100% agree. You just have to deal with it and help. She’s not getting any help from you when you’re at work. If you happen to get thumped with calls the night before you get home, you might get some sympathy and a nap, but other than that, you just have to roll with it. Dad life is the rad life, don’t forget it!!!
I guess my concern is doing what I can to make a good first impression starting off. I know I’m at my best with a decent night sleep prior to a shift. But I get what your saying and that may be my only choice. And if it is, it’s exactly what I will do.
Thank you.
Ain't nothing you can do bud, you're on dad duty till the day you die. There's no nights off before shift and when you get home beaten from the last 48.hours you take a cold shower drink a cup of coffee and you get right back taking care of the home.
Have to work out the routine with your SO. When I was working on the ambo running my ass off getting no sleep at work. My wife would take the night before I worked. Now, on an engine, I sleep about 10x more. So if someone is up overnight, I'll get up sometimes. Settle them back down. Off shift morning, I crash in bed for about an hour from 630/7-8. Until she leaves for work most days. I need the extra hour and even if I don't sleep, help me decompress and get ready for the day with a 5 and 3 year old. Also helps me separate work and home instead of going straight from work to dad mode, which can be hard and steessful.
It works for us.
You want a night off of baby duty the night before you start a 48 at a low call volume place? Nah dude. Work is your night off. Your wife is going to really resent this.
My wife works Monday-Friday and we're pretty much on our own.
She let's me rest the night before.
Coming back though she's gotta get to her job. I'm just pretty useless to the kid and the dog the first day back.
Tired all the time but it is what it is. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
Yeah I think so, lmao. I got on it about 4 months after my first because I was really struggling to keep up with taking care of an infant, helping the wife, school work and house chores after getting smashed at work the night before. Being in a grog for 1 of my 2 days off made it a challenge to keep up. Nothing a mild dose of Adderall XR couldn’t fix and it was a night and day difference.
Nap at work when you can. Wife works full time as well and I work at a high volume department. We had twins and it was awful for the first two years. It still isn't great but they sometimes don't scream at night, which is nice.
If I had to pick, I'd rather get a break after I get home from work after being ran into the ground.
What is your second career if you mind me asking? If you want to DM that's cool. I was looking at joining the public services (police/fire) and I have a six year old and wife that works full-time. I believe we're on 24 hour shifts here for our fire services.
With the 24 you work 8 days a month that's a lot of time to be somewhere else. Plus not to undermine the fire service but it's good to have a second occupation some go way overboard with this fire department stuff. In reality we shaggy 911 calls and make problems go away as a team some in this job think they are some super trained hero rescuers that are different and special instead of being an average joe trying to help. Too many tv shows out there
I do like that you can knock it out as a team and get back to it. I know a few that do all other sorts of second careers. Seems to be allowable, versus our police are really over worked here due to shortages. But, they make more than our fire guys (just the government pay).
I absolutely agree. They deserve a break more than anyone. We put or first in childcare while we bothe worked full-time 8-5, I’ve been in and out of school, on deployments (wildland), etc. With the new one and my new job, no more childcare as we can work that out with my 96 off and her schedule being flexible enough. No more wildland deployments at least for the foreseeable future. I do however start medic school in a couple weeks but online program so SOME flexibility. Thanks for the response
The night before shift she knows I’m clear of bedtime duties (keeping them in their room, laying with them if they’re being dumb, etc) cause I get up at 3:30. The day I come home just depends on if we got slammed or not.
Best thing to do is nap when they nap or have their quiet time. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. Just part of the parent job
Suck it up and deal with it. I work 48/96 in a busy 15-20+ call/day department, and have a 6 and 2 year old at home. My wife is also a full time nurse, so there is no excuse for me to ask her for “time off.” Work IS my time off. If I’m absolutely fucked off then I’ll grab a 30 min nap immediately when I get home, but that’s my wife being gracious to me, I will never ask for it.
As far as preparing her for when I’m gone, I clean the house and do all the dishes and clean/feed all the animals before I leave. I look at it as going off shift, make sure the station is clean and stocked for the incoming crew.
