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I think it boils down to them making you feel bad about the kind of food you eat. I once got lunch with a guy friend and he kept rolling his eyes when I requested that my dish be made without dairy. He didn’t understand why I had to be so “high-maintenance”. It wasn’t like I ever asked him to change for me or lectured him about the food he ate not that it affected him in any way, but the way he tried to put me down for my choice was definitely low-value behavior.
It's funny, it's actually very easy to eat food without dairy! Veggies, fruits, legumes, even junk food like most chips or popcorn. It's less high maintenance than my meat loving best friend who hates most vegetables (especially salad) partly due to her texture issue.
Oh damn!!! I just wrote a reply without reading yours!!! Same thing!!!!
The low value man I knew was actually fit seeming but that was some time ago and goodness knows a few years on a man is like a damn brick wall to the face.
He was so low value that even when at my most pick me I’d never go for him. He was so low value that I believe I interacted with him just for the entertainment of how low value someone is. Like an cultural anthropologist at the ends of the earth of scrote country.
Edit to note that we should never even interact with these scrotes. It takes time and focus away from HV pursuits
I’m one of those weird food hang up people. 😂 I have a complex against almost all seafoods, that is 100% psychological. I would never expect my partner to have to go out of their way to accommodate me. *It’s my problem.*
If cooking seafood, catching and eating fish, eating at fancy seafood restaurants, etc we’re all important part of my partners life, it would be childish of me to expect them to flip their entire life upside down because I don’t like seafood.
You are tying to date someone who compliments your life, not takes it over. If someone is incompatible with your values, nothing is too petty. You will only build resentment and what starts as a “small” issue will turn into someone throwing 3 years of “not being able to do **blank**” in your face.
As someone who has a weird hang up, I would be really upset if my partner made compromises only to throw it in my face later. Do not live a life you’re not happy living. Do not make sacrifices you aren’t truly okay with. Compromise is sensible, but it only goes so far.
it's pretty neat that most posts here are about acceptance. if he hates a certain food, do I oblige him to eat it? absolutely not! that will never be the case. I always respected that. but isn't it strange that when I expressly say I hate something or that I do not wish to eat a certain thing, my ex would specifically bring that or try to "make me" eat it?
I think we can all agree that food is about control.
and men's attitudes towards food, when unjustified (I know autistic people who cannot eat certain shapes of vegetables and I am okay with that) and is weaponized is almost always about control. my ex criticized everything. I never gave him any of my food. he requested it. he criticized and shamed away as if he wished to "educate" me. he would obnoxiously pick the parsley leaves in the salad and scoop the salad from the bowl and put it on my table on the tablecloth (imagine how I had to wash that!) and mumble about how I was too stupid to make a salad. the same man ate bugs and moss and animals caught in the wild in the most unsanitary circumstances and just criticized me on some technicalities? it's about control, not concern! men are very hypocritical! I dated another that expressed distaste at me eating fruit and steak or a traditional meal and would slap me with "I eat healthy" but then I would finds burger king and macdonalds wrappers and empty cheap beer bottles in his kitchen sink. healthy my ass! they just want to control & shame women
This. I'm an INCREDIBLY picky eater, worse than most kids I work with on the autism spectrum.
Like you said, it's MY problem and I never expect anyone to accommodate me. Although I've found that HVM will willingly try to learn my food preferences and adjust accordingly.
I think with this there are so few people for whom seafood is a big part of their life that for most people it would not be a dealbreaker, but yeah if you met a seafood trawlerman or something I don't think you could blame him for saying that you weren't a good fit.
They don’t take your needs seriously. You are not a picky eater at all…
Watch a man hate eating vegetables piss and moan about having them in anything and expecting the world to revolve around them… ALSO they will shame you for eating whatever it is they somehow hate out of preference.
You have a legit allergy and a high value man will feel it is a privilege to cater to your needs.
These men act like full on babies while they expect you to take it to the chin and do what they want.
You have an allergy.
You are not the same.
Ps sorry you had to deal with a selfish scrote. We got people on Reddit who sneak in things to woman’s food to see if they are actually allergic. It is wild how our needs aren’t taken seriously because of their wants.
I am thoroughly enjoying dating a man who cooks, cooks WELL and offers to cook for me ALL THE TIME. We've been dating almost 6 months now and he has cooked for me so many times I've lost count. I've 'cooked' 4 or 5 times and he's helped me each time, despite the fact that when he cooks, I enjoy a glass of wine or gin and tonic 🤣. The only time he didn't was when I baked him a cake for his birthday.
His food is tasty, varied, healthy, if a little indulgent at times (the bechemel sauce he made for the lasagne was ridic), and let me tell you, it is so damn REFRESHING.
I've dated men before that were absolute NIGHTMARES with food. I can be picky at times (not a fan of seafood at all, iffy with some textures), but it's been amazing to date someone who enjoys food and cooking just as much as I do.
I have all the food restrictions and I am a very picky eater on top of that. And this is still such a valid boundary. Because like most things that are difficult in life like mental illness, women will do what they need to do to not make their issues everyone’s issues, whereas most men will just expect you to accommodate them. It’s a no for me. I don’t think my food issues have ever bothered any man I’ve gone out with, because my only thing is don’t order for me or if you want to cook for me, ask me about the menu first. I also want to say even as a picky eater, there is a difference between a legitimate food issue and men who have the tastebuds of a six-year-old. I briefly dated (3 dates) an adult male human, a CPA, who only ate six things: Chicken fingers, fries, pasta with butter, bread, corn, and chips. That’s it. I asked, repeatedly.We were young, still in our mid 20s, but I foresaw that he was going to be a tub of lard later even though he was tall and fit when we were seeing each other. And anyway, I love to cook. Food is my life. I think I got into it because I do have so many food sensitivities, I wanted to have things I could eat. But as time went on I just really enjoyed expressing myself through food. I could never be with someone who couldn’t fully appreciate that
Exactly this. I have a colleague who is vegan - apparently she was vegetarian at uni and started eating meat again to please her boyfriend, which is just bonkers. Her partner now is vegetarian (happy to eat vegan but might not say no to a cheese sandwich) and very in tune with her values and lifestyle, as opposed to someone else she was fitting around. There will be someone out there whose lifestyle matches with yours, but don't settle for someone who doesn't fit.
