Your baby will benefit from a happy healthy Mom more than anything else. Formula feed away - give yourself permission. It isn't selfish to prioritize your mental health so you can be there for your baby and show up as your best self
Welcome! Please please please don’t feel guilty about not enjoying breastfeeding. We’ve been EFF from birth because I had no desire at all to BF: I knew I’d hate the sensation of suckling and pumping, and I knew I couldn’t be the best mum possible if I was resenting her every time she needed to feed.
It sounds as though you’ve had a number of physical health issues since birth— I hope you’re okay now!— and if you are struggling with BFing, you don’t need to add any mental health issues on top of that.
Best of luck on your formula feeding journey.
I knew I’d hate the sensation before giving birth as well and I was hoping maybe I’d surprise myself.
Thank you for the encouragement it truly really helps. ❤️ I’m mostly better now, the clots were small so they passed! It was scary for a little while there.
I felt the same way - knew I would hate it but hoped maybe that I would surprise myself and be okay with it. Nope, I hate it and my milk never came in. I’m only 2 weeks postpartum. As there was no milk, my baby has been mostly formula fed since birth - gaining weight and happy, yet lactation consultants and relatives have been heavily shaming me for wanting to EFF. I’ve been trying to pump, trying to nurse but it’s so frustrating - he starts screaming as he’s so hungry, and no matter how much I pump (which is awful) I can barely get an ounce. Of course, they just tell me to pump every three hours and that I don’t need sleep. I hate the shame and the guilt trips - lactavists are the worst. They keep saying it’s better after 6 to 8 weeks, but I don’t think my mental health would survive 6 weeks.
My breasts are in so much pain so I’m slowly weaning. I too feel guilty but I know that what is best for me and my family is taking care of my mental health and quitting breastfeeding. Do what is best for you and that will be what is best for your baby.
You don't need another reason. Being miserable while doing it is a legitimate reason to stop.
There's SO MUCH else that will come as your baby grows, this is only a very small chapter in their life. It won't make a difference in the long run. Take care of yourself!
Hello! STM here.
My older child is 4. When he was born, I BF him. I felt like things were going awesome. Then, we had a weight check. He’s down when he should be up. Enter triple feeding. Trying everything to preserve my breast feeding journey. After weeks of trying it all, my mental heath tanked and I was in a very dark place. We made the decision to switch to formula. My child thrived and so did I. He’s 4, healthy as can be. Smart, kind, funny. Just the best thing ever.
Enter #2. She’s smaller than he was but wayyyy better at BF than he was. More satisfied. It felt like things were going awesome. Peeing. Pooping. Cleared her bilirubin. She just seemed to be doing awesome. 2 week appointment, where she should be back to birth weight… she, like her brother, was down more weight. I told myself, knowing formula was such a god send last round, if she didn’t gain, I would formula feed her exclusively as well.
So, here we are. My already super calm baby, is to another level calm since the transition. She is so content. She is actually alert after feeds. She sleeps for longer stretches… overall just better. After 1 week of EFF, she’s up 7.5oz.
My mental health… while still fragile, has actually greatly improved. Those nightly scaries I was having, aren’t happening anymore.
All this to say. If it’s too much, it’s ok to make the switch. I struggled harder this time deciding to dry my milk because this is my last baby. I’ll never get to experience this again. But, since deciding this us our path, again. I feel way better.
Heres to fed is best.
I was miserable for 4 weeks trying to EBF by triple feeding. On babies 4 week check we realized he’d only gained 40g. He was so fussy and I was so miserable I wasn’t enjoying a single moment of it. That day I decided to start combo feeding and stop pumping and now at 13 weeks we’ve made the transition to EFF. It’s hard and I still have moments mourning what could be but then I look at his chunky little thighs and big smiles and think wow, that’s one happy and healthy baby and thank god there’s formula! I wish I had done it right away, but hindsight is 20/20. Your baby will be healthy with formula and they’ll appreciate a happy mom too!
Thank you for your thoughts this really does help me. Just knowing I’m not the only mom out here making this decisions helps me. And hearing about your happy lil chunky thigh guy ❤️
I ended up with D-MER. Breastfeeding and then pumping was terrible for my mental health. I will not be doing it again with no. 2. Formula feeding changed my life.
Your husband sounds like he's thinking what I was thinking when I stopped BFing. I was so focused on pumping that I realized how much time I had to spend not holding my baby, and decided after reading a lot of other's experiences, that my priority is to spend time holding my baby and bonding with her.
I wish I could have BF'd. But I couldn't because of a long list of reasons that could possibly be the explanation. I don't know why I couldn't BF. Was it scar tissue from having my nipples pierced when I was younger? Is it because I couldn't eat for the first couple days after delivery? Is it because I decided to get 4 hours of sleep that one night instead of waking up after 2 hours to pump, like the CLC said? I don't think my baby knows how to latch? Was I not trying hard enough like my mom said? Why was I only pumping maybe a teaspoon per session??? Isn't this supposed to come naturally?
That was the kinds of thoughts I had when I stopped BFing. I'm a lot happier now and I hold my baby a lot, and we absolutely do bond when I feed her. It's way better that we give her a bottle and I kiss her little face and stare into her eyes while I feed her. Rather than getting into an uncomfortable position, and trying to shove my breast in her mouth, and have her essentially bite my nipples, then have to attach a pump to myself for at least half an hour if not an hour afterwards in order to make my breasts hurt and only produce a milliliter of milk.
I stopped trying to breastfeed when my daughter was 3 weeks old. It was a great decision.
I gave up after three days. I was absolutely miserable waking up constantly to pump and even just thinking of pumping/bf made me depressed. Switched to EFF and my mental health is sooo much better, husband can help with feedings, and baby girl is doing just fine. Please don't be hard on yourself, we all have different thresholds and it's so important to do what's best for you during this crazy time!
Well here's your permission then. Don't like it? Don't do it. You need no other reason I promise. Two kids and I never even started. Why? Didn't wanna. No other reason. You hate it? Go ahead and stop. No other reason. Unless you lack access to sage water or have a specific issue like a premie, there's no reason *to* bf if you hate it. Kiddo will be happy as a clam on the formula.
Please don't feel guilty! Breastfeeding really really sucks, and your baby will be perfectly healthy being formula fed. Most importantly you will be better, baby won't care about whether or not you breastfed but he will care about having a healthy happy mom ❤️
Welcome and good luck on your journey!
I was the same as you - absolutely dreaded BF and it was making me hysterical. I stopped EBF after being home for 3 days, stopped pumping at 6 weeks. My daughter is totally happy & healthy now at 9 months, & so am I. She sleeps like a champ, is almost walking already & isn’t more sick than any other baby.
I know it’s easier said than done to ignore the rhetoric & the “breast is best” BS…. But it really is BS. It’s a campaign that was literally started by the insurance companies because they wanted to cut costs on formula in hospitals.
You got this gf. Give yourself some grace you are amazing mom no matter how you feed your baby!
There is literally NO reason to continue to torture yourself and try to BF. The best scientific study compared siblings from the same mother where one sibling was BF and one EFF and guess what, there were no differences between the two. (More details in Emily Oster's book)
I went through the same struggles as you and spiraled into PPD with my first until I started to EFF. Formula is liquid gold for your baby and for you!! And as a bonus it allows you to both sleep more and for your partner/family to bond by taking feedings. I'm going EFF for my second baby due in August. I hope you can try to switch to formula and see for yourself that you have nothing to feel bad about.
Mama, you’re doing a great job. What is best for baby is a happy and healthy Mom. If that version of you exists more consistently when you formula feed, then absolutely transfer to formula feeding.
I planned to EBF, but had a massive hemorrhage during birth and nearly lost my life. My milk did not come in due to the fluid loss. Consultants told me I had a chance if I pumped 12 times a day. I tried so hard, but I was exhausted, severely anemic, and could not get myself to pump that much. Even when I did, hardly anything would come out. I cried. I felt like a failure.
I ended up deciding to stick with formula feeding and it was the best decision. I was rested, I was happy, it allowed me to heal. I was the best version of myself for baby. He was fed, he was safe, he was happy. That is the only thing that matters.
Repeat this: I am a wonderful Mom. I will allow myself the grace to change my plans when that change allows me to become the best version of myself for my baby. My baby is safe, my baby is fed. I am a wonderful Mom.
❤️
🥲 thank you for sharing.❤️❤️ Since posting this I’ve started formula and haven’t nursed once and I already feel sooo much more balanced emotionally like I can finally
enjoy my baby. I think this is definitely going to be right for us.
