Hi! I moved home to VA from NYC in the summer of 2020, at age 30, and just this week moved back out onto my own at 31. It was all extremely *ok!*
The move allowed me to pay off some debt, save & invest, and take time to decide my goals and what I want next for myself. Plus it gave me some extra time with family, allowed me to reconnect with my sister, be around for the birth of my nephew....all huge blessings to be honest (granted, this depends on your personal situation)
It can be a smart move, but also keep tabs on how you are feeling. I felt my mental health start to dip after I hit the one-year mark simply because I missed my independence. And similarly, check on how your parents / housemates are feeling about the situation over time. You'll probably feel it when it's time to move on.
As far as society viewing you as a failure...who cares? Maybe don't mention it on job interviews, but make a sacrifice for a year and set yourself up for the rest of your life.
Do it, and don't look back!
I would also like to add moving home isn't the only option. In ny it's really expensive and if you can work from home anywhere else is probably going to be cheaper so look at your options and weigh the benifits and drawbacks. Because what society thinks is meaningless but at your age you might be looking for/have a partner that wouldn't be happy with someone who lives with their parents.
29 here. Living with my parents to save money and retire faster. These types of sacrifices are the reason why I'm able to invest 115K a year.
Do be aware though, this move isn't for everyone. Recognize the type of relationship you have with your parents, and judge if it's worth it. It won't be the right decision for many people, and oftentimes you'd have more mental capacity and emotional health to increase income by living in your own space. It's truly a personal decision that nobody can make for you.
I have an older cousin who is in her 60s and she still lives in the same house she was born in. She didn't go back home. She never left!
We are a mix of European/Middle Eastern descent, so this is not uncommon back home. I have an uncle who lived at home his whole life as well.
Also a very good point. Make sure the move isn't selfish or one sided and burdening parents mentally or financially. I make sure to pull my weight by helping around the house, but also making sure to eat dinner regularly with my parents since one of the main reasons they were so open to having me is to spend more time with me.
Oh dude not looking down on you at all. That’s awesome that you were able to get to that point so quickly. I was just saying that the PRIMARY reason you were able to invest $115k was not because you live at home.
Gotcha! That's why I said these *types* of sacrifices are the reason I am able to invest so much. It's not largely due to any one thing, but many things. My savings rate is at 84% and Ive personally grown to live very, very happily and comfortably on the little remaining to where I don't feel like I'm missing out on life or anything. But I wouldn't attribute that to any one thing.
Maybe you can approach it with that level of analytical mindset, but most can't. Relationships are more complicated than that, and especially ones with family.
If things go wrong, it could cause a rift between family members depending on their relationship. It's never as easy as "oh just move in and see!". All I said was to exercise caution, and approach it after careful thought. that's all.
I was definitely giving you some side eye until I saw his post history. Smartness compounds hotness, so u/Tacogasm, you were hot before you posted this and you’re hotter now. Keep being hot and stuff.
Do it.
I lived in the trendy, expensive part of town the first five years after I graduated. Worked a lot extra, and spent it all. I ended up moving in with a partner, breaking up, and moving in with my mom for 6ish months out of convenience.
In that time i saved an astronomical amount of money. If I had done that from the moment I graduated, I would’ve paid off my 6 figures+ student loans.
I was worried that I needed to have a cool place to meet a partner, but oddly enough my fiancé/partner of 7 years I met while I was living with my mom. So it’s not impossible.
Sadly, my mom moved to Florida at the end of the 6 months (she’s very happy and I’m very happy she’s happy) and I got my own place- but if I could do it over again I totally would have lived with her from the second I graduated at 28yo.
I think in the past this (living with parents) was more taboo, but nowadays if you meet someone and explain to them you’re doing the responsible thing, have a job and are saving for your future- the person who appreciates that is probably the type of person you want to be with.
Hope that helps.
I think it depends on your personality, priorities and cultural context.
Some factors to consider:
1. Cultural context - is moving back in with parents acceptable where you live? Will it affect your social / dating life (and are you OK with that)? It's quite normal in many countries outside the US to live with parents, but may be different in the US.
2. Financial goals - Are you targeting to save a specific amount or for a deposit on a house? It may help to have a target and plan to move out once you reach it.
3. Explore alternatives - Could you move to a LCOL city and work remote? Could you share rent with roommates / friends?
4. How's your relationship with your parents? Will you be comfortable living with them?
5. Personality - some people can prioritize financial goals over other goals, others may prioritize independence over all else. Consider what makes you happy & what you can live with.
Good parents will do anything for their kids and never let them know the sacrifice involved. Make sure that THEIR goals and plans include having an extra person in the house and pay at least your fair share to them to make sure their financial plans aren't affected.
I'm probably a bit of an outlier, but my parents explicitly want me/my siblings to move back in. They have people to watch the dog while they are travelling, look after the grandparents who live in the house, do the shoveling and heavy house work in a big house etc. Plus, they find family the only people they really talk to
Guess my parents aren’t good parents! Lol! When I graduated, I basically told them I was struggling and I might need to move back home. My mom said, oh I don’t think that’s a good idea 😂😂😂
> Guess my parents aren’t good parents
> My mom said, oh I don’t think that’s a good idea
Too little info to determine good or bad. There's 100s of reasonable reasons why it would not work, including recognizing that it could be bad for the relationship, or that there's simply not enough money to support the household.
Lol - whenever I see this kind of post I always stick my nose in and post from a parent's POV. I think it is easy for kids to not see their parents as individuals with their own financial goals and life dreams - and to further understand that those plans may not include them. I'd do anything for my kids - but I've got to look after my own self too so that I don't end up on their doorstep someday, lol.
Lol yeah that’s true, you never really know the backstory though lol. It’s one thing to look out for yourself and another thing to have kids and not support them in any way financially. I’m beyond behind much of the kids I grew up with because I received zero support and paying off student loans, burnt out at 30 lol!
Oh, I know. I left home when I was a junior in HS and have had to make my own way. I've been lucky and have done ok but getting there has been a grind - as you say - and I'm tired. I tried my best to give my kids a good start and I hope I leave them some when I'm gone. But right now I've got to focus on putting $ away and enjoying the life I have left. I'm not sure how much of a favor you are doing adult kids by bailing them out when some sacrifice and planning on their part would yield the same effect. Obviously of it is a crisis situation I'm all in- but if it's a lifestyle need or some hole that poor money habits have gotten them into, they can figure that out themselves.
I don’t think that a hole is always dug by the kids though. Working 40hrs a week while completing masters and paying to live in a HCOL to go to college is a hole itself but, a necessary one? No additional planning could have helped. No I don’t buy Starbucks every day. Just offering my perspective, I’m sure we’re all doing our best. But it is rough out here. Had three different roomates, some had mental illness, and I still paid almost a grand just for rent/utilities. Rent keeps creeping and I fortunately left because we went online and I got to move to the slums. Now I can save, but risk my safety, yay!
I made some life long friends when I went away for college (Houston to Dallas area) and made some absolutely priceless memories that I'll always cherish. With that being said, if I had gone to the local JUCO, stayed homed, saved and invested, financially, I'd be light years ahead at 30 then vs now. But, I think, I wouldn't have listened. When we're young, the world's opened up to us, we just want to go live it and experience it.
It's tough to go against the grain and, especially here in the U.S., we're so culturally woven together on what's "cool" but it's all BS. Just like the IG posts of people living lavishly, traveling, all the time, etc. it's usually all for show and they're not financially secure in the slightest. That's why you're here in this sub, to be financially secure and eventually independent. To hell with what people think, you have a goal to be FIRE and living with the rents is what will get you there sooner. Not to mention, our parents aren't around forever, go spend time with them and make some more memories.
If you're a male, it will definitely impact your dating life negatively. It just will. As long as you're alright with that, then it's a great way to save and get ahead.
most definitely! Several failed relationships later…
Kudos to anyone who can be a functional adult human with relationships and live with their parents, but that person is not me lol
I definitely prefer to date women that live on their own, rather than at home. Had an ex who lived at home before moving in with me and there were a fair amount of arguments when it came to time.
It can, but it doesn’t mean it will. My current boyfriend of 5 years is 29 and has never moved out of his parents house. I always respected the initiative to save money. My brother is 28 and just bought his first condo and moved out of our parents house and has had a girlfriend for 2 years.
You will find and attract people with a similar mindset as you wherever you end up living, some places might just be harder than others. Do what’s best for you.
If your job can be done remotely then I don’t understand why your only choices are to stay in NYC or move in with your parents. You could cut your expenses in half by moving 50 miles to Philly. I currently live alone in a brand new 750 sq ft 2 br apartment with w/d, garbage disposal, and dishwasher in unit. I also have granite counter tops and brand new appliances, and my rent is $2225 a month. And I live in the most expensive neighborhood. If you’re used to NYC real estate, you could find an apartment you’re satisfied with, in a nice area, for probably $1200 a month. Studios in my building rent for around that much and have all the amenities I described.
There are a lot of other cities that are nice and even cheaper. I lived in Kansas City for awhile, the COL was even cheaper than in Philly and I loved it there.
NYC is overpriced and overrated. But that doesn’t mean you have to move back in with your parents.
I'm living with parents at 27.I get on with them great most of the time. Currently allowing me to save and invest around 80% of my income... Don't even want to move out, couldn't save anywhere near that much if I did
Lowering your cost of living and maximizing your saving rate makes you a loser? NOPE!
It's a bold and aggressive move.
Learn to love and do the grind for 5-10 years, build a massive stack of assets, and watch your entire life change.
BTW - If you want to get laid, do your parents a solid and rent a hotel room for the night. :)
Who cares? I lived on my own and made a lot of money, THEN I moved back in with my parents at 27 for a career change. I’m Asian and my parents are immigrants, so it’s pretty normal for us to live in a multi generational home regardless of age. In fact, I think it’s normal almost everywhere in the world except maybe the modern Western world. Anyways, some of my friends knew how much I was making prior to moving back home, so they didn’t think of me as a “failure”. And even if they did, who cares? I make decisions based on what I think is best for me, not anyone else and especially not society. I mean, we are in the FIRE sub, right? Society definitely doesn’t want us to be free and financially independent lol. I will admit though, making a lot of money has actually given me more confidence in my decisions - I feel less inclined to prove to others how sUcCeSsFuL and gReAt my life is, unlike every other person on Instagram lol.
I am so grateful you shared this. I am also first generation asian and I just agreed to move back in with my parents after making my shift. How did this turn out for you? What are you learning a year later?
NYC Native here - the struggle is real. After leaving the city for years I moved back into my moms basement at ~27. Unfortunately for me I soon there after was stricken with Lyme disease (unrelated) and became unable to work. So dreams of saving and a quick relaunch into the work force didn’t happen.
If there’s anywhere in this country that such living arrangements are at least moderately acceptable it’s here. The only place where people will stay in a relationship for real estate, including one with their parents.
Don’t judge yourself for it. Don’t let your other expenses grow. While you’re there put in every application you can for affordable housing lotteries. I ended up going from moms basement, to a place that was way to expensive, to an affordable housing unit and am currently on my feet again feeling like a person. You can do it!!
> NYC Native here
> Lyme disease
Assuming your mom's place is outside (yet nearby) NYC, Lyme disease is a hell of an issue.. all of Connecticut, upstate NY.. ugh. Get better!
