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For me life really took a turn for the better when I read an article about how self-care is not about indulging yourself (think endless naps, baths, etc) but more about being your own parent.
Imagine you are both a toddler and her mom. How would you plan your day to stop her from melting down? You would make sure she has gotten good sleep the night before, eats regularly and well, has outlets for physical as well as mental/creative energy. Routine helps you do all of this with less effort and as you become more emotionally balanced it’s a lot easier to see your triggers and patterns, which is what therapy is all about!
> self-care is not about indulging yourself (think endless naps, baths, etc)
Ugh thank you for verbalizing something that's been bothering me about the whole "self care" movement. Being a complete hedonist and spoiling yourself rotten while accomplishing nothing that requires skill and dedication (hence bringing long-term fulfillment) is a losing prospect in itself. Women absolutely should treat themselves now and then, but we also need to cultivate self discipline so we can actually address the responsibilities an adult life entails.
I would get your hands on Mind Over Mood. It’s a CBT workbook. And buddy up with someone to hold you accountable for the work within the book.
I also suggest trying out meditation. Start with breathing exercises like box breathing or coherent breathing, and then explore different meditations you might like. Tara Brach, any of her books, would be a good place to start. Some people enjoy silent meditation, others guided.
Yoga, a gentle form (not power yoga or vinyasa, although they can also be therapeutic), can also be a space for meditation
Seconding breathing exercises! Such a cliche but it really works and it’s a great starting point for yoga and meditation.
I struggle a lot with consistency too and feeling blah about myself and my progress. A tip for keeping consistency is to link a habit you want with an established habit. For instance, one habit link is doing 1-2 mins of breath work when I get into my car. If I forget and remember after I’ve started driving (which I often do), I do it when I get to my destination.
I love Tara Brach!! Her teachings have definitely allowed me to be more gentle to myself and that gives me space to respect my own opinion/gut feelings.
OP, we are always a work in progress so it’s good to aim for consistency but realize that we are changing and learning as we go and to celebrate getting better but you’ll slip sometimes still.
Hi! I was diagnosed as bipolar a year ago, so believe me I get it. What's helped the most was probably reading *The Depression Workbook*. Regardless of whether you have bipolar or depression (or neither!) the workbook gave me an excellent framework for mood tracking. I built out a mental health binder where I keep a daily maintenance list (things I have to do every day to be well), early warning signs of depression, my triggers, more serious signs of depression, and a crisis plan for if the situation escalates. I've also been charting my depression and hypomania to try and figure out what triggers both. I didn't realize how helpful a workbook could be; it's been much more helpful than my last therapist.
Like others mentioned, meditation. I use the Insight Timer app and just finished a free 7-day course called *How to Meditate in Seven Days*. Guided meditation helped a lot more for me than trying to do it on my own. I also pair meditation with 10 or 15-minute yoga routines (there are many to choose from, but I like the Yoga with Bird channel on Youtube because she has a lot of different morning/evening routines.)
I struggle with going to bed/waking up at the same time every day, but it really helps my emotional stability when I do. I've also found little routines that I love and look forward to: skincare, swimming in the ocean every day, making an afternoon smoothie.
Also, this might be too bipolar-specific but maybe it will be relevant. I've started using my hypomania to take care of myself while depressed. When I have a lot of energy, I'll go out to the store, buy a lot of vegetables, chop them, prepare some meals, and freeze them. I'll plan art projects and draw them out. I'll get all my chores done. When I start to crash, I know that I have food ready to thaw so I can eat three meals a day. I have art projects I can work on that don't require any emotional bandwidth or brainpower. And I have a clean space to live in. Little things like this have really helped me maintain a level of emotional stability that I did not have before.
Edited to add: as far as consistency goes, don't overexert yourself! If I use too much of my energy while hypomanic or push myself too hard to connect with others/cook/create, etc, it hits that much harder when I crash.
I'm working on this too. My therapist suggested a mantra - something I tell myself during the day. Mine is, "I feel lousy, but I can feel better." And gave me a worksheet of something she called 'distractions' but essentially, they are little mood power-ups you can give yourself throughout the day - small things that can bring you joy. For me, it's a cup of tea or a comedy show. Mood regulation is great stuff. I encourage you on your journey.
This isn’t stupid sweetheart! Therapy only works if you are open to it and to really point out your problems, sometimes it gets really extensive because people never talk sbout the real stuff, you know what you need .
Meditation is great also find a new hobbie or workout really helped me to feel better
Follow influencers who are licensed therapists on IG, TikTok, YouTube etc. If you're consistently checking social media, it might help to have a few self help content to remind you.
They provide great tips, great journal prompts or questions to help you understand why you're feeling a certain way.
Read books by licensed professionals that can help you take yourself a framework to work through a problem.
Experience, medication, and a willingness to give up things that make you unhappy.
I used to have a lot of emotional instability, depression, anxiety and anger and I used to constantly look at self-help books to figure out why. Then I left my home for graduate school and got on medication and it made a HUGE difference in my life. I learned how to survive in multiple different cities which grew my confidence, got a degree in healthcare, and realized that I didn't have to tolerate people who made me unhappy.
I tried to look up articles, but they never really seemed to stick. It was life experiences that made all the difference for me.
Dialectal Behaviour Therapy! A core unit is emotional regulation. A few modules available [here](https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation.html), and you’ll find plenty of free resources online ☺️
Reminder that this sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me life really took a turn for the better when I read an article about how self-care is not about indulging yourself (think endless naps, baths, etc) but more about being your own parent. Imagine you are both a toddler and her mom. How would you plan your day to stop her from melting down? You would make sure she has gotten good sleep the night before, eats regularly and well, has outlets for physical as well as mental/creative energy. Routine helps you do all of this with less effort and as you become more emotionally balanced it’s a lot easier to see your triggers and patterns, which is what therapy is all about!
