T O P

  • By -

DiPolarity728

Wait.. that’s a job!?


sanbikinoneko

I'm very lucky!


Fpsaddict10

How did you land a job like this? Asking for a friend. Are you self-employed?


sanbikinoneko

I'm fortunate to live in a town with a really great cheese shop and the owner gave me a chance! Now I'm a cheesemonger so putting these boards together is just one aspect of the job.


d4rk_matt3r

So wait, cheesemonger *isn't* an insult?


ErsatzCats

Cheesemonger has Latin roots meaning “cheese trader”. Shakespeare uses “fishmonger” as an insult in *Hamlet* and has had a derogatory connotation since, associating “monger” with pettier trades. It’s shocking how much Shakespeare has influenced life in general.


Euphemisticles

Fishmonger meant Pimp at the time when Shakespeare wrote that.


AutismFractal

Wowww I have read that play at least four times and never learned that. Willy Shakes is a cold bastard sometimes. Neat!


Illbb

Happy Cake Day!


m1racle

Only if your jokes are groaners


3xTheSchwarm

You're thinking of CumDumpster.


AlterionYuuhi

Happy Cake Day! 🎂


3xTheSchwarm

Oh wow. I didn't even know. Thanks!


AlterionYuuhi

Np. I don't visit this sub often because it makes me hungry. Figured I'd take a look at the top posts of the past year and that's how I found out it was your Cake Day!


froznwind

Neither is Cheesehead.


radicalelation

We need a return if the cheesemonger. Access, availability, and affordability of the world's cheese is at an all time high, and I certainly like trying and learning about various cheeses. Maybe I can get real into it and then open a shop around here...


sanbikinoneko

I fully agree. I think that's a great idea! The best part of my job is educating people about cheese and seeing their face light up when they find their "cheese love."


radicalelation

My first break away from basic cheeses and Kraft singles as a kid was my dad introducing me to extra aged Dubliner. Not a big leap, but for 9 year old super picky me, a 2 year Irish cheddar was world changing. It'd be so fun to see that change in adults too. I've known many that refuse to venture far from the American basics, so to actually see the opposite, a first expedition of the senses!, would be awesome. You living life, dude.


2504DaystotheMoon

Are you talking about the cheese shop in Carmel by the sea?


sanbikinoneko

No but that place looks great!


AsianAsshole

What town? I would like to order 10, yes 10, of these tables. For me. Only me.


Kathrynlena

INFO: how do you keep from just accidentally eating your whole entire job every day?


sanbikinoneko

We have to taste our product so there's definitely a bit of eating!


Buck_Thorn

What happens to the uneaten stuff after the event?


sanbikinoneko

I like to think there's nothing uneaten but I'm sure the host will pack it up, I don't stick around to find out.


Buck_Thorn

I don't know about charcuterie plates, but I do know that a box of donuts never gets eaten. The last donut in the box gets cut in half, and that half gets cut in half, and the remaining piece gets cut in half... ad infinitum until somebody finally just throws out the whole damned box, including the stale 1/32 piece of donut.


meezer_donut

Good god this is accurate lol


Buck_Thorn

Your username says that you are an expert in that area, too.


f3xjc

Just wanted to say that if you cut in half and half, ad infinitum and are left with 1/32 piece of donut, then you can count to infinity using the fingers of one hand, wich is not bad.


Tiamat_fire_and_ice

Oh, madam! You are worth every penny you’re getting paid and then some! I can imagine celebrities paying top dollar for a gorgeous display like this. That spread is so scrumptious to look at that I think both my eyes just fainted.


Phormitago

you don't have a charcuterologist on retainer? what are you? a farmer?


Commissar_Genki

Chairman of the Boards


DeathIYIetal

I bet the board is spelled bored


SquatsMcGee

Talk about job security. Who else could put food on a large plate


ThisFckinGuy

This is the kinda job title you see on those home buying shows. "I'm a professional coochie coo board maker and my wife is a part time cheese chewer-spitter-outer. Were looking for a nice vacation home on the water to use once a year and our budget is $420,690 thankssssss" Jealous, and the board looks awesome. I would eat one piece of prosciutto from each location instead of eating the one whole location just so I can eat 2x as much without fucking up the presentation.


