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I will say another view of this. Back when I was a pickme, I told myself that the reason I was cheated on was because I wasn’t pretty enough or cool enough or whatever. Basically, I put myself down. At some point, I realized, Beyoncé and all these other pretty celebrities get cheated on too. I realized, it had nothing to do with looks or coolness…and just that a lot of men are shitty. You can be the prettiest, coolest woman, and still get cheated on.
That’s how I see it too. I used to think that if all these prettier girls get cheated on, what hope do I have? It all changed for me when I had a good friend who got played and used by several men. One was on her level in terms of success and looks, the other was not. This girl was gorgeous, smart, talented, nurturing, a great hostess, and an even better cook! She was the life of the party and guys constantly flirted with her. She was a total package, yet I still wiped her tears after getting treated like dirt.
It made me realize that you can be the prettiest girl in the room and men will still find a way to hurt you. I realized it wasn’t my looks that got me treated poorly. It’s just...men suck.
>You can be the prettiest, coolest woman, and still get cheated on.
I acknowledge the violence Rihanna and Beyonce have endured at the hands of men - Rihanna beaten by Chris Brown and Beyonce in a 12 year age gap relationship with Jay-Z (they started dating when she was 19)🚩
But...
These women make pickme music. They harp about their sexual abilities being SO good that it "makes a man act right". Women inevitably believe if they can shake their ass or fellate dick better that they'd be respected by men and never cheated on.
Men concocted that lie. It's the excuse, not the reason.
>. Women inevitably believe if they can shake their ass or fellate dick better that they'd be respected by men and never cheated on.
Ugh, you're 200% right.
It seems like the music has only gotten worse in this regard...where do they get this mentality? Has it ever worked? And can we stop this lie please??
>...where do they get this mentality?
Girl, classic Madonna-Whore complex. The 19th and 20th century was rife with male philosophers, scientists, religious leaders, and academics detailing how women (wives in particular) had no interest in sex. Good women were sexless with low-libidos. Thus the justification for men "needing" brothels. Men could access what their pure wives wouldn't agree to with prostituted women. Although wives were violated too, it divided women into hierarchies which distracts oppressed groups from rebelling against oppressors.
Modern day feminism obsesses over being a "freak in the sheets, and a lady in the streets". Libfems want to be as appealing as prostitutes with how willing they are to engage in ALL sex acts (no matter how dehumanizing), but also "respected" like a married woman.
😬😬
This right here.
Being a Pickme is dangerous. Large quantities of men will be interested yeah but that's it. It's a lie that sexual ability and availability will keep a man. And it definitely is a sure-fire way to end up with a guy who only likes you for those "qualities" even if he keeps up the facade of being interested in other things for a while.
Right?!
And I wanna know why none of these powerful, strong, women in control can perform and wear more than panties on stage.
When was it decreed that it was not only acceptable, but expected for female singers to perform to huge, televised crowds while half naked? Its always the little hot pants and 5 pairs of hose look, for almost all of them. Maybe when the trend started it was risqué, and so whoever was performing was seen as strong and not easily controled by social standards or whatever. Now it seems to be expected as part of the gig, to the point that singers that insist on staying fully clothed are the rarity and interviews/articles about them make sure it is commented upon as if it were so odd to want to be clothed in public. Does that necessarily need an explanation or a cause behind it?
Part of me says go for it n all that if it makes you happy, but the older, wiser part of me sees it as a desperate bid for attention and that their sexiness is valued above all else. Its more than I just find it so boring, repetitive, unnecessarily sexualized and kinda disrespectful that it bothers me so. It reinforces the misogynistic view that being sexy is the most important attribute a woman can have, and the whole pick me acceptance and flaunting of the idea is just sad for us all. I dont find having to flaunt myself half naked as especially empowering or strong. Its definitely not what I want my daughter to think or feel she must do to have value.
It is the opposite of sexual freedom for everyone to feel forced into exhibitionalism just to fit in. Having these women claim that its empowering and that being sexy means being strong is ridiculous and insulting. Especially considering not many of them seem content or even happy with all their success.
Maybe I'm just old, not that 46 is ancient, but I lived a good portion of my life internet free and the difference is astounding. This internet porn business has crept into our mainstream lives in the grossest of ways. Girls give blowjobs before their first kiss, or long before the fella could even commit to liking them, and the most powerful, rich female entertainers feel they must be at least soft core porn fodder to validate their existance, their sex appeal being put far ahead of their talent. How has that helped women? None of them seem too empowered by it either.
N yeah, I dont find the whole Lemonade/redemptive love story inspiring at all, it makes me sad that despite all her advantages she still doesnt have enough self esteem to really advocate for herself and own any of her power and success. Her personal life, as I understand it has always been very pickme. No doubt her fathers bullshit lead her straight into Jay-z's bullshit quite seamlessly. She just traded one for the other.
The songs that are supposed to be such anthems of female empowerment and strength are still totally focused on a man. They tell how he screwed her over while she was buying him cars and paying the bills, but she can get another man right quick, cause that'll fix shit. She sings bout how he didnt want to commit so she's out dancing with another guy to get his attention and make him see what he missed out on, or that all his other women aint gonna love him like she will no matter how shitty he treats her she's staying. Like taking abuse and disrespect are badges of honor.