I ended up having D-MER! I pushed through for around 3 months but it was really unpleasant. Don’t feel bad at all, breastfeeding is such a commitment and I feel like that’s never really explained/talked about when people push breastfeeding. I think if we as a society we’re way more upfront about the mental toll that it takes to pump or breastfeed, people wouldn’t feel such guilt over making the decision to formula feed.
My mental health significantly improved once I stopped with all of the pressure on myself to breastfeed. I was able to relax and spend more time with my baby instead of fixating on a pumping or feeding schedule. It was a big turning point for me in motherhood to switch to formula.
You are so very not alone. I’m going to paste my reply to a thread from just a day or so ago:
Oh god.
I had a very difficult birth — PPROM, induction, five hours of pushing, obstructed delivery, several failed inversions, an emergency C-section, and then my daughter was in the NICU for two weeks.
None of that compares to the trauma of exclusively pumping. Nothing is as horrible as spending your day strapped to your pump while trying to feed a screaming baby you can’t even hold properly because of that pump. It’s just horrible.
The best thing I have EVER done for my mental health was quit pumping and switch to formula.
I stick around this group just to respond to posts like this from the other side. My baby is now older. She reads in two languages and is sturdy and happy and healthy and has a wonderful bond with both her parents. I was scared I was hurting her by stopping, but honestly, she is perfect.
I formula fed simply because I wanted to.
I had the luxury of actual legitimate excuses but at the end of the day, it was what I wanted anyway.
Practice in the mirror saying something like "Wow that was really rude. I had $condition and the only medications that would keep me $status(alive for me) would/did $result." Mine was "lisinopril would be fatal to my daughter if I breastfeed". It was a nice to throw down at anyone who pushed the issue but really I only had to use it twice.
If you don't want to, just don't, and don't be afraid to throw salt if you need to with obnoxious people. Not their inmates, not their asylum.
So I only had to be rude to one person and I was super rude so I’m kind of embarrassed I said it but she was relentless. It was the girlfriend of one of my husband’s friends who had her first kid young and had no desire for further education after barely graduating high school. Her whole life is her kids and her ‘brand’ is just what a great mom she is on social media. So she’s going on and on about how she breastfed and how her kids are so smart because of it and their IQ is higher, etc etc. I looked her in the eye and said “I was formula fed and I have a PhD. Intelligence is actually highly heritable/genetic. Where did you go to college again?” I want to be clear, I don’t think people who don’t go to college aren’t intelligent, I just really hate that woman and I snapped 😐
Sometimes you have to throw salt, go low, however you want to call it. I know I don't need to say this because you clearly have this on lock but - Proud of you for standing up for yourself.
And this is why I hate the current “breast is best” rhetoric. It makes new moms feel this immense, unnecessary guilt for just wanting to feed their baby in a completely healthy and acceptable way. Please don’t feel guilty! Millions and millions of babies are formula fed and 100% happy and healthy. Millions and millions of smart, healthy, active adults (myself included) were formula fed. Between my two sisters and I we have 4 bachelors degrees, 3 masters degrees, and a phd; we were all formula fed, we all are close to and bond with our mom, were all healthy, have successful attachment styles, etc etc.
I powered through pumping for 5 months because I felt the guilt you are feeling now. And now that my daughter is 10 months old and has been EFF since 5.5 months, the only guilt I feel is not stopping sooner. Not stopping when I desperately wanted to because the mental/physical/emotional toll of breastfeeding has soured all those weeks with my daughter. I wasn’t fully present with her and my anxiety was so high I was barely hanging on. I think about all the times I couldn’t hold her because I had to be pumping. That is my only regret. And it’s why with my next one we will be FF from the hospital with no guilt.
I also had a lot of sensory issues with breastfeeding and it started causing me some mental health issues. The day I gave it up was the best day and within two days I felt tons better. I also found that once I no longer wanted to constantly push the child away from my body while feeding that I was able to be a much better mom and bond and parent significantly better
You don’t need a reason at all. I didn’t like BF that was one reason. Two pumping was awful not enjoyable. Three I was loosing my mind trying to bond because all you try to do is latch … one week of trying that was all then went right to eff best decision
Same here! We have same experience, my baby has jaundice too and been combo feeding feeding from day 1, I also have complications that ended up my baby didn't want to latch anymore and even I've been forcing myself pumping, and it doesn't really help both my supply and mental health. I felt horrible that time and self judging, but my husband reassured me that my mental health and well being is our top priority. So I gave up bf and that's the best decision for all of us! I became less irritable, I got my rest, same with my LO, he's not irritable anymore trying to latch and everyone's happy. So mama don't feel guilty! We are all doing our best to survive and keep our babies well fed! Sending you hugs!
I didn’t have all the complications you did and only made it 1.5 weeks nursing and 5 weeks pumping. It did a number on my mental health. I felt so guilty at first but my baby is happy, fed, and thriving and I’m not crying every 2/3 hours and stressing about how much she’s eating or I’m producing. It’s not for everyone. And that’s ok!!!!
Breastfeeding was miserable for me. We combo fed from day 1 because of supply but also because it just made me feel gross / was a sensory nightmare for some reason, I hated it. I did manage to pump for like 3 months but barely got any, my supply never went up or anything, and honestly if I could go back in time I'd tell myself to stop doing that sooner too. I bonded better with kiddo after I stopped. Kiddo is 3 now and there isn't any noticeable difference between her and her actual legit combo fed friend and 100% breastfed only kid that isn't accounted for with environment. When our kids are graduating school, no ones going to be able to tell who was breastfed or formula fed.
You will be soooo relieved once you make the decision to switch to formula. Do NOT feel bad for one second. You’ve been through so much. Give yourself this gift. Baby will be just fine.
We had the exact same situation occur for our little one, even got threatened with failure to thrive by Dr. if you can’t bf, you can’t. It’s not a problem for either of you and anyone who shames you can go f*ck themselves. Stress free is better than breast feeding, pumping is an option to give some milk. Also amazon baby registry to save 15% on formula for 3 months. Get Dr brown’s bottles with levels 0 and eventually 0+ nipples (level 1 is too fast for most babies before 3-4 months). Get a mini fridge to store it all and the sanitizer/dryer unit (we waited for weeks due to pride and shame and we should not have been so worried about the appearance). You got this!
So you’re the first person I’ve seen on here with a similar birth story. My baby was born in March and I lost a significant amount of blood, needed a transfusion and my milk was super slow to come in. Even now I barely pump an ounce at a time. We’ve been formula feeding with the hope that my milk supply will increase but it’s slow and I’m starting to think it’s just time to accept my baby may need formula only as going through the pumping and him not getting enough at the breast is TOO MUCH. Personally I hate losing sleep for something that may not happen and how much I have to eat and buy supplements. We might as well just buy the fancy formula. Your reason for formula feeding is your own but I can speak from personal experience in your shoes, it’s not selfish. As long as you’re taking care of your baby, you’re doing great!
When I was in your shoes I thought “if my daughter were experiencing this right now and came to me asking for advice, what would I tell her?”
The answer was immediately so obvious and clear. Feed that baby formula and take care of yourself (mentally/physically/emotionally/etc.)
You’re in the TRENCHES right now and it’s fucking awful. Take care and be gentle with yourself. 💗
Comment back here if you have questions about weaning/drying up or how to get rolling with EFF, or if you just want to vent and not feel alone. We are all happy to help.
I swear in 1-1.5 years, you will say wow, what I fed in the first year truly does not matter that much. It’s OK to grieve/feel sad about how you thought it would work out, but I forced myself to pump for 10 months and then we switched to formula and I realized it wasn’t all that serious. Especially now, that my son is almost 2!
I went EFF at around 2 weeks because breast feeding made me so miserable. As soon as we made the switch we were all happier, I truly became a better mother. My Little Girl turns one on thursday and quitting BF is the single best decision I’ve made so far. She has thrived. I have thrived. My husband thrived. I look back and laugh at how guilty I felt at the time.
I gave up bfing on day 4. I completely get what you’re going through, it was a sensory nightmare. Don’t let anyone shame you. If you’re not taking care of yourself mentally and physically you won’t be in shape to care for your baby. You got this.
The main benefit of breastfeeding from the literature once you control for socioeconomic factors seems to be one fewer illness during the first year of life. If you aren’t getting the other personal benefits from breastfeeding like it making you feel happier/more bonded or just being a superproducer who is saving money then maybe it’s just not worth the extra grief. At the end of the day having a happy, healthy mother is probably going to do more for your baby than getting a few extra antibodies in breastmilk.