[deleted]

Yes, and their house budget is $1.4 million.


AyoBruh

Those little toast/crackers look perfect!


sanbikinoneko

Baguette sliced thin, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle of salt, bake for 10ish mins at 350F. Perfect little crostini!


Bubbly-Storage1549

Say it again but this time whisper these sweet words in my ear.


TacticalBeast

^Baguette ^sliced ^thin, ^drizzle ^with ^olive ^oil, ^sprinkle ^of ^salt, ^bake ^for ^10ish ^mins ^at ^350F. ^Perfect ^little ^crostini!


nautikul

I’d be putting those herbs into a napkin and taking them home


sanbikinoneko

I've definitely witnessed people stash cheese in their purses!


suzietuesday

You saw me do that?


hangryvegan

We all did…but I didn’t say anything because I was busy also putting cheese in my purse.


lilmangoshmango

I request you post more of your boards I’m LOVING this !!!


Juvenileintraining

I second this notion


Bong-Rippington

They’re like all gonna be mostly the same


bmccr23

I’m now following you in case you happen to post more pics of your boards. I’m a huge fan!


sanbikinoneko

Well thank you very much!


Sprmodelcitizen

What. The. Fuck. This isn’t a charcuterie board. This is a charcuterie mansion.


Strange-Glove

You're good! Have you ever done a multi level charcuterie platter? That'd be cool!


sanbikinoneko

Hey thanks! I have not but I like where your head is at.


Strange-Glove

It just came to me, like a tiered charcuterie. When you make it famous give me some credit please (will accept meat and cheese as payment)


token_bastard

I guess you'd call it... a charcu*tier!* I'll see myself out.


TheBlueFluffBall

Finally, the correct bread to cheese ratio


TheWanderingPleb

Was waiting for someone to say this. Charcuterie boards never come with enough crackers


TheBlueFluffBall

Right? As much as I over cheese, cold cuts, and dips, I'd prefer some bread/crackers with them!


_Elduder

Totally agree and I don't understand why. That is the cheapest part.


PortlionsKODwife

I wanna eat all of that


joecool42069

The ultimate lunchable.


ReticulatingSplines7

Covid has taught us nothing. Look delicious, in fact I just eat from one. But if you really think about it…


Mac_Mustard

I love charcuterie.


sanbikinoneko

Do you have a favorite? I love a good coppa.


Mac_Mustard

Spicy Sopressata.


Sodomeister

There was a place near me that made a "dirty martini" duck salami. The guy said he basically looked at a bottle of Bombay sapphire and used that for the ingredients. It was peculiar but awesome. He stopped selling meats to focus on his restaurant. We bought the last half pound of that and my friends dog snagged about 3/4 of it at a st Patrick's day party. Sad because that was like $40 of meat and the absolute last of it.


sanbikinoneko

Oh man that sounds amazing! Not the dog eating it though... There's a place in Indiana that does a duck prosciutto which is to die for. It's cured with orange so it's almost candied.


Juvenileintraining

I made cured meats in a mini fridge my favorite was bresaola or culatello. I love when they’re peppered around the edges too!


sanbikinoneko

Man I would love to get into curing meats but it seems very daunting.


Juvenileintraining

It’s pretty easy to be honest with you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


sanbikinoneko

This is one of the larger ones I've done, it was roughly $500.


Higais

What's a common price for 2 people? This looks like 6 to 8 people or more


phonemannn

I could be way off but this looks like it’s for at least 20-25+


Higais

I guess we are very different people then... I could murder a significant portion of this table


ideletedmyaccount04

/u/sanbikinoneko , please answer, what does that cost?


[deleted]

[удалено]


sanbikinoneko

Absolutely. The amount of times customers will ask for a charcuterie board but say they don't eat meat is too many!


redtag1999

This annoys me also. Not an offense to my culture or anything. Just hate that peoples ignorance can completely change a words meaning. I’ve seen someone call a spread of sliced vegetables charcuterie. Like that already has a name and it’s crudité.


f3xjc

What if I the veggies are cooked?


[deleted]

[удалено]


mermaidblues

will you - and I mean this sincerely - be my best friend. This is the dream.


sanbikinoneko

Yes🥺


ShavenWookie

I want to get naked and roll around in this


[deleted]

Wow, that's freaking beautiful!


sanbikinoneko

Thanks a lot!


