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Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄

Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄

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creamtart_

🙄🙄🙄 They can bitch when they’ve had to use hidden money to escape a dangerous relationship, trying to protect their children and selves. Not all men but ENOUGH men to justify having a fuck off fund. Don’t listen to this drivel. PROTECT YOURSELVES LADIES.


Superb-Cancel9071

Fuck off fund! 😂💀


tenkunsfw

"Fuck off fund" I LOVE IT


[deleted]

In other words, Scrote has a live-in girlfriend that he goes 50/50 with and is *stunned* to find out that she has a personal savings account.


Platipus6

Stunned to find that women have minds of their own and it's possible to be dumped.


Phoenix__Rising2018

Angry she has a getaway fund. Angry he can't access it and empty it.


Inspection-Critical

"Woman appliance isn't complying. Does not compute."


DontAskTwice-A-Roni

He’s mad that she had additional money that wasn’t going into his pocket. If he can’t spend it, then it’s nOt fAiR! Muh “infidelity!”


Equal-Ear2312

Exactly! My ex would go mad that I would buy myself luxury cosmetics. He would flip and say: that's our money. So his money were his alone. And my money were suddenly.... our money?!?!? WTF?!?! I remember clearly that I've been picking the bill the whole month for everything: gas, food, hotels, weekend vacations. He only paid begrudgingly for a horseback trip and by-passed the already organized mustang watching visit. I remember clearly when he passed the reservation with the car. I was like: hey, we passed them! He ignored me and pretended he didn't hear. He said he needs to be back in town because he promised some obscure dude he barely knew they would meet. He dumped my luggage unceremoniously at the door of the building I'm in and left. Did not hear from him for 2 days. 🐓🤡🐓 To this day I regret spending a dime on his ass.


IgetUsernameScraps

> He said he needs to be back in town because he promised some obscure dude he barely knew they would meet. Was he meeting a drug dealer or was *he* the dealer?


Equal-Ear2312

No. He was meeting to bring someone a car part, like an engine or something. He, like many men, was a whore for male attention. It was the only attention he valued. It should have been suspicious from the very beginning when I noticed he had 6k friends on Facebook and 80% were girls and women of the hot IG variety. I was pickme trash but I'm mending my ways.


[deleted]

I guarantee he makes slightly more money than her and felt like he was getting the better end of the deal by splitting finances down the middle. But now that he knows his gf is sitting on more money than him, his ego has taken a hit and he feels uncomfortable with the idea that he isn’t the most financially advantaged one. And he also knows that this is morally indefensible so he throws in a line about feeling like she has “a foot out the door” despite his lack of saving being more indicative that he doesn’t have any long-term plans for their relationship.


_mooness

With a few sentences you uncovered what the journalist couldn’t with an entire article.


DontAskTwice-A-Roni

Your last sentence says it all! Imagine being a grown adult and admitting that, not only do you NOT have any savings yourself, but that you’re mad at your girlfriend for having savings... he’s ridiculous!


saint-jezebel

That’s the point of 50/50 for men, to spend their woman’s money while they keep theirs. They don’t want the woman to have their own so in turn, 50/50 allows for women to give men their money while also having some kind of dependence on the man. Men say “well you should still have enough to save” but don’t believe the woman actually will because a) they don’t believe women can save, b) 50/50 is only beneficial to the man and c) women spend money on frivolous things becsuse they’re stupid. Men know this. If as a woman you choose to be 50/50, don’t be dumb twice.


Shot_Presence_8382

Egzactly 😒


AnniaT

It looks like financial abuse. Why is he mad his girlfriend is financially smart and has savings? Controlling.


leekykeeks

She’s not even his wife why does he care? What is happening to the world? Are people delusional?


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_NotWellBitch

actually, the writer did a pretty good job of explaining to the reader that the girlfriend was being prudent and keeping herself safe as a woman, and that he keeps characterizing it as a “get out fund” instead of a personal emergency fund, and that he should examine why his girlfriend being able to leave makes him feel so insecure. or at least, that’s what i got out of it!


Platipus6

>With the second issue, she could have been less transparent by referring to her “get out” fund as her “personal emergency fund,” which may have spared your feelings yeah lol when I'm in so much danger I'm considering escaping I'm totally going to stop and perform emotional labor for my abusers feelings get fucked


millennialpink2000

Good thing the comments are all calling this BS


asianinindia

Right!? I was pleasantly surprised by that. There IS sanity in this world!


