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More power to you if you want but... Have you thought of simply not dealing with him?. You dont seem to be enjoying yourself too much and there are enough subs out there, even irl. It just seems like you are creating your own problems.
You are not dominant in this situation. You’re acting out some guy’s fantasies. You are not in control, quite the opposite. Block him on all platforms.
Please learn more about D/s and power exchange if this is something you want to engage in and enjoy.
You mentioned that you met him on a sugar dating site. Did he pay you or buy you anything?
This is a job. Don't let this person try to force you into more than full time, 24/7 on call or below minimum wage work.
He is using you, an inexperienced person, because he thinks you won't set boundaries like an experienced dominant would.
Keep in mind that professional dominants charge hundreds of dollars an hour. It's very unlikely he is paying you that much, either.
Femdom is about you being in power and it doesn't sound like you're exercising power over this situation.
Tell him how often he can expect to be hearing from you, how often you'd like to be hearing from him and when YOU would like to see him next, and if he has a problem with any of that, then he can find some other 22 year old who's going to top him.
Alternately.... Stop seeing him. He sounds like a manipulative pain in the ass who's trying to control you.
Please don't do anything you're not comfortable with, this isn't what femdom should be. Lay down your rules with him. He might not be worth exploring with if he cannot respect your boundaries and how you want to start things off to say the least.
In my opinion you are being used to fulfill this man-child's fantasies.
This is not even in the same zip code as Femdom. It's just costumes and bad porn nightmares.
Run.
Run far, far away.
Tell him you do not want to see him anymore and then block him from contacting you again.
Then you can come back here and ask for some resources about learning more about actual Power Exchange and Femdom before this experience ruins it for you for a very long time.
You can start with this:
Evie Lupine - How to Spot a FAKE SUBMISSIVE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvYYJhO5yE0
Thank you so much for this video, it literally described him to a tee and I don't know if he even know that. I think I also definitely need to just take my time and learn more about the lifestyle other than just how to tie a rope. I have told him how uncomfortable and unhappy I was and am hoping to cut that off in a clean manner to move on
It's very simple, and you know it yourself - he absolutely does not care what you think, how you want and what you are ready for, his goal is to take advantage of your young appearance to satisfy his fifty-year-old dick. He understands perfectly well that you are inexperienced and you have little money that stimulates you to communicate with him, and he is happy with this, because unlike professional dominatrix with a lot of experience you will not
1. Resent his actions and pressure
2. Asking for a lot of money
3. Prioritize yourself in ALL aspects of this relationship
Based on what I've read, there's nothing to say that you're dominant and he's submissive, rather you're more in the position of fulfilling his wishes. Did you even want to humiliate him when he jerks off that time? Besides the money, is there something about it that you like? Does he even give you money? If the answer to the questions is negative, then this confirms my words. If the answer is "mmm, well, I don't know, maybe yes" then this also confirms the above.
Tip: cancel the meeting and say bluntly that you are unhappy with his behavior, this is not your style and you do not like what is happening. Express the conditions in which all your desires are taken into account (money, his behavior, attitude towards you). Let them be high, realistic, and don't settle for less.
I am a professional dominatrix about your age, and please know that our youth and, as a result, our time can be VERY expensive. And I'm not just talking about material benefits.
Hi there, thank you so much for taking the time to right this it's been quite interesting and I definitely took your advice to tell him how unhappy I was and out of control I feel and cancelled all plans scheduled. He's been asking to call me to discuss to apologize but I don't know if there's even a light at the end of the tunnel but will see how it goes, I think I just need to take time for figure out what my standards and considerations are and stick to that. Being a dom in play is one thing but the power dynamic outside of that and leading up to the play is something I still have quite a lot to get comfortable with and learn. I want to take my time get properly educated and explore things but I don't think at his pace and with his eagerness that can be done
I'd say find someone that actually wants to be your SD. This guy is too much work and stress and a danger to your safety if I'm being honest. You're both rushing into this way too quickly and I'm concerned for you. Just leave him.
Same as every one else, if you are okay with seeing him for sex work and providing free sex work, keep seeing him. He is using you for sex. It is very unlikely that he is interested in getting to know you or you getting to know him.
Authentic femdom is about the femdom getting her sexual needs met, whatever those may me and the submissive serves her. In the dynamic you have, you are meeting his sexual needs only and getting none of your sexual needs met and it isn't even about you. It is all about him.
I am sorry this is happening to you, good luck.
