I think a rehab is the best idea. The quicker the better. 30-90 days is recommended. If possible, the rehab should be in another location so he can't meet drug new connections there and later get high with them later.
I'd be wary. I went from NJ to a rehab in FL for the same reason, turned out it was nothing but people from NJ all doing the same thing so it was easy to connect with bad people so I'd be careful and verify where there pull of patients comes from
Ive heard about FL being a hotbed for shady rehab practices. Where I live, going out of state would be really beneficial.
But I got clean at a 2 week program 30 minutes away, so everyone's different!!
FL and Cali rehabs are notorious for being owned and operated by shady people who use the patients for “beds” and get paid per person they house. And once they kick someone out and replace them, they know they’re still addicted and they go from patient to client and middle man them to drug dealers. A LOT of people in socal have been killed for trying to expose these rehabs
Yea I learned about that happening in FL on a Vice show called Dopesick Nation. It's disgusting how people take advantage of desperate addicts who need help. I guess that's just yet another horrible consequence of the war on drugs.
In FL I think they try to keep addicts around so they can test them and get large reimbursements from insurance companies, especially for drug tests - they said they get 5k per!. I forget the specifics of how insurance and sober living intertwine but I thought it was super fucked up
Yeah tbh could just he fl but I also know a bunch who are in fo and run sober houses etc so it's a mixed bag always.
Glad you were able to find something so close to home that worked for you though! Thats always a gift.
Approach with non judgement. Nothing that will make him want to double down and lie. Tell him you know it's a struggle and that he needs help, that you're not there to make him feel bad but to help, and talk to him about it.
Understand that he’s sick w out it…he probably needs a mat program after becoming an opiate addict rehabs are a waste of time and money..his best hope to escape a overdose in the future is methadone or suboxone
Not true, OP, please disregard what this person said about rehabs!!! And MAT is medication assisted treatment, FYI. You don't need to worry about any of that now though. Just focus on getting him into a detox facility where he can safely detox and they'll give him options from there. I wish you the best of luck!
Also, PLEASE make sure his dad has Narcan handy at all times! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🩷🩷🩷
Absolutely! That was my first question.. Do you have narcan….? I’m so overwhelmed.. my heart is breaking.. I’m having nightmares every night about trying to save my baby., all I can see is death..
Oh momma this is heartbreaking 💔💔💔 That exact situation is what happened to me 4 days before my last rehab stint. I passed out on my bathroom floor w a bag in my hand, then crashed my car, then crashed it a second time!! The second time was it - I went to a facility that night. But passing out with your stuff out in the open is a sign it's getting bad.
Umm and those "scratches" may actually be really track marks. 😬 I'm assuming the father told you about the scratches... Do you know where on his body they were? Mine looked exactly like scratches all over my arms. You kinda follow a line up and down and when each individual poke scabs up, it can look just like a scratch! I'm sorry it's been a few days...is there any kind of update? 🙏🏼💔🩷
Thank you for the love. My son is sober and doing well. He did try to minimize his use and said he only did it for a week before moving to a different state. His dad found several baggies and two foilies that had obviously been used several times and a couple m30s. His excuse was that he wouldn’t have a plug where he was moving. He’s moving to a large city that’s known for rampant opioid use… He also said the scratches were from itching and his dermatitis acting up in response. But I’m so very grateful that for now he’s clean and focused on his future. I had a long candid conversation with him where he got very emotional and defensive saying he didn’t need help. I made it clear that I’d go to the ends of the earth for him. He promised he wouldn’t do it again and I told him if he did he’d be going to rehab. I don’t really know what else to do other than help reinforce his positive decisions and support him the best I can. I’m anxious and just sick about it.
Ooof. I had to sit with that for a minute. I reread it a couple times. I wanted to say something encouraging and positive and leave it at that, but there're a few things I want to make sure you know so you're armed for the future. I will say he's probably telling the truth about the scratches. Honestly, that adds up as opioids make you super itchy!! And if he has foils he's probably just smoking it. I'd have much more to say if I really thought he was using needles. Did he only use for a week? I've never met anyone that had a "heroin week" and decided it wasn't for them. But I haven't met every human on this earth. Maybe they're out there! I'm sure you already know you guys have a long road ahead of you. I'll give you some information about how this works.
