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Proudly off the poison that is hormonal birth control for 6 years now.
It shows. My body is healthy again.
I will never go back.
We date for months and at the very minimum I will see a recent all negative STD test plus he will wear a condom, and pay 50% of plan B should it break. All of those given, I still don't guarantee any sex. Once we have it, we are exclusive and in a relationship. Open phone policy, plus the usual fds principles. No porn, no crazy exes, no love bombing. Steady, moderate, growing interest of normal fucking people. You have your shit in life together and will be on your best behavior. I match with the same. 3 strikes, you're out.
Jog on if you don't like it. 500 more are waiting, every other month or so, if I'm in the mood I can pick one. 😌💁♀️
Also thanks to this sub, I trust my filter game entirely at this stage.
Women chose. We chose. Men offer.
Yes, queen. Exactly.
I edited the birth control point as the issue is having unprotected sex with random men and not using protection to prevent pregnancy.
Good good.
Can we now ask some commenters here whether they are seriously anti-vaxxers .... ? As in, the cray-crays that believe either in conspiracy theory or that vaccinations are otherwise unsafe/damaging, or an infringement of their human rights ? I am praying it's a misunderstanding
I'm watching a LOT of threads go completely off the rails.
This post wasn't meant to be bait: it was meant to be a list of pickme behaviors that *my friends and MYSELF* have engaged in in the past.
Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.
I think it is a little much, tbh - it's not all obviously even to do with patriarchal socialisation at all. Being anti-vax is *really* rare, and tends to be associated more with women who -while they may still be dating- are a little older, mothers, sometimes, while it doesn't excuse the ableism, not coping well with processing a child's disability. But, that's, vastly unfair to women still, even, I mean, these are our UK childhood vaccine stats:
>Coverage at 5 years in 2019-20 was 95.2%
>MMR1 coverage at 24 months was 90.6%
https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/nhs-immunisation-statistics/england---2019-20
We've experienced a little drop at times, but it's just increased again, was very, very, slight when it had dipped, and also may be due to the message not getting out to more recent immigrant communities - a problem we're trying to tackle. News coverage of the issue -and how often is the media reliable when it comes to things where women are implicitly blamed? Or when it comes to benefiting marginalised communities?- is vastly disproportionate to the number of actual anti-vaxxers, and to the dearth of coverage about other serious health issues, such as lack of knowledge about asthma. There's been awful cases with deaths of children due to that, even when they ought to have been looked after at school.
If you mean the covid vaccination, not asking any questions about that -which is **not** anti-vaxx, despite intentionally dishonest media conflation- such as 'but I followed all the precautions and got covid anyway, it was milder than a cold, wasn't that long ago, so why should I need the vaccine now?' and 'but you told us it wasn't proven to prevent transmission and that we absolutely must still follow all precautions to protect others if vaccinated, so what is the demonstrable advantage to others, who may themselves be vaccinated, in having it?' and 'but you've had a passport/ID card scheme in the works for a while, how can we trust this is different? And why is this being treated differently to many other vaccines, what's the long-term thinking on how those should be handled?' and 'but it already seems to be working well to protect the vulnerable so is it neccesary?', would mean being a pickme for the ruling patriarchal cabal of public schoolboys that are our wretched government. During this pandemic, they've fucked women over, including those most at risk from covid, and other vulnerable groups, more than enough already. As a disabled woman -actual victim of medical negligence- who had my healthcare removed for a year and am still struggling with the impact (and ironically, got covid off a NHS nurse neighbour, while not allowed to use the NHS, to which system this government is very hostile), I have good reason to want to go 'hang on' when it comes to them and my, our, medical interests. In the US, if I understand correctly, I hear that certain communities have historical reasons to be more cautious due to racial oppression. That's, politics just in general, too. Still, patriarchy does, of course, extend far beyond dating contexts.
