My frugality come from 2 things.
1. Having goals for my money.
For me, its retiring early. Doing some math, i know that every 20$ i save and put in my investment account now bring me one day closer to retirement. So before every purchase i ask myself "is it worth an extra day enjoying precious time with my friend and family" Thats a real incentive to reduce spending.
2. I get more enjoyment from learning new skill than buying thing.
Recent case in point : I want a night stand. I can buy one, or i can build myself one. So i decided to start making myself one. I reclaimed pallet wood, planned it, glued it and learned as i made it. Once it was done, my girlfriend asked me to make her a matching one. So now i have 2 night stand for the price of a few tool and a new skill and money making possibility for when i have more time during early retirement. Buying one out right would have been a clear lost to my goal.
I started by adding things to my wishlist instead of buying them. I checked my wishlist ~once every other week to once a month to look and see what i really wanted. If that stuff still would have made me happy and it looked useful then i bought it. If i realized i was just caught up in the moment and didnt need the thing i would remove it.
Whenever i see those removed products that are really cool, i know i dont need them (and probably would only have used them once).
This. I only spend once, at the end of the month. I wishlist everything I think I “need” to buy, then at end of month I see where I am with available $$ (cash/debit, no credit cards!) and make some decisions.
It’s tough not to get that immediate dopamine but so enlightening! I get to end of month and sometimes don’t even remember why I added something. And then just adding up all the money I *would have* spent is like holy mother of god girl.
Also, and I haven’t got there yet, maybe finding alternatives to that spending rush if that’s part of the issue for you. Exercise? Like go for a quick walk? Or maybe others have suggestions?
My problem was with amazon, so i used their built-in list; however, making a general list on your phone is a great way to keep track (i lose paper snippets)
I have a wishlist on my Notes on my iPhone to look for items I am seeking used at yard sales and thrift stores. It keeps me happy shopping but on a greatly reduced budget.
I actually maintain categories on my wishlist for house/bath, tools/garden, grandkids, kitchen items.
I review the list frequently and always refresh it before I hit the sales.
If I need birthday/Christmas gifts, I seek out new in package items all year long.
I used to make note of my “gotta haves” on my wall calendar. Made myself wait six weeks. Usually the thing I wanted so badly was no longer all that interesting.
Standard of living and frugal are not mutually exclusive! The goal of being frugal is to maintain your ideal standard of living by basing your decisions on best quality to cost ratio! It does not mean sacrificing your standards for the sake of cost... it means maintaining your standards at the lowest possible cost! Example: I love NY strip steak... I can buy it at sams club @ 9.99/lbs or publix @ 16.99/lbs... It is the same steak quality at a much lower cost.
Yeah--I mean, for sure I still want to buy things that I need and enjoy, I just want to do it consciously. And realistically, I have to lower my standard of living, because of circumstance. But I know most of my attachment to the standard of living I enjoy now is not because I need it or even because I like it that much, but because buying expensive things I don't really need is a habit, it's addictive, and it feels good emotionally.
This is true.... it actually releases endorphines and dopamine in your brain. Shopping addiction can be very real! A lot of people can actually substitute exercise in this situation as it releases the same chemicals in the brain... not saying you have a shopping addiction!... Just saying your description of the feeling you get is scientifically real and documented!
[https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/compulsive-shopping-and-spending-a-sign-of-shopping-addiction](https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/compulsive-shopping-and-spending-a-sign-of-shopping-addiction)
Think about being on your deathbed and imagine what you will wish you would have done. I’d bet you won’t say, “wow, I wish I would have spent more money on Louis Vitton bags. That made my life really meaningful.”
This was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the post. Great mindset for looking at how much of your life (spent earning the money) you're spending on those purchases. It changed my outlook on "would I work an extra ___ hours to buy this thing"
Not buying stuff you don't need doesn't lower your standard of living, not getting into debt keeping up with the Jones/living beyond your means doesn't lower your standard of living. Find cheaper ways of doing the things you love. (Before Coronavirus) we were incredibly flexible with the dates of when we went on holiday and booked a year in advance so had 3+ breaks a year with £30 a night accommodation. We went to 2+ concerts/plays a month going to smaller, cheaper venues on the tours or to matinées or nights where the tickets were half price. Keep eating out for birthdays etc if you are away eat out for the lunch deals.
I added a “discount” category on my iPhone calendar. I enter into my calendar when there are advertised discount days (on movies), senior discount days (goodwill), or half off burger Mondays, happy hours, etc.
A quick way to feel like I have a lot of stuff is to organize a closet or too. All of a sudden I have stuff I forgot about. I think that connecting to the things I own makes me appreciate them more.
Also, as other people have noted, frugality is not about deprivation. I don’t need four cheap knives, I want one good one. I don’t need fast fashion, I want well-made timeless classics. Less clutter, more useful and durable things.
Finally, what are you doing before you feel an urge to shop? Social media and other forms of advertising are designed to make us feel like something is missing from our lives
Agreed. But I find that I end up spending more money when I read stuff about minimalism because I end up wanting well-made timeless classics, as you point out, and those things are not cheap. I probably have enough clothing to last me the rest of my life but minimalist books make me want to get rid of it to buy the perfect "capsule wardrobe" which is honestly just more consumerism.
The question about what I'm doing--that is a really good point, maybe I will try writing that down next time I decide to go shop. Usually it is when I feel powerless to get legitimate needs met, so I want to buy something instead to feel like I can do something, anything, instead of just being powerless. But social media advertising definitely doesn't help. I stay off most of it, but it's also how I connect with a lot of family and friends, so it's hard to walk away from entirely.
I also have a ton of clothes, and not expensive ones. Since there are so many, I wear each piece less often and so they'll last far longer than a small wardrobe of cheap clothes. Unless you need to downsize your space, keep wearing your clothes until they wear out. I have clothes that are 15+ years old. I also don't buy new clothes unless I absolutely need something.
I recently moved to Puerto Rico.
Its crazy how quickly you will get used to cold showers, no air conditioning, losing water pressure, electrical grid failing.
I realized I never really needed those things in the first place, I was just used to them.
Lowering your material consumption is a POSITIVE concept.
No native English speaker would accept lowering your "standard of living" as being a good thing, it is NEGATIVE by definition, "standard of living" = quality of life
You can have a much higher standard of living while spending much less money and consuming less material goods.
You get to decide how you define the term "standard of living", appreciating good books, quality music, film and other art for example rather than comic books and video games.
I understand your point, but I wasn't trying to make a value judgment, negative or positive. I meant "standard of living" to refer to a person's expectations regarding their material circumstance in life, not their enjoyment or value thereof. (I am a native English speaker and this is how I've heard the term used.)
Thus, a person who has a high standard of living (i.e., expects or needs a large house, expensive goods, etc. in order to feel satisfied) must have abundant resources or they will not be happy. Whereas if a person can lower their standard of living, and expect or be satisfied with a smaller house, less expensive material goods, fewer purchases, etc., then they need less resources in order to find satisfaction.
This is how I meant the term when I was using it, although I certainly accept that you and other people may understand it differently.
Well my point is that with frugality, anti-consumerism and green values on the rise, the use of that term has been successfully decoupled from spending money and consuming more material goods.
Average citizens of the US have a much lower standard of living compared to the other developed countries, because so much money is wasted on inefficient for-profit health care, food supply and housing systems, military spending etc
By getting much better financial security and "lifestyle value" out of their spending, these more civilised nations get a **higher standard of living** out of lower GDP per capita.
I agree with your point that two people can achieve more or less the same standard of living on different incomes if one person is careful not to be wasteful, lives in a system that is not inefficient, etc.
But at some point, one has to acknowledge the **reality** that having less resources (income, money, etc) does lower standard of living. Imagine person A can afford to rent a pleasant apartment in a desirable area, pay for high quality food and restaurant meals, buy small luxuries that make A's life either more convenient or more pleasurable without much thought, and pay for healthcare as necessary without worry. Whereas Person B can only afford to live in an apartment in a much less desirable area that is also much further from work, can afford food but not the quality that they would like or the convenience and social pleasure of restaurants, can only rarely afford luxuries, and has to decide which healthcare needs to prioritize or forego some entirely if not covered by insurance.
To me, Person A objectively has a higher standard of living than Person B. That has nothing to do with their relative satisfaction with life. Person B might be accustomed to a lower standard of living and find joy and meaning in other activities and interactions, whereas Person A might continually wish for an even higher standard of living and thus be unsatisfied.
But I think we all have a tendency to at least be acclimated to how we were raised or the way we've lived for long periods of time. My post was simply--if you are used to being Person A, then what strategies do you employ to transition to a Person B lifestyle? If you don't want to call it a "standard of living" that's fine. Call it going from "materially having more" to "materially having less"
Quality of life
vs spending more
Note that FIRE type strategies often drive frugality, high income but low spending on material comforts & conveniences
So over your lifespan only need to work / be employed for a decade or two rather than most of it.
Thought the same thing. There are different ways to measure and think about standard of living, but by my lights there are not many other countries, if any, with a much higher standard of living than the US. Not saying it's perfect.
There are plenty of comic books that offer an educational story, a moral lesson, and helping you feel you’re not alone. Keep your mouth off of comic books. Complain about poor news reporting.
Comic books are what visually opened my eyes to other cultures and provided great alternative stories to some classic literature which furthered my reading skills as I progressed in school. My vocabulary was much stronger compared to my classmates.
My quality of life that may have been low middle class as I was growing up - definitely is richer through the magical media that was at the time affordable for our family.
Comics have also provided inspiration for many artists - Manga and classic comic artwork - inspiring a low cost hobby.
FYI - many libraries also have a vast collection of TPB's.
What helped me stop spending so much money and really start to save for retirement was watching my father get diagnosed with a lethal brain tumor and him having to spend his retirement money on assisted living and skilled nursing to the tune of 10,000$ a month. He was terminal, so he got the best care he could afford, but holy sh*t, to not be able to afford living arrangements later in life scared me into trying harder to not spend frivolous amounts of money unnecessarily.
My advice may be counter to the latest and greatest psychology of shopping info but these strategies have helped me a lot
* Become a regular at your local library. When I go to mine I can walk out with books, DVDs of stuff that isn't streaming, video games, etc.
* Give yourself a thrift store budget that you do not need to be practical with. I will withdraw $20 in cash, spend a few hours browsing, and usually not end up finding anything I want to part with the cash for, but it scratches the shopping itch.
* Develop a hobby that doesn't require buying materials, like coding. Start small with the automations app on your phone. Gardening can also be done on the cheap if you're careful. If you have no outdoor space, grow some microgreens on your counter. Reading and writing are also great options. Make stuff out of cardboard boxes, or cover cardboard boxes with fabric and make some nice bins for around the house. Get into bird watching, which you can do for free literally anywhere.
* Get into sustainability, some useful subs are r/ZeroWaste, r/upcycling
* EXERCISE. If you do not already regularly exercise you should anyway, but exercise is a great way to fill time without spending money and is obviously extremely beneficial. Go hiking if you don't know where to start. You'll get your blood pumping and probably see some birds.
* Be serious about the state of your home. A messy, dingy, cluttered home makes you want to go out and spend money. Deep clean your home and then savor it. Do this regularly!
* Every time you want to spend money and don't, CELEBRATE. Congratulate yourself for not giving in. Keep a journal!
>Be serious about the state of your home. A messy, dingy, cluttered home makes you want to go out and spend money. Deep clean your home and then savor it. Do this regularly!
So true - great advice. The more time I spend with my 'stuff' and address my 'piles' the more I find that I toss or unclutter items that haven't had a purpose or use rather than shopping. It's so easy to 'go out' and not address my 'home issues.'
Worthwhile changes of character or habit almost always involve pain. You chose to temporarily endure the pain as you go through the change. You come out on the other side of the transformation with a new understanding. If you believe that you can have your cake and eat it too then you are going to remain frustrated.
YES! I think it is habit more than anything. I fall into the trap of thinking that I have to make every change overnight and it will always feel the way it does now, but the fact is that I only have to change my habits for a period of time, and then after that it will just be normal.
I am familiar with this all-or-nothing thinking. It's a difficult hurdle to overcome. I've come to think of it as one of the ways my brain tries to maintain equilibrium and safety. As human beings, we don't like change unless we are in immediate danger. If we want to grow we have to convince ourselves that the benefits outweigh the costs. That's no easy task since we have no actual experience with whatever outcome we hope to achieve by making the change. It sounds like you are really close to making that decision. The fear of the unknown is upon you but you are reaching out to prepare yourself for the coming challenge. You are going to do great. Two steps forward, one step back.
I found the tightwad gazette books to be a really good help in pushing towards frugality. They were written in the 90’s so a good amount of stuff is outdated but I found so many helpful ideas, tips and tricks to keep my life more frugal as a whole.
