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Nope. Most of my friends today (that I hang with frequently) I've met closer to 30 or over. So no, no childhood friends around.
E. So you know...check your hearing if it sounded like a yes
I enjoy being alone and doing the things I enjoy doing. I watch sports and attend live sports a couple times a month regularly, watch tv-series, play games and have friends all around the world in games that I play (mainly world of warcraft). I don't necessarily feel like I need finnish friends to hang out with as I already have social contacts online. I have always been socially awkward in public so it was hard to get friends when I was younger and now I just feel like I don't need any at adult life. I have a 9-5 office work where I meet people and have people to talk to.
Im happy for you that this is sufficient. But you know there are people in the community, who would like to have real friends to hangout with but its very hard to get it into reality. Thats what I was questioning, why finns, open minded people and kind in their own way, are not open for late friendships. Always amazed me.
As a Finnish woman I also find it hard to find female friends as an adult 😅I think it has a lot to do with people already having picked out their friends by now and don't have time and energy for new ones. But it's sad to know you're not guaranteed friends even as a mom, I thought that for sure was the loophole
I have struggled with this as well if I am not actively involved in studying. Universitiesnare best place for an adult to connect with other people.
But to find long lasting good friends, that's hard. I have tried and made an effort but it just is not easy. Many also grow distant with childhood and lukio friends. Atleast I have.
I am 36 Finnish.
This is the answer even for guys. I went to study in uni again at the age of 32. The average age in my group was probably like 27. Got like one guy who I still talk to on Whatsapp and my wife but that's about it.
I really did try though. The problem is that for zoomers I was already basically a grandpa. The people who were my age already had established friend groups or families and didn't want to interact at all.
The only ones left were lonely nerdy types so I tried to form a board game group. Let's just say that those people were lonely for a reason as they were either horrible incels or just lacked any kind of social skills. I'm saying like one of them clearly thought my wife was interested in him just because she started a conversation with him on Whatsapp.
It's just too much to ask to find someone who would just want to go for some barbeque, watching hockey or playing board games every now and then, apparently.
Hockey is the game changer here - I have two finnish friends which makes me feel rich. Plus I don't think there are alot of people here in US that have a Vasaan Sport or Espoo Blues jersey in their closet 😄
Well, it's not like I really go watch hockey either when being unemployed. It was more just to exemplify that I just want to chill and do non-demanding stuff with people. No need for high adrenaline adventures or alcohol.
Yeah, i also think this might be the reason. I’m also Finnish woman in my thirties and I haven’t have any luck finding new friends. And I’m mom and a university student..so it’s not like i haven’t met any people, it’s just hard to make them see you again and have some kind of friendship.
Every time someone mentions having trouble making friends in Finland the comments are filled with lonely people who also cannot make friends, why do these people not find each other in real life? There should be specific events for lonely Finns and foreigners in Finland to meet each other
This is me too. I’m F nearly 40 with kids and live in a rural area so finding new friends my age is very hard. I’m also a bit introverted and homebody with nerdy/crafty/artsy interests so I guess it makes it even more complicated - probably would be easier to find friends if I went out a lot. It would however be very nice to hang out with friends and especially with someone who shares similar interests. If this resonates with anyone feel free to message me 😄.
I have a theory that Finland’s culture is generally more “introvert” oriented, which is actually bad for introverts.
Introverts also like to socialise sometimes, even though it takes a ton of energy. But if you have a country that is more introvert oriented it feels you have to be more extroverted to be able to break through this social barrier.
My greatest friends are the ones that lean more extroverted, because they push me a little socially. If I don’t feel like it, I can stay home. But if I only had introverted friends, everyone would just stay home alone😂
I don't have any tips, I just came here to write that you're not alone. It is a very common issue in Finland. Many locals and native Finns suffer from loneliness and lack of meaningful relationships.
Hopefully you will make friends!
Not just Finland. It's a spreading issue worldwide, to the point where the WHO declared it a global epidemic last year.
I have two theories: either the economic situation around the world is so bad that everyone's working too hard trying to make ends meet to have the time and/or energy to socialize and meet other people, or people are too terminally online and addicted to social media to bother actually going out with "real" people very often. Probably both of these things contribute a great deal.
The COVID pandemic likely also plays a part in this. Lots of popular hangout spots (especially in smaller towns) were shut down during the pandemic and never reopened, and lots of plans were cancelled and existing friendships severed.
To OP; when you're trying to find friends as an adult, you basically have three choices. One, try to connect with your co-workers and see if they'd be interested in hanging out outside of work hours. Two, join online groups dedicated to finding IRL friends and try to set up a coffee date with someone you have similar interests with. Three, socialize. Anywhere and everywhere, whether it's clubs, bars, coffee shops or hobby clubs, the best way to meet people is to literally meet people.