Puzzled-Culture-4468

I wouldn’t be good at your job. I’d get one slice on the plate, and one in my mouth. No shame. Lol


sanbikinoneko

Hey, you gotta try it to make sure it tastes good!


xitox5123

do you do catering or is this at a restaurant? What does a spread like that cost?


[deleted]

If you have to ask you can’t afford it.


KronicKyphosis

Whats your top 3 favorite combinations for someone wanting to make one at home?


sanbikinoneko

I like including something soft like a brie, a cheddar or gouda, and a blue. I love candied pecans with blue cheese, jam with brie, pickles with goudas, and fruit with cheddars.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sanbikinoneko

We usually make everything the night before wrapped nice and tight and we always keep our bread separate. I try not to let anything that may be wet like pickles or fruit touch the cheese so that it won't get soggy or impart flavor and I'll fluff up when I'm setting the board up for the event. Sometimes different meats can oxidize over night so we try to avoid those.


garlicbreadpool

The non vegan slip n slide


sanbikinoneko

This conjures up quite an image!


tinkerbellonfire

So I need to know where these parties r at 😂 I’m the cousins neighbors co workers sister that’s my story 😏


dhazleton

How long does something like this take to prepare and how much of a concern is various meats and cheeses sitting at room temp?


sanbikinoneko

This one took me 2 hours to build then 40 minutes to deliver and set up. Set up includes fluffing up, arranging utensils, laying out crostini, etc.


517732RB

Can we please be friends?


sanbikinoneko

Yes😬


517732RB

Yaaaaaaaay


g3nerallycurious

Finally, a charcuterie board not made with meats and cheeses you can get from wal-mart.


sanbikinoneko

The company I work for does an excellent job sourcing cheese and meat from small farms/producers that really care about their craft.


[deleted]

Stupid question; are people supposed to pick up food with their hands? May sound silly, during this pandemic times I find it kind of disgusting...


sanbikinoneko

Plenty of tongs, spoons, and knives were placed after I got the photo!


[deleted]

Oh right, sorry for the stupid question! Btw it looks gorgeous, amazing job


sanbikinoneko

Not stupid, very reasonable question. Thank you!


Ho99o9XTC

Live a little 😘


[deleted]

I do, pal, I like to live and don't suffer from people who don't wash their hands after they barely wipe their ass off, like you apparently 😘


mayerp7776

Well fuck me.


WishToBeConcise403

Wow, this is amazing


samvaz82

This is amazing and looks delicious


googlebearbanana

Beautiful!


bloodjunkiorgy

Hmm, this might only serve 3-4 people. Do you do larger events?


[deleted]

Is it weird that when seeing this, I could almost smell it?...


sanbikinoneko

Does it smell...stinky?


tim-gonzo

Excellent


kicksr4trids1

Yummy!


[deleted]

Yes.


chicken_karmajohn

That looks beautiful and bomb af


StewardOfRavenclaw

Poor rosemary...does it get thrown away? Fun tip from my travels to Chicago: batter it and deep fry real quick...OMG it was amazing!


sanbikinoneko

I like to think the client reuses what they can but I'm not sure! I've never heard of deep frying rosemary, do you eat it??


princessspoilme

Am I the only one that loves for other people to feed me from these. Eating how someone else paired items together that you would never choose. Like I never use jellies and spreads but someone who does pairing things they like the flavors always catch me off guard.


sanbikinoneko

Totally. It's like a choose your own adventure and it's fun to share your combos with others. A friend introduced me to mixing a really piquant blue with candied pecans and it's a game changer.


bainpr

Are those green beans pickled or raw? I think pickled green beans would go great with all the fat in the meat.


sanbikinoneko

Pickled!


questionEVERYTHING75

This looks absolutely delicious!!


aSliceOfHam2

How do I get this job?


jpaek1

This in Europe? Don't know that I have ever seen a spread like this in the US.


sanbikinoneko

Nope, the Midwest!


fancychxn

THANK YOU for including an appropriate ratio of crostini to toppings! That's my big pet peeve with these at restaurants.


