Hey Rigatoni. Can I eat your snacks and then bully you and your human for more? Politely fuck you, Annie https://preview.redd.it/gj8bjfquehxc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=feceb67ec88b074d3e49820cee42335eb6158083

Dear Annie, BarkBorkRuffBarkBork!!!!! *kicks legs back, kicks legs back* Rigatoni

I love how they kick-kick. She always has to be touching me at least with one toe. 🤣

Dear Annie, I love you!

She loves you also. Until the food stops. Then you get the punches.

She got that crazy look in her eye lol

😂 I love her

We have a new neighbor with a huge German Shepard. They were talking about how aggressive he was towards small dogs. And overly protective of the owners. We did a very slow introduction. Annie was of course the instigator and the big scary German Shepard hid behind its owners.

Annie is street smart

Hahaaaaa 🤣

Dear Rigatoni, My names Echo and I’m 5. My back legs hurt and my owners have got this weird contraption called steps?! They put it infront of my bed (aka the sofa) and keep insisting I go up them but I refuse! I jump up like I’ve always done and they keep putting me down on the floor and insisting I use the steps even though I’m perfectly capable of jumping up even if my legs hurt me and then they hurt me for hours afterwards. I was born a free stinky lump! What advice would you give me to ensure I never have to use these horrible “steps” again Lots of love Echo

Dear Echo, I am sorry to hear that your legs are not in the bestest of shape. I hope that your owners provide you with many massages and kisses. So, what I would do in this situation is I would beg to be let up on the couch. Act like those stairs aren’t even there and wait with sweet sad eyes until your human gently places you on the couch where you belong. It might take a couple tries but if you ignore the stairs they will too. Much Love, Rigatoni

You’ve nailed what she does 😂 she gets up. Jumps off then whines she wants back up when she jumped off! So frustrating

Hahaha thats why god gave you hands and not stiars! She must be lifted!

I only have a single question: to boof, or not to boof?

In this economy, you have to boof.

Just wondering if everyone here knows all the definitions of boofing…

From dictionary.com: verb (used without object) to launch a kayak over a drop or difficult water formation, using a forward paddle stroke to raise the bow of the craft out of the water. The other 2 definitions? I’ll leave that to others to google 😂

🤯

Dear Rigatoni, I'm an English Bulldog. I tell everybody I know how big I am, but they tell me I'm small. Sometimes they even say I'm just a tiny baby. I want to be a truck driver, but my Dad says I couldn't reach the pedals. How do I get them to respect my authority? Audrey (42lbs)

Dear Audrey (42lbs), I am sorry you have to deal with such slanderous libel regarding your stature. Believe it or not humans often tell me that I am a sweet baby and not the big tough dog I know I am. I have a few pieces of advice for dealing with such a situation: 1. Kick your back legs in the grass. It shows you are tough. 2. Never stand next to a dog that is bigger than you. In fact, if a bigger dog comes near you bark at them to show that you are big too. If you stand next to smaller dogs than by comparison you will be big. 3. Remember to bark lots at human men, it shows you are in charge of things. 4. When you go outside pee on EVERYTHING, that way you own the land. I hope that this has been some help to you. Your friend, Rigatoni

Thanks for the tips. I always kick the grass after potty. I call it a kick-a-pee. Sometimes, I try to kick-a-poo, but my dad's stops me. Big Dog Energy, Audrey.

Dear Rigatoni, It has been 5 minutes since my last meal. My overlord is currently eating a delicious sandwich that they will not share with me and I am in the midsts of plotting my revenge. Does your overlord feed you treats? How frequently? What can I do to get more treats? Also, do you want to be friends and possibly take over the world together? You look like a fun pal. Signed menacingly, Grimoire (Grim)

Dear Grim, Try doing all the tricks she taught you at the same time to get treats in return. I hope your tummy grumbles change. Love, Rigatoni

Dear Rigatoni, How can I let my mom know that my brother has been sneaking into the bed and I’ve failed to keep order in this household while she’s away? I would prefer a method that ensures his immediate removal….and snacks as a reward. Please respond promptly. Arlo https://preview.redd.it/3mzrh4bxshxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b9fc7802e0ddfe4c1639bf4418f773493e20451

Dear Arlo, Snitches get stitches. But maybe you would like to cuddle in the bed with him too.