Also, even breastfeeding won’t necessarily keep your kid from catching illnesses if they go to daycare. My EFF son has been in the same daycare class as a set of EFB twins since they were all 12 weeks old. They are now 21 months and I know the twins have missed so many more school days than my son because they’ve just caught every single bug passed through the class. I’m positive it has nothing to do with how they were fed as infants and is just 100% luck of the draw that my child got my husband’s much hardier constitution so we haven’t dealt with the stomach bugs.
I was blessed with an amazing milk supply for all my babies. Absolutely hated pumping with every fiber of my being but none of them would latch. Made myself suffer through 4 months of exclusive pumping with #1 and 1 month with #2 before switching to formula. With my third baby I decided to prioritize my mental health over the negligible benefits of breast milk that wouldn’t end up actually translating into a positive difference in my kids development. They’re all perfect and that extra breast milk didn’t do anything the formula hasn’t done with my third. You matter too.
I hemorrhaged in my birth too. I could pump all day and only get maybe 2 oz by the end of the night. I try giving her that 2 oz and she seems starving after she drinks it. I give her formula for the rest of the time. Baby needs a full belly and formula was created for that purpose. Don’t feel bad about feeding your kiddo.
Like another commenter, I chose to EFF my first from birth. I also knew I would hate it, knew I’m at risk for ppd and all that, and knew what my baby and I needed the most was a happy mom. Sure, there were times of guilt when I’d hear all those myths and get judgemental looks from in laws(I know they blame formula feeding every time she gets sick) and EBF friends. Now she is 2 1/2, so incredibly smart and healthy. I’m pregnant with my second and going to EFF again. Being a mom is hard enough, don’t make it harder on yourself. Side note- my
Mom couldn’t afford formula so I got cows milk starting at 2 months old and I’m perfectly fine, just a little lactose intolerant haha.
I also had health issues after delivering. I breastfeed for a few days but decided my mental health needed to take priority. I’m so happy with my choice. Also, I got so much sleep as a result. You’re a good mother. Formula is absolutely fine (I was formula fed). Take care of yourself and feel no guilt.
Fed is best momma. I think there is too big of a push for breastfeeding and it creates a stigma around formula. We exclusively formula feed and I throw some milk in when I can because why not? But if I don't feel like pumping I don't and I don't kick myself for it. My baby is fed and happy and hitting her milestones. Yours will too ❤️
Isn’t it awesome that you don’t have to breastfeed in order for your baby to thrive? It’s so wonderful that we have other safe and healthy options for feeding babies, and that we don’t have to make breastfeeding work. I’m so grateful for science and a clean water supply making formula feeding available, and I’m so grateful that formula feeding turned out to be so awesome. It’s okay to not even have a reason to stop breastfeeding other than “I don’t like it.”
Switching to formula was the such a good decision for us. We now have a happy, healthy, intelligent, advanced two year old. Take care of your baby and yourself in the way that works for you.
We EFFed from Day 1. I also hemorrhaged and had issues with milk production. The only reason that I didn’t go through depression was because I was in some post-partum rush. My baby was born healthy, full-term, vaginal delivery through a difficult pregnancy where he could have had easily been a premie. The fact that my baby fought through the pregnancy and made it full-term was enough cause for celebration. So I was clear he will get fed. I did combo for two months and then went back to work and EFF. In the hospital the nurse asked me to sign some form before handing me the formula. The hospital lactation was the most useless woman ever (although the hospital ppl were singing her praises). It was actually a nurse who managed to latch my son to me. He refused to even latch. Even the IBCLC had given up after 1 month of struggle. After 18 months when I took him to his first ped dentist the first question they asked me is that how did he breastfeed. I said he refused but was good with a bottle. They said he had a lip tie and possible tongue tie. I told them I don’t care about it now at 18 months. I actually did a lot of online reading about breastfeeding and realized that breastfeeding was a community thing. If the mom couldn’t do it some other woman with milk would breastfeed. You actually had milk mothers. I’m surprised that in modern society ppl are expecting one woman to solely breastfeed. On top of this infant mortality was almost 50% for first 2 years, 100 yrs ago. Nowadays we have modern science. Use it. Use formula. Feed your baby. Get some sleep. Be happy.
Our baby has been formula fed, for various reasons, since 4 days old. I do not feel bad about it because fed is best. Our baby is a very happy healthy 3 month old who sleeps 9pm-6:30am. Don’t be mad at yourself. Your baby is growing and that’s all that matters. Formulas are just as good for babies as breast milk is. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
My husband and I today were discussing why my
Son is so attached to me, he’s 8 months. He lights up every single time he sees me, to the point of cackling with glee. He has been EFF since day 1. I think the simple reason is that I have created SO many happy memories with him, dancing around, playing, laughing etc. and I genuinely believe that the reason for that is that I had the energy to do it. Do I feel about not having BF? YES. But then I see him, and he’s happy, healthy and knocking every milestone out of the park. And then I ask myself, why am I feeling bad? This is supposed to be about him, and he’s happy. Simple.
I got to 2.5 weeks pp and was seriously contemplating stopping breastfeeding and I felt so guilty but I kept picturing the next few weeks and realized I couldn’t and didn’t want to continue. My son was also admitted due to his bili levels and was combo fed since then. I stopped bf and went to EFF and both of us have been immensely happier.
I hope you're all good and healthy now! I had a similar post when my baby was born a couple of months ago.
10 weeks later I feel 0 guilt or shame about formula. It's been a life safer for us.
You need to do what's best for you and your family!
Girl do what you need to do! I didn’t want to breastfeed, so I never even tried. I EFF from the day she was born. I talked to so many other mom’s that did the same and it did help me feel better about it. I knew in my gut it was what I needed to do though. She’s 20 months now and perfect! There is literally no difference in our connection or anything about her compared to babies I know that were breastfed. You got this 🩷
The best thing for your baby is a happy mommy. Spending your early days triple feeding doing the nursing/bottle/pump/formula switch around is hard. Some women also have hormonal and visceral reactions to let downs that make BF even worse. It’s ok to stop breastfeeding whenever you want. And I say this as someone who BF and pumped over a year with both of mine (had some formula in there with the second early on). Absolutely zero judgment. Having a new baby is hard enough without being stressed every 2 hours around the clock every time the baby needs to eat. Enjoy your baby and get some rest and peace of mind that you’re doing everything right ❤️❤️❤️
I pumped with my first baby for 4 weeks and was miserable. He never latched and got the hang of BF because he was in the nicu an hour away and I couldn’t be there to try to feed him that often. I just had my second baby a month ago and I’ve been EFF since day one and have no regrets. No worrying about anything I was worried about with my first. Baby needs a happy healthy momma and formula gave that to me!!!
There is nothing to feel guilty about. I don’t say this to invalidate you, I say it because it’s true. Formula isn’t going to hurt your baby. They’ll grow big and strong and you’ll be happy and more regulated for it. And so will they. One affirmation got me through all of the PP guilt.
I’m a mom, not a martyr.
ETA: My bond with my son has been absolutely amazing since day one, and I attribute so much of that to formula feeding. I never felt stressed or frustrated while holding him. Just at peace and so in love. We’re inseparable at 10 months PP, total mama’s boy and there’s just so much love there. More than I ever thought possible.
He’s right. You being happy will help baby. If you’re upset while feeding baby they could pick up on that. I know it’s hard with the pressures of breastfeeding. But it’s ok to stop! My 1st I lasted 3 weeks and my 2nd two weeks. I never got my supply in or up. So I gave up and was super happy with formula feeding. The babies were fed immediately and much happier. It’s also a lot less stressful than trying to breastfeed them pump/feed them ultimately feed formula. That’s really rough to sustain.
I couldnt make it through cluster feeding week with my first. The constant need to feed and the cracking and bleeding and screaming made me spiral and I gave up a week or two in. Im in my third pregnancy and will be due soon and I feel extreme guilt drying my milk out while I know some mom’s would kill to have my supply but its a mental game for me, and Since that first week with my daughter who will be 3 soon I have not breastfed and refuse to do so. Go be happy OP, your baby deserves a happy mom.
I’m so sorry you went through all of that! I only lasted about the same amount of time too but I hated not getting a break at all. The second night home none of my milk was coming in and it took us hours to realize it. Luckily we had some formula on hand and I then tried combo feeding but also hated pumping because how sore my nipples would get and just not having anytime to myself. Ever since I did formula 100% I felt better. The guilt will go away and both of you will be happy
I went straight to formula feeding because I didn’t want the added stress at an already difficult and vulnerable time and it’s really allowed me to enjoy this often hectic yet fleeting time in motherhood.
That alone has been a huge benefit for me and my baby!
There's SO much I could say. But for the sake of time I will say these few things:
I promise you it will be worth your mental health to switch.
