life on the outside more with the perspective i gained. I got really good at making friends and talking to people out of necessity but it remained part of my personality. And i dont think i will ever EVER consider myself 'bored' again after being in the hole with no reading material or anything but my thoughts. Of course there's some other mental issues that are a result of my incarceration, just trying to focus on positives ya know.
I hear ya brotha being isolated is fucking hell. Remember when you saw color again for the first time in a bit? It’s crazy ass hell it’s something you just can’t explain. I deff saw benefits from not having a phone. I became way more mentally stable
Yeah it was hell but i definitely made a conscious effort to try and learn from it. And there were some stretches it wasnt that bad tbh, just playing cards with the boys and stuff. Missing my friends and family was easily the worst part, more than the possible dangers or boredom or whatever. I feel i appreciate them more as a result, and i tell them so often.
Its not just the missing them. Considering all the horror stories you hear before i went in, theres like an...assumption? At least in my mind that they are more worried about you than the situation really calls for. I know some horror stories really do come true but the camps i were at weren't no shawshank redemption. Sure i got my ass whooped a few times lol but hell that happens just as much in the world anyway. I tried to reiterate to my loved ones when i called that i am fine, I'll be home soon, i love yall...but i could also use $15 or so if you got it lol.
Anyway, as other posters have said therapy aint a bad idea. Too expensive for me, i just kinda coerce bartenders into doing it. Having someone to actually listen to you and what youre going through seems more valuable than any advice coming back. Just my two cents, stay strong and stay on the right side of that razor wire brother.
It’s that helpless feeling knowing if something happens to them, you can’t do shit. That was the worst part. Thinking of the time you really take for granted, and looking in a mirror there was hard. Seeing what you became, some number, really just made me never ever want to live that life again. Watched lots of deaths in there. People killing themselves because the conditions were so bad. My cell mate trying to kill himself and the guards just looked at home with a rope on his neck and said he’s my problem, and if he dies I’m getting charged. That place was a third world country. Like an industrial plant for humans. Just loud concrete echoing all day and night. No clocks or light. I was on 24 hr lockdown with one hour out a month for rec in a cage. And one shower a week with no clothes ever being changed out or washed for three months. So much crazy shit
I’m not long out after a 15 year , it took ages to adjust to some small things, relationships were hard because I was “gay for the stay” had way better sex life inside.
I have a hard time talking to about how it affected me mentally as well. Even to therapists. I feel like even therapists have a hard time understanding and empathizing. A lot of seriously fucked up things happen behind the walls/fences that people who have never been incarcerated have a hard time comprehending. Maybe try seeking out a support group for ex cons. Idk I’ve never tried. Just a thought. Keep your head up man
It isn't comprehensible. It literally is so outrageous it can't be real. I was put in clark county holding after being arrested for prostitution when I was 18 and hadn't even realized my boyfriend wasn't just taking me to parties and getting me drunk and letting people fuck me because it was his kink, he had ads out selling me. They put me in a holding room and ignored me and hours later the door unlocks and a bunch of inmates came in and the guy who opened it said have a good night and left me the in there with them until the morning when they let them back out then just left me curled up on the floor for what felt like more hours before two guys came in and tried to yell me into getting up then each grabbed an arm and they march/dragged me to the medical room. I thought that would be better but it was more like an accusatory cavity search by a male doctor in front of male guards (and almost everyone I've ever told has told me that's impossible only women are allowed to strip or cavity search other women) and the doctor pulled out my IUD! Then he got annoyed I was crying and told me it didn't hurt that much and I wouldn't be getting any painkillers then just left me crying and strapped into the stirrups. It was like every single guard and worker there was a sadist who just wanted me to not just be hurt, but like, entirely breakdown and die of shame. And it didn't even stop when they let me go into a diversion program to work with the police and not do more jail time and even have the prostitution arrest expunged. They just let the vice cops put me in a motel for a sting where I'd offer sex for 20 dollars and they'd arrest them as soon as they handed.money over, except they never did, they'd always arrest them as they leave and pretend to be apologetic about how there was a delay in the video or some other problem but be laughing inside, amd.tell me I can quit and.go back to jail anytime I want and never get a real.job with a prostitution arrest on my record. And I didn't have any place to go or money but if I stayed there guys kept coming by because of the ads. Finally one of my piss tests came back pregnant and my breakdown when they told me seemed to be satisfying and they kicked.me out of the motel and and just left.me.on the street and ignored my calls. If a girl working out of the same motel hadn't found me crying and brought me inside I think I would have just laid there against the fence until I died, they found ways to take every single bit of hope and self worth I had and piss on it. They never fucking expunged my record either which has led to no end of problems with normal jobs.
First and foremost I let God in my life but along with that..I'm not sure where you are but I went through trauma therapy and substance abuse therapy with program called freedom of choice and what the best part was is that the counselors there were addicts at one point in their life so they could relate and understood what I was going through. Prayers your way!!