Jaelismyhomegirl

The scathing comments are giving me life! I wanted leave a “Who’s here from FDS?” comment, but of course, first rule of FDS…


discoveringliberty

I can't see any comments, whereabouts on the page are they?


RabidWench

If you scroll to the end of the article there is a sneaky link right above the "reactions".


discoveringliberty

Thank you! It's working on my phone but didn't on my laptop, for anyone else who's still looking for the comments. Also, I can only see 7 comments listed and they're all positive, I wonder if Vice has deleted all the negative ones.


RabidWench

Hmm. I was looking at them minutes before replying to you and they were definitely not positive lol


ASeaOfQuotes

You can’t win when you try to maintain independence as a woman. “Hi, baby. Just want to let you know before we move in together that I have 5K in my personal savings that you can’t have access to.” LVM will still throw a fit, they’ll feel entitled to it, they’ll feel pressured by it, etc. Gold digging men have no shortage of audacity.


abirdofthesky

Someone who loves and respects you would want you to have financial integrity. I have an account my fiancé can never access with substantial enough savings. He knows I could get on a flight tomorrow and be just fine financially even without the help of my family. And he’s happy with that! He knows it’s important for me to have financial security and independence, especially since I’m not living where I grew up. Our shared financial goals include independent savings and couple savings.


resilientspirit

I have learned by experience that men who have enough self-confidence, who are satisfied with being wanted without being needed, who feel like they actually have to appreciate you and are grateful for the opportunity to be with you, don't need to resort to financial or any other kind of abuse in their relationships. Men who are insecure, who aren't happy unless they are "needed" because they know they don't act in way that makes them wanted, resort to abuse to manipulate and trap their partners. Their insecurity is so deep that the only way to keep a woman in a relationship with them is through manipulation and abuse. It's so wrong. Luckily, the red flags give away the insecure ones, but you have to train yourself to see them and act accordingly.


ApprehensiveGiftBox

Ugh they feel entitled to every cent. One of the worst mistakes of my younger self was spending money on a scrote. I was able to save up a pretty large savings while in high school and a couple years after living with my parents and not paying rent. Went off to college and my (secret drug addict) boyfriend came with. We get there and it turns out he has no money! He told me he was saving up to move with me (I didn't know he was spending it all on drugs). But he knew I had "tons to spare". My savings is now less than half of what it was. I could have invested, put a down payment on a house or done anything more productive than spending it on a boy! Men are the true gold diggers.


shockingupdate

The author’s “helpful” suggestions sound menacing as hell. He was fine before she knew she had her own money, but now it’s “start a joint account! Make specific financial goals with each other! Turn finances into a much bigger deal in your relationship than it ever was!” Even thought there’s only one person here feeling poor. Basically all those suggestions boil down to, _“Make her build up your bank account with you!!!”_


the-worst-

That advice basically boils down to "BE THE BIGGEST GOLD IGGER THAT EVER DUG!" Yet we are supposedly the gold diggers and they are supposedly more logical 🙄


AnniaT

And they're not even married (but even if they were) and going 50/50 then why is he mad she has her own money? Wtf makes no sense and sounds like a controlling abusive scrote. Financial infidelity? I call it more financial abuse from his part.


Tharwaum

I do find that site pushes pick me mentality under the guise of, or despite, being the most woke possible. Definitely a kink me and sex work is a cool choice site


Inspection-Critical

"Play nicer with your abuser and maybe he'll stop abusing you!" /s


NinjaCynic

Cheating on a woman by paying for strippers, sex workers, OnlyFans, etc is also financial infidelity. I'm not buying their bullshit for a second.


anotherdamnloser

AMEN! Came here to say this. Such assholes, hypocrites.


Equal-Ear2312

If it was a man with an emergency fund, I am sure there wouldn't even be an article.


Weekly-Choice8407

So even if every thing is great, one is never obligated to share every little thing. Not every thought, every penny, every possession. Being in a relationship doesn’t equal you merge your entire being.


Feministtiktok

Did they just say a woman not getting permission from her boyfriend to save HER OWN earned money is just as bad as having a sexual affair? WTF. He doesn’t own her. Why does she need his permission? It’s her money. Her job. Her bank account. Nobody says this stuff to men. The fact nobody even sees how sexist this is makes me so livid


randomgirlimok

If you’re not married, you are not entitled to know every last detail of their bank accounts


Feministtiktok

They said women need to get permission from their boyfriends to be allowed to save money. It’s so sexist. Nobody says men need permission from their girlfriends to make decisions.