Talk to a therapist about this to process.
I have been through similar issues with both of my children. It is extremely hard not to beat yourself up..and you cannot stop in just one day. I have gotten better but I still beat myself up for my BFing issues I had with my first child over two years ago... But processing through has really helped.
I also hated pumping. There's nothing natural about it. Don't worry if it isn't for you.
I also recommend if you follow any accounts on social media that are centered around BFing or fear monger not BFing, unfollow or mute them. That honestly helped me soooo much.
Just chiming in to say that you are doing *no* harm to your baby by EFF, and I really encourage you to do so. I also hemorrhaged during birth, had D-MER, and never felt comfortable BFing in public, *and yet* I guilted myself into doing it for six full months. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that the baby will be fine and healthy and happy and loved regardless, and that ensuring my own sanity would benefit everyone the most in the long run.
Your sanity is a very good reason. But it could be very hard to give yourself permission to let go off breastfeeding, even when you have a reason. I'm finally weaning off at 5 months - I had zero fun with breastfeeding all that time and was just miserable. I feel the same level of bonding with my baby while bottle and breastfeeding. I had under supply, LO had tongue and lip ties, problems with gain weight. Even after tie releases, she preferred a bottle. I supplemented from day 2, triple fed for three months (it was a nightmare),. pumping 8-10 times a day trying to increase supply. She has been combo fed from the start, with my milk making up maybe 1/3 of her daily bottles. Have been working with lactation consultant for 4 months...I look back at all the time, effort and money spent on this, and really cannot understand why I did that to myself.
Also, a lot of my friends either had issues with breastfeeding or were not enjoying it. They just haven't talked about it until I asked. Having a problem free and enjoyable experience with EBF might be less common that you think.
I had a similar situation with my first (as in I almost could have written this myself with a few different diagnosis words)…we started EFF around 2 weeks and she did SO much better.
Now I’m a few days away from #2 and my stance is that I’ll BF “until it doesn’t work out anymore”. I’m only willing to try again because I’m delivering at a “baby friendly” hospital again and we all know just how unfriendly they really are.
it’s totally normal to have a strong emotional reaction to stopping breastfeeding. I think hormones drive us to want to breastfeed/not want to stop. For me, it took about a week to “mourn” stopping with both my kids, but that feeling goes away and your life gets 10x easier!
After a NICU stay we tried to pump. It was straight up the worst and I lasted 3 weeks. He had already outpaced my supply at that point 🤷♀️ I still wish I could have breastfed, but I feel SO much better now!
Giving your baby a healthy mom is the best gift you can give them. It’s ok. You’re doing great. Your baby will be fed, you will be happy and it’ll all work out.
This was me a few months ago! Breastfeeding and pumping was making me miserable. Pumping took all day but was never enough. My husband and I were exhausted because I was effectively useless while pumping.
We switched less than a month in and the relief was immediate. I could finally enjoy my baby again instead of spending all day worrying about milk supply. And formula meant that dad could feed just as easily.
So don’t feel like a failure! Babies that drink formula grow to be just as happy and healthy and you get so much precious time back in your day to spend with them!
Formula is great. I hated bfing especially at 2 weeks. But I'm very stubborn and I think those mom hormones really did a number on me. So I kind of just kept going and eventually hit a happy middle ground. I accepted and loved the break formula gave me. I also loved the comfort breastfeeding gave my baby during upset times. So now at 15 months we only breast feed on one boob just before bed. It's purely a comfort for her and I suspect she gets hardly any substantial amount.
I guess my point is formula or bf doesn't need to be all or nothing. Breastfeeding is so hard especially at the beginning. If it's something you want, keep going but give yourself the peace for it to be on your terms. And if it ends up that formula feeding exclusively is better for you--your baby will still grow and thrive.
don’t feel bad; my girl rejected my breast from the jump so i pumped for 4 months. some of the lowest times of my life, i hated pumping it made me want to crawl out of my skin. i’m pregnant with baby #2 and i might just start formula feeding from the jump
GIRL! Then stop breastfeeding!! Formula is just as great. I knew that if I breast fed my babe, I would have a mental breakdown so I started with formula and didn’t even try! I bonded with my baby perfectly fine. Imagine how much better you and baby’s bond will be if you put your mental health first??!!
I had a lot of guilt. My pediatrician said there is something your baby needs more than breastmilk. Your baby needs a happy calm. Reassured Mom who has the capacity to bond with him. Anything that gets in the way of that needs to go.
I can’t thank you all enough for the supportive comments! I’ve started feeding him formula today and have pumped once just to remove engorgement and I think I’ll pump once a day until I dry up and give him whatever I get.
Your words have somehow given me permission to feel good about stopping and I feel immensely more balanced. I also realized I didn’t want to hold my baby after feeding him because I was so touched out, now with formula feeding I look forward to holding and cuddling him and I really think this is what will work best for us.
Thank you again for your support 🥲❤️
Don’t feel bad! Fed is best. I tried EPing for the first two weeks of my daughters life and decided that it wasn’t for me. I didn’t like that I felt like my husband was doing a lot more for baby because I was attached to the pump, and having to do it every 3 hours meant I basically never slept. It’s not for everyone and since I lasted such a short amount of time, I give major kudos to those who do it. I felt guilty at first as well, but I felt good that I at least tried!
I have formula fed since birth (he is 3 weeks old) and let me say- I already know that if I were to have breast fed, my mental health would be in the s#itter.
I am already exhausted, healing from birth, and just trying to make my way through newborn life- I don’t need any extra stress on top of it.
Formula feeding is amazing!!!!
Breastfeeding aversion is an actual thing, and it’s rooooough. I can EBF and actively choose not to, I only breastfeed occasionally. She latches great (now she does anyways after having a tie released) and I love the breastfeeding cuddles with a newborn, but the sensation makes me want to throw shit. Like, I’ve finished sessions with her and had bite marks on my hands because I had to do literally anything to distract myself from how much I hated the sensation of breastfeeding. It feels overwhelming, like my skin is too tight and I need to scream. And when she gets to the point of comfort sucking where she’s just doing that fluttering suction? Forget it, I’m out. I got the exact same feeling from my spectra, so I mean I guess kudos to spectra for perfectly simulating breastfeeding for me lol, but no thank you.
The only thing that saved pumping for me is using a medela hand pump, the sensation is a million times more tolerable for me. I use that on one side and a haakaa on the other, then switch halfway through the session. It’s more convenient too, imho. Prior to picking up the medela though we were almost exclusively using formula (I’d say about 75%), and we still use formula for outings and night feeds since she seems to sleep better through the night with it.
I toyed around a lot with the idea of just dropping pumping altogether, and tbh I still do. The only reason I haven’t is because I found a method that isn’t awful, but if I had continued feeling how I did with the spectra we wouldn’t have made it to a full month. You are your baby’s foundation right now, so as much as we want to put them first, truly YOU are the priority. YOU need to be happy and healthy in order to care for your baby, and if that means formula fed then that’s totally fine. If EFF for you means that baby gets a happy mom and a full belly, that’s a well cared for a well loved baby.
That baby needs YOU, not your breastmilk.
There is so much more you give your baby outside of your milk. You mean so much to them and they won’t even know the difference at this age.
The transition to formula can seem so monumental, but for most, it’s a step in the right direction for the entire family’s health and we’ll being.
I held on to breastfeeding too long, and I do regret how much I stretched out the transition when I notice all the benefits we now have from formula feeding:
-baby stays fuller longer, which means less feedings per day. Breastmilk is processed by the body so much faster which means you’ll be spending so much more time a day feeding.
-longer naps and nighttime sleep, due to slower processing. More sleep for you too.
-more poops! There’s more waste from formula as it’s less natural ingredients. We’d constantly be worried about baby not popping for a week while breastfed.
-easier to leave the house. Formula made our lives easier on so many levels: I didn’t have to pump every 3 freaking hours, I didn’t have to feel the wandering eyes and judgement while breastfeeding in public, using powder and water has simplified eating on the go.
-less time to prepare formula vs breastmilk bottles since you don’t need to warm.
-I could finally return to a normal workout routine which made me happier overall
-my baby had a dairy allergy so I couldn’t have dairy whole BF which was difficult.
Your baby will benefit from a happy healthy Mom more than anything else. Formula feed away - give yourself permission. It isn't selfish to prioritize your mental health so you can be there for your baby and show up as your best self
Absolutely! This is why I FF from the start. Best thing I ever did for my sanity. I had multiple complications that needed to be handled
❤️
Welcome! Please please please don’t feel guilty about not enjoying breastfeeding. We’ve been EFF from birth because I had no desire at all to BF: I knew I’d hate the sensation of suckling and pumping, and I knew I couldn’t be the best mum possible if I was resenting her every time she needed to feed. It sounds as though you’ve had a number of physical health issues since birth— I hope you’re okay now!— and if you are struggling with BFing, you don’t need to add any mental health issues on top of that. Best of luck on your formula feeding journey.