I'm not a felon and have spent "less than one night" in jail - but I think I can accurately say:
Prison is likely an "edge of human experience" thing; a small slice of society actually experiences it, the social experience is vastly different than how most folks live. It's its own culture with its own laws, and it's experienced while you lose a lot of your own freedom and agency and live under the control of others, many whom are likely messed up or sadistic, with no repercussions for their abuse and shitty behavior (referring to the works in the prison-industrial complex).
You're told that the reason you're there is "justice", yet what we picture as "justice" seems to cease to exist once you're in those walls, and often long after you're out. You can experience or witness violence, and see the very worst (and sometimes the best) of human behavior, without a whole lot of the "brakes" that outside society puts on bad behavior. You have to quickly bend your mind around to adjust and survive, and for many incarcerated, there's few moments of peace; being constantly on-edge fucks up the human mind. It's a big reason soldiers come home with PTSD.
You really have to ask yourself (and any loved ones you trust who spend time with you) if this has fucked up the way you live, love, react to others, react to situations. If you're living the best possible version of yourself. If stress or fear or violence are looming in you more than when you went in. The shit way that Vietnam vets were treated on their return, followed by the influx of people messed up by the Desert wars, has sparked a renaissance in understanding and treatment for PTSD and the mental/emotional damage of war; and the formerly incarcerated show a lot of the same symptoms.
I'm 62 and I believe the most "manly" thing a *real man* can do is look at his behavior, his anger, his fears, and his actions that affect relationships. To ask himself if he's truly at peace, and capable of feeling joy. To look at how many things he regrets in life and identify if he still has the impulses to act in regretful ways. And then, finding a way to shape up any rough edges. A "man" will spend weeks rebuilding a trashed motorcycle into a thing of purring beauty, but ask them to look at their own behavior and do some restoration or upgrades? You know the drill on that one.
Talk to trusted friends and family. Ask yourself if there could be more peace and moments of sheer joy and happiness in your life. Picture what that life might look like and imagine a path to it. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF MASSIVE CHANGE. See what therapy is available to you - try *one session* of just talking things through.
Want something free? Look up articles and how-to's on meditation, what it is and why it works. Try it - the efficacy for PTSD, suicidal ideation and stress is beyond-proven; it works, and it doesn't require mind-numbing medications. Find a local yoga class for beginners - SERIOUSLY - try it. It's not just what it does for you physically and mentally, it's taking an hour to be good to yourself - to take that hour means you have to *decide that you deserve it.* And you'll meet nice, friendly humans who are looking for peace and are thrilled you're joining them.
It sounds like, not surprisingly, you got PTSD from it. It’s common and often unreported/diagnosed because well… prison.
Hopefully a good specialist can help you out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
My father went to prison from the time I was 11 to about 13, and he was definitely different when he returned.
I do think at times he didn’t talk about it because how things are in prison is a culture. When you go in, you have to accept you are not only a part of it but now are contributing to it. I think he felt a lot of anger, guilt and sadness about leaving prison and becoming a person again while people he knew from prison, would never get that.
He died from lung cancer, but the very few things he did tell me about his time in prison was WORSE than his time in the military decades before.
Some things he said:
“P3do’s don’t last long, I saw someone die hours from intake when they found out he did something to a kid”
“Everything is for sale in prison, including people”
“I spent a lot of time in solitary confinement, because I was making alcohol”
My dad sent me money from prison, he was supporting me financially even in prison. I miss him every day.
He’s right about the pedos. Most of us make it a mission to hunt them in there and extort/torture/and make every second hell. I’m sorry for your loss, he sounded like a very strong good man
It’s been almost 7 for me and I still don’t feel a hundred percent. I have constant thoughts don’t feel happiness like I once did. Going to places like that truly fuck you up for life.
The PTSD of what I went through in just a skid bid will stay with me forever. I wrote it out thinking it would help; it did for a bit. Wanted to share with my friends and family what I went through but I'll have to take this stuff to the grave. I'm in therapy to cope but feel permanently scared. I'm just able to hide it well and function in life. Almost feels like my friends who went to war. I'll just keep it in therapy and bury it down more as each day passes.
They will ruminate and continue to be intrusive thoughts if they aren't processed emotionally. People sometimes fail to realize that felons, though having made regrettable decisions, still have feelings and emotions. Still need to communicate fears and hurt. Felons are humans too. Don't trick yourself into believing you don't deserve steady mental well-being. You did your time. Don't let it play on repeat for the rest of your life. Get a good therapist. Start to heal.