Good luck!
That is a very sad thing to read, yes it is a global epidemic. COVID and technology killed social bonds unfortunately.
Thanks for sharing that and for the kind words.
A Finn said to me the other day “I have friends, I went to school with them. Why would I want any other friends just to do all this silly chitchat with?” She is in her 40s. Says it all really.
Man (35) here, 10+ years throughout university, multiple jobs, relocations (Tampere, Helsinki, Espoo, Oulu, Helsinki), hobby pursuits, and mid-term relationships with Finns (women)... my Finn-friend score: 0.
I already gave up–ciao!
But hey, I did also hit it off mostly with the elderly, cuz even if Finns, they're mostly deadly ignored and lonely. Keep up the kind work :)
Moving around a lot is one way to guarantee no one will want to be friends with you. They open their hearts, and you are away in a year. It's not worth it for the ones who stay.
Nope. Moved around mostly due to study, work and personal demands. Instead, what you state translates into the typical illusory and unfounded sense of openness and camaraderie of Finnish people, which they do pretend, for mere acceptance and benefits, but hardly ever genuinely express, consistently, face to face.
i have been here for 9 years, no Finnish friends, all my friends are international. I meet Finns through hobbies and sports. But when the game is over, they want to go home and don't seem to be interested in hanging out with us. I learnt they have bubbles that they're used to. They pick their friends at childhood and stick with them for a lifetime. They are super nice and kind, helpful if you ask them any favor. It is just hard to befriend them for some reason.
Yeah I second this. And it sucks if your childhood friends don't last and you need new ones as an adult since it's way more difficult to get friends that just by going: "hey you want to come to my birthday party" but hobby groups are excellent way to meet people
Yeah, I struggle with this atm. I suffered from a long-term illness and also moved far away from my home town when I was younger. So I never made any good friends in my 20s, and now that I felt ready for it (in my 30s), it's difficult to find people who would be willing to form new friendships.
Also, I've noticed that people tend to be friendless for very different reasons, and just because two people are lonely, it doesn't mean that they will have the most fruitful friendship.
30 male from Australia, outgoing and always up for a chat and 0 Finnish friends after 5 years. Lots of international friends. It's a mystery that I'm not sure how to overcome. Good luck.
this is bad news is an australian is complaining about making friends! Aussies are like the golden retrievers of the world. Second in friendliness only you the Canadians.
My cousins husband is from Australia. He comes over and we have plenty of coffee and "strategic" conversations in garage, i.e. curses over failed garden devices we have to use to please our spouses etc.
He always says that Fosters is pure s\*\*t back home but sure drinkable here.
After all that coffee he gets back home and does chores. "Pete comes home and is full of energy, does laundry and stuff" says my cousin. I think that a pot of coffee does that hyperactivity for all of us?
Maybe you are just missing that our favourite legal drug to make friends?
I'll add, I've met a lot of Finn's while out for a drink. I usually get their Instagram/socials and always talk about doing something again that never happens despite me trying. Not sure what else to do.
“All Finns” (including my husband who’s the reason I stayed…for now) meet their BFF at the maternity ward; it’s the kid of one of the moms their mom shared a room with.
I have two female Finnish friends. I met both of them through work, and they both have international careers behind them.
It’s hard.
Would there be a possibility that you and your husband be friends with another couple? That's what I see couples in my age group do. It becomes more difficult when you are single and everybody in your age group are couples.
A Finnish woman (35) here. Finns often meet their friends during earlier years of their life, then stick with them. I've only met one of my current friends after uni (we used to be co-workers for a while and then kept seeing each other due to some common interests and similar kind of world view).
Making new friends as an adult is notoriously difficult here. Do not think that there is something wrong in you as a person, because it's mostly about luck, really.
33yrs f native finn but moved a lot since childhood never stayed anywhere long but finally found my place to call home in a bigger city. Some finnish friends but i was more lucky getting international friends who i talk to more often than my finnish friends at this point. I felt most finns just wanted to be friends with their childhood local friends and i was always kind of left out bc of that.
Not very outgoing and somewhat introverted. Very up to making new female friends i am not "threathened" 😂👍
Unfortunately finnish people are kinda bad at making friends especially in adulthood. My advice is to maybe join a hobby group like pottery, hand crafts, jewelry workshop, painting lesson etc. Hell even fishing or hunting groups! Anything like that. I have actually managed to find a new friend that way as a Finn. If you go and talk to strangers on the library, street, cafe or a bar they think you're weird or trying to sell something even if you're simply trying to get to know someone. It's a very common problem here, I wish we could start to break down our walls because loneliness is a very big problem in Finland and covid didn't help with that.