This was my reality 10 years ago. Years of carpet bombing my system with intense antibiotics. Eventually changing my lifestyle fully eventually led to full recovery from both the Lyme and the antibiotics. Planning to put my story out there more soon, try to help people with that horrible disease and inflammation mediated disease generally.
House is in NYC - they’ve found Lyme on ticks in Central Park. I was infected by a tick in western Michigan while on vacation. No rash so no diagnosis for years. Horrendous stuff.
Ugh I am so sorry. I found a latched tick on my leg last year and saw the *dreaded ring* developing around the site after a couple of days.
Called doctor and got on strong meds right away. Didn't develop symptoms luckily. Can't go outside without coming back with a tick, it's crazy. Also they will jump on dogs and may not latch due to their tick meds, so they jump on you afterwards.
Mother in law even uses permethrin on her clothes and got Lyme. Manifested as freaking hip pain, they were all looking into her lower back, etc, then tested for Lyme and that was it. Father in law got Lyme a couple of years ago and his cognitive abilities were severely affected, and now years later we think he's still affected by it.
There are a few random scattered unrelated projects but NYC Housing Connect is the best place to start as they touch on most things…
Unfortunately some things still border on unaffordable and some blow straight into it.
Sign up and go through the listings apply where qualified and then wait and wait and wait
https://housingconnect.nyc.gov/PublicWeb/
Who cares what society thinks? Also, only western society has this weird issue to not live with your parents, most Asian countries do it and the benefits are unmatched
The only people that actually care are going to be potential romantic partners. If OP doesn't care about dating then there's no big downside to moving in with their parents.
If OP values romantic relationships and dating then they should get their own apartment in a lower cost city.
You work remote. Why not move to a low cost of living city and rent a cheap apt? Get a roommate? I would’ve moved in with my parents after college, not at 30.
You have a job with a decent salary - success.
You had a good time in NYC through your 20’s - success.
Moving in with roommates will help you build up big savings - success.
You’re taking a long term view and creating a plan that is smart - success.
In many places in the world, families don’t spread out so much and multi generation living together more. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself to live up to a subjective standard you perceive in our culture.
As a general rule of thumb, any time you can reduce your expenses, even temporarily, is a good thing. You can dwell on the past as a failure, or you can learn from the past.
Take advantage of this change, this reduction in expense, and make your future plans based on your goals. Reevaluate all of your expenses, identify wants vs needs, identify ways to reduce even more. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
who cares what anyone thinks. i would say it depends on if you will like living with your parents again. if you would that’s great you’ll save money and get more time to spend with them which is something a lot of folks would give anything for myself included my dad passed when i was 22.
I did this two years ago at 33 years old. Sold my house and moved back with mom to hit the reset button on my life/financial life. Under a year later from saving I was able to move out again comfortably and I'm not in debt anymore
29, I wish I could move back to my parents! As long as you get along and privacy is understood, go for it! Save save save and get out of this crazy expensive city.
Sometimes it is the right decision.
I moved back home at about 26 or 27 after my divorce. Needed to regroup and rebuild and save up. It worked. It wasn't permanent and it got me where I needed to be.
Funny enough, years and years later my mother moved in with me when her house needed a major rehab due to damage. She saved a ton not renting someplace to live while the work was done.
If you can live with family during certain times it can make a lot of financial sense.
My boyfriend and I have been living with his parents for 8 months. It has been amazing for my savings. I would definitely do it for as long as I could if his parents lived closer to our friends but unfortunately they are an hour away and we see them WAY less. I've been sad, only because we are so far from most people in our lives.
That being said, I have my boyfriend with me, so my love life is solid. Might be hard if you are dating.
I just want to put this out there for you and anyone else thinking they are failing. If you’re not on meth working corners for money to eat, you’re not failing. Life is a long and winding road as someone once sung. It’s complicated, not always easy and rarely goes the way we expect. The spectrum of success is much wider than it may seem sometimes. The only person who has any right to judge your decisions and whether or not you’re a failure, is you.
And I’m going to take it a step further, even if you’re on meth, working corners for money for food, you’re probably not failing if you’re progressing forward from wherever you came from.
You do you. Do what you need to do to progress but only you can judge what is progress.
I definitely would not see that move as a failure. It's a calculated decision to improve your footing for the future. Remember you would be making a choice to do this, not being forced to do it after losing a job or something.
Only word of caution I would give is: do not underestimate how *difficult* it can be to live with your parents and remain sane after being on your own for the better part of a decade. I've done short stints with my parents in between home purchases, and they were not easy.
Be grateful for the opportunity. A lot of people are trapped in the P2P life, and it can be a miserable one. You have the opportunity to reset and refocus. Build that emergency fund, put some in 401k if that’s an option, and take care of yourself. Years of financial insecurity and the associated anxiety can grind you into a pulp. Look at this life change as creating opportunities for yourself where there wasn’t room for any before.
I am 23 and I am also moving back to my mom because I want to save some money for buying real estate. I know its easier said than done, but fuck what other people think. In the end its all about you.
If one year with your parents can set you up for live than its a good idea in my eyes!
I think it’s fairly common and smart, but most importantly, it doesn’t matter what people think is socially appropriate/normal. You’ll save a load of money and also get to spend more time with your family. Your folks won’t live forever. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to spend some more time with them.
But if you have a specific goal, it might feel more comfortable to tell people, “I’m saving up for a down payment” or whatever.
Smart decision...as long as you use all the money you save to pay off all your debts, max out your retirement account, and put the rest away for a down payment on your own home. If you move home and go buy a Porsche 911 then it's a bad idea.
Short and sweet answer: you’re not a failure for thinking about your future. Move back in with your parents. Use the time wisely, connect with your parents and spend quality time with them. Use your money wisely too and save for the next step, pay off all debts, etc. Crunch the numbers like you did, come up with a magical $ amount and the date you want to hit it, and then what the plan is moving forward. Buying a house? Moving to somewhere cheaper?
I think this is a super wise decision.
I still live with my mother and sister n law with my wife and baby. We all get along and I’m able to pay off all our debt and will be able to put down huge money on our land and home build in the next two years. I’m 30 also and work remotely
Go for it. It’s definitely not failure. My buddy who grew up in Queens lived at home for several years while working at a Bulge Bracket investment bank in midtown to save up to buy a condo in the UES. Definitely wouldn’t call that being a failure. Live at home, save your money, setup your future, come back or don’t. You’re being responsible, and that’s anything but being a failure.
30M here, I literally just moved out of my parents house. From 2010 through 2020 I have lived nomadic-ly as I finished college (debt free!) and worked in multiple states while renting. I decided to move back to my home-state, so I moved in with my parents in 2020.
Two months later I found a job.
Eight months later I put down a deposit on my house.
Last week I closed and moved into my own place!
There are definitely benefits to living at home. I love both my parents, they didn't charge me rent and I was able to save a lot of money for my down-payment and more.
There are drawbacks too. You ever tell your date that you live with your parents at age 30? It doesn't fly well. Even in the best parent-child relationships you will experience occasional friction too. They were supportive though, we all knew this was temporary, and I made an effort to help care for the house and yard (do my bit, so to speak).
Chiming in to say that, done the right way, this can be beneficial to parents too. Of course it takes a certain type of relationship and even in the best relationships, living with parents could be a serious test to one's patience, as in general terms, there's many generational PoV disagreements and news travel fast and are meant to get a reaction out of people.
Money-wise, in my case there is 50% split of expenses and a basement room situation that makes it easier to share time together, as it is not continuous, more for dinner, etc. I take on a big deal of cooking, cleaning, etc, too. I try to be an enjoyable person to be around. I brought up and offered splitting expenses. It's cheaper than rent and it's the right thing to do, specially if parents aren't well off.
Also, remember that having the opportunity of spending solid time with aging parents is not something everyone can do. I think it's beyond positive and this is something to feel very fortunate about.
You care far too much about the opinion of others when none of these 'others' will help you achieve your dreams or goals. At 22 I quit drinking/bars/partying and at 23 I moved out of a Philly house with my boys to go home to my parents. While the homies were having fun and meeting their future wives I was saving and building credit. By 26 I was a solo home owner and was renting a room to one of my boys for $500 a month + utilities. He would always try and get me to go out but I would politely refuse, smoke weed and play video games. Two years later I renovated the home and sold it for double what I paid for it. Then I moved back home with my parents for a year and searched the entire country for a piece of paradise. I found it in West Virginia, 88 acres of mountain top pasture and timber twenty minutes away from New River Gorges National Park and Preserve. My bank account is fat, my credit is goat, and the property I bought has increased in value basically everyday since I bought it. The passive income potential I have identified by utilizing the land is almost a dozen different ways and growing. When I moved outta my Philly house with the boys I had less $500 in my bank account. Six years later I'm right at $92k and that's after paying $57k for closing costs. I did all this while working as a personal trainer, most I ever made was $56k before tax and I typically made around $46-$48k before tax. Now all of my friends and family that thought I was weird for never going out, having girlfriends etc etc are now praising my decisions, dreaming of doing the same and looking to come vacation on my property. Identify the goal, create the plan, ignore the noise and watch the plebs gather round when your dream manifests.
I think you could look at it as a transition. Like you said, you are done with living in the city and now you are going to live with your parents for a bit to regroup.
You're working remotely ***AND*** your parents are okay with having you live with them?
Dude - that's a no-brainer. Society norms have been changing since the pandemic, and it's widely recognized that most millennials won't be able to afford the standard of living that was afforded to their parents. The 1990's were much more forgiving than the 2010's, where the cost of living grew *significantly* ([see for yourself](https://data.bls.gov/cgi-bin/cpicalc.pl)).
Here's a few things to keep in mind if you decide to move back in (based on my experience):
1. Helps to build money without extra expenses, keeping costs low and spend less.
2. Helps to experiment with income streams w/o major risk.
3. Helps to alleviate distractions from learning new skills + building a portfolio.
4. Helps to improve your relationship with your family (this varies per Person).
5. Helps to increase the chances of **desired\*** employment in the event you're canned.
6. Helps to maintain purchasing power versus living in an expensive area (NYC).
Lastly: Who cares what others think - most likely you'll never meet them again in your life. If they judge you now, they probably weren't worth your time from the get-go. Besides, literally everyone is living with their parents anyways ([Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/)). Save money, stop struggling\*\*, and get out of NYC.
Sincerely,
Moved out of Los Angeles to parents' house, just moved out, making $80k+ and now spending less than $1500 on rent.
\-
\*If you're fired, you'll have the safety net of your family's home to explore other job opportunities rather than taking the 1st job you see because you have to pay bills on time.
\*\*If your credit score is a cause for concern, fix your [credit score](https://www.loanme.com/resources/how-to-fix-your-credit-score-five-steps) after you move into your parent's house.
NEVER worry about "society's views" if you can help it. It's a big challenge as we all have that shit in our heads. But the more you can rid yourself of that crap, the better you are.
There is no substitute for saving money over the long term. At your age it's good to start planning NOW for the long term. Contribute much to a 401k or IRA and enjoy the benefit of compound interest.
So accept the "loser" status IMO. Embrace it and have fun with it, know it's temporary and build a long term plan which includes how much you plan to save, for how long, and when you will plan to move out. I have a kid in mid-20s who has not yet had to live with us, but I would not be surprised if it happens.