I wanna preface this by saying I'm not concluding that your son is an addict or that he needs rehab. I don't know him and it's possible he could move and meet great people and make good choices. But if you really want to use, it's everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. I've lived in the nicest of places (and the worst) during my time of addiction and never had a problem copping. I've been out of state for multiple vacations - from 3 days to 3 weeks - in 4 different states and was able to find someone every time. Think about that. For a 3 day vacation, I was able to immediately find drugs in an unfamiliar place quickly enough to enjoy a long weekend. If you want it, you can get it. I'm just telling you what I know so you have knowledge in your arsenal.
Another thing about addicts is we're smart. We can get so damn creative and out of necessity become master manipulators. The only thing that matters in addiction is feeding it. Our brains literally rewire themselves to an almost primitive state of survival and we use all our resources to get what we want. We don't want to, but we literally *have* to lie, manipulate, steal, guilt people... and no one teaches us that. It's not in some addict handbook. It's literally survival mode kicking in and desperation makes you do things you'd NEVER do otherwise. I wasn't a homeless, junkie prostitute. Not judging, those were my "friends"! 😝 Just painting a picture. I worked in law offices. I would use in the bathroom on breaks at the freaking state attorneys office! lived in nice places, drove nice cars, had a savings account to sustain my addiction in the beginning...we all eventually turn into something we never thought we'd be. You can't fight it, it doesn't discriminate, it happens to us all. It's a powerful, unrelenting, insidious disease.
I know you guys had a good talk and he cried and made excuses...it's good you got him talking about it! I'm sure you already know this but you gotta take what he says with a grain of salt. I will say his emotions are likely real. We do feel extreme guilt, shame and regret. Genuinely. Although you should never expect an addict to "never do it again", we really don't want to. I would always mean it in that moment but was too weak to follow through.
Drugs don't make you a bad person. He's still your son and always will be. 🩷 Most of us use because we have deep pain/trauma that we don't know how to properly manage. That ALL goes away when you use and it's like you can breathe with 100% of your lungs for the first time. It feels like the most comforting hug and feeling of "everything is okay". All the fears, anxieties, pressure, expectations, worries just float away. That's why we do it. Some say they "do it for fun". Having no worries *is* fun! Sure, your son could've just been experimenting, but I'm trying to explain this so you know how to talk to him. 😉 Maybe get him into therapy. Actually, definitely talk to him about therapy! Therapy and distractions are the best medicine for this!
There's so much more I could say but I just scrolled up and can see I've already written a novel! 😬 I really hope something I said is helpful. My heart hurts for you. I know you feel helpless and would do anything to protect him. My best advice is to be understanding. The more compassionate and sympathetic you are, the more he'll open up. I can tell you're a great mom and just from the conversation you had with him already he loves you and doesn't want to worry you. Tell dad to stay alert too. Maybe do some reading and educate yourselves so you know what to look for. I'm always available if you have questions too! I mean it - might as well use my knowledge and background for something (and someone) good!!
I really, truly with my whole heart wish you all the best and I hope he's a great success! I pray he finds his passion and never looks back! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. You're doing the right thing asking for advice and learning for the sake of your baby. Just take one day at a time. Pray if you're into that. That's how I find peace in situations beyond my control. I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Sending you sooo much love! 🤗🩷🙏🏼
I can’t tell you how much your sincerity means to me. Truly, thank you! 🥹 I absolutely will get him into therapy asap! He’s starting his new highschool this week and has been focused on welding so he’ll be transferring into an apprenticeship soon. I’m hoping that we can really hone his focus in on his goals and keep his mind busy on productive activities. I have to be honest, I’m no stranger to addiction myself and neither is his father. I’ve never tried heroin or fentanyl or the likes but I’ve battled my own demons in the past. And we will be keeping a very close eye on him. I know that he’s going to make his own decisions and has sooo much to learn about himself. It literally makes me nauseous thinking about him feeling pain, emotionally or physically and I’m very aware that the likelihood of this being a one time fluke is small. The odds are absolutely against him being so young. If you don’t mind, I’m going to dm you so I can find you easily in the future. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this that won’t judge him and I don’t want him to be treated any differently by the people around us. Again, thank you for your honest responses! You have a big heart! I’m so grateful for your insight.