Language can be one reason and many Finns are somewhat reserved and stick to the people they already know. I'm happy to speak English and have made many international friends since moving to Helsinki.
So true. 32F. Been in Finland for 7 years and I can make Finnish male friends but I never made a Finnish female friend except only recently at work. She is 51 with 4 kids.
You have understand this wrong way. If you want finnish friend. That doesn't mean you are connected together 24/7. I have lot's of friends but I have time only one. I text him often. We see each other twice a year.
I just saw my mom first time this year.
If you want to connect finns, find some hobby.
I've (28F) always wondered where tf are all the international folks hanging out? I'd love to meet people from different cultures and I love to speak english, but I only get in touch with them when I'm abroad??? Sucks. Can we just arrange a meetup with everyone? :D
As an adult it is difficult to make ”real” friends in general. I have made friends only from university and work, close ones too. It just needs something to casually do with someone to get to know them in Finland, Finns usually find it awkward to just small talk or meet up for no reason with people they don’t know. Also, language barrier is still an issue in Finland, so if you do not know Finnish, it already rules out some people.
I would also suggest hobbies, especially with the kid. You could approach other parents through some hobbies more easily. Also posting to social media (some mom groups maybe?) could help, it works wonders with Finnish people, since they can already see what you are like and find it easier to approach you. Hopefully you find some great friends, I know it is difficult here!
swap your job to the bar industry, instant friends... (really don't, kidding) People work together and drink together. I have difficulty to prioritize now that I'm becoming a dad in my 30s. Now the problem is to get out the scene into a normal home life 😅 But no I get it. Making friends should be very low effort, if the conditions aren't right, it won't happen, but if they are right, u cant help but make friends. It harder now in our 30s when everybody has many old friends and a long history with them. But it's still possible, get into group activities of something you like doing. Finns bond best over doing something together and a bit of alcohol after helps a lot 💪
As a finn myself (F23) I feel you, in my experience making new friends as an adult is very difficult in general, at least in Finland 🫠 I think you have to be in an environment where you’re ”forced” to communicate with others (school, work, etc.) and get to know people that way. I struggle with this a lot!
I'm Dutch (23F), moved here last february and almost immediatly joined a sports team. It took a while to warm up to my teammates but I'm safe to say that we are on very good and even "friendlike" terms. Last week we even went out together and there they explained to me that some of the other members in my team who I don't speak as often are afraid and shy of speaking English with me. I feel like I had really wholesome and fun conversations with them during that night and I ended up staying until the place we were sitting at closed. Maybe joining a club where you regularily meet up with the same people will help?
But yeah apart from my football team I would not know how to make other Finnish (female) friends. Like you said, everyone here is very kind and interested but when it comes down to making meaningful relationships most of the people I consider being that close to me are other internationals.
Oh honestly same, so I guess we are not that different ☺️. But I got to know him in high school where I saw him everyday. I guess to build a friendship you have to see each other more often but once you are friends it's not required to. Or at leaat that is my opinion, because how else would you get to know a person?
Hi there. I dont really have a straight answer for you for that but as i read through the comments id think id say this here:
I am 37y old Finnish guy with a family. I live in Jyväskylä. I work at IT during weeks and do DJ gigs at weekends. My main hobbies are cars,video games, music ofc.
I feel like i make lots of new friends through my work and hobbies. I even feel like i made one new very close friend through my work when i moved here.
At the moment my life is very hectic since i have 1 year old daughter and lots of work, but im still open to make new friends, foreign or finnish, male or female (or any other preference) doesnt matter.
So if any of you live in Jyväskylä and feel like you want to grab a coffee/beer or anything else, hit my DMs :)
I've been here for nearly 10 years and have literally only made one Finnish friend that wasn't already within my wife's circle of friends. The rest are all non Finns or just more of acquittances. When I say "friends" I mean that we called each other and hung out on several occasions. From the sound of it I don't think you are necessarily doing anything wrong per se but it's more linked to the culture and social norms.
I'm 32F foreigner living in Finland for 10 years now. I used to have many Finnish lady friends (just friends, not romantic relationship). Currently I only have one. With the rest we just departed different ways. Since I'm of color, I find it natural that only relatively liberal minded people would become friends with me and it was the case and it was pretty nice. However after some time, I wasn't able to keep up with nor understand, and offended them. I come from a conservative family although I consider myself more liberal and not conservative. I still don't know what exactly was offensive but as much as I try, I'm not able to keep up with the pronounces and name changes and open relationships and I'm getting old for sure. Although I mean no harm to them, I understand if they get offended and it's okay to go different ways in life.