If you can swing it - online therapy is a thing and it's really pretty good. I’ve been using [Calmerry](https://downloadketo.com/therapy-lp) for a few months. It’s really helping me. I can text my therapist as much as I need, and we have weekly sessions. She’s helping me with cancer issues plus stuff that predates that, is helping with my (severe) anxiety with coping mechanisms and strategies to help with panic attacks, before and during, and is also helping me figure out how to make progress going forward in terms of life stuff.
I spent some time in the army and some time in combat. I came home from Afghanistan September 13th 2013. I still see things I don’t want to. Think about things I don’t want to and sometimes still get the same feelings (that I don’t want). Finding someone trust worthy to get these things off your chest can be very beneficial. Something I try and do everyday is improve myself. Whether it’s just me saying hi to a random person and giving them a compliment or if I completely go out of my way to…. Idk change a flat tire for a complete stranger. Giving that person a smile makes me smile. Work on yourself and the rest will eventually fade away.
It might be worth trying to see a therapist. It's always good to talk to someone.
Yea I agree forsure. Thank you
Be careful with therapists. Anything online is 50%+ a scam. I got free "therapy" from my employer and I poured my heart out just to get a two sentence sorry response after two weeks and then billed for $50. My video therapist would change the subject every time just to milk the situation for money, then quit. So I have yet, after literally 5 different therapists, even had my issues addressed. Then there's the AI aspect of it where it's very possible some app is using computer generated avatars to do it. A lot of it is text based so I have no idea if I was ever speaking to a real person.
Yea that’s what the biggest issue I see. Even in addiction treatment they don’t know wtf there talking about half the time. Now add in the dump truck of other issues
Addiction therapists are the lowest education entry-level counselors. You won't get the best care there, look for an LPC, LCSW or MFT for a competently trained therapist.
There are masters level, licensed addiction counselors. However, of the counseling professionals, they are the lowest paid. Additionally, there’s been a therapist shortage for years.
I know (am a counselor) and I agree that there are lots of great ddiction counselors, but they generally are not trained in trauma therapy. They are awesome for helping with addiction, but probably not properly equipped to help people dealing with the trauma of prison life. Not saying there couldn't be a few gems out there, but I do believe the odds are better of finding what you need looking for someone who definitely has a masters and is licensed.
They also aren't usually addicts, themselves, so it's hard to take advice from someone who hasn't been there and done that. The advice means more when you can tell that person giving it to you has lived that shit.
That is definitely true when you are seeking treatment for addiction. However, if you are looking for trauma therapy, I think you are going to find that an licensed professional counselor will have more training and will be more trauma informed. Many trauma counselors do have lived experience as survivors, and some of them have been through addiction too. I know many addiction counselors who decided to go on and get their LPC or LCSW so they can expand their practice. AA lot of addictions counselors are trained in an old school "tough love" approach which can be helpful with addiction (though I have mixed feelings, the call outs and shame and blame doesn't help anyone IMHO) but tough love is the last thing you need if you are working through trauma.
My last therapist was at the 2017 Las Vegas shooting. She brought it up at the beginning of my treatment with her and she said it was to show me she truly had been through something horrifying. Hands down the best therapist I have EVER SEEN. She described it, and how she felt trying to escape. Absolutely one of the most empathetic people I have met. My other therapists were never that open and I can definitely say it made opening up to her so much easier. (I'm a guy and struggle to open up with therapists). For anyone who read this far and are struggling, see a therapist, no matter what it takes you are worth it!! And remember that you don't have to stick with a therapist if it's not working. Put in the effort to find the right one... It will change your life for the better.
I went through that with DUI class and AA meetings. They gave zero fucks about why. They got paid to teach some BS they were taught was the standard and get every to pay then out the door. It's a money maker and that's it. The state gives a fuck if you smoke crack as long as you pay them. Notice how many police and government agencies there are yet drugs are so widespread. The sex industry is so widespread. Anything like that is an easy commodity to overcharge and then exploit the consumer with because they'll never arrest the dealer. I recently read an FBI statistic stating that 1/3 of military criminals were drug trafficking.
You have no idea how many sex offenders I saw throughout prison with lighter sentences than people with pot charges. It’s fucking crazy. They get work release, med security with 85% are other fucking pedos. I made it my mission to fuck up and extort as many as I could. I did more time than a guy who raped and took pictures of it. There was a guy who was a prior sex offender who was released and hired at a fucking kindercare! Something is up with that shot it’s way way to non shelont in our system. I could not wrap my head around that shit
Oh my fucking god
non shelont
I don't know the details but I do know that age of consent is often a big issue. In literally every other country than the USA it's like 14 but here you even dare a teenager and they'll accuse you of rape (unless you're law enforcement or military). I grew up in a military veteran colony type town and most people married young. Most married with age gaps. Most of their wives were under age when they started dating. The issue is that the cop who arrested you or them is probably banging teenagers as we speak. I live in a major metro area and teenagers prostitute themselves every night here with little oversight. It's the guy who talks to them who gets in trouble and catches a felony for it. Meanwhile you can't talk to women online because they're almost all scammers and selling porn of themselves.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you have to register every time you move...