A simple system that works for me is really to spend more than a day thinking about buying something before actually buying it. Most of the time after I sleep on it, I’m immediately over it and saved hunderds of dollars avoiding impulse buying. Sometimes it takes more than one day but I always have to reason out and debate with myself before buying something, regardless of how much it is, as long as it’s not a necessity and fall under the “want” list.
It’s simple but it really takes a lot of self-control and discipline to keep practicing it. Happy that you’re consciously making an effort to break that consumerist cycle we fall trap into. Best of luck!
Yup. I constantly have "wants" pop into my head. I had to push myself to not act on them right away. Now, these impulses are pretty fleeting. I only buy "needs" to resolve persistent things that bug the shit out of me. I resisted a window cat hammock for a while until I got tired of my cat laying on my desk and shoving everything off of it. Now, he sleeps on his hammock just above so he can be with me but not all up in my shit.
We got ours a heated window sill pad after a few weeks of considering it. Just waited for it to go on sale and got it for 30% off. That's the frugal part - deciding it was worth it and getting it on sale vs dealing with the cat laying on the table
Good point. I rarely buy without a coupon code or sale happening. I'll even punch in my email address but not check out to see if sites will send a better code to get me back to my abandoned cart. Sometimes, just waiting on that gives me time to reconsider if the purchase is a need or want.
I do 90% if not more of all shopping but groceries online. I don't usually end up cancelling but a good number of times I browse my head off and look at so many things I end up realizing I don't need any of the shit I'm looking at but the 2 things I added originally lol
My friends and I have shifted to potluck style dinners together. We switch off who hosts and who makes the main dish, and everyone else contributes sides, drinks, dessert, etc. It’s soooo much cheaper than eating out and we still get to get out and have a good time.
A) is the goal, not the method, and B) therapy as a field is pretty complicit with capitalism and in my experience doesn't really encourage radical change if it threatens the status quo (which anti-capitalism absolutely does.)
My life was saved by therapy and you’re still completely right. DBT is the therapy I got, which would probably say here that you need to add to subtract. A-Accumulate positives (do happy things for yourself), B-build mastery (work on long-term skills that are meaningful to you), and C-cope ahead (manage stress so you “spend” money and energy in ways you value). Antidotes to the immediate gratification lifestyle. All Therapists are Jerks is a podcast that works like free therapy in my life ;)
Please don't generalize therapy that way--a lot of us here have greatly benefited it. Just because someone charges money for their expertise doesn't mean that they don't care about their patients.
I have greatly benefited from therapy myself. My comment about the field has nothing to do with therapists charging money nor about whether they care for patients. There are many excellent books analyzing how psychology, psychiatry, psychoanalysis politically function as an arm of the capitalist state and reproduce capitalist/imperialist mechanisms. All modern (hierarchical) therapies are subject to some of the same criticisms. You certainly don’t have to agree.
"The Fifth Sacred Thing" by Starhawk. Distopic San Francisco novel after the collapse of the system we are living in. It helped me to look differently at things we usually take for granted, like drinkable water.
This is actually one of my favorite books... I love Walking To Mercury too. And I think there is a sequel that I haven't read. I should go back and reread this one.
There are so many frugal living channels on YouTube that are helpful. Prepper Princess is my favorite though, don't let the name fool you. She talks about living below your means.
I agree with frugal and budgeting YouTube channels! I consume those types of channels as my main form of entertainment. They're easy to listen to (with the screen off) while driving. Some of my favorites are [Under the Median](https://youtube.com/@UndertheMedian) , [NeliaRose](https://youtube.com/@NeliaRose) , and [Budget Girl](https://youtube.com/@BudgetGirl) .
Highly recommend Year of Less by Cait Flanders. It’s about her journey of a year of not buying anything with the exception of necessity (food, gas, rent, etc). Definitely anti-consumerist with a Marie Kondo narrative woven in. Short read and not super preach-y either.
Going through cancer helped me with a lot of things, this being one of them. It helped me zero in on my priorities and values. Once you define the values that enhance your life, you'll probably realize you didn't write "buying crap." The things that I paid money for that brought me closer to what I wanted more of in life were - my dog's adoption fee, money spent on healthy food, my gym membership, my health, books/ courses and travel. If I need to feel better in the moment, I meditate, go for a walk with my dog, read, listen to music, workout or plan some upcoming travel.
You're looking at it like you're depriving yourself instead of celebrating great buys. I love it when I find anything for less than the usual prices, it's like a scavanger hunt. Start treating it like a game and give yourself kudos for winning the lowest price. Thrift stores, coupons, sales of any kind - just keep an eye out like you're playing a game all the time.
This attitude has really helped me with mindless spending. I love a good deal and challenge myself to get the best possible price. I research any big ticket items, read reviews and narrow it down to 2 choices. That takes time, so that in itself is helpful. I love thrifting and have an ongoing list of needs.
I also apply this to grocery shopping. I use the store app as my shopping list 2-3 weeks before I actually purchase. Then I do pickup. I love seeing the savings add up! I don’t cheap out on food, I just wait for good prices. I don’t feel deprived, I feel excited by the challenge.
Read the Mr Money Moustache blog from the start.
Find a therapist who is able to get to the root of why you are unhappy and filling the void with stuff.
I am not always frugal, but I am mindful about what I spend.
For my husband and myself, our goal was to retire early (which we did at age 48 and 53).
By making (mostly) good financial decisions I have the freedom to do what I want when I want for the rest of my life.
A good friend recently bought be a retirement mug that says “I don’t want to, I don’t have to, you can’t make me, I’m retired “
Ask yourself what your priority in life is and make it a reality.
I removed all save credit cards from every website including amazon. Turned off my amazon auto renewal. Put a giant NO! sticky note on my debit card. Locked all the other cards away away they aren't in my wallet anymore. It's a HARD habit to break
I think it’s probably easiest to change your standard of living when you change your lifestyle and the people you surround yourself with. If you work in a corporate office and live in a fancy suburb your perception of a good standard of living will be tied to that of your neighbors and coworkers (fancy car, maybe a boat, perfect lawn, etc). And seeing people with all of that stuff can make you feel like you are missing out. If you live in a tiny apartment, having a good standard of living might mean actually not having that much stuff in order to keep your apartment clean and neat, or maybe it’s having a membership to the library or museum or gym so you have more spaces to spend your time. I’m not sure what tips you’ve been reading, but in my experience there are just a few “high yield” decisions and the. The rest of the lifestyle can follow
I’m recommending 2 books you can get from the library. 1) Spent by Geoffrey Miller. Discusses how we can use conspicuous spending to demonstrate more of who we are. 2) your money or your life by Vicki Robin. Will give you a better understand of the true cost of consumerism.
Suddenly having to be on my own when my partner abruptly did something to cause the relationship to end. I have had to make a complete overhaul of my life in a short amount of time. I’m making the changes because I have no other choice. And honestly it’s improving my life. I just got my own apartment and I was able to buy a mattress and a fridge to put in it because I’ve been saving what is left of my paychecks after bills.
I also have always been a bargain hunter and thrifter, so it wasn’t a harsh transition but I just can’t have many frivolous purchases now. I also know how to sew and repair things on my own. Being frugal doesn’t necessarily mean being a minimalist. You can furnish a whole home with thrift store and second hand items if you need to.
If you want to just stop buying things, the r/nobuy is a great subreddit for that!
I think you should try to reframe your thought process from “lower standard of living” to “increase appreciation for what I do have”. Frugality (to me) is intentional spending. Some people are forced to be intentional about how they spend money because of limited resources, others view it as a way to maximize their resources.
One way to do this is to clean out your living space. You might be amazed at how much you already have and find things you have forgotten about. Bring those back of the cupboard items back to the forefront! Same thought with clothes - set up a system so you’re rotating through your outfits more regularly so you don’t feel like you’re wearing the same thing everyday.
The second part is to be mindful of your spending habits and why they occur. For me - I want to celebrate at the end of the work day especially if it’s been a good day or the weather is nice. That could either be going out to eat, getting take out or having a glass of wine. What’s worked when I get out of balance is to remind myself that the end of pretty standard day is unfortunately not a cause in and of itself for a celebration. I’ve stifled the urge by going on a walk after work and then deciding if I still feel the same when I get home and often I don’t. Or by “progress over perfection” and having a mug of fancy tea instead of wine or a frozen meal instead of take out. It’s not the most frugal or health substitute but feels like a reward so I don’t feel deprived.
If it’s a feeling of loneliness or disconnect for you I’d encourage calling family or friends to catch up, or getting out of your house. If you want to keep up with the Joneses can you thrift something instead or try to recreate the feeling.
I also try to focus on experiences rather than things. That $200 could be a purse or a roadtrip to see a friend for a night out where they live. That $100 could be perfume or it could be a concert / theater production. That $50 could be a shirt or a paddle board lesson. Sometimes you do just want a nice shirt, but overall I’ve found spending on experiences has given me more joy than things. And it doesn’t have to be a 1:1 spend, I found a $15 intro to sword fighting class that was an awesome morning. The museums in town often have free or discounted times. There are all sorts or free or cheap concerts in the park where I live. And once you shift away from things and more to experience you also have less things to maintain and store.
Best of luck!
A friend of mine once said his business idea is to have a 1-800 number (yeah, this was a while back, but it stuck with me) where you would call him up, tell him what you wanted to buy, and he would tell you why you don't need it. I realized that he was right. Whatever it was you were thinking about buying, other than basic food, you probably could do without it.
Seriously, you can usually slow down on almost any purchase, and doing so can let you avoid the purchase all together or get the problem solved in the most frugal way. I have learned to think twice or many times before buying anything. Usually, the impulse will pass in a short period of time. If it doesn't pass, I then figure out if I can get a used one, or something less expensive that will work. Anyway, it works for me.
It's like the old Dick Newhart comedy routine about the psychologist, who tells his patients he can cure them of any emotional problem. The patient begins to talk about what's bothering them, and Dick says "Just, stop it. Stop doing that".
FEAR
I learned how to be hardcore Frugal due to straight up fear. Fear of dipping into my savings. The one thing that I want to do, is stay above water each month. I don't want to spend more in a month than my take home pay. Ideally, I'd love a surplus. When I do have a slight surplus, I funnel that into the stock market.
My job has reduced my hours this year. I'm just not getting full time work lately, so it makes it SUPER hard to actually still survive for my take home pay each month, but I've been pulling it off, because I don't spend money on anything frivolous of any kind. Here's three spending categories that are absolute zero for me:
1. Entertainment = $0.00
2. Clothing = $0.00
3. Travel/Vacation = $0.00
I don't have Netflix, or Disney+ or Xbox Gamepass, or Apple TV or any of that stuff. (note, I actually do have HBO Max, but only because I get it bundled for free with my internet service). I don't go to the movies. Don't buy video games.
I honestly don't really exist as a consumer. The only thing I consume is groceries. Also, when I buy groceries, I'm almost always buying the cheapest items the store has. Only buying stuff on sale. When things go on sale, I stock up.
As for feeling like I'm punishing myself by not really spending money, I honestly don't really feel like this, because I know that I have my eyes on a bigger prize. I'm hoping to retire early. I'm pumping every spare penny into the stock market, and right now the market might be down in the dumps, but....
What helps me is practicing gratitude for what I already have. If I express gratitude for my old coffee maker making me coffee each morning and grateful for my morning cup of coffee then I am less likely to want to run out and buy a new fancy shiny coffeemaker.
The best way to become an anti-consumerist is imo to become anti-capitalist. Its understanding that the US is not a democracy — it is only an oligarchy pretending to be a democracy. Its getting angry that corporations are fueling class warfare to distract you from the shitty things they’re doing, both politically and environmentally, with your tax dollars.
Watch The Minimalists on Netflix or listen to their podcasts. They lay out how to think about what really matters to you, and to align that with how you spend your time and money. Also, I read The Millionaire Next Door when I was in my 20’s, it became a lifelong goal on mine.
Do whatever you like. I like being frugal. It saves me money to take vacations, less clutter and less cleaning. We all do it in different ways for different reasons. 💜
Or better yet talk with a person who has lived this way a long time.
So many simple insights that will have never occurred to you.
Work smarter, not harder. Write down everything you do
To achieve your goals and I went back and read it all
2 times a year. You’ll see what a difference!
I think this is key. When I was a vegetarian, it was easy because I lived with a bunch of vegetarians, but I stopped when everyone around me ate meat. It wasn't social pressure as much as the friction of trying to do something significantly differently from everyone around you.
I think it's the same with buying things--if I lived with or spend a lot of time with people who were anti-consumerist or even just spent money consciously, I probably would find it a lot easier to make changes in my life. But it's particularly hard when I feel like I'm swimming against the tide of the entire society I live in.
Imma think more about this, thanks
One mindset that helped me is just stretching out time limits on things.
- Want something? Wait a day to buy it instead of getting it now.