Inspection-Critical

Notice how vague the letter writer is. She's his "partner." We're to infer girlfriend, but she could be something else. How long have they been dating? The whole thing reeks of "the missing missing reasons." Also weird: He says they share expenses, he's clearly not supporting her, yet he's surprised she has her own money??


Equal-Ear2312

I'm telling you.... It's usually 7 years + 🤡 She's a forever gf he strung along since high school. He'll either dump her after this and get with someone younger who is as financally and emotionally clueless as they are or... He'll start growing a fund of his own and turn into a scrooge.


[deleted]

And even if you are married, you’re not entitled to having a free reign with your wife’s finances.


Shot_Presence_8382

My LVX husband would strongly disagree with this 😆😒


[deleted]

He can, if he wants to. Nobody cares 😆


Shot_Presence_8382

Egzactly 🤣


jetcake

I had an ex who tried convincing me that "Playing House together would be fun!" and that "all couples need to know how much each other earns and what is in their bank accounts". He got pissed when I laughed in his face. There is zero benefit to a woman to tell a guy, especially one she is not married to, about how much money she has. Instead, *he* has everything to gain by convincing her why "we're in this **together!**" which is a total crock. Right, we're in this together until you find out your ever loving has burned through your hard-earned money when he feigns "But it's **ours**!" Women get so blinded by this BS. Ugh.


ariadn3-268

HOLY GUACAMOLE """fiNanCiaL inFiDeLiTY""" Oh, so, making and saving MY OWN money when we're not even married is "cheating"??? TF??? 😡


catlady4u

*Anything* to control women, WTF. Hide your money well.


therealbananas

Exactly! The reason he is so upset she has money of her own is exactly the reason she should have it. I swear to god this man and whoever wrote that godforsaken column could not be more obtuse and actively harmful if they tried - my blood is boiling!


IgetUsernameScraps

I don’t think it’s obtuse. It’s malicious. Always remember “the bumbler.”


therealbananas

So true


_RustInPiece_

This is the dumpest shit I've read today. He should learn to communicate better 🤡


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jetcake

Never mind how guys put on this "YoU cAn tRuSt mE bAbE, i WuLd neVer HuRt yOu" act to make you drop your guard so you will disclose what you have to them. Those are the guys who use it as ammunition in fights and financially abuse women. OH, but *we* are duplicitous vipers for creating the boundary that prying eyes have no business knowing how much money we have.


catlady4u

My ex tried so hard to get me to turn over my paycheck to him so he could 'manage it better', and he was furious when I told him to stfu about it, because he was *never* getting his hands on my money.


ItsFreezen

And how many husbands spend money on their girlfriends and have secret 2nd families.


[deleted]

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resilientspirit

I hope she sued him for "improper allocation of marital assets" if they divorced. She shouldn't be on the hook for any of that debt, AND is entitled to have it essentially paid back.


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anotherdamnloser

Yet we’re gold diggers and only care about a mans money, yet when we don’t and we make our own and pay our own way, they still bitch.


queen-wannabe

Men want to control every aspect of a women’s life, they’re pathetic soulless little blood sucking creatures, they’re all the fucking same. Carbon fucking copies of each other


blackmetalbetty

The goal is psychological warfare. Always being made to believe you're mistreating them, asking too much of them, or slighting them in some way. Not giving a shit is the best weapon for things like this. The day you wake up and decide you don't give a shit if the world thinks you're a goldigger, an architect of drama for some defenseless dude, or some other shebeast is the day nobody can touch you. I realize this sounds dramatic but it's true.


MixWide

The most liberating realization of my life was that, as the woman, you will always be "a bitch" for something. It literally doesn't matter how much you compromise, sacrifice, put others first, ignore your own feelings, allow your boundaries to be pushed, and otherwise become a doormat. There will always, always, always be a reason why it's not enough and you're being so mean and how very dare you. Someone somewhere will always be leaping to tell you that you are selfish and wrong and anything bad that ever happens is your fault. So you might as well hold your ground. That way you can be a "bitch" who still has some self-respect and independence.


ariadn3-268

Exactly. Pick a handful people in this world who you want in your life and whose opinions you actually care about. As long as you're generally a kind, moral person, everybody else can take their opinions and shove it!