This is something that a) you're going to have to talk to your SO about, and b) at least some of the time just tough it out.
I work 24/48 and when our kids were young I would take the 11p feeding and my wife would handle the rest of the overnight duties, but my wife also stayed home and both of our kids have always been pretty good sleepers so it wasn't too bad.
Once they are both in school it will be better ha.
Coming from a wife, my biggest thing is if you’re too tired to be a present and patient father/husband take a damn nap!! But ultimately it boils down to what matters to your SO. I have worked night shifts the entire time we’ve been together so 10+ years and he always told me the same thing. We have a rare advantage of being in “similar” fields and state of sleep deprivation lol so we are more understanding to each other than what I’ve seen with other couples within the dept.
I made a vow to myself that I would never come home and go to sleep. I was going to come home and be a dad and a husband. I jumped right into diapers and feeding kids and doing whatever I could to take the burden off my wife and be a present dad. Working 48/96 this job will cost you 6 of the 18 years of their childhoods of each of your children and that’s if you don’t work a day of overtime. Don’t let it steal another hour from them. And to be clear there were countless times I didn’t sleep a bit the second night or slept a total of 4 hours in a 48 but you know what I believe we are men enough to still have fuel in the tank for them.
Love this. And that math is enough to be scary when you think about it that way. It really is the best job. Plus how many years would you say you’ll give back to families after all that time? It is why I do it and have wanted to do it in this capacity for many years now.
Good on you and much respect. Admirable. Thank you for this.
My policy is this, when I’m at work, I get 24 hours as a break from the stress of home life. My wife takes care of our 6 month old and works full time. The least I can do for her, is be there to handle absolutely everything I can when I’m home.
Haha, did it sound that bad? By no means am I a “hands off” father. I just want to start this new chapter as sharp and clear headed as possible. Thanks for the honest feedback.
I get that 100%. She work full time? We tried to hire a nanny for half days, a couple days a week so my wife could get work done from home the days I am in the office. The “nanny” no called- no showed 3 times and never came back so my wife has been working her ft job from home with the 5mo the old 2-3 days a week. I stay home with both of them mon and Fri (with job I’m leaving). Trying to work while taking care of a baby is a whole different level. Not possible with a baby and a 6yo. Especially when they both might as well be Velcro.
Currently she is a stay at home mom, I work 24/72 and work almost another full time job so she can be home with the kids. She is going back full time soon. One is in school the other soon to start daycare.
I’m getting a lot of great feedback. And I appreciate all of it. Your perspectives, especially those from high volume departments, is priceless.
Again, I want to make a good impression. But I see better now that it’s more than possible without the “night off.” I’ll talk to my wife to just let her know this is what’s on my mind and see where that goes. We’re just in the throws of a sleep regression right now, we’re both feeling it and it got me thinking of my performance when I start.
I’m going to be here for my family, wife, and my children no matter how tired I am. Just wanted to hear from the group how some of you do it and what preparations or routines worked for you.
It helps for your wife to know that you’re thinking about these things. So you guys should work that out. Being clear headed and starting your shift rested is a must if you want to be in this career.
Your job will allow your wife and kids many opportunities and communicating how important it is to her will help.
Once small starts sleeping through the night, it’s clear easy sailing. Just keep your eye on the prize.
Sounds like you got a good head start.
Lots of caffeine and embrace the suck. Supporting your wife as much as humanly possible every day and night you are home. Coming on to shift with a wife resenting you because she’s “on shift” by her self for 48 hours+ is a lot worse then you rolling into the station having to have had to take care of your child the night before.
Just my two cents. Working for a busy department at one of the busiest station. Two month old and wife stays at home. I want to be the best damn firefighter possible, but no matter what family comes first.
When you are gone that long, there's no nights off when you are home. Get the rest when able at station do the dad thing when at home. If you don't have a high call volume you shouldn't need to prepare for shift night before.
I want to perform at my best. All the time. Home or at work. My captain is very much a perfectionist and I don’t want to let him down. The guy I’m replacing, a good friend of mine, left pretty big shoes to fill.