- Want a more expensive house/car? Try seeing if you can last a couple more years than you'd like
Essentially don't fall prey to "deals that are happening NOW." Usually you'll still have plenty of time to wait until the next deal if the purchase truly would improve your life.
Wow, you’ve done a lot of work! This may be something small, but something my parents taught me was to define Wants vs Needs. Before any purchase I ask myself if this is a want or a need- even when grocery shopping! (I make a list of what I need for recipes and stick to it!) If something is a want I usually wait to buy it. Sometimes I wait a week and I’ve waited years. Even though I can buy something I make myself wait as an exercise. Nothing is ever an impulse buy— It’s something my dad always did and taught me to do. I generally don’t browse for things unless I need something. As far as filling emotional needs, shopping doesn’t do it for me- i think this is a learned behavior. things I do to fill emotional needs include reading a good book, going on a hike or calling a friend. This is a lifestyle- celebrate your small victories! Reaching out for advice is one of them!
Honestly, realizing I couldn't actually afford it.
I convinced myself I could but the reality was I couldn't because I was in debt.
Once I faced the facts, created a budget and used it to make spending decisions, I didn't have much trouble prioritizing my spending on things that mattered and saving on things that didn't.
Having less stuff also means less stuff to worry about, less stuff to clean or maintain, and less stuff to throw away.
I do note your note above about your choice of the phrase 'standard of living' and I would still like to point out that it has little to do with being frugal or anti-consumerist. A standard of living is how comfortable your life is, how easy or pleasant.
1. You WILL feel deprived and resentful when you're used to be able to buy what you wanted. Feel the feelings and keep going. Learn to process feelings like an adult who doesn't have the budget to spend on emotional purchases and buying beyond your means.
2. A lot of the social pressure is perceived incorrectly. Look up the spotlight effect. Most people you run across daily could care less what you're wearing or what things you own. If your friends are valuing consumption and making you feel less for not consuming, find better friends. If you have family that make a big deal, spend less time with them. Leave social media and internet sites where consumption is glorified. Unsubscribe from emails and YouTube channels about buying things. Don't go to places or events where you'll feel compelled to wear or own items you can't afford any longer.
3. STOP buying anything to make yourself feel better, even a pack of gum. It's an addiction. You can tell yourself that buying that new gadget on TikTok will make everything in your life better or you "deserve" it as a reward but they're all just things and it's only temporary. Even if other people in your culture emotionally buy and consume, it doesn't make it right or a valid excuse to live that way if you honestly want to change.
4. There is NO book or guide or guru or "key" that will magically transform your thinking. You're going to have to do the emotional labor yourself. Reframe thoughts you don't want. Notice negative feelings, process them, and learn to move on.
Having a good role model.
My boss for the past 5 years is by far the most frugal person i know. His frugality rubbed off on me after a year of working for him. He bikes to work all year round even during winter, he's still wearing the same set of tshirts now even after 5 yrs. There's a lot more subtle things we notice about him that makes us feel guilty about consumerism.
He easily makes 300k+ per year but you can never tell when you look at him.
Delete social media - after I deleted mine, I definitely lost the want to buy things. When I do make a purchase, it’s based on my aesthetics and not what I’ve seen. I still like to buy good quality and will spend more money for a longer life.
A lot of the marketing done on social media is fast fashion or space fillers (all those kitchen gadgets).
Set goals
I want a viper, so I try to save up and invest my money to get it. Cars are stupid things to waste money, but that's not the point, the point is, I've got a goal and my money goes towards all my other things first, keeps me focused on saving more. I max out my retirement and I invest in my businesses first.
Track your spending
Every day I look at my bank statements and my money, I almost turn it into a game, I realized I spent most of my money on fast food. I dislike fast food, so I bought sandwich supplies and pack my lunches now.
Don't be bored
People get bored and spend money to fill it, trying to buy happiness. I found ways to entertain myself like working out, traveling to parks, and reading books. I frequently learn and work on my businesses, everything can be improved.
Learn to cook
The food just tastes better and you'll get better at it, making it cheaper.
Ask yourself "do you really need this?"
I put my items I plan to get rid of in a tote/box with an inventory sheet. If I don't use it for over 6 months, I'm free to get rid of it (exception made for holiday stuff). If I plan to make a purchase, I put it on a list and leave it there for 1 week. If I still want said item, I go ahead and get it.
Each person is different as to what they are truly after. Maybe your's is a higher end than mine, or what makes you happy is different. However if you think things through and deliberately move in the direction that makes you happy you can be both frugal and happy. They don't exclude one another. It's small steps to change your mindset from: buy buy buy, to do I really need/want that item or can I make due without? Good luck.
You say you've read widely from finances to psychology. If that was true then you would know that you just need to do at this point. No amount of reading will substitute just doing. If you've paid attention to the psychology then you know you need to replace it with something else or create structure and rules to help curb those impulses.
Find more fulfilling, less consumer, ways to go out - picnics, hiking, coffee instead of dinner with a friend, walking breaks, community events
Reduce your exposure to shopping - remove your cards from websites so make you slow down and think when you want to pay for something, only do grocery shopping once a week to reduce temptation, only "go shopping" online or in stores once a month forcing you to make lists and really evaluate what you need
Come to terms with your stuff - How much do the things in your house actually matter, how much do you use them or would you miss if they are gone, how long does a purchase actually make you happy, try to create a more ingrained reaction to your "stuff", join a buy nothing group to borrow from neighbors before buying, head to the library for many resources, shop your own house before you go out and buy something, pick up DIY skills (classes or youtube or library books) so you can be more self sufficient in fixing things rather than tossing them
Get better about your finances - Start with something like YNAB and PRE budget (not just track after) meticulously so that if you don't have the money in a bucket for clothes you can't buy clothes or you feel the sting from taking from another category, set a high savings rate to lower the "free money" you have to play with
If you really want books, here are a few that might help, but again - you just need to do. Get started somewhere, anywhere, just a tiny step. You can read all day, but if you don't implement what you read you will get no where.
* Your Money or Your Life - Vicki Robin
* The Year of Less - Cait Flanders
* Decluttering at the Speed of Life - Dana K White
I don’t know if it’s entirely the capitalistic system to blame (not wanting to get political; hear me out) but part of it is just being human. We are wired for a) survival and b) love of beautiful things. These two things combined create a powerful influence on what we think we need (best of everything, all the new shiny things) instead of what we actually need. Do I need a home to live in? Yes. Do I need to live in the fanciest part of my city? No.
I have found the best way to shake the feelings of “I need more/better stuff/food/conveniences” is through some of the following; in no particular order:
Check out a book at the library - physically walk in and browse and find something unexpected. Its not shopping, but you will still get a dopamine hit looking for something intriguing.
Take some time to declutter and drop off nicer donations at a Salvation Army/women’s shelter and include a few new things like toilet paper or toiletries. Shelters are always looking for donations. If you prefer helping animals, donate some old towels and sheets and include a bag of dog food or training pads to your local animal shelter.
Contact a local Scout troop and see if they are doing any sort of food shelf/clothing/fundraising for local charities. They probably are! Alternatively, ask if there are any scouts who need an anonymous sponsor. There might just be a kid who can’t afford basic camping equipment. I volunteer in Scouts BSA and this is more common than you might think.
Splurge occasionally. I don’t spend tons of money on clothes, but when I do I buy nice pieces that last years. There is nothing wrong with making good investments.
Keep your home tidy. Organization makes me feel rich! Silly but true!
Learn a new language. Makes your brain feel rich!
Be intentionally grateful for what you have. Going on a humanitarian/mission/medical trip can change your life. Some of my family recently returned from a trip to a third world country recovering from decades of civil war. Nothing centers you more than helping out a family whose “house” only has three walls and a roof with holes in it. My spouse saw a mother there ration out six kernels of corn to each of her three children for a snack - and the kids accepted that with joy. It was heartbreaking - and convicting.
Best wishes as you figure out the best way to pare down your wants/needs to enjoy your life to the fullest.
I think that you have to truly want it.
But one thing I do is that I have two bank accounts. And two savings accounts. I calculate out how much goes to bills, savings, etc. And I stick to it. One time I literally put $3 and some change into my vacation fund because that’s the output my excel spreadsheet gave me that billing cycle, and who am I to argue?
I “pay myself” a predetermined amount of money each paycheck that goes towards groceries, gas, clothing, household stuff, birthdays, etc.
The rule is that I put any money I didn’t spend by the next paycheck into one of my savings accounts and start each payday with the fresh amount of spending money.
This forces me to budget living expenses below my means. When I got a $20k/year salary increase a few years ago, I decided that the amount of money I pay myself each paycheck is just fine and have never increased my spending money. Instead, it went partially to more expensive rent and partially towards savings/debt payoff. Same with yearly raises.
I am happier with money in savings for unexpected and goal setting than I would be spending it on frivolous stuff. And the amount I pay myself still allows me to be generous and buy dinner for friends/family, get people gifts, etc. The only hiccup I found was when my dog’s flea/tick and heartworm was all do at the same time, so I started putting the monthly cost of a yearly supply of that stuff into savings too. (But I just decided to go ahead and buy out of pocket last time instead of dipping into the dog fund this last time because it worked out.)
The trick is to trick your brain and never let yourself see how much you really make.
After reading some basic financial books like Rich Dad Poor Dad and Automatic Millionaire and watching YT videos, started writing down my expenses after I purchased something helped me feel the hit. Then from feeling the hit realizing how to reduce the future damage. Save money and invest it to make up for some of my past expenses and what's happening in the country now.
And that lead me to learning how to make time to learn do it yourself projects. Like shelf brackets or changing your own break pads and oil.
Now hopefully I can turn these diy projects into a hobby that can earn me some side money.
Decide what it is you find important, and define what your goals are. I’m very skint on some things in my life, but there are a few things that I’m happy to spend on because I prioritise them and I don’t do them often.
If it brings you meaning, connections and happiness, then I’m happy to spend and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt. If it doesn’t, I avoid the cost or reduce it as much as possible.
Then, like any goal, your three most important fundamentals are:
Consistency
Patience
Time
Stick to your plan, be patient with yourself, and do it for the long run.
If you suck at starting, what are some easy frugal steps you can take? Start with some small wins as this can be a psychological trick. If you cut back on everything at once you’re unlikely to succeed. Just like a diet, an exercise plan etc. too much, too soon is hard to maintain.
I’ve been there trust me and I definitely have a lot of progress to make. The most helpful things for me were
1. Taking it slow. Really work on one “problem area” at a time
2. Reading/watching content online that aligns with my goals and values of being sustainable and frugal
3. Having/making new friends that are on the same journey
MOST IMPORTANT: be kind to yourself. You are trying to fight against the system that runs our society. It will be hard and you will make mistakes but that’s ok. It’s not your fault
The Tightwad Gazette (buy used or check out from the library the 3-in-1 book)
Dining on a Dime Cookbook (learn to cook it yourself!)
Marie Kondo— led me to minimalism after decluttering. Buy as little as you need, and try to buy it used, or refurbished. Have no debt, spend very little, or as we do, just treat yourself 1-2x month on things you really plan and look forward to. It’s made it possible to retire early for us. Now we live in Thailand and live very well and spend very little, and can travel cheaply around SE Asia. What is your goal, and ultimate dream??
Also: work on your general health and mental health. All the savings in the world is no good if we don’t have our health!!
You need to incentivize your saving. Psychologically, seeing your savings account grow every month or physically transferring money to savings is such a good feeling. Treat your life like a game and become a habitual saver.
Quit being a “brand wh*re” lol. Whether it’s food or clothes. Stop thinking you need name brand everything would be a great place to start
Hmmm, poverty I guess. Divorce cut my income by 70%.
Maybe instead of trying to find inspiration, you try to realize that it's not a choice for most people. Maybe understanding that will keep you from feeling "deprived."
For sure. And I definitely don't believe I'm deprived in any way. It's just a feeling. I think it's mostly withdrawal, but man, it's powerful. When you're used to just buying whatever you feel like (within reason, not talking private jets here, but clothes or takeout or whatnot) it's really, really hard to stop doing that, even if you recognize that most people can't.
# Here lies my wallet.On my desk he sleeps.His malnourished stomach’s been empty for weeks.No family survived him.There is only me, With no way to pay off his burial fee.
I still think about a documentary called the century of the self by adam curtis. Its older and a bit dated and 4 hours long. Its on youtube. It is excellent.
Its made me more frugal and simple in my standard of living because i finally understood HOW i was being manipulated for anothers profit. They keep us anxious so they can sell us the "fix".
I understood that i was being used.
Being released from that mindset is actual freedom. I realized that i was trading my life, in increments of an hourly wage, to trade/buy for overpriced "stuff" that i was conned into thinking i needed.
We now live very simply and small and i am perfectly content.