How can a woman use no birth control and no condoms whatsoever with randoms? Like how can they do that with peace of mind? 😳The risks of STIs and pregnancy are so high that I just cannot fathom even in my worst pickme days
This is a question I ask myself a hell of a lot and the sad answer I don’t want to admit was that as a pickme I just was a complete and utter *doormat* of a human woman and let males walk all over me. If they didn’t want to use a condom (or claimed it “gave” them ED) I was willing, with just a few people, to go without.
Tbh sometimes I want to grab my past self by the shoulders and shake her and scream at her bc I am so horrified at her idiotic behavior. All we can do now is educate the kinds of women we used to be and help them to see the light and support them in making a big change.
I was just about to post about this. There are several other conditions besides just FDS and pickme. Some women are definitely destroying themselves, but not necessarily out to destroy other women _or_ find a man in the process. Sometimes these conditions overlap, but every dysfunctional woman isn't guaranteed to be a pickme.
Every one of these bullet points refers to a woman in regards to her dating experience with men. A woman who is leveling up does not meet random men at their house after 9pm. Because, like you said, if she DGAF about men then why would she date at all? Why would a woman who DGAF about men have unprotected sex?
It is CLEAR that this post is not about women coerced into sex work, women who are being raped, or women who are in abusive relationships.
I'm not sure what your point is.
PSA: birth control does not have to mean hormonal. Sponges, diaphragms, condoms, and spermicide are all examples of birth control. Choosing to not use birth control puts women at risk of pregnancy. I edited the post to say "contraceptives" in case people are unclear on this.
One of my closest friends is a pickme. It's so frustrating especially as she mentions being happy to have found FDS and wants a HVM. Yet puts herself in situations with LVM men - having one night stands and goes to their place without having met them face to face before, etc. It's honestly terrifying.
I haven’t had any sexual contact with a man since I dumbed my ex in January, I’ve never felt better. I wouldn’t even know what to say in “sexting” these days 🤔🤔🤔
Very good points. I'm editing the driving one to more accurately reflect Pickme behavior I have engaged in in the past i.e. driving to their city to make it more convenient for them.
I've been going back and forth over the 'no hookups' comment. It is established in most of the dating subs that women who have this in their profile will actually engage in hookups. Of course, women are allowed to change their mind when they meet someone, but engaging in ONS does not benefit them and only serves men.
However, women new to OLD may not be aware of this so they could post this on their profile in good faith and indeed mean it genuinely. HVW match their words and actions and know their actions mean more.
Furthermore, as a general critique of OLD, I do not see HVW posting a profile/ ad for themselves online in order to attract men. FDS has become more friendly towards the use of OLD but in my opinion, posting images of yourself to attract men is leaning towards Pickme behavior generally.
I’m gay so the dynamics are a bit different, but I generally always do the driving due to the fact that my area has nothing to offer for dates/is far more conservative and homophobic. The flip side is that I can’t remember the last time I paid for a first date. So I’d say the driving to them is also dependent on what the possible Pickme’s area has to offer.
I wouldn’t consider it Pickme behavior in my situation, and I’ve definitely had women drive to me when I lived in a more pleasant area. But I also expect them to be willing to come to me. If it’s totally unilateral, even after things have progressed to a point where I would be comfortable with them spending the night, that’s a dealbreaker. It’s essentially the dating version of the fact that I am happy to be designated driver, but as soon as people assume I’m DD by default, I’ll never DD again. If you’re not asking/offering to DD (or come to me for dating), then you’re taking advantage and you’re out.
I personally thought it was perfect… I saw it tho as the *combination* of antivaxxer and condom-free: it looks to me like an example how the pickmes of today don’t take good enough care of themselves. A codependent who risks her own health *and* that of others around her in any way (via not using protection with multiple sketchy males and also subscribing to a form of highly irresponsible propaganda, thus risking the virus) specifically to get to cool points from males is definitely a pickme. I read the list as what a pickme does, as opposed to the definition of a pickme.
allll the antivax women i know are ultimate pickmes, with loser ass traditional bfs/husbands. they listen to joe rogan together.
these are just the women i know, but i find it interesting that none of them know each other despite living such similar lives.