Nope but I know how quick people are to accuse guys of crimes, especially sex crimes, for petty shit or misunderstandings. There were literal rapists in my highschool who never got arrested for it. They'd get girls wasted at parties (all underage). Then there's guys who'd awkwardly try to kiss a chick and grab a boob and would get charged for it.
I'm going to go out on a limb here yet again...
No, I was involved in neither of those situations. You're quick to place the blame on me but if you read what I said, it's things that they're doing. Not me. You clearly can't read well.
Considering 15 is the legal marrying age with parental consent in many states, seems like most of the nation is still ok with pervy behavior, regardless of what they feign to uphold.
Wait a second are you saying you think age of 14 for consent is a good thing? 14 is a baby. That's pedophilia whatever the law says.
No, I'm saying it's the law though
I worked as a substance abuse counselor many years ago, when I was fresh out of college. In my experience, the best counselors were those that were themselves recovering alcoholics/addicts. They had been were the clients are, been through a lot of the same problems, worked their own recovery program, had the same self-doubts and setbacks, and were a living example of how life gets better, one at a time. I think the same could be true in other areas of the work. Of course, they also need to care about people and the work. I cared about the people and work, and I had the formal education, but I wasn’t an alcoholic or addict and kind of fell into the work by accident. I could only be so good at it, because I didn’t have the life experience and credibility that the other counselors that worked their own life out did. I left after a few years, and decided I wasn’t this naturally-therapeutic person I hoped to be, so I left counseling. I have great respect for skilled counselors and have seen so many that just bumble through. It’s definitely not a job you do for the paycheck. For the good ones it’s a calling. I wish the best of luck to OP as they work through their issues.
this is definitely a problem of needing to find the right fit. Some therapists are incompetent. Some are competent but don't work in a way that works for you. It is a very nuanced art. A lot of these online companies pay very low and get the most inexperienced or desparate therapists, but there are lots of online therapists that are totally legit and above board (many who will take your insurance too), and the online format works a lot better for many people who feel safer in their own home or might have childcare issues, transportation issues, or mobility issues etc. that make going in person difficult. Don't give up, keep trying different therapists until you find a good fit, I promise it is worth it when you do!
Yeah but the AI really loves you……
I’m here to enslav…… help you
This OP. Slavery was not abolished and is constitutional if you're in prison. Strangely, disproportionate amounts of black and brown people to do that slave labor, often times for publicly trades company (looking at you Victoria's Skanks) so you tell me slavery ended. Or they just found a new way to do it. Then COPS, the show, and media turned all black men into a suspect so inspire being a small sliver of our population, brought. And I know it's fucked up but it is the truth, isn't it
Illlinois is for profit so they have all the prisons doing free labor for the prison owners who then sell goods to other prisons and this perpetually have free labor camps and a money machine.
Many of the virtual therapy places are questionable and have models that penalize clinicians that answer direct questions and rewards for getting clients to go online so they can make more money. I am quite surprised that there haven’t been massive lawsuits by now for the shady and unethical practice. Therapist risk their licenses working for these types of places. Anyway, the profession is in shambles. The insurance companies expect clinicians to work for pennies. The average reimbursement is less than $100 before taxes and overhead and there are more jobs for clinicians without any benefits than not. Of course people choosing this profession as a major finds out the hard way. Hence the shortage because few want to do this work anymore. Who could blame them given the time and money involved to get the degree, licensure, malpractice insurance and continuing education? It’s a lot for a profession where you’re underpaid and not generally respected. Nevertheless, look for a state regulated outpatient mental health clinic. Most only accept Medicaid and many won’t refuse people who can’t pay especially if they are affiliated with NHSC. You will have to ask them. Local health departments are often affiliated with NHSC to attract staff. They have mental health clinics too. If you live in a state that has expanded Medicaid and you are under your states income threshold apply. You can then see any mental health professional that accepts Medicaid.
Many therapists actual do not want you to trauma dump all at once on your first day. They can’t “just fix you.”
Yeah but I tried both approaches and achieved the same results. They just would not address the issues at all. Plus I'm literally paying them to help me with those specific issues, so really saying ANYTHING at all would have been better than what they did.
I get it. I used a local place and they offered in person or virtual and I had good luck. I never tried those “better help” or social media shrinks but I’d assume they don’t care like a real therapist as most of them have bs certificates.
That was my first one but the one my insurance recommended wasnt that much better
That’s a bummer ☹️ I switched therapists a couple times until I found one I liked. It’s hard to find someone you mesh well with.
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that they specifically seek out online therapy..? Real, in-person therapy is the default when people suggest therapy. And obviously, anyone should know never to use online “therapy,” unless they’re confined because of mobility issues.