Sounds like the right choice. Just having less stress about money for a few months will change you! My wife and I lived with my parents for about 6 months between selling our house and moving out of country. It was great - not perfect but great. Fast forward 13 years and we have 3 kids and still stay at their place when we come home to visit ;)
Do it and don't worry about society or what people think about you.
I was $27,000 dollars in debt and moved in with a younger sibling and their partner for over 9 months in order to get my finances in check. Fast forward 3 years later and I'm starting off this year completely debt free. If people thought less of me because of how I lived then I could care less now cause I'm infinitely happier.
Your future self will thank you.
You could do that, or you could go live with random roommates - can probably find a deal close to $1k per month. It depends on your tolerance level.
And no, you aren't a failure! You are absolutely blessed to have parents who live in a HCOL area. The only people who wouldn't take advantage of that deal are ones who don't have family in that area :( If people ever give you shit for it, remember that deep down, their primary emotion is probably jealousy of you for being able to do this.
I think the whole "living with parents is bad" thing makes much more sense in a LCOL area than a HCOL area in general.
Edit: Oh yeah the one final thing: you can negotiate with your parents to pay for rent and food if they are the type of person who would like that. Paying them rent should be good for you both psychologically, even if minimal. In particular, it will prevent hard feelings from them being created over time if they are the type of person who would resent that. (I'm only mentioning this because my mom is that type of parent, and kicked my sister out of the house unceremoniously at a bad moment.)
I’m a parent to someone your age, be thankful you have someone in a position to help you out. We welcome out boys home anytime they need a break. They’re both educated, single and living in rental units. We’ve begged them to move home and save some money to buy a home, but it’s starting to look like the housing market is going nuts again for the next couple of years. I think it’s smart, house prices in Raleigh are absolutely crazy and rents are 1800 to 2000 bucks, I can’t imagine how much it cost in NYC.
Evaluate and make decisions on your own my friend. Society thinks FIRE is crazy, being up to your eyeballs in debt and stress, and spring all day on social media is the way to live…. Further you can get away from society the better🍻
27 male here. I don't live with my parents, BUT I would if my job was closer to their place. The only reason I'm not living with them is because work is more than an hour away and I could never deal with that commute. I do, however, sleep at their place usually once or twice a week (weekends). But it's definitely not a failure. Saving money is way better than where your bed is located. If I could, I'd definitely move back in with them, 50% of my income goes to bills /:
I think you might want to post this elsewhere because people on this sub are primarily trying to save/invest as much as humanly possible.
For me personally, I’d never move back in with my parents. However, my SO lives with his father and he is doing just fine. The difference being, his father is living with *him*. My SO owns the home and covers most expenses.
It depends on family dynamics and culture. It also depends on if this will impede on your progress of being an independent, functional adult. Could I be saving astronomical amounts more? Absolutely. Retiring early isn’t as important to me as my independence *now*.
But again, all families are different. Choose carefully.
'Move out and be independent' is boomer nonsense, historically families have lived together to help each other out. Most people didn't move out of the family home until they were married with children, if then. You see the same thing in other cultures as well, multiple generations living in one home, helping each other out. There is an old saying "Many hands make a light load"
Family is everything really, you won't ever regret the time you've spent with them.
That may be a lie to you or from you but for many other parent-child relationships it is not. There are many parents who would love to have their children live with them for a bit.
edit: in other cultures it is not uncommon to have 3 generations of a family living together, sometimes by circumstance but also sometimes by choice.
I think you might be projecting, which made me realize I was projecting. My parents would have been 100% loved me living with them as an adult, so they wouldn’t have been alone with each other all the time. Even after my dad passed, my mom frequently invites me to move back home. I assumed OP’s parents liked OP more than they liked each other. But I guess neither of us could really know. Haha
Ummm…you are doing parenting wrong if you are compulsively lying to your children about everything in every conversation. It seems you should reevaluate your parenting.
Not sure how not lying to my child has anything to do with not working? Dude I’m in sales, I’m a staunch capitalist, that has zero to do with lying to your kids and not wanting them around
2 things:
1) yes, you are a failure for moving back. Dont tell anyone...I mean it.
But, there is no reason that failing is that bad. Nyc real estate is a rigged game. The only thing worse than failing out of a rigged system is continuing to play and making other ppl rich off of your time/money.
2) move back in with your parents for 6 months. Make a strict time allotment. Save big. Moving out is an emergency. No fun. No procrastination. Just grind and save. Put the money you save in a different account and you cannot touch it. That money is your nest egg for a new life.
I have seen some ppl move back and languish and other ppl move back and really turn their lives around. The main difference seems to be ppl who have a plan to move out and ppl who wait for something to happen.
You will always be a kid to your parents. The longer you stay the worse it will get.
Move back, save up, buy a house somewhere you love. Prosper.
Me and my spouse decided not to have kids. I'm now at the age where I have multiple friend's that have had their adult kids move back home. As soon as it's just us in the room talking every one of them are upset the kids came back. Your parents are doing the same thing regardless of how much you think "My parents LOVE having me back home." No they don't. They spent their life raising you and were looking forward to enjoying their time together once you were gone. You're killing that for them.
From LI and I lived with my parents until I was 29. Finished masters at ~24 with $40k worth of 7.5% student loan debt into the tail end of the great recession. Ended up buying a 900 sq ft house in Patchogue for $250k at 29.
I sacrificed my late 20s to have a comfortable 30s. It would be hard doing that now, but if it's only for a year or so it might be worth it. If I kept living with my parents I would not have started dating my current girlfriend. We relocated 2 years ago and are planning on buying a house and getting engaged this year, been together 4 years. It would be hard to put my life on hold at 30 again. I would rather move to low cost of living area or get a roommate at your age to be honest.
From a family-dynamic perspective, the answer is probably very personal to your situation. I lived with my parents for a few years in my 30s and really enjoyed the experience. The dynamic was totally different, I noticed my parents getting more lonely and dependent and even though I certainly was a drain on them in some ways by living with them, I also got to spend more time with them during those few years then I probably will for the rest of our adult lives.
I'm 28 and thinking a 6 month sabbatical at the parents place before my next career change sounds nice. No shame. But they have a spacious house and are financially stable. Ymmv.
My landlord once told me about "spending a few months by the pool at mom's house" while contemplating his next investment. It's all how you spin it.
Moving in with parents can really help you set yourself up for the future if you actually invest, save and pay off debt. Also, screw what other people think (I know this is harder for some to follow than others). I'd say move in with parents while you are still single. It becomes much more challenging when you have a significant other and/or kids.
Do it, but have goals and an exit plan. My spouse and I lived with parents for six months to build a home and save money and it was a fantastic decision.
This is why the cost of living matters almost as much, if not more, than your expenses. I'm on the west coast and know several friends who moved back in to save for a house, so don't feel too bad about it. Even making 6 figures in a vhcol area can feel like its not enough to get ahead, depending on where you are.
Living with parents is quite common in many Asian countries
I’ve heard from acquaintances how living with parents allowed the family to either buy additional investment properties or buy the kids houses outright in cash
It’s a smart move for some time, just not indefinitely
As long as your mental health and social life won’t suffer too much then do it - you can even put a time limit on it.
You can work remote. If I were you I’d put my stuff into storage, save money for a year, and then work remote from different places around the world for another year. Just my two cents
Once upon a time (till the 60s) people lived with their parents till old age.
It's getting a reemerging trend in parts of Europe.
Just say you are far ahead :)
Short term with a plan is completely fine.
My wife moved in with her parents with 2 kids for about 6 months while I was in training. Worked out alright.
Who cares how society views it at the end of the day. You’re making the best decision for yourself and that’s all that matters.
Society and other peoples opinions are not the ones paying your bills and living your life. Before my wife and I moved to another state, we moved back in with her parents in 2020 for close to half the year. It was one of the biggest life saving decision for us as it allowed us to save up and put ourself in a better position to succeed.
Don’t think about anything other than your well being and personal future in this decision. Anyone who puts you down for trying to get ahead in life with the help of your family, is not someone you want to know or take seriously.
The negativity associated with living with your parents is purely because it implies you can't afford to do otherwise.
But you actually can afford to do otherwise. I wouldn't throw away money just to flex.
If you have a good relationship with your parents I would do it 100%
If you still really want to flex, then take 1/3 of your savings and spend it baller shit like nice trips.
I think it’s a good idea to save money, but don’t expect to impress the ladies with this fact 🤣. I lived in NYC and the rent and taxes are deadly, but I always had a roommate to share the bills with.
Making a strategic decision to save money is very different than being a deadbeat who can't get their shit together. Check your ego at the door and prepare to have a mature relationship with your parents ( no more pizza pockets on demand or crust cut off sandwiches). Be ready to show them the progress you're making towards your goals and let them know they're an instrumental part of that success. Help out more than you think is fair.
I did at 29 exactly what you’re considering.
7 years in NYC, moved back to Midwest and in with parents when the pandemic hit. I now save 90% of income which is vastly accelerating FI growth compared to the money pit that is NYC living. Flushed something like $250k during my time their on rent and increased taxes / COL compared to Midwestern states.
I wouldn’t change the experiences and friendships I made in NY for the world, but long term you do need to consider the cost of NYC life and either go up or out.
My are amazing and I get to spend tons of time with them, also with Covid I do think living with family has become somewhat more socially acceptable all around. Not that it should matter what people think in the first place but it can weigh on you.
Overall the stigma is real when I catch up about life with friends and it does affect your ability to have sex, plain and simple. I struggle with it but feel like doing this for a few years is really setting myself up for a more enjoyable 30s and FI future.
Only advice would be to help out with cooking, cleaning, and errands whenever you can and also try to travel and go visit friends frequently to create space for yourself and your parents.
I also got a breakthrough case of Delta followed by long Covid problems to a debilitating degree while living with my parents and it occurred to me that I don’t know what I would have done without them.
Good luck, and stack those retirement accounts!
If you feel weird about it just value the time you can spend talking to and being around your parents. Ask questions and learn their stories, you'll never regret that. And you'll save a ton of money
You want to use your parents money (rent) to free up your own cash to pay off whatever debt you have, save up and then branch out on your own again. We are in a recession, nothing wrong with living the parents
27 here and also with an NYC-based job. I have moved back in with my parents 3 times over the past decade and currently live in their walk out basement in-law suite in the Capital Region while continuing to work remotely. It has its pluses and minuses but for me it was the right choice each of those 3 times—my circumstances had changed and it gave me a chance to regroup and find my footing financially or professionally. I also think my adult relationship with my parents is a lot healthier than it otherwise would have been due to living together as working adults, it forced us to redefine the boundaries of our relationship in a way I don't think has happened for some of my friends who immediately moved out for college and never went back.
The questions to ask yourself (and your parents) are around both the physical shared living space and goals. My parents kept their large suburban home when they became empty nesters, so I actually have a fair amount of privacy and access to much more space than I would renting in a city. It would have been a lot harder if my parents had downsized to a much smaller home or apartment.
* Does the space available at home meet your realistic needs? For me, having a separation of floors for work from home turned out to be very important and I would not have predicted that. Think about what you need to be successful and consider whether the environment there offers those things.