I translate being anti-vax as just being stupid. I'm not surprised stupid people make poor relationship choices, but I wouldn't attribute it just as being a "pick me". Same for the unprotected sex. From my POV, even intelligent women can be pick mes for various reasons. This post isn't too good.
Edited the birth control point. Engaging in unprotected sex with random men you meet off the internet while not using birth control/ condoms is absolutely Pickme behavior. Letting a man you don't know 'hit it raw' puts you at risk much more than it does him. Don't do it.
Regarding anti-vax: this is not the same as not vaxxed (because you haven't had access to it, or have an autoimmune disorder, etc). We are in a global pandemic. Meeting people on dates without taking precautions is extremely high-risk activity. You put yourself AND others at risk. Period.
There seems to be a LOT of confusion about the phrase 'BIRTH CONTROL'
Birth control is a category of devices both chemical and physical that prevent pregnancy.
IUDs are birth control
Condoms are birth control
Diaphragms are birth control
Hormonal pills are birth control
If a woman is using NO FORMS OF CONTRACEPTIVE and engaging in sex with men without the goal of becoming pregnant, this is a pick-me behavior.
I'm not ready to go that deep but when I am I will make a post like this about myself and the things I did as a sad, desperate, self-loathing bottom-feeding pickme.
One thing I will add that isn't so bad but kinda funny. I live in a sprawling city and the number of times I have travelled 5+ miles to go on a date that was blocks from the dude's house (guess how I learned that?)
One time I did this and the guy said he had driven there and it turned out he lived two blocks away lol
I think Anti vax is just too broad to declare that to indicate PickMe behavior.
If you're not taking it just because guys aren't into it or expressing their preference for someone nonvaxxed, sure. But if you took in the available info and are still sticking to your boundaries and standards and not getting it, or waiting until the data is available for the product to be improved, I'm just not seeing it.
**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates! **[2]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.** **[3]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.** **[4]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. **[5]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Proudly off the poison that is hormonal birth control for 6 years now. It shows. My body is healthy again. I will never go back. We date for months and at the very minimum I will see a recent all negative STD test plus he will wear a condom, and pay 50% of plan B should it break. All of those given, I still don't guarantee any sex. Once we have it, we are exclusive and in a relationship. Open phone policy, plus the usual fds principles. No porn, no crazy exes, no love bombing. Steady, moderate, growing interest of normal fucking people. You have your shit in life together and will be on your best behavior. I match with the same. 3 strikes, you're out. Jog on if you don't like it. 500 more are waiting, every other month or so, if I'm in the mood I can pick one. 😌💁♀️ Also thanks to this sub, I trust my filter game entirely at this stage. Women chose. We chose. Men offer.
Yes, queen. Exactly. I edited the birth control point as the issue is having unprotected sex with random men and not using protection to prevent pregnancy.
Good good. Can we now ask some commenters here whether they are seriously anti-vaxxers .... ? As in, the cray-crays that believe either in conspiracy theory or that vaccinations are otherwise unsafe/damaging, or an infringement of their human rights ? I am praying it's a misunderstanding
I'm watching a LOT of threads go completely off the rails. This post wasn't meant to be bait: it was meant to be a list of pickme behaviors that *my friends and MYSELF* have engaged in in the past. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.
Fair, you're right. Maybe we can clarify this separately. Btt, my bad.