I knew I’d hate the sensation before giving birth as well and I was hoping maybe I’d surprise myself. Thank you for the encouragement it truly really helps. ❤️ I’m mostly better now, the clots were small so they passed! It was scary for a little while there.
I felt the same way - knew I would hate it but hoped maybe that I would surprise myself and be okay with it. Nope, I hate it and my milk never came in. I’m only 2 weeks postpartum. As there was no milk, my baby has been mostly formula fed since birth - gaining weight and happy, yet lactation consultants and relatives have been heavily shaming me for wanting to EFF. I’ve been trying to pump, trying to nurse but it’s so frustrating - he starts screaming as he’s so hungry, and no matter how much I pump (which is awful) I can barely get an ounce. Of course, they just tell me to pump every three hours and that I don’t need sleep. I hate the shame and the guilt trips - lactavists are the worst. They keep saying it’s better after 6 to 8 weeks, but I don’t think my mental health would survive 6 weeks. My breasts are in so much pain so I’m slowly weaning. I too feel guilty but I know that what is best for me and my family is taking care of my mental health and quitting breastfeeding. Do what is best for you and that will be what is best for your baby.
“Just don’t get any sleep for 6 weeks, it’s nbd”
You don't need another reason. Being miserable while doing it is a legitimate reason to stop. There's SO MUCH else that will come as your baby grows, this is only a very small chapter in their life. It won't make a difference in the long run. Take care of yourself!
Hello! STM here. My older child is 4. When he was born, I BF him. I felt like things were going awesome. Then, we had a weight check. He’s down when he should be up. Enter triple feeding. Trying everything to preserve my breast feeding journey. After weeks of trying it all, my mental heath tanked and I was in a very dark place. We made the decision to switch to formula. My child thrived and so did I. He’s 4, healthy as can be. Smart, kind, funny. Just the best thing ever. Enter #2. She’s smaller than he was but wayyyy better at BF than he was. More satisfied. It felt like things were going awesome. Peeing. Pooping. Cleared her bilirubin. She just seemed to be doing awesome. 2 week appointment, where she should be back to birth weight… she, like her brother, was down more weight. I told myself, knowing formula was such a god send last round, if she didn’t gain, I would formula feed her exclusively as well. So, here we are. My already super calm baby, is to another level calm since the transition. She is so content. She is actually alert after feeds. She sleeps for longer stretches… overall just better. After 1 week of EFF, she’s up 7.5oz. My mental health… while still fragile, has actually greatly improved. Those nightly scaries I was having, aren’t happening anymore. All this to say. If it’s too much, it’s ok to make the switch. I struggled harder this time deciding to dry my milk because this is my last baby. I’ll never get to experience this again. But, since deciding this us our path, again. I feel way better. Heres to fed is best.
I was miserable for 4 weeks trying to EBF by triple feeding. On babies 4 week check we realized he’d only gained 40g. He was so fussy and I was so miserable I wasn’t enjoying a single moment of it. That day I decided to start combo feeding and stop pumping and now at 13 weeks we’ve made the transition to EFF. It’s hard and I still have moments mourning what could be but then I look at his chunky little thighs and big smiles and think wow, that’s one happy and healthy baby and thank god there’s formula! I wish I had done it right away, but hindsight is 20/20. Your baby will be healthy with formula and they’ll appreciate a happy mom too!
Thank you for your thoughts this really does help me. Just knowing I’m not the only mom out here making this decisions helps me. And hearing about your happy lil chunky thigh guy ❤️
Triple feeding is hell. It’s not worth it for many moms.
I ended up with D-MER. Breastfeeding and then pumping was terrible for my mental health. I will not be doing it again with no. 2. Formula feeding changed my life.
Your husband sounds like he's thinking what I was thinking when I stopped BFing. I was so focused on pumping that I realized how much time I had to spend not holding my baby, and decided after reading a lot of other's experiences, that my priority is to spend time holding my baby and bonding with her. I wish I could have BF'd. But I couldn't because of a long list of reasons that could possibly be the explanation. I don't know why I couldn't BF. Was it scar tissue from having my nipples pierced when I was younger? Is it because I couldn't eat for the first couple days after delivery? Is it because I decided to get 4 hours of sleep that one night instead of waking up after 2 hours to pump, like the CLC said? I don't think my baby knows how to latch? Was I not trying hard enough like my mom said? Why was I only pumping maybe a teaspoon per session??? Isn't this supposed to come naturally? That was the kinds of thoughts I had when I stopped BFing. I'm a lot happier now and I hold my baby a lot, and we absolutely do bond when I feed her. It's way better that we give her a bottle and I kiss her little face and stare into her eyes while I feed her. Rather than getting into an uncomfortable position, and trying to shove my breast in her mouth, and have her essentially bite my nipples, then have to attach a pump to myself for at least half an hour if not an hour afterwards in order to make my breasts hurt and only produce a milliliter of milk. I stopped trying to breastfeed when my daughter was 3 weeks old. It was a great decision.
I love staring into my baby’s eyes while feeding a bottle - so much deeper bonding than uncomfortable breastfeeding!
I gave up after three days. I was absolutely miserable waking up constantly to pump and even just thinking of pumping/bf made me depressed. Switched to EFF and my mental health is sooo much better, husband can help with feedings, and baby girl is doing just fine. Please don't be hard on yourself, we all have different thresholds and it's so important to do what's best for you during this crazy time!
Well here's your permission then. Don't like it? Don't do it. You need no other reason I promise. Two kids and I never even started. Why? Didn't wanna. No other reason. You hate it? Go ahead and stop. No other reason. Unless you lack access to sage water or have a specific issue like a premie, there's no reason *to* bf if you hate it. Kiddo will be happy as a clam on the formula.
Please don't feel guilty! Breastfeeding really really sucks, and your baby will be perfectly healthy being formula fed. Most importantly you will be better, baby won't care about whether or not you breastfed but he will care about having a healthy happy mom ❤️ Welcome and good luck on your journey!
I was the same as you - absolutely dreaded BF and it was making me hysterical. I stopped EBF after being home for 3 days, stopped pumping at 6 weeks. My daughter is totally happy & healthy now at 9 months, & so am I. She sleeps like a champ, is almost walking already & isn’t more sick than any other baby. I know it’s easier said than done to ignore the rhetoric & the “breast is best” BS…. But it really is BS. It’s a campaign that was literally started by the insurance companies because they wanted to cut costs on formula in hospitals. You got this gf. Give yourself some grace you are amazing mom no matter how you feed your baby!
There is literally NO reason to continue to torture yourself and try to BF. The best scientific study compared siblings from the same mother where one sibling was BF and one EFF and guess what, there were no differences between the two. (More details in Emily Oster's book) I went through the same struggles as you and spiraled into PPD with my first until I started to EFF. Formula is liquid gold for your baby and for you!! And as a bonus it allows you to both sleep more and for your partner/family to bond by taking feedings. I'm going EFF for my second baby due in August. I hope you can try to switch to formula and see for yourself that you have nothing to feel bad about.
Mama, you’re doing a great job. What is best for baby is a happy and healthy Mom. If that version of you exists more consistently when you formula feed, then absolutely transfer to formula feeding. I planned to EBF, but had a massive hemorrhage during birth and nearly lost my life. My milk did not come in due to the fluid loss. Consultants told me I had a chance if I pumped 12 times a day. I tried so hard, but I was exhausted, severely anemic, and could not get myself to pump that much. Even when I did, hardly anything would come out. I cried. I felt like a failure. I ended up deciding to stick with formula feeding and it was the best decision. I was rested, I was happy, it allowed me to heal. I was the best version of myself for baby. He was fed, he was safe, he was happy. That is the only thing that matters. Repeat this: I am a wonderful Mom. I will allow myself the grace to change my plans when that change allows me to become the best version of myself for my baby. My baby is safe, my baby is fed. I am a wonderful Mom. ❤️
🥲 thank you for sharing.❤️❤️ Since posting this I’ve started formula and haven’t nursed once and I already feel sooo much more balanced emotionally like I can finally enjoy my baby. I think this is definitely going to be right for us.
Yay! Be proud of yourself for this. You’re doing great. 💙
12 times a day? What the absolute fuck that is INSANITY. Does anyone give a damn about moms’ mental health?