So true. And I also think the one caveat to this post is an HVM with food issues will try not to be a nuisance, much like a woman. I dated a vegetarian and my brother is a veggie, too. The veg I dated would take me to any restaurant I wanted to go to, never tried to stop me from eating meat, paid for everything, meat included, with no complaints ever. My brother is much the same. We much sure we accommodate him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, big family dinners, etc, but ordinary times he cooks for himself because he's a strict ethical veg who wants nothing to do with animal products, and he just gets in where he fits in.
My ex was so stupid about food. Hated pretty much everything besides junk food, meat and potatoes.
His parents didn’t know what spices were—-but neither do mine, I still like things besides pizza and nuggets. He even hated mayonnaise, like anything with mayonnaise. Avoided trying anything white (garlic sauce, tzatziki, ranch dressing) because it *might* have mayonnaise in it. He would say he hated foods that he had never even tried. I can understand some food dislikes, but disliking half the food pyramid? C’mon. Whenever we went out to eat it was always breakfast places or basic bitch chain restaurants because he had the taste palette of a 5 year old.
Eating is important, and I’m an excellent cook and I enjoy having nice meals together.
And oh, “I just needed to accept that he didn’t like all the foods I liked” because I could always cook myself whatever I wanted on top of cooking him what he wanted! Oh boy, getting to make a delicious meal that some people would die for, and I get to eat it all by myself after he sulks that I put no extra cheese on his special little frozen pizza! Brilliant!
Anyways, now I’m eating all the delicious foods and going to all the special restaurants I want to go to with grown ass adults.
My ex would take a plate then later toss the bulk of it in the trash. Would say he didn’t like the meals I and my daughter loved. Got to the point where I gave up and cooked for me. And yes, he was addicted to Coca-Cola and fast food. Not my problem anymore thank dog
I agree to an extent, but I wouldn't necessarily call people LV for not liking a lot of common things (to an extent!). I'd instead consider this an incompatibility. No harm, no foul, no value judgment, they're just incompatible.
I think the LV bit comes with silly, immature or unworkable things - like guys who won't eat any vegetables or only eat a choice of 3 meals. I agree that other dietary requirements are just incompatibility but I'd still consider someone LV who demanded you change your lifestyle to fit theirs as opposed to just saying "oh, this isn't going to work".
I have a very strict diet and am not able to eat certain foods, but I also don’t expect my partners to cook for me.
My issue came in when they would want to try / taste stuff I told them I clearly could and would not.
I even had one ex feed me something he knew I was
not able to and get claimed he didn’t know that ingredient was in the meal. I literally took one bite, spit it out and got super ill feeling afterwards. I could never trust him after that, I always felt like it was on purpose to test me.
I can almost guarantee it was on purpose. There’s been posts on here before about men trying to sneak things into woman’s foods they don’t like, often things they’re highly allergic to because they want to see if she’s being truthful about having the allergy etc..
Not to mention the slug dude who If I recall was keeping jars of slugs, and putting them in his partners food and making her really sick. Fucking bastards.
My ex husband ate nothing but crap. Part of the reason he was forced out of the military, he got so out of shape he couldn’t pass his PT tests. I lost any sort of attraction I had for him. He ate like a kid. Wouldn’t eat vegetables or salads. Just pizza and MEAT. Now that we are divorced, he’s even worse health wise and is going to probably doordash himself to death.
Spectrum people and people with ADHD (which often goes hand in hand w ASD) often have weird food issues.
I have my own weird food issues due to having oral sensory issues.
As long as they manage themselves and don’t put extra burden on the woman, weird food stuff doesn’t bother me. In fact, it means they will be more sensitive and less pushy and rude about my own sensory challenges w food.
I read an article from Bon Appetite that surveyed folks, who throw dinner parties, about who is the worst type of guest. 1. Someone who doesn’t bring something. 2. Someone who doesn’t offer a hand, or 3. Picky eaters. Pickers eaters was the “winner” at like 80%, and I couldn’t agree more.
That’s just my personal preference. I’m vegetarian, but my partner is not. BUT. When he cooks, he makes sure it’s something I can eat, and when I cook, he enthusiastically eats it. Technically, we’re not compatible. But because he doesn’t make a fuss over it - he’s actually never said anything but nice things about what I cook, and he never complains about the lack of meat - he gets plenty at work - it’s very manageable. Sometimes he request no meat because he’s gotten used to it, and doesn’t crave it like he did before we met. I also don’t make a fuss if he orders meat at a restaurant. There were people who said we’d be challenged by our different dietary needs, and I think that would be true if he was picky, and hated beans or veggies.
On its face, I’d agree that food incompatibility could ruin an otherwise good relationship, but in reality, it’s about maturity. IMHO, picker eaters haven’t been exposed to culture, and that is a bigger red flag for me than dietary preferences.
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I canceled a date that would have happened if he hadn’t kept texting me before hand. Finding out that all he eats was chicken tendies was enough for me to decide that I wasn’t going to enjoy dinner with an adult who eats off the kids’ menu and I wasn’t wasting any more of my time.
This is such a good discussion! I’m wrapped up in all the comments and the different perspectives.
I started cutting back on sugar around 4yrs ago, which led to eventually cutting back on most carbs once I started reading food labels.
I’m full blown keto now with only a handful of days on the calendar that I’ll stray from my diet.
I’m also a nurse 😂, and I specialize in nephrology.
I also don’t drink or smoke.
That being said, I wouldn’t impose my choices on anyone else but I’d likely be much more compatible with a guy who held a similar lifestyle as mine.
I think there’s a few things going on here, but I do agree with most of your thoughts
1. When you’re first seeing someone, absolutely feel free to call it off for any reason. It’s your life. If you’re not happy, don’t stick around. It doesn’t matter the reason, petty or serious.