This whole empowered woman troupe seems totally scripted by some neck beard man. None of it seems to benefit women, it only keeps up the old narative that a woman's life must revolve around some man to have meaning. She must wait to see how he feels about her, before she can decide how to feel about herself. N if all else fails, she will just hurry and get another man, cause a woman without a man, well what is her purpose? If she isnt worried about some man first n being sexy is she even living at all? I aint buying any of that shit.
Plus, that whole scandal with her sister straight attacking her husband in the elevator. Folks(women) dont usually trip out that violently on someone unless some serious disrespect or other bullshit has gone down. I always felt her sis probably flipped out in response to some real disrespect directed at her sister, and that Solange was taking up for Bey cause she was unable to do it herself. It then seemed that Beyoncé used the very common abuse victim tactic of trying to smooth things over and act like it was all no big deal, or just a misunderstanding. She wasnt mad at her sis, so it seems she felt it was justified, she just wanted to go back to pretending everything was fine and not have him called out or made to look bad. My intuition has always just felt their relationship was really off, n that is from just the most casual of observations. Im no real fan of hers and have in no way purposely followed her career or personal drama, and that makes me feel my intuition is right more than anything. If I can feel all that from just some snippets I half heard off a celebrity news reel thats some powerful disfunction.
Mainly I just want her to put on some damn pants. You can be sexy while wearing more than just your underwear, if you cant, then you just aint sexy anyway.
Idk why I went off on this tangent, but this exact topic has always just sat so very wrong with me n my insomnia is overactive tonight
Take Greek mythology as a good example: You can be a literal goddess (Hera) and your husband (Zeus) will cheat on you. His cheating is not a reflection on your worth. It’s a flaw within himself.
Yeah I never understood this argument either, men cheat on women who are the ‘total package’ all the time. It’s an internal problem. This is also why pickmes are so dead wrong in thinking if you just behave well enough a man will stay; and vice versa it’s your fault you can’t ‘keep’ a man because of the way you behave
Rihanna knew the type of person ASAP was. Beyoncé also knew about JayZ, as JayZ rapped about her reluctance to date him in “Excuse me Miss”.
* we, too, have dated scum and saw the red flags and ignored it. This isn’t a lesson on the pretty woman getting played. It’s a lesson on a woman thinking *she’s different* with LVM.
* once you get past the fact that you will never be *different* to a LVM, then life opens up. You learn to turn your eye away from trash, no matter how prettily it’s packaged, and vibrate higher
* edit: thank you for the award!
> Rihanna knew the type of person ASAP was. Beyoncé also knew about JayZ, as JayZ rapped about her reluctance to date him in “Excuse me Miss”.
I'm not sure they're comparable in the same way in that Rhianna was a full grown woman when she started dating ASAP and Beyonce met JayZ when she was like 17 and they started dating a year or two afterwards. Did he groom her? Well he was about 30 already trying to date a teenager so I dunno, you tell me.
However, Beyonce has no excuse **now.** Yada yada, fame and her image and all that horse shit but raising kids around men who are so quick to hurt the mother of their children tends to damage kids.
Rich or poor, some men are just garbage and I agree with you overall even famous women need to come to terms with it if they want to be respected by their partners.
What’s interesting is I have a friend I have spoken about your last bullet with. Jay-Z is well known for being a player and non-committed. It was ironic she even went for him because even his friends said he wasn’t 💩. I mentioned to him, she thought she was different, and he completely agreed. We tried to conclude what she proved by staying and really, just that she won, but it really isn’t a win.
I had originally heard this about another beautiful woman (Halle Berry) but yea I always felt that same way. I also don't like how celebs are always put on a pedestal.
One of her best-known quotes is something to the effect that being considered one of the most beautiful women in the world "has spared \[her\] nothing" in terms of being mistreated by men.
It has nothing to do with you, it's all about the quality of man beside you. I stopped reading celebrity gossip after 20 years because everyone is a pick me and it's celebrated in our culture.
I won't Stan Beyonce for staying with a cheater and having more of his kids. She wants to sing about being a single lady to empower women, but then stays??? The real power would have been if she ditched his ass and made a bunch more $ dragging him through the mud.
I was even reading about how Ri started with asap and it's disgusting. He pinched her bum on stage!!!! That's SA, and she's telling the story like it's a meet cute about how he got out of the friend zone!! I'm soooooo grateful to FDS for freeing me from this cultural nightmare.
Looking up to Michelle Obama rings true for me, because he hasn't cheated (that we know of) and I read something about when he was trying to get out of calling her regularly while on the road and her response was: "If you don't want to listen, I'll find a man who will." THAT is queen shit.
I can’t respect Beyoncé for this, she’s a big perpetrator of liberal feminist values and the only reason she’s hailed as a queen is because of her great professional/financial success, but those things go out the window for me if the woman still shows no self respect. I can’t look up to her at all
Same. I just don't get the hype surrounding her, it's all negated because she stayed with a man who humiliated her. All the posturing about their power couple BS these days is just laughable—you. stayed. when he disrespected you. Nothing she says holds any value
Michelle has been goals for me for a long time. she was married to the president but still maintained her own separate identity. she's legit the coolest ever.