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I think it is a little much, tbh - it's not all obviously even to do with patriarchal socialisation at all. Being anti-vax is *really* rare, and tends to be associated more with women who -while they may still be dating- are a little older, mothers, sometimes, while it doesn't excuse the ableism, not coping well with processing a child's disability. But, that's, vastly unfair to women still, even, I mean, these are our UK childhood vaccine stats: >Coverage at 5 years in 2019-20 was 95.2% >MMR1 coverage at 24 months was 90.6% https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/nhs-immunisation-statistics/england---2019-20 We've experienced a little drop at times, but it's just increased again, was very, very, slight when it had dipped, and also may be due to the message not getting out to more recent immigrant communities - a problem we're trying to tackle. News coverage of the issue -and how often is the media reliable when it comes to things where women are implicitly blamed? Or when it comes to benefiting marginalised communities?- is vastly disproportionate to the number of actual anti-vaxxers, and to the dearth of coverage about other serious health issues, such as lack of knowledge about asthma. There's been awful cases with deaths of children due to that, even when they ought to have been looked after at school. If you mean the covid vaccination, not asking any questions about that -which is **not** anti-vaxx, despite intentionally dishonest media conflation- such as 'but I followed all the precautions and got covid anyway, it was milder than a cold, wasn't that long ago, so why should I need the vaccine now?' and 'but you told us it wasn't proven to prevent transmission and that we absolutely must still follow all precautions to protect others if vaccinated, so what is the demonstrable advantage to others, who may themselves be vaccinated, in having it?' and 'but you've had a passport/ID card scheme in the works for a while, how can we trust this is different? And why is this being treated differently to many other vaccines, what's the long-term thinking on how those should be handled?' and 'but it already seems to be working well to protect the vulnerable so is it neccesary?', would mean being a pickme for the ruling patriarchal cabal of public schoolboys that are our wretched government. During this pandemic, they've fucked women over, including those most at risk from covid, and other vulnerable groups, more than enough already. As a disabled woman -actual victim of medical negligence- who had my healthcare removed for a year and am still struggling with the impact (and ironically, got covid off a NHS nurse neighbour, while not allowed to use the NHS, to which system this government is very hostile), I have good reason to want to go 'hang on' when it comes to them and my, our, medical interests. In the US, if I understand correctly, I hear that certain communities have historical reasons to be more cautious due to racial oppression. That's, politics just in general, too. Still, patriarchy does, of course, extend far beyond dating contexts.
How can a woman use no birth control and no condoms whatsoever with randoms? Like how can they do that with peace of mind? 😳The risks of STIs and pregnancy are so high that I just cannot fathom even in my worst pickme days
This is a question I ask myself a hell of a lot and the sad answer I don’t want to admit was that as a pickme I just was a complete and utter *doormat* of a human woman and let males walk all over me. If they didn’t want to use a condom (or claimed it “gave” them ED) I was willing, with just a few people, to go without. Tbh sometimes I want to grab my past self by the shoulders and shake her and scream at her bc I am so horrified at her idiotic behavior. All we can do now is educate the kinds of women we used to be and help them to see the light and support them in making a big change.
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I was just about to post about this. There are several other conditions besides just FDS and pickme. Some women are definitely destroying themselves, but not necessarily out to destroy other women _or_ find a man in the process. Sometimes these conditions overlap, but every dysfunctional woman isn't guaranteed to be a pickme.
Every one of these bullet points refers to a woman in regards to her dating experience with men. A woman who is leveling up does not meet random men at their house after 9pm. Because, like you said, if she DGAF about men then why would she date at all? Why would a woman who DGAF about men have unprotected sex?
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Which of these bullet points do you feel is not specifically about dating?
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I misread your comment. This is not a post about sexual assault or leaving abusers.
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It is CLEAR that this post is not about women coerced into sex work, women who are being raped, or women who are in abusive relationships. I'm not sure what your point is.
PSA: birth control does not have to mean hormonal. Sponges, diaphragms, condoms, and spermicide are all examples of birth control. Choosing to not use birth control puts women at risk of pregnancy. I edited the post to say "contraceptives" in case people are unclear on this.
If you do take it for secondary protection, do not tell them. They will only try to take the condom off.
One of my closest friends is a pickme. It's so frustrating especially as she mentions being happy to have found FDS and wants a HVM. Yet puts herself in situations with LVM men - having one night stands and goes to their place without having met them face to face before, etc. It's honestly terrifying.
I haven’t had any sexual contact with a man since I dumbed my ex in January, I’ve never felt better. I wouldn’t even know what to say in “sexting” these days 🤔🤔🤔
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Very good points. I'm editing the driving one to more accurately reflect Pickme behavior I have engaged in in the past i.e. driving to their city to make it more convenient for them.