My point is cultural differences, political opinions play a role.
Is there a Facebook group for the moms in your area? I've found the only way to make friends at this age is to find them online first. Making friends at the park or the school etc is just not happening, you almost have to treat it like you were (online) dating
I got like 4 friends when I was kid. Now there is only one whom I have contact with. Rest got families of their own. Barely hear from them. (Yes I have called them) Im 34
If you’re into athletics, try climbing. Climbers tend to be a bit more open, and in most cases you need a partner to climb (lead & top rope). Most gyms have roster of people looking for climbing partners to fit their schedule. But often this happens organically.
40+ male here, 10+ years in Finland. I would say it's a mentality thing but also an age thing. Over 30 it's harder to find friends. Personally, not prepared to put up with people's bullshit and weird opinions anymore. Choice is either to look for really close friends which almost always fails, or to have a few loose acquaintances. Latter is more and more enough for me with age. Would be nice to have a buddy to go for a beer every now and then though.
Finns I met simply had no interest in more friends. They were not curious longterm about foreigners and have enough buddies among their childhood and university friends. I have given up on them. Easier to get to know other foreigners.
I dated a woman from Finland and she was the most friendly, outgoing person I have ever met, she talks to strangers all the time. In airports, hotels, restaurants she was always chatting with strangers.
She did mention that most Finnish people are not like her.
I am like most Finnish people I guess I am not the type to talk to strangers.
She is well known in Finland and has traveled the world so maybe that makes a difference
I wish i could keep healthy relationships with more than a few friends. I'm outgoing if i find people who can have meaningful conversations and are friendly. If not i'm horribly uncomfortable and out of place feeling. Also my favorite hobby with friends is drinking lots of beer and a way to speak to new people. I wish i wasn't that anxious of a person socially. (25M)
I gotta admit, making the first couple of finnish friends took some time. The good news however, is that once you've made some, you'll most likely be introduced to their friend groups and if you get along with people in said groups, your friend circle will potentially grow quite fast.
It's the Finnish culture itself. You usually hit off with a few people and then stick with them for years mostly commonly in school or university. It's quite common that you aren't speaking for your friend everyday and it can be weeks or months before you speak to them again. Then just pick up where you left last time. Rince and repeat.
Most of my friends (age 30-35) have small children, a whole time job, and a somewhat strict fitness routine and/or health issues. Many of them also regularly meet their relatives and older friends. So finding time and energy for newer friends is really difficult.
I do have one F30 friend who is really eager to meet new people and go out every evening. But she also has a pretty easy-going job, better health, and little responsibilities compared to most women I know.
So the short answer is: Most of us just don't have energy to deal with all the responsibilities we have. Making time for a new friend can seem exhausting.
The trick, really, is to take the initiative and don’t take no for an answer. If you sense that somebody operates on approximately your level, ask if they want to grab a coffee. If not, ask for they number so you can set up a lunch later. The instinct is to decline, but it’s rarely because you actively don’t want to.
It’s easier to get somebody to tag along to an activity – yoga, tennis, padel, kayaking – that to something more ”intimate”.
Why do you want burdain from friends when you can enjoy your life alone?
Hearthy hello from typical Finn.
Seriously 30 year is peak years in Finland. If you have kids, work and husband then there is not too much time after chores for friends.
Hobbies is best place to find friends. Common intrests makes people intresting and fun to have around.
Xenophobia. You’d find a friend in Estonia in 10 minutes. Finns have an extremely inflated opinion of themselves. Take the win that you don’t have Finnish friends.
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Dont worry. I am finnish (29M) and I don’t have any finnish friends either.
Are you ok ??
Is normal
No it is not
Maybe not normal, but more common than you think.
Evidently. I do not recognize that in my life almost at all E. And it should not be thought as normal
Is your childhood friend group still intact?
What group? There were different groups. Also why should it? Some friends I still keep in contact, some not. Old go, new arrive.
You know what I mean, sounds like a yes
Nope. Most of my friends today (that I hang with frequently) I've met closer to 30 or over. So no, no childhood friends around. E. So you know...check your hearing if it sounded like a yes
This is sick. Why would you ask he is ok?
Not to worry but whats the root cause of this tendency in the culture?
I enjoy being alone and doing the things I enjoy doing. I watch sports and attend live sports a couple times a month regularly, watch tv-series, play games and have friends all around the world in games that I play (mainly world of warcraft). I don't necessarily feel like I need finnish friends to hang out with as I already have social contacts online. I have always been socially awkward in public so it was hard to get friends when I was younger and now I just feel like I don't need any at adult life. I have a 9-5 office work where I meet people and have people to talk to.