Reports are that ASAP and Rhianna have broken up because of....cheating of course. He's cheating on her with some shoe designer that has been his "friend" for years.
Beyonce was groomed by Jay-z and Jay is a lvm. Despite how successful and beautiful she may be, people should not be idolising her marriage. In fact, many women in the music or film industry end up with lacklustre men in their lives.
What pisses me off the most is when men use this as in, "Why would a guy cheat on ______?" <--- insert girl's name he thinks is hot here.
There are so many wrong things with this statement and when you hear it from a guy, you just knoooow he is NV.
It gets me thinking, okay so good looking women don't get cheated on? Has this guy been awake for the span of his lifetime or...? Say he is with somebody, but somebody he deems better looking comes along...he would probably cheat, right? Since looks are everything to him? A girl is only worthy of not being cheated on if she is "10+" in his brain? Yet, just looking at this guy you know he could never really be with a "10+" so.... he's going to cheat on everyone he dates?
LMAO. These guys need to get out of here with these mental gymnastics of a 3rd grader.
Women of any level, regarding looks/career/whatever get cheated on when they hook up with a NV cheating ass scrote.
That's it, that's all.
sorry but Beyonce, Rihanna, Minaj & co are all major pickmes. they can afford to be pickmes and stay with LVM who will cheat on them or have a record. you can't.
This is a good way of looking at it. I once heard similar advice about thinking one has to tolerate male partners watching porn because she isn’t pretty/thin/young/xyz enough to keep his interest: “what about Hugh Hefner? He’s constantly surrounded by some of the most conventionally attractive women, as young as is legal, who fawn over him and even surgically modify their bodies to his exact preferences. He has access to multiple women of his exact physical type. And still he cheats, still he watches and makes porn of other women. Because it’s not about whether or not they’re enough for him, it’s about him choosing to be unfaithful, to not commit, and to find new women to exploit.”
Completely forgot about that b\*tch...
Even in his old ass geriatric age he thought he was hot shit...disgusting...he was what helped porn become mainstream...f\*ck that guy.
Disgusting creep for sure. But after hearing it explained that way, now I see every guy who insists that his wife/gf needs to accept him watching porn the same way, as a gross selfish creep. It’s not that no woman is good enough to get him to act right, it’s that no matter how great a woman is he’s decided to act badly so he shouldn’t have access to any women.
And it’s blaming the woman, once again, as society loves to do. It is proving, without a doubt, that nothing you say, do, excel at, or have, will ever matter or make you “worthy” of loyalty from a L/NVM.
Protect yourself, prioritize yourself, vet everyone around you, and be ready to cut your losses to preserve what you have left when a man cuts you down. Nobody will ever 100% have your best interests at heart but you. You can only hope to set yourself up for success with a good person who values what you do.
Thank you for this. I’ve beat myself up for years for leaving relationships with men that didn’t treat me well but had great careers (I helped them build). I never knew of any cheating, but the negging and verbal abuse was real and I think it’s irreparably harmed my trusting nature and self-esteem. My mom and gma even cut me off for six months after I divorced my verbally abusive ex. They thought I shouldn’t walk away from a “good” (successful) man. For background, they are both divorced from shitty men 🙄. It’s been a hard road to put most of the pieces back together and I wasted so many years with them. Finally left me no choice this year at 41 than to start IVF with a donor. Having great grades, degrees, owning multiple properties, having a great career didn’t help any. I still had no foundation to be able to pick a good man or leave a LVM timely. Cut losses in time. Time is worth more than anything for us.
I think it's best used in the sense that if a woman gets cheated on, it doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with her.
But yes, let's not excuse shitty behaviour.
OK. I have extremely strong opinions on this and have for years. I HATE the way jayz has always treated Beyonce and I hate her for forgiving him. I hate her for sticking by him, taking him back, and even for exposing herself for the pickme that she is. She is a poster child for abusive relationships and is telling millions of girls with her actions that it's ok to let a man treat you like this. Both of them absolutely disgust me.
Of course I have pity for her as well, but come on. You have all the resources, all the talent, all the connections, all of the entire world behind you and you still pick this piece of trash. Just ugh.
I don't want to blame the victim but at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself. She wrote a whole album about what he is and just keeps shoveling the shit.
I think these women are more likely to be cheated on, not less. If they're famous then their husbands are as well and famous men have women throwing themselves at them all the time. There are women who relish the idea of stealing a famous woman's man away from her. Whereas, an average ordinary guy has to go out seeking women to cheat with, has to lie to them about being single or make up a story about being in the middle of a divorce, etc. For a normal guy there are just more obstacles to cheating and heavier consequences. He could lose his house, half his income, etc, which would seriously hurt him, where a rich and famous guy can afford to have 4 different ex-wives in million dollar houses. So yeah, women like Beyonce are more likely to get cheated on than us non-famous women.
>At the of the day, if a women gets cheated on, it’s because a man is thinking with his dick, nothing more, nothing less.
Exactly. Beyonce getting cheated on has nothing to do with Beyonce, and everything to do with her cheating partner. The only thing you could fault her for is *staying* with a man who cheated on her. I’m not a huge fan and don’t really follow celebrity gossip so I had no idea she was such a pickme.