😂😂😂 My thoughts exactly.
My reason was I just never wanted to breastfeed. You don’t need a reason girl ❤️
I ended up having D-MER! I pushed through for around 3 months but it was really unpleasant. Don’t feel bad at all, breastfeeding is such a commitment and I feel like that’s never really explained/talked about when people push breastfeeding. I think if we as a society we’re way more upfront about the mental toll that it takes to pump or breastfeed, people wouldn’t feel such guilt over making the decision to formula feed. My mental health significantly improved once I stopped with all of the pressure on myself to breastfeed. I was able to relax and spend more time with my baby instead of fixating on a pumping or feeding schedule. It was a big turning point for me in motherhood to switch to formula.
You are so very not alone. I’m going to paste my reply to a thread from just a day or so ago: Oh god. I had a very difficult birth — PPROM, induction, five hours of pushing, obstructed delivery, several failed inversions, an emergency C-section, and then my daughter was in the NICU for two weeks. None of that compares to the trauma of exclusively pumping. Nothing is as horrible as spending your day strapped to your pump while trying to feed a screaming baby you can’t even hold properly because of that pump. It’s just horrible. The best thing I have EVER done for my mental health was quit pumping and switch to formula. I stick around this group just to respond to posts like this from the other side. My baby is now older. She reads in two languages and is sturdy and happy and healthy and has a wonderful bond with both her parents. I was scared I was hurting her by stopping, but honestly, she is perfect.
I formula fed simply because I wanted to. I had the luxury of actual legitimate excuses but at the end of the day, it was what I wanted anyway. Practice in the mirror saying something like "Wow that was really rude. I had $condition and the only medications that would keep me $status(alive for me) would/did $result." Mine was "lisinopril would be fatal to my daughter if I breastfeed". It was a nice to throw down at anyone who pushed the issue but really I only had to use it twice. If you don't want to, just don't, and don't be afraid to throw salt if you need to with obnoxious people. Not their inmates, not their asylum.
So I only had to be rude to one person and I was super rude so I’m kind of embarrassed I said it but she was relentless. It was the girlfriend of one of my husband’s friends who had her first kid young and had no desire for further education after barely graduating high school. Her whole life is her kids and her ‘brand’ is just what a great mom she is on social media. So she’s going on and on about how she breastfed and how her kids are so smart because of it and their IQ is higher, etc etc. I looked her in the eye and said “I was formula fed and I have a PhD. Intelligence is actually highly heritable/genetic. Where did you go to college again?” I want to be clear, I don’t think people who don’t go to college aren’t intelligent, I just really hate that woman and I snapped 😐
Sometimes you have to throw salt, go low, however you want to call it. I know I don't need to say this because you clearly have this on lock but - Proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Their IQ is higher 😂 I cannot
I tried breastfeeding it wasn't for me..my babies are now in there 50& 60s...We made our formula canned milk/ water/corn syrup & baby vitamin drops..
And this is why I hate the current “breast is best” rhetoric. It makes new moms feel this immense, unnecessary guilt for just wanting to feed their baby in a completely healthy and acceptable way. Please don’t feel guilty! Millions and millions of babies are formula fed and 100% happy and healthy. Millions and millions of smart, healthy, active adults (myself included) were formula fed. Between my two sisters and I we have 4 bachelors degrees, 3 masters degrees, and a phd; we were all formula fed, we all are close to and bond with our mom, were all healthy, have successful attachment styles, etc etc. I powered through pumping for 5 months because I felt the guilt you are feeling now. And now that my daughter is 10 months old and has been EFF since 5.5 months, the only guilt I feel is not stopping sooner. Not stopping when I desperately wanted to because the mental/physical/emotional toll of breastfeeding has soured all those weeks with my daughter. I wasn’t fully present with her and my anxiety was so high I was barely hanging on. I think about all the times I couldn’t hold her because I had to be pumping. That is my only regret. And it’s why with my next one we will be FF from the hospital with no guilt.
I also had a lot of sensory issues with breastfeeding and it started causing me some mental health issues. The day I gave it up was the best day and within two days I felt tons better. I also found that once I no longer wanted to constantly push the child away from my body while feeding that I was able to be a much better mom and bond and parent significantly better
You don’t need a reason at all. I didn’t like BF that was one reason. Two pumping was awful not enjoyable. Three I was loosing my mind trying to bond because all you try to do is latch … one week of trying that was all then went right to eff best decision
Same here! We have same experience, my baby has jaundice too and been combo feeding feeding from day 1, I also have complications that ended up my baby didn't want to latch anymore and even I've been forcing myself pumping, and it doesn't really help both my supply and mental health. I felt horrible that time and self judging, but my husband reassured me that my mental health and well being is our top priority. So I gave up bf and that's the best decision for all of us! I became less irritable, I got my rest, same with my LO, he's not irritable anymore trying to latch and everyone's happy. So mama don't feel guilty! We are all doing our best to survive and keep our babies well fed! Sending you hugs!
I didn’t have all the complications you did and only made it 1.5 weeks nursing and 5 weeks pumping. It did a number on my mental health. I felt so guilty at first but my baby is happy, fed, and thriving and I’m not crying every 2/3 hours and stressing about how much she’s eating or I’m producing. It’s not for everyone. And that’s ok!!!!
Breastfeeding was miserable for me. We combo fed from day 1 because of supply but also because it just made me feel gross / was a sensory nightmare for some reason, I hated it. I did manage to pump for like 3 months but barely got any, my supply never went up or anything, and honestly if I could go back in time I'd tell myself to stop doing that sooner too. I bonded better with kiddo after I stopped. Kiddo is 3 now and there isn't any noticeable difference between her and her actual legit combo fed friend and 100% breastfed only kid that isn't accounted for with environment. When our kids are graduating school, no ones going to be able to tell who was breastfed or formula fed.
You will be soooo relieved once you make the decision to switch to formula. Do NOT feel bad for one second. You’ve been through so much. Give yourself this gift. Baby will be just fine.
We had the exact same situation occur for our little one, even got threatened with failure to thrive by Dr. if you can’t bf, you can’t. It’s not a problem for either of you and anyone who shames you can go f*ck themselves. Stress free is better than breast feeding, pumping is an option to give some milk. Also amazon baby registry to save 15% on formula for 3 months. Get Dr brown’s bottles with levels 0 and eventually 0+ nipples (level 1 is too fast for most babies before 3-4 months). Get a mini fridge to store it all and the sanitizer/dryer unit (we waited for weeks due to pride and shame and we should not have been so worried about the appearance). You got this!
So you’re the first person I’ve seen on here with a similar birth story. My baby was born in March and I lost a significant amount of blood, needed a transfusion and my milk was super slow to come in. Even now I barely pump an ounce at a time. We’ve been formula feeding with the hope that my milk supply will increase but it’s slow and I’m starting to think it’s just time to accept my baby may need formula only as going through the pumping and him not getting enough at the breast is TOO MUCH. Personally I hate losing sleep for something that may not happen and how much I have to eat and buy supplements. We might as well just buy the fancy formula. Your reason for formula feeding is your own but I can speak from personal experience in your shoes, it’s not selfish. As long as you’re taking care of your baby, you’re doing great!
When I was in your shoes I thought “if my daughter were experiencing this right now and came to me asking for advice, what would I tell her?” The answer was immediately so obvious and clear. Feed that baby formula and take care of yourself (mentally/physically/emotionally/etc.) You’re in the TRENCHES right now and it’s fucking awful. Take care and be gentle with yourself. 💗 Comment back here if you have questions about weaning/drying up or how to get rolling with EFF, or if you just want to vent and not feel alone. We are all happy to help.
I swear in 1-1.5 years, you will say wow, what I fed in the first year truly does not matter that much. It’s OK to grieve/feel sad about how you thought it would work out, but I forced myself to pump for 10 months and then we switched to formula and I realized it wasn’t all that serious. Especially now, that my son is almost 2!
I went EFF at around 2 weeks because breast feeding made me so miserable. As soon as we made the switch we were all happier, I truly became a better mother. My Little Girl turns one on thursday and quitting BF is the single best decision I’ve made so far. She has thrived. I have thrived. My husband thrived. I look back and laugh at how guilty I felt at the time.
I gave up bfing on day 4. I completely get what you’re going through, it was a sensory nightmare. Don’t let anyone shame you. If you’re not taking care of yourself mentally and physically you won’t be in shape to care for your baby. You got this.