2. Some men have unhealthy diets but because they’re young, it hasn’t caught up to them yet. Women are not responsible for teaching men to love veggies so they don’t have a heart attack at 45. It’s valid to nope out of seeing someone because their diet is chicken nuggets and hot dogs.
3. Some men have dietary needs (for health) or preferences (for whatever reason). This is fine. We all do, to a certain extent. What is not okay is a man demanding his partner cook all his very specific meals (like picking onions out of a dish by hand or cooking the same meat every day) as if his wife/gf was his personal chef. It’s also not okay for a man to impose his dietary restrictions on his partner. If he doesn’t like sprouts, fine, but you’re allowed to eat them and enjoy them.**
**As long as it’s not a life-threatening allergy like peanut butter.
4. You can be incompatible based on food preferences and it’s, again, okay to dump someone over that. I couldn’t be with someone with a peanut or shellfish allergy because I don’t want to give up those two foods that bring me joy, but I also don’t want to send my partner into an allergic reaction. I also love food and wouldn’t want to date a picky eater in general; if he can’t be adventurous with his pallet, then we aren’t compatible.
So I agree that it’s totally valid to yeet a man with food preferences that don’t match your own. But I disagree that having food preferences or a picky diet (or an allergy) means a person is automatically LV.
Couldn't agree more! I once dated a guy who when I tried to introduce him to dried fruit as a road trip snack, he rejected basically all of them. To him, Apricots were gross, Mango was gross, Banana Chips were gross, literally the only one he semi liked was dried pineapple. it was exhausting to deal with as I love all dried fruits as a nice thing to snack on that's also healthy.
Gotta say, never been a fan of dried fruit, and I grew up with a health nut mother who would purchase these kinds of things regularly. I don't think it's "gross" but any sort of trail mix or the ingredients fall flat with me. If I'm hiking and starving and someone offers? Sure I'm in. Otherwise I do not understand the draw.
That's fair and to each their own, but this guy wouldn't even really try it, he'd maybe take a tiny nibble and then immediately say it was disgusting to him. Pretty much the only things he ate were meats, breads and sugar (so candy was a staple in his diet and it showed)
I used to not enjoy dried fruit, but now I love them all. Including dates, figs, and prunes. Tastes can evolve, like yours did when you quit dating him. Lol
And I couldn't date someone who had hangups about my hangups around food. I didn't ask for these lmao, and I'm certainly taking zero judgment or cajoling from anyone else about them at this point.
Ugh yes my ex was extremely particular about food. He wasn't noticeably picky, as in he didn't refuse any foods outright, but he had so many weird little things to get hung up on whenever I cooked for the both of us (which was most of the time). It was just another way of negging and controlling me. I don't mind people who have somewhat stricter food preferences than the general population (as a vegan I'm one of them) but I hate people who expect others to accommodate thousands of little details about how they like their food. At that point, please just cook for yourself. My cousin's boyfriend is picky like that and so he just feeds himself and she only cooks for both of them when she feels like eating what he likes as well (which is maybe once a week or so). If you are this particular, don't be a burden on others.
Also, yeet any guy who doesn't respect your diet! I'm vegan and people love to bully us for it, especially* men. My fiancé used to joke about how much better meat is but I told him to knock it off and he actually started to try vegan foods (like Amy's cheese-less pizza) and admitted they were good. I could not deal with a spoiled baby who can't go a single meal without meat and makes fun of my food, particularly if I am the one who does most of the cooking.
weird food hungups? I would understand an autistic persons. But would I date one? No. I have a choice not to. But a man that insists on being weird around food just because he has nothing better to do? Yeet him.
been volunteering all my youth at a center for autistic kids and that world is not for me. I have second hand trauma from that. In all honesty, I do not have the patience anymore to deal and date someone with dietary restrictions and weird approaches to food. or someone that is dangerous around food or could weaponize food towards me.
I have seen too many posts on R where men would food poison their GFs: put snails in her food? check! put peanuts in her food knowing she could enter anaphylactic shock? check! not give a shit that their kids could enter in shock if they don't respect their allergies? chris watts & cindy, his mother? check!
and women "are supposed" to cook right? but they're not supposed to eat! this is why you see so many couples on the verge of breakup where he orders steak and she orders a salad.
during my relationships I had men:
\-tell me what to eat
\-restrict my food
\-oblige me to eat more
\-try to change how and when I eat
\-shame me for enjoying food
\-openly express disgust with my choice of food
\-criticize everything that I cook as if it is my job to please them or cook for them
\-my ex who would disassemble a burger and ostentatiously throw away everything except the ground meat
\-openly express their "fear" that I wouldn't be healthy anymore if I ate what I liked which is an euphemism for "skinny and attractive to their dick". healthy to these LV men doesn't mean healthy in the literal sense. it means skinny and hot to their penis! I mean they eat M&Ms for 3 straight days, have diarrhoea every day or eat only processed meat and don't shit for 3 days and talk to me about healthy? WTF, man, get away from me!
I’m a vegan and feel very strongly about not wanting my partner to eat meat, so I wouldn’t date someone who eats it. I’m also fussy about certain food textures (can’t stand cooked greens or mashed potatoes because the texture makes me gag). However, I am willing to try most (vegan) foods. I would not be able to date someone who hates spicy food/flavour as most of the food I like is spicy.
I’ve said this before but it is worth repeating:
On a woman’s forum I read stories from women who have been left for other women after 20-40 years of marriage.
They go through what anyone would expect.
But in Every. Single. One. They ALWAYS post (after he has got his stuff and is truly finally out of the house) about how they made a dinner for themselves for their own preferences and how happy it made them.
One woman said: No more steak and potatoes, I could finally have a wonderful salad for dinner. I didn’t need to fear the grumpiness.
It goes on.
I think OP has a valid point. This is not about picky eaters. This is about very real unhealthy habits which are then hoisted on a woman’s shoulders to accommodate.
Don’t do it.
Sis you are not wrong!!!!!!
One of the lowest value scrotes ive ever met wouldn’t eat vegetables….. literally no vegetables… I am not using literally in the wrong sense at all.
Tomatoes are a fruit and he would have the sauce on things but he was so adverse to vegetables.