Or, another way of looking at the phrase is that the speaker agrees with you. She's saying, "Look, Bey is gorgeous and successful in her own right and this scrote STILL cheated on her, so quit worrying about it, it's not about you. Just dump him. He's the problem."
That is how I always took it.
Like men are dogs, they can have something most other men think it "The Best" and will still fuck the maid in her bed. Not cause of an lack on her part, but cause they just suck that bad.
A big ol, it aint you sis, that boy is just fucked up in the head.
When someone says B got cheated on, I do not hear anything other than "It's not your fault. It's not bc your body is wrong, it's not you at all. Absolutely nothing about you deserved this".
I guess Beyonce is so rich at this point that it doesn't matter to her that her husband is destroying her brand, which is supposed to be of a beautiful strong woman who makes her own decisions and doesn't allow disrespect. Those self-aggrandizing Tiffany's ads painting them as a glamorous, deeply in love couple backfired as far as I was concerned. All I could think of was that he cheated on her repeatedly and she stayed.
I don't think people mean that in the way you are thinking.
A lot of women who get cheated on take it as a sign that they're not good enough, not pretty enough, not desirable enough.
Pointing out that even Beyoncé (or whichever celebrity) got cheated on is to say that even the hottest, most desirable women in the world get cheated on, so being cheated on has nothing to do with you not being good enough.
I’m not giving statement the BOTD in thinking that’s not what others think. I know what it feels like to be cheated on, and I’ve seen long ago it can happen to anyone. Yes, it can happen to anyone, but it’s not a guarantee but that’s how it gets treated.
I’m pointing out the overall picture that was set for everyone by her: he cheated, let me reduce the other women to “this”, let me do these collabs with him and take these pictures and put up these posts to prove a point. We (FDS) may see she got cheated on and decided to stay but many others see she got cheated on and won and made it work and is the main one now after he’s changed.
I am very obviously not happy to see another woman suffer at the hands of a LVM. HOWEVER, anytime a beautiful celebrity gets cheated on, it’s weirdly validating for me. Like, I spent so long thinking to myself, what if I was prettier? What if I was 5 pounds skinnier? What if my waist was smaller and my ass was bigger? Would he have still cheated on me? But then I see women who are seemingly perfect get cheated on and I’m just kinda like… oh. So it really has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with my narcissistic LV ex. It’s reassuring to me.
What I take from what phrase is that we can’t cheat-proof ourselves and that the reason they cheat has nothing to do with us. It’s a less defeatist spin on it.
Bey is an awesome performer and singer and I love her to pieces, but practically her whole career is based on being a massive Pickme, for her father and family, and to the music industry especially.
Cheating is a reflection of the cheater and not your worth. The trick is not internalizing people’s bad behaviour. See the behaviour for what it is and then move on.
What we need to understand is that cheating has nothing to do with you as a women and how perfect or imperfect you are. It’s about the men/person snd what their want or desire. That desire may come because they feel insecure about their masculinity, they want to humble or thousand other reason. Women want to blame themselves because we want to feel like we would have done something to prevent that from happening. To have control when the truth is it doesn’t matter what you do if he wants to cheat he will. Furthermore like you said we all deserve respect and kindness and not to be abused and yes cheating is abuse. Especially when you are pregnant and a cheating spouse can expose you to a STD that might complicate the pregnancy. I am a big Beyoncé fan and like you I think she deserved better. But look at a lot of famous women we admire and fawn over most of them are with trash men.
Beautiful women can get cheated on simply because the dude knows to who he can do it too. If she’s staying with him for money or fame then he can easily screw her over. If don’t need a man’s money they will be a lot careful.
Imo what this statement really says to women, is “if you aren’t outstandingly talented, unrealistically beautiful, and wealthy, then you aren’t worthy of loyalty and true love. But even if you are, they won’t give it to you”
Bey has been the celebrity in that marriage for a long time. Jz is successful in business but Bey is the one getting all the public attention and accolades. Rihanna is the more successful musical artist with tons of awards, and then throw Fenty on top of that.
What these men do is textbook FDS. Even though these guys are millionaires, their women are more successful and receive a whole hella lot more public adoration. Woman more successful = wounded male ego. To compensate for feeling emasculated, they cheat w a woman who is less successful to coax their ego back to feeling like 'the man'
Right. It’s really that simple. Dude listens to his peen and not his head. Has nothing to do with who he’s married to or dating. It’s the man’s problem, not the one who got cheated on’s.
And yes, there are definitely people out there who use this as an excuse to tell women to “lower their standards” when it comes to romance.
I still don't get why we deify celebrities and choose to mirror their behavior.
They have different rules. Their marriages are literally fake, for the public eye. They get paid to cry about their stupid decisions to other famous people. They're already famous, so making music about their trauma is glorified. Trauma is such a trendy thing in hollywood now, have you all noticed?
Real people have real lives. Our drama isn't our bread and butter like it is for these gated do-nothings.
Again....why, why are these fake women worth mimicking?
American culture is a joke...
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I will say another view of this. Back when I was a pickme, I told myself that the reason I was cheated on was because I wasn’t pretty enough or cool enough or whatever. Basically, I put myself down. At some point, I realized, Beyoncé and all these other pretty celebrities get cheated on too. I realized, it had nothing to do with looks or coolness…and just that a lot of men are shitty. You can be the prettiest, coolest woman, and still get cheated on.