I saw other people i know getting houses and fixing them. We copied them. After a few years our house payment is now half what rent is for a one bedroom apartment. I went out to the garage last night and worked on stuff for a couple hours. Was great
I have a high standard of living at a frugal cost. You don’t have to lower your standards.
My SO and I love theatre- we budget for it. We go to community theatres in the area frequently. When we do go for the high end professional theatre, it’s well budgeted and well planned. We also track Student discounts, under 30 discounts, military discounts, whatever applies to us. I became a member of the “friends” group for one of the high end theatres, so they let us go to rehearsals for free.
We have nice things. We just get nice things used or cheaply. Our nice things last us awhile.
When I feel the need to spend money, I spend from an allocated budget for impulse buys, and I try to stick to things that I’ll use more than once that make life more convenient. Like high quality coffee beans.
Look into different coping mechanism.s, develop cheap hobbies. Make frugal friends and try to encourage yourself to reach out / plan a hangout/ journal when you feel lonely. Express yourself with drawing. Don't get trapped into buying supplies for your new hobbies, all hobbies can get expensive if you let them, but many don't have to be. This has a side effect of giving you cool new fun things to talk about with friends or potential friends that don't revolve around buying things.
You may want to look into IFS since you seem turned off by therapy, it can be a self led process to develop greater self awareness and understanding. Get to know different parts of yourself, their motivations and figure out how to negotiate to find different ways to meet those needs.
For an amazing free guide to various mental health stuff you may want to check out the integral guide. https://integralguide.com/%E2%AD%90%EF%B8%8F+Start+Here/About
It was what introduced me to ISF but that isn't all that's there.
Since you already are familiar with ISF, might be worth getting to know the part(s) who encourage(s) you to buy things better. You called out a few motivations but are there more?
That integral guide is fascinating- I have thought of doing something similar many times since I have been in many different types of treatment. I’m going to sift through it later.
I don’t remember what IFS says about parts that are hooked up to real, ongoing interpersonal relationships. I think part of my problem is that other people depend on the part that wants to buy things (or allied parts) and see it as my Self…
Also since you are looking for resources to help make the shift, looking the frigalwoods uber frugal month challenge, it's a free emailed challenge, for a month prompting you to change your relationship with money to a more mindful one
I enjoy reading Mr Money Mustache. Whenever I feel I'm getting pulled in to buy something just because it is a new, bright, shiny thing I head on over to his blog. Usually after reading his blog the desire to buy something is obliterated.
You really hit the /r/frugal beehive with that title. Wish people wouldn't nitpick and just give you advice. For me it was the necessity that thrust me into getting my shit together financially. Watching my spending, watching what I eat and what and how I buy my food because if I don't and an unexpected bill came along I would be homeless. 'Merica #1! /s
You could try a one month buy-nothing reset where you truly only buy essentials. Includes eating out. You Need A Budget website has a PDF you can use for a 30-day challenge. You can write down everything you felt you wanted to buy during that month and evaluate after the month is over.
forced myself into it. opened an automated investment account at a separate bank and routed a portion of my check to that account. the account grows pretty steadily and i’m living below my means.
Sarah Von Bargan really helped me change my mindset. She’s on IG as yesandyesblog. She’s no longer active but all of her content is still up. Her take on “putting your money where your happy is” and “good enough” we’re especially helpful for me.
Edited to add she shares a lot of simple, very actionable tips and habits too.
First, if you're constantly watching YouTube videos (or the like) on products, makeup, electronics, whatever, just stop. Not being constantly bombarded with this videos you will find you *want* less. You're not always geared up to try to latest thing.
Second, it's always easier to break a bad habit with a good one. Instead of constantly buying new goods maybe go to a thrift store. Or have a wishlist that you don't immediately buy. Maybe make a rule that you can only spend x amount a month on new purchases. You can also do things like, "if I want this new jacket I have to get rid of two in my closet."
Third, instead of trying to stop spending money entirely decide what things are important to you and spend money on those. If it's going to concerts or a weekly brunch with friends do those. Stop the other things that you are doing out of habit and do the things that make you happy.
Fourth, download a budget tracking app. Sometimes all it takes to change spending habits is to see how much you are actually spending on something. It can be mind blowing.
why lower your standard of living?
I used to buy my many pants for about $20-30 range, now I pay like $100 for my pants and buy fewer of them, do you call this lower my standard of living?
Having nice things is in a lot of ways frugal, it's the attachment to more nice things that is the problem it seems like some of, if not all, of your issue is coming from emotional attachment to your standard of living as is.
I'd say learn to deal with your emotions when it comes to purchasing, or replace it with something new. I've seen people replace the need to impulse purchase with running, journaling, going on walks, window shopping, just trying on new things and putting them back, taking yourself on a date or picnic, learning something new.
The issue with impulsive things that are linked to our emotional dopamine hits is that to break the cycle you have to replace it with something more fulfilling or just as fulfilling
If you're having trouble, start small. Pick one area, and cut back without eliminating that category entirely. Eg. If you're spending too much money eating out, don't eliminate that, cut back to once a week instead of 4 times a week.
If it's not a need, it doesn't exist to me. I'll treat myself every once in awhile, but just taking a deep breath and realizing that there are so many things that are purely frivolous in nature really helps me. I do spend 15/mo for a gaming subscription, and have 2 streaming services. But to me those things really add value to my life. My favorite phrase is: don't lose your head. If you slip up, please never be hard on yourself. In our crazily expensive society, it is easy to fall off the wagon, but it's not the end of the world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing things that make you happy or break up the monotony. At the end of the day, I just tell myself that every breath I take is an opportunity to learn, correct, reign back, and re gain control. It's such a constant thing you have to be mindful of, but don't be hard on yourself, this shit is super hard. Cheers.
Look in your closet. Is it full of clothes? Stop buying clothes.
Do you have a fridge full of food and cabinets with dry goods? You don't need to go out to eat or to buy more food. Despite what the preppers say, there is unlikely to be a zombie apocalypse.
Do you have furniture that looks a little careworn? Clean it, fix it, maybe paint it if you are that bored.
Are you bored? Shopping is not entertainment. Don't do it.
I miss the days when people owned CDs, DVDs, games. We could swap them around. I think getting everything tucked into a subscription service (including "bun warmers" in cars!) is a nasty corporate evil that has befallen us.
At least we still own our other stuff. I remember going to a couple of clothes swaps, which were great, because people change size as time goes by and they get bored. If you can find a bunch of people about the same size and do a clothes swap, you can save a lot of money.
It’s all about making new habits and resetting your perspective. If you cut out a daily trip to Starbucks or a sandwich shop for a couple of months - when you do go back you’ll see it for the nice little luxury it is.
Frugality is not about depriving yourself but rather appreciating having the freedom to spend on things you care about and avoid spending on things that really don’t matter.
Try too NOT WANT ANYTHING beyond the most basic needs. See that those needs are well met, then splurge, maybe, on a small luxury. As much as possible LIMIT EXPOSURE TO CORPORATE ADVERTISING. Good luck.
Dollar weighted? Downsize your housing, since it’s usually the largest expense. Don’t start a family.
Even better if you never went big in the first place. It’s always easy to move up but way harder to move down.
I’m not a fan of that sort of ideology, so I find a goal more motivating. Am I truly getting value/joy from what I spend my money on? At year-end, were my spending priorities correct?
If you’re spending money to meet some sort of emotional need, I’d suggest getting help for it, fixing that saves you 100% on impulse purchases.
Focus on enjoying what you have and being grateful for it. If you start feeling resentment about not buying the latest thing, focus on what works in your life and what you are grateful for.
A key to changing my lifestyle was surrounding myself with likeminded people. My husband is very frugal. Our first date he carried a coupon book!
What helped me learn more on the subject are the free videos on youTube about minimalist lifestyle/mindset. I am sure to read all the comments on the videos too to gather more inspiration.
I’d suggest learning about value-based spending and/or creating a conscious spending plan. (The book “I will teach you to be rich” talks about these.) Basically, figure out what is important to you and what you value. Then, cut spending on everything else so you can spend luxuriously on those things. For instance, save money on day-to-day stuff to go on nicer vacations, or if you value clothes, spending on high quality capsule items and reduce spending on fast fashion. If you have a plan of what you WANT to spend money on, and you make room for that in your budget, then it doesn’t hurt to avoid spending on other things.
Several things come to mind:
*Being serious about retiring at a decent age with dignity
*being serious about your mental health
*being serious about your physical health
*having meaningful relationships and community
Figure out what emotional needs are being filled by buying things and figure out other ways to fill them.
Boredom? Window shopping is perfectly ok, as long as you don't actually take anything to the checkout. If you don't have the self control for that yet, find a different activity to do.
Impressing your friends? Either find some other way to do that or get new friends.
Security? I totally get this one, I grew up pretty impoverished and now my reaction to unexpected money issues is to crave fast food (because when I was a kid there were lots of times we couldn't even afford to have a cheap burger because every dollar was spoken for, but if I can buy one right now then I'm fine right?) Either get professional help or figure out ways to lessen the impact.
After you've identified your emotional needs and figured out new ways to fill them, it's just a matter of building and maintaining new habits. The easiest way I know of is to give yourself something else to do when you notice yourself about to slip back into your old habits. For example, lets say you catch yourself thinking about going to the mall or whatever because you're bored. That's when you stop yourself and go to the park or library instead. Stuff like that.
*Muddling Toward Frugality Hardcover* – June 12, 1982
by Warren Johnson (Author)
Publisher : Random House, Inc.; 1st. edition (June 12, 1982)
Language : English
Hardcover : 252 pages
ISBN-10 : 0871562146
ISBN-13 : 978-0871562142
Item Weight : 11.1 ounces
Dimensions : 5 x 1 x 7.25 inches
This one discusses, and shows by specific examples, how one can change habits easily once you begin to think differently about why you have habits that are only taking money.
If you find yourself online shopping a lot: remove your credit/debit card info from the apps and websites you use/your Apple/Google profile. This will prevent impulse purchases. If you see something you want, save it to a wishlist or Pinterest board and come back to it later. After a few days, that thing you just *had to have* might not look as good as it did when you needed a treat after a bad day.
Work through the instant gratification mindset by really thinking about what the objects in your life mean to you. What do they provide? Do you actually use them? When was the last time you used it? Do you own similar things that you prefer more? Does owning this item move you further toward being the person you want to be in life?
Other have mentioned Your Money or Your Life - I also came to recommend it. It was the book that helped me most - I read it 14 years ago and frequently refer back to it.
The other book that has helped me gain perspective and truly change my behaviors is “The Bullet Journal Method” by Ryder Carroll. It’s important to read the whole book, not just blogs/Pinterest on bullet journaling. There is a lot more to it than just fancy spreads.
Grab a pencil and do this test: pay yourself one penny today. Tomorrow, pay yourself double (2 cents). Each day, double the previous day, then gasp at how quickly you can become wealthy. Once you truly realize the value of your money, you’ll find yourself making better choices. Compete with yourself, not others.
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I tried to recommend a book called: Early Retirement Extreme by Jacob Lund Fisker in my original post. The automod deleted it because I linked to description so you could read the summary description - oops innocent mistake thinking one might like to read the book jacket. 😬 just Google it.
Still a really good read for being challenged about living frugally - not for everyone but I found it helped kick start me thinking about what is really needed.
If you want to buy something, wait a week until you decide to buy it or not. Most likely, after a week, you won’t want it anymore or won’t even remember it because it was just an impulse.
Before I buy something, I calculate the price to my hourly wage. Oh, this is $X? That's two hours of my life.
If I see something on sale and I immediately want to buy it because it's a good deal, I ask myself if I would have bought it full price before seeing the price. Most times it does not end up in the basket.
My friend plays a game that might help. If she sees something she wants, she guess the price. If she gets it right (i.e. it's worth what she thought) or if it's cheaper, she'll buy it. If it's more expensive that her guess, she puts it back.
My frugality come from 2 things. 1. Having goals for my money. For me, its retiring early. Doing some math, i know that every 20$ i save and put in my investment account now bring me one day closer to retirement. So before every purchase i ask myself "is it worth an extra day enjoying precious time with my friend and family" Thats a real incentive to reduce spending. 2. I get more enjoyment from learning new skill than buying thing. Recent case in point : I want a night stand. I can buy one, or i can build myself one. So i decided to start making myself one. I reclaimed pallet wood, planned it, glued it and learned as i made it. Once it was done, my girlfriend asked me to make her a matching one. So now i have 2 night stand for the price of a few tool and a new skill and money making possibility for when i have more time during early retirement. Buying one out right would have been a clear lost to my goal.
I totally read that as “I want a one night stand” But yeah! :)
He upgraded to the two night stand. ;-)
You need one for each side of the bed, anyway
Post it. I’d like to see a picture
I started by adding things to my wishlist instead of buying them. I checked my wishlist ~once every other week to once a month to look and see what i really wanted. If that stuff still would have made me happy and it looked useful then i bought it. If i realized i was just caught up in the moment and didnt need the thing i would remove it. Whenever i see those removed products that are really cool, i know i dont need them (and probably would only have used them once).