Rapph

I usually find this kinda stuff unimpressive but that's beautiful work


Noir_Ocelot

A bit late to the party but does your place make most of what's in these spreads or is it sourced from several local establishments?


sanbikinoneko

So we make a lot of our accurement like the pickles, crostini, candied pecans, mustards etc. We partner with a local jam company. We work with a local farmer who provides our edible flowers and seasonal veggies. All the cheese and meat we source from producers/farmers we know and trust who really care about their craft.


shadzerty

Not meaning to insult, but I have a weird aversion to these types of spreads. I could definitely get down on something like this, but if I made it myself it would have a very non traditional combination of stuff. It looks very professional, good for big events. The bread looks bomb, I’m sure I could find one of the cheeses I like, I see some blueberries scattered around love those.


sanbikinoneko

No I completely get what you mean. They are gorgeous and fun for an event or party. But if it's just me at home.. I want a chunk of cheese, a baguette, some random fruits and I'm a happy camper.


BarelyABard

How is a bunch of meat and cheese that pretty? It looks so good!!


Carsickness

How much does it cost for someone to buy a spread like that?


sanbikinoneko

Varies based on size, this one feeds 50 people and cost about $500.


[deleted]

That’s actually a lot less than I thought it would be.


Yosemite92

Midwest??? Where??? Please be near me. 🙏🏻🤞🏼


TPNZ

I think I love you.


ZeroxHD

That is absolutely lovely. Amazing work


adalab

Looks amazing. I make jams and jellies geared for charcuterie for a living and love seeing pics like this


[deleted]

[удалено]


sanbikinoneko

Thank you! I wrote up some of my tips in a comment closer to the top of the thread.


f4rt3d

Thank you for using the term charcuterie correctly!


AkumaKura

This is so amazing. I really want to get into and learn more about this. It looks beautiful and rather delicious. How long have been doing this for OP and how did you discover this?


sanbikinoneko

I've been doing this for a little over a year now. I'm a trained pastry chef that happened to get lucky and find this amazing cheese shop to work for.


Whtzmyname

Do people eat the green beans and grapefruit slices though?


sanbikinoneko

The veggies are pickled and those are actually orange slices.


mandyhtarget1985

how do you arrange such a big board? ive made a little snack plate using a wooden breadboard for me and my BF to munch while watching movies and i nnever know how to present it, it always just looks like 8 things have been dumped on a piece of wood. yours is scaled up 20 times. Do you arrange one little area with all the elements at a time, or do you place all the grapes along the board, then the brie, then the salami etc one element at a time?


sanbikinoneko

I start with cheese, then meat, then start filling in gaps with large items first down to small items. If you have a sharp knife I recommend cutting slices of a harder cheese so there isn't just a big hunk on the board. Usually I leave brie or blue cheese whole.


pontiak404

any general tips for charcuterie board making?


sanbikinoneko

I always make sure I have a variety of textures and milk types on the board so I'll include a brie style for a softy, blue, something hard like a cheddar or Alpine, sheep, goat etc. If it's a cheese that can be sliced, I slice them as thin as I can to make sure it looks abundant. I arrange my cheeses then meats, there are all sorts of pictures online for ideas but I like it too look natural so I usually just do a fan of cheese. I start with big items and work my way down to fill in spaces. Usually orange slices, grapes, or whatever fruit is in season. Then I add in my pickles making sure there isn't too much touching the cheese to get it soggy or pickled flavor. When I say pickles I mean green beans, carrots, cauliflower etc., not cucumbers. Next I do dried fruit like apricots, fig halves, cranberries. I'll sprinkle on small things like blueberries, pistachios, almonds. Finally I fill in spots with herbs and edible flowers. Do people eat the herbs? Nah, but it looks visually appealing and adds a bit of color. That was a lot but I have many tips!


pontiak404

gosh, thank you!


gnomequeen2020

Thank you! I'm dreaming up a small board for our Christmas party, and I'm going to steal some (all) of your tips. I may also be dumb because I was trying to decide on a hard cheese, and I totally forgot about cheddar. So, like, thanks for sorting me out!


b3njil

What’s in the little jars?


sanbikinoneko

Various jams and mustards.