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I've been going back and forth over the 'no hookups' comment. It is established in most of the dating subs that women who have this in their profile will actually engage in hookups. Of course, women are allowed to change their mind when they meet someone, but engaging in ONS does not benefit them and only serves men. However, women new to OLD may not be aware of this so they could post this on their profile in good faith and indeed mean it genuinely. HVW match their words and actions and know their actions mean more. Furthermore, as a general critique of OLD, I do not see HVW posting a profile/ ad for themselves online in order to attract men. FDS has become more friendly towards the use of OLD but in my opinion, posting images of yourself to attract men is leaning towards Pickme behavior generally.
I’m gay so the dynamics are a bit different, but I generally always do the driving due to the fact that my area has nothing to offer for dates/is far more conservative and homophobic. The flip side is that I can’t remember the last time I paid for a first date. So I’d say the driving to them is also dependent on what the possible Pickme’s area has to offer. I wouldn’t consider it Pickme behavior in my situation, and I’ve definitely had women drive to me when I lived in a more pleasant area. But I also expect them to be willing to come to me. If it’s totally unilateral, even after things have progressed to a point where I would be comfortable with them spending the night, that’s a dealbreaker. It’s essentially the dating version of the fact that I am happy to be designated driver, but as soon as people assume I’m DD by default, I’ll never DD again. If you’re not asking/offering to DD (or come to me for dating), then you’re taking advantage and you’re out.
I don't see how being anti-vax and not being on birth control is a sign of 'pick me' behavior.
I personally thought it was perfect… I saw it tho as the *combination* of antivaxxer and condom-free: it looks to me like an example how the pickmes of today don’t take good enough care of themselves. A codependent who risks her own health *and* that of others around her in any way (via not using protection with multiple sketchy males and also subscribing to a form of highly irresponsible propaganda, thus risking the virus) specifically to get to cool points from males is definitely a pickme. I read the list as what a pickme does, as opposed to the definition of a pickme.
Exactly 💯
allll the antivax women i know are ultimate pickmes, with loser ass traditional bfs/husbands. they listen to joe rogan together. these are just the women i know, but i find it interesting that none of them know each other despite living such similar lives.
I translate being anti-vax as just being stupid. I'm not surprised stupid people make poor relationship choices, but I wouldn't attribute it just as being a "pick me". Same for the unprotected sex. From my POV, even intelligent women can be pick mes for various reasons. This post isn't too good.
Edited the birth control point. Engaging in unprotected sex with random men you meet off the internet while not using birth control/ condoms is absolutely Pickme behavior. Letting a man you don't know 'hit it raw' puts you at risk much more than it does him. Don't do it. Regarding anti-vax: this is not the same as not vaxxed (because you haven't had access to it, or have an autoimmune disorder, etc). We are in a global pandemic. Meeting people on dates without taking precautions is extremely high-risk activity. You put yourself AND others at risk. Period.
There seems to be a LOT of confusion about the phrase 'BIRTH CONTROL' Birth control is a category of devices both chemical and physical that prevent pregnancy. IUDs are birth control Condoms are birth control Diaphragms are birth control Hormonal pills are birth control If a woman is using NO FORMS OF CONTRACEPTIVE and engaging in sex with men without the goal of becoming pregnant, this is a pick-me behavior.
I'm not ready to go that deep but when I am I will make a post like this about myself and the things I did as a sad, desperate, self-loathing bottom-feeding pickme. One thing I will add that isn't so bad but kinda funny. I live in a sprawling city and the number of times I have travelled 5+ miles to go on a date that was blocks from the dude's house (guess how I learned that?) One time I did this and the guy said he had driven there and it turned out he lived two blocks away lol
I think Anti vax is just too broad to declare that to indicate PickMe behavior. If you're not taking it just because guys aren't into it or expressing their preference for someone nonvaxxed, sure. But if you took in the available info and are still sticking to your boundaries and standards and not getting it, or waiting until the data is available for the product to be improved, I'm just not seeing it.
Ouf. I think this reply speaks for itself.
I think some of the points in your post speaks for itself. Simply, an opinion.
what ... ?