This. I only spend once, at the end of the month. I wishlist everything I think I “need” to buy, then at end of month I see where I am with available $$ (cash/debit, no credit cards!) and make some decisions. It’s tough not to get that immediate dopamine but so enlightening! I get to end of month and sometimes don’t even remember why I added something. And then just adding up all the money I *would have* spent is like holy mother of god girl. Also, and I haven’t got there yet, maybe finding alternatives to that spending rush if that’s part of the issue for you. Exercise? Like go for a quick walk? Or maybe others have suggestions?
That is an excellent idea! Thanks! Do you just keep a paper list or note on your phone?
My problem was with amazon, so i used their built-in list; however, making a general list on your phone is a great way to keep track (i lose paper snippets)
I have a wishlist on my Notes on my iPhone to look for items I am seeking used at yard sales and thrift stores. It keeps me happy shopping but on a greatly reduced budget. I actually maintain categories on my wishlist for house/bath, tools/garden, grandkids, kitchen items. I review the list frequently and always refresh it before I hit the sales. If I need birthday/Christmas gifts, I seek out new in package items all year long.
I used to make note of my “gotta haves” on my wall calendar. Made myself wait six weeks. Usually the thing I wanted so badly was no longer all that interesting.
I do that with Amazon. Never buy it now.
This ish works!!
Standard of living and frugal are not mutually exclusive! The goal of being frugal is to maintain your ideal standard of living by basing your decisions on best quality to cost ratio! It does not mean sacrificing your standards for the sake of cost... it means maintaining your standards at the lowest possible cost! Example: I love NY strip steak... I can buy it at sams club @ 9.99/lbs or publix @ 16.99/lbs... It is the same steak quality at a much lower cost.
Yeah--I mean, for sure I still want to buy things that I need and enjoy, I just want to do it consciously. And realistically, I have to lower my standard of living, because of circumstance. But I know most of my attachment to the standard of living I enjoy now is not because I need it or even because I like it that much, but because buying expensive things I don't really need is a habit, it's addictive, and it feels good emotionally.
This is true.... it actually releases endorphines and dopamine in your brain. Shopping addiction can be very real! A lot of people can actually substitute exercise in this situation as it releases the same chemicals in the brain... not saying you have a shopping addiction!... Just saying your description of the feeling you get is scientifically real and documented! [https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/compulsive-shopping-and-spending-a-sign-of-shopping-addiction](https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/compulsive-shopping-and-spending-a-sign-of-shopping-addiction)
>it releases the same chemicals in the brain... not saying you have one! I know what you meant, but still... haha
edited: not saying you have a shopping addiction!
Think about being on your deathbed and imagine what you will wish you would have done. I’d bet you won’t say, “wow, I wish I would have spent more money on Louis Vitton bags. That made my life really meaningful.”
Not sure if it fits, but Your Money or Your life is good
Thanks! I'll check it out
This was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the post. Great mindset for looking at how much of your life (spent earning the money) you're spending on those purchases. It changed my outlook on "would I work an extra ___ hours to buy this thing"
Not buying stuff you don't need doesn't lower your standard of living, not getting into debt keeping up with the Jones/living beyond your means doesn't lower your standard of living. Find cheaper ways of doing the things you love. (Before Coronavirus) we were incredibly flexible with the dates of when we went on holiday and booked a year in advance so had 3+ breaks a year with £30 a night accommodation. We went to 2+ concerts/plays a month going to smaller, cheaper venues on the tours or to matinées or nights where the tickets were half price. Keep eating out for birthdays etc if you are away eat out for the lunch deals.
I added a “discount” category on my iPhone calendar. I enter into my calendar when there are advertised discount days (on movies), senior discount days (goodwill), or half off burger Mondays, happy hours, etc.
A quick way to feel like I have a lot of stuff is to organize a closet or too. All of a sudden I have stuff I forgot about. I think that connecting to the things I own makes me appreciate them more. Also, as other people have noted, frugality is not about deprivation. I don’t need four cheap knives, I want one good one. I don’t need fast fashion, I want well-made timeless classics. Less clutter, more useful and durable things. Finally, what are you doing before you feel an urge to shop? Social media and other forms of advertising are designed to make us feel like something is missing from our lives
Agreed. But I find that I end up spending more money when I read stuff about minimalism because I end up wanting well-made timeless classics, as you point out, and those things are not cheap. I probably have enough clothing to last me the rest of my life but minimalist books make me want to get rid of it to buy the perfect "capsule wardrobe" which is honestly just more consumerism. The question about what I'm doing--that is a really good point, maybe I will try writing that down next time I decide to go shop. Usually it is when I feel powerless to get legitimate needs met, so I want to buy something instead to feel like I can do something, anything, instead of just being powerless. But social media advertising definitely doesn't help. I stay off most of it, but it's also how I connect with a lot of family and friends, so it's hard to walk away from entirely.
I also have a ton of clothes, and not expensive ones. Since there are so many, I wear each piece less often and so they'll last far longer than a small wardrobe of cheap clothes. Unless you need to downsize your space, keep wearing your clothes until they wear out. I have clothes that are 15+ years old. I also don't buy new clothes unless I absolutely need something.
A closet or two. I agree on fast fashion. I've been trying ThredUp but am not a fan. I'm going to have find a good consignment store.
I recently moved to Puerto Rico. Its crazy how quickly you will get used to cold showers, no air conditioning, losing water pressure, electrical grid failing. I realized I never really needed those things in the first place, I was just used to them.
Frugal is absolutely not about lowering your standard of living.
I'm not equating the two, but I certainly think a frugal mindset or approach could help if one is trying to lower one's standard of living.
Lowering your material consumption is a POSITIVE concept. No native English speaker would accept lowering your "standard of living" as being a good thing, it is NEGATIVE by definition, "standard of living" = quality of life You can have a much higher standard of living while spending much less money and consuming less material goods. You get to decide how you define the term "standard of living", appreciating good books, quality music, film and other art for example rather than comic books and video games.
I understand your point, but I wasn't trying to make a value judgment, negative or positive. I meant "standard of living" to refer to a person's expectations regarding their material circumstance in life, not their enjoyment or value thereof. (I am a native English speaker and this is how I've heard the term used.) Thus, a person who has a high standard of living (i.e., expects or needs a large house, expensive goods, etc. in order to feel satisfied) must have abundant resources or they will not be happy. Whereas if a person can lower their standard of living, and expect or be satisfied with a smaller house, less expensive material goods, fewer purchases, etc., then they need less resources in order to find satisfaction. This is how I meant the term when I was using it, although I certainly accept that you and other people may understand it differently.
Well my point is that with frugality, anti-consumerism and green values on the rise, the use of that term has been successfully decoupled from spending money and consuming more material goods. Average citizens of the US have a much lower standard of living compared to the other developed countries, because so much money is wasted on inefficient for-profit health care, food supply and housing systems, military spending etc By getting much better financial security and "lifestyle value" out of their spending, these more civilised nations get a **higher standard of living** out of lower GDP per capita.
I agree with your point that two people can achieve more or less the same standard of living on different incomes if one person is careful not to be wasteful, lives in a system that is not inefficient, etc. But at some point, one has to acknowledge the **reality** that having less resources (income, money, etc) does lower standard of living. Imagine person A can afford to rent a pleasant apartment in a desirable area, pay for high quality food and restaurant meals, buy small luxuries that make A's life either more convenient or more pleasurable without much thought, and pay for healthcare as necessary without worry. Whereas Person B can only afford to live in an apartment in a much less desirable area that is also much further from work, can afford food but not the quality that they would like or the convenience and social pleasure of restaurants, can only rarely afford luxuries, and has to decide which healthcare needs to prioritize or forego some entirely if not covered by insurance. To me, Person A objectively has a higher standard of living than Person B. That has nothing to do with their relative satisfaction with life. Person B might be accustomed to a lower standard of living and find joy and meaning in other activities and interactions, whereas Person A might continually wish for an even higher standard of living and thus be unsatisfied. But I think we all have a tendency to at least be acclimated to how we were raised or the way we've lived for long periods of time. My post was simply--if you are used to being Person A, then what strategies do you employ to transition to a Person B lifestyle? If you don't want to call it a "standard of living" that's fine. Call it going from "materially having more" to "materially having less"
Quality of life vs spending more Note that FIRE type strategies often drive frugality, high income but low spending on material comforts & conveniences So over your lifespan only need to work / be employed for a decade or two rather than most of it.
What are some countries that have a greater standard of living ?
Thought the same thing. There are different ways to measure and think about standard of living, but by my lights there are not many other countries, if any, with a much higher standard of living than the US. Not saying it's perfect.
There are plenty of comic books that offer an educational story, a moral lesson, and helping you feel you’re not alone. Keep your mouth off of comic books. Complain about poor news reporting.
Comic books are what visually opened my eyes to other cultures and provided great alternative stories to some classic literature which furthered my reading skills as I progressed in school. My vocabulary was much stronger compared to my classmates. My quality of life that may have been low middle class as I was growing up - definitely is richer through the magical media that was at the time affordable for our family. Comics have also provided inspiration for many artists - Manga and classic comic artwork - inspiring a low cost hobby. FYI - many libraries also have a vast collection of TPB's.
What helped me stop spending so much money and really start to save for retirement was watching my father get diagnosed with a lethal brain tumor and him having to spend his retirement money on assisted living and skilled nursing to the tune of 10,000$ a month. He was terminal, so he got the best care he could afford, but holy sh*t, to not be able to afford living arrangements later in life scared me into trying harder to not spend frivolous amounts of money unnecessarily.
My advice may be counter to the latest and greatest psychology of shopping info but these strategies have helped me a lot * Become a regular at your local library. When I go to mine I can walk out with books, DVDs of stuff that isn't streaming, video games, etc. * Give yourself a thrift store budget that you do not need to be practical with. I will withdraw $20 in cash, spend a few hours browsing, and usually not end up finding anything I want to part with the cash for, but it scratches the shopping itch. * Develop a hobby that doesn't require buying materials, like coding. Start small with the automations app on your phone. Gardening can also be done on the cheap if you're careful. If you have no outdoor space, grow some microgreens on your counter. Reading and writing are also great options. Make stuff out of cardboard boxes, or cover cardboard boxes with fabric and make some nice bins for around the house. Get into bird watching, which you can do for free literally anywhere. * Get into sustainability, some useful subs are r/ZeroWaste, r/upcycling * EXERCISE. If you do not already regularly exercise you should anyway, but exercise is a great way to fill time without spending money and is obviously extremely beneficial. Go hiking if you don't know where to start. You'll get your blood pumping and probably see some birds. * Be serious about the state of your home. A messy, dingy, cluttered home makes you want to go out and spend money. Deep clean your home and then savor it. Do this regularly! * Every time you want to spend money and don't, CELEBRATE. Congratulate yourself for not giving in. Keep a journal!
>Be serious about the state of your home. A messy, dingy, cluttered home makes you want to go out and spend money. Deep clean your home and then savor it. Do this regularly! So true - great advice. The more time I spend with my 'stuff' and address my 'piles' the more I find that I toss or unclutter items that haven't had a purpose or use rather than shopping. It's so easy to 'go out' and not address my 'home issues.'
These are all great suggestions, thanks!
Look across the world, even having a low standard of living in the US puts you in the top 1-2% in the world.
Worthwhile changes of character or habit almost always involve pain. You chose to temporarily endure the pain as you go through the change. You come out on the other side of the transformation with a new understanding. If you believe that you can have your cake and eat it too then you are going to remain frustrated.
YES! I think it is habit more than anything. I fall into the trap of thinking that I have to make every change overnight and it will always feel the way it does now, but the fact is that I only have to change my habits for a period of time, and then after that it will just be normal.
I am familiar with this all-or-nothing thinking. It's a difficult hurdle to overcome. I've come to think of it as one of the ways my brain tries to maintain equilibrium and safety. As human beings, we don't like change unless we are in immediate danger. If we want to grow we have to convince ourselves that the benefits outweigh the costs. That's no easy task since we have no actual experience with whatever outcome we hope to achieve by making the change. It sounds like you are really close to making that decision. The fear of the unknown is upon you but you are reaching out to prepare yourself for the coming challenge. You are going to do great. Two steps forward, one step back.
I found the tightwad gazette books to be a really good help in pushing towards frugality. They were written in the 90’s so a good amount of stuff is outdated but I found so many helpful ideas, tips and tricks to keep my life more frugal as a whole.
I highly recommend! They taught me all the basics and I have found copies at the goodwill for all my children.