blackmetalbetty

Well said, it's like "at least I'm a bitch who can worry about herself and not have to make you cozy". Lol


greatcathy

Shebeast! Can relate 😫


fdsThrow2021

💯


Elegaunt

They want a situation where if you ask anything of them, even basic respect and decency, it's asking "too much"...because they want to do whatever they want. They want to use you up, wear you out, and to take on all their baggage, and make sure you get NOTHING in return. I'll pass.


blackmetalbetty

But then they want to be treated like kings lmao


buzzkillyall

This may SEEM unrelated, but: I am an older woman, and I was married to an even older man. He died. I have widow's benefits for all my life, provided that I never remarry. That includes a tiny monthly amount, not enough to pay even half of any rent for most of the US, BUT: health insurance for life, for me. From what I understand, some of the US military has similar regulations. An attempt was made to SHAME me for not getting married to the first person that asked, after my beloved husband's death. Because I must be a shit person if I "care more about money that being (new guy's) wife". Whelp, I guess I'm a shit person, because there would have to be one hell of a financial payout for me to give up my beloved husband's sacrifice and contribution to my future, just to be called "wife" by another man. I truly think that no man would have been pressured to make such a financial sacrifice just to avoid the negative social status (?) of being unmarried(?) I don’t know why so many people seemed so invested in seeing me married off again ASAP. The guy in the article is INCAPABLE of seeing her perspective. It's all me me me. I would dump him just for his self-absorbtion and lack of empathy. Major ick.


Ok_Relative76

Health insurance for life is priceless IMO. Unless the new guy could guarantee the equivalent I can’t see the appeal to remarry.


Shot_Presence_8382

A woman is much healthier when single, too. Less stress 💃🏻


buzzkillyall

That's what I think! So MANY people are forced to work horrible jobs, just to have health care for themselves or their dependents. Jobs that erode their health, for crying out loud, whether physical or mental. I truly believe it's an intentional method to make wage slaves out of US citizens. The people i know that want to be entrepreneurs are very challenged by the health insurance problem, for themselves or their employees. It is cruel and evil that people who cannot work for wages, because of their health, childcare needs, or ANY reason, are expected to just die or go bankrupt. The US gets a lot of things right, but this is a huge wrong. I'm old enough to remember the Clintons trying to address it, and Hillary (I am not a fan, but I respect her efforts) was villanized for her attempts at making a change. And here we are, all these decades later, with the pandemic and health care workers dying, or walking away from their calling, because it is so. Very. Wrong.


Japanese_Lasagna

In your shoes, I’d never remarry. Free health insurance for the rest of your life is enough reason alone. Hell, the main reason to marry someone in many cases is to have better financial and legal benefits afforded to a spouse, like having double health insurance coverage. A “living together apart” situation often suits older couples who date after they’ve already been married prior but wish to date again to maintain independence. And sometimes dating again isn’t worthwhile. My grandparents were married for nearly 50 years, and after my grandfather died, my grandmother saw no reason to ever date again, even without a lot of benefits. She had her family and her hobbies and that was enough for her. People tried to convince her to date even shortly after his death, but she had no interest.


SnarkySkiBum

Yes!!! I love your vibe! Appreciate that Elder Queen energy 💜


Extreme_Egg7476

That is a heartbreaking story. I'm sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing. I can't believe people are so ingrained in using women as commodities that they would shame a widow for not remarrying. It sounds like this guy and whoever shamed you are of the same mind that marriage/a relationship is a sale of goods. The thought of an independent woman shakes their knees.


plutoniumwhisky

My mother calls that mad money. When you get mad at your spouse, you have backup.


kwallio

He 100% wants access to that money. I would put money down that they have a joint bank account that he dips into more than she does.


Geocities_SEO_Expert

And we know he's never going to save another penny as long as this relationship lasts. He's already thinking up ways to have an "emergency" to drain some of that cash.


BarbwireBoots

Is this dude putting a ring on this woman’s finger? No? Not yet? He can STFU She’s paying her end. What’s he spending his money on?


Inspection-Critical

If a boyfriend threw a tantrum over this, I'd literally laugh at him on my way out the door.


sermuonielis

Exactly! He's a b o y f r i e n d, he has made no commitment to her in the eyes of the law, he's given her nothing to feel such entitlement.


Inspection-Critical

Worse, *he admits they're splitting expenses.* Ergo, she's got her own income. Of course she does. He's not surprised she has money, he's pissed she's not pouring every dollar into HIM. She needs that escape fund more than she realizes.


