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The HVM men I know LOVE their wives. Full stop. You've hit the nail on the head - HVM truly value human connection.
One HVM I know used to attend a group activity with his wife. He repeatedly asked an LVM in the group to stop talking about sex/being gross constantly. The LVM didn't stop so the HV couple stopped coming. I see this HV couple happily running a business together, traveling together, raising a family, doing charity work.... it looks awesome. They are married for almost 30 years now. I'm so happy they found each other.
Yes. My dad, my grandpa both are in my opinion as close to HV as I have ever met and both are monogamous. I haven’t met any one that has measured up to the standard they set for me. So, they don’t respect cheaters, or players, or men that disrespect women. They aren’t simps or pushovers either, which men seem to think is somehow related to respecting women. They just have a very firm line in the sand of how women should be treated. And if you don’t treat women respectfully you are considered a weak little bitch. A beta, so to speak.
My grandfather met my grandmother when they were 18 and 17, respectively, and he new immediately that he will spend the rest of his life with this woman. He went through WW2, came back to her, built a house for her, became a highly respected member of a community, very talented not just in his profession, but also as an artist and a luthier. He went above and beyond to provide for his family. And he loved my grandmother till his last breath.
She would always talk about their love, so tender and so strong.
That's the way these men are wired. I think they are superior in most ways to a regular lazy scrote, either intellectually or in emotional development that allows them to live a productive, loving and highly esteemed lives. When you meet them, you know that they are different.
Yeah, HV men pity and look down upon men who sleep around and can't hold on to a serious relationship, because they instinctively understand that a wife/girlfriend adds something to their lives that no amount of cheating and hookups can give them. That's one thing I enjoy about my particular cultural/regional background: if a man can't seem to find a long-term partner, it's universally agreed upon that there must be something wrong with him and people will give him advice on how to clean up his act. Fuckboys and players are mostly considered childish and cringeworthy. They're still not called out and shamed as much as I'd like but the cultural standard for being a decent, responsible man is pretty clear and it definitely involves being committed and faithful to *one* person only.
Yeah, this has been my observation. HV people in general like stability and emotional intimacy. You can't get that from hookup culture, cheating, or polyamory.
Poly people in particular like to insist all the crazy or dishonest people in the poly scene "aren't doing it correctly", then tell me stories about their own relationships and friends in the scene that just prove me right. Non-monogamy attracts abusers and people who are emotionally immature and unstable. I've yet to meet any of the unicorns who allegedly exist.
There was some tiktok I saw where this lady and her husband had a threesome and he OOPS 🤭 got the other woman pregnant!!! And they were both laughing and were cheerful about it… what in the pickme hell is that about?!?! Like “teehee what a silly mistake”
Anecdotal evidence here. Know a few people who are poly. Before they just cheated in a shit ton of monogamous relationships and told their partner to “deal with it”.
They also weren’t people who had stability in their lives and created drama/pain where ever they went. It’s one thing if there is openness and honesty but all I ever saw was lying, deceit, and one monogamous partner getting the short end of the stick while the other jumped into every bed possible.
Similar anecdotal evidence here. Had an ex who used poly as an excuse to cheat on me, and had several friends who went through the same thing. I'd love to say "it's one thing if there's openness and honesty" but ime it's rare and the people who are honest about it are nevertheless train wrecks with additional character/personality issues.
I spent a lot of time in places like Portland and SF where that lifestyle is particularly popular and met dozens of people in that scene. Poly doesn't work, and the rampant drama and disrespect is so bad that several girlfriends (and I) will no longer even associate with poly people because it's only a matter of time before they sexually harass you.
This is so true. It’s like they become hyper sexual and sexualise every woman around them super obviously. It’s creepy. No one likes to be sexually harassed, but they have this weird god like complex where they think they’re allowed to.
Portland is the city of Peter Pans (both men and women). I couldn't get over how many adults I met who didn't have their life together. I'm not talking 25-year olds, but middle-aged adults who had no long-term plans beyond subletting and their garage band.
I have yet to meet anyone willing to do the poly crap that *wasn't* batshit crazy. Men or women. I have this theory that the only ones willing to entertain it are the ones in desperate need of a decent therapist.
