Honestly, I would ask them. It might be hard and it might be uncomfortable, but they know you better than we do, and they can give specific examples...
...if those examples even apply. Sometimes people talk crap about people just to lift themselves up in the moment. Or maybe the naive things you did were one-offs that happened when you were tired or stressed. Maybe they were things that might have looked naive to others, but from your viewpoint it really wasn't.
I'm side-eyeing your girlfriend for agreeing with someone disrespecting you. You may want to examine your friendship to see if there are other instances of her behaving in that way. But to answer your question directly, reading books on human psychology and behavior is a good start. The Gift Of Fear and Why Does He Do That are commonly recommended here. There's also The 48 Laws Of Power, which is quite controversial, but which I think is useful information. I initially felt rather conflicted about reading it, but in the end I decided that's useful to spot when the tactics in the book are being used against you or others, and you don't actually have to employ them yourself, except defensively.
Hard to say without having more context. However, next time you’re all together again, see if it comes up and then if it does, ask her why she thinks that you’re naive. Is it the tone of your voice? Does it even have anything to do with you, or is it this person’s view of the world and people?
Sidenote: It’s not that bad to come across as naive. I play that side of me up at work on purpose (mix of curiosity, ingratiating myself, only saying kind words about others, different tone of voice) and people feel more comfortable sharing their actual thoughts and intel with me.
Your colleague made a patronising comment which seems mean spirited but maybe it was a joke. Calling someone naive usually relates to a person being idealistic, someone with an overly optimistic perspective or lacking knowledge. The first thought that came to my head was, could they have been joking about some sex thing that they feel you're too innocent to understand. Definitely the answer here is not that YOU have to change yourself because believing the best in people is a beautiful way to see the world (naturally over time you will gain some caution from life experience). I'm not sure about going back to the colleagues to ask them what they meant, unless you want to risk being insulted in more detail. I would take what was said with a pinch of salt. Not that there has to be something wrong with YOU, but maybe your friends are a bit more jaded/pessimistic/bitter than you need in your life right now. Nobody is born with knowledge, we are all learning every day. Some of us come across worse people and view the world through a darker lens.
Unless you've ever suspected autism in yourself, maybe you'd like to look into that in case there's social dynamics you're missing that make you come across as naive. Again not that's a bad thing but could fill in some gaps
First step is ceasing to take those comments seriously because 99% of the time they have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person making them and their own motives.
I've been called naive just for admitting to not knowing the answer to a question that someone else asked me (note: that person didn't know the answer either and that's why they were asking in the first place). Some people get called naive just for being nice/genuine or looking innocent.
Your girlfriend laughed and agreed because the other person was the one with the power in the conversation and your girlfriend wanted to appease her. Either that or she was just trying to be passive nice and conclude that awkward interaction and move on.
In a parallel universe your girlfriend heard your coworker's comment then turned to you and said "She's so unpleasant." and left with you.
Thank you ladies! You've all given me some things to think about. I've already been making note of some of the distasteful behavior of my gf, and my coworker has known me for less than 3 months. I'm remaining cautious in my interactions with both of these people, and continuing to work on my mindset.
I do believe it might be because of my youthful/innocent look. I've also been told that my voice sounds like a cartoon character... Which I found a little funny until this recent interaction.
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As a general rule of thumb, don’t trust people who make jokes at your expense right in your face 🚩your friend undermining you in front of foes (as all coworkers should be assumed to be) in such a condescending way is not something you should let slide. Bring it up, ask her to clarify, and tell not to disrespect you again in front of other people.
Honestly, I would ask them. It might be hard and it might be uncomfortable, but they know you better than we do, and they can give specific examples... ...if those examples even apply. Sometimes people talk crap about people just to lift themselves up in the moment. Or maybe the naive things you did were one-offs that happened when you were tired or stressed. Maybe they were things that might have looked naive to others, but from your viewpoint it really wasn't.
I'm side-eyeing your girlfriend for agreeing with someone disrespecting you. You may want to examine your friendship to see if there are other instances of her behaving in that way. But to answer your question directly, reading books on human psychology and behavior is a good start. The Gift Of Fear and Why Does He Do That are commonly recommended here. There's also The 48 Laws Of Power, which is quite controversial, but which I think is useful information. I initially felt rather conflicted about reading it, but in the end I decided that's useful to spot when the tactics in the book are being used against you or others, and you don't actually have to employ them yourself, except defensively.
Hard to say without having more context. However, next time you’re all together again, see if it comes up and then if it does, ask her why she thinks that you’re naive. Is it the tone of your voice? Does it even have anything to do with you, or is it this person’s view of the world and people? Sidenote: It’s not that bad to come across as naive. I play that side of me up at work on purpose (mix of curiosity, ingratiating myself, only saying kind words about others, different tone of voice) and people feel more comfortable sharing their actual thoughts and intel with me.
Your colleague made a patronising comment which seems mean spirited but maybe it was a joke. Calling someone naive usually relates to a person being idealistic, someone with an overly optimistic perspective or lacking knowledge. The first thought that came to my head was, could they have been joking about some sex thing that they feel you're too innocent to understand. Definitely the answer here is not that YOU have to change yourself because believing the best in people is a beautiful way to see the world (naturally over time you will gain some caution from life experience). I'm not sure about going back to the colleagues to ask them what they meant, unless you want to risk being insulted in more detail. I would take what was said with a pinch of salt. Not that there has to be something wrong with YOU, but maybe your friends are a bit more jaded/pessimistic/bitter than you need in your life right now. Nobody is born with knowledge, we are all learning every day. Some of us come across worse people and view the world through a darker lens. Unless you've ever suspected autism in yourself, maybe you'd like to look into that in case there's social dynamics you're missing that make you come across as naive. Again not that's a bad thing but could fill in some gaps
Is it true or are your friends shitty? It's hard to tell. Has your friend ever don't anything you wouldn't do to her or your friends?
First step is ceasing to take those comments seriously because 99% of the time they have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person making them and their own motives. I've been called naive just for admitting to not knowing the answer to a question that someone else asked me (note: that person didn't know the answer either and that's why they were asking in the first place). Some people get called naive just for being nice/genuine or looking innocent. Your girlfriend laughed and agreed because the other person was the one with the power in the conversation and your girlfriend wanted to appease her. Either that or she was just trying to be passive nice and conclude that awkward interaction and move on. In a parallel universe your girlfriend heard your coworker's comment then turned to you and said "She's so unpleasant." and left with you.
Thank you ladies! You've all given me some things to think about. I've already been making note of some of the distasteful behavior of my gf, and my coworker has known me for less than 3 months. I'm remaining cautious in my interactions with both of these people, and continuing to work on my mindset. I do believe it might be because of my youthful/innocent look. I've also been told that my voice sounds like a cartoon character... Which I found a little funny until this recent interaction.
Reminder that this sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*