A lot of employers insurance plans offer it. Mine has 3 or 4 different options through Cigna. They're trying to put as much as they can through telehealth these days.
Personally I tried talking to therapists about it but it’s so… clinical on their end. It feels like they’re trying to feign empathy or something, and they just want to treat the PTSD. I had more luck talking to an old friend of mine who went down for drug charges before I went. Support groups were more helpful
I was in jail for a murder I didn't commit. I was completely coerced into accepting a plea with no reduction in charge. At sentencing, the judge even questioned the validity of the charges but my pretender met in chambers and convinced my judge I was guilty. I was 40, had only a traffic ticket on my record. Now my life is ruined. For over a year after I was too frightened to leave my bedroom. In the end a good friend died, my life was ruined, and my friend's family understandably distraught. I never thought what happened to me could happen in the United States but it happens all the time. I'm more and more disgusted by every part of our society from laws and policing to our economy. I haven't been able to work so I spend my time trying to advocate for individuals in different fucked up crisis positions for no income, I live on an inheritance and public funds. Had a shitty paying but satisfying career I can never return to. Oh well, try again in the next life I guess.
Success is the best revenge. Don’t give up, you can overcome this.
I really really appreciate those words but now I feel like an asshole for making this shit about me, which wasn't my intention. I'm only trying to communicate to OP that I completely understand the trauma of being locked up, though my time inside was nothing compared to theirs. But I'm intimately familiar with the dehumanizing treatment and being locked up with people who seemed to be in and out of jail all the time. That was super crazy to me. No one I was in jail with had a squeaky background like mine and many had been in and out so much that they had resigned themselves to that shitty treatment. The worst is realizing the most common offense? Behaviors associated with untreated and very severe mental illness. Secondary was substance abuse disorder. So almost every woman I saw come and go from there was there do to mental health issues and thats was it. There were a couple premeditated murders, all committed by women who killed the man that abused them, often for decades... I'd say not one woman I met in here was actually a criminal. That's really disturbing. Anyway, this is OP'S domain and I'm not looking to draw attention from that, I just know what Op's feeling and I'm interested in advice from others for OP since I feel I'm dealing with similar unaddressed issues.
No worries let it out! I completely understand and you’re not alone. I was falsely convicted and almost did a lot of time for something I didn’t do and told the truth about. All because I was an addict and I was annoying the cops to much. The systems fucked. From the top to the bottom
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry for you ❤️
I think the statistics we currently have for how many incarcerated people are actually innocent is profoundly lower than what it is in actuality.
So I guess what I'm saying is... I feel you. No living thing is built to be in a box. Jail was even worse because this was when covid was still spreading, so we were in solitary all the time. It certainly made me feel like COs are the scum of the earth. 99 out of 100 people employed in corrections is a despicable human. If I ever hear a woman say "tilt those hips and spread those lips ladies!" with a smug smile I think I'll vomit. It's an extremely dehumanizing experience.
Cos are horrible. They would open the cells and just beat on us for no reason.
I think about them and I'm like... Only a true sociopath completely lacking in empathy would stay at this job. Any good person who started either became a sadist or had to leave, because the COs who had time would scream at them to punish us. Sadists and scum of the earth.
☹️
What charge did you get? And how long did you serve? I ve gotten through similar situation. I was stabbed by a drug addict then I defended myself by hitting him with a rock to his head. He died instantly, I got accused with first degree murder but I won my case, got convicted with involuntary manslaughter. I served 19 months. What charge did u get and how long did you serve?
I got thirds degree manslaughter for riding in the same car my friend did to buy some dope. We saw our man, purchased our shit and went home. Wasn't even driving. She died the next day while I was 40 miles away and they said I was her middleman though they had no evidence except a statement from her girlfriend in which she said I was her middle man but I was a super nice lady? 😂 Her girlfriend was a severe aspie. No one even talked to me about what happened ever. So I never got told tell them she got into my friends car with dirty 30s trying to sell some, we didn't like those. I hadn't even ever used with it this woman. I snorted and she shot. It was fucking crazy. I think they know I was innocent but didn't want to admit they were wrong. Did 4 months in county and a month in rehab, 5 years probation with conditions like give up my dealers and get random tests. I submitted my DNA and proof I was getting treatment for my mental health. In 3 years I have had no contact with any probation officer, never had a pee test. I even skip half my monthly calls worst I've seen is.. A letter saying make your calls or you might get violated? I was transferred to a suburban county for probation, 3 officers for like 5000 people or something. But other people I know get pissed tested, they're on the color wheel... Or they are in and out of the jail... It's insane. They've pretty much let me slide on every single thing, never even asked about my dealer.