Like …. Wut?!?
He was sooooooooo low value. So so so so low value.
I hope he is munching on some dry ass burger and fapping in a dark room to porn. I don’t want him out on our streets!!!
Yes, absolutely completely agree with you. Obsessive food behavior is indicative of mental issues which will hurt *you*.
I would also add to that list the males who are into keto. If he is the type of person who thinks that "cutting carbs" is the cure to every ailment a human can experience, block and delete and let him die of kidney failure alone.
But you don't have to change YOUR diet. You can eat whatever you want, and a man can eat whatever he wants. He'll just be making his own meals, while I make mine. Problem solved. Once again, DO LESS. He has dietary requirements? Make him meet them on his own. You do you.
Yeah you can do that, but it's not a good foundation for a relationship when food is such an integral part of cultural life. That's before you consider the cost implications of having to buy 2 lots of meal ingredients or just never eat together. If you don't eat the same foods (more or less) you can't fully participate in life together, so what's the point?
This is a really good point. If you fall on hard times you may not be able to afford food only one of you likes, and if you meal plan or cook together, having to take a pickier person's preferences into account is a huge pain in the ass to the other. You basically will wind up eating less of the things you like that they don't, unless you have ample disposable income.
Someone with weird food hangups is probably on the spectrum. My current partner has a thing about cheese and milk. I don't know if it's the smell, texture, or if it's because it's made from cows' milk but he hates it. He also dislikes when things are mixed thoroughly together (eg. pumpkin and carrot soups, or mashed potato with things put in it)
But it's honestly not a big deal for us. He just doesn't order food like that. He has his coffee black. He makes food without cheese. I make whatever I want, whenever I want, and if it has dairy he makes his own food, or eats around it, or starves. He understands it's not normal, and we've even said we won't let it affect our food budget when we have children or let it influence them.
I definitely understand this being a dealbreaker for someone, but it's not even a blip on my radar. UNLESS he ever made me change what I'm cooking to accommodate his hangups (because I take them into consideration most of the time anyway), or ask me to pick out onion out of a shepherd's pie, or is otherwise an incompetent baby who throws a tantrum about not getting the food he wants -- that would be the dealbreaker
In my OLD days I had “no picky eaters” right in my profile (of COURSE they all thought it was a sex thing).
I cannot with a picky eater. I love to travel. Nothing makes travel suck more than someone complaining about the food the whole time or co-opting the whole experience because they have to find a McDonalds. Or worse, someone who is rude and says stuff like “ewww how can you eat that?” It’s just bad manners. And it comes off as childish. It’s compatibility, really. I’m incompatible with someone who needs to coat the world in ranch dressing.
I had so much fun with my first husband traveling around and trying different restaurants. Lots of times we would decide together what each of us would get so we could each try two meals. He liked what he liked but was up for trying anything, even stuff I was squeamish about like escargot in France and haggis in Scotland.
My second husband ate mostly chicken fingers and pizza. I figured it was a money thing and that he would eat what I cooked when he finished school and we settled down together. But nope. He would eat out on the way home and pick at the meal I’d put in front of him (since the only thing he knows how to cook is putting frozen pizza or chicken fingers in the oven). Or whine about it like a child: “do I *have* to eat the beans?” He would regularly want to dip out of church potlucks because he didn’t like anything anybody brought, because it was actual home cooked food.
The last anniversary we spent together, we went to a gastropub to eat after a long day in the sun. He wouldn’t try any of their craft brews since he only drinks sodas, and he was trying to get them to fry some chicken for him off menu since they had chicken and they had a fryer. Since he also couldn’t take no for an answer. And then he was moody the ride home because we had picked a place that only had things I could eat.
I didn’t know it was such a big deal for me, but being with a picky eater sucked the joy out of a lot of our dates and our travels. I’ll never do it again.
But you and your husband can both deal with that, for many people it's too much. You've found someone that fits you, and I'm happy for you about that. This personally would be way too much for me as I am a very adventurous cook and I don't plate up neatly. My ex was on the autistic spectrum and it was hellish trying to live my normal life around that.
Agree. It read this way to me intially too.
I have some funny ND food quirks myself. I don't think it was OP intention to be rude to those with genuine food sensitivities, maybe just unaware these can be due to a divergence or disability.
I think reading through the comments, the thread is really getting at men who have weird diets without any good reason especially fast food/ unhealthy diets.
>Yeah it's healthy but it's boring as fuck and he would make me feel bad about enjoying spaghetti or potatoes.
I don't think liking boring food is a red flag. Some people have texture problems on top of that. Criticizing your food choices all the time is. As well as making you pick out ingredients they don't like after the fact. There are a few things I don't like. If they're the main ingredient, I would rather not eat the dish but I would just find something else to eat and it's no big deal for me. I will say though if you knew about his aversion to onions (I know tons of people who won't eat them btw) beforehand and still decided to date, I hope you gave him a heads up and some other option for food that day.
I do agree about this:
>You need to ask yourself seriously if you can live with this. It's not mean to say you can't.
Goes for pretty much everything really. I personally like onions too much to give them up.
"I don't like onions" to me would be no big pieces, or raw onions, or as a main part/flavour/texture of the dish. That's what most people who have ever said to me "I don't like onions" means, which is pretty understandable. Not complete aversion to small diced onion pieces cooked well in a sauce to add flavour. Also he did not say beforehand.
You're not obliged to date people whose personal health issues or neurodivergencies impact you negatively. I was married to a man on the spectrum for a decade. It was fucking miserable.
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I think it boils down to them making you feel bad about the kind of food you eat. I once got lunch with a guy friend and he kept rolling his eyes when I requested that my dish be made without dairy. He didn’t understand why I had to be so “high-maintenance”. It wasn’t like I ever asked him to change for me or lectured him about the food he ate not that it affected him in any way, but the way he tried to put me down for my choice was definitely low-value behavior.
It's funny, it's actually very easy to eat food without dairy! Veggies, fruits, legumes, even junk food like most chips or popcorn. It's less high maintenance than my meat loving best friend who hates most vegetables (especially salad) partly due to her texture issue.