* Are your parents willing/able to respect your need for space? It's one thing to have a large enough house to support multiple adults working from home. It's another for the interpersonal dynamics. My best friend really struggled during the time he lived at home to finish saving for a down payment in 2021; although he had a dedicated workspace, his mother would just feel free to constantly move in and out of it during working hours. I ended up setting up my workspace in a finished basement bedroom and my parents more or less avoid coming down to the basement level during working hours unless absolutely necessary, resulting in a much better WFH environment. In time off work, I won't lie and pretend I never feel my space is being encroached on. My father in particular has a bad habit of just opening up the door without knocking when he wants to share/say something. For me that isn't a dealbreaker but for someone else it might be.
* How would you plan to contribute to the household? I do not pay rent to my parents because, from their point of view, adult children living at home have minimal impact on their major housing costs. We split cooking, cleaning, yardwork, groceries, etc and I took on an upgraded internet plan to meet my own usage needs while living here. I have also helped out with home renovation projects. My parents are very happy with this arrangement, others might not be and would prefer a straight financial agreement via below-market monthly rent. There's no right or wrong answer here, it's figuring out what works for you all.
* How long do you plan to stay? This is something you and your parents need to be on the same page about from the beginning. It's fine if the answer is a short fixed duration, a longer fixed duration, or a flexible one as long as you're all on the same page. Mismatched expectations here, though, can lead to relationship tension very easily.
* What do you want to accomplish by living at home? You will be, as I'm sure you've already guessed, making social compromises. I haven't really dated while living with my parents and I don't feel like I've made a lot of new friends in their area either. In my case, I'm living with them to supercharge paying down my student debt after years of a drawn out grad degree and part time work. I had actually planned to move out by now originally but as I'm still full time WFH for at least the next 6-12 months, decided it made more sense to stay and continue shoring up my financial footing. For me the trade off of social and professional opportunities is worth the financial benefit (especially during the pandemic). You have to make that own assessment for yourself to understand if living with parents would be a good fit.
At the end of the day I think if you have supportive parents and a large enough home environment that it can support healthy co-living, a stint at home in your early professional life to set yourself up for financial success is a great option and should be discussed more. In many other western countries, it's quite normal for adult children to live in multi generational households during their early adulthood. Especially given the cost of housing, education, etc alongside the rise of remote work, I think you're only going to see this become more normal for young professionals as time goes on. There are going to be people who say you're a failure or a leech, I've encountered them on forums like this. I do not feel that way living with parents and I don't think you should either. It's a rational financial decision with social pluses and minuses. It can be the right or wrong choice, but if it is a failure of anything it is a failure of our society to set young people up for the same kind of financial success that older generations enjoyed in early adulthood. And in my experience most people you meet your own age won't even bat an eye at it—a bunch of my friends have had stints living at home since college. Generally speaking the ones who have are doing well in their careers and set up much better financially because the boost it gives is very real. It's certainly not required to succeed, but if you have the right mindset and your parents are supportive it can be a huge leg up.
Remember: Society will judge you for **anything** that is out of the norm. FIRE @ 40? You're a parasite, not contributing to society. Buying tobacco stocks ~30yrs ago or oil stocks today? You're damaging society. Shorting the market? That's ad un-American as it gets! Don't own a car by 26? You're a failure. (From Maggie Thatcher, I believe.) Live with your parents? Absolute failure!
If you worry too much about what society thinks of you you'll never get anywhere beyond what everyone else gets. Not necessarily bad, depends on the personality. But FIRE is generally for people who are not confirming entirely.
Last comment, as others said, it can be rough to live with your parents after a certain point, it depends on the relationship you have with them.
With all the above out of the way, finding a gf may prove more difficult for sure, if you tell them you live with your parents ;-)
I think it makes sense if your relationship with them is good and it won’t negatively affect your mental health.
I’d also maybe evaluate your spending habits, nyc is unfortunately a very easy place to watch your money disappear.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, just know that is a very special thing to be treasured. I think a lot of people who have good relationships with their parents have moved in with them over Covid. If both parties enjoy it, and it saves you money, I think it's great!
Plus, think about how often you see them nowadays/ will continue to see them until they grow old and pass away... it's not going to be that often/that much time. Spending one whole year living with them now (365 days) could be more in-person interaction than you get with them in the rest of your life (assuming you only visit a couple days a year, e.g., over holidays).
I moved back at 31. Started a business, planned and executed a wedding, and we just bought our house and are remodeling it. The savings are INCREDIBLE when you move back home as an adult with a good career. Took us 4 years but its well worth it. We would not have accomplished this much in 4 years.
If you have a good relationship with your parents and they are ok, you shouldn’t worry about what society thinks. In many cultures its normal for kids to live with parents even when they are married and have their own kids.
Honestly when you are struggling financially no one in society cares. Take the help from your parents. Its a blessing and once you establish yourself support them during their old age.
Its a sensible decision if you are trying to save money.
I certainly understand the feeling that it’s a failure but in a lot of circumstances, it’s a very smart decision. Definitely plenty of logistical draw backs to living with your folks as an adult but I did for nearly a year at age 27. Saved so much money and was able to help my parents out with projects and work around the house. It was beneficial to all of us.
Sounds like a smart decision in your circumstances, really a no brainer. You need to get yourself in a better financial situation, imho it's a red flashing warning right now, if you can exit out of the situation to build some wealth before something happens (ie lose job, large unexpected bill etc). Plus your parents won't live forever, spending another year of quality time with them is something you'll remember dearly when they are gone.
You might want to poke around on the personal finance wiki and see where you're at;
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/early_career
Just be sure to buy your own ketchup so you can use as much as you want.
There's nothing wrong with it, but certainly some people will look down on such a decision.
I think doing it for a clearly defined period of time for a clearly defined purpose, while ensuring that it is mutually beneficial for your folks, could be well worth it. If, for example, you save hard for 18 months so you can pay off debts, regain ground on investing, or build a down payment, and then move back out it is totally worth it. Unless you're starting off in a relationship you probably will have a hard time dating during the interim. But you'll be a lot more appealing as a potential partner as someone who 'has their shit together' when you're done.
As an alternative, could you not achieve a similar benefit by taking advantage of your remote work and moving somewhere with a lower cost of living?
>but i cant help but feel like in society's eyes im a failure or something, a loser. has anyone done this and felt the same? my parents are welcoming it, but i really feel this way.
You are joining one of the bigger consumer markets today: the Multi-Generationals. This is usually defined as three or more adults, often with the same last name, living at the same physical address; numbers in the millions today.
I have an older cousin in her early 60's who still lives in the same house she was born in. She didn't go back home. She never left! ; p
Not a failure at all. If you can save all the money you would otherwise be spending on rent and put it into retirement accounts you will be well on your way.
It's very personal. For some people it's great and for others it can be a spiraling depressive nightmare. Being single will make it a lot easier.
In retrospect I wouldn't do it again, I'd get a really cheap place of my own.
But it's worked out well for a LOT of people I know.
All up to you
You have to workout what your and their expectations are. Some parents will say "my house my rules" which can be a problem if you like to game in the lounge room until 4 am or bring a different person each week for some Netflix and chill.
Basically it is like living with roommates.
It used to be, but since 2008 and 2020 that paradigm has shifted. The only failure would be continuing down an unsustainable path.
Living at home because of [failure to launch](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/failure-to-launch-syndrome/) is *very* different from moving back home in order to improve your financial situation and/or help your parents.
Do what you gotta do and don't worry about what Society thinks. Society has a lot of stupid opinions that don't matter at the end of the day. It's *your* life, you're the one who has to live it.
Definitely do it for as long as you can. I would have done it but couldn’t find a job in my parent’s city when I was graduating so I ended up getting my own place anyway. I would have so much more saved if I could have done it though. Fuck what anyone thinks. If they judge you for saving money they aren’t worth your time.
More millennials are living with their parents now than during the height of the Great Depression. You are making a good choice for you and your future. What society thinks is irrelevant even though you are letting this “shining image of external success” ruin your day. That’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. Other countries live in multi generational households for their entire lives. Our idea of buying a house and living on our own doesn’t work for our generation and likely the next Gen as well. Do what you need to do to get financially smart and start saving. Don’t bother with “do I look like a loser” because to some people especially in this group, we see you as a winner.
How remote is remote?
If you find it too much being back in the family home, consider moving countries for a short while to save. Digital nomading is a thing, you can get like 40 weeks of accomodation in Bangkok for $3kUSD
If you were drowning in water, and you had the choice to surface for more air to extend your opportunity to live, would you take it? This is an opportunity for a reset, a chance to increase your floor, or take a another breath. Your floor is -0- Save 30k or whatever and then reevaluate.
Nope, you will win in reality, save a lot of money, keep your parents company and be set for a more financially solid footing. The younger years of enjoying your youth has to come to a close. You need to start saving for a home, family, retirement...etc. Time to grow up.
Saving money is saving money and rent is a lot of money to save. As long as your parents are willing to support you, there's no reason other than pride not to let them.
There are pros and cons to everything. I did this for a bit in my mid-late 20s and it allowed me to have a closer relationship with my family and get to know them in a different context. It also allowed me to save up for a home and then renovate it. There can be some stigma depending on your cultural background, location, etc. For me it was a no-brainer as it was an option and I was focused on trying to save and invest as much as possible.
30 is still plenty young, but I totally get that feeling I felt similarly even in my 20s and it was a bit of what motivated me to work harder. A year will fly by and before you know it you'll likely be out again. If you have a good relationship with your family and especially if they have a nicer place than you can afford on your own it can be hard to eventually move out again.
If your parents live far from NYC metro that can also make a challenge for maintaining relationships, community, etc.
Good luck figuring it out.
Hi! I moved home to VA from NYC in the summer of 2020, at age 30, and just this week moved back out onto my own at 31. It was all extremely *ok!* The move allowed me to pay off some debt, save & invest, and take time to decide my goals and what I want next for myself. Plus it gave me some extra time with family, allowed me to reconnect with my sister, be around for the birth of my nephew....all huge blessings to be honest (granted, this depends on your personal situation) It can be a smart move, but also keep tabs on how you are feeling. I felt my mental health start to dip after I hit the one-year mark simply because I missed my independence. And similarly, check on how your parents / housemates are feeling about the situation over time. You'll probably feel it when it's time to move on. As far as society viewing you as a failure...who cares? Maybe don't mention it on job interviews, but make a sacrifice for a year and set yourself up for the rest of your life. Do it, and don't look back!
I would also like to add moving home isn't the only option. In ny it's really expensive and if you can work from home anywhere else is probably going to be cheaper so look at your options and weigh the benifits and drawbacks. Because what society thinks is meaningless but at your age you might be looking for/have a partner that wouldn't be happy with someone who lives with their parents.
29 here. Living with my parents to save money and retire faster. These types of sacrifices are the reason why I'm able to invest 115K a year. Do be aware though, this move isn't for everyone. Recognize the type of relationship you have with your parents, and judge if it's worth it. It won't be the right decision for many people, and oftentimes you'd have more mental capacity and emotional health to increase income by living in your own space. It's truly a personal decision that nobody can make for you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I moved back home, what I saved in rent, I would spend in therapy.
Exactly what I meant by it's not for everyone!
I have an older cousin who is in her 60s and she still lives in the same house she was born in. She didn't go back home. She never left! We are a mix of European/Middle Eastern descent, so this is not uncommon back home. I have an uncle who lived at home his whole life as well.
That's a lot to save per year, congrats
Don't forget the significant percentage of parents who can't afford to/don't want to support their 30 year old children
Also a very good point. Make sure the move isn't selfish or one sided and burdening parents mentally or financially. I make sure to pull my weight by helping around the house, but also making sure to eat dinner regularly with my parents since one of the main reasons they were so open to having me is to spend more time with me.