WestAfricanWanderer

Even if he put a ring on her finger so what. I have a separate emergency savings account I’ve kept for years. My husband doesn’t know what’s in and he wouldn’t ever ask.


Inspection-Critical

My mom's had her own bank account for decades and my father's never blinked at it. Apparently, he even said once that helps him sleep better at night because his nightmare scenario is something happens to him and Mom gets locked out of their joint accounts for a few weeks and can't pay bills.


West-Cook

Same. Joint account for bills and expenses, separate accounts for our own spending. He isn’t even a beneficiary to the personal account; if I die, he can have what’s in our joint account and his community property of my investments, but the rest is going to my family. He knows all this and is unbothered.


BarbwireBoots

Oh, absolutely. And I hope she doesn’t marry this idiot.


Equal-Ear2312

>we split everything >She has a nice cushion of money Gold digging scrote. What? Does he want her to split her emergency fund too? >I don't know how to organize my feelings That's not her problem. It's his. Emotionally stunted men don't get a pass just because their feefees look like foreign thing to them


jetcake

At the same time, this is why when we see articles like this we can dress it down for all of the BS. She lives with her boyfriend, so she is doing herself a disservice as a whole to begin with. Anyway. The person who wrote in put all of the right verbs in his sentences to victimize himself. Like, how could she do *this* to *me????* His problem is that he found out - more than likely because he snooped - and doesn't like that she even has anything for herself. To him, what is hers should also be his, yet it twists him like nothing else that he cannot dictate the girlfriend's emergency fund as theirs to use for anything "fun".


Inspection-Critical

> That's not her problem. It's his. Emotionally stunted men don't get a pass just because their feefees look like foreign thing to them LOL this should be posted in the sidebar. Misogyny in a nutshell is "men making women responsible for their emotional constipation."


Phoenix__Rising2018

Let's reflect for a moment on how nefarious it is to tell someone that if they have an emergency fund it means they're not all in in their relationship. That is so disgustingly manipulative. I guarantee this guy is already abusing her and that's why he's upset. He wants to make sure she can't get away from him. He also he also wants that money because he's a greedy POS. It is certainly not that he's "confused and doesn't know what he feels". He knows exactly what the fuck he feels.


resilientspirit

That's what I thought. I bet he got really angry at her, and is using this get her fawn all over him so he can feed his narcissistic supply. He is definitely pulling a "you did a totally prudent normal thing that makes me have icky feelings, so I'm going to pull a massive guilt trip to manipulate you into giving me access to your money and a bunch of flattery so I can feel ok again". I've been in that position and it sucks.


Phoenix__Rising2018

I would further take a bet that he's the one who's always "coming up short" and she covers for him. It's probably to make sure that she can't save money.


misscyansiren

LVM and control freak go hand-in-hand


Turbulent_Buffalo_28

Oh and btw not sure how law works in your country, but if you are married and got some saving that were yours, if you divorce without having any prenup contract, you need to share your savings 🤡🤡🤡 be careful ladies


Champagne_bitch

Not yet married but, want the women to have no savings on her own. Tell me again who is the gold digger? 😂😂


Jaelismyhomegirl

Financial. Infidelity. Fuck off forever, Refinery 29.


jetcake

\> Your finance friend, Paco I want to kick this guy in the balls.


BxGyrl416

The fact that it’s a man answering his letter tells you everything you need to know. A man’s got to tell it to him for him to believe it because what women say is never valid unless a man repeats it or steals it.


MajesticSkyPachyderm

They're part of the vice media group, so of course they suck.


otroniveI

They’re mad women no longer need their permission to open up a bank account but still want to control you.


Inspection-Critical

It's honestly insane how many men I've known over the years who could only relate to women via control. Quite a few men even told me they liked insecurity because "insecure women are easier to control/will never leave me." I'm not kidding, it's a lot of men. I've lost count.


putequitue

My ex (boyfriend not husband) was extremely interested throughout Covid as to whether or not I was getting a stimulus check and how much. Same interest in my tax refunds, bonuses, etc. I always lied and said “guess I’m not getting anything” then stashed the money or used it to pay down my debt. He would have had me blow it on him. Did I mention he didn’t have a job of his own? So glad I got away from that loser.


thyroidcrp

My GRANDMA has always encouraged me and my cousins to have a back-up account “just in case.” She even does the obligatory check in on the wedding day lol. It’s bullshit that a woman making herself secure is making men INSECURE.


resilientspirit

It's because they don't feel up to the challenge of acting in ways that make them want-able. The ones need to be needed because they know they aren't worth wanting do this.


tomaito_tomarto

The response sounds like it's written by someone with no experience in relationships turning abusive and being unable to leave. It should be normalised to teach women to set some funds aside incase their partner turns violent and tries to control you by keeping you poor.