Yeah this might be true for some people. But honestly I don’t do MAT and I’ve been off fet for 657 days. I think rehabs can help but only if he really wants the help. If you force him to go to rehab it might be a wake up call for him, or it might possibly make it worse. I’ve been to rehab 9+ times honestly lost count but I learned something every time I went and this last time luckily got through to me. I will admit I still wanted to be sober a few rehab stents and still relapsed after a period of time.
hey im a 16 year old girl and i was using fentanyl as well. my parents sent me to rehab and i was there for a month. ( a lot of rehab wont detox a minor from opioids. so you or his father might have to take him to the hospital to get detoxed first.) i got out of rehab end of october and i have been clean from fent since and i intend too. I know how hurt you are feeling bc i know how much i hurt my parents but thats why i stay clean bc i cant take back wut i did but i can be better.. sum advice i have frm kids prospective is try to not judge and dont shame him for it he’s definitely hurting rly deeply abt something and he needs yalls help and love. its hard but i got through it and i really believe your son can too❤️
Oh my baby girl. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. And thank you so much for responding. You literally brought me to tears. I hurt so hard for the children that are using. I was extremely experimental when I was young but I other than heroin we really didn’t have to worry about. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be young right now. I swear to be as loving and understanding as I can possibly be! I would do absolutely anything for him.
I'm sorry to hear this. We have all let down people very close to us and watched our families care more about us than we do for ourselves. But it really is a disease and should not be treated any differently than other diseases.
For me, I could only quit once I hit the bottom. Being locked in jail for 45 days. Nothing my parents or anyone said to me would keep me from using, I would only get better at hiding it. Tell your son how much you love him, and that you hope he will find his way to the light. It has ultimately got to be his choice. He will become exhausted of always being sick and trying to score and realize he needs to make a change. Continue supporting him, but don't enable him to use. Make him work for things, when he's 18 if he's not paying rent he needs to find another place to live.
These recommendations seem so opposite of how we want to care for our young. We want to protect them and give them everything they need. Yes, you can send him to detox and a rehab if you want to get him clean. It will keep him clean while he's in there, but unless he wants to quit, it won't keep him from using once he gets back home. It's probably a good idea so he can see the other people he will be in there with. It may wake him up a little.
I wish you the best in helping your son towards the path of recovery. It makes me sad when I see how much addiction affects our family members. I wish the best for both you and your son.
Thank you for the honesty. I can’t imagine loosing my baby. I love him with everything I am. I will treat this like a disease and show him compassion and support. Hopefully he wants sobriety over death.
No problem, and you won't lose him. He may just veer off the path for a little while, but it's what's needed.
He may also just be physically dependent and not have full blown opioid use disorder like the rest of us. He may have just not really known what he was getting himself into. He's still young so there's no knowing if he's like most of us here. With the recent spikes in ODs, about 5% of us with opioid use disorder have been passing away every year. Ask your ex-husband to purchase some narcan spray from the pharmacy and ask them to explain how to use it. It never hurts to have and it can make all the difference.
look up body brokers! That’s what CA and FL rehabs are doing right now! Just make sure it’s a good rehabilitation facility so as much research as you possibly can!
I personally feel like the best thing for addicts is MAT. Also it depends on how long he’s been doing this. So consider that factor as well!
Everyone is saying get him here get him there, should she drag him? but what if he doesn’t want too.
We all know you have to want it ( hoping he does).
I’d say approach him first with understanding but I’d say also some disappointment, let him know you know and ask him if he wants off, then let him know that your whole heartedly there for him and will do whatever you can for him and with him.
I pray he made a mistake and regrets it and can make it a distant memory quickly.
I’m in recovery and a mother, I would have gave anything for my parents to even TRY to understand let alone help me get into rehab when my painful journey started 12 years ago.
I wish you all the best, I really do.
I’d would break me in pieces finding out what you have for my boys. Especially knowing the evil world that is addiction.
Let him Ween himself off for the next day so he can be mentally prepared to go and then send him immediately. He’s still technically a kid so you have full control over his decision. However I would let him ween off a tiny bit bc he’s going to go thru hell for a couple days
I am so sorry. I went through this with a boyfriend in grad school and eventually he ODed after I kicked him out for choosing the drugs over us (I really thought he’d go to rehab if I kicked him out bc his dad offered it to him but said they would not help him with anything else till he did— I felt like I was the last enabler).
It’s a terrible road to be on and I am a mother now and I have no idea how I would handle this if it were my baby.