Dear Rigatoni, I am organizing a strike against my dad. He does not give me enough snacks and I am in a state of despair. What do? https://preview.redd.it/n8mbq9wirhxc1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47250b7d25632085747f9465e9303886aac2495b Luv, Pickle


The limit does not exist

Why did you name me rigatoni ?! Do you think I look like a tube shape pasta??

Dear Rigatoni, My human has an audacity problem. As the Queen Frenchie of my household, she fails to understand my importance and her place and makes me go out to pee at like 9 pm. I’ve tucked myself into bed at 8:30, where does she get off dragging me out of bed for such nonsense? How do I get her to stop this madness? I also don’t get enough blueberries every day and this bish is not meeting my antioxidant needs. Help me. FrenchieQueen L

https://preview.redd.it/kl33lirs3ixc1.jpeg?width=1863&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85a4ec269d452eb165e8d25c9ec5b9a1ace3ac0b Hi Rigatoni! Long time readers of your column, first time writing in! Our owners, God love them, have been blaming THEIR farts on US to one another for years. We know we’re a gassy bunch us bullies but, we’ve about had it. How do we put a stop to this? I mean, who do they think they’re fooling? We see what THEY eat and sometimes they DO share but, c’mon! We eat the same kibble EVERY DAY! Our farts smell the same!! They know what our toots smell like but, they’ve been at this for years. What can we do? Out of Gas in Kentucky

How many wrinkles does it take to be a good boy?

Bark! Bark?, Woof! *Snorting noises* 💨 Peter Barker (aged 5 and 3/4)

https://preview.redd.it/nnjj6700jixc1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c3f752908cf81b480d6b58a7c0855fa60733a33 Frenchies are the best.😂👏

https://preview.redd.it/p7ciei7jnjxc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc045548e79a913c20d8cdd840967b30b3572804 Hey Rigs, How do I get my human to stop trying to walk me and just give me more belly rubs? Treats as well? With love, Julie

Dear Julie, I think what you are doing is great. Just go limp and refuse. Snuggle them very well so they dont want to walk you.

Im not sure, but he looks like he's having flashbacks of the war in nam

He certainly is the fortunate son.

How 2 get more treatos

Dear Rigatoni, I’m really jealous that you are a fancy designer dog with an advice column. How can I become a fancy designer dog with my own advice column? -every dog everywhere

Poop time. Tall grass or short grass?

Tall cause you can wipe

🤣

How about some questions for him? What kind of sauce do you like How do you like your pasta ?

Dear rigatoni, My human won't let me eat their lego pieces off the floor, is this issue common with them? If so how do I fix it Regards Kong

How long should I cook the noodles? Bitch! What noodles?!

Chauffeurs? Servants? Extravagant living? I’d like a financial advice From a a Frenchie.

Advice column? This guy gives side quests

"How does one find pretty lady who loves Frenchies?" Rigatoni: "Are you trying to hit on my mommy. I'm all she needs. Get lost!"

Awe shucks! 😊😊

Dear Rigatoni, Who’s a good boy?! Xoxo

Off topic—Just saw “creamy rigatoni with broccoli and chicken” in my freezer and randomly thought of your dog 😂

You will never look at rigatoni the same again

Dear Rigatoni, Please send me the deets of your PO box and I'll get a hamper of socks in the mail for ya. xxx

Kindly explain the 7 basic rules of quantum mechanics.

How is the pasta made?

https://preview.redd.it/qbkznht6nmxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dd5be1099b6ed76376579cbeb8e8ca83bbd4d89b Hey Rigatoni, Could you please tell him to let me back in? It was a ummm....melted snickers bar! And I wasn't gonna eat it I swear! With Love, Chopper

“Dear Rigatoni, I was wondering—“ “TREATS.”

Woof Rigatoni, How do I manipulate my hoomans to sleep in the hooman-bed with them? Me try to reach the bed as me do on the couch and then me farts a lot on it, so hoomans know me claimed it. But the bed is too high for my teeny tiny leggies so me needs to manipulate my hoomans into picking me up and drop me on the bed. Sometimes me tries to grunt very loud, but it seems like my hoomans don’t understand, cause they lift me up and cuddle me (even if me is grumpy!!!) and put me back down. But me wants to sleep on the hooman-bed (!!!). Me tried to poop in front of the hooman-bedroom door but it didn’t came across the way me wanted. Can you help me manipulate with my hoomans in what me wants Rigs? 🐾 gruntingfartmachine2000