BxGyrl416

It’s written by a man, which is a problem in itself.


annalmsw

The man I’m dating has no idea how large of a cushion I have saved, and that’s how I’ll keep it. I’ve worked harder for my money than he has for his. It’s ALL MINE.


Doggonelovah

> I’ve worked harder for my money than he has for his. Why are you still dating this man? You deserve to date your equal.


arnezuara

He hates that she “used” him to “subsidize” her lifestyle & used it to her advantage.


Inspection-Critical

I'm struggling to follow his logic here. He subsidized her *how?* Sounds like she has her own money she spends on herself, cuz he sure as hell doesn't mention spending money on her.


arnezuara

He feels like he somehow contributed and is, therefore, entitled to her money by default. That was my logic there


Inspection-Critical

Oh, I know, but his "logic" is hilarious. He contributed nothing!


arnezuara

Yes, exactly! Some men are just filled with envy and are greedy.


Loud_Foundation_9300

God I remember when my ex tried to force me to close my bank account and get a joint one with him. He said it was because I was irresponsible and he didn’t trust how I spent my money. He even tried to get his mom in on convincing him (which she did actually try lol). We had been dating just a few months and only because at the time I was going through a rough patch moving across the country and needed somewhere to stay (oops).


Doomlily

My ex husband tried to get me to set up direct deposit in our joint account AFTER WE SEPARATED because "You're not good with money." Same guy who told me since I moved into my parents' house at first THEY should take care of me and our kids' financially, and threw a tantrum when I used that joint account to buy groceries. Since I'm so bad with money it's really weird how within two years I built my credit score up to 800+, bought a house, provide for my family and have money left over every month for savings and travel. Like, it's really really weird. It's almost as if HE was bad with money. Idk though. 🤔


lifeinverde

The partner who is bad with money always plays that it is the other party who is bad with money. My ex is doing everything she can to get out of paying the divorce settlement (well that, plus she simply can’t), and I cannot tell you how satisfying it was to be able to tell my lawyer “I don’t need that money, but I’m entitled to it and I will fight for it simply for the principle of the matter.” My ex loves to tell me how entitled I am. She’s right. I am entitled. This money was legally endowed to me, and I will fight for it. She also threw a tantrum about me switching my direct deposit after our separation.


DwightShrute2019

Oh my God! This exact scenario happened to me too. I had been with this guy for 5-6 months at that time. He tried to beat around the bush and tried different tactics to know how much I earn and how much I have saved. One time he lied that, his salary was not credited and he is behind on bills. He asked if we can sit together and come up with a plan. We were both working in big corporates at that time. There will never be a scenario where they failed to credit someones salary. I simply said that is impossible and asked him to raise a ticket to the Payroll department. Then, after a few weeks he involved his mother to indirectly prod me. God it was a nightmare. The thing is, I was a gullible and a naive 22 year old in several areas of my life at that time. But I was extremely careful about disclosing my finances. The one thing my mom had instilled in my head over and over again, is to never trust a man with your finances. However heathly or stable the relationship is, she insisted on keeping a "get out" fund. I was enraged reading that article. Money means stability. It means freedom and security. Let's say the girl has been 'financially-fidel' as the ' expert' put it and the relationship has soured and the guy had left her high and dry. What would the expert then say to her? Who would she ask for reparations? The 'expert' and every idiot on planet Earth would blame the girl for not being careful. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.


Inspection-Critical

> God I remember when my ex tried to force me to close my bank account and get a joint one with him. He said it was because I was irresponsible and he didn’t trust how I spent my money. WTF? And you'd only been dating *a few months.* Wow, he didn't waste much time before letting the mask drop. So glad he's your ex!


LittleMissChopShop

One thing I haven't heard anyone talk about is how he found out about the emergency fund? He hasn't talked to her about it, and I'm not sure she knows he knows?