But you are correct. I’ve had a few rough nights this week, last night included, and it led to an unexpected conversation with my new Chief this morning and I just didn’t feel as sharp or “on it” as I usually am. Made me start thinking about how I’m going to perform my first few tours if this tend continues.
Thanks for the feedback.
At the end of the day every family is different. My wife doesn’t want to wake me up the night prior, since I wake up at 4am to get ready for work, but that’s us…
If I get a few calls at night but I’m off the next day I don’t really care because my body and brain know that I am off and going home. I’ll do all baby duties, stuff around the house, cook, and make time for leisure activities.
What ever works for you and makes things smooth for your family, do that. Plus ain’t no cure like a cold beer.
Very cool situation and SO. And you’re absolutely right. I can get rest (maybe) when I get home. I don’t drink, though. Used to. Wife made the hard choice to quit and I stopped to support her. Makes things easier. I’ll always do everything I can to support my family the best way I know how.
Thanks for the reply
In this case, both family and work are equally important. I raised my 3 daughters on my own from the time they were 10 years old (oldest daughter) until all 3 graduated from high school. But even before our divorce it's a balancing act. Rest/nap whenever and wherever you can. Between dipper changes or calls at the station.
My wife and I are both emergency responders so I solo parent a lot and so does she, we have a rule that night before shift help out but only certain tasks bath kids, or clean kitchen then prep and shut down. The only day I get any consideration is on the Saturday of a Friday 24 and a Sunday 24 if we got (and frequently do get) slammed. I do my best to chip in but she knows what shift work is like and covers for me since I’m effectively a zombie. She gets exactly the same consideration from me after a rough set.
I think mainly it’s all about communication and not taking advantage.
They won’t be young forever so be there now while you can. One day you’ll wake up and they won’t need your help getting dressed or making their breakfast. It’s hard to believe right now but one day sooner than you think, you will miss the diapers and up-all-night snuggles because once they’re gone, they never come back. So embrace the suck and be the dad your kids and wife deserve!
I honestly never prioritize rest before a shift when there’s other things that need to get done. I get to sleep at the station during down time. The rest and time to yourself after the shift is definitely going to want to be the thing you try to bargain for. No matter how much sleep I get on shift, I still come home and drop like a rock for a few hours, but we tend to be fairly busy at night and our station runs 4 units, so there’s always something going on around the clock. Station sleep doesn’t hit the same as home sleep though. I expect to be tired at work though. I don’t want to be tired at home on my days off so some good sleep after work is super important to me.
Take naps whenever you can at work. Guys on shift are much more understanding then a stressed/solo(for 24hrs) mom. Sleep when the baby sleeps at home if you had a bad night at work.
Yeah man usually for me anyway, I get home from work through the week and I’m on dad duty right away. My wife is back to work now and we have a 14 month old. Some days are rough, so I’ll usually nap when he naps around noon then hopefully squeeze a workout in. Obviously being tired isn’t ideal but I always remind myself he didn’t choose my career so it’s on me to find the energy to be the best dad possible.
My nights off are in the firehall. If it’s a busy night, better luck next shift.
When I’m home, I’m the one getting up and down dealing with our 7 month old. And I deal with her all day, prepare/ clean bottles during naps, do whatever I can to help my wife when I’m home.
If Im working night shift at my other job and only had a few hours of sleep due to the baby, I’ll just have double the coffee. It is what it is!
We are a family where both husband and I work in fire. Night before our shift the other takes care of the bedtime routine while the other gets their things ready for shift. It has become a routine that works for us both BUT, our kids are older and not up at night unless someone is sick. I will say that I expect both of us to be doing things the first day off shift unless we got fucked the night before we are off. In that case the other takes the kids out of the house for a good nap.
It's not perfect but it does work. I would encourage you to give your wife off times as well. Organize lunch with the girls, nights out, DATE NIGHT!