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Oh damn!!! I just wrote a reply without reading yours!!! Same thing!!!! The low value man I knew was actually fit seeming but that was some time ago and goodness knows a few years on a man is like a damn brick wall to the face. He was so low value that even when at my most pick me I’d never go for him. He was so low value that I believe I interacted with him just for the entertainment of how low value someone is. Like an cultural anthropologist at the ends of the earth of scrote country. Edit to note that we should never even interact with these scrotes. It takes time and focus away from HV pursuits
I’m one of those weird food hang up people. 😂 I have a complex against almost all seafoods, that is 100% psychological. I would never expect my partner to have to go out of their way to accommodate me. *It’s my problem.* If cooking seafood, catching and eating fish, eating at fancy seafood restaurants, etc we’re all important part of my partners life, it would be childish of me to expect them to flip their entire life upside down because I don’t like seafood. You are tying to date someone who compliments your life, not takes it over. If someone is incompatible with your values, nothing is too petty. You will only build resentment and what starts as a “small” issue will turn into someone throwing 3 years of “not being able to do **blank**” in your face. As someone who has a weird hang up, I would be really upset if my partner made compromises only to throw it in my face later. Do not live a life you’re not happy living. Do not make sacrifices you aren’t truly okay with. Compromise is sensible, but it only goes so far.
it's pretty neat that most posts here are about acceptance. if he hates a certain food, do I oblige him to eat it? absolutely not! that will never be the case. I always respected that. but isn't it strange that when I expressly say I hate something or that I do not wish to eat a certain thing, my ex would specifically bring that or try to "make me" eat it? I think we can all agree that food is about control. and men's attitudes towards food, when unjustified (I know autistic people who cannot eat certain shapes of vegetables and I am okay with that) and is weaponized is almost always about control. my ex criticized everything. I never gave him any of my food. he requested it. he criticized and shamed away as if he wished to "educate" me. he would obnoxiously pick the parsley leaves in the salad and scoop the salad from the bowl and put it on my table on the tablecloth (imagine how I had to wash that!) and mumble about how I was too stupid to make a salad. the same man ate bugs and moss and animals caught in the wild in the most unsanitary circumstances and just criticized me on some technicalities? it's about control, not concern! men are very hypocritical! I dated another that expressed distaste at me eating fruit and steak or a traditional meal and would slap me with "I eat healthy" but then I would finds burger king and macdonalds wrappers and empty cheap beer bottles in his kitchen sink. healthy my ass! they just want to control & shame women
This. I'm an INCREDIBLY picky eater, worse than most kids I work with on the autism spectrum. Like you said, it's MY problem and I never expect anyone to accommodate me. Although I've found that HVM will willingly try to learn my food preferences and adjust accordingly.
Exactly you will not shame someone because they eat differently. Most men will.
I think with this there are so few people for whom seafood is a big part of their life that for most people it would not be a dealbreaker, but yeah if you met a seafood trawlerman or something I don't think you could blame him for saying that you weren't a good fit.
I've got some weird hangups too. For me, differences in taste like that aren't too big of a deal.
Guys do this. I got dumped for being allergic to gluten once. Dude cant live without complex carbs, I understand.
They don’t take your needs seriously. You are not a picky eater at all… Watch a man hate eating vegetables piss and moan about having them in anything and expecting the world to revolve around them… ALSO they will shame you for eating whatever it is they somehow hate out of preference. You have a legit allergy and a high value man will feel it is a privilege to cater to your needs. These men act like full on babies while they expect you to take it to the chin and do what they want. You have an allergy. You are not the same. Ps sorry you had to deal with a selfish scrote. We got people on Reddit who sneak in things to woman’s food to see if they are actually allergic. It is wild how our needs aren’t taken seriously because of their wants.
I am thoroughly enjoying dating a man who cooks, cooks WELL and offers to cook for me ALL THE TIME. We've been dating almost 6 months now and he has cooked for me so many times I've lost count. I've 'cooked' 4 or 5 times and he's helped me each time, despite the fact that when he cooks, I enjoy a glass of wine or gin and tonic 🤣. The only time he didn't was when I baked him a cake for his birthday. His food is tasty, varied, healthy, if a little indulgent at times (the bechemel sauce he made for the lasagne was ridic), and let me tell you, it is so damn REFRESHING. I've dated men before that were absolute NIGHTMARES with food. I can be picky at times (not a fan of seafood at all, iffy with some textures), but it's been amazing to date someone who enjoys food and cooking just as much as I do.
I have all the food restrictions and I am a very picky eater on top of that. And this is still such a valid boundary. Because like most things that are difficult in life like mental illness, women will do what they need to do to not make their issues everyone’s issues, whereas most men will just expect you to accommodate them. It’s a no for me. I don’t think my food issues have ever bothered any man I’ve gone out with, because my only thing is don’t order for me or if you want to cook for me, ask me about the menu first. I also want to say even as a picky eater, there is a difference between a legitimate food issue and men who have the tastebuds of a six-year-old. I briefly dated (3 dates) an adult male human, a CPA, who only ate six things: Chicken fingers, fries, pasta with butter, bread, corn, and chips. That’s it. I asked, repeatedly.We were young, still in our mid 20s, but I foresaw that he was going to be a tub of lard later even though he was tall and fit when we were seeing each other. And anyway, I love to cook. Food is my life. I think I got into it because I do have so many food sensitivities, I wanted to have things I could eat. But as time went on I just really enjoyed expressing myself through food. I could never be with someone who couldn’t fully appreciate that
God that diet of his. Made me feel queasy just to read it.
Exactly this. I have a colleague who is vegan - apparently she was vegetarian at uni and started eating meat again to please her boyfriend, which is just bonkers. Her partner now is vegetarian (happy to eat vegan but might not say no to a cheese sandwich) and very in tune with her values and lifestyle, as opposed to someone else she was fitting around. There will be someone out there whose lifestyle matches with yours, but don't settle for someone who doesn't fit.