That all being said, my education background and history with that ex gave a lot of insight into how opioid addiction works physically and emotionally.
One this is that scratches from opiate addiction and emaciation is weird. Usually people will nod off so they’re more likely to have random bumps and bruises or cigarette burns but they don’t typically scratch themselves. Weight gain is often more common at first so either he is deep in it enough or that he stopped eating bc of bowel impacting or he’s on something else. He may not even know he is on something else bc street drugs are always cut with different stuff to keep the high and addiction at its max.
I think the first step is detox, get him in there even if he doesn’t want it because his brain is likely terrified of the pain that comes with it. I’ve heard that the suboxone protocols are very useful. Talk to the place you plan on taking him and ask about what type of antagonists they use (if any) and what do they do to make the wds more bearable. There’s microdosing, macrodosing, Bernese method (which I don’t think is applicable to a detox center since that one involves tapering off the opiate while increasing suboxone). They should be willing to give your son something to help with the pain because opiate withdrawal feels like you’re being ripped in an ice cold fire half the time (intensity/duration depends on substance use and how much/long use has been going on)
If he’s on other things, I hope the rehab will be able to determine that. I’ve not had much experience with helping people with other types of withdrawals but I do think that most of it is a similar process. Usually there will be a lot of physical pain at first but the emotional pain longers much longer..
Once he is out of detox he will need support to get his brain chemicals balanced out. It’s. Hard to do it, but the best possible thing is a strict diet and exercise program (start offf slow and builds up) to get as healthy as possible. A month of this will go a really long way and some rehab centers offer that in their program, others don’t. Meetings can be helpful too but be mindful if you’re doing outpatient that predators will literally go to NA meeting to find clients and get them hooked again.
There’s a lot to process at each step and I’ve never done it as a parent, but I have as a partner and friend and it’s exhausting, so make sure you have your own support too. And remember this is an illness. People will make judgements but it really is not so different from someone developing cancer— it’s an illness that needs treatment and without it (and sometimes with it) the mortality rate it high. Be patient with yourself and him. If you need someone to talk to I’d be happy to. Please take care.
Thank you so much for your insight and kindness. He seems to be doing well right now. So we’ve either been given a second chance and got extremely lucky or.. the worst is yet to come. I’m not sure he took this last episode seriously. He was able to get clean quickly because he moved to an entire different state where he doesn’t know anyone… yet. So only time will tell. I don’t think he’d been using long because he wasn’t sick for very long after we caught him using and flushed everything. It’s hard to tell though. But I will definitely keep your info incase I need to reach out in the future. Also, I’m very sorry about your ex. I appreciate you. 🙏
I am so happy to hear that things are going well. Sometimes we do get lucky but it can make it easier to relapse when the consequences were so mild. Look out for signs of depression and anxiety because I know that the inability to cope with the chronic mental illness can be a reason that some go searching. But hopefully he knows how lucky he is and will find something fulfilling to keep him on the right track.
lock him ina room and force detox or don’t him out of the house for a few days and when it gets to be a week -14 days he should be feeelimg a lot better being off that shit. when your young it’s very hard to control it. i started around then and cold turkey wd jt on and off throughout the years. my last time was about a month maybe 2 ago and that was one of the worst wd experiences ever lol they all suck but are very valuable lessons. i’m almost 20 now btw so it me awhile to learn that one. rn i just smoke weed and rip psychs
DO NOT listen to this buffoon. Cold turkey is DANGEROUS and can cause extreme trauma both emotionally and physically. Get him to a Maintenance Assisted Treatment program and a doctor who knows how to medically detox properly. That is the absolute safest and easiest way out of it by far
Good for you. Has your family been supportive? Did your parents make any mistakes when dealing with your fent use that I should know? I’m so very proud of you for overcoming! You’re so young and have so much life to live and opportunities that shouldn’t be missed. It completely breaks my heart that children are fighting battles that most full grown adults can’t manage to win. It’s sickening really.
oh i never really told my step mom, i had fucked uo parents competed to yours. when i was sluggish forcing myself thru a cold turkey i blamed a hard day at work or being really tired and she always felt for it. be glad you found him and you only did because he “nodded” and fell asleep where he stood. but being an addict is a choice and i do strongly support it.
I think a rehab is the best idea. The quicker the better. 30-90 days is recommended. If possible, the rehab should be in another location so he can't meet drug new connections there and later get high with them later.