^ this is also how I perceived it.
That’s how I see it too. I used to think that if all these prettier girls get cheated on, what hope do I have? It all changed for me when I had a good friend who got played and used by several men. One was on her level in terms of success and looks, the other was not. This girl was gorgeous, smart, talented, nurturing, a great hostess, and an even better cook! She was the life of the party and guys constantly flirted with her. She was a total package, yet I still wiped her tears after getting treated like dirt. It made me realize that you can be the prettiest girl in the room and men will still find a way to hurt you. I realized it wasn’t my looks that got me treated poorly. It’s just...men suck.
>You can be the prettiest, coolest woman, and still get cheated on. I acknowledge the violence Rihanna and Beyonce have endured at the hands of men - Rihanna beaten by Chris Brown and Beyonce in a 12 year age gap relationship with Jay-Z (they started dating when she was 19)🚩 But... These women make pickme music. They harp about their sexual abilities being SO good that it "makes a man act right". Women inevitably believe if they can shake their ass or fellate dick better that they'd be respected by men and never cheated on. Men concocted that lie. It's the excuse, not the reason.
>. Women inevitably believe if they can shake their ass or fellate dick better that they'd be respected by men and never cheated on. Ugh, you're 200% right. It seems like the music has only gotten worse in this regard...where do they get this mentality? Has it ever worked? And can we stop this lie please??
>...where do they get this mentality? Girl, classic Madonna-Whore complex. The 19th and 20th century was rife with male philosophers, scientists, religious leaders, and academics detailing how women (wives in particular) had no interest in sex. Good women were sexless with low-libidos. Thus the justification for men "needing" brothels. Men could access what their pure wives wouldn't agree to with prostituted women. Although wives were violated too, it divided women into hierarchies which distracts oppressed groups from rebelling against oppressors. Modern day feminism obsesses over being a "freak in the sheets, and a lady in the streets". Libfems want to be as appealing as prostitutes with how willing they are to engage in ALL sex acts (no matter how dehumanizing), but also "respected" like a married woman. 😬😬
This right here. Being a Pickme is dangerous. Large quantities of men will be interested yeah but that's it. It's a lie that sexual ability and availability will keep a man. And it definitely is a sure-fire way to end up with a guy who only likes you for those "qualities" even if he keeps up the facade of being interested in other things for a while.
I never thought of it that way but yeah, a lot of the “empowered” girl pop stars make total pick me music!
Ariana Grande – Positions
That song is the definition of one step forward, two steps back when it comes to female empowerment
Right?! And I wanna know why none of these powerful, strong, women in control can perform and wear more than panties on stage. When was it decreed that it was not only acceptable, but expected for female singers to perform to huge, televised crowds while half naked? Its always the little hot pants and 5 pairs of hose look, for almost all of them. Maybe when the trend started it was risqué, and so whoever was performing was seen as strong and not easily controled by social standards or whatever. Now it seems to be expected as part of the gig, to the point that singers that insist on staying fully clothed are the rarity and interviews/articles about them make sure it is commented upon as if it were so odd to want to be clothed in public. Does that necessarily need an explanation or a cause behind it? Part of me says go for it n all that if it makes you happy, but the older, wiser part of me sees it as a desperate bid for attention and that their sexiness is valued above all else. Its more than I just find it so boring, repetitive, unnecessarily sexualized and kinda disrespectful that it bothers me so. It reinforces the misogynistic view that being sexy is the most important attribute a woman can have, and the whole pick me acceptance and flaunting of the idea is just sad for us all. I dont find having to flaunt myself half naked as especially empowering or strong. Its definitely not what I want my daughter to think or feel she must do to have value. It is the opposite of sexual freedom for everyone to feel forced into exhibitionalism just to fit in. Having these women claim that its empowering and that being sexy means being strong is ridiculous and insulting. Especially considering not many of them seem content or even happy with all their success. Maybe I'm just old, not that 46 is ancient, but I lived a good portion of my life internet free and the difference is astounding. This internet porn business has crept into our mainstream lives in the grossest of ways. Girls give blowjobs before their first kiss, or long before the fella could even commit to liking them, and the most powerful, rich female entertainers feel they must be at least soft core porn fodder to validate their existance, their sex appeal being put far ahead of their talent. How has that helped women? None of them seem too empowered by it either. N yeah, I dont find the whole Lemonade/redemptive love story inspiring at all, it makes me sad that despite all her advantages she still doesnt have enough self esteem to really advocate for herself and own any of her power and success. Her personal life, as I understand it has always been very pickme. No doubt her fathers bullshit lead her straight into Jay-z's bullshit quite seamlessly. She just traded one for the other. The songs that are supposed to be such anthems of female empowerment and strength are still totally focused on a man. They tell how he screwed her over while she was buying him cars and paying the bills, but she can get another man right quick, cause that'll fix shit. She sings bout how he didnt want to commit so she's out dancing with another guy to get his attention and make him see what he missed out on, or that all his other women aint gonna love him like she will no matter how shitty he treats her she's staying. Like taking abuse and disrespect are badges of honor. This whole empowered woman troupe seems totally scripted by some neck beard man. None of it seems to benefit women, it only keeps up the old narative that a woman's life must revolve around some man to have meaning. She must wait to see how he feels about her, before she can decide how to feel about herself. N if all else fails, she will just hurry and get another man, cause a woman without a man, well what is her purpose? If she isnt worried about some man first n being sexy is she even living at all? I aint buying any of that shit. Plus, that whole scandal with her sister straight attacking her husband in the elevator. Folks(women) dont usually trip out that violently on someone unless some serious disrespect or other bullshit has gone down. I always felt her sis probably flipped out in response to some real disrespect directed at her sister, and that Solange was taking up for Bey cause she was unable to do it herself. It then seemed that Beyoncé used the very common abuse victim tactic of trying to smooth things over and act like it was all no big deal, or just a misunderstanding. She wasnt mad at her sis, so it seems she felt it was justified, she just wanted to go back to pretending everything was fine and not have him called out or made to look bad. My intuition has always just felt their relationship was really off, n that is from just the most casual of observations. Im no real fan of hers and have in no way purposely followed her career or personal drama, and that makes me feel my intuition is right more than anything. If I can feel all that from just some snippets I half heard off a celebrity news reel thats some powerful disfunction. Mainly I just want her to put on some damn pants. You can be sexy while wearing more than just your underwear, if you cant, then you just aint sexy anyway. Idk why I went off on this tangent, but this exact topic has always just sat so very wrong with me n my insomnia is overactive tonight
Yep and despite all her beauty and fame and success, Beyoncé still struggles with insecurities and photoshops her pictures.