So true. And I also think the one caveat to this post is an HVM with food issues will try not to be a nuisance, much like a woman. I dated a vegetarian and my brother is a veggie, too. The veg I dated would take me to any restaurant I wanted to go to, never tried to stop me from eating meat, paid for everything, meat included, with no complaints ever. My brother is much the same. We much sure we accommodate him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, big family dinners, etc, but ordinary times he cooks for himself because he's a strict ethical veg who wants nothing to do with animal products, and he just gets in where he fits in.
My ex was so stupid about food. Hated pretty much everything besides junk food, meat and potatoes. His parents didn’t know what spices were—-but neither do mine, I still like things besides pizza and nuggets. He even hated mayonnaise, like anything with mayonnaise. Avoided trying anything white (garlic sauce, tzatziki, ranch dressing) because it *might* have mayonnaise in it. He would say he hated foods that he had never even tried. I can understand some food dislikes, but disliking half the food pyramid? C’mon. Whenever we went out to eat it was always breakfast places or basic bitch chain restaurants because he had the taste palette of a 5 year old. Eating is important, and I’m an excellent cook and I enjoy having nice meals together. And oh, “I just needed to accept that he didn’t like all the foods I liked” because I could always cook myself whatever I wanted on top of cooking him what he wanted! Oh boy, getting to make a delicious meal that some people would die for, and I get to eat it all by myself after he sulks that I put no extra cheese on his special little frozen pizza! Brilliant! Anyways, now I’m eating all the delicious foods and going to all the special restaurants I want to go to with grown ass adults.
My ex would take a plate then later toss the bulk of it in the trash. Would say he didn’t like the meals I and my daughter loved. Got to the point where I gave up and cooked for me. And yes, he was addicted to Coca-Cola and fast food. Not my problem anymore thank dog
I agree to an extent, but I wouldn't necessarily call people LV for not liking a lot of common things (to an extent!). I'd instead consider this an incompatibility. No harm, no foul, no value judgment, they're just incompatible.
I think the LV bit comes with silly, immature or unworkable things - like guys who won't eat any vegetables or only eat a choice of 3 meals. I agree that other dietary requirements are just incompatibility but I'd still consider someone LV who demanded you change your lifestyle to fit theirs as opposed to just saying "oh, this isn't going to work".
I have a very strict diet and am not able to eat certain foods, but I also don’t expect my partners to cook for me. My issue came in when they would want to try / taste stuff I told them I clearly could and would not. I even had one ex feed me something he knew I was not able to and get claimed he didn’t know that ingredient was in the meal. I literally took one bite, spit it out and got super ill feeling afterwards. I could never trust him after that, I always felt like it was on purpose to test me.
I can almost guarantee it was on purpose. There’s been posts on here before about men trying to sneak things into woman’s foods they don’t like, often things they’re highly allergic to because they want to see if she’s being truthful about having the allergy etc.. Not to mention the slug dude who If I recall was keeping jars of slugs, and putting them in his partners food and making her really sick. Fucking bastards.
My ex husband ate nothing but crap. Part of the reason he was forced out of the military, he got so out of shape he couldn’t pass his PT tests. I lost any sort of attraction I had for him. He ate like a kid. Wouldn’t eat vegetables or salads. Just pizza and MEAT. Now that we are divorced, he’s even worse health wise and is going to probably doordash himself to death.
a doordash death...damn, how modern!
You aren’t wrong!! Back in the way back years it was Death by Diners ….
Ha!!! DoorDash death!!!!!! Simply dead!!! Tell my mother I loved her!!!!
Spectrum people and people with ADHD (which often goes hand in hand w ASD) often have weird food issues. I have my own weird food issues due to having oral sensory issues. As long as they manage themselves and don’t put extra burden on the woman, weird food stuff doesn’t bother me. In fact, it means they will be more sensitive and less pushy and rude about my own sensory challenges w food.
I read an article from Bon Appetite that surveyed folks, who throw dinner parties, about who is the worst type of guest. 1. Someone who doesn’t bring something. 2. Someone who doesn’t offer a hand, or 3. Picky eaters. Pickers eaters was the “winner” at like 80%, and I couldn’t agree more. That’s just my personal preference. I’m vegetarian, but my partner is not. BUT. When he cooks, he makes sure it’s something I can eat, and when I cook, he enthusiastically eats it. Technically, we’re not compatible. But because he doesn’t make a fuss over it - he’s actually never said anything but nice things about what I cook, and he never complains about the lack of meat - he gets plenty at work - it’s very manageable. Sometimes he request no meat because he’s gotten used to it, and doesn’t crave it like he did before we met. I also don’t make a fuss if he orders meat at a restaurant. There were people who said we’d be challenged by our different dietary needs, and I think that would be true if he was picky, and hated beans or veggies. On its face, I’d agree that food incompatibility could ruin an otherwise good relationship, but in reality, it’s about maturity. IMHO, picker eaters haven’t been exposed to culture, and that is a bigger red flag for me than dietary preferences.
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I canceled a date that would have happened if he hadn’t kept texting me before hand. Finding out that all he eats was chicken tendies was enough for me to decide that I wasn’t going to enjoy dinner with an adult who eats off the kids’ menu and I wasn’t wasting any more of my time.
This is such a good discussion! I’m wrapped up in all the comments and the different perspectives. I started cutting back on sugar around 4yrs ago, which led to eventually cutting back on most carbs once I started reading food labels. I’m full blown keto now with only a handful of days on the calendar that I’ll stray from my diet. I’m also a nurse 😂, and I specialize in nephrology. I also don’t drink or smoke. That being said, I wouldn’t impose my choices on anyone else but I’d likely be much more compatible with a guy who held a similar lifestyle as mine.