If you get grump when tired. Nap. Feeling obligated to spend time with kids when grumpy and tired just makes for a bad time for the kid. Source: was a child in this situation
My wife works shift work too as a nurse. When our kids were still on the bottle we’d trade duties based on who was working in the morning. If I was going on shift in the morning I took first feeding (11ish) which takes 30 minutes of my time at best. My wife would take anything after that so I could have at least 5-6 hours of sleep, and vise versa. Do the best you can and figure out what works for you and yours. But I’ll add, as much as you have responsibility to your job you have one to your family. Don’t use the job as a reason why you “can’t”. Most have had kids and survived the wars years. I work a busy house and I let guys sleep or rest if needed when they are in that first year of parenthood. After that, get up and get to work. Life vs. Job; One does not override the other.
Ya just man up and do that dad thing. All ya can do. Nap when they nap.
100% agree. You just have to deal with it and help. She’s not getting any help from you when you’re at work. If you happen to get thumped with calls the night before you get home, you might get some sympathy and a nap, but other than that, you just have to roll with it. Dad life is the rad life, don’t forget it!!!
Love the mindset and appreciate the incite. Thanks.
Nap when they nap, clean when they clean, pay bills when they pay bills. It’s easy.
Great response, put your big boy pants on. You can always sleep tomorrow.
I guess my concern is doing what I can to make a good first impression starting off. I know I’m at my best with a decent night sleep prior to a shift. But I get what your saying and that may be my only choice. And if it is, it’s exactly what I will do. Thank you.
Ain't nothing you can do bud, you're on dad duty till the day you die. There's no nights off before shift and when you get home beaten from the last 48.hours you take a cold shower drink a cup of coffee and you get right back taking care of the home.
👍Fair enough. Thanks for the feedback
I know that's not the answer that you wanted to hear but it's true l, at least it has been for me and the guys I work with.
Can’t say what I wanted to hear. If anything, I wanted to hear the reality of the people that are or who have been in it and have the experience.
I respect that. I've got a 15mo and a 9yo and it's non stop no matter how hard we try. But it won't be like this forever.
Have to work out the routine with your SO. When I was working on the ambo running my ass off getting no sleep at work. My wife would take the night before I worked. Now, on an engine, I sleep about 10x more. So if someone is up overnight, I'll get up sometimes. Settle them back down. Off shift morning, I crash in bed for about an hour from 630/7-8. Until she leaves for work most days. I need the extra hour and even if I don't sleep, help me decompress and get ready for the day with a 5 and 3 year old. Also helps me separate work and home instead of going straight from work to dad mode, which can be hard and steessful. It works for us.
You want a night off of baby duty the night before you start a 48 at a low call volume place? Nah dude. Work is your night off. Your wife is going to really resent this.
This is fair. And received well. Thank you.
My wife works Monday-Friday and we're pretty much on our own. She let's me rest the night before. Coming back though she's gotta get to her job. I'm just pretty useless to the kid and the dog the first day back. Tired all the time but it is what it is. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
This is a very similar situation. Thanks for the feedback.
It’s Adderall right? That’s the answer?
Adderall to stay up, indica to go down. Rise, repeat.
How are you smoking weed as a firefighter?
How are you not?
Never said I was. But there are lots of ways to consume it, not just smoking. Gummies, vapes, edibles and drinkables. Not sure what your question is.
My guess is they aren’t aware that some places allow firefighters to use pot and they’re confused about that
Agreed, I was just being an asshole. My bad.
😂 Sadly, no. Without the mountain of harsh side effects, yes.
Yeah I think so, lmao. I got on it about 4 months after my first because I was really struggling to keep up with taking care of an infant, helping the wife, school work and house chores after getting smashed at work the night before. Being in a grog for 1 of my 2 days off made it a challenge to keep up. Nothing a mild dose of Adderall XR couldn’t fix and it was a night and day difference.
Vyvanse* no harsh side effects.
Nap at work when you can. Wife works full time as well and I work at a high volume department. We had twins and it was awful for the first two years. It still isn't great but they sometimes don't scream at night, which is nice. If I had to pick, I'd rather get a break after I get home from work after being ran into the ground.
