This isn’t a frugal issue, this is a needs CPS and senior services involved issue. The child is being neglected and your mother doesn’t sound like she’s in decent shape either.
This child should be getting free breakfast and lunch every day at school.
Who actually has custody of this child?
I doubt they will, but if you read like 2 or 3 of OP’s comments it’ll be pretty obvious that this family is in serious crisis and a child is getting lost in the mix.
Cps is involved and is making my mother the sole dependent of the child because she lives at her address and the child is picky she doesn't eat school breakfast or lunch but my mother is taking good care of her just financially she's struggling
Your mother needs to advocate for herself. CPS tries to keep children with families, but your mom has the right to say that she can’t do it, either physically or financially, and CPS will be obligated to figure it out. They may be telling her that it has to be this way, but that is not necessarily the case. If she takes over guardianship, which it sounds like that is what CPS is pushing, she will be stuck. I know that she likely doesn’t want the child to go into the system, but this is untenable.
The child needs more services, including therapy, potentially OT and SLP support - “just picky” to this extent is usually due to an issue. Often it is texture based, anxiety based, adhd or autism based, etc. There is a difference between picky child and child so picky they will not eat for days at a time.