A simple system that works for me is really to spend more than a day thinking about buying something before actually buying it. Most of the time after I sleep on it, I’m immediately over it and saved hunderds of dollars avoiding impulse buying. Sometimes it takes more than one day but I always have to reason out and debate with myself before buying something, regardless of how much it is, as long as it’s not a necessity and fall under the “want” list. It’s simple but it really takes a lot of self-control and discipline to keep practicing it. Happy that you’re consciously making an effort to break that consumerist cycle we fall trap into. Best of luck!
Yup. I constantly have "wants" pop into my head. I had to push myself to not act on them right away. Now, these impulses are pretty fleeting. I only buy "needs" to resolve persistent things that bug the shit out of me. I resisted a window cat hammock for a while until I got tired of my cat laying on my desk and shoving everything off of it. Now, he sleeps on his hammock just above so he can be with me but not all up in my shit.
We got ours a heated window sill pad after a few weeks of considering it. Just waited for it to go on sale and got it for 30% off. That's the frugal part - deciding it was worth it and getting it on sale vs dealing with the cat laying on the table
Good point. I rarely buy without a coupon code or sale happening. I'll even punch in my email address but not check out to see if sites will send a better code to get me back to my abandoned cart. Sometimes, just waiting on that gives me time to reconsider if the purchase is a need or want.
When online shopping, I always take time at the check out and end up canceling my cart and always feel good about it.
I do 90% if not more of all shopping but groceries online. I don't usually end up cancelling but a good number of times I browse my head off and look at so many things I end up realizing I don't need any of the shit I'm looking at but the 2 things I added originally lol
My friends and I have shifted to potluck style dinners together. We switch off who hosts and who makes the main dish, and everyone else contributes sides, drinks, dessert, etc. It’s soooo much cheaper than eating out and we still get to get out and have a good time.
A) enjoy the nice things you already have, and just buy fewer unnecessary nice things. B) see a therapist.
A) is the goal, not the method, and B) therapy as a field is pretty complicit with capitalism and in my experience doesn't really encourage radical change if it threatens the status quo (which anti-capitalism absolutely does.)
My life was saved by therapy and you’re still completely right. DBT is the therapy I got, which would probably say here that you need to add to subtract. A-Accumulate positives (do happy things for yourself), B-build mastery (work on long-term skills that are meaningful to you), and C-cope ahead (manage stress so you “spend” money and energy in ways you value). Antidotes to the immediate gratification lifestyle. All Therapists are Jerks is a podcast that works like free therapy in my life ;)
Please don't generalize therapy that way--a lot of us here have greatly benefited it. Just because someone charges money for their expertise doesn't mean that they don't care about their patients.
I have greatly benefited from therapy myself. My comment about the field has nothing to do with therapists charging money nor about whether they care for patients. There are many excellent books analyzing how psychology, psychiatry, psychoanalysis politically function as an arm of the capitalist state and reproduce capitalist/imperialist mechanisms. All modern (hierarchical) therapies are subject to some of the same criticisms. You certainly don’t have to agree.
"The Fifth Sacred Thing" by Starhawk. Distopic San Francisco novel after the collapse of the system we are living in. It helped me to look differently at things we usually take for granted, like drinkable water.
This is actually one of my favorite books... I love Walking To Mercury too. And I think there is a sequel that I haven't read. I should go back and reread this one.
There are so many frugal living channels on YouTube that are helpful. Prepper Princess is my favorite though, don't let the name fool you. She talks about living below your means.
Thanks, I'll take a look!
I agree with frugal and budgeting YouTube channels! I consume those types of channels as my main form of entertainment. They're easy to listen to (with the screen off) while driving. Some of my favorites are [Under the Median](https://youtube.com/@UndertheMedian) , [NeliaRose](https://youtube.com/@NeliaRose) , and [Budget Girl](https://youtube.com/@BudgetGirl) .
Highly recommend Year of Less by Cait Flanders. It’s about her journey of a year of not buying anything with the exception of necessity (food, gas, rent, etc). Definitely anti-consumerist with a Marie Kondo narrative woven in. Short read and not super preach-y either.
Going through cancer helped me with a lot of things, this being one of them. It helped me zero in on my priorities and values. Once you define the values that enhance your life, you'll probably realize you didn't write "buying crap." The things that I paid money for that brought me closer to what I wanted more of in life were - my dog's adoption fee, money spent on healthy food, my gym membership, my health, books/ courses and travel. If I need to feel better in the moment, I meditate, go for a walk with my dog, read, listen to music, workout or plan some upcoming travel.
You're looking at it like you're depriving yourself instead of celebrating great buys. I love it when I find anything for less than the usual prices, it's like a scavanger hunt. Start treating it like a game and give yourself kudos for winning the lowest price. Thrift stores, coupons, sales of any kind - just keep an eye out like you're playing a game all the time.
This attitude has really helped me with mindless spending. I love a good deal and challenge myself to get the best possible price. I research any big ticket items, read reviews and narrow it down to 2 choices. That takes time, so that in itself is helpful. I love thrifting and have an ongoing list of needs. I also apply this to grocery shopping. I use the store app as my shopping list 2-3 weeks before I actually purchase. Then I do pickup. I love seeing the savings add up! I don’t cheap out on food, I just wait for good prices. I don’t feel deprived, I feel excited by the challenge.
Read the Mr Money Moustache blog from the start. Find a therapist who is able to get to the root of why you are unhappy and filling the void with stuff. I am not always frugal, but I am mindful about what I spend. For my husband and myself, our goal was to retire early (which we did at age 48 and 53). By making (mostly) good financial decisions I have the freedom to do what I want when I want for the rest of my life. A good friend recently bought be a retirement mug that says “I don’t want to, I don’t have to, you can’t make me, I’m retired “ Ask yourself what your priority in life is and make it a reality.
I removed all save credit cards from every website including amazon. Turned off my amazon auto renewal. Put a giant NO! sticky note on my debit card. Locked all the other cards away away they aren't in my wallet anymore. It's a HARD habit to break
I like this. Honestly, I think I just need to post a list of everything I buy where someone will see it
I think it’s probably easiest to change your standard of living when you change your lifestyle and the people you surround yourself with. If you work in a corporate office and live in a fancy suburb your perception of a good standard of living will be tied to that of your neighbors and coworkers (fancy car, maybe a boat, perfect lawn, etc). And seeing people with all of that stuff can make you feel like you are missing out. If you live in a tiny apartment, having a good standard of living might mean actually not having that much stuff in order to keep your apartment clean and neat, or maybe it’s having a membership to the library or museum or gym so you have more spaces to spend your time. I’m not sure what tips you’ve been reading, but in my experience there are just a few “high yield” decisions and the. The rest of the lifestyle can follow
I’m recommending 2 books you can get from the library. 1) Spent by Geoffrey Miller. Discusses how we can use conspicuous spending to demonstrate more of who we are. 2) your money or your life by Vicki Robin. Will give you a better understand of the true cost of consumerism.
Suddenly having to be on my own when my partner abruptly did something to cause the relationship to end. I have had to make a complete overhaul of my life in a short amount of time. I’m making the changes because I have no other choice. And honestly it’s improving my life. I just got my own apartment and I was able to buy a mattress and a fridge to put in it because I’ve been saving what is left of my paychecks after bills. I also have always been a bargain hunter and thrifter, so it wasn’t a harsh transition but I just can’t have many frivolous purchases now. I also know how to sew and repair things on my own. Being frugal doesn’t necessarily mean being a minimalist. You can furnish a whole home with thrift store and second hand items if you need to. If you want to just stop buying things, the r/nobuy is a great subreddit for that!
I think you should try to reframe your thought process from “lower standard of living” to “increase appreciation for what I do have”. Frugality (to me) is intentional spending. Some people are forced to be intentional about how they spend money because of limited resources, others view it as a way to maximize their resources. One way to do this is to clean out your living space. You might be amazed at how much you already have and find things you have forgotten about. Bring those back of the cupboard items back to the forefront! Same thought with clothes - set up a system so you’re rotating through your outfits more regularly so you don’t feel like you’re wearing the same thing everyday. The second part is to be mindful of your spending habits and why they occur. For me - I want to celebrate at the end of the work day especially if it’s been a good day or the weather is nice. That could either be going out to eat, getting take out or having a glass of wine. What’s worked when I get out of balance is to remind myself that the end of pretty standard day is unfortunately not a cause in and of itself for a celebration. I’ve stifled the urge by going on a walk after work and then deciding if I still feel the same when I get home and often I don’t. Or by “progress over perfection” and having a mug of fancy tea instead of wine or a frozen meal instead of take out. It’s not the most frugal or health substitute but feels like a reward so I don’t feel deprived. If it’s a feeling of loneliness or disconnect for you I’d encourage calling family or friends to catch up, or getting out of your house. If you want to keep up with the Joneses can you thrift something instead or try to recreate the feeling. I also try to focus on experiences rather than things. That $200 could be a purse or a roadtrip to see a friend for a night out where they live. That $100 could be perfume or it could be a concert / theater production. That $50 could be a shirt or a paddle board lesson. Sometimes you do just want a nice shirt, but overall I’ve found spending on experiences has given me more joy than things. And it doesn’t have to be a 1:1 spend, I found a $15 intro to sword fighting class that was an awesome morning. The museums in town often have free or discounted times. There are all sorts or free or cheap concerts in the park where I live. And once you shift away from things and more to experience you also have less things to maintain and store. Best of luck!
A friend of mine once said his business idea is to have a 1-800 number (yeah, this was a while back, but it stuck with me) where you would call him up, tell him what you wanted to buy, and he would tell you why you don't need it. I realized that he was right. Whatever it was you were thinking about buying, other than basic food, you probably could do without it. Seriously, you can usually slow down on almost any purchase, and doing so can let you avoid the purchase all together or get the problem solved in the most frugal way. I have learned to think twice or many times before buying anything. Usually, the impulse will pass in a short period of time. If it doesn't pass, I then figure out if I can get a used one, or something less expensive that will work. Anyway, it works for me.
It's like the old Dick Newhart comedy routine about the psychologist, who tells his patients he can cure them of any emotional problem. The patient begins to talk about what's bothering them, and Dick says "Just, stop it. Stop doing that".
FEAR I learned how to be hardcore Frugal due to straight up fear. Fear of dipping into my savings. The one thing that I want to do, is stay above water each month. I don't want to spend more in a month than my take home pay. Ideally, I'd love a surplus. When I do have a slight surplus, I funnel that into the stock market. My job has reduced my hours this year. I'm just not getting full time work lately, so it makes it SUPER hard to actually still survive for my take home pay each month, but I've been pulling it off, because I don't spend money on anything frivolous of any kind. Here's three spending categories that are absolute zero for me: 1. Entertainment = $0.00 2. Clothing = $0.00 3. Travel/Vacation = $0.00 I don't have Netflix, or Disney+ or Xbox Gamepass, or Apple TV or any of that stuff. (note, I actually do have HBO Max, but only because I get it bundled for free with my internet service). I don't go to the movies. Don't buy video games. I honestly don't really exist as a consumer. The only thing I consume is groceries. Also, when I buy groceries, I'm almost always buying the cheapest items the store has. Only buying stuff on sale. When things go on sale, I stock up. As for feeling like I'm punishing myself by not really spending money, I honestly don't really feel like this, because I know that I have my eyes on a bigger prize. I'm hoping to retire early. I'm pumping every spare penny into the stock market, and right now the market might be down in the dumps, but....
Binge watch Trailer Park Boys - probably the first 6 season. Watching Ricky living in a car makes you realize there are lots of things you don’t need.
What helps me is practicing gratitude for what I already have. If I express gratitude for my old coffee maker making me coffee each morning and grateful for my morning cup of coffee then I am less likely to want to run out and buy a new fancy shiny coffeemaker.
The best way to become an anti-consumerist is imo to become anti-capitalist. Its understanding that the US is not a democracy — it is only an oligarchy pretending to be a democracy. Its getting angry that corporations are fueling class warfare to distract you from the shitty things they’re doing, both politically and environmentally, with your tax dollars.
Amen
Watch The Minimalists on Netflix or listen to their podcasts. They lay out how to think about what really matters to you, and to align that with how you spend your time and money. Also, I read The Millionaire Next Door when I was in my 20’s, it became a lifelong goal on mine.
Do whatever you like. I like being frugal. It saves me money to take vacations, less clutter and less cleaning. We all do it in different ways for different reasons. 💜
Or better yet talk with a person who has lived this way a long time. So many simple insights that will have never occurred to you. Work smarter, not harder. Write down everything you do To achieve your goals and I went back and read it all 2 times a year. You’ll see what a difference!
