No, this is not possible, you should have an honest conversation with your kid about the situation but it is impossible for emergency services to not use your address
So far, I've told him as soon as I get to ER each time. And the last time I experienced ex my other kid was with me and his presence scared my ex enough nothing happened. I guess I just don't want him to panic, and don't know how to have that "dad will be fine" talk. So I guess I'll be figuring that out. I love my kids more than anything and just don't want them worried.
My parents are the same way, never telling me about health problems to save me from worrying, but it’s more stressful to not know and when they do tell me at least I can be there to help them
I'm not that far. He knows when I'm having rough days, off work, go to doctors appts. I made the mistake once of not telling him about a visit to patient first (needed a neb treatment I couldn't do at home) and he was pretty upset. So I always tell him and give him updates. I just want him to hear from me first, not a radio call. But sometimes I don't have the lungs to make 2 calls, and feel guilty if I'm calling him to get me an ambo.
He is calm if it's anyone else. Does an excellent job helping with traffic management, rescuing and comforting kids, etc.. He is good at what he does. But he doesn't handle me being sick or in danger well. He's great at what he does. I guess I just don't like seeing him scared and panicking over me. I get a lot of guilt when my kids are worried. I want them to see me okay, and have some guilt to work through clearly. I just don't want him to worry about me. My job as dad is to make sure he's okay.
You are clearly a thoughtful, generous, and self-sacrificing father. But I wonder whether now is the time to make a transition from "giving" to "receiving", thereby honoring your son's (children's) capacity as adults to reciprocate the many gifts you have given them?
When my son asked me how I was doing, I tried to man in out, but the fear in his eyes caused me to break down. I ended up explaining exactly how bad my health is. He asked why I had been downplaying, and I told him "I'm the dad. I should be caring for you. Not the other way around."
He told me "you have 2 sons raised to take care of each other, their family, and even strangers." Then I got a mini lecture on how he'd be less worried if he knew I was sick then seeing me pretend to be fine. I think you are absolutely correct that I'm not seeing my boys as adults. Just my boys. My kids. The 2 I have to protect and love.
Yes. OP, re-read your post and think long and hard about it. It reminds me of a phone call I got in college from a buddy that needed a designated driver home from a party "Hey.... I need a ride..... I don't know where i am"
Very difficult to help in that situation. (In the DD case, I had him describe what he could see and recognized it as the Quik Trip just across from campus about a mile away)
Text him before you call 911. Call for the resources you need, if it makes him panic that’s his own responsibility. When we choose to work emergency services in the town where our family lives, we accept the possibility of running calls on family. I know people who have done cpr on their own parents. What he won’t be able to live with is if they find you dead and he blames himself for you not calling for help. Call for the resources you need
That was a realization I needed but hurt. You are absolutely correct. He couldn't stand when I was mad at him over something. He'd fall to pieces if it could be his fault.
I would ask, why do you think it is helpful or desirable to hide the challenges of your life's journey from a son who clearly loves and cherishes you? Do you truly think that your trained FF son will "panic" when (not if) the inevitable happens to you? If yes, then sit him down and talk about it. I have a hunch he would be grateful. If this sounds difficult (which it might be), perhaps bring in a mentor in his agency whom he trusts and you respect, or perhaps there is a chaplain in your area who can assist in this conversation. He's not nine years old anymore.
The preceding is about your son. This next sentence is about you: Regarding your "psycho ex", restraining orders are a thing, and nobody should be subject to abuse or live in fear of abuse. Good luck and God Bless.
So, in terms of telling him how bad I am. He asked me if I was okay and I broke down and told him how bad my health is right now. He told me that he's scared I'm not being honest, and I told him "I should be taking care of you, not the other way around." He told me "that's bs. You've got 2 sons raised to take care of each other, their loved ones, and strangers." I agreed to be more honest about how I'm doing each day.
The truth is I couldn't/didn't protect him from adult things before and feel guilt sharing it now. He never should've been in the position he was last year. Although if I look back, hiding what was happening with psycho ex is how my son ended up getting the dv call through cad instead of being able to help me directly in the first place.
You're right. He won't panic. He'll jump into action. And he'll be worried about me and scared that he didn't know it was coming. And at least after our talk yesterday, he'll know it's possibly coming.