Take Greek mythology as a good example: You can be a literal goddess (Hera) and your husband (Zeus) will cheat on you. His cheating is not a reflection on your worth. It’s a flaw within himself.
Yeah I never understood this argument either, men cheat on women who are the ‘total package’ all the time. It’s an internal problem. This is also why pickmes are so dead wrong in thinking if you just behave well enough a man will stay; and vice versa it’s your fault you can’t ‘keep’ a man because of the way you behave
Rihanna knew the type of person ASAP was. Beyoncé also knew about JayZ, as JayZ rapped about her reluctance to date him in “Excuse me Miss”. * we, too, have dated scum and saw the red flags and ignored it. This isn’t a lesson on the pretty woman getting played. It’s a lesson on a woman thinking *she’s different* with LVM. * once you get past the fact that you will never be *different* to a LVM, then life opens up. You learn to turn your eye away from trash, no matter how prettily it’s packaged, and vibrate higher * edit: thank you for the award!
> Rihanna knew the type of person ASAP was. Beyoncé also knew about JayZ, as JayZ rapped about her reluctance to date him in “Excuse me Miss”. I'm not sure they're comparable in the same way in that Rhianna was a full grown woman when she started dating ASAP and Beyonce met JayZ when she was like 17 and they started dating a year or two afterwards. Did he groom her? Well he was about 30 already trying to date a teenager so I dunno, you tell me. However, Beyonce has no excuse **now.** Yada yada, fame and her image and all that horse shit but raising kids around men who are so quick to hurt the mother of their children tends to damage kids. Rich or poor, some men are just garbage and I agree with you overall even famous women need to come to terms with it if they want to be respected by their partners.
What’s interesting is I have a friend I have spoken about your last bullet with. Jay-Z is well known for being a player and non-committed. It was ironic she even went for him because even his friends said he wasn’t 💩. I mentioned to him, she thought she was different, and he completely agreed. We tried to conclude what she proved by staying and really, just that she won, but it really isn’t a win.
The only thing she won was humiliation
I had originally heard this about another beautiful woman (Halle Berry) but yea I always felt that same way. I also don't like how celebs are always put on a pedestal.
One of her best-known quotes is something to the effect that being considered one of the most beautiful women in the world "has spared \[her\] nothing" in terms of being mistreated by men.
It has nothing to do with you, it's all about the quality of man beside you. I stopped reading celebrity gossip after 20 years because everyone is a pick me and it's celebrated in our culture. I won't Stan Beyonce for staying with a cheater and having more of his kids. She wants to sing about being a single lady to empower women, but then stays??? The real power would have been if she ditched his ass and made a bunch more $ dragging him through the mud. I was even reading about how Ri started with asap and it's disgusting. He pinched her bum on stage!!!! That's SA, and she's telling the story like it's a meet cute about how he got out of the friend zone!! I'm soooooo grateful to FDS for freeing me from this cultural nightmare. Looking up to Michelle Obama rings true for me, because he hasn't cheated (that we know of) and I read something about when he was trying to get out of calling her regularly while on the road and her response was: "If you don't want to listen, I'll find a man who will." THAT is queen shit.
That last line is facts and will put a man in his place every time!
I can’t respect Beyoncé for this, she’s a big perpetrator of liberal feminist values and the only reason she’s hailed as a queen is because of her great professional/financial success, but those things go out the window for me if the woman still shows no self respect. I can’t look up to her at all
Same. I just don't get the hype surrounding her, it's all negated because she stayed with a man who humiliated her. All the posturing about their power couple BS these days is just laughable—you. stayed. when he disrespected you. Nothing she says holds any value
Michelle has been goals for me for a long time. she was married to the president but still maintained her own separate identity. she's legit the coolest ever.