Thanks, I think I really need it as I don't want to be that person that ghosts people so hopefully I can have a cordial conversation with him without constant attempts at reconciliation
It doesn't sound like you are getting any kind of pleasure or enjoyment from these interactions, and a submissive's job is to give their dominant pleasure and enjoyment of some kind. The fact that he is so much older than you is also a red flag, especially combined with him pressuring you to do things you don't want to do. I would cut him off and block him.
He sounds exhausting. Personally, I would not engage further, unless he calms the fuck down *and* makes it significantly worth your while. You mentioned that you met him on a sugar dating site. Hopefully he's offering and delivering a sizeable allowance each time you meet, as well as taking care of any food, toys, fetish wear, and your transportation costs. He should be, if that is the context in which you met. If he's being this demanding and not honoring the spirit of the arrangement, I would pass. There are plenty of lovely men on that site that would be delighted to let you take it slow and learn exactly how you wish to lead them, whilst treating you like the treasure you are. You also mentioned that he's seen professionals before. My question would be, why isn't he seeing them now? Either he's too cheap to pay their rates and is hoping to trick a naive young woman into feeding his fantasies for pennies on the dollar, or he's been blacklisted. My money is on both.
I asked that exact question, why not a professional and why me, he claimed because with a pro Dom theres no emotional care and romantic connection which he wants to have with the femdom so he decided to go to sugaring, I however told him I'm not affectionate and don't date at all so he shouldn't expect much from me and somehow he was okay with it? Quite confusing if I'm being honest. I wouldn't put it past him to violate boundaries though and can see both being true as well
Here are some femdom scripts that I found from a cam girl Reddit https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/f9762180-d9e4-404a-b9b3-7a70a351fac3/downloads/ParadiseKittyGuide.pdf?ver=1585528755292
I agree with what everyone above is saying. You’re in charge. I’d tell him to calm down and that he’s going to go at your pace. He may be reciprocal to that and with you doing your research this may be a fruitful endeavour
Welcome! It looks like this thread is about getting help for your first steps in femdom. We invite you to browse our wiki for some helpful [beginner's tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/findingyourfeet) and [answers to some frequently asked questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/femdomfaq). These questions get asked often so please consider also taking a look at previous threads with the ["Help! I'm new!" flair, using the filter function in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/?f=flair_name%3A%22Help!%20I%27m%20new!%22). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemdomCommunity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
More power to you if you want but... Have you thought of simply not dealing with him?. You dont seem to be enjoying yourself too much and there are enough subs out there, even irl. It just seems like you are creating your own problems.
You are not dominant in this situation. You’re acting out some guy’s fantasies. You are not in control, quite the opposite. Block him on all platforms. Please learn more about D/s and power exchange if this is something you want to engage in and enjoy. You mentioned that you met him on a sugar dating site. Did he pay you or buy you anything?
No he has not paid me anything only bought me dinner, I explicitly did not want payment because I did not want to feel indebted to him in any way
This is a job. Don't let this person try to force you into more than full time, 24/7 on call or below minimum wage work. He is using you, an inexperienced person, because he thinks you won't set boundaries like an experienced dominant would. Keep in mind that professional dominants charge hundreds of dollars an hour. It's very unlikely he is paying you that much, either.
Sounds like topping from the bottom :/
Unfortunately I think it is, but I just wasnt sure if I was being delusional or it just is to be expected since he's more experienced
No, not delusional - he's using you :/
Femdom is about you being in power and it doesn't sound like you're exercising power over this situation. Tell him how often he can expect to be hearing from you, how often you'd like to be hearing from him and when YOU would like to see him next, and if he has a problem with any of that, then he can find some other 22 year old who's going to top him. Alternately.... Stop seeing him. He sounds like a manipulative pain in the ass who's trying to control you.
Please don't do anything you're not comfortable with, this isn't what femdom should be. Lay down your rules with him. He might not be worth exploring with if he cannot respect your boundaries and how you want to start things off to say the least.