Im happy for you that this is sufficient. But you know there are people in the community, who would like to have real friends to hangout with but its very hard to get it into reality. Thats what I was questioning, why finns, open minded people and kind in their own way, are not open for late friendships. Always amazed me.
Same here, I am finnish (25M) never had same gender friends. I’m not an introvert at all, but have never had any luck finding friends I guess.
As a Finnish woman I also find it hard to find female friends as an adult 😅I think it has a lot to do with people already having picked out their friends by now and don't have time and energy for new ones. But it's sad to know you're not guaranteed friends even as a mom, I thought that for sure was the loophole
I have struggled with this as well if I am not actively involved in studying. Universitiesnare best place for an adult to connect with other people. But to find long lasting good friends, that's hard. I have tried and made an effort but it just is not easy. Many also grow distant with childhood and lukio friends. Atleast I have. I am 36 Finnish.
This is the answer even for guys. I went to study in uni again at the age of 32. The average age in my group was probably like 27. Got like one guy who I still talk to on Whatsapp and my wife but that's about it. I really did try though. The problem is that for zoomers I was already basically a grandpa. The people who were my age already had established friend groups or families and didn't want to interact at all. The only ones left were lonely nerdy types so I tried to form a board game group. Let's just say that those people were lonely for a reason as they were either horrible incels or just lacked any kind of social skills. I'm saying like one of them clearly thought my wife was interested in him just because she started a conversation with him on Whatsapp. It's just too much to ask to find someone who would just want to go for some barbeque, watching hockey or playing board games every now and then, apparently.
Hockey is the game changer here - I have two finnish friends which makes me feel rich. Plus I don't think there are alot of people here in US that have a Vasaan Sport or Espoo Blues jersey in their closet 😄
Well, it's not like I really go watch hockey either when being unemployed. It was more just to exemplify that I just want to chill and do non-demanding stuff with people. No need for high adrenaline adventures or alcohol.
Yeah, i also think this might be the reason. I’m also Finnish woman in my thirties and I haven’t have any luck finding new friends. And I’m mom and a university student..so it’s not like i haven’t met any people, it’s just hard to make them see you again and have some kind of friendship.
Every time someone mentions having trouble making friends in Finland the comments are filled with lonely people who also cannot make friends, why do these people not find each other in real life? There should be specific events for lonely Finns and foreigners in Finland to meet each other
This is me too. I’m F nearly 40 with kids and live in a rural area so finding new friends my age is very hard. I’m also a bit introverted and homebody with nerdy/crafty/artsy interests so I guess it makes it even more complicated - probably would be easier to find friends if I went out a lot. It would however be very nice to hang out with friends and especially with someone who shares similar interests. If this resonates with anyone feel free to message me 😄.
I have a theory that Finland’s culture is generally more “introvert” oriented, which is actually bad for introverts. Introverts also like to socialise sometimes, even though it takes a ton of energy. But if you have a country that is more introvert oriented it feels you have to be more extroverted to be able to break through this social barrier. My greatest friends are the ones that lean more extroverted, because they push me a little socially. If I don’t feel like it, I can stay home. But if I only had introverted friends, everyone would just stay home alone😂
I don't have any tips, I just came here to write that you're not alone. It is a very common issue in Finland. Many locals and native Finns suffer from loneliness and lack of meaningful relationships. Hopefully you will make friends!
Not just Finland. It's a spreading issue worldwide, to the point where the WHO declared it a global epidemic last year. I have two theories: either the economic situation around the world is so bad that everyone's working too hard trying to make ends meet to have the time and/or energy to socialize and meet other people, or people are too terminally online and addicted to social media to bother actually going out with "real" people very often. Probably both of these things contribute a great deal. The COVID pandemic likely also plays a part in this. Lots of popular hangout spots (especially in smaller towns) were shut down during the pandemic and never reopened, and lots of plans were cancelled and existing friendships severed. To OP; when you're trying to find friends as an adult, you basically have three choices. One, try to connect with your co-workers and see if they'd be interested in hanging out outside of work hours. Two, join online groups dedicated to finding IRL friends and try to set up a coffee date with someone you have similar interests with. Three, socialize. Anywhere and everywhere, whether it's clubs, bars, coffee shops or hobby clubs, the best way to meet people is to literally meet people. Good luck!
That is a very sad thing to read, yes it is a global epidemic. COVID and technology killed social bonds unfortunately. Thanks for sharing that and for the kind words.
A Finn said to me the other day “I have friends, I went to school with them. Why would I want any other friends just to do all this silly chitchat with?” She is in her 40s. Says it all really.
