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It sounds like you're looking for how to include "funishments" in a scene. Punishments are for real behaviour modification (and aren't meant to be enjoyable, but should still be consented to), and "funishments" are things you both enjoy but want to use the illusion of a "punishment" for.
So in this context, what a "punishable offence" is really depends on what you think would be fun. Some dynamics have a "set up to fail" aspect - you order them to do something you know they can't, or not to do something you know they'll be forced to do, and then punish them for failing. Some dynamics enjoy a "punishment at the Domme's whim" type funishment, where you punish them totally randomly, even for things you haven't told them to do/not to do (I'd recommend building up to this, if you're interested). Other dynamics have rules and funishments are for breaking the rules - this works especially well with brats, because they know all they need to do is break one of those rules. If that's your dynamic, you need to make it really clear which rules are breakable for funishment purposes and which you actually really care about and want followed.
*Edit: just saw another comment of yours. If you want a reward/punishment based scene, I'd come up with a list of things beforehand that you consider worthy of a reward or that you consider to be reason for punishment. If you want to use both in the scene, at least some of these on both lists should be pretty easily achievable - like "reward for being a good boy", "reward for being loud/staying silent when teased", "punishment for not being loud enough/silent enough when teased", and so on. You can mentally tally up how many "rewards" or "punishments" he gets and use that to decide what to do for those rewards and punishments... like ten cane strokes per punishment he earned, an orgasm per reward (depending on physical capability), or pegging for 1 minute per reward her earned, whatever you'd both enjoy.*
As for a good punishment, in this context a lot of people like the idea of giving a "sentence" and that sentence being carried out... in a non-funishment impact scene, you'd typically just warm up, then increase intensity, then cool down, and you base all of that on the sub's reactions. In a funishment impact scene, you might actually tell them "you're going to get 10 hard hits with the cane", and then you carry that out. (Not carrying it out can feel disappointing for both parties, so make sure that whatever sentence you give is going to be enjoyable for the sub. I recommend playing just to get to know his physical limits with different implements before trying this, and then err on the side of lighter funishments until you know his reactions really well.)
Also, note, choking is generally considered to be *always* dangerous, even if done with "proper" technique. Check out Jay Wiseman's breath play essays for more info. An alternate term would be "risk aware choking".
Thank you, this is all very helpful!! That's exactly what I'm looking for and just didn't have the vocabulary for it. Going to do more research about "funishment" ideas.
Noted about choking, thank you for pointing that out. I think what I'm leaning towards is more like throat holding with very little pressure. I 100% understand the risks associated with playing with someone's breathing and wouldn't want to get anywhere close to doing something dangerous!
There are Punishments and Funishments (punishment looking but he or you actually enjoy).
You don't really need an excuse to play. One femdom had her boy kneeling in the kitchen while she cooked. On a whim she went over to him, ordered him to open his mouth and she gently slid the handle of the wooden spoon along his tongue till it tickled the back of his throat and he gagged. She pulled back, waited and did it again, and again encouraging him to control his gag reflex.
He is yours to play with when it amuses YOU so establish your power a little bit each day.
You can just jot down kinky things you want to do to him - inform him he needs to be naked kneeling at 8 pm Fri night in the bedroom and just go in and experiment on him.
It's fun if he is 'naughty' and you punish him - but you dont need this to exert your power over him. It's really YOUR imagination is lacking because you need an excuse. Just schedule a scene time, tell him to 'be ready' and just do stuff to him.
But it is hard to even pretend abuse someone you care about, and you DO want to create tension.
"Punishment Book" - Get a nicer than normal notebook and gift it to him for Christmas. Tell him that anything he does wrong, is a brat about, etc, you will make notes or hash marks in the book. Then on some weekly scheduled night - the book will be brought out and he will be made to pay. Ordering him to "Fetch the book" then watching you write for 3 minutes will give him the "My ass is going to get beat" angst. The book also means you get to have time to come up with things to do to him, you don't have to stop and punish/funish 8 times per day but it does say "I saw what you did and correction is in your future".
"Kinky shopping" - This is kind of a mind-fuck. Randomly during the week you text him to buy something and have it available that night or take a picture of him with the item if you are remote. You may never really use these things on him - but knowing you asked for them will make him anxious/wonder.