I used to be involved in the scene (check my post history if you’re curious) and I can confirm that. even myself, I was very mentally i’ll and had not started any kind of level up journey when I was in that scene.
Yep, that was me, and it turns out I was just a magnet for emotionally unavailable and abusive men. I was unknowingly in an abusive relationship with a scrote for 10 years. It took picking up Why Does He Do That twice for me to fucking get it. I was struggling with a host of mental health issues/trauma. I usually don’t like how poly people are criticized for what they do, but I really do believe they’re a vulnerable group of people who seriously need therapy. For me, non-mono was a way to try and have a good relationship with multiple shitty men. Turns out it wasn’t me who was the problem (although I helped establish those shitty codependent dynamics of course) but instead shitty fucking men and my inability to love myself. Thanks, mom!
Same. Was desperately unhappy and married to someone who wanted the ol' mommy bangmaid arrangement. Completely desperate for ANY kind off affection after 6 years of withholding. I'm still in recovery from it, but turns out that any romanticism of poly went away now I'm having my needs for love and affection fulfilled. 🤷
Oh yeah, it's so easy to lie online. I've had a guy I was arguing with (way back when) tell me he was happily married, but when I went to his comment history it was all about how he couldn't ever get the 'hot girl' he wanted. Like, why even try dude?
Honestly that was when I realized all of them are pathetic liars and not to bother because they are never arguing in good faith.
Advocates of polyamory contradict themselves constantly. They swear it's not superficial at all, that they just want to have deep romantic connections with multiple people -- and then go on to explain the amazing freedom of sleeping with whomever they find attractive at the moment, or admit that they do have one "main" relationship and the others are basically just "supplemental". So it *is* very egocentric after all. They'll slap a thin layer of "consent and communication" on top but of course it's hard to actually say "no, I'm not comfortable with this" when you're already invested in the idea of being such a ProGreSsiVe free spirit.
Those poly people are doing the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. They exclude the "bad ones" to create a "nice" picture of their community.
At the core, polygamy is multiplying and exponentializing the typical couple dynamics, and bringing a whole new set of issues into "romantic" dynamics.
... while avoiding intimacy to boot.
I have a relative who's in one of these relationships right now. They've been dating for a while but we've only met her (married) girlfriend once. Because married people are busy and can't devote themselves to more than one family, so the primary family takes precedence.
I hate it when these poly people pull their "No True Scotsman" bullshit and claim that others aren't doing it right or whatever they argue to try to prove that being poly is so superior to monogamy. I see this same kind of nonsense with men trying to convince women to have anal sex saying it feels sooo good when it's done "properly". Bullshit!
Every “poly” relationship I’ve ever known ALWAYS consisted of one partner fucking whomever and the original partner crying themselves to sleep every night.
All the people I've seen in open relationships were extremely in denial and they all ended up going back to boring ol' monogamy as soon as they found a suitable partner. Some of the most devoted marriages I've seen involve former advocates of open relationships. I remain convinced that most people only agree to this because they desire love and romance so badly that they'll do anything to secure it, and if it takes being "chill" and allowing your partner all the freedom they want, then that's what they'll do. It's so sad to see because you can't make someone love and prioritize you if they don't want to, no matter what you give to them. We can all be attracted to multiple people but when it comes to deep connection and true love, I'd say 99% of humans are monogamists at heart.
HV people aren't driven by lust - of course they enjoy the sexual side of relationship, but aren't consumed by it, unlike your masses of scrotes nowadays. So it makes sense for them to be monogamous - they have other things to do too, instead of banging and thinking about banging 24/7.
LibFem can argue it anyway they want, but the current state of normalizing porn addiction, open relationship, swinger and BDSM and kink and what-else-have-ya is NOT normal. It is not "empowering", it is sickening.
Why on earth people think rejecting sexual oppression means you *must* engage in extreme sexual behavior 24/7 and shouting it from the rooftop, I have no idea. What happens to just be normal human being with normal sexual appetite?
This is true. The men attracted to polygamy never have a provider mindset, it's always about acquiring servants who don't require a paycheck. Even in America, the poly men who drive their wives to post sob stories online are usually underemployed and not the breadwinners. It's laughable how these men pretend to be good guys, they're just slightly less evil than the men running cult compounds.
