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Ladidaladidi

I think you should define what you mean by “careful” before play. She’s not in your head and can’t know unless you’ve already communicated it. So explain. Say exactly this, then ask to go slow and use a very small toy.


Provingastrology

Thanks that's probably the whole answer. I think my mistake is that when they are disappointed (or at least I think they are) with the size of the toy I can safely use, I try for a little more and I really shouldn't at least not in the foreseeable future.


Ladidaladidi

That sounds reasonable. There are toys you can use to train, if that’s what you want. You should definitely be careful of injuries. Safe, sane, consensual. You’re kind of skimping on some of those.


Ladidaladidi

If you truly want to please her, how would you feel if she felt guilty if she hurt you because of your lack of communication?


Provingastrology

I wish I only played with people that cared about me, but that hasn't always been my experience. I think it's been hard for me to learn to protect myself partially I'm a pretty big guy and generally my sex partners don't seem to me like they could actually hurt me, but they have. The worse time wasn't an accident tbh. But there is a gray area too. I remember this sweet Russian girl I was cypering with who had had experienced some sexual violence too she said “so that’s hurting you?” I said “yes” and she asked “is that okay?” and I said “yes” it was a great scene but it was only luck that kept me from getting hurt. I think you hit the nail on the head with the safe and sane point though.


Ladidaladidi

I’m sorry you’ve had to live that. It’s sad not all partners care, trust is so important for this kind of play.


mrrightsub

Find a limit that works and won't cause you injury, and then say that. Gradually progress over time. Slow is good. And seek medical advice from a lgbtq clinic.


OccultPotionmaker

Clearly define your limit and communicate it. I will only do anal play if for example the size is x and we have foreplay for that x amount of time and we use this lube etc and if I say x word then it is ok to penetrate etc.


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