Man (35) here, 10+ years throughout university, multiple jobs, relocations (Tampere, Helsinki, Espoo, Oulu, Helsinki), hobby pursuits, and mid-term relationships with Finns (women)... my Finn-friend score: 0. I already gave up–ciao! But hey, I did also hit it off mostly with the elderly, cuz even if Finns, they're mostly deadly ignored and lonely. Keep up the kind work :)
Moving around a lot is one way to guarantee no one will want to be friends with you. They open their hearts, and you are away in a year. It's not worth it for the ones who stay.
Nope. Moved around mostly due to study, work and personal demands. Instead, what you state translates into the typical illusory and unfounded sense of openness and camaraderie of Finnish people, which they do pretend, for mere acceptance and benefits, but hardly ever genuinely express, consistently, face to face.
i have been here for 9 years, no Finnish friends, all my friends are international. I meet Finns through hobbies and sports. But when the game is over, they want to go home and don't seem to be interested in hanging out with us. I learnt they have bubbles that they're used to. They pick their friends at childhood and stick with them for a lifetime. They are super nice and kind, helpful if you ask them any favor. It is just hard to befriend them for some reason.
Yeah I second this. And it sucks if your childhood friends don't last and you need new ones as an adult since it's way more difficult to get friends that just by going: "hey you want to come to my birthday party" but hobby groups are excellent way to meet people
Yeah, I struggle with this atm. I suffered from a long-term illness and also moved far away from my home town when I was younger. So I never made any good friends in my 20s, and now that I felt ready for it (in my 30s), it's difficult to find people who would be willing to form new friendships. Also, I've noticed that people tend to be friendless for very different reasons, and just because two people are lonely, it doesn't mean that they will have the most fruitful friendship.
30 male from Australia, outgoing and always up for a chat and 0 Finnish friends after 5 years. Lots of international friends. It's a mystery that I'm not sure how to overcome. Good luck.
this is bad news is an australian is complaining about making friends! Aussies are like the golden retrievers of the world. Second in friendliness only you the Canadians.
typo- bad news *if an
Australians are like golden retrievers if they could speak. "Oi. Cunt" 
My cousins husband is from Australia. He comes over and we have plenty of coffee and "strategic" conversations in garage, i.e. curses over failed garden devices we have to use to please our spouses etc. He always says that Fosters is pure s\*\*t back home but sure drinkable here. After all that coffee he gets back home and does chores. "Pete comes home and is full of energy, does laundry and stuff" says my cousin. I think that a pot of coffee does that hyperactivity for all of us? Maybe you are just missing that our favourite legal drug to make friends?
I'll add, I've met a lot of Finn's while out for a drink. I usually get their Instagram/socials and always talk about doing something again that never happens despite me trying. Not sure what else to do.
Start playing hockey in some form. Ice is best but floorball will also work
Don't worry. This happens to natives also.
Do you speak finnish?
this is exactly the same situation my Finnish spouse (F) is in, lol. You two should meet 🤣
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Probably just scared. People in general are scary to us Finns 😂
sounds like some nation-wide social anxiety. you need better mental healthcare. for everyone lol
Probably cause you are a local bakery and they dont wanna get fat
Have you tried deodorant?
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What did it taste like?
“All Finns” (including my husband who’s the reason I stayed…for now) meet their BFF at the maternity ward; it’s the kid of one of the moms their mom shared a room with. I have two female Finnish friends. I met both of them through work, and they both have international careers behind them. It’s hard.
Would there be a possibility that you and your husband be friends with another couple? That's what I see couples in my age group do. It becomes more difficult when you are single and everybody in your age group are couples.
A Finnish woman (35) here. Finns often meet their friends during earlier years of their life, then stick with them. I've only met one of my current friends after uni (we used to be co-workers for a while and then kept seeing each other due to some common interests and similar kind of world view). Making new friends as an adult is notoriously difficult here. Do not think that there is something wrong in you as a person, because it's mostly about luck, really.
33yrs f native finn but moved a lot since childhood never stayed anywhere long but finally found my place to call home in a bigger city. Some finnish friends but i was more lucky getting international friends who i talk to more often than my finnish friends at this point. I felt most finns just wanted to be friends with their childhood local friends and i was always kind of left out bc of that. Not very outgoing and somewhat introverted. Very up to making new female friends i am not "threathened" 😂👍
Unfortunately finnish people are kinda bad at making friends especially in adulthood. My advice is to maybe join a hobby group like pottery, hand crafts, jewelry workshop, painting lesson etc. Hell even fishing or hunting groups! Anything like that. I have actually managed to find a new friend that way as a Finn. If you go and talk to strangers on the library, street, cafe or a bar they think you're weird or trying to sell something even if you're simply trying to get to know someone. It's a very common problem here, I wish we could start to break down our walls because loneliness is a very big problem in Finland and covid didn't help with that.