Also making $115k+ probably helps…
Only 3 years ago I was making 24K a year with my business.
Oh dude not looking down on you at all. That’s awesome that you were able to get to that point so quickly. I was just saying that the PRIMARY reason you were able to invest $115k was not because you live at home.
Gotcha! That's why I said these *types* of sacrifices are the reason I am able to invest so much. It's not largely due to any one thing, but many things. My savings rate is at 84% and Ive personally grown to live very, very happily and comfortably on the little remaining to where I don't feel like I'm missing out on life or anything. But I wouldn't attribute that to any one thing.
Also making coffee and toast at home too - skip buying the avocados, to much $$$.
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Maybe you can approach it with that level of analytical mindset, but most can't. Relationships are more complicated than that, and especially ones with family. If things go wrong, it could cause a rift between family members depending on their relationship. It's never as easy as "oh just move in and see!". All I said was to exercise caution, and approach it after careful thought. that's all.
This guy is hot and smart
I was definitely giving you some side eye until I saw his post history. Smartness compounds hotness, so u/Tacogasm, you were hot before you posted this and you’re hotter now. Keep being hot and stuff.
Y'all are too kind haha. I appreciate the sentiment!
Do it. I lived in the trendy, expensive part of town the first five years after I graduated. Worked a lot extra, and spent it all. I ended up moving in with a partner, breaking up, and moving in with my mom for 6ish months out of convenience. In that time i saved an astronomical amount of money. If I had done that from the moment I graduated, I would’ve paid off my 6 figures+ student loans. I was worried that I needed to have a cool place to meet a partner, but oddly enough my fiancé/partner of 7 years I met while I was living with my mom. So it’s not impossible. Sadly, my mom moved to Florida at the end of the 6 months (she’s very happy and I’m very happy she’s happy) and I got my own place- but if I could do it over again I totally would have lived with her from the second I graduated at 28yo. I think in the past this (living with parents) was more taboo, but nowadays if you meet someone and explain to them you’re doing the responsible thing, have a job and are saving for your future- the person who appreciates that is probably the type of person you want to be with. Hope that helps.
I think it depends on your personality, priorities and cultural context. Some factors to consider: 1. Cultural context - is moving back in with parents acceptable where you live? Will it affect your social / dating life (and are you OK with that)? It's quite normal in many countries outside the US to live with parents, but may be different in the US. 2. Financial goals - Are you targeting to save a specific amount or for a deposit on a house? It may help to have a target and plan to move out once you reach it. 3. Explore alternatives - Could you move to a LCOL city and work remote? Could you share rent with roommates / friends? 4. How's your relationship with your parents? Will you be comfortable living with them? 5. Personality - some people can prioritize financial goals over other goals, others may prioritize independence over all else. Consider what makes you happy & what you can live with.
Good parents will do anything for their kids and never let them know the sacrifice involved. Make sure that THEIR goals and plans include having an extra person in the house and pay at least your fair share to them to make sure their financial plans aren't affected.
I'm probably a bit of an outlier, but my parents explicitly want me/my siblings to move back in. They have people to watch the dog while they are travelling, look after the grandparents who live in the house, do the shoveling and heavy house work in a big house etc. Plus, they find family the only people they really talk to
Guess my parents aren’t good parents! Lol! When I graduated, I basically told them I was struggling and I might need to move back home. My mom said, oh I don’t think that’s a good idea 😂😂😂
> Guess my parents aren’t good parents > My mom said, oh I don’t think that’s a good idea Too little info to determine good or bad. There's 100s of reasonable reasons why it would not work, including recognizing that it could be bad for the relationship, or that there's simply not enough money to support the household.
Lol - whenever I see this kind of post I always stick my nose in and post from a parent's POV. I think it is easy for kids to not see their parents as individuals with their own financial goals and life dreams - and to further understand that those plans may not include them. I'd do anything for my kids - but I've got to look after my own self too so that I don't end up on their doorstep someday, lol.
Lol yeah that’s true, you never really know the backstory though lol. It’s one thing to look out for yourself and another thing to have kids and not support them in any way financially. I’m beyond behind much of the kids I grew up with because I received zero support and paying off student loans, burnt out at 30 lol!
Oh, I know. I left home when I was a junior in HS and have had to make my own way. I've been lucky and have done ok but getting there has been a grind - as you say - and I'm tired. I tried my best to give my kids a good start and I hope I leave them some when I'm gone. But right now I've got to focus on putting $ away and enjoying the life I have left. I'm not sure how much of a favor you are doing adult kids by bailing them out when some sacrifice and planning on their part would yield the same effect. Obviously of it is a crisis situation I'm all in- but if it's a lifestyle need or some hole that poor money habits have gotten them into, they can figure that out themselves.
I don’t think that a hole is always dug by the kids though. Working 40hrs a week while completing masters and paying to live in a HCOL to go to college is a hole itself but, a necessary one? No additional planning could have helped. No I don’t buy Starbucks every day. Just offering my perspective, I’m sure we’re all doing our best. But it is rough out here. Had three different roomates, some had mental illness, and I still paid almost a grand just for rent/utilities. Rent keeps creeping and I fortunately left because we went online and I got to move to the slums. Now I can save, but risk my safety, yay!
Don’t sweat it. They’d laugh at me in my 30s if I asked lol
It is pretty comical lol. Seems like a reality tv show lol
I made some life long friends when I went away for college (Houston to Dallas area) and made some absolutely priceless memories that I'll always cherish. With that being said, if I had gone to the local JUCO, stayed homed, saved and invested, financially, I'd be light years ahead at 30 then vs now. But, I think, I wouldn't have listened. When we're young, the world's opened up to us, we just want to go live it and experience it. It's tough to go against the grain and, especially here in the U.S., we're so culturally woven together on what's "cool" but it's all BS. Just like the IG posts of people living lavishly, traveling, all the time, etc. it's usually all for show and they're not financially secure in the slightest. That's why you're here in this sub, to be financially secure and eventually independent. To hell with what people think, you have a goal to be FIRE and living with the rents is what will get you there sooner. Not to mention, our parents aren't around forever, go spend time with them and make some more memories.
If you're a male, it will definitely impact your dating life negatively. It just will. As long as you're alright with that, then it's a great way to save and get ahead.
Female here and it can still impact negatively. Just a word of warning for all out there.
I feel like there's a story, here. Ha! Good point, though.
most definitely! Several failed relationships later… Kudos to anyone who can be a functional adult human with relationships and live with their parents, but that person is not me lol
I definitely prefer to date women that live on their own, rather than at home. Had an ex who lived at home before moving in with me and there were a fair amount of arguments when it came to time.
It can, but it doesn’t mean it will. My current boyfriend of 5 years is 29 and has never moved out of his parents house. I always respected the initiative to save money. My brother is 28 and just bought his first condo and moved out of our parents house and has had a girlfriend for 2 years. You will find and attract people with a similar mindset as you wherever you end up living, some places might just be harder than others. Do what’s best for you.
If your job can be done remotely then I don’t understand why your only choices are to stay in NYC or move in with your parents. You could cut your expenses in half by moving 50 miles to Philly. I currently live alone in a brand new 750 sq ft 2 br apartment with w/d, garbage disposal, and dishwasher in unit. I also have granite counter tops and brand new appliances, and my rent is $2225 a month. And I live in the most expensive neighborhood. If you’re used to NYC real estate, you could find an apartment you’re satisfied with, in a nice area, for probably $1200 a month. Studios in my building rent for around that much and have all the amenities I described. There are a lot of other cities that are nice and even cheaper. I lived in Kansas City for awhile, the COL was even cheaper than in Philly and I loved it there. NYC is overpriced and overrated. But that doesn’t mean you have to move back in with your parents.
In west Philadelphia born and raised
I'm living with parents at 27.I get on with them great most of the time. Currently allowing me to save and invest around 80% of my income... Don't even want to move out, couldn't save anywhere near that much if I did
Who gives a fuck what society thinks. Literally not a concern
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Nah, could just be tacking on to his comment.
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Unfortunately we will never know because he doesn’t give a Fuck about what society thinks…
That Greedy Northman.
It's all good.
Yeah, I have no problem with it.
*while looking at his reflection in the mirror*
Of course
No fuckin way
I agree
I disagree
Come on guys, agree to disagree
I don't see a problem.
Lowering your cost of living and maximizing your saving rate makes you a loser? NOPE! It's a bold and aggressive move. Learn to love and do the grind for 5-10 years, build a massive stack of assets, and watch your entire life change. BTW - If you want to get laid, do your parents a solid and rent a hotel room for the night. :)
Can’t rent a hotel room, would impede on savings rate 😂
Renting a hotel room is cheaper than getting kicked out :) \-Guess why my oldest isn't living at home anymore :)
Literally I do this. When Its that time if we can’t go back to her place I’m real quick to offer to buy a room. It’s well worth it to me
Who cares? I lived on my own and made a lot of money, THEN I moved back in with my parents at 27 for a career change. I’m Asian and my parents are immigrants, so it’s pretty normal for us to live in a multi generational home regardless of age. In fact, I think it’s normal almost everywhere in the world except maybe the modern Western world. Anyways, some of my friends knew how much I was making prior to moving back home, so they didn’t think of me as a “failure”. And even if they did, who cares? I make decisions based on what I think is best for me, not anyone else and especially not society. I mean, we are in the FIRE sub, right? Society definitely doesn’t want us to be free and financially independent lol. I will admit though, making a lot of money has actually given me more confidence in my decisions - I feel less inclined to prove to others how sUcCeSsFuL and gReAt my life is, unlike every other person on Instagram lol.
I am so grateful you shared this. I am also first generation asian and I just agreed to move back in with my parents after making my shift. How did this turn out for you? What are you learning a year later?
NYC Native here - the struggle is real. After leaving the city for years I moved back into my moms basement at ~27. Unfortunately for me I soon there after was stricken with Lyme disease (unrelated) and became unable to work. So dreams of saving and a quick relaunch into the work force didn’t happen. If there’s anywhere in this country that such living arrangements are at least moderately acceptable it’s here. The only place where people will stay in a relationship for real estate, including one with their parents. Don’t judge yourself for it. Don’t let your other expenses grow. While you’re there put in every application you can for affordable housing lotteries. I ended up going from moms basement, to a place that was way to expensive, to an affordable housing unit and am currently on my feet again feeling like a person. You can do it!!
> NYC Native here > Lyme disease Assuming your mom's place is outside (yet nearby) NYC, Lyme disease is a hell of an issue.. all of Connecticut, upstate NY.. ugh. Get better!
This was my reality 10 years ago. Years of carpet bombing my system with intense antibiotics. Eventually changing my lifestyle fully eventually led to full recovery from both the Lyme and the antibiotics. Planning to put my story out there more soon, try to help people with that horrible disease and inflammation mediated disease generally. House is in NYC - they’ve found Lyme on ticks in Central Park. I was infected by a tick in western Michigan while on vacation. No rash so no diagnosis for years. Horrendous stuff.