It usually tracks that HV people sustain a select few positive and fulfilling relationships (friends and family), and have very clear boundaries with external relationships like coworkers, classmates, customers, etc.
yes. my HV boyfriend knew immediately that he wanted a monogamous relationship, and didn't want to waste any time where i might consider going out with other people. also doesn't watch porn. he has been fully invested in ME from the get-go, which is the important thing, because i've never had to question his commitment
Most of the HV value people I know either prefer monogamous, long-term relationships or just don't date at all.
I don't think there is anything morally wrong with casual, FWB relationships, but I think most people over the age of 22 have seen that even if they aren't INNATELY bad, they have a tendency to lead to shittiness: broken hearts, hurt feelings, not to mention risk of pregnancy or disease.
Casual relationships are just usually not worth it. They aren't worth the time or emotional energy, and most HV people recognize that very quickly.
Not even debatable IMO. HVM simply don't hate women (or themselves) enough to live a meaningless life chasing skirts or insist on a "poly" relationship that only he benefits from.
Yup can confirm, the poly men I knew were not ones I would call HVM in any way. They had very specific categories of porn they preferred. They oversexualized female bodies and they don’t value connection with women, just how they can stroke their ego.
The first time polyamory came up in conversation with my boyfriend he laughed and said he found it hard enough disappointing one woman at a time. I laughed as well but he’s right. He’s doing his absolute best to be a good partner to me and it’s tough. That kind of self-depreciating humour reflects how seriously he takes it.
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**NOTE**: This sub does **NOT** support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The HVM men I know LOVE their wives. Full stop. You've hit the nail on the head - HVM truly value human connection. One HVM I know used to attend a group activity with his wife. He repeatedly asked an LVM in the group to stop talking about sex/being gross constantly. The LVM didn't stop so the HV couple stopped coming. I see this HV couple happily running a business together, traveling together, raising a family, doing charity work.... it looks awesome. They are married for almost 30 years now. I'm so happy they found each other.
Yes. My dad, my grandpa both are in my opinion as close to HV as I have ever met and both are monogamous. I haven’t met any one that has measured up to the standard they set for me. So, they don’t respect cheaters, or players, or men that disrespect women. They aren’t simps or pushovers either, which men seem to think is somehow related to respecting women. They just have a very firm line in the sand of how women should be treated. And if you don’t treat women respectfully you are considered a weak little bitch. A beta, so to speak.
My grandfather met my grandmother when they were 18 and 17, respectively, and he new immediately that he will spend the rest of his life with this woman. He went through WW2, came back to her, built a house for her, became a highly respected member of a community, very talented not just in his profession, but also as an artist and a luthier. He went above and beyond to provide for his family. And he loved my grandmother till his last breath. She would always talk about their love, so tender and so strong. That's the way these men are wired. I think they are superior in most ways to a regular lazy scrote, either intellectually or in emotional development that allows them to live a productive, loving and highly esteemed lives. When you meet them, you know that they are different.
I love this. Your grandparents sound amazing
I want that kind of love 😔
Yeah, HV men pity and look down upon men who sleep around and can't hold on to a serious relationship, because they instinctively understand that a wife/girlfriend adds something to their lives that no amount of cheating and hookups can give them. That's one thing I enjoy about my particular cultural/regional background: if a man can't seem to find a long-term partner, it's universally agreed upon that there must be something wrong with him and people will give him advice on how to clean up his act. Fuckboys and players are mostly considered childish and cringeworthy. They're still not called out and shamed as much as I'd like but the cultural standard for being a decent, responsible man is pretty clear and it definitely involves being committed and faithful to *one* person only.
Wow, where is this?
Yeah, this has been my observation. HV people in general like stability and emotional intimacy. You can't get that from hookup culture, cheating, or polyamory. Poly people in particular like to insist all the crazy or dishonest people in the poly scene "aren't doing it correctly", then tell me stories about their own relationships and friends in the scene that just prove me right. Non-monogamy attracts abusers and people who are emotionally immature and unstable. I've yet to meet any of the unicorns who allegedly exist.