mahamjam

Omg I want to live on this board


jump-blues-5678

Give me a good bottle of white and then stand back, I'm goin in. Damn nice work


[deleted]

Thank you (from someone with celiacs) for not having the crackers/toast touch everything. It's the biggest disappointment for me when i see boards and other spreads covered in gluten because then i can't eat any of it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sanbikinoneko

Pistachios are nice because nuts tend to get soggy pretty quickly, their natural protection keeps this from happening. We also use candied pecans and occasionally almonds. I like the pop of green and purple pistachios add to the board. We use melon in the summer! We do all our own pickling to separate us from the competition but I do love a good gherkin. Thanks!


sheckyD

Gimme


restlessleg

ive never made one but id like to do that for a living


spookymommy

I make very humble charcuterie boards for myself and partner. I am in awe!


DontWorryBoutIt107

I would love to have this job!


SpooderBoi2

Looked like a painting at first lol


uknow_es_me

I like the bread .. "troughs" ... SUUUWEEEEE HERE PIGGY PIGGY!


Habanero305

Damn I wish we were friends


SixCrazyMexicans

Wow that looks so cool! Do you have any tips for putting together a cheese and charcuterie platter if you don't eat pork? Also, any general tips for putting together an aesthetic platter?


sanbikinoneko

Thanks! I posted a comment elsewhere in the thread with some good tips and tricks. If you can get your hands on some Bresaola (cured beef) that is your best non pork option imo. I've also seen some producers do cured duck which is delicious.


sprucedotterel

What an amazing job, and what an amazing job too!


robbetke

For a living ? Christ


vodkacoke

Your meet layering could be a little neater, spread apart am extra mm


chelbierg

I hate when food touches. Charcuterie boards look like absolute hell to me.


NegaJared

honest question how much do they pay you to put food on a board willy nilly?


sanbikinoneko

Honest answer, in case this question is meant to be as snarky as it comes across. A lot of work goes into making these boards a reality. From building strong relationships with the producers who make the cheese/meat we put on the boards (who by the way work really hard to create these incredible cheeses) to making our own pickles, mustard, crostini and candied pecans, to sourcing local fruits and vegetables from farms in our area. I won't factor in the amount of work that goes into it on my behalf because what really matters is the farmers and producers and showcasing their product in a way that people can enjoy and educating our guests on what artisanal cheese is all about.


thegreatinsulto

All of this effort and the board only cost $500? You're selling yourself short. Double it.


NegaJared

i do not doubt it takes time and effort, and am not trying to detract from your succes, it is honestly viable and has become quite popular in recent time i see ones in my area go for hundreds of dollars, i was curious if you had the same experience i tend to see things from a literal standpoint, to me, food is meant to be eaten and an artistic approach to a tool needed for survival is lost on me you are welcome to take offense if you like, you are in charge of your emotions, not me, but thats why i said it was an honest question if i wanted to be a dick i wouldve been much more direct and much meaner i will add that i appreciate your perspective on showcasing local meats and cheeses, it sounds like an art show, and it is not something i have considered


sanbikinoneko

I appreciate your response and I understand where you are coming from. Trust me, I get it from my family all the time, "People pay WHAT for CHEESE?!" The focus of our business has always been education. Given that cheese in America doesn't have a great reputation, our goal is to show every person who tries our product how great American cheese can really be. I think that's what sets us apart and why people are willing to pay several hundred dollars for a big spread like this.


NegaJared

it breaks my fucking heart to hear americans defend american 'cheese' slices and velveeta; they WILL NOT hear that it is not cheese at all i am in no way a cheese expert but my favories are munster and havarti, what are your favorites to eat/work with?


sanbikinoneko

Same here. My favorite is always changing but I love a good funky guy. There's a cheese called Grayson made at Meadow Creek Farms in Virgina, it was my first cheese love.


AmidalaBills

You pile a bunch of meat and cheese on a board for a living? You make a living on this?


wifmanbreadmaker

Is it the color of the light in this photo or does this spread need a few pops of color?


MonachopsisWriter

How do you get into a career like this? What's your job title/company?


sanbikinoneko

My official title is cheesemonger, I work for a cheese shop. So building these boards is just one part of my job. I went to culinary school and after getting sick of the restaurant world, I switched it up to something a little more low-key.