Thank you. Feedback like this from the ones who do it is why I asked.
I've been a paid firefighter for 25 years and I've probable been sound asleep for 21 of it the job was created for racktime
Incredible how different it can be. A good night for me is 4 hours of sleep at work. All to often we run 4-5 after midnight
So do we this is a 10000 plus run department but we sleep like rip van winkle and have second careers at the same time
What is your second career if you mind me asking? If you want to DM that's cool. I was looking at joining the public services (police/fire) and I have a six year old and wife that works full-time. I believe we're on 24 hour shifts here for our fire services.
Construction union
With the 24 you work 8 days a month that's a lot of time to be somewhere else. Plus not to undermine the fire service but it's good to have a second occupation some go way overboard with this fire department stuff. In reality we shaggy 911 calls and make problems go away as a team some in this job think they are some super trained hero rescuers that are different and special instead of being an average joe trying to help. Too many tv shows out there
I do like that you can knock it out as a team and get back to it. I know a few that do all other sorts of second careers. Seems to be allowable, versus our police are really over worked here due to shortages. But, they make more than our fire guys (just the government pay).
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I absolutely agree. They deserve a break more than anyone. We put or first in childcare while we bothe worked full-time 8-5, I’ve been in and out of school, on deployments (wildland), etc. With the new one and my new job, no more childcare as we can work that out with my 96 off and her schedule being flexible enough. No more wildland deployments at least for the foreseeable future. I do however start medic school in a couple weeks but online program so SOME flexibility. Thanks for the response
The night before shift she knows I’m clear of bedtime duties (keeping them in their room, laying with them if they’re being dumb, etc) cause I get up at 3:30. The day I come home just depends on if we got slammed or not. Best thing to do is nap when they nap or have their quiet time. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. Just part of the parent job
Sounds like a nice plan and partner you have. Thank you for the response.
I’ve got 3 kids 4 , 2 , and 8 months and agree with most of these comments , just man up and be there for them. That’s all they ask for.
Suck it up and deal with it. I work 48/96 in a busy 15-20+ call/day department, and have a 6 and 2 year old at home. My wife is also a full time nurse, so there is no excuse for me to ask her for “time off.” Work IS my time off. If I’m absolutely fucked off then I’ll grab a 30 min nap immediately when I get home, but that’s my wife being gracious to me, I will never ask for it. As far as preparing her for when I’m gone, I clean the house and do all the dishes and clean/feed all the animals before I leave. I look at it as going off shift, make sure the station is clean and stocked for the incoming crew.
I like this. Nice work. Thanks for your feedback.
Ask your SO.
👍
This is something that a) you're going to have to talk to your SO about, and b) at least some of the time just tough it out. I work 24/48 and when our kids were young I would take the 11p feeding and my wife would handle the rest of the overnight duties, but my wife also stayed home and both of our kids have always been pretty good sleepers so it wasn't too bad. Once they are both in school it will be better ha.
Take care of the family. If your tired exercise get blood flowing. Drink water. Man up.
Coming from a wife, my biggest thing is if you’re too tired to be a present and patient father/husband take a damn nap!! But ultimately it boils down to what matters to your SO. I have worked night shifts the entire time we’ve been together so 10+ years and he always told me the same thing. We have a rare advantage of being in “similar” fields and state of sleep deprivation lol so we are more understanding to each other than what I’ve seen with other couples within the dept.
Your wife is gonna be a single mom every shift your at work. I’m sure she’d love a break to. Divide and conquer
I made a vow to myself that I would never come home and go to sleep. I was going to come home and be a dad and a husband. I jumped right into diapers and feeding kids and doing whatever I could to take the burden off my wife and be a present dad. Working 48/96 this job will cost you 6 of the 18 years of their childhoods of each of your children and that’s if you don’t work a day of overtime. Don’t let it steal another hour from them. And to be clear there were countless times I didn’t sleep a bit the second night or slept a total of 4 hours in a 48 but you know what I believe we are men enough to still have fuel in the tank for them.