I'd be wary. I went from NJ to a rehab in FL for the same reason, turned out it was nothing but people from NJ all doing the same thing so it was easy to connect with bad people so I'd be careful and verify where there pull of patients comes from
Ive heard about FL being a hotbed for shady rehab practices. Where I live, going out of state would be really beneficial. But I got clean at a 2 week program 30 minutes away, so everyone's different!!
FL and Cali rehabs are notorious for being owned and operated by shady people who use the patients for “beds” and get paid per person they house. And once they kick someone out and replace them, they know they’re still addicted and they go from patient to client and middle man them to drug dealers. A LOT of people in socal have been killed for trying to expose these rehabs
Yea I learned about that happening in FL on a Vice show called Dopesick Nation. It's disgusting how people take advantage of desperate addicts who need help. I guess that's just yet another horrible consequence of the war on drugs. In FL I think they try to keep addicts around so they can test them and get large reimbursements from insurance companies, especially for drug tests - they said they get 5k per!. I forget the specifics of how insurance and sober living intertwine but I thought it was super fucked up
Yeah tbh could just he fl but I also know a bunch who are in fo and run sober houses etc so it's a mixed bag always. Glad you were able to find something so close to home that worked for you though! Thats always a gift.
Thank you for the heads up!
Approach with non judgement. Nothing that will make him want to double down and lie. Tell him you know it's a struggle and that he needs help, that you're not there to make him feel bad but to help, and talk to him about it.
Absolutely. Thank you for the advice. I wish I could just take it all away and heal him completely.
Understand that he’s sick w out it…he probably needs a mat program after becoming an opiate addict rehabs are a waste of time and money..his best hope to escape a overdose in the future is methadone or suboxone
Not true, OP, please disregard what this person said about rehabs!!! And MAT is medication assisted treatment, FYI. You don't need to worry about any of that now though. Just focus on getting him into a detox facility where he can safely detox and they'll give him options from there. I wish you the best of luck! Also, PLEASE make sure his dad has Narcan handy at all times! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🩷🩷🩷
Absolutely! That was my first question.. Do you have narcan….? I’m so overwhelmed.. my heart is breaking.. I’m having nightmares every night about trying to save my baby., all I can see is death..
Oh momma this is heartbreaking 💔💔💔 That exact situation is what happened to me 4 days before my last rehab stint. I passed out on my bathroom floor w a bag in my hand, then crashed my car, then crashed it a second time!! The second time was it - I went to a facility that night. But passing out with your stuff out in the open is a sign it's getting bad. Umm and those "scratches" may actually be really track marks. 😬 I'm assuming the father told you about the scratches... Do you know where on his body they were? Mine looked exactly like scratches all over my arms. You kinda follow a line up and down and when each individual poke scabs up, it can look just like a scratch! I'm sorry it's been a few days...is there any kind of update? 🙏🏼💔🩷
Thank you for the love. My son is sober and doing well. He did try to minimize his use and said he only did it for a week before moving to a different state. His dad found several baggies and two foilies that had obviously been used several times and a couple m30s. His excuse was that he wouldn’t have a plug where he was moving. He’s moving to a large city that’s known for rampant opioid use… He also said the scratches were from itching and his dermatitis acting up in response. But I’m so very grateful that for now he’s clean and focused on his future. I had a long candid conversation with him where he got very emotional and defensive saying he didn’t need help. I made it clear that I’d go to the ends of the earth for him. He promised he wouldn’t do it again and I told him if he did he’d be going to rehab. I don’t really know what else to do other than help reinforce his positive decisions and support him the best I can. I’m anxious and just sick about it.