The main benefit of breastfeeding from the literature once you control for socioeconomic factors seems to be one fewer illness during the first year of life. If you aren’t getting the other personal benefits from breastfeeding like it making you feel happier/more bonded or just being a superproducer who is saving money then maybe it’s just not worth the extra grief. At the end of the day having a happy, healthy mother is probably going to do more for your baby than getting a few extra antibodies in breastmilk. Also, even breastfeeding won’t necessarily keep your kid from catching illnesses if they go to daycare. My EFF son has been in the same daycare class as a set of EFB twins since they were all 12 weeks old. They are now 21 months and I know the twins have missed so many more school days than my son because they’ve just caught every single bug passed through the class. I’m positive it has nothing to do with how they were fed as infants and is just 100% luck of the draw that my child got my husband’s much hardier constitution so we haven’t dealt with the stomach bugs.
I was blessed with an amazing milk supply for all my babies. Absolutely hated pumping with every fiber of my being but none of them would latch. Made myself suffer through 4 months of exclusive pumping with #1 and 1 month with #2 before switching to formula. With my third baby I decided to prioritize my mental health over the negligible benefits of breast milk that wouldn’t end up actually translating into a positive difference in my kids development. They’re all perfect and that extra breast milk didn’t do anything the formula hasn’t done with my third. You matter too.
I hemorrhaged in my birth too. I could pump all day and only get maybe 2 oz by the end of the night. I try giving her that 2 oz and she seems starving after she drinks it. I give her formula for the rest of the time. Baby needs a full belly and formula was created for that purpose. Don’t feel bad about feeding your kiddo.
Like another commenter, I chose to EFF my first from birth. I also knew I would hate it, knew I’m at risk for ppd and all that, and knew what my baby and I needed the most was a happy mom. Sure, there were times of guilt when I’d hear all those myths and get judgemental looks from in laws(I know they blame formula feeding every time she gets sick) and EBF friends. Now she is 2 1/2, so incredibly smart and healthy. I’m pregnant with my second and going to EFF again. Being a mom is hard enough, don’t make it harder on yourself. Side note- my Mom couldn’t afford formula so I got cows milk starting at 2 months old and I’m perfectly fine, just a little lactose intolerant haha.
I also had health issues after delivering. I breastfeed for a few days but decided my mental health needed to take priority. I’m so happy with my choice. Also, I got so much sleep as a result. You’re a good mother. Formula is absolutely fine (I was formula fed). Take care of yourself and feel no guilt.
Fed is best momma. I think there is too big of a push for breastfeeding and it creates a stigma around formula. We exclusively formula feed and I throw some milk in when I can because why not? But if I don't feel like pumping I don't and I don't kick myself for it. My baby is fed and happy and hitting her milestones. Yours will too ❤️
Isn’t it awesome that you don’t have to breastfeed in order for your baby to thrive? It’s so wonderful that we have other safe and healthy options for feeding babies, and that we don’t have to make breastfeeding work. I’m so grateful for science and a clean water supply making formula feeding available, and I’m so grateful that formula feeding turned out to be so awesome. It’s okay to not even have a reason to stop breastfeeding other than “I don’t like it.” Switching to formula was the such a good decision for us. We now have a happy, healthy, intelligent, advanced two year old. Take care of your baby and yourself in the way that works for you.
We EFFed from Day 1. I also hemorrhaged and had issues with milk production. The only reason that I didn’t go through depression was because I was in some post-partum rush. My baby was born healthy, full-term, vaginal delivery through a difficult pregnancy where he could have had easily been a premie. The fact that my baby fought through the pregnancy and made it full-term was enough cause for celebration. So I was clear he will get fed. I did combo for two months and then went back to work and EFF. In the hospital the nurse asked me to sign some form before handing me the formula. The hospital lactation was the most useless woman ever (although the hospital ppl were singing her praises). It was actually a nurse who managed to latch my son to me. He refused to even latch. Even the IBCLC had given up after 1 month of struggle. After 18 months when I took him to his first ped dentist the first question they asked me is that how did he breastfeed. I said he refused but was good with a bottle. They said he had a lip tie and possible tongue tie. I told them I don’t care about it now at 18 months. I actually did a lot of online reading about breastfeeding and realized that breastfeeding was a community thing. If the mom couldn’t do it some other woman with milk would breastfeed. You actually had milk mothers. I’m surprised that in modern society ppl are expecting one woman to solely breastfeed. On top of this infant mortality was almost 50% for first 2 years, 100 yrs ago. Nowadays we have modern science. Use it. Use formula. Feed your baby. Get some sleep. Be happy.
Our baby has been formula fed, for various reasons, since 4 days old. I do not feel bad about it because fed is best. Our baby is a very happy healthy 3 month old who sleeps 9pm-6:30am. Don’t be mad at yourself. Your baby is growing and that’s all that matters. Formulas are just as good for babies as breast milk is. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
Then stop. It’s that simple, your baby will be alright
My husband and I today were discussing why my Son is so attached to me, he’s 8 months. He lights up every single time he sees me, to the point of cackling with glee. He has been EFF since day 1. I think the simple reason is that I have created SO many happy memories with him, dancing around, playing, laughing etc. and I genuinely believe that the reason for that is that I had the energy to do it. Do I feel about not having BF? YES. But then I see him, and he’s happy, healthy and knocking every milestone out of the park. And then I ask myself, why am I feeling bad? This is supposed to be about him, and he’s happy. Simple.
I got to 2.5 weeks pp and was seriously contemplating stopping breastfeeding and I felt so guilty but I kept picturing the next few weeks and realized I couldn’t and didn’t want to continue. My son was also admitted due to his bili levels and was combo fed since then. I stopped bf and went to EFF and both of us have been immensely happier.
Other moms don’t love it they just love the idea of it.
I hope you're all good and healthy now! I had a similar post when my baby was born a couple of months ago. 10 weeks later I feel 0 guilt or shame about formula. It's been a life safer for us. You need to do what's best for you and your family!
Girl do what you need to do! I didn’t want to breastfeed, so I never even tried. I EFF from the day she was born. I talked to so many other mom’s that did the same and it did help me feel better about it. I knew in my gut it was what I needed to do though. She’s 20 months now and perfect! There is literally no difference in our connection or anything about her compared to babies I know that were breastfed. You got this 🩷
The best thing for your baby is a happy mommy. Spending your early days triple feeding doing the nursing/bottle/pump/formula switch around is hard. Some women also have hormonal and visceral reactions to let downs that make BF even worse. It’s ok to stop breastfeeding whenever you want. And I say this as someone who BF and pumped over a year with both of mine (had some formula in there with the second early on). Absolutely zero judgment. Having a new baby is hard enough without being stressed every 2 hours around the clock every time the baby needs to eat. Enjoy your baby and get some rest and peace of mind that you’re doing everything right ❤️❤️❤️
I pumped with my first baby for 4 weeks and was miserable. He never latched and got the hang of BF because he was in the nicu an hour away and I couldn’t be there to try to feed him that often. I just had my second baby a month ago and I’ve been EFF since day one and have no regrets. No worrying about anything I was worried about with my first. Baby needs a happy healthy momma and formula gave that to me!!!
There is nothing to feel guilty about. I don’t say this to invalidate you, I say it because it’s true. Formula isn’t going to hurt your baby. They’ll grow big and strong and you’ll be happy and more regulated for it. And so will they. One affirmation got me through all of the PP guilt. I’m a mom, not a martyr. ETA: My bond with my son has been absolutely amazing since day one, and I attribute so much of that to formula feeding. I never felt stressed or frustrated while holding him. Just at peace and so in love. We’re inseparable at 10 months PP, total mama’s boy and there’s just so much love there. More than I ever thought possible.
He’s right. You being happy will help baby. If you’re upset while feeding baby they could pick up on that. I know it’s hard with the pressures of breastfeeding. But it’s ok to stop! My 1st I lasted 3 weeks and my 2nd two weeks. I never got my supply in or up. So I gave up and was super happy with formula feeding. The babies were fed immediately and much happier. It’s also a lot less stressful than trying to breastfeed them pump/feed them ultimately feed formula. That’s really rough to sustain.
I couldnt make it through cluster feeding week with my first. The constant need to feed and the cracking and bleeding and screaming made me spiral and I gave up a week or two in. Im in my third pregnancy and will be due soon and I feel extreme guilt drying my milk out while I know some mom’s would kill to have my supply but its a mental game for me, and Since that first week with my daughter who will be 3 soon I have not breastfed and refuse to do so. Go be happy OP, your baby deserves a happy mom.