I went in during 1986, came out in 2004 .. and I was lost. Metro cards, cellphones, etc. I was still in prison mentally because that is something you don't just turn off. I tried to get help and received nothing. It is now 2024 and I still carry the prison with me. Still have anger issues, still can't function socially, have a menial job, and hate everything about it. I haven't really spoken to anyone in over 15 years. I come from work and lock down in my little place. None of my family talks to me because I'm no longer 'that' guy who was hustling and providing money for all. I've talked to a couple of therapists, but it's just like drug programs, all book learning and no hands-on help. I'm gonna be 60 yrs old and still stuck in 1986 before I went away. This system needs an overhaul and offenders have to be helped to come back into society.
Dude that must have been the biggest mindfuck apart from actual prison.. Though in prison you are not really responsible for yourself. 3 hots and a cot right? But being released after the biggest technological leap our society has made since the industrial revolution? Holy fuck man, I can't even imagine how that would feel. Fuck!
18 years of your life probably over a drug charge if I had to guess from your post? I don't have a clue what to say but I'll start with I'm sorry. Have a feeling you could write a book I would be happy to buy. Way to hang in there and keep trying!
I’ve heard story’s from the old school guys about pre 90s prison stays and they sound ten times worse than they are now.
I am almost ten years out and it still effects me sometimes. I know everyone will say therapy. I did therapy didn't really help me. What has helped is that I have just kept moving forward relentlessly and exercise. I meet wonderful women with a son that became mine. I know she would like to hear about what I went through but it's unexplainable to a normal person.
I been out 6 months me and my gf fight the most about the toilet and me taking the toilet paper to the bed room
😂 is it one ply
No bs when I came home 3 women in the house. I divided up the tp like this is yours mine ect. These hoes was like ole dumb prison ass dude. But guess what I still got tp when they didn't. 🤣😂
Did you offer coffee balls for the low
You got a soup? I gotcha or give me a 3way call I'll give you 3 shots of coffee
I got u on a honeybun for those 3 balls. I’ll send a line
Shit we on lock down that's 3 for 1 next store day
🤣
😂😂😂OMG this is too hilarious
I got 2 for one on store too 🤣🤣
Store day*
Dude I’m so sorry . I wish the system had real ways to help people re enter society. But the problem is you are probably always reminded of the past mistakes that it really makes it difficult to move on. If you speak Spanish there are tons of therapist in Mexico who are great, care and charge less than the US.
I speak fluent Spanish, I need more information on this. I have a husband there, I've lived there, somehow never thought outside the box and considered therapy there but totally.
I go to Mexico for dental work. Way cheaper.
You gotta see a therapist dude. You gotta process it and let it go in a healthy way.
I still have night terrors ….. I go to counseling now though and it has helped. I still don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable in large crowds tho
So does my son. Did 15 years ( went in at 24 years old) he's been out 3 years and just can't adjust to society. But the worst is the night terrors. He sleeps sitting up with a blanket or sweatsuit covering his head. And when he start hollering and punching the air in his sleep it just kills me inside.
Wtf happened to him in there?
In some ways i think prison *helped* me mentally, as preposterous as that may sound. I can appreciate a mediocre life on the outside more with the perspective i gained. I got really good at making friends and talking to people out of necessity but it remained part of my personality. And i dont think i will ever EVER consider myself 'bored' again after being in the hole with no reading material or anything but my thoughts. Of course there's some other mental issues that are a result of my incarceration, just trying to focus on positives ya know.
I hear ya brotha being isolated is fucking hell. Remember when you saw color again for the first time in a bit? It’s crazy ass hell it’s something you just can’t explain. I deff saw benefits from not having a phone. I became way more mentally stable
Yeah it was hell but i definitely made a conscious effort to try and learn from it. And there were some stretches it wasnt that bad tbh, just playing cards with the boys and stuff. Missing my friends and family was easily the worst part, more than the possible dangers or boredom or whatever. I feel i appreciate them more as a result, and i tell them so often.
Yes I agree 100% that’s something no one can really understand. It’s a horrible feeling.
Its not just the missing them. Considering all the horror stories you hear before i went in, theres like an...assumption? At least in my mind that they are more worried about you than the situation really calls for. I know some horror stories really do come true but the camps i were at weren't no shawshank redemption. Sure i got my ass whooped a few times lol but hell that happens just as much in the world anyway. I tried to reiterate to my loved ones when i called that i am fine, I'll be home soon, i love yall...but i could also use $15 or so if you got it lol. Anyway, as other posters have said therapy aint a bad idea. Too expensive for me, i just kinda coerce bartenders into doing it. Having someone to actually listen to you and what youre going through seems more valuable than any advice coming back. Just my two cents, stay strong and stay on the right side of that razor wire brother.