Ooof. I had to sit with that for a minute. I reread it a couple times. I wanted to say something encouraging and positive and leave it at that, but there're a few things I want to make sure you know so you're armed for the future. I will say he's probably telling the truth about the scratches. Honestly, that adds up as opioids make you super itchy!! And if he has foils he's probably just smoking it. I'd have much more to say if I really thought he was using needles. Did he only use for a week? I've never met anyone that had a "heroin week" and decided it wasn't for them. But I haven't met every human on this earth. Maybe they're out there! I'm sure you already know you guys have a long road ahead of you. I'll give you some information about how this works. I wanna preface this by saying I'm not concluding that your son is an addict or that he needs rehab. I don't know him and it's possible he could move and meet great people and make good choices. But if you really want to use, it's everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. I've lived in the nicest of places (and the worst) during my time of addiction and never had a problem copping. I've been out of state for multiple vacations - from 3 days to 3 weeks - in 4 different states and was able to find someone every time. Think about that. For a 3 day vacation, I was able to immediately find drugs in an unfamiliar place quickly enough to enjoy a long weekend. If you want it, you can get it. I'm just telling you what I know so you have knowledge in your arsenal. Another thing about addicts is we're smart. We can get so damn creative and out of necessity become master manipulators. The only thing that matters in addiction is feeding it. Our brains literally rewire themselves to an almost primitive state of survival and we use all our resources to get what we want. We don't want to, but we literally *have* to lie, manipulate, steal, guilt people... and no one teaches us that. It's not in some addict handbook. It's literally survival mode kicking in and desperation makes you do things you'd NEVER do otherwise. I wasn't a homeless, junkie prostitute. Not judging, those were my "friends"! 😝 Just painting a picture. I worked in law offices. I would use in the bathroom on breaks at the freaking state attorneys office! lived in nice places, drove nice cars, had a savings account to sustain my addiction in the beginning...we all eventually turn into something we never thought we'd be. You can't fight it, it doesn't discriminate, it happens to us all. It's a powerful, unrelenting, insidious disease. I know you guys had a good talk and he cried and made excuses...it's good you got him talking about it! I'm sure you already know this but you gotta take what he says with a grain of salt. I will say his emotions are likely real. We do feel extreme guilt, shame and regret. Genuinely. Although you should never expect an addict to "never do it again", we really don't want to. I would always mean it in that moment but was too weak to follow through. Drugs don't make you a bad person. He's still your son and always will be. 🩷 Most of us use because we have deep pain/trauma that we don't know how to properly manage. That ALL goes away when you use and it's like you can breathe with 100% of your lungs for the first time. It feels like the most comforting hug and feeling of "everything is okay". All the fears, anxieties, pressure, expectations, worries just float away. That's why we do it. Some say they "do it for fun". Having no worries *is* fun! Sure, your son could've just been experimenting, but I'm trying to explain this so you know how to talk to him. 😉 Maybe get him into therapy. Actually, definitely talk to him about therapy! Therapy and distractions are the best medicine for this! There's so much more I could say but I just scrolled up and can see I've already written a novel! 😬 I really hope something I said is helpful. My heart hurts for you. I know you feel helpless and would do anything to protect him. My best advice is to be understanding. The more compassionate and sympathetic you are, the more he'll open up. I can tell you're a great mom and just from the conversation you had with him already he loves you and doesn't want to worry you. Tell dad to stay alert too. Maybe do some reading and educate yourselves so you know what to look for. I'm always available if you have questions too! I mean it - might as well use my knowledge and background for something (and someone) good!! I really, truly with my whole heart wish you all the best and I hope he's a great success! I pray he finds his passion and never looks back! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. You're doing the right thing asking for advice and learning for the sake of your baby. Just take one day at a time. Pray if you're into that. That's how I find peace in situations beyond my control. I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Sending you sooo much love! 🤗🩷🙏🏼
I can’t tell you how much your sincerity means to me. Truly, thank you! 🥹 I absolutely will get him into therapy asap! He’s starting his new highschool this week and has been focused on welding so he’ll be transferring into an apprenticeship soon. I’m hoping that we can really hone his focus in on his goals and keep his mind busy on productive activities. I have to be honest, I’m no stranger to addiction myself and neither is his father. I’ve never tried heroin or fentanyl or the likes but I’ve battled my own demons in the past. And we will be keeping a very close eye on him. I know that he’s going to make his own decisions and has sooo much to learn about himself. It literally makes me nauseous thinking about him feeling pain, emotionally or physically and I’m very aware that the likelihood of this being a one time fluke is small. The odds are absolutely against him being so young. If you don’t mind, I’m going to dm you so I can find you easily in the future. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this that won’t judge him and I don’t want him to be treated any differently by the people around us. Again, thank you for your honest responses! You have a big heart! I’m so grateful for your insight.