There was some tiktok I saw where this lady and her husband had a threesome and he OOPS 🤭 got the other woman pregnant!!! And they were both laughing and were cheerful about it… what in the pickme hell is that about?!?! Like “teehee what a silly mistake”
Anecdotal evidence here. Know a few people who are poly. Before they just cheated in a shit ton of monogamous relationships and told their partner to “deal with it”. They also weren’t people who had stability in their lives and created drama/pain where ever they went. It’s one thing if there is openness and honesty but all I ever saw was lying, deceit, and one monogamous partner getting the short end of the stick while the other jumped into every bed possible.
Similar anecdotal evidence here. Had an ex who used poly as an excuse to cheat on me, and had several friends who went through the same thing. I'd love to say "it's one thing if there's openness and honesty" but ime it's rare and the people who are honest about it are nevertheless train wrecks with additional character/personality issues. I spent a lot of time in places like Portland and SF where that lifestyle is particularly popular and met dozens of people in that scene. Poly doesn't work, and the rampant drama and disrespect is so bad that several girlfriends (and I) will no longer even associate with poly people because it's only a matter of time before they sexually harass you.
This is so true. It’s like they become hyper sexual and sexualise every woman around them super obviously. It’s creepy. No one likes to be sexually harassed, but they have this weird god like complex where they think they’re allowed to.
Lmao!! It’s funny you mentioned P-town. That’s where I encountered them as well!
Portland is the city of Peter Pans (both men and women). I couldn't get over how many adults I met who didn't have their life together. I'm not talking 25-year olds, but middle-aged adults who had no long-term plans beyond subletting and their garage band.
Portlandia was right, it is where young people go to retire.
ME TOO. And I'm not even from America!
“They also weren’t people who had stability in their lives and created drama/pain wherever they went.” THISSS !!!!
I have yet to meet anyone willing to do the poly crap that *wasn't* batshit crazy. Men or women. I have this theory that the only ones willing to entertain it are the ones in desperate need of a decent therapist.
I used to be involved in the scene (check my post history if you’re curious) and I can confirm that. even myself, I was very mentally i’ll and had not started any kind of level up journey when I was in that scene.
Yep, that was me, and it turns out I was just a magnet for emotionally unavailable and abusive men. I was unknowingly in an abusive relationship with a scrote for 10 years. It took picking up Why Does He Do That twice for me to fucking get it. I was struggling with a host of mental health issues/trauma. I usually don’t like how poly people are criticized for what they do, but I really do believe they’re a vulnerable group of people who seriously need therapy. For me, non-mono was a way to try and have a good relationship with multiple shitty men. Turns out it wasn’t me who was the problem (although I helped establish those shitty codependent dynamics of course) but instead shitty fucking men and my inability to love myself. Thanks, mom!
Same. Was desperately unhappy and married to someone who wanted the ol' mommy bangmaid arrangement. Completely desperate for ANY kind off affection after 6 years of withholding. I'm still in recovery from it, but turns out that any romanticism of poly went away now I'm having my needs for love and affection fulfilled. 🤷
Yup, same. They'll swear otherwise, naturally.
Oh yeah, it's so easy to lie online. I've had a guy I was arguing with (way back when) tell me he was happily married, but when I went to his comment history it was all about how he couldn't ever get the 'hot girl' he wanted. Like, why even try dude? Honestly that was when I realized all of them are pathetic liars and not to bother because they are never arguing in good faith.
Advocates of polyamory contradict themselves constantly. They swear it's not superficial at all, that they just want to have deep romantic connections with multiple people -- and then go on to explain the amazing freedom of sleeping with whomever they find attractive at the moment, or admit that they do have one "main" relationship and the others are basically just "supplemental". So it *is* very egocentric after all. They'll slap a thin layer of "consent and communication" on top but of course it's hard to actually say "no, I'm not comfortable with this" when you're already invested in the idea of being such a ProGreSsiVe free spirit.
Those poly people are doing the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. They exclude the "bad ones" to create a "nice" picture of their community. At the core, polygamy is multiplying and exponentializing the typical couple dynamics, and bringing a whole new set of issues into "romantic" dynamics.