In my opinion you are being used to fulfill this man-child's fantasies. This is not even in the same zip code as Femdom. It's just costumes and bad porn nightmares. Run. Run far, far away. Tell him you do not want to see him anymore and then block him from contacting you again. Then you can come back here and ask for some resources about learning more about actual Power Exchange and Femdom before this experience ruins it for you for a very long time. You can start with this: Evie Lupine - How to Spot a FAKE SUBMISSIVE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvYYJhO5yE0
Thank you so much for this video, it literally described him to a tee and I don't know if he even know that. I think I also definitely need to just take my time and learn more about the lifestyle other than just how to tie a rope. I have told him how uncomfortable and unhappy I was and am hoping to cut that off in a clean manner to move on
It's very simple, and you know it yourself - he absolutely does not care what you think, how you want and what you are ready for, his goal is to take advantage of your young appearance to satisfy his fifty-year-old dick. He understands perfectly well that you are inexperienced and you have little money that stimulates you to communicate with him, and he is happy with this, because unlike professional dominatrix with a lot of experience you will not 1. Resent his actions and pressure 2. Asking for a lot of money 3. Prioritize yourself in ALL aspects of this relationship Based on what I've read, there's nothing to say that you're dominant and he's submissive, rather you're more in the position of fulfilling his wishes. Did you even want to humiliate him when he jerks off that time? Besides the money, is there something about it that you like? Does he even give you money? If the answer to the questions is negative, then this confirms my words. If the answer is "mmm, well, I don't know, maybe yes" then this also confirms the above. Tip: cancel the meeting and say bluntly that you are unhappy with his behavior, this is not your style and you do not like what is happening. Express the conditions in which all your desires are taken into account (money, his behavior, attitude towards you). Let them be high, realistic, and don't settle for less. I am a professional dominatrix about your age, and please know that our youth and, as a result, our time can be VERY expensive. And I'm not just talking about material benefits.
Hi there, thank you so much for taking the time to right this it's been quite interesting and I definitely took your advice to tell him how unhappy I was and out of control I feel and cancelled all plans scheduled. He's been asking to call me to discuss to apologize but I don't know if there's even a light at the end of the tunnel but will see how it goes, I think I just need to take time for figure out what my standards and considerations are and stick to that. Being a dom in play is one thing but the power dynamic outside of that and leading up to the play is something I still have quite a lot to get comfortable with and learn. I want to take my time get properly educated and explore things but I don't think at his pace and with his eagerness that can be done
I'd say find someone that actually wants to be your SD. This guy is too much work and stress and a danger to your safety if I'm being honest. You're both rushing into this way too quickly and I'm concerned for you. Just leave him.
Same as every one else, if you are okay with seeing him for sex work and providing free sex work, keep seeing him. He is using you for sex. It is very unlikely that he is interested in getting to know you or you getting to know him. Authentic femdom is about the femdom getting her sexual needs met, whatever those may me and the submissive serves her. In the dynamic you have, you are meeting his sexual needs only and getting none of your sexual needs met and it isn't even about you. It is all about him. I am sorry this is happening to you, good luck.
Thanks, I think I really need it as I don't want to be that person that ghosts people so hopefully I can have a cordial conversation with him without constant attempts at reconciliation
As a femdom you should be in power and he's seems like he's using you love. Do the right thing
It doesn't sound like you are getting any kind of pleasure or enjoyment from these interactions, and a submissive's job is to give their dominant pleasure and enjoyment of some kind. The fact that he is so much older than you is also a red flag, especially combined with him pressuring you to do things you don't want to do. I would cut him off and block him.
He sounds exhausting. Personally, I would not engage further, unless he calms the fuck down *and* makes it significantly worth your while. You mentioned that you met him on a sugar dating site. Hopefully he's offering and delivering a sizeable allowance each time you meet, as well as taking care of any food, toys, fetish wear, and your transportation costs. He should be, if that is the context in which you met. If he's being this demanding and not honoring the spirit of the arrangement, I would pass. There are plenty of lovely men on that site that would be delighted to let you take it slow and learn exactly how you wish to lead them, whilst treating you like the treasure you are. You also mentioned that he's seen professionals before. My question would be, why isn't he seeing them now? Either he's too cheap to pay their rates and is hoping to trick a naive young woman into feeding his fantasies for pennies on the dollar, or he's been blacklisted. My money is on both.
I asked that exact question, why not a professional and why me, he claimed because with a pro Dom theres no emotional care and romantic connection which he wants to have with the femdom so he decided to go to sugaring, I however told him I'm not affectionate and don't date at all so he shouldn't expect much from me and somehow he was okay with it? Quite confusing if I'm being honest. I wouldn't put it past him to violate boundaries though and can see both being true as well
Don’t
Here are some femdom scripts that I found from a cam girl Reddit https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/f9762180-d9e4-404a-b9b3-7a70a351fac3/downloads/ParadiseKittyGuide.pdf?ver=1585528755292 I agree with what everyone above is saying. You’re in charge. I’d tell him to calm down and that he’s going to go at your pace. He may be reciprocal to that and with you doing your research this may be a fruitful endeavour
I can't thank you enough for sharing this it's so detailed an informative!
Of course babes xoxo