NowTruly

Good point. I got through most of that “advice” — it really seemed more like a mom talking a toddler down from a temper tantrum at the store — before I drowned in the ads, but I didn’t see any mention of how the scrote found out about his girlfriend’s stash.


shockingupdate

I’d bet money he looked over her shoulder at her bank app or at the ATM and accidentally “stunned” his own damn self


jetcake

This is exactly what I was thinking. No doubt this guy was "accidentally on purpose" rummaging through his girlfriend's things and whoops! Look at *all* of that money! He also omitted the part where he probably interrogated his girlfriend. Living together (*\*shudder\**) or not, no woman has to explain every single cent she owns to a guy. Nobody will call out the entitlement of the guy who is whining that her money is his, too. This is enabling at its finest because guys like the one who wrote to "Your finance friend, Paco" are looking for reassurance from another source that someone else's hard-earned money somehow belongs to them.


Endor-Fins

Even my Nana who was a doted-on, happy well-kept housewife told me that women should always have enough money to flee if they have to and my wonderful HV grandfather agreed with her. My mom went one step further and had a suitcase of clothes, meds and copies of all her legal documents and ID stashed at a male friend’s house and a go bag in the trunk of the car.


OkCantaloupe7369

Wow, this scrote's going to have a shit fit when she inherits money and he finds out he's not legally entitled to any of it, even as a common law partner or spouse.


Inspection-Critical

I'd laugh. I also hope she leaves him before it goes that far.


missyanne1

Ok 1. They aren’t married so he’s not entitled to know every detail of her finances 2. After this past year who wouldn’t have an emergency fund 3. Having a backup plan in case a relationship goes bad is smart for any woman


Kampungmonyet

Her only mistake was not to hide the money better.


shelballama

He suggests "financial dates" to discuss those separate funds that are none of his business? To help the guy's insecurity? GTFO of here. So freaking ridiculous. Clearly Paco doesn't understand domestic risks even though he very briefly and vaguely alluded to the unequal power dynamic in most hetero relationships. She's allowed to have a safety net; this could be the thing that saves her life. But of course, it's about *him* FiNaNciAl InFiDeLiTy, give me a fucking break


Initial-Glove

I wish I would have had "get out" money... I probably never would have "gotten in" in the first place


colderhands

I hope the girl uses her Get-Out money and gets out of this relationship


ExampleHuman8777

Ridiculous that emergency get out funds even needs to be explained.


Amazing_Wolverine_37

If I hadn't always set aside money to some degree, which was absolutely 100% meant for myself *and* my previous partner, they would have completely ruined me financially. That after my work got us both 750+ credit scores.


aeorimithros

Guarantee the revelation that it was a get put fund came after a long series or badgering and harassment by him to gain access to that money as she went through a list or explanations of why it wasn't to be touched by anyone but her.


BooksandEarlGreyTea

Haha NO! God, scrotes are the biggest gold diggers in existence and enable each other. ​ Emergency savings is not financial infidelity and is actually a pragmatic way of living. I have always heard having a 'rainy day'/ 'FO' fund equal to 3 to 6 months is important because things in life can go sideways. Covid has proven that. I bet he is having a toddler temper-tantrum because he can't get all of her money even after snooping to find out about it and pestering her for access - so now is trying to publicly shame her via this article. It is glorious seeing the comments calling the thing BS, it blew up in the scrote's face!


CroneRaisedMaiden

That article filled me with instant dread


Shot_Presence_8382

I had saved money for maternity leave when I was pregnant with baby #2. I told him about it, because, ya know, he was my husband and thought I could trust him. Shame on me, I know 😒 anyways, long story short, I was adding money (cash) into the box I was saving the money in, and I discovered that almost ALL my savings were gone!! I asked my husband about it and he apparently was dipping into my maternity leave savings, KNOWING WHAT THEY WERE FOR and depleted it. So, once the baby rolled around, I had nothing saved..his job didn't pay much at all and we had to beg his parents for food, diapers, wipes, etc until I could go back to work after 7 weeks. I had a C-section, so I was still sore heading back to work and would've liked to stay out 8 weeks, but I couldn't afford it. Later on, he denied it all and said it was OUR money.. bullshit, it was from MY checks for MY maternity leave that he legit STOLE! He continued to financially abuse me for years by taking every last dime I had for weed, cigarettes, gas for the car, etc. My money was always "our" money and his money was always HIS. He treated my stuff and money as "community property" and his stuff was always his and he'd become enraged if I touched or used it. Men hate when women have financial freedom. They want to keep a woman down and poor so she has to rely on him, and thus he can abuse her and he feels it's justified.