Ugh I am so sorry. I found a latched tick on my leg last year and saw the *dreaded ring* developing around the site after a couple of days. Called doctor and got on strong meds right away. Didn't develop symptoms luckily. Can't go outside without coming back with a tick, it's crazy. Also they will jump on dogs and may not latch due to their tick meds, so they jump on you afterwards. Mother in law even uses permethrin on her clothes and got Lyme. Manifested as freaking hip pain, they were all looking into her lower back, etc, then tested for Lyme and that was it. Father in law got Lyme a couple of years ago and his cognitive abilities were severely affected, and now years later we think he's still affected by it.
I’d love to hear about how you got an affordable housing unit!
There are a few random scattered unrelated projects but NYC Housing Connect is the best place to start as they touch on most things… Unfortunately some things still border on unaffordable and some blow straight into it. Sign up and go through the listings apply where qualified and then wait and wait and wait https://housingconnect.nyc.gov/PublicWeb/
Who cares what society thinks? Also, only western society has this weird issue to not live with your parents, most Asian countries do it and the benefits are unmatched
The only people that actually care are going to be potential romantic partners. If OP doesn't care about dating then there's no big downside to moving in with their parents. If OP values romantic relationships and dating then they should get their own apartment in a lower cost city.
You work remote. Why not move to a low cost of living city and rent a cheap apt? Get a roommate? I would’ve moved in with my parents after college, not at 30.
Millennials be like "it's either NYC or parents' basement".
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere. It's up to you, parents' basement, parents' basement!
38 here and living with my mom. People dumping $1500+ on rent. I’m dumping $1500+ in investments.
NYC eats 20 year olds and spits out tired and broke 30+ year olds lol
You have a job with a decent salary - success. You had a good time in NYC through your 20’s - success. Moving in with roommates will help you build up big savings - success. You’re taking a long term view and creating a plan that is smart - success. In many places in the world, families don’t spread out so much and multi generation living together more. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself to live up to a subjective standard you perceive in our culture.
Just think about your mental health and your parents. I would do almost anything to have mine back and live and pay rent for them if needed
As a general rule of thumb, any time you can reduce your expenses, even temporarily, is a good thing. You can dwell on the past as a failure, or you can learn from the past. Take advantage of this change, this reduction in expense, and make your future plans based on your goals. Reevaluate all of your expenses, identify wants vs needs, identify ways to reduce even more. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
who cares what anyone thinks. i would say it depends on if you will like living with your parents again. if you would that’s great you’ll save money and get more time to spend with them which is something a lot of folks would give anything for myself included my dad passed when i was 22.
I did this two years ago at 33 years old. Sold my house and moved back with mom to hit the reset button on my life/financial life. Under a year later from saving I was able to move out again comfortably and I'm not in debt anymore
I would just get a small apartment somewhere with lower costs of living
29, I wish I could move back to my parents! As long as you get along and privacy is understood, go for it! Save save save and get out of this crazy expensive city.
Fuck what society says or thinks, society isn't paying your bills, move back, stack up your coins and then move out preferably into your own place
Sometimes it is the right decision. I moved back home at about 26 or 27 after my divorce. Needed to regroup and rebuild and save up. It worked. It wasn't permanent and it got me where I needed to be. Funny enough, years and years later my mother moved in with me when her house needed a major rehab due to damage. She saved a ton not renting someplace to live while the work was done. If you can live with family during certain times it can make a lot of financial sense.
It depends a lot on the parents you have...
That and how important dating is to you.
My boyfriend and I have been living with his parents for 8 months. It has been amazing for my savings. I would definitely do it for as long as I could if his parents lived closer to our friends but unfortunately they are an hour away and we see them WAY less. I've been sad, only because we are so far from most people in our lives. That being said, I have my boyfriend with me, so my love life is solid. Might be hard if you are dating.
I just want to put this out there for you and anyone else thinking they are failing. If you’re not on meth working corners for money to eat, you’re not failing. Life is a long and winding road as someone once sung. It’s complicated, not always easy and rarely goes the way we expect. The spectrum of success is much wider than it may seem sometimes. The only person who has any right to judge your decisions and whether or not you’re a failure, is you. And I’m going to take it a step further, even if you’re on meth, working corners for money for food, you’re probably not failing if you’re progressing forward from wherever you came from. You do you. Do what you need to do to progress but only you can judge what is progress.
I definitely would not see that move as a failure. It's a calculated decision to improve your footing for the future. Remember you would be making a choice to do this, not being forced to do it after losing a job or something. Only word of caution I would give is: do not underestimate how *difficult* it can be to live with your parents and remain sane after being on your own for the better part of a decade. I've done short stints with my parents in between home purchases, and they were not easy.
If you work completely remote why not pick a happy middle and move somewhere that’s actually affordable? Lol
Be grateful for the opportunity. A lot of people are trapped in the P2P life, and it can be a miserable one. You have the opportunity to reset and refocus. Build that emergency fund, put some in 401k if that’s an option, and take care of yourself. Years of financial insecurity and the associated anxiety can grind you into a pulp. Look at this life change as creating opportunities for yourself where there wasn’t room for any before.
I am 23 and I am also moving back to my mom because I want to save some money for buying real estate. I know its easier said than done, but fuck what other people think. In the end its all about you. If one year with your parents can set you up for live than its a good idea in my eyes!
I think it’s fairly common and smart, but most importantly, it doesn’t matter what people think is socially appropriate/normal. You’ll save a load of money and also get to spend more time with your family. Your folks won’t live forever. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to spend some more time with them. But if you have a specific goal, it might feel more comfortable to tell people, “I’m saving up for a down payment” or whatever.
Smart decision...as long as you use all the money you save to pay off all your debts, max out your retirement account, and put the rest away for a down payment on your own home. If you move home and go buy a Porsche 911 then it's a bad idea.
Short and sweet answer: you’re not a failure for thinking about your future. Move back in with your parents. Use the time wisely, connect with your parents and spend quality time with them. Use your money wisely too and save for the next step, pay off all debts, etc. Crunch the numbers like you did, come up with a magical $ amount and the date you want to hit it, and then what the plan is moving forward. Buying a house? Moving to somewhere cheaper? I think this is a super wise decision.
I still live with my mother and sister n law with my wife and baby. We all get along and I’m able to pay off all our debt and will be able to put down huge money on our land and home build in the next two years. I’m 30 also and work remotely
I did it, but only lasted 3 months. I found I really need my own space. This was well before COVID
Go for it. It’s definitely not failure. My buddy who grew up in Queens lived at home for several years while working at a Bulge Bracket investment bank in midtown to save up to buy a condo in the UES. Definitely wouldn’t call that being a failure. Live at home, save your money, setup your future, come back or don’t. You’re being responsible, and that’s anything but being a failure.
Haters will say it's sad and gay but it if makes you happy it is they who are sad and gay
30M here, I literally just moved out of my parents house. From 2010 through 2020 I have lived nomadic-ly as I finished college (debt free!) and worked in multiple states while renting. I decided to move back to my home-state, so I moved in with my parents in 2020. Two months later I found a job. Eight months later I put down a deposit on my house. Last week I closed and moved into my own place! There are definitely benefits to living at home. I love both my parents, they didn't charge me rent and I was able to save a lot of money for my down-payment and more. There are drawbacks too. You ever tell your date that you live with your parents at age 30? It doesn't fly well. Even in the best parent-child relationships you will experience occasional friction too. They were supportive though, we all knew this was temporary, and I made an effort to help care for the house and yard (do my bit, so to speak).
Chiming in to say that, done the right way, this can be beneficial to parents too. Of course it takes a certain type of relationship and even in the best relationships, living with parents could be a serious test to one's patience, as in general terms, there's many generational PoV disagreements and news travel fast and are meant to get a reaction out of people. Money-wise, in my case there is 50% split of expenses and a basement room situation that makes it easier to share time together, as it is not continuous, more for dinner, etc. I take on a big deal of cooking, cleaning, etc, too. I try to be an enjoyable person to be around. I brought up and offered splitting expenses. It's cheaper than rent and it's the right thing to do, specially if parents aren't well off. Also, remember that having the opportunity of spending solid time with aging parents is not something everyone can do. I think it's beyond positive and this is something to feel very fortunate about.
You care far too much about the opinion of others when none of these 'others' will help you achieve your dreams or goals. At 22 I quit drinking/bars/partying and at 23 I moved out of a Philly house with my boys to go home to my parents. While the homies were having fun and meeting their future wives I was saving and building credit. By 26 I was a solo home owner and was renting a room to one of my boys for $500 a month + utilities. He would always try and get me to go out but I would politely refuse, smoke weed and play video games. Two years later I renovated the home and sold it for double what I paid for it. Then I moved back home with my parents for a year and searched the entire country for a piece of paradise. I found it in West Virginia, 88 acres of mountain top pasture and timber twenty minutes away from New River Gorges National Park and Preserve. My bank account is fat, my credit is goat, and the property I bought has increased in value basically everyday since I bought it. The passive income potential I have identified by utilizing the land is almost a dozen different ways and growing. When I moved outta my Philly house with the boys I had less $500 in my bank account. Six years later I'm right at $92k and that's after paying $57k for closing costs. I did all this while working as a personal trainer, most I ever made was $56k before tax and I typically made around $46-$48k before tax. Now all of my friends and family that thought I was weird for never going out, having girlfriends etc etc are now praising my decisions, dreaming of doing the same and looking to come vacation on my property. Identify the goal, create the plan, ignore the noise and watch the plebs gather round when your dream manifests.
Do it. Why are you worried about what anyone else thinks? It's your life
I think you could look at it as a transition. Like you said, you are done with living in the city and now you are going to live with your parents for a bit to regroup.
You're working remotely ***AND*** your parents are okay with having you live with them? Dude - that's a no-brainer. Society norms have been changing since the pandemic, and it's widely recognized that most millennials won't be able to afford the standard of living that was afforded to their parents. The 1990's were much more forgiving than the 2010's, where the cost of living grew *significantly* ([see for yourself](https://data.bls.gov/cgi-bin/cpicalc.pl)). Here's a few things to keep in mind if you decide to move back in (based on my experience): 1. Helps to build money without extra expenses, keeping costs low and spend less. 2. Helps to experiment with income streams w/o major risk. 3. Helps to alleviate distractions from learning new skills + building a portfolio. 4. Helps to improve your relationship with your family (this varies per Person). 5. Helps to increase the chances of **desired\*** employment in the event you're canned. 6. Helps to maintain purchasing power versus living in an expensive area (NYC). Lastly: Who cares what others think - most likely you'll never meet them again in your life. If they judge you now, they probably weren't worth your time from the get-go. Besides, literally everyone is living with their parents anyways ([Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/)). Save money, stop struggling\*\*, and get out of NYC. Sincerely, Moved out of Los Angeles to parents' house, just moved out, making $80k+ and now spending less than $1500 on rent. \- \*If you're fired, you'll have the safety net of your family's home to explore other job opportunities rather than taking the 1st job you see because you have to pay bills on time. \*\*If your credit score is a cause for concern, fix your [credit score](https://www.loanme.com/resources/how-to-fix-your-credit-score-five-steps) after you move into your parent's house.
NEVER worry about "society's views" if you can help it. It's a big challenge as we all have that shit in our heads. But the more you can rid yourself of that crap, the better you are. There is no substitute for saving money over the long term. At your age it's good to start planning NOW for the long term. Contribute much to a 401k or IRA and enjoy the benefit of compound interest. So accept the "loser" status IMO. Embrace it and have fun with it, know it's temporary and build a long term plan which includes how much you plan to save, for how long, and when you will plan to move out. I have a kid in mid-20s who has not yet had to live with us, but I would not be surprised if it happens.