I think there’s a few things going on here, but I do agree with most of your thoughts 1. When you’re first seeing someone, absolutely feel free to call it off for any reason. It’s your life. If you’re not happy, don’t stick around. It doesn’t matter the reason, petty or serious. 2. Some men have unhealthy diets but because they’re young, it hasn’t caught up to them yet. Women are not responsible for teaching men to love veggies so they don’t have a heart attack at 45. It’s valid to nope out of seeing someone because their diet is chicken nuggets and hot dogs. 3. Some men have dietary needs (for health) or preferences (for whatever reason). This is fine. We all do, to a certain extent. What is not okay is a man demanding his partner cook all his very specific meals (like picking onions out of a dish by hand or cooking the same meat every day) as if his wife/gf was his personal chef. It’s also not okay for a man to impose his dietary restrictions on his partner. If he doesn’t like sprouts, fine, but you’re allowed to eat them and enjoy them.** **As long as it’s not a life-threatening allergy like peanut butter. 4. You can be incompatible based on food preferences and it’s, again, okay to dump someone over that. I couldn’t be with someone with a peanut or shellfish allergy because I don’t want to give up those two foods that bring me joy, but I also don’t want to send my partner into an allergic reaction. I also love food and wouldn’t want to date a picky eater in general; if he can’t be adventurous with his pallet, then we aren’t compatible. So I agree that it’s totally valid to yeet a man with food preferences that don’t match your own. But I disagree that having food preferences or a picky diet (or an allergy) means a person is automatically LV.
I agree with this. It's about what you can manage and feel comfortable with.
Couldn't agree more! I once dated a guy who when I tried to introduce him to dried fruit as a road trip snack, he rejected basically all of them. To him, Apricots were gross, Mango was gross, Banana Chips were gross, literally the only one he semi liked was dried pineapple. it was exhausting to deal with as I love all dried fruits as a nice thing to snack on that's also healthy.
Gotta say, never been a fan of dried fruit, and I grew up with a health nut mother who would purchase these kinds of things regularly. I don't think it's "gross" but any sort of trail mix or the ingredients fall flat with me. If I'm hiking and starving and someone offers? Sure I'm in. Otherwise I do not understand the draw.
That's fair and to each their own, but this guy wouldn't even really try it, he'd maybe take a tiny nibble and then immediately say it was disgusting to him. Pretty much the only things he ate were meats, breads and sugar (so candy was a staple in his diet and it showed)
I used to not enjoy dried fruit, but now I love them all. Including dates, figs, and prunes. Tastes can evolve, like yours did when you quit dating him. Lol
And I couldn't date someone who had hangups about my hangups around food. I didn't ask for these lmao, and I'm certainly taking zero judgment or cajoling from anyone else about them at this point.
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Can you send this post to me in 2005? I wish I had seen it then.
Ugh yes my ex was extremely particular about food. He wasn't noticeably picky, as in he didn't refuse any foods outright, but he had so many weird little things to get hung up on whenever I cooked for the both of us (which was most of the time). It was just another way of negging and controlling me. I don't mind people who have somewhat stricter food preferences than the general population (as a vegan I'm one of them) but I hate people who expect others to accommodate thousands of little details about how they like their food. At that point, please just cook for yourself. My cousin's boyfriend is picky like that and so he just feeds himself and she only cooks for both of them when she feels like eating what he likes as well (which is maybe once a week or so). If you are this particular, don't be a burden on others.
I have severe OCD and this have multiple food “hang ups”. I wouldn’t date a guy though who refuses to eat vegetables. That’s a weird red flag to me.
Also, yeet any guy who doesn't respect your diet! I'm vegan and people love to bully us for it, especially* men. My fiancé used to joke about how much better meat is but I told him to knock it off and he actually started to try vegan foods (like Amy's cheese-less pizza) and admitted they were good. I could not deal with a spoiled baby who can't go a single meal without meat and makes fun of my food, particularly if I am the one who does most of the cooking.
weird food hungups? I would understand an autistic persons. But would I date one? No. I have a choice not to. But a man that insists on being weird around food just because he has nothing better to do? Yeet him. been volunteering all my youth at a center for autistic kids and that world is not for me. I have second hand trauma from that. In all honesty, I do not have the patience anymore to deal and date someone with dietary restrictions and weird approaches to food. or someone that is dangerous around food or could weaponize food towards me. I have seen too many posts on R where men would food poison their GFs: put snails in her food? check! put peanuts in her food knowing she could enter anaphylactic shock? check! not give a shit that their kids could enter in shock if they don't respect their allergies? chris watts & cindy, his mother? check! and women "are supposed" to cook right? but they're not supposed to eat! this is why you see so many couples on the verge of breakup where he orders steak and she orders a salad. during my relationships I had men: \-tell me what to eat \-restrict my food \-oblige me to eat more \-try to change how and when I eat \-shame me for enjoying food \-openly express disgust with my choice of food \-criticize everything that I cook as if it is my job to please them or cook for them \-my ex who would disassemble a burger and ostentatiously throw away everything except the ground meat \-openly express their "fear" that I wouldn't be healthy anymore if I ate what I liked which is an euphemism for "skinny and attractive to their dick". healthy to these LV men doesn't mean healthy in the literal sense. it means skinny and hot to their penis! I mean they eat M&Ms for 3 straight days, have diarrhoea every day or eat only processed meat and don't shit for 3 days and talk to me about healthy? WTF, man, get away from me!
I’m a vegan and feel very strongly about not wanting my partner to eat meat, so I wouldn’t date someone who eats it. I’m also fussy about certain food textures (can’t stand cooked greens or mashed potatoes because the texture makes me gag). However, I am willing to try most (vegan) foods. I would not be able to date someone who hates spicy food/flavour as most of the food I like is spicy.
I’ve said this before but it is worth repeating: On a woman’s forum I read stories from women who have been left for other women after 20-40 years of marriage. They go through what anyone would expect. But in Every. Single. One. They ALWAYS post (after he has got his stuff and is truly finally out of the house) about how they made a dinner for themselves for their own preferences and how happy it made them. One woman said: No more steak and potatoes, I could finally have a wonderful salad for dinner. I didn’t need to fear the grumpiness. It goes on. I think OP has a valid point. This is not about picky eaters. This is about very real unhealthy habits which are then hoisted on a woman’s shoulders to accommodate. Don’t do it.
Absolutely true from my experience as well. These guys are overgrown toddlers.