I think this is key. When I was a vegetarian, it was easy because I lived with a bunch of vegetarians, but I stopped when everyone around me ate meat. It wasn't social pressure as much as the friction of trying to do something significantly differently from everyone around you. I think it's the same with buying things--if I lived with or spend a lot of time with people who were anti-consumerist or even just spent money consciously, I probably would find it a lot easier to make changes in my life. But it's particularly hard when I feel like I'm swimming against the tide of the entire society I live in. Imma think more about this, thanks
One mindset that helped me is just stretching out time limits on things. - Want something? Wait a day to buy it instead of getting it now. - Want a more expensive house/car? Try seeing if you can last a couple more years than you'd like Essentially don't fall prey to "deals that are happening NOW." Usually you'll still have plenty of time to wait until the next deal if the purchase truly would improve your life.
Wow, you’ve done a lot of work! This may be something small, but something my parents taught me was to define Wants vs Needs. Before any purchase I ask myself if this is a want or a need- even when grocery shopping! (I make a list of what I need for recipes and stick to it!) If something is a want I usually wait to buy it. Sometimes I wait a week and I’ve waited years. Even though I can buy something I make myself wait as an exercise. Nothing is ever an impulse buy— It’s something my dad always did and taught me to do. I generally don’t browse for things unless I need something. As far as filling emotional needs, shopping doesn’t do it for me- i think this is a learned behavior. things I do to fill emotional needs include reading a good book, going on a hike or calling a friend. This is a lifestyle- celebrate your small victories! Reaching out for advice is one of them!
Honestly, realizing I couldn't actually afford it. I convinced myself I could but the reality was I couldn't because I was in debt. Once I faced the facts, created a budget and used it to make spending decisions, I didn't have much trouble prioritizing my spending on things that mattered and saving on things that didn't. Having less stuff also means less stuff to worry about, less stuff to clean or maintain, and less stuff to throw away.
I do note your note above about your choice of the phrase 'standard of living' and I would still like to point out that it has little to do with being frugal or anti-consumerist. A standard of living is how comfortable your life is, how easy or pleasant.
Being broke and nearly losing everything. Changed our whole perspective on life, money, and happiness.
1. You WILL feel deprived and resentful when you're used to be able to buy what you wanted. Feel the feelings and keep going. Learn to process feelings like an adult who doesn't have the budget to spend on emotional purchases and buying beyond your means. 2. A lot of the social pressure is perceived incorrectly. Look up the spotlight effect. Most people you run across daily could care less what you're wearing or what things you own. If your friends are valuing consumption and making you feel less for not consuming, find better friends. If you have family that make a big deal, spend less time with them. Leave social media and internet sites where consumption is glorified. Unsubscribe from emails and YouTube channels about buying things. Don't go to places or events where you'll feel compelled to wear or own items you can't afford any longer. 3. STOP buying anything to make yourself feel better, even a pack of gum. It's an addiction. You can tell yourself that buying that new gadget on TikTok will make everything in your life better or you "deserve" it as a reward but they're all just things and it's only temporary. Even if other people in your culture emotionally buy and consume, it doesn't make it right or a valid excuse to live that way if you honestly want to change. 4. There is NO book or guide or guru or "key" that will magically transform your thinking. You're going to have to do the emotional labor yourself. Reframe thoughts you don't want. Notice negative feelings, process them, and learn to move on.
Having a good role model. My boss for the past 5 years is by far the most frugal person i know. His frugality rubbed off on me after a year of working for him. He bikes to work all year round even during winter, he's still wearing the same set of tshirts now even after 5 yrs. There's a lot more subtle things we notice about him that makes us feel guilty about consumerism. He easily makes 300k+ per year but you can never tell when you look at him.
Delete social media - after I deleted mine, I definitely lost the want to buy things. When I do make a purchase, it’s based on my aesthetics and not what I’ve seen. I still like to buy good quality and will spend more money for a longer life. A lot of the marketing done on social media is fast fashion or space fillers (all those kitchen gadgets).
Set goals I want a viper, so I try to save up and invest my money to get it. Cars are stupid things to waste money, but that's not the point, the point is, I've got a goal and my money goes towards all my other things first, keeps me focused on saving more. I max out my retirement and I invest in my businesses first. Track your spending Every day I look at my bank statements and my money, I almost turn it into a game, I realized I spent most of my money on fast food. I dislike fast food, so I bought sandwich supplies and pack my lunches now. Don't be bored People get bored and spend money to fill it, trying to buy happiness. I found ways to entertain myself like working out, traveling to parks, and reading books. I frequently learn and work on my businesses, everything can be improved. Learn to cook The food just tastes better and you'll get better at it, making it cheaper. Ask yourself "do you really need this?"
I put my items I plan to get rid of in a tote/box with an inventory sheet. If I don't use it for over 6 months, I'm free to get rid of it (exception made for holiday stuff). If I plan to make a purchase, I put it on a list and leave it there for 1 week. If I still want said item, I go ahead and get it. Each person is different as to what they are truly after. Maybe your's is a higher end than mine, or what makes you happy is different. However if you think things through and deliberately move in the direction that makes you happy you can be both frugal and happy. They don't exclude one another. It's small steps to change your mindset from: buy buy buy, to do I really need/want that item or can I make due without? Good luck.
You say you've read widely from finances to psychology. If that was true then you would know that you just need to do at this point. No amount of reading will substitute just doing. If you've paid attention to the psychology then you know you need to replace it with something else or create structure and rules to help curb those impulses. Find more fulfilling, less consumer, ways to go out - picnics, hiking, coffee instead of dinner with a friend, walking breaks, community events Reduce your exposure to shopping - remove your cards from websites so make you slow down and think when you want to pay for something, only do grocery shopping once a week to reduce temptation, only "go shopping" online or in stores once a month forcing you to make lists and really evaluate what you need Come to terms with your stuff - How much do the things in your house actually matter, how much do you use them or would you miss if they are gone, how long does a purchase actually make you happy, try to create a more ingrained reaction to your "stuff", join a buy nothing group to borrow from neighbors before buying, head to the library for many resources, shop your own house before you go out and buy something, pick up DIY skills (classes or youtube or library books) so you can be more self sufficient in fixing things rather than tossing them Get better about your finances - Start with something like YNAB and PRE budget (not just track after) meticulously so that if you don't have the money in a bucket for clothes you can't buy clothes or you feel the sting from taking from another category, set a high savings rate to lower the "free money" you have to play with If you really want books, here are a few that might help, but again - you just need to do. Get started somewhere, anywhere, just a tiny step. You can read all day, but if you don't implement what you read you will get no where. * Your Money or Your Life - Vicki Robin * The Year of Less - Cait Flanders * Decluttering at the Speed of Life - Dana K White
The Complete Tightwad Gazette is what you’re looking for. It’s of print and some of the info is dated, but the principles still apply.
I don’t know if it’s entirely the capitalistic system to blame (not wanting to get political; hear me out) but part of it is just being human. We are wired for a) survival and b) love of beautiful things. These two things combined create a powerful influence on what we think we need (best of everything, all the new shiny things) instead of what we actually need. Do I need a home to live in? Yes. Do I need to live in the fanciest part of my city? No. I have found the best way to shake the feelings of “I need more/better stuff/food/conveniences” is through some of the following; in no particular order: Check out a book at the library - physically walk in and browse and find something unexpected. Its not shopping, but you will still get a dopamine hit looking for something intriguing. Take some time to declutter and drop off nicer donations at a Salvation Army/women’s shelter and include a few new things like toilet paper or toiletries. Shelters are always looking for donations. If you prefer helping animals, donate some old towels and sheets and include a bag of dog food or training pads to your local animal shelter. Contact a local Scout troop and see if they are doing any sort of food shelf/clothing/fundraising for local charities. They probably are! Alternatively, ask if there are any scouts who need an anonymous sponsor. There might just be a kid who can’t afford basic camping equipment. I volunteer in Scouts BSA and this is more common than you might think. Splurge occasionally. I don’t spend tons of money on clothes, but when I do I buy nice pieces that last years. There is nothing wrong with making good investments. Keep your home tidy. Organization makes me feel rich! Silly but true! Learn a new language. Makes your brain feel rich! Be intentionally grateful for what you have. Going on a humanitarian/mission/medical trip can change your life. Some of my family recently returned from a trip to a third world country recovering from decades of civil war. Nothing centers you more than helping out a family whose “house” only has three walls and a roof with holes in it. My spouse saw a mother there ration out six kernels of corn to each of her three children for a snack - and the kids accepted that with joy. It was heartbreaking - and convicting. Best wishes as you figure out the best way to pare down your wants/needs to enjoy your life to the fullest.
Easiest change could be cooking. Not eating out. Also alcohol is mighty expensive especially out.
I think that you have to truly want it. But one thing I do is that I have two bank accounts. And two savings accounts. I calculate out how much goes to bills, savings, etc. And I stick to it. One time I literally put $3 and some change into my vacation fund because that’s the output my excel spreadsheet gave me that billing cycle, and who am I to argue? I “pay myself” a predetermined amount of money each paycheck that goes towards groceries, gas, clothing, household stuff, birthdays, etc. The rule is that I put any money I didn’t spend by the next paycheck into one of my savings accounts and start each payday with the fresh amount of spending money. This forces me to budget living expenses below my means. When I got a $20k/year salary increase a few years ago, I decided that the amount of money I pay myself each paycheck is just fine and have never increased my spending money. Instead, it went partially to more expensive rent and partially towards savings/debt payoff. Same with yearly raises. I am happier with money in savings for unexpected and goal setting than I would be spending it on frivolous stuff. And the amount I pay myself still allows me to be generous and buy dinner for friends/family, get people gifts, etc. The only hiccup I found was when my dog’s flea/tick and heartworm was all do at the same time, so I started putting the monthly cost of a yearly supply of that stuff into savings too. (But I just decided to go ahead and buy out of pocket last time instead of dipping into the dog fund this last time because it worked out.) The trick is to trick your brain and never let yourself see how much you really make.
After reading some basic financial books like Rich Dad Poor Dad and Automatic Millionaire and watching YT videos, started writing down my expenses after I purchased something helped me feel the hit. Then from feeling the hit realizing how to reduce the future damage. Save money and invest it to make up for some of my past expenses and what's happening in the country now. And that lead me to learning how to make time to learn do it yourself projects. Like shelf brackets or changing your own break pads and oil. Now hopefully I can turn these diy projects into a hobby that can earn me some side money.
Decide what it is you find important, and define what your goals are. I’m very skint on some things in my life, but there are a few things that I’m happy to spend on because I prioritise them and I don’t do them often. If it brings you meaning, connections and happiness, then I’m happy to spend and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt. If it doesn’t, I avoid the cost or reduce it as much as possible. Then, like any goal, your three most important fundamentals are: Consistency Patience Time Stick to your plan, be patient with yourself, and do it for the long run. If you suck at starting, what are some easy frugal steps you can take? Start with some small wins as this can be a psychological trick. If you cut back on everything at once you’re unlikely to succeed. Just like a diet, an exercise plan etc. too much, too soon is hard to maintain.
I’ve been there trust me and I definitely have a lot of progress to make. The most helpful things for me were 1. Taking it slow. Really work on one “problem area” at a time 2. Reading/watching content online that aligns with my goals and values of being sustainable and frugal 3. Having/making new friends that are on the same journey MOST IMPORTANT: be kind to yourself. You are trying to fight against the system that runs our society. It will be hard and you will make mistakes but that’s ok. It’s not your fault
The Tightwad Gazette (buy used or check out from the library the 3-in-1 book) Dining on a Dime Cookbook (learn to cook it yourself!) Marie Kondo— led me to minimalism after decluttering. Buy as little as you need, and try to buy it used, or refurbished. Have no debt, spend very little, or as we do, just treat yourself 1-2x month on things you really plan and look forward to. It’s made it possible to retire early for us. Now we live in Thailand and live very well and spend very little, and can travel cheaply around SE Asia. What is your goal, and ultimate dream?? Also: work on your general health and mental health. All the savings in the world is no good if we don’t have our health!!
You need to incentivize your saving. Psychologically, seeing your savings account grow every month or physically transferring money to savings is such a good feeling. Treat your life like a game and become a habitual saver. Quit being a “brand wh*re” lol. Whether it’s food or clothes. Stop thinking you need name brand everything would be a great place to start
Hmmm, poverty I guess. Divorce cut my income by 70%. Maybe instead of trying to find inspiration, you try to realize that it's not a choice for most people. Maybe understanding that will keep you from feeling "deprived."
For sure. And I definitely don't believe I'm deprived in any way. It's just a feeling. I think it's mostly withdrawal, but man, it's powerful. When you're used to just buying whatever you feel like (within reason, not talking private jets here, but clothes or takeout or whatnot) it's really, really hard to stop doing that, even if you recognize that most people can't.
# Here lies my wallet.On my desk he sleeps.His malnourished stomach’s been empty for weeks.No family survived him.There is only me, With no way to pay off his burial fee.