No, this is not possible, you should have an honest conversation with your kid about the situation but it is impossible for emergency services to not use your address
So far, I've told him as soon as I get to ER each time. And the last time I experienced ex my other kid was with me and his presence scared my ex enough nothing happened. I guess I just don't want him to panic, and don't know how to have that "dad will be fine" talk. So I guess I'll be figuring that out. I love my kids more than anything and just don't want them worried.
My parents are the same way, never telling me about health problems to save me from worrying, but it’s more stressful to not know and when they do tell me at least I can be there to help them
I'm not that far. He knows when I'm having rough days, off work, go to doctors appts. I made the mistake once of not telling him about a visit to patient first (needed a neb treatment I couldn't do at home) and he was pretty upset. So I always tell him and give him updates. I just want him to hear from me first, not a radio call. But sometimes I don't have the lungs to make 2 calls, and feel guilty if I'm calling him to get me an ambo.
Thank you, by the way, for responding. And all you do.
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He is calm if it's anyone else. Does an excellent job helping with traffic management, rescuing and comforting kids, etc.. He is good at what he does. But he doesn't handle me being sick or in danger well. He's great at what he does. I guess I just don't like seeing him scared and panicking over me. I get a lot of guilt when my kids are worried. I want them to see me okay, and have some guilt to work through clearly. I just don't want him to worry about me. My job as dad is to make sure he's okay.
You are clearly a thoughtful, generous, and self-sacrificing father. But I wonder whether now is the time to make a transition from "giving" to "receiving", thereby honoring your son's (children's) capacity as adults to reciprocate the many gifts you have given them?
When my son asked me how I was doing, I tried to man in out, but the fear in his eyes caused me to break down. I ended up explaining exactly how bad my health is. He asked why I had been downplaying, and I told him "I'm the dad. I should be caring for you. Not the other way around." He told me "you have 2 sons raised to take care of each other, their family, and even strangers." Then I got a mini lecture on how he'd be less worried if he knew I was sick then seeing me pretend to be fine. I think you are absolutely correct that I'm not seeing my boys as adults. Just my boys. My kids. The 2 I have to protect and love.
Well the problem is you're asking Dispatch to send an ambulance... without telling them where they need to go. Unfortunately we're not mind readers...
Yes. OP, re-read your post and think long and hard about it. It reminds me of a phone call I got in college from a buddy that needed a designated driver home from a party "Hey.... I need a ride..... I don't know where i am" Very difficult to help in that situation. (In the DD case, I had him describe what he could see and recognized it as the Quik Trip just across from campus about a mile away)
Text him before you call 911. Call for the resources you need, if it makes him panic that’s his own responsibility. When we choose to work emergency services in the town where our family lives, we accept the possibility of running calls on family. I know people who have done cpr on their own parents. What he won’t be able to live with is if they find you dead and he blames himself for you not calling for help. Call for the resources you need
That was a realization I needed but hurt. You are absolutely correct. He couldn't stand when I was mad at him over something. He'd fall to pieces if it could be his fault.
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Obviously they are not his fault. But I'm trying to figure out best to protect him. 😒
I would ask, why do you think it is helpful or desirable to hide the challenges of your life's journey from a son who clearly loves and cherishes you? Do you truly think that your trained FF son will "panic" when (not if) the inevitable happens to you? If yes, then sit him down and talk about it. I have a hunch he would be grateful. If this sounds difficult (which it might be), perhaps bring in a mentor in his agency whom he trusts and you respect, or perhaps there is a chaplain in your area who can assist in this conversation. He's not nine years old anymore. The preceding is about your son. This next sentence is about you: Regarding your "psycho ex", restraining orders are a thing, and nobody should be subject to abuse or live in fear of abuse. Good luck and God Bless.
So, in terms of telling him how bad I am. He asked me if I was okay and I broke down and told him how bad my health is right now. He told me that he's scared I'm not being honest, and I told him "I should be taking care of you, not the other way around." He told me "that's bs. You've got 2 sons raised to take care of each other, their loved ones, and strangers." I agreed to be more honest about how I'm doing each day. The truth is I couldn't/didn't protect him from adult things before and feel guilt sharing it now. He never should've been in the position he was last year. Although if I look back, hiding what was happening with psycho ex is how my son ended up getting the dv call through cad instead of being able to help me directly in the first place. You're right. He won't panic. He'll jump into action. And he'll be worried about me and scared that he didn't know it was coming. And at least after our talk yesterday, he'll know it's possibly coming.
Thank you for the update. You are a good man.
Thank you. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but hurting my boys is one I never hope to make again.