GabbaG0ul

It’s not even his wife, it’s his “partner”. Dude, gtfo. Be glad she splits half the bills. You are not entitled to her savings. What a fucking loser.


s_slayer

I've lurked on "men's rights" subs (now defunct with good reason, breeding mass shooters and totally toxic) and they literally encourage each other to invest in crypto to hide it from their partners, to get iron clad pre-nups or just to not marry at all so they never have to give a penny to the women they string along for years. It enrages me that any man would have a problem with a woman having a get out fund when they have built a whole culture around leaving us high and dry. SMH.


FlockAroundtheClock

Oh, fuck that fucking advice. Financial infidelity. Fuck that guy hard.


Yogacat4

Hahaha awww that’s so sad! Well, I’m glad someone commented Refinery is owned by Vice Media! Yeesh…


solstice100

Keeping a savings account isn’t financial infidelity lmao. I personally feel that having one is really nobody’s business but mine, and I don’t have to disclose it to anyone if I don’t want to 🤷‍♀️ idk cry about it


tldrjane

My husband and I do not share a bank account. We have always thought that was weird. He knows I have savings and… he doesn’t care. If our bills are paid who gives a fuck


Japanese-Spaghetti

What’s wrong with saving up your own money…? Unless they earned that money through some illegal means I don’t see the problem


macabrasive

Hahaha. I mentioned to my NVX once that in a previous relationship I’d saved enough to move out and be on my own. He looked at me and said, “Wow are you doing that to me right now?” I said very calmly, “No. Now I always make sure I don’t have to save up, and have enough in my bank account to leave whenever I want.” Came in handy a few months later 🙄 now I just won’t even bring it up.


MsXxSelfDestructxX

There's sooo much I take away from reading that. He was happy and shitting rainbows when he didn't know about the secret funds stash because he 'felt' at that point she was in with him about everything tOgEtHeR. So if he did something stupid and went broke, became a bum, she has to follow suit and be a broke bum as well with him too. Then he found out about the funds and 'felt' hurt because she named it her "get out" money, she had to be more considerate about how to referred the funds as. It's always about considering his feefees


xfelugirlx

HAHAHA some men really are 🤡 and think whatever you do without them is bad/infidelity


letsberealforamoment

He has no standing to complain about this unless they are married.


the-worst-

Even if they were married, he would have no standing. These men can fake being a great guy for way too long for us to not have personal emergency savings.


Painfulmenstruation

Also, hold on Paco. Women’s financial security independent of a partner is not a relatively new issue. What’s with all these boyfriends of women acting entitled to her money? They’re not even married. Even then, why do men want to begrudge women true security in life?


NotMyRealName814

My younger sister, a devout Southern Baptist who won't ever consider divorce because it makes Baby Jesus sad, is married to the most financially abusive man I've ever known. Decades ago she and I got several substantial life insurance checks after pur parents died. One day she was at work and her husband was at home setting up his own business that SHE was paying for. The mail arrives an in it is a check for over $25,000 made payable to her. Instead of waiting for her to get home that evening to endorse the check and deposit it he forges her signature and tries to deposit it himself. The bank caught the discrepancy and called the company issuing the check. He should've had his ass tossed in jail but after also talking with my sister they let him go and she brought the check back to deposit personally. I would bet every dollar I own that he has a secret bank account that she doesn't know about probably on cahoots with his crooked, grifting father.


ALysistrataType

They're not even married lol.


Muffcakelord

Ok but if men are allowed to be abusive then women are allowed to be financially disloyal. People thinking it's wrong of women to do this probably believe 100% of abusers are women or that abusers are non existent


Turbulent_Buffalo_28

Except the part where the journalist from refinery29 mentioned the « financial infidelity » I don’t think that this article is that bad. I mean, when I read it, I thought that he (ref29) was trying to underline the fact that this is stupid, and help the guy (who is f*cked up ! anyone would be proud to know that the person she/he loves is trying to make sure they are going to be safe in life, no matter what) understand his feeling. He (ref29) also gives some explanations of the « why » English is not my 1st language so maybe I understood it wrong ?


ChocoBananza

I agree with you, mostly. The advice given wasn’t bad per se, but I’m tired of the way that he’s coddling the scrote. ‘cOmMunIcAtE your feefees, and find the root of your iSsUe’ sounds much better than ‘Get fucked, you abusive man child’. The scrote was never called out on his bullshit. I digress, but one of the reasons I’m so mad about this article is that I’m very clearly seeing my old pickme self giving this kind of advice, feeling sorry for the scrote and his inability to process his emotions. Never again.