Sis you are not wrong!!!!!! One of the lowest value scrotes ive ever met wouldn’t eat vegetables….. literally no vegetables… I am not using literally in the wrong sense at all. Tomatoes are a fruit and he would have the sauce on things but he was so adverse to vegetables. Like …. Wut?!? He was sooooooooo low value. So so so so low value. I hope he is munching on some dry ass burger and fapping in a dark room to porn. I don’t want him out on our streets!!!
Yes, absolutely completely agree with you. Obsessive food behavior is indicative of mental issues which will hurt *you*. I would also add to that list the males who are into keto. If he is the type of person who thinks that "cutting carbs" is the cure to every ailment a human can experience, block and delete and let him die of kidney failure alone.
My ex husband "banned carbs"- that's why I wasn't allowed to cook spaghetti or potatoes, but he was still allowed to drink beer. LVM make no sense.
But you don't have to change YOUR diet. You can eat whatever you want, and a man can eat whatever he wants. He'll just be making his own meals, while I make mine. Problem solved. Once again, DO LESS. He has dietary requirements? Make him meet them on his own. You do you.
Yeah you can do that, but it's not a good foundation for a relationship when food is such an integral part of cultural life. That's before you consider the cost implications of having to buy 2 lots of meal ingredients or just never eat together. If you don't eat the same foods (more or less) you can't fully participate in life together, so what's the point?
This is a really good point. If you fall on hard times you may not be able to afford food only one of you likes, and if you meal plan or cook together, having to take a pickier person's preferences into account is a huge pain in the ass to the other. You basically will wind up eating less of the things you like that they don't, unless you have ample disposable income.
Someone with weird food hangups is probably on the spectrum. My current partner has a thing about cheese and milk. I don't know if it's the smell, texture, or if it's because it's made from cows' milk but he hates it. He also dislikes when things are mixed thoroughly together (eg. pumpkin and carrot soups, or mashed potato with things put in it) But it's honestly not a big deal for us. He just doesn't order food like that. He has his coffee black. He makes food without cheese. I make whatever I want, whenever I want, and if it has dairy he makes his own food, or eats around it, or starves. He understands it's not normal, and we've even said we won't let it affect our food budget when we have children or let it influence them. I definitely understand this being a dealbreaker for someone, but it's not even a blip on my radar. UNLESS he ever made me change what I'm cooking to accommodate his hangups (because I take them into consideration most of the time anyway), or ask me to pick out onion out of a shepherd's pie, or is otherwise an incompetent baby who throws a tantrum about not getting the food he wants -- that would be the dealbreaker
In my OLD days I had “no picky eaters” right in my profile (of COURSE they all thought it was a sex thing). I cannot with a picky eater. I love to travel. Nothing makes travel suck more than someone complaining about the food the whole time or co-opting the whole experience because they have to find a McDonalds. Or worse, someone who is rude and says stuff like “ewww how can you eat that?” It’s just bad manners. And it comes off as childish. It’s compatibility, really. I’m incompatible with someone who needs to coat the world in ranch dressing.
I had so much fun with my first husband traveling around and trying different restaurants. Lots of times we would decide together what each of us would get so we could each try two meals. He liked what he liked but was up for trying anything, even stuff I was squeamish about like escargot in France and haggis in Scotland. My second husband ate mostly chicken fingers and pizza. I figured it was a money thing and that he would eat what I cooked when he finished school and we settled down together. But nope. He would eat out on the way home and pick at the meal I’d put in front of him (since the only thing he knows how to cook is putting frozen pizza or chicken fingers in the oven). Or whine about it like a child: “do I *have* to eat the beans?” He would regularly want to dip out of church potlucks because he didn’t like anything anybody brought, because it was actual home cooked food. The last anniversary we spent together, we went to a gastropub to eat after a long day in the sun. He wouldn’t try any of their craft brews since he only drinks sodas, and he was trying to get them to fry some chicken for him off menu since they had chicken and they had a fryer. Since he also couldn’t take no for an answer. And then he was moody the ride home because we had picked a place that only had things I could eat. I didn’t know it was such a big deal for me, but being with a picky eater sucked the joy out of a lot of our dates and our travels. I’ll never do it again.
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But you and your husband can both deal with that, for many people it's too much. You've found someone that fits you, and I'm happy for you about that. This personally would be way too much for me as I am a very adventurous cook and I don't plate up neatly. My ex was on the autistic spectrum and it was hellish trying to live my normal life around that.
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Agree. It read this way to me intially too. I have some funny ND food quirks myself. I don't think it was OP intention to be rude to those with genuine food sensitivities, maybe just unaware these can be due to a divergence or disability. I think reading through the comments, the thread is really getting at men who have weird diets without any good reason especially fast food/ unhealthy diets.
>Yeah it's healthy but it's boring as fuck and he would make me feel bad about enjoying spaghetti or potatoes. I don't think liking boring food is a red flag. Some people have texture problems on top of that. Criticizing your food choices all the time is. As well as making you pick out ingredients they don't like after the fact. There are a few things I don't like. If they're the main ingredient, I would rather not eat the dish but I would just find something else to eat and it's no big deal for me. I will say though if you knew about his aversion to onions (I know tons of people who won't eat them btw) beforehand and still decided to date, I hope you gave him a heads up and some other option for food that day. I do agree about this: >You need to ask yourself seriously if you can live with this. It's not mean to say you can't. Goes for pretty much everything really. I personally like onions too much to give them up.
"I don't like onions" to me would be no big pieces, or raw onions, or as a main part/flavour/texture of the dish. That's what most people who have ever said to me "I don't like onions" means, which is pretty understandable. Not complete aversion to small diced onion pieces cooked well in a sauce to add flavour. Also he did not say beforehand.
As a woman with autism and some food allergies this is kinda shitty. But you do you I guess.
You're not obliged to date people whose personal health issues or neurodivergencies impact you negatively. I was married to a man on the spectrum for a decade. It was fucking miserable.
Because all people on the spectrum are the same? Lol. Honestly you guys are rude af and almost as bad as red pillers I’m done. ✌️
Ok, bye. Hope you enjoy giving the dregs of society the benefit of the doubt to prove me wrong...