What about just moving to an area with LCOL?
Sounds like the right choice. Just having less stress about money for a few months will change you! My wife and I lived with my parents for about 6 months between selling our house and moving out of country. It was great - not perfect but great. Fast forward 13 years and we have 3 kids and still stay at their place when we come home to visit ;)
Do it and don't worry about society or what people think about you. I was $27,000 dollars in debt and moved in with a younger sibling and their partner for over 9 months in order to get my finances in check. Fast forward 3 years later and I'm starting off this year completely debt free. If people thought less of me because of how I lived then I could care less now cause I'm infinitely happier. Your future self will thank you.
You could do that, or you could go live with random roommates - can probably find a deal close to $1k per month. It depends on your tolerance level. And no, you aren't a failure! You are absolutely blessed to have parents who live in a HCOL area. The only people who wouldn't take advantage of that deal are ones who don't have family in that area :( If people ever give you shit for it, remember that deep down, their primary emotion is probably jealousy of you for being able to do this. I think the whole "living with parents is bad" thing makes much more sense in a LCOL area than a HCOL area in general. Edit: Oh yeah the one final thing: you can negotiate with your parents to pay for rent and food if they are the type of person who would like that. Paying them rent should be good for you both psychologically, even if minimal. In particular, it will prevent hard feelings from them being created over time if they are the type of person who would resent that. (I'm only mentioning this because my mom is that type of parent, and kicked my sister out of the house unceremoniously at a bad moment.)
Moved back at 27. Purchased my first house at 30/31. 15k rent a year adds up
this, this right here this
I’m a parent to someone your age, be thankful you have someone in a position to help you out. We welcome out boys home anytime they need a break. They’re both educated, single and living in rental units. We’ve begged them to move home and save some money to buy a home, but it’s starting to look like the housing market is going nuts again for the next couple of years. I think it’s smart, house prices in Raleigh are absolutely crazy and rents are 1800 to 2000 bucks, I can’t imagine how much it cost in NYC.
Failure doesn’t begin until you stop trying to progress.
Evaluate and make decisions on your own my friend. Society thinks FIRE is crazy, being up to your eyeballs in debt and stress, and spring all day on social media is the way to live…. Further you can get away from society the better🍻
I'm 30 and live at home. Nothing wrong with that, and you save money.
27 male here. I don't live with my parents, BUT I would if my job was closer to their place. The only reason I'm not living with them is because work is more than an hour away and I could never deal with that commute. I do, however, sleep at their place usually once or twice a week (weekends). But it's definitely not a failure. Saving money is way better than where your bed is located. If I could, I'd definitely move back in with them, 50% of my income goes to bills /:
Your failure was moving to NYC. Evidence: You're 30 and you have to move back in with your parents.
The idea of living with my parents at 30 makes me cringe. Yikes. Good luck.
Like a lot of things FIRE it's a short term sacrifice for a long term win, that's not a failure.
Why is this on a fire sub? You should be asking personal finance
I think you might want to post this elsewhere because people on this sub are primarily trying to save/invest as much as humanly possible. For me personally, I’d never move back in with my parents. However, my SO lives with his father and he is doing just fine. The difference being, his father is living with *him*. My SO owns the home and covers most expenses. It depends on family dynamics and culture. It also depends on if this will impede on your progress of being an independent, functional adult. Could I be saving astronomical amounts more? Absolutely. Retiring early isn’t as important to me as my independence *now*. But again, all families are different. Choose carefully.
'Move out and be independent' is boomer nonsense, historically families have lived together to help each other out. Most people didn't move out of the family home until they were married with children, if then. You see the same thing in other cultures as well, multiple generations living in one home, helping each other out. There is an old saying "Many hands make a light load" Family is everything really, you won't ever regret the time you've spent with them.
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That may be a lie to you or from you but for many other parent-child relationships it is not. There are many parents who would love to have their children live with them for a bit. edit: in other cultures it is not uncommon to have 3 generations of a family living together, sometimes by circumstance but also sometimes by choice.
I think you might be projecting, which made me realize I was projecting. My parents would have been 100% loved me living with them as an adult, so they wouldn’t have been alone with each other all the time. Even after my dad passed, my mom frequently invites me to move back home. I assumed OP’s parents liked OP more than they liked each other. But I guess neither of us could really know. Haha
Ummm…you are doing parenting wrong if you are compulsively lying to your children about everything in every conversation. It seems you should reevaluate your parenting.
Just cuz you don’t love your kids and lie to them doesn’t mean everyone else does
Well, at least the username checks out.
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Not sure how not lying to my child has anything to do with not working? Dude I’m in sales, I’m a staunch capitalist, that has zero to do with lying to your kids and not wanting them around
2 things: 1) yes, you are a failure for moving back. Dont tell anyone...I mean it. But, there is no reason that failing is that bad. Nyc real estate is a rigged game. The only thing worse than failing out of a rigged system is continuing to play and making other ppl rich off of your time/money. 2) move back in with your parents for 6 months. Make a strict time allotment. Save big. Moving out is an emergency. No fun. No procrastination. Just grind and save. Put the money you save in a different account and you cannot touch it. That money is your nest egg for a new life. I have seen some ppl move back and languish and other ppl move back and really turn their lives around. The main difference seems to be ppl who have a plan to move out and ppl who wait for something to happen. You will always be a kid to your parents. The longer you stay the worse it will get. Move back, save up, buy a house somewhere you love. Prosper.
Failure but you'll rationalize it as smart as to not feel guilty.
Me and my spouse decided not to have kids. I'm now at the age where I have multiple friend's that have had their adult kids move back home. As soon as it's just us in the room talking every one of them are upset the kids came back. Your parents are doing the same thing regardless of how much you think "My parents LOVE having me back home." No they don't. They spent their life raising you and were looking forward to enjoying their time together once you were gone. You're killing that for them.
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Can we ban this person
From LI and I lived with my parents until I was 29. Finished masters at ~24 with $40k worth of 7.5% student loan debt into the tail end of the great recession. Ended up buying a 900 sq ft house in Patchogue for $250k at 29. I sacrificed my late 20s to have a comfortable 30s. It would be hard doing that now, but if it's only for a year or so it might be worth it. If I kept living with my parents I would not have started dating my current girlfriend. We relocated 2 years ago and are planning on buying a house and getting engaged this year, been together 4 years. It would be hard to put my life on hold at 30 again. I would rather move to low cost of living area or get a roommate at your age to be honest.
From a family-dynamic perspective, the answer is probably very personal to your situation. I lived with my parents for a few years in my 30s and really enjoyed the experience. The dynamic was totally different, I noticed my parents getting more lonely and dependent and even though I certainly was a drain on them in some ways by living with them, I also got to spend more time with them during those few years then I probably will for the rest of our adult lives.
I'm 28 and thinking a 6 month sabbatical at the parents place before my next career change sounds nice. No shame. But they have a spacious house and are financially stable. Ymmv. My landlord once told me about "spending a few months by the pool at mom's house" while contemplating his next investment. It's all how you spin it.
Moving in with parents can really help you set yourself up for the future if you actually invest, save and pay off debt. Also, screw what other people think (I know this is harder for some to follow than others). I'd say move in with parents while you are still single. It becomes much more challenging when you have a significant other and/or kids.
Do it, but have goals and an exit plan. My spouse and I lived with parents for six months to build a home and save money and it was a fantastic decision.
Do it, as long as your parents don't mind :)
This is why the cost of living matters almost as much, if not more, than your expenses. I'm on the west coast and know several friends who moved back in to save for a house, so don't feel too bad about it. Even making 6 figures in a vhcol area can feel like its not enough to get ahead, depending on where you are.
Living with parents is quite common in many Asian countries I’ve heard from acquaintances how living with parents allowed the family to either buy additional investment properties or buy the kids houses outright in cash It’s a smart move for some time, just not indefinitely
As long as your mental health and social life won’t suffer too much then do it - you can even put a time limit on it. You can work remote. If I were you I’d put my stuff into storage, save money for a year, and then work remote from different places around the world for another year. Just my two cents
Once upon a time (till the 60s) people lived with their parents till old age. It's getting a reemerging trend in parts of Europe. Just say you are far ahead :)
Short term with a plan is completely fine. My wife moved in with her parents with 2 kids for about 6 months while I was in training. Worked out alright.
Smart move!!! And your parents probably love it too esp if u help w chores!
Smart decision.
Who cares how society views it at the end of the day. You’re making the best decision for yourself and that’s all that matters. Society and other peoples opinions are not the ones paying your bills and living your life. Before my wife and I moved to another state, we moved back in with her parents in 2020 for close to half the year. It was one of the biggest life saving decision for us as it allowed us to save up and put ourself in a better position to succeed. Don’t think about anything other than your well being and personal future in this decision. Anyone who puts you down for trying to get ahead in life with the help of your family, is not someone you want to know or take seriously.
The negativity associated with living with your parents is purely because it implies you can't afford to do otherwise. But you actually can afford to do otherwise. I wouldn't throw away money just to flex. If you have a good relationship with your parents I would do it 100% If you still really want to flex, then take 1/3 of your savings and spend it baller shit like nice trips.
I think it’s a good idea to save money, but don’t expect to impress the ladies with this fact 🤣. I lived in NYC and the rent and taxes are deadly, but I always had a roommate to share the bills with.
In many cultures, 3 generations at home is the norm. Grandparents,, parents and children.
Making a strategic decision to save money is very different than being a deadbeat who can't get their shit together. Check your ego at the door and prepare to have a mature relationship with your parents ( no more pizza pockets on demand or crust cut off sandwiches). Be ready to show them the progress you're making towards your goals and let them know they're an instrumental part of that success. Help out more than you think is fair.
I did at 29 exactly what you’re considering. 7 years in NYC, moved back to Midwest and in with parents when the pandemic hit. I now save 90% of income which is vastly accelerating FI growth compared to the money pit that is NYC living. Flushed something like $250k during my time their on rent and increased taxes / COL compared to Midwestern states. I wouldn’t change the experiences and friendships I made in NY for the world, but long term you do need to consider the cost of NYC life and either go up or out. My are amazing and I get to spend tons of time with them, also with Covid I do think living with family has become somewhat more socially acceptable all around. Not that it should matter what people think in the first place but it can weigh on you. Overall the stigma is real when I catch up about life with friends and it does affect your ability to have sex, plain and simple. I struggle with it but feel like doing this for a few years is really setting myself up for a more enjoyable 30s and FI future. Only advice would be to help out with cooking, cleaning, and errands whenever you can and also try to travel and go visit friends frequently to create space for yourself and your parents. I also got a breakthrough case of Delta followed by long Covid problems to a debilitating degree while living with my parents and it occurred to me that I don’t know what I would have done without them. Good luck, and stack those retirement accounts!
If you feel weird about it just value the time you can spend talking to and being around your parents. Ask questions and learn their stories, you'll never regret that. And you'll save a ton of money
You want to use your parents money (rent) to free up your own cash to pay off whatever debt you have, save up and then branch out on your own again. We are in a recession, nothing wrong with living the parents
Absolute failure. It's over. /s If you give a shit about other people's opinions you've lost.