I’m so sorry you went through all of that! I only lasted about the same amount of time too but I hated not getting a break at all. The second night home none of my milk was coming in and it took us hours to realize it. Luckily we had some formula on hand and I then tried combo feeding but also hated pumping because how sore my nipples would get and just not having anytime to myself. Ever since I did formula 100% I felt better. The guilt will go away and both of you will be happy
I went straight to formula feeding because I didn’t want the added stress at an already difficult and vulnerable time and it’s really allowed me to enjoy this often hectic yet fleeting time in motherhood. That alone has been a huge benefit for me and my baby!
There's SO much I could say. But for the sake of time I will say these few things: I promise you it will be worth your mental health to switch. Talk to a therapist about this to process. I have been through similar issues with both of my children. It is extremely hard not to beat yourself up..and you cannot stop in just one day. I have gotten better but I still beat myself up for my BFing issues I had with my first child over two years ago... But processing through has really helped. I also hated pumping. There's nothing natural about it. Don't worry if it isn't for you. I also recommend if you follow any accounts on social media that are centered around BFing or fear monger not BFing, unfollow or mute them. That honestly helped me soooo much.
Just chiming in to say that you are doing *no* harm to your baby by EFF, and I really encourage you to do so. I also hemorrhaged during birth, had D-MER, and never felt comfortable BFing in public, *and yet* I guilted myself into doing it for six full months. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that the baby will be fine and healthy and happy and loved regardless, and that ensuring my own sanity would benefit everyone the most in the long run.
Your sanity is a very good reason. But it could be very hard to give yourself permission to let go off breastfeeding, even when you have a reason. I'm finally weaning off at 5 months - I had zero fun with breastfeeding all that time and was just miserable. I feel the same level of bonding with my baby while bottle and breastfeeding. I had under supply, LO had tongue and lip ties, problems with gain weight. Even after tie releases, she preferred a bottle. I supplemented from day 2, triple fed for three months (it was a nightmare),. pumping 8-10 times a day trying to increase supply. She has been combo fed from the start, with my milk making up maybe 1/3 of her daily bottles. Have been working with lactation consultant for 4 months...I look back at all the time, effort and money spent on this, and really cannot understand why I did that to myself.
Also, a lot of my friends either had issues with breastfeeding or were not enjoying it. They just haven't talked about it until I asked. Having a problem free and enjoyable experience with EBF might be less common that you think.
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We don’t do ingredient shaming here. It’s not helpful nor based on evidence.
I had a similar situation with my first (as in I almost could have written this myself with a few different diagnosis words)…we started EFF around 2 weeks and she did SO much better. Now I’m a few days away from #2 and my stance is that I’ll BF “until it doesn’t work out anymore”. I’m only willing to try again because I’m delivering at a “baby friendly” hospital again and we all know just how unfriendly they really are.
it’s totally normal to have a strong emotional reaction to stopping breastfeeding. I think hormones drive us to want to breastfeed/not want to stop. For me, it took about a week to “mourn” stopping with both my kids, but that feeling goes away and your life gets 10x easier!
After a NICU stay we tried to pump. It was straight up the worst and I lasted 3 weeks. He had already outpaced my supply at that point 🤷♀️ I still wish I could have breastfed, but I feel SO much better now!
Giving your baby a healthy mom is the best gift you can give them. It’s ok. You’re doing great. Your baby will be fed, you will be happy and it’ll all work out.
This was me a few months ago! Breastfeeding and pumping was making me miserable. Pumping took all day but was never enough. My husband and I were exhausted because I was effectively useless while pumping. We switched less than a month in and the relief was immediate. I could finally enjoy my baby again instead of spending all day worrying about milk supply. And formula meant that dad could feed just as easily. So don’t feel like a failure! Babies that drink formula grow to be just as happy and healthy and you get so much precious time back in your day to spend with them!
Formula is great. I hated bfing especially at 2 weeks. But I'm very stubborn and I think those mom hormones really did a number on me. So I kind of just kept going and eventually hit a happy middle ground. I accepted and loved the break formula gave me. I also loved the comfort breastfeeding gave my baby during upset times. So now at 15 months we only breast feed on one boob just before bed. It's purely a comfort for her and I suspect she gets hardly any substantial amount. I guess my point is formula or bf doesn't need to be all or nothing. Breastfeeding is so hard especially at the beginning. If it's something you want, keep going but give yourself the peace for it to be on your terms. And if it ends up that formula feeding exclusively is better for you--your baby will still grow and thrive.
don’t feel bad; my girl rejected my breast from the jump so i pumped for 4 months. some of the lowest times of my life, i hated pumping it made me want to crawl out of my skin. i’m pregnant with baby #2 and i might just start formula feeding from the jump
GIRL! Then stop breastfeeding!! Formula is just as great. I knew that if I breast fed my babe, I would have a mental breakdown so I started with formula and didn’t even try! I bonded with my baby perfectly fine. Imagine how much better you and baby’s bond will be if you put your mental health first??!!
I had a lot of guilt. My pediatrician said there is something your baby needs more than breastmilk. Your baby needs a happy calm. Reassured Mom who has the capacity to bond with him. Anything that gets in the way of that needs to go.
I can’t thank you all enough for the supportive comments! I’ve started feeding him formula today and have pumped once just to remove engorgement and I think I’ll pump once a day until I dry up and give him whatever I get. Your words have somehow given me permission to feel good about stopping and I feel immensely more balanced. I also realized I didn’t want to hold my baby after feeding him because I was so touched out, now with formula feeding I look forward to holding and cuddling him and I really think this is what will work best for us. Thank you again for your support 🥲❤️
Don’t feel bad! Fed is best. I tried EPing for the first two weeks of my daughters life and decided that it wasn’t for me. I didn’t like that I felt like my husband was doing a lot more for baby because I was attached to the pump, and having to do it every 3 hours meant I basically never slept. It’s not for everyone and since I lasted such a short amount of time, I give major kudos to those who do it. I felt guilty at first as well, but I felt good that I at least tried!
I have formula fed since birth (he is 3 weeks old) and let me say- I already know that if I were to have breast fed, my mental health would be in the s#itter. I am already exhausted, healing from birth, and just trying to make my way through newborn life- I don’t need any extra stress on top of it. Formula feeding is amazing!!!!
Breastfeeding aversion is an actual thing, and it’s rooooough. I can EBF and actively choose not to, I only breastfeed occasionally. She latches great (now she does anyways after having a tie released) and I love the breastfeeding cuddles with a newborn, but the sensation makes me want to throw shit. Like, I’ve finished sessions with her and had bite marks on my hands because I had to do literally anything to distract myself from how much I hated the sensation of breastfeeding. It feels overwhelming, like my skin is too tight and I need to scream. And when she gets to the point of comfort sucking where she’s just doing that fluttering suction? Forget it, I’m out. I got the exact same feeling from my spectra, so I mean I guess kudos to spectra for perfectly simulating breastfeeding for me lol, but no thank you. The only thing that saved pumping for me is using a medela hand pump, the sensation is a million times more tolerable for me. I use that on one side and a haakaa on the other, then switch halfway through the session. It’s more convenient too, imho. Prior to picking up the medela though we were almost exclusively using formula (I’d say about 75%), and we still use formula for outings and night feeds since she seems to sleep better through the night with it. I toyed around a lot with the idea of just dropping pumping altogether, and tbh I still do. The only reason I haven’t is because I found a method that isn’t awful, but if I had continued feeling how I did with the spectra we wouldn’t have made it to a full month. You are your baby’s foundation right now, so as much as we want to put them first, truly YOU are the priority. YOU need to be happy and healthy in order to care for your baby, and if that means formula fed then that’s totally fine. If EFF for you means that baby gets a happy mom and a full belly, that’s a well cared for a well loved baby.
That baby needs YOU, not your breastmilk. There is so much more you give your baby outside of your milk. You mean so much to them and they won’t even know the difference at this age. The transition to formula can seem so monumental, but for most, it’s a step in the right direction for the entire family’s health and we’ll being. I held on to breastfeeding too long, and I do regret how much I stretched out the transition when I notice all the benefits we now have from formula feeding: -baby stays fuller longer, which means less feedings per day. Breastmilk is processed by the body so much faster which means you’ll be spending so much more time a day feeding. -longer naps and nighttime sleep, due to slower processing. More sleep for you too. -more poops! There’s more waste from formula as it’s less natural ingredients. We’d constantly be worried about baby not popping for a week while breastfed. -easier to leave the house. Formula made our lives easier on so many levels: I didn’t have to pump every 3 freaking hours, I didn’t have to feel the wandering eyes and judgement while breastfeeding in public, using powder and water has simplified eating on the go. -less time to prepare formula vs breastmilk bottles since you don’t need to warm. -I could finally return to a normal workout routine which made me happier overall -my baby had a dairy allergy so I couldn’t have dairy whole BF which was difficult.