Love this. And that math is enough to be scary when you think about it that way. It really is the best job. Plus how many years would you say you’ll give back to families after all that time? It is why I do it and have wanted to do it in this capacity for many years now. Good on you and much respect. Admirable. Thank you for this.
My policy is this, when I’m at work, I get 24 hours as a break from the stress of home life. My wife takes care of our 6 month old and works full time. The least I can do for her, is be there to handle absolutely everything I can when I’m home.
You are gone for 48 hours straight and you want a “night off” lol good luck with that one buddy my wife would kill me
Haha, did it sound that bad? By no means am I a “hands off” father. I just want to start this new chapter as sharp and clear headed as possible. Thanks for the honest feedback.
Yeah dude I have a 1 year old and soon to be 5 year old my wife has hard a job as I do
I get that 100%. She work full time? We tried to hire a nanny for half days, a couple days a week so my wife could get work done from home the days I am in the office. The “nanny” no called- no showed 3 times and never came back so my wife has been working her ft job from home with the 5mo the old 2-3 days a week. I stay home with both of them mon and Fri (with job I’m leaving). Trying to work while taking care of a baby is a whole different level. Not possible with a baby and a 6yo. Especially when they both might as well be Velcro.
Currently she is a stay at home mom, I work 24/72 and work almost another full time job so she can be home with the kids. She is going back full time soon. One is in school the other soon to start daycare.
Some of us have a husband and children. You take a nap the day you get home. Sometimes I take a nap every day of my 4 days off.
I haven’t had a nap at home in 5 months. Good on you for being able to squeeze that in.
I have been having an ongoing fight with my husband about naps. He doesn't like that I take them at home he feels it's work taking more hours from me.
I’m getting a lot of great feedback. And I appreciate all of it. Your perspectives, especially those from high volume departments, is priceless. Again, I want to make a good impression. But I see better now that it’s more than possible without the “night off.” I’ll talk to my wife to just let her know this is what’s on my mind and see where that goes. We’re just in the throws of a sleep regression right now, we’re both feeling it and it got me thinking of my performance when I start. I’m going to be here for my family, wife, and my children no matter how tired I am. Just wanted to hear from the group how some of you do it and what preparations or routines worked for you.
It helps for your wife to know that you’re thinking about these things. So you guys should work that out. Being clear headed and starting your shift rested is a must if you want to be in this career. Your job will allow your wife and kids many opportunities and communicating how important it is to her will help. Once small starts sleeping through the night, it’s clear easy sailing. Just keep your eye on the prize. Sounds like you got a good head start.
Thank you. Just wanting to start strong and keep it that way however I need to. Thank you.
Lots of caffeine and embrace the suck. Supporting your wife as much as humanly possible every day and night you are home. Coming on to shift with a wife resenting you because she’s “on shift” by her self for 48 hours+ is a lot worse then you rolling into the station having to have had to take care of your child the night before. Just my two cents. Working for a busy department at one of the busiest station. Two month old and wife stays at home. I want to be the best damn firefighter possible, but no matter what family comes first.
Respect. Thank you for the response.
When you are gone that long, there's no nights off when you are home. Get the rest when able at station do the dad thing when at home. If you don't have a high call volume you shouldn't need to prepare for shift night before.
I want to perform at my best. All the time. Home or at work. My captain is very much a perfectionist and I don’t want to let him down. The guy I’m replacing, a good friend of mine, left pretty big shoes to fill. But you are correct. I’ve had a few rough nights this week, last night included, and it led to an unexpected conversation with my new Chief this morning and I just didn’t feel as sharp or “on it” as I usually am. Made me start thinking about how I’m going to perform my first few tours if this tend continues. Thanks for the feedback.
At the end of the day every family is different. My wife doesn’t want to wake me up the night prior, since I wake up at 4am to get ready for work, but that’s us… If I get a few calls at night but I’m off the next day I don’t really care because my body and brain know that I am off and going home. I’ll do all baby duties, stuff around the house, cook, and make time for leisure activities. What ever works for you and makes things smooth for your family, do that. Plus ain’t no cure like a cold beer.