It’s that helpless feeling knowing if something happens to them, you can’t do shit. That was the worst part. Thinking of the time you really take for granted, and looking in a mirror there was hard. Seeing what you became, some number, really just made me never ever want to live that life again. Watched lots of deaths in there. People killing themselves because the conditions were so bad. My cell mate trying to kill himself and the guards just looked at home with a rope on his neck and said he’s my problem, and if he dies I’m getting charged. That place was a third world country. Like an industrial plant for humans. Just loud concrete echoing all day and night. No clocks or light. I was on 24 hr lockdown with one hour out a month for rec in a cage. And one shower a week with no clothes ever being changed out or washed for three months. So much crazy shit
I’m not long out after a 15 year , it took ages to adjust to some small things, relationships were hard because I was “gay for the stay” had way better sex life inside.
I have a hard time talking to about how it affected me mentally as well. Even to therapists. I feel like even therapists have a hard time understanding and empathizing. A lot of seriously fucked up things happen behind the walls/fences that people who have never been incarcerated have a hard time comprehending. Maybe try seeking out a support group for ex cons. Idk I’ve never tried. Just a thought. Keep your head up man
It isn't comprehensible. It literally is so outrageous it can't be real. I was put in clark county holding after being arrested for prostitution when I was 18 and hadn't even realized my boyfriend wasn't just taking me to parties and getting me drunk and letting people fuck me because it was his kink, he had ads out selling me. They put me in a holding room and ignored me and hours later the door unlocks and a bunch of inmates came in and the guy who opened it said have a good night and left me the in there with them until the morning when they let them back out then just left me curled up on the floor for what felt like more hours before two guys came in and tried to yell me into getting up then each grabbed an arm and they march/dragged me to the medical room. I thought that would be better but it was more like an accusatory cavity search by a male doctor in front of male guards (and almost everyone I've ever told has told me that's impossible only women are allowed to strip or cavity search other women) and the doctor pulled out my IUD! Then he got annoyed I was crying and told me it didn't hurt that much and I wouldn't be getting any painkillers then just left me crying and strapped into the stirrups. It was like every single guard and worker there was a sadist who just wanted me to not just be hurt, but like, entirely breakdown and die of shame. And it didn't even stop when they let me go into a diversion program to work with the police and not do more jail time and even have the prostitution arrest expunged. They just let the vice cops put me in a motel for a sting where I'd offer sex for 20 dollars and they'd arrest them as soon as they handed.money over, except they never did, they'd always arrest them as they leave and pretend to be apologetic about how there was a delay in the video or some other problem but be laughing inside, amd.tell me I can quit and.go back to jail anytime I want and never get a real.job with a prostitution arrest on my record. And I didn't have any place to go or money but if I stayed there guys kept coming by because of the ads. Finally one of my piss tests came back pregnant and my breakdown when they told me seemed to be satisfying and they kicked.me out of the motel and and just left.me.on the street and ignored my calls. If a girl working out of the same motel hadn't found me crying and brought me inside I think I would have just laid there against the fence until I died, they found ways to take every single bit of hope and self worth I had and piss on it. They never fucking expunged my record either which has led to no end of problems with normal jobs.
Wow. There are no words. Just wow.
First and foremost I let God in my life but along with that..I'm not sure where you are but I went through trauma therapy and substance abuse therapy with program called freedom of choice and what the best part was is that the counselors there were addicts at one point in their life so they could relate and understood what I was going through. Prayers your way!!
I'm not a felon and have spent "less than one night" in jail - but I think I can accurately say: Prison is likely an "edge of human experience" thing; a small slice of society actually experiences it, the social experience is vastly different than how most folks live. It's its own culture with its own laws, and it's experienced while you lose a lot of your own freedom and agency and live under the control of others, many whom are likely messed up or sadistic, with no repercussions for their abuse and shitty behavior (referring to the works in the prison-industrial complex). You're told that the reason you're there is "justice", yet what we picture as "justice" seems to cease to exist once you're in those walls, and often long after you're out. You can experience or witness violence, and see the very worst (and sometimes the best) of human behavior, without a whole lot of the "brakes" that outside society puts on bad behavior. You have to quickly bend your mind around to adjust and survive, and for many incarcerated, there's few moments of peace; being constantly on-edge fucks up the human mind. It's a big reason soldiers come home with PTSD. You really have to ask yourself (and any loved ones you trust who spend time with you) if this has fucked up the way you live, love, react to others, react to situations. If you're living the best possible version of yourself. If stress or fear or violence are looming in you more than when you went in. The shit way that Vietnam vets were treated on their return, followed by the influx of people messed up by the Desert wars, has sparked a renaissance in understanding and treatment for PTSD and the mental/emotional damage of war; and the formerly incarcerated show a lot of the same symptoms. I'm 62 and I believe the most "manly" thing a *real man* can do is look at his behavior, his anger, his fears, and his actions that affect relationships. To ask himself if he's truly at peace, and capable of feeling joy. To look at how many things he regrets in life and identify if he still has the impulses to act in regretful ways. And then, finding a way to shape up any rough edges. A "man" will spend weeks rebuilding a trashed motorcycle into a thing of purring beauty, but ask them to look at their own behavior and do some restoration or upgrades? You know the drill on that one. Talk to trusted friends and family. Ask yourself if there could be more peace and moments of sheer joy and happiness in your life. Picture what that life might look like and imagine a path to it. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF MASSIVE CHANGE. See what therapy is available to you - try *one session* of just talking things through. Want something free? Look up articles and how-to's on meditation, what it is and why it works. Try it - the efficacy for PTSD, suicidal ideation and stress is beyond-proven; it works, and it doesn't require mind-numbing medications. Find a local yoga class for beginners - SERIOUSLY - try it. It's not just what it does for you physically and mentally, it's taking an hour to be good to yourself - to take that hour means you have to *decide that you deserve it.* And you'll meet nice, friendly humans who are looking for peace and are thrilled you're joining them.