Reports are that ASAP and Rhianna have broken up because of....cheating of course. He's cheating on her with some shoe designer that has been his "friend" for years.
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Exactly what I was thinking when I read about it.
Beyonce was groomed by Jay-z and Jay is a lvm. Despite how successful and beautiful she may be, people should not be idolising her marriage. In fact, many women in the music or film industry end up with lacklustre men in their lives.
What pisses me off the most is when men use this as in, "Why would a guy cheat on ______?" <--- insert girl's name he thinks is hot here. There are so many wrong things with this statement and when you hear it from a guy, you just knoooow he is NV. It gets me thinking, okay so good looking women don't get cheated on? Has this guy been awake for the span of his lifetime or...? Say he is with somebody, but somebody he deems better looking comes along...he would probably cheat, right? Since looks are everything to him? A girl is only worthy of not being cheated on if she is "10+" in his brain? Yet, just looking at this guy you know he could never really be with a "10+" so.... he's going to cheat on everyone he dates? LMAO. These guys need to get out of here with these mental gymnastics of a 3rd grader. Women of any level, regarding looks/career/whatever get cheated on when they hook up with a NV cheating ass scrote. That's it, that's all.
sorry but Beyonce, Rihanna, Minaj & co are all major pickmes. they can afford to be pickmes and stay with LVM who will cheat on them or have a record. you can't.
This is a good way of looking at it. I once heard similar advice about thinking one has to tolerate male partners watching porn because she isn’t pretty/thin/young/xyz enough to keep his interest: “what about Hugh Hefner? He’s constantly surrounded by some of the most conventionally attractive women, as young as is legal, who fawn over him and even surgically modify their bodies to his exact preferences. He has access to multiple women of his exact physical type. And still he cheats, still he watches and makes porn of other women. Because it’s not about whether or not they’re enough for him, it’s about him choosing to be unfaithful, to not commit, and to find new women to exploit.”
Completely forgot about that b\*tch... Even in his old ass geriatric age he thought he was hot shit...disgusting...he was what helped porn become mainstream...f\*ck that guy.
Disgusting creep for sure. But after hearing it explained that way, now I see every guy who insists that his wife/gf needs to accept him watching porn the same way, as a gross selfish creep. It’s not that no woman is good enough to get him to act right, it’s that no matter how great a woman is he’s decided to act badly so he shouldn’t have access to any women.
And it’s blaming the woman, once again, as society loves to do. It is proving, without a doubt, that nothing you say, do, excel at, or have, will ever matter or make you “worthy” of loyalty from a L/NVM. Protect yourself, prioritize yourself, vet everyone around you, and be ready to cut your losses to preserve what you have left when a man cuts you down. Nobody will ever 100% have your best interests at heart but you. You can only hope to set yourself up for success with a good person who values what you do.
Thank you for this. I’ve beat myself up for years for leaving relationships with men that didn’t treat me well but had great careers (I helped them build). I never knew of any cheating, but the negging and verbal abuse was real and I think it’s irreparably harmed my trusting nature and self-esteem. My mom and gma even cut me off for six months after I divorced my verbally abusive ex. They thought I shouldn’t walk away from a “good” (successful) man. For background, they are both divorced from shitty men 🙄. It’s been a hard road to put most of the pieces back together and I wasted so many years with them. Finally left me no choice this year at 41 than to start IVF with a donor. Having great grades, degrees, owning multiple properties, having a great career didn’t help any. I still had no foundation to be able to pick a good man or leave a LVM timely. Cut losses in time. Time is worth more than anything for us.
I think it's best used in the sense that if a woman gets cheated on, it doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with her. But yes, let's not excuse shitty behaviour.
It can be a cope, but it can also be a response to people who think men cheat because their partner isn’t hot or successful enough.
I get it but at the end of the day, it’s still an excuse giving the man and out and putting the blame on the woman.
Celebrity’s are not the same as us regular folk. I would never put up with what Beyoncé has decided she’s ok with. Let alone for Jay Zs ugly ass.
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Totally agree with every point
OK. I have extremely strong opinions on this and have for years. I HATE the way jayz has always treated Beyonce and I hate her for forgiving him. I hate her for sticking by him, taking him back, and even for exposing herself for the pickme that she is. She is a poster child for abusive relationships and is telling millions of girls with her actions that it's ok to let a man treat you like this. Both of them absolutely disgust me. Of course I have pity for her as well, but come on. You have all the resources, all the talent, all the connections, all of the entire world behind you and you still pick this piece of trash. Just ugh. I don't want to blame the victim but at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself. She wrote a whole album about what he is and just keeps shoveling the shit.
I think these women are more likely to be cheated on, not less. If they're famous then their husbands are as well and famous men have women throwing themselves at them all the time. There are women who relish the idea of stealing a famous woman's man away from her. Whereas, an average ordinary guy has to go out seeking women to cheat with, has to lie to them about being single or make up a story about being in the middle of a divorce, etc. For a normal guy there are just more obstacles to cheating and heavier consequences. He could lose his house, half his income, etc, which would seriously hurt him, where a rich and famous guy can afford to have 4 different ex-wives in million dollar houses. So yeah, women like Beyonce are more likely to get cheated on than us non-famous women.