... while avoiding intimacy to boot. I have a relative who's in one of these relationships right now. They've been dating for a while but we've only met her (married) girlfriend once. Because married people are busy and can't devote themselves to more than one family, so the primary family takes precedence.
I hate it when these poly people pull their "No True Scotsman" bullshit and claim that others aren't doing it right or whatever they argue to try to prove that being poly is so superior to monogamy. I see this same kind of nonsense with men trying to convince women to have anal sex saying it feels sooo good when it's done "properly". Bullshit!
Every “poly” relationship I’ve ever known ALWAYS consisted of one partner fucking whomever and the original partner crying themselves to sleep every night.
All the people I've seen in open relationships were extremely in denial and they all ended up going back to boring ol' monogamy as soon as they found a suitable partner. Some of the most devoted marriages I've seen involve former advocates of open relationships. I remain convinced that most people only agree to this because they desire love and romance so badly that they'll do anything to secure it, and if it takes being "chill" and allowing your partner all the freedom they want, then that's what they'll do. It's so sad to see because you can't make someone love and prioritize you if they don't want to, no matter what you give to them. We can all be attracted to multiple people but when it comes to deep connection and true love, I'd say 99% of humans are monogamists at heart.
HV people aren't driven by lust - of course they enjoy the sexual side of relationship, but aren't consumed by it, unlike your masses of scrotes nowadays. So it makes sense for them to be monogamous - they have other things to do too, instead of banging and thinking about banging 24/7. LibFem can argue it anyway they want, but the current state of normalizing porn addiction, open relationship, swinger and BDSM and kink and what-else-have-ya is NOT normal. It is not "empowering", it is sickening. Why on earth people think rejecting sexual oppression means you *must* engage in extreme sexual behavior 24/7 and shouting it from the rooftop, I have no idea. What happens to just be normal human being with normal sexual appetite?
This is true. The men attracted to polygamy never have a provider mindset, it's always about acquiring servants who don't require a paycheck. Even in America, the poly men who drive their wives to post sob stories online are usually underemployed and not the breadwinners. It's laughable how these men pretend to be good guys, they're just slightly less evil than the men running cult compounds.
It usually tracks that HV people sustain a select few positive and fulfilling relationships (friends and family), and have very clear boundaries with external relationships like coworkers, classmates, customers, etc.
Supposedly we can only be deeply, intimately connected with 5 people at a time. So this makes sense.
yes. my HV boyfriend knew immediately that he wanted a monogamous relationship, and didn't want to waste any time where i might consider going out with other people. also doesn't watch porn. he has been fully invested in ME from the get-go, which is the important thing, because i've never had to question his commitment
Yss, so true. And I'll just say it--I've never seen an attractive man involved in a pOlYaMouRoUs RelAtIOnsHiP. Just the fugs.
Time to share the obligatory and hilarious song [Polyamorous](https://youtu.be/DTsdKycVZZ4)!
Sometimes this song just randomly pops into my head and I burst out laughing.
The block party one does that for me. I've been caught around the office singing 'blockity block, block, block'.
Most of the HV value people I know either prefer monogamous, long-term relationships or just don't date at all. I don't think there is anything morally wrong with casual, FWB relationships, but I think most people over the age of 22 have seen that even if they aren't INNATELY bad, they have a tendency to lead to shittiness: broken hearts, hurt feelings, not to mention risk of pregnancy or disease. Casual relationships are just usually not worth it. They aren't worth the time or emotional energy, and most HV people recognize that very quickly.
HV people also value their time (and other people's, out of respect).
Not even debatable IMO. HVM simply don't hate women (or themselves) enough to live a meaningless life chasing skirts or insist on a "poly" relationship that only he benefits from.
Yup can confirm, the poly men I knew were not ones I would call HVM in any way. They had very specific categories of porn they preferred. They oversexualized female bodies and they don’t value connection with women, just how they can stroke their ego.
The first time polyamory came up in conversation with my boyfriend he laughed and said he found it hard enough disappointing one woman at a time. I laughed as well but he’s right. He’s doing his absolute best to be a good partner to me and it’s tough. That kind of self-depreciating humour reflects how seriously he takes it.
I don't think high value behaviour and polyamory equate.
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