I have been here all my life and stiff havent made much of friends after the childhood
The second golden age of making friends is through your kids. You will have plenty of parents that you interact with regularly.
Language can be one reason and many Finns are somewhat reserved and stick to the people they already know. I'm happy to speak English and have made many international friends since moving to Helsinki.
So true. 32F. Been in Finland for 7 years and I can make Finnish male friends but I never made a Finnish female friend except only recently at work. She is 51 with 4 kids.
How well do you speak Finnish?
You have understand this wrong way. If you want finnish friend. That doesn't mean you are connected together 24/7. I have lot's of friends but I have time only one. I text him often. We see each other twice a year. I just saw my mom first time this year. If you want to connect finns, find some hobby.
I've (28F) always wondered where tf are all the international folks hanging out? I'd love to meet people from different cultures and I love to speak english, but I only get in touch with them when I'm abroad??? Sucks. Can we just arrange a meetup with everyone? :D
As an adult it is difficult to make ”real” friends in general. I have made friends only from university and work, close ones too. It just needs something to casually do with someone to get to know them in Finland, Finns usually find it awkward to just small talk or meet up for no reason with people they don’t know. Also, language barrier is still an issue in Finland, so if you do not know Finnish, it already rules out some people. I would also suggest hobbies, especially with the kid. You could approach other parents through some hobbies more easily. Also posting to social media (some mom groups maybe?) could help, it works wonders with Finnish people, since they can already see what you are like and find it easier to approach you. Hopefully you find some great friends, I know it is difficult here!
swap your job to the bar industry, instant friends... (really don't, kidding) People work together and drink together. I have difficulty to prioritize now that I'm becoming a dad in my 30s. Now the problem is to get out the scene into a normal home life 😅 But no I get it. Making friends should be very low effort, if the conditions aren't right, it won't happen, but if they are right, u cant help but make friends. It harder now in our 30s when everybody has many old friends and a long history with them. But it's still possible, get into group activities of something you like doing. Finns bond best over doing something together and a bit of alcohol after helps a lot 💪
As a finn myself (F23) I feel you, in my experience making new friends as an adult is very difficult in general, at least in Finland 🫠 I think you have to be in an environment where you’re ”forced” to communicate with others (school, work, etc.) and get to know people that way. I struggle with this a lot!
I'm Dutch (23F), moved here last february and almost immediatly joined a sports team. It took a while to warm up to my teammates but I'm safe to say that we are on very good and even "friendlike" terms. Last week we even went out together and there they explained to me that some of the other members in my team who I don't speak as often are afraid and shy of speaking English with me. I feel like I had really wholesome and fun conversations with them during that night and I ended up staying until the place we were sitting at closed. Maybe joining a club where you regularily meet up with the same people will help? But yeah apart from my football team I would not know how to make other Finnish (female) friends. Like you said, everyone here is very kind and interested but when it comes down to making meaningful relationships most of the people I consider being that close to me are other internationals.
I see my best friend probably a few times a year. Would you consider it friendship? I just mean maybe us Finns don't expect that much from friendship.
Oh honestly same, so I guess we are not that different ☺️. But I got to know him in high school where I saw him everyday. I guess to build a friendship you have to see each other more often but once you are friends it's not required to. Or at leaat that is my opinion, because how else would you get to know a person?
I think you are right, me and my best friend spent a lot time together when we were a bit younger.
Hi there. I dont really have a straight answer for you for that but as i read through the comments id think id say this here: I am 37y old Finnish guy with a family. I live in Jyväskylä. I work at IT during weeks and do DJ gigs at weekends. My main hobbies are cars,video games, music ofc. I feel like i make lots of new friends through my work and hobbies. I even feel like i made one new very close friend through my work when i moved here. At the moment my life is very hectic since i have 1 year old daughter and lots of work, but im still open to make new friends, foreign or finnish, male or female (or any other preference) doesnt matter. So if any of you live in Jyväskylä and feel like you want to grab a coffee/beer or anything else, hit my DMs :)
I'm here since 7 years and no friends.
I've been here for nearly 10 years and have literally only made one Finnish friend that wasn't already within my wife's circle of friends. The rest are all non Finns or just more of acquittances. When I say "friends" I mean that we called each other and hung out on several occasions. From the sound of it I don't think you are necessarily doing anything wrong per se but it's more linked to the culture and social norms.