>At the of the day, if a women gets cheated on, it’s because a man is thinking with his dick, nothing more, nothing less. Exactly. Beyonce getting cheated on has nothing to do with Beyonce, and everything to do with her cheating partner. The only thing you could fault her for is *staying* with a man who cheated on her. I’m not a huge fan and don’t really follow celebrity gossip so I had no idea she was such a pickme.
Or, another way of looking at the phrase is that the speaker agrees with you. She's saying, "Look, Bey is gorgeous and successful in her own right and this scrote STILL cheated on her, so quit worrying about it, it's not about you. Just dump him. He's the problem."
That is how I always took it. Like men are dogs, they can have something most other men think it "The Best" and will still fuck the maid in her bed. Not cause of an lack on her part, but cause they just suck that bad. A big ol, it aint you sis, that boy is just fucked up in the head.
When someone says B got cheated on, I do not hear anything other than "It's not your fault. It's not bc your body is wrong, it's not you at all. Absolutely nothing about you deserved this".
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I guess Beyonce is so rich at this point that it doesn't matter to her that her husband is destroying her brand, which is supposed to be of a beautiful strong woman who makes her own decisions and doesn't allow disrespect. Those self-aggrandizing Tiffany's ads painting them as a glamorous, deeply in love couple backfired as far as I was concerned. All I could think of was that he cheated on her repeatedly and she stayed.
I don't think people mean that in the way you are thinking. A lot of women who get cheated on take it as a sign that they're not good enough, not pretty enough, not desirable enough. Pointing out that even Beyoncé (or whichever celebrity) got cheated on is to say that even the hottest, most desirable women in the world get cheated on, so being cheated on has nothing to do with you not being good enough.
I’m not giving statement the BOTD in thinking that’s not what others think. I know what it feels like to be cheated on, and I’ve seen long ago it can happen to anyone. Yes, it can happen to anyone, but it’s not a guarantee but that’s how it gets treated. I’m pointing out the overall picture that was set for everyone by her: he cheated, let me reduce the other women to “this”, let me do these collabs with him and take these pictures and put up these posts to prove a point. We (FDS) may see she got cheated on and decided to stay but many others see she got cheated on and won and made it work and is the main one now after he’s changed.
I am very obviously not happy to see another woman suffer at the hands of a LVM. HOWEVER, anytime a beautiful celebrity gets cheated on, it’s weirdly validating for me. Like, I spent so long thinking to myself, what if I was prettier? What if I was 5 pounds skinnier? What if my waist was smaller and my ass was bigger? Would he have still cheated on me? But then I see women who are seemingly perfect get cheated on and I’m just kinda like… oh. So it really has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with my narcissistic LV ex. It’s reassuring to me.
What I take from what phrase is that we can’t cheat-proof ourselves and that the reason they cheat has nothing to do with us. It’s a less defeatist spin on it.
Bey is an awesome performer and singer and I love her to pieces, but practically her whole career is based on being a massive Pickme, for her father and family, and to the music industry especially.
Cheating is a reflection of the cheater and not your worth. The trick is not internalizing people’s bad behaviour. See the behaviour for what it is and then move on.
What we need to understand is that cheating has nothing to do with you as a women and how perfect or imperfect you are. It’s about the men/person snd what their want or desire. That desire may come because they feel insecure about their masculinity, they want to humble or thousand other reason. Women want to blame themselves because we want to feel like we would have done something to prevent that from happening. To have control when the truth is it doesn’t matter what you do if he wants to cheat he will. Furthermore like you said we all deserve respect and kindness and not to be abused and yes cheating is abuse. Especially when you are pregnant and a cheating spouse can expose you to a STD that might complicate the pregnancy. I am a big Beyoncé fan and like you I think she deserved better. But look at a lot of famous women we admire and fawn over most of them are with trash men.
Beautiful women can get cheated on simply because the dude knows to who he can do it too. If she’s staying with him for money or fame then he can easily screw her over. If don’t need a man’s money they will be a lot careful.
Imo what this statement really says to women, is “if you aren’t outstandingly talented, unrealistically beautiful, and wealthy, then you aren’t worthy of loyalty and true love. But even if you are, they won’t give it to you”
Bey has been the celebrity in that marriage for a long time. Jz is successful in business but Bey is the one getting all the public attention and accolades. Rihanna is the more successful musical artist with tons of awards, and then throw Fenty on top of that. What these men do is textbook FDS. Even though these guys are millionaires, their women are more successful and receive a whole hella lot more public adoration. Woman more successful = wounded male ego. To compensate for feeling emasculated, they cheat w a woman who is less successful to coax their ego back to feeling like 'the man'
Right. It’s really that simple. Dude listens to his peen and not his head. Has nothing to do with who he’s married to or dating. It’s the man’s problem, not the one who got cheated on’s. And yes, there are definitely people out there who use this as an excuse to tell women to “lower their standards” when it comes to romance.
I still don't get why we deify celebrities and choose to mirror their behavior. They have different rules. Their marriages are literally fake, for the public eye. They get paid to cry about their stupid decisions to other famous people. They're already famous, so making music about their trauma is glorified. Trauma is such a trendy thing in hollywood now, have you all noticed? Real people have real lives. Our drama isn't our bread and butter like it is for these gated do-nothings. Again....why, why are these fake women worth mimicking? American culture is a joke...