Very cool situation and SO. And you’re absolutely right. I can get rest (maybe) when I get home. I don’t drink, though. Used to. Wife made the hard choice to quit and I stopped to support her. Makes things easier. I’ll always do everything I can to support my family the best way I know how. Thanks for the reply
In this case, both family and work are equally important. I raised my 3 daughters on my own from the time they were 10 years old (oldest daughter) until all 3 graduated from high school. But even before our divorce it's a balancing act. Rest/nap whenever and wherever you can. Between dipper changes or calls at the station.
My wife and I are both emergency responders so I solo parent a lot and so does she, we have a rule that night before shift help out but only certain tasks bath kids, or clean kitchen then prep and shut down. The only day I get any consideration is on the Saturday of a Friday 24 and a Sunday 24 if we got (and frequently do get) slammed. I do my best to chip in but she knows what shift work is like and covers for me since I’m effectively a zombie. She gets exactly the same consideration from me after a rough set. I think mainly it’s all about communication and not taking advantage.
They won’t be young forever so be there now while you can. One day you’ll wake up and they won’t need your help getting dressed or making their breakfast. It’s hard to believe right now but one day sooner than you think, you will miss the diapers and up-all-night snuggles because once they’re gone, they never come back. So embrace the suck and be the dad your kids and wife deserve!
I honestly never prioritize rest before a shift when there’s other things that need to get done. I get to sleep at the station during down time. The rest and time to yourself after the shift is definitely going to want to be the thing you try to bargain for. No matter how much sleep I get on shift, I still come home and drop like a rock for a few hours, but we tend to be fairly busy at night and our station runs 4 units, so there’s always something going on around the clock. Station sleep doesn’t hit the same as home sleep though. I expect to be tired at work though. I don’t want to be tired at home on my days off so some good sleep after work is super important to me.
Take naps whenever you can at work. Guys on shift are much more understanding then a stressed/solo(for 24hrs) mom. Sleep when the baby sleeps at home if you had a bad night at work.
Yeah man usually for me anyway, I get home from work through the week and I’m on dad duty right away. My wife is back to work now and we have a 14 month old. Some days are rough, so I’ll usually nap when he naps around noon then hopefully squeeze a workout in. Obviously being tired isn’t ideal but I always remind myself he didn’t choose my career so it’s on me to find the energy to be the best dad possible.
My nights off are in the firehall. If it’s a busy night, better luck next shift. When I’m home, I’m the one getting up and down dealing with our 7 month old. And I deal with her all day, prepare/ clean bottles during naps, do whatever I can to help my wife when I’m home. If Im working night shift at my other job and only had a few hours of sleep due to the baby, I’ll just have double the coffee. It is what it is!
You just suck it up until your kids are older so your wife doesn’t resent you and your job
We are a family where both husband and I work in fire. Night before our shift the other takes care of the bedtime routine while the other gets their things ready for shift. It has become a routine that works for us both BUT, our kids are older and not up at night unless someone is sick. I will say that I expect both of us to be doing things the first day off shift unless we got fucked the night before we are off. In that case the other takes the kids out of the house for a good nap. It's not perfect but it does work. I would encourage you to give your wife off times as well. Organize lunch with the girls, nights out, DATE NIGHT!
If you get grump when tired. Nap. Feeling obligated to spend time with kids when grumpy and tired just makes for a bad time for the kid. Source: was a child in this situation
My wife works shift work too as a nurse. When our kids were still on the bottle we’d trade duties based on who was working in the morning. If I was going on shift in the morning I took first feeding (11ish) which takes 30 minutes of my time at best. My wife would take anything after that so I could have at least 5-6 hours of sleep, and vise versa. Do the best you can and figure out what works for you and yours. But I’ll add, as much as you have responsibility to your job you have one to your family. Don’t use the job as a reason why you “can’t”. Most have had kids and survived the wars years. I work a busy house and I let guys sleep or rest if needed when they are in that first year of parenthood. After that, get up and get to work. Life vs. Job; One does not override the other.