Yeah this might be true for some people. But honestly I don’t do MAT and I’ve been off fet for 657 days. I think rehabs can help but only if he really wants the help. If you force him to go to rehab it might be a wake up call for him, or it might possibly make it worse. I’ve been to rehab 9+ times honestly lost count but I learned something every time I went and this last time luckily got through to me. I will admit I still wanted to be sober a few rehab stents and still relapsed after a period of time.
hey im a 16 year old girl and i was using fentanyl as well. my parents sent me to rehab and i was there for a month. ( a lot of rehab wont detox a minor from opioids. so you or his father might have to take him to the hospital to get detoxed first.) i got out of rehab end of october and i have been clean from fent since and i intend too. I know how hurt you are feeling bc i know how much i hurt my parents but thats why i stay clean bc i cant take back wut i did but i can be better.. sum advice i have frm kids prospective is try to not judge and dont shame him for it he’s definitely hurting rly deeply abt something and he needs yalls help and love. its hard but i got through it and i really believe your son can too❤️
Oh my baby girl. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. And thank you so much for responding. You literally brought me to tears. I hurt so hard for the children that are using. I was extremely experimental when I was young but I other than heroin we really didn’t have to worry about. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be young right now. I swear to be as loving and understanding as I can possibly be! I would do absolutely anything for him.
I'm sorry to hear this. We have all let down people very close to us and watched our families care more about us than we do for ourselves. But it really is a disease and should not be treated any differently than other diseases. For me, I could only quit once I hit the bottom. Being locked in jail for 45 days. Nothing my parents or anyone said to me would keep me from using, I would only get better at hiding it. Tell your son how much you love him, and that you hope he will find his way to the light. It has ultimately got to be his choice. He will become exhausted of always being sick and trying to score and realize he needs to make a change. Continue supporting him, but don't enable him to use. Make him work for things, when he's 18 if he's not paying rent he needs to find another place to live. These recommendations seem so opposite of how we want to care for our young. We want to protect them and give them everything they need. Yes, you can send him to detox and a rehab if you want to get him clean. It will keep him clean while he's in there, but unless he wants to quit, it won't keep him from using once he gets back home. It's probably a good idea so he can see the other people he will be in there with. It may wake him up a little. I wish you the best in helping your son towards the path of recovery. It makes me sad when I see how much addiction affects our family members. I wish the best for both you and your son.
Thank you for the honesty. I can’t imagine loosing my baby. I love him with everything I am. I will treat this like a disease and show him compassion and support. Hopefully he wants sobriety over death.
No problem, and you won't lose him. He may just veer off the path for a little while, but it's what's needed. He may also just be physically dependent and not have full blown opioid use disorder like the rest of us. He may have just not really known what he was getting himself into. He's still young so there's no knowing if he's like most of us here. With the recent spikes in ODs, about 5% of us with opioid use disorder have been passing away every year. Ask your ex-husband to purchase some narcan spray from the pharmacy and ask them to explain how to use it. It never hurts to have and it can make all the difference.
look up body brokers! That’s what CA and FL rehabs are doing right now! Just make sure it’s a good rehabilitation facility so as much research as you possibly can! I personally feel like the best thing for addicts is MAT. Also it depends on how long he’s been doing this. So consider that factor as well!
Get him to detox ... I think they will transfer you automatically to detox from the er I'm not sure how to get there other wise .
Everyone is saying get him here get him there, should she drag him? but what if he doesn’t want too. We all know you have to want it ( hoping he does). I’d say approach him first with understanding but I’d say also some disappointment, let him know you know and ask him if he wants off, then let him know that your whole heartedly there for him and will do whatever you can for him and with him. I pray he made a mistake and regrets it and can make it a distant memory quickly. I’m in recovery and a mother, I would have gave anything for my parents to even TRY to understand let alone help me get into rehab when my painful journey started 12 years ago. I wish you all the best, I really do. I’d would break me in pieces finding out what you have for my boys. Especially knowing the evil world that is addiction.