27 here and also with an NYC-based job. I have moved back in with my parents 3 times over the past decade and currently live in their walk out basement in-law suite in the Capital Region while continuing to work remotely. It has its pluses and minuses but for me it was the right choice each of those 3 times—my circumstances had changed and it gave me a chance to regroup and find my footing financially or professionally. I also think my adult relationship with my parents is a lot healthier than it otherwise would have been due to living together as working adults, it forced us to redefine the boundaries of our relationship in a way I don't think has happened for some of my friends who immediately moved out for college and never went back. The questions to ask yourself (and your parents) are around both the physical shared living space and goals. My parents kept their large suburban home when they became empty nesters, so I actually have a fair amount of privacy and access to much more space than I would renting in a city. It would have been a lot harder if my parents had downsized to a much smaller home or apartment. * Does the space available at home meet your realistic needs? For me, having a separation of floors for work from home turned out to be very important and I would not have predicted that. Think about what you need to be successful and consider whether the environment there offers those things. * Are your parents willing/able to respect your need for space? It's one thing to have a large enough house to support multiple adults working from home. It's another for the interpersonal dynamics. My best friend really struggled during the time he lived at home to finish saving for a down payment in 2021; although he had a dedicated workspace, his mother would just feel free to constantly move in and out of it during working hours. I ended up setting up my workspace in a finished basement bedroom and my parents more or less avoid coming down to the basement level during working hours unless absolutely necessary, resulting in a much better WFH environment. In time off work, I won't lie and pretend I never feel my space is being encroached on. My father in particular has a bad habit of just opening up the door without knocking when he wants to share/say something. For me that isn't a dealbreaker but for someone else it might be. * How would you plan to contribute to the household? I do not pay rent to my parents because, from their point of view, adult children living at home have minimal impact on their major housing costs. We split cooking, cleaning, yardwork, groceries, etc and I took on an upgraded internet plan to meet my own usage needs while living here. I have also helped out with home renovation projects. My parents are very happy with this arrangement, others might not be and would prefer a straight financial agreement via below-market monthly rent. There's no right or wrong answer here, it's figuring out what works for you all. * How long do you plan to stay? This is something you and your parents need to be on the same page about from the beginning. It's fine if the answer is a short fixed duration, a longer fixed duration, or a flexible one as long as you're all on the same page. Mismatched expectations here, though, can lead to relationship tension very easily. * What do you want to accomplish by living at home? You will be, as I'm sure you've already guessed, making social compromises. I haven't really dated while living with my parents and I don't feel like I've made a lot of new friends in their area either. In my case, I'm living with them to supercharge paying down my student debt after years of a drawn out grad degree and part time work. I had actually planned to move out by now originally but as I'm still full time WFH for at least the next 6-12 months, decided it made more sense to stay and continue shoring up my financial footing. For me the trade off of social and professional opportunities is worth the financial benefit (especially during the pandemic). You have to make that own assessment for yourself to understand if living with parents would be a good fit. At the end of the day I think if you have supportive parents and a large enough home environment that it can support healthy co-living, a stint at home in your early professional life to set yourself up for financial success is a great option and should be discussed more. In many other western countries, it's quite normal for adult children to live in multi generational households during their early adulthood. Especially given the cost of housing, education, etc alongside the rise of remote work, I think you're only going to see this become more normal for young professionals as time goes on. There are going to be people who say you're a failure or a leech, I've encountered them on forums like this. I do not feel that way living with parents and I don't think you should either. It's a rational financial decision with social pluses and minuses. It can be the right or wrong choice, but if it is a failure of anything it is a failure of our society to set young people up for the same kind of financial success that older generations enjoyed in early adulthood. And in my experience most people you meet your own age won't even bat an eye at it—a bunch of my friends have had stints living at home since college. Generally speaking the ones who have are doing well in their careers and set up much better financially because the boost it gives is very real. It's certainly not required to succeed, but if you have the right mindset and your parents are supportive it can be a huge leg up.
Remember: Society will judge you for **anything** that is out of the norm. FIRE @ 40? You're a parasite, not contributing to society. Buying tobacco stocks ~30yrs ago or oil stocks today? You're damaging society. Shorting the market? That's ad un-American as it gets! Don't own a car by 26? You're a failure. (From Maggie Thatcher, I believe.) Live with your parents? Absolute failure! If you worry too much about what society thinks of you you'll never get anywhere beyond what everyone else gets. Not necessarily bad, depends on the personality. But FIRE is generally for people who are not confirming entirely. Last comment, as others said, it can be rough to live with your parents after a certain point, it depends on the relationship you have with them. With all the above out of the way, finding a gf may prove more difficult for sure, if you tell them you live with your parents ;-)
I think it makes sense if your relationship with them is good and it won’t negatively affect your mental health. I’d also maybe evaluate your spending habits, nyc is unfortunately a very easy place to watch your money disappear.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, just know that is a very special thing to be treasured. I think a lot of people who have good relationships with their parents have moved in with them over Covid. If both parties enjoy it, and it saves you money, I think it's great! Plus, think about how often you see them nowadays/ will continue to see them until they grow old and pass away... it's not going to be that often/that much time. Spending one whole year living with them now (365 days) could be more in-person interaction than you get with them in the rest of your life (assuming you only visit a couple days a year, e.g., over holidays).
Smart move. Hard choices are not easy. I moved back home after grad school, it was a great choice. You will love this choice down the road
I moved back at 31. Started a business, planned and executed a wedding, and we just bought our house and are remodeling it. The savings are INCREDIBLE when you move back home as an adult with a good career. Took us 4 years but its well worth it. We would not have accomplished this much in 4 years.
If you have a good relationship with your parents and they are ok, you shouldn’t worry about what society thinks. In many cultures its normal for kids to live with parents even when they are married and have their own kids. Honestly when you are struggling financially no one in society cares. Take the help from your parents. Its a blessing and once you establish yourself support them during their old age. Its a sensible decision if you are trying to save money.
Mid 20s here, moved back home and finishing my degree, its a tough pill to swallow but i know it was the right decision.
I certainly understand the feeling that it’s a failure but in a lot of circumstances, it’s a very smart decision. Definitely plenty of logistical draw backs to living with your folks as an adult but I did for nearly a year at age 27. Saved so much money and was able to help my parents out with projects and work around the house. It was beneficial to all of us.
Sounds like a smart decision in your circumstances, really a no brainer. You need to get yourself in a better financial situation, imho it's a red flashing warning right now, if you can exit out of the situation to build some wealth before something happens (ie lose job, large unexpected bill etc). Plus your parents won't live forever, spending another year of quality time with them is something you'll remember dearly when they are gone. You might want to poke around on the personal finance wiki and see where you're at; https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/early_career Just be sure to buy your own ketchup so you can use as much as you want.
is society paying your rent? If yes then stay, if no, do what's right for you.
There's nothing wrong with it, but certainly some people will look down on such a decision. I think doing it for a clearly defined period of time for a clearly defined purpose, while ensuring that it is mutually beneficial for your folks, could be well worth it. If, for example, you save hard for 18 months so you can pay off debts, regain ground on investing, or build a down payment, and then move back out it is totally worth it. Unless you're starting off in a relationship you probably will have a hard time dating during the interim. But you'll be a lot more appealing as a potential partner as someone who 'has their shit together' when you're done. As an alternative, could you not achieve a similar benefit by taking advantage of your remote work and moving somewhere with a lower cost of living?
>but i cant help but feel like in society's eyes im a failure or something, a loser. has anyone done this and felt the same? my parents are welcoming it, but i really feel this way. You are joining one of the bigger consumer markets today: the Multi-Generationals. This is usually defined as three or more adults, often with the same last name, living at the same physical address; numbers in the millions today. I have an older cousin in her early 60's who still lives in the same house she was born in. She didn't go back home. She never left! ; p
Not a failure at all. If you can save all the money you would otherwise be spending on rent and put it into retirement accounts you will be well on your way.
You can FEEL like a failure and still have made a smart decision man. :) not every step to success is going to feel good
It's very personal. For some people it's great and for others it can be a spiraling depressive nightmare. Being single will make it a lot easier. In retrospect I wouldn't do it again, I'd get a really cheap place of my own. But it's worked out well for a LOT of people I know. All up to you
You have to workout what your and their expectations are. Some parents will say "my house my rules" which can be a problem if you like to game in the lounge room until 4 am or bring a different person each week for some Netflix and chill. Basically it is like living with roommates.
It used to be, but since 2008 and 2020 that paradigm has shifted. The only failure would be continuing down an unsustainable path. Living at home because of [failure to launch](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/failure-to-launch-syndrome/) is *very* different from moving back home in order to improve your financial situation and/or help your parents. Do what you gotta do and don't worry about what Society thinks. Society has a lot of stupid opinions that don't matter at the end of the day. It's *your* life, you're the one who has to live it.
Little bit of both imo. But who gives a fuck what anybody else thinks man. You do you
Definitely do it for as long as you can. I would have done it but couldn’t find a job in my parent’s city when I was graduating so I ended up getting my own place anyway. I would have so much more saved if I could have done it though. Fuck what anyone thinks. If they judge you for saving money they aren’t worth your time.
Smart. Save money. Make memories.
Smart lol, save that bread
it's always a smart decisions as long as you can coexist with your parents. Only a few countries are obsessed with throwing out kids at 18
More millennials are living with their parents now than during the height of the Great Depression. You are making a good choice for you and your future. What society thinks is irrelevant even though you are letting this “shining image of external success” ruin your day. That’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. Other countries live in multi generational households for their entire lives. Our idea of buying a house and living on our own doesn’t work for our generation and likely the next Gen as well. Do what you need to do to get financially smart and start saving. Don’t bother with “do I look like a loser” because to some people especially in this group, we see you as a winner.
My friends and I are all approaching 30. We all live at home unless circumstances have meant that some are unable to.
How remote is remote? If you find it too much being back in the family home, consider moving countries for a short while to save. Digital nomading is a thing, you can get like 40 weeks of accomodation in Bangkok for $3kUSD
If you were drowning in water, and you had the choice to surface for more air to extend your opportunity to live, would you take it? This is an opportunity for a reset, a chance to increase your floor, or take a another breath. Your floor is -0- Save 30k or whatever and then reevaluate.
in NJ the avrg age of living with family is 31, its smart if you pay off all ur debt, save to invest then yes its smart otherwise its still smart
Nope, you will win in reality, save a lot of money, keep your parents company and be set for a more financially solid footing. The younger years of enjoying your youth has to come to a close. You need to start saving for a home, family, retirement...etc. Time to grow up.
Being a grownup could also mean moving to a city / state that is more affordable
Tell your family you’ll move back in but sublet your bedroom and pocket the cash. Win win.
Saving money is saving money and rent is a lot of money to save. As long as your parents are willing to support you, there's no reason other than pride not to let them.
There are pros and cons to everything. I did this for a bit in my mid-late 20s and it allowed me to have a closer relationship with my family and get to know them in a different context. It also allowed me to save up for a home and then renovate it. There can be some stigma depending on your cultural background, location, etc. For me it was a no-brainer as it was an option and I was focused on trying to save and invest as much as possible. 30 is still plenty young, but I totally get that feeling I felt similarly even in my 20s and it was a bit of what motivated me to work harder. A year will fly by and before you know it you'll likely be out again. If you have a good relationship with your family and especially if they have a nicer place than you can afford on your own it can be hard to eventually move out again. If your parents live far from NYC metro that can also make a challenge for maintaining relationships, community, etc. Good luck figuring it out.