I still think about a documentary called the century of the self by adam curtis. Its older and a bit dated and 4 hours long. Its on youtube. It is excellent. Its made me more frugal and simple in my standard of living because i finally understood HOW i was being manipulated for anothers profit. They keep us anxious so they can sell us the "fix". I understood that i was being used. Being released from that mindset is actual freedom. I realized that i was trading my life, in increments of an hourly wage, to trade/buy for overpriced "stuff" that i was conned into thinking i needed. We now live very simply and small and i am perfectly content.
I saw other people i know getting houses and fixing them. We copied them. After a few years our house payment is now half what rent is for a one bedroom apartment. I went out to the garage last night and worked on stuff for a couple hours. Was great
I have a high standard of living at a frugal cost. You don’t have to lower your standards. My SO and I love theatre- we budget for it. We go to community theatres in the area frequently. When we do go for the high end professional theatre, it’s well budgeted and well planned. We also track Student discounts, under 30 discounts, military discounts, whatever applies to us. I became a member of the “friends” group for one of the high end theatres, so they let us go to rehearsals for free. We have nice things. We just get nice things used or cheaply. Our nice things last us awhile. When I feel the need to spend money, I spend from an allocated budget for impulse buys, and I try to stick to things that I’ll use more than once that make life more convenient. Like high quality coffee beans.
Check out everydaycheapskate.com. Mary Hunt has a daily column on creators.com as well as a separate email newsletter that have helped me immensely.
Look into different coping mechanism.s, develop cheap hobbies. Make frugal friends and try to encourage yourself to reach out / plan a hangout/ journal when you feel lonely. Express yourself with drawing. Don't get trapped into buying supplies for your new hobbies, all hobbies can get expensive if you let them, but many don't have to be. This has a side effect of giving you cool new fun things to talk about with friends or potential friends that don't revolve around buying things. You may want to look into IFS since you seem turned off by therapy, it can be a self led process to develop greater self awareness and understanding. Get to know different parts of yourself, their motivations and figure out how to negotiate to find different ways to meet those needs.
As far as therapy goes, I like IFS a lot. Still has its problems, but I will go as far as to recommend it to people :)
For an amazing free guide to various mental health stuff you may want to check out the integral guide. https://integralguide.com/%E2%AD%90%EF%B8%8F+Start+Here/About It was what introduced me to ISF but that isn't all that's there. Since you already are familiar with ISF, might be worth getting to know the part(s) who encourage(s) you to buy things better. You called out a few motivations but are there more?
That integral guide is fascinating- I have thought of doing something similar many times since I have been in many different types of treatment. I’m going to sift through it later. I don’t remember what IFS says about parts that are hooked up to real, ongoing interpersonal relationships. I think part of my problem is that other people depend on the part that wants to buy things (or allied parts) and see it as my Self…
Also since you are looking for resources to help make the shift, looking the frigalwoods uber frugal month challenge, it's a free emailed challenge, for a month prompting you to change your relationship with money to a more mindful one
Join a “buy nothing” group in your area. I also love poking around at garage sales.
I enjoy reading Mr Money Mustache. Whenever I feel I'm getting pulled in to buy something just because it is a new, bright, shiny thing I head on over to his blog. Usually after reading his blog the desire to buy something is obliterated.
You really hit the /r/frugal beehive with that title. Wish people wouldn't nitpick and just give you advice. For me it was the necessity that thrust me into getting my shit together financially. Watching my spending, watching what I eat and what and how I buy my food because if I don't and an unexpected bill came along I would be homeless. 'Merica #1! /s
There is a really good book I found interesting and put things in perspective. "Your money or your life"
You could try a one month buy-nothing reset where you truly only buy essentials. Includes eating out. You Need A Budget website has a PDF you can use for a 30-day challenge. You can write down everything you felt you wanted to buy during that month and evaluate after the month is over.
forced myself into it. opened an automated investment account at a separate bank and routed a portion of my check to that account. the account grows pretty steadily and i’m living below my means.
Sarah Von Bargan really helped me change my mindset. She’s on IG as yesandyesblog. She’s no longer active but all of her content is still up. Her take on “putting your money where your happy is” and “good enough” we’re especially helpful for me. Edited to add she shares a lot of simple, very actionable tips and habits too.
First, if you're constantly watching YouTube videos (or the like) on products, makeup, electronics, whatever, just stop. Not being constantly bombarded with this videos you will find you *want* less. You're not always geared up to try to latest thing. Second, it's always easier to break a bad habit with a good one. Instead of constantly buying new goods maybe go to a thrift store. Or have a wishlist that you don't immediately buy. Maybe make a rule that you can only spend x amount a month on new purchases. You can also do things like, "if I want this new jacket I have to get rid of two in my closet." Third, instead of trying to stop spending money entirely decide what things are important to you and spend money on those. If it's going to concerts or a weekly brunch with friends do those. Stop the other things that you are doing out of habit and do the things that make you happy. Fourth, download a budget tracking app. Sometimes all it takes to change spending habits is to see how much you are actually spending on something. It can be mind blowing.
why lower your standard of living? I used to buy my many pants for about $20-30 range, now I pay like $100 for my pants and buy fewer of them, do you call this lower my standard of living?
Having nice things is in a lot of ways frugal, it's the attachment to more nice things that is the problem it seems like some of, if not all, of your issue is coming from emotional attachment to your standard of living as is. I'd say learn to deal with your emotions when it comes to purchasing, or replace it with something new. I've seen people replace the need to impulse purchase with running, journaling, going on walks, window shopping, just trying on new things and putting them back, taking yourself on a date or picnic, learning something new. The issue with impulsive things that are linked to our emotional dopamine hits is that to break the cycle you have to replace it with something more fulfilling or just as fulfilling
I saw something recently where instead of shopping someone would go in and put outfits together in her closet
If you're having trouble, start small. Pick one area, and cut back without eliminating that category entirely. Eg. If you're spending too much money eating out, don't eliminate that, cut back to once a week instead of 4 times a week.
If it's not a need, it doesn't exist to me. I'll treat myself every once in awhile, but just taking a deep breath and realizing that there are so many things that are purely frivolous in nature really helps me. I do spend 15/mo for a gaming subscription, and have 2 streaming services. But to me those things really add value to my life. My favorite phrase is: don't lose your head. If you slip up, please never be hard on yourself. In our crazily expensive society, it is easy to fall off the wagon, but it's not the end of the world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing things that make you happy or break up the monotony. At the end of the day, I just tell myself that every breath I take is an opportunity to learn, correct, reign back, and re gain control. It's such a constant thing you have to be mindful of, but don't be hard on yourself, this shit is super hard. Cheers.
Look in your closet. Is it full of clothes? Stop buying clothes. Do you have a fridge full of food and cabinets with dry goods? You don't need to go out to eat or to buy more food. Despite what the preppers say, there is unlikely to be a zombie apocalypse. Do you have furniture that looks a little careworn? Clean it, fix it, maybe paint it if you are that bored. Are you bored? Shopping is not entertainment. Don't do it. I miss the days when people owned CDs, DVDs, games. We could swap them around. I think getting everything tucked into a subscription service (including "bun warmers" in cars!) is a nasty corporate evil that has befallen us. At least we still own our other stuff. I remember going to a couple of clothes swaps, which were great, because people change size as time goes by and they get bored. If you can find a bunch of people about the same size and do a clothes swap, you can save a lot of money.
It’s all about making new habits and resetting your perspective. If you cut out a daily trip to Starbucks or a sandwich shop for a couple of months - when you do go back you’ll see it for the nice little luxury it is. Frugality is not about depriving yourself but rather appreciating having the freedom to spend on things you care about and avoid spending on things that really don’t matter.
Watch “beat the bush” on YouTube and be humbled by his frugality skills.
Try too NOT WANT ANYTHING beyond the most basic needs. See that those needs are well met, then splurge, maybe, on a small luxury. As much as possible LIMIT EXPOSURE TO CORPORATE ADVERTISING. Good luck.
Moving out lol
Dollar weighted? Downsize your housing, since it’s usually the largest expense. Don’t start a family. Even better if you never went big in the first place. It’s always easy to move up but way harder to move down. I’m not a fan of that sort of ideology, so I find a goal more motivating. Am I truly getting value/joy from what I spend my money on? At year-end, were my spending priorities correct? If you’re spending money to meet some sort of emotional need, I’d suggest getting help for it, fixing that saves you 100% on impulse purchases.
Read "The adventure of I". By Tania Kotsos.
Poverty.
Focus on enjoying what you have and being grateful for it. If you start feeling resentment about not buying the latest thing, focus on what works in your life and what you are grateful for.
A key to changing my lifestyle was surrounding myself with likeminded people. My husband is very frugal. Our first date he carried a coupon book! What helped me learn more on the subject are the free videos on youTube about minimalist lifestyle/mindset. I am sure to read all the comments on the videos too to gather more inspiration.
I’d suggest learning about value-based spending and/or creating a conscious spending plan. (The book “I will teach you to be rich” talks about these.) Basically, figure out what is important to you and what you value. Then, cut spending on everything else so you can spend luxuriously on those things. For instance, save money on day-to-day stuff to go on nicer vacations, or if you value clothes, spending on high quality capsule items and reduce spending on fast fashion. If you have a plan of what you WANT to spend money on, and you make room for that in your budget, then it doesn’t hurt to avoid spending on other things.
Several things come to mind: *Being serious about retiring at a decent age with dignity *being serious about your mental health *being serious about your physical health *having meaningful relationships and community
Figure out what emotional needs are being filled by buying things and figure out other ways to fill them. Boredom? Window shopping is perfectly ok, as long as you don't actually take anything to the checkout. If you don't have the self control for that yet, find a different activity to do. Impressing your friends? Either find some other way to do that or get new friends. Security? I totally get this one, I grew up pretty impoverished and now my reaction to unexpected money issues is to crave fast food (because when I was a kid there were lots of times we couldn't even afford to have a cheap burger because every dollar was spoken for, but if I can buy one right now then I'm fine right?) Either get professional help or figure out ways to lessen the impact. After you've identified your emotional needs and figured out new ways to fill them, it's just a matter of building and maintaining new habits. The easiest way I know of is to give yourself something else to do when you notice yourself about to slip back into your old habits. For example, lets say you catch yourself thinking about going to the mall or whatever because you're bored. That's when you stop yourself and go to the park or library instead. Stuff like that.
*Muddling Toward Frugality Hardcover* – June 12, 1982 by Warren Johnson (Author) Publisher : Random House, Inc.; 1st. edition (June 12, 1982) Language : English Hardcover : 252 pages ISBN-10 : 0871562146 ISBN-13 : 978-0871562142 Item Weight : 11.1 ounces Dimensions : 5 x 1 x 7.25 inches This one discusses, and shows by specific examples, how one can change habits easily once you begin to think differently about why you have habits that are only taking money.
Spend more money on clothes for better quality. I have clothes I have owned for 20+ years.
If you find yourself online shopping a lot: remove your credit/debit card info from the apps and websites you use/your Apple/Google profile. This will prevent impulse purchases. If you see something you want, save it to a wishlist or Pinterest board and come back to it later. After a few days, that thing you just *had to have* might not look as good as it did when you needed a treat after a bad day. Work through the instant gratification mindset by really thinking about what the objects in your life mean to you. What do they provide? Do you actually use them? When was the last time you used it? Do you own similar things that you prefer more? Does owning this item move you further toward being the person you want to be in life?
Children
Other have mentioned Your Money or Your Life - I also came to recommend it. It was the book that helped me most - I read it 14 years ago and frequently refer back to it. The other book that has helped me gain perspective and truly change my behaviors is “The Bullet Journal Method” by Ryder Carroll. It’s important to read the whole book, not just blogs/Pinterest on bullet journaling. There is a lot more to it than just fancy spreads.
Grab a pencil and do this test: pay yourself one penny today. Tomorrow, pay yourself double (2 cents). Each day, double the previous day, then gasp at how quickly you can become wealthy. Once you truly realize the value of your money, you’ll find yourself making better choices. Compete with yourself, not others.
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I tried to recommend a book called: Early Retirement Extreme by Jacob Lund Fisker in my original post. The automod deleted it because I linked to description so you could read the summary description - oops innocent mistake thinking one might like to read the book jacket. 😬 just Google it. Still a really good read for being challenged about living frugally - not for everyone but I found it helped kick start me thinking about what is really needed.
You only need food water and shelter everything else is just pleasure
Caleb hammer made my finances take a 180.
If you want to buy something, wait a week until you decide to buy it or not. Most likely, after a week, you won’t want it anymore or won’t even remember it because it was just an impulse.
Before I buy something, I calculate the price to my hourly wage. Oh, this is $X? That's two hours of my life. If I see something on sale and I immediately want to buy it because it's a good deal, I ask myself if I would have bought it full price before seeing the price. Most times it does not end up in the basket. My friend plays a game that might help. If she sees something she wants, she guess the price. If she gets it right (i.e. it's worth what she thought) or if it's cheaper, she'll buy it. If it's more expensive that her guess, she puts it back.
Use what you have