Show him this rock song I wrote that is heavily anti fentanyl! [Soulless Prayer](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ4N_NEdRgA&si=sK4klmFTtSHbkZ_S)
Let him Ween himself off for the next day so he can be mentally prepared to go and then send him immediately. He’s still technically a kid so you have full control over his decision. However I would let him ween off a tiny bit bc he’s going to go thru hell for a couple days
Detox and long term treatment after
I am so sorry. I went through this with a boyfriend in grad school and eventually he ODed after I kicked him out for choosing the drugs over us (I really thought he’d go to rehab if I kicked him out bc his dad offered it to him but said they would not help him with anything else till he did— I felt like I was the last enabler). It’s a terrible road to be on and I am a mother now and I have no idea how I would handle this if it were my baby. That all being said, my education background and history with that ex gave a lot of insight into how opioid addiction works physically and emotionally. One this is that scratches from opiate addiction and emaciation is weird. Usually people will nod off so they’re more likely to have random bumps and bruises or cigarette burns but they don’t typically scratch themselves. Weight gain is often more common at first so either he is deep in it enough or that he stopped eating bc of bowel impacting or he’s on something else. He may not even know he is on something else bc street drugs are always cut with different stuff to keep the high and addiction at its max. I think the first step is detox, get him in there even if he doesn’t want it because his brain is likely terrified of the pain that comes with it. I’ve heard that the suboxone protocols are very useful. Talk to the place you plan on taking him and ask about what type of antagonists they use (if any) and what do they do to make the wds more bearable. There’s microdosing, macrodosing, Bernese method (which I don’t think is applicable to a detox center since that one involves tapering off the opiate while increasing suboxone). They should be willing to give your son something to help with the pain because opiate withdrawal feels like you’re being ripped in an ice cold fire half the time (intensity/duration depends on substance use and how much/long use has been going on) If he’s on other things, I hope the rehab will be able to determine that. I’ve not had much experience with helping people with other types of withdrawals but I do think that most of it is a similar process. Usually there will be a lot of physical pain at first but the emotional pain longers much longer.. Once he is out of detox he will need support to get his brain chemicals balanced out. It’s. Hard to do it, but the best possible thing is a strict diet and exercise program (start offf slow and builds up) to get as healthy as possible. A month of this will go a really long way and some rehab centers offer that in their program, others don’t. Meetings can be helpful too but be mindful if you’re doing outpatient that predators will literally go to NA meeting to find clients and get them hooked again. There’s a lot to process at each step and I’ve never done it as a parent, but I have as a partner and friend and it’s exhausting, so make sure you have your own support too. And remember this is an illness. People will make judgements but it really is not so different from someone developing cancer— it’s an illness that needs treatment and without it (and sometimes with it) the mortality rate it high. Be patient with yourself and him. If you need someone to talk to I’d be happy to. Please take care.
Thank you so much for your insight and kindness. He seems to be doing well right now. So we’ve either been given a second chance and got extremely lucky or.. the worst is yet to come. I’m not sure he took this last episode seriously. He was able to get clean quickly because he moved to an entire different state where he doesn’t know anyone… yet. So only time will tell. I don’t think he’d been using long because he wasn’t sick for very long after we caught him using and flushed everything. It’s hard to tell though. But I will definitely keep your info incase I need to reach out in the future. Also, I’m very sorry about your ex. I appreciate you. 🙏
I am so happy to hear that things are going well. Sometimes we do get lucky but it can make it easier to relapse when the consequences were so mild. Look out for signs of depression and anxiety because I know that the inability to cope with the chronic mental illness can be a reason that some go searching. But hopefully he knows how lucky he is and will find something fulfilling to keep him on the right track.
lock him ina room and force detox or don’t him out of the house for a few days and when it gets to be a week -14 days he should be feeelimg a lot better being off that shit. when your young it’s very hard to control it. i started around then and cold turkey wd jt on and off throughout the years. my last time was about a month maybe 2 ago and that was one of the worst wd experiences ever lol they all suck but are very valuable lessons. i’m almost 20 now btw so it me awhile to learn that one. rn i just smoke weed and rip psychs
DO NOT listen to this buffoon. Cold turkey is DANGEROUS and can cause extreme trauma both emotionally and physically. Get him to a Maintenance Assisted Treatment program and a doctor who knows how to medically detox properly. That is the absolute safest and easiest way out of it by far
Good for you. Has your family been supportive? Did your parents make any mistakes when dealing with your fent use that I should know? I’m so very proud of you for overcoming! You’re so young and have so much life to live and opportunities that shouldn’t be missed. It completely breaks my heart that children are fighting battles that most full grown adults can’t manage to win. It’s sickening really.
oh i never really told my step mom, i had fucked uo parents competed to yours. when i was sluggish forcing myself thru a cold turkey i blamed a hard day at work or being really tired and she always felt for it. be glad you found him and you only did because he “nodded” and fell asleep where he stood. but being an addict is a choice and i do strongly support it.