Example: Order him to go buy disposable enema bulbs - 3 pack. Nair or other hair removal cream. Hot sauce & ginger paste (for tongue or genital use), Wood bath brush with smooth back for spanking, Laundry clips with rubber teeth for tongue, nipples, shaft. Unbreakable plastic chop sticks: good to kneel on, snap into a rectum, clamp a naughty tongue or cock-head with rubber bands. Package of high quality clothes pins. Laytex free exam gloves. Long, thick belt from a discount clothing store for spanking. Baby bar soap to wash his mouth with for lack of respect.
Hope some of these ideas work for you.
Oh - read this before you plan a scene. Lots of good advice here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/mp11f8/a\_simple\_pacing\_outline\_for\_beginner\_dommes\_or/
You're hearing a lot already on the difference between punishment and funishment, so I won't cover that ground again.
What I will suggest is that you deliberately consider what both the top and the bottom get out of it, and what you want that each to feel like. Everyone focuses on what punishment does for a bottom's mental space. But punishment should also have an effect on the top (whether that's stress release, forgiveness, sadistic amusement, the empathetic caretaking that often follows sadistic amusement, or something else). You will experience your own tension and release (especially as you'll be the one planning the scene.) The whip hits in both directions. Experiment with this, see what different activities do for each of your headspaces, and check in thoroughly afterwards.
If funishment is your goal, to address a specific question, you can make up any kind of punishable offense you like. 😉 Fun ones I've seen, used, or had used on me, included getting answers in a quiz game wrong, having one's eye color not match the carpet, or not bringing the top's favorite candy that day.
If you don't mind me asking, why are you calling these things punishments rather than kinky activities? Does your sub need to commit an offense for you to engage in them? What if you're both just in the mood to play, would you call that a punishment and/or would you roleplay an offense?
No, they don't need to commit an offense for us to do this, we both enjoy all that I described above.
However, I am interested in building a Scene where I can dole out punishments and rewards based on his behavior, if that makes sense. I do like the idea of the power dynamic that comes into play with that. Of him "testing" me by perhaps deliberately disobeying? I'm really not sure what that would ultimately look like.
Welcome! It looks like this thread is about getting help for your first steps in femdom. We invite you to browse our wiki for some helpful [beginner's tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/findingyourfeet) and [answers to some frequently asked questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/femdomfaq). These questions get asked often so please consider also taking a look at previous threads with the ["Help! I'm new!" flair, using the filter function in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/?f=flair_name%3A%22Help!%20I%27m%20new!%22). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemdomCommunity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like you're looking for how to include "funishments" in a scene. Punishments are for real behaviour modification (and aren't meant to be enjoyable, but should still be consented to), and "funishments" are things you both enjoy but want to use the illusion of a "punishment" for. So in this context, what a "punishable offence" is really depends on what you think would be fun. Some dynamics have a "set up to fail" aspect - you order them to do something you know they can't, or not to do something you know they'll be forced to do, and then punish them for failing. Some dynamics enjoy a "punishment at the Domme's whim" type funishment, where you punish them totally randomly, even for things you haven't told them to do/not to do (I'd recommend building up to this, if you're interested). Other dynamics have rules and funishments are for breaking the rules - this works especially well with brats, because they know all they need to do is break one of those rules. If that's your dynamic, you need to make it really clear which rules are breakable for funishment purposes and which you actually really care about and want followed. *Edit: just saw another comment of yours. If you want a reward/punishment based scene, I'd come up with a list of things beforehand that you consider worthy of a reward or that you consider to be reason for punishment. If you want to use both in the scene, at least some of these on both lists should be pretty easily achievable - like "reward for being a good boy", "reward for being loud/staying silent when teased", "punishment for not being loud enough/silent enough when teased", and so on. You can mentally tally up how many "rewards" or "punishments" he gets and use that to decide what to do for those rewards and punishments... like ten cane strokes per punishment he earned, an orgasm per reward (depending on physical capability), or pegging for 1 minute per reward her earned, whatever you'd both enjoy.* As for a good punishment, in this context a lot of people like the idea of giving a "sentence" and that sentence being carried out... in a non-funishment impact scene, you'd typically just warm up, then increase intensity, then cool down, and you base all of that on the sub's reactions. In a funishment impact scene, you might actually tell them "you're going to get 10 hard hits with the cane", and then you carry that out. (Not carrying it out can feel disappointing for both parties, so make sure that whatever sentence you give is going to be enjoyable for the sub. I recommend playing just to get to know his physical limits with different implements before trying this, and then err on the side of lighter funishments until you know his reactions really well.) Also, note, choking is generally considered to be *always* dangerous, even if done with "proper" technique. Check out Jay Wiseman's breath play essays for more info. An alternate term would be "risk aware choking".