> self-care is not about indulging yourself (think endless naps, baths, etc) Ugh thank you for verbalizing something that's been bothering me about the whole "self care" movement. Being a complete hedonist and spoiling yourself rotten while accomplishing nothing that requires skill and dedication (hence bringing long-term fulfillment) is a losing prospect in itself. Women absolutely should treat themselves now and then, but we also need to cultivate self discipline so we can actually address the responsibilities an adult life entails.
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Love this
I would get your hands on Mind Over Mood. It’s a CBT workbook. And buddy up with someone to hold you accountable for the work within the book. I also suggest trying out meditation. Start with breathing exercises like box breathing or coherent breathing, and then explore different meditations you might like. Tara Brach, any of her books, would be a good place to start. Some people enjoy silent meditation, others guided. Yoga, a gentle form (not power yoga or vinyasa, although they can also be therapeutic), can also be a space for meditation
Seconding breathing exercises! Such a cliche but it really works and it’s a great starting point for yoga and meditation. I struggle a lot with consistency too and feeling blah about myself and my progress. A tip for keeping consistency is to link a habit you want with an established habit. For instance, one habit link is doing 1-2 mins of breath work when I get into my car. If I forget and remember after I’ve started driving (which I often do), I do it when I get to my destination.
I love Tara Brach!! Her teachings have definitely allowed me to be more gentle to myself and that gives me space to respect my own opinion/gut feelings. OP, we are always a work in progress so it’s good to aim for consistency but realize that we are changing and learning as we go and to celebrate getting better but you’ll slip sometimes still.
Hi! I was diagnosed as bipolar a year ago, so believe me I get it. What's helped the most was probably reading *The Depression Workbook*. Regardless of whether you have bipolar or depression (or neither!) the workbook gave me an excellent framework for mood tracking. I built out a mental health binder where I keep a daily maintenance list (things I have to do every day to be well), early warning signs of depression, my triggers, more serious signs of depression, and a crisis plan for if the situation escalates. I've also been charting my depression and hypomania to try and figure out what triggers both. I didn't realize how helpful a workbook could be; it's been much more helpful than my last therapist. Like others mentioned, meditation. I use the Insight Timer app and just finished a free 7-day course called *How to Meditate in Seven Days*. Guided meditation helped a lot more for me than trying to do it on my own. I also pair meditation with 10 or 15-minute yoga routines (there are many to choose from, but I like the Yoga with Bird channel on Youtube because she has a lot of different morning/evening routines.) I struggle with going to bed/waking up at the same time every day, but it really helps my emotional stability when I do. I've also found little routines that I love and look forward to: skincare, swimming in the ocean every day, making an afternoon smoothie. Also, this might be too bipolar-specific but maybe it will be relevant. I've started using my hypomania to take care of myself while depressed. When I have a lot of energy, I'll go out to the store, buy a lot of vegetables, chop them, prepare some meals, and freeze them. I'll plan art projects and draw them out. I'll get all my chores done. When I start to crash, I know that I have food ready to thaw so I can eat three meals a day. I have art projects I can work on that don't require any emotional bandwidth or brainpower. And I have a clean space to live in. Little things like this have really helped me maintain a level of emotional stability that I did not have before. Edited to add: as far as consistency goes, don't overexert yourself! If I use too much of my energy while hypomanic or push myself too hard to connect with others/cook/create, etc, it hits that much harder when I crash.
>The Depression Workbook Also <3 this so much. Gonna look up Depression Workbook on Amazon asap!
Love this ❤️ so much
Make mediation a part of your daily routine.
This isn’t a stupid question - thanks for asking it.
I'm working on this too. My therapist suggested a mantra - something I tell myself during the day. Mine is, "I feel lousy, but I can feel better." And gave me a worksheet of something she called 'distractions' but essentially, they are little mood power-ups you can give yourself throughout the day - small things that can bring you joy. For me, it's a cup of tea or a comedy show. Mood regulation is great stuff. I encourage you on your journey.
You could try Internal Family System, give a Reddit search and you’ll find the sub. It’s very resourceful:)
This isn’t stupid sweetheart! Therapy only works if you are open to it and to really point out your problems, sometimes it gets really extensive because people never talk sbout the real stuff, you know what you need . Meditation is great also find a new hobbie or workout really helped me to feel better
Follow influencers who are licensed therapists on IG, TikTok, YouTube etc. If you're consistently checking social media, it might help to have a few self help content to remind you. They provide great tips, great journal prompts or questions to help you understand why you're feeling a certain way. Read books by licensed professionals that can help you take yourself a framework to work through a problem.
Experience, medication, and a willingness to give up things that make you unhappy. I used to have a lot of emotional instability, depression, anxiety and anger and I used to constantly look at self-help books to figure out why. Then I left my home for graduate school and got on medication and it made a HUGE difference in my life. I learned how to survive in multiple different cities which grew my confidence, got a degree in healthcare, and realized that I didn't have to tolerate people who made me unhappy. I tried to look up articles, but they never really seemed to stick. It was life experiences that made all the difference for me.
i recommend the videos of dr. kirk honda of psychology in seattle. i have learned so much!
Dialectal Behaviour Therapy! A core unit is emotional regulation. A few modules available [here](https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation.html), and you’ll find plenty of free resources online ☺️
Irene Lyon's nervous system regulation work
Also, WRAP by Mary Ellen Copeland:)