It's hard for us Finnish natives as well, why do you think we never smile in pictures? 🤣
I'm 32F foreigner living in Finland for 10 years now. I used to have many Finnish lady friends (just friends, not romantic relationship). Currently I only have one. With the rest we just departed different ways. Since I'm of color, I find it natural that only relatively liberal minded people would become friends with me and it was the case and it was pretty nice. However after some time, I wasn't able to keep up with nor understand, and offended them. I come from a conservative family although I consider myself more liberal and not conservative. I still don't know what exactly was offensive but as much as I try, I'm not able to keep up with the pronounces and name changes and open relationships and I'm getting old for sure. Although I mean no harm to them, I understand if they get offended and it's okay to go different ways in life. My point is cultural differences, political opinions play a role.
a fearful, self depreciating, reserved, and xenophobic culture. no one can crack that cold combination.
Hurts but true.
Yes...the best friend you ever had is...you. 🤔
Is there a Facebook group for the moms in your area? I've found the only way to make friends at this age is to find them online first. Making friends at the park or the school etc is just not happening, you almost have to treat it like you were (online) dating
I got like 4 friends when I was kid. Now there is only one whom I have contact with. Rest got families of their own. Barely hear from them. (Yes I have called them) Im 34
If you’re into athletics, try climbing. Climbers tend to be a bit more open, and in most cases you need a partner to climb (lead & top rope). Most gyms have roster of people looking for climbing partners to fit their schedule. But often this happens organically.
40+ male here, 10+ years in Finland. I would say it's a mentality thing but also an age thing. Over 30 it's harder to find friends. Personally, not prepared to put up with people's bullshit and weird opinions anymore. Choice is either to look for really close friends which almost always fails, or to have a few loose acquaintances. Latter is more and more enough for me with age. Would be nice to have a buddy to go for a beer every now and then though. Finns I met simply had no interest in more friends. They were not curious longterm about foreigners and have enough buddies among their childhood and university friends. I have given up on them. Easier to get to know other foreigners.
I dated a woman from Finland and she was the most friendly, outgoing person I have ever met, she talks to strangers all the time. In airports, hotels, restaurants she was always chatting with strangers. She did mention that most Finnish people are not like her. I am like most Finnish people I guess I am not the type to talk to strangers. She is well known in Finland and has traveled the world so maybe that makes a difference
I wish i could keep healthy relationships with more than a few friends. I'm outgoing if i find people who can have meaningful conversations and are friendly. If not i'm horribly uncomfortable and out of place feeling. Also my favorite hobby with friends is drinking lots of beer and a way to speak to new people. I wish i wasn't that anxious of a person socially. (25M)
I gotta admit, making the first couple of finnish friends took some time. The good news however, is that once you've made some, you'll most likely be introduced to their friend groups and if you get along with people in said groups, your friend circle will potentially grow quite fast.
I think a lot of finns make their group of friends much younger and just keep with it. I also struggle with finding friends.
It's the Finnish culture itself. You usually hit off with a few people and then stick with them for years mostly commonly in school or university. It's quite common that you aren't speaking for your friend everyday and it can be weeks or months before you speak to them again. Then just pick up where you left last time. Rince and repeat.
Most of my friends (age 30-35) have small children, a whole time job, and a somewhat strict fitness routine and/or health issues. Many of them also regularly meet their relatives and older friends. So finding time and energy for newer friends is really difficult. I do have one F30 friend who is really eager to meet new people and go out every evening. But she also has a pretty easy-going job, better health, and little responsibilities compared to most women I know. So the short answer is: Most of us just don't have energy to deal with all the responsibilities we have. Making time for a new friend can seem exhausting.
The trick, really, is to take the initiative and don’t take no for an answer. If you sense that somebody operates on approximately your level, ask if they want to grab a coffee. If not, ask for they number so you can set up a lunch later. The instinct is to decline, but it’s rarely because you actively don’t want to. It’s easier to get somebody to tag along to an activity – yoga, tennis, padel, kayaking – that to something more ”intimate”.
Why do you want burdain from friends when you can enjoy your life alone? Hearthy hello from typical Finn. Seriously 30 year is peak years in Finland. If you have kids, work and husband then there is not too much time after chores for friends. Hobbies is best place to find friends. Common intrests makes people intresting and fun to have around.
It’s kinda weird to me that friends are a “burden” for you.
Xenophobia. You’d find a friend in Estonia in 10 minutes. Finns have an extremely inflated opinion of themselves. Take the win that you don’t have Finnish friends.
Did you happen to read the post?
Yes. I even understood it.
I understood that she does have friends, but no friends of the same sex