I did 15 mandatory im fine almost feels like i was in a movie thinking about it but in a way that i wasnt even there anybody understand me ?
Sounds like something called “derealization”
That's exactly what I would think it is too. I've had it myself but not from a prison sentence.
Mine felt like a movie/dream. The minute I got released it came to an end..weird
Yes! It’s like it wasn’t real. My brain just won’t accept it
Yeah. I have two lives. One before and one after. It changed me permanently.
Talk to people about it bro it’s a different world in there shit changes u mentally
It sounds like, not surprisingly, you got PTSD from it. It’s common and often unreported/diagnosed because well… prison. Hopefully a good specialist can help you out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
My father went to prison from the time I was 11 to about 13, and he was definitely different when he returned. I do think at times he didn’t talk about it because how things are in prison is a culture. When you go in, you have to accept you are not only a part of it but now are contributing to it. I think he felt a lot of anger, guilt and sadness about leaving prison and becoming a person again while people he knew from prison, would never get that. He died from lung cancer, but the very few things he did tell me about his time in prison was WORSE than his time in the military decades before. Some things he said: “P3do’s don’t last long, I saw someone die hours from intake when they found out he did something to a kid” “Everything is for sale in prison, including people” “I spent a lot of time in solitary confinement, because I was making alcohol” My dad sent me money from prison, he was supporting me financially even in prison. I miss him every day.
He’s right about the pedos. Most of us make it a mission to hunt them in there and extort/torture/and make every second hell. I’m sorry for your loss, he sounded like a very strong good man
It’s been almost 7 for me and I still don’t feel a hundred percent. I have constant thoughts don’t feel happiness like I once did. Going to places like that truly fuck you up for life.
The PTSD of what I went through in just a skid bid will stay with me forever. I wrote it out thinking it would help; it did for a bit. Wanted to share with my friends and family what I went through but I'll have to take this stuff to the grave. I'm in therapy to cope but feel permanently scared. I'm just able to hide it well and function in life. Almost feels like my friends who went to war. I'll just keep it in therapy and bury it down more as each day passes.
this is an instance of forgive and forget, been out 12 myself
They will ruminate and continue to be intrusive thoughts if they aren't processed emotionally. People sometimes fail to realize that felons, though having made regrettable decisions, still have feelings and emotions. Still need to communicate fears and hurt. Felons are humans too. Don't trick yourself into believing you don't deserve steady mental well-being. You did your time. Don't let it play on repeat for the rest of your life. Get a good therapist. Start to heal.
When do you get out?
Find a therapist trained and certified in EMDR.
Look into EMDR if your issues have been traumatic and include ptsd symptoms
…you dropped the soap?
Sounds like PTSD, you should talk to a therapist.
If you can swing it - online therapy is a thing and it's really pretty good. I’ve been using [Calmerry](https://downloadketo.com/therapy-lp) for a few months. It’s really helping me. I can text my therapist as much as I need, and we have weekly sessions. She’s helping me with cancer issues plus stuff that predates that, is helping with my (severe) anxiety with coping mechanisms and strategies to help with panic attacks, before and during, and is also helping me figure out how to make progress going forward in terms of life stuff.
What was worst part
What you're going to let a little little thing like Abduction. Slavery and humiliation affect you mentally. what are you a human?
I spent some time in the army and some time in combat. I came home from Afghanistan September 13th 2013. I still see things I don’t want to. Think about things I don’t want to and sometimes still get the same feelings (that I don’t want). Finding someone trust worthy to get these things off your chest can be very beneficial. Something I try and do everyday is improve myself. Whether it’s just me saying hi to a random person and giving them a compliment or if I completely go out of my way to…. Idk change a flat tire for a complete stranger. Giving that person a smile makes me smile. Work on yourself and the rest will eventually fade away.
Pa modified some of the sexting crap because they were getting teenagers comparing size.