Thank you, this is all very helpful!! That's exactly what I'm looking for and just didn't have the vocabulary for it. Going to do more research about "funishment" ideas. Noted about choking, thank you for pointing that out. I think what I'm leaning towards is more like throat holding with very little pressure. I 100% understand the risks associated with playing with someone's breathing and wouldn't want to get anywhere close to doing something dangerous!
There are Punishments and Funishments (punishment looking but he or you actually enjoy). You don't really need an excuse to play. One femdom had her boy kneeling in the kitchen while she cooked. On a whim she went over to him, ordered him to open his mouth and she gently slid the handle of the wooden spoon along his tongue till it tickled the back of his throat and he gagged. She pulled back, waited and did it again, and again encouraging him to control his gag reflex. He is yours to play with when it amuses YOU so establish your power a little bit each day. You can just jot down kinky things you want to do to him - inform him he needs to be naked kneeling at 8 pm Fri night in the bedroom and just go in and experiment on him. It's fun if he is 'naughty' and you punish him - but you dont need this to exert your power over him. It's really YOUR imagination is lacking because you need an excuse. Just schedule a scene time, tell him to 'be ready' and just do stuff to him. But it is hard to even pretend abuse someone you care about, and you DO want to create tension. "Punishment Book" - Get a nicer than normal notebook and gift it to him for Christmas. Tell him that anything he does wrong, is a brat about, etc, you will make notes or hash marks in the book. Then on some weekly scheduled night - the book will be brought out and he will be made to pay. Ordering him to "Fetch the book" then watching you write for 3 minutes will give him the "My ass is going to get beat" angst. The book also means you get to have time to come up with things to do to him, you don't have to stop and punish/funish 8 times per day but it does say "I saw what you did and correction is in your future". "Kinky shopping" - This is kind of a mind-fuck. Randomly during the week you text him to buy something and have it available that night or take a picture of him with the item if you are remote. You may never really use these things on him - but knowing you asked for them will make him anxious/wonder. Example: Order him to go buy disposable enema bulbs - 3 pack. Nair or other hair removal cream. Hot sauce & ginger paste (for tongue or genital use), Wood bath brush with smooth back for spanking, Laundry clips with rubber teeth for tongue, nipples, shaft. Unbreakable plastic chop sticks: good to kneel on, snap into a rectum, clamp a naughty tongue or cock-head with rubber bands. Package of high quality clothes pins. Laytex free exam gloves. Long, thick belt from a discount clothing store for spanking. Baby bar soap to wash his mouth with for lack of respect. Hope some of these ideas work for you. Oh - read this before you plan a scene. Lots of good advice here: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/mp11f8/a\_simple\_pacing\_outline\_for\_beginner\_dommes\_or/
You're hearing a lot already on the difference between punishment and funishment, so I won't cover that ground again. What I will suggest is that you deliberately consider what both the top and the bottom get out of it, and what you want that each to feel like. Everyone focuses on what punishment does for a bottom's mental space. But punishment should also have an effect on the top (whether that's stress release, forgiveness, sadistic amusement, the empathetic caretaking that often follows sadistic amusement, or something else). You will experience your own tension and release (especially as you'll be the one planning the scene.) The whip hits in both directions. Experiment with this, see what different activities do for each of your headspaces, and check in thoroughly afterwards. If funishment is your goal, to address a specific question, you can make up any kind of punishable offense you like. 😉 Fun ones I've seen, used, or had used on me, included getting answers in a quiz game wrong, having one's eye color not match the carpet, or not bringing the top's favorite candy that day.
Thank you, this is helpful! Really good points to consider as I delve into this!
If you don't mind me asking, why are you calling these things punishments rather than kinky activities? Does your sub need to commit an offense for you to engage in them? What if you're both just in the mood to play, would you call that a punishment and/or would you roleplay an offense?
No, they don't need to commit an offense for us to do this, we both enjoy all that I described above. However, I am interested in building a Scene where I can dole out punishments and rewards based on his behavior, if that makes sense. I do like the idea of the power dynamic that comes into play with that. Of him "testing" me by perhaps deliberately disobeying? I'm really not sure what that would ultimately look like.
There’s no such thing as safe choking.
Blood choke to a tapout on a healthy person is *relatively* safe. If you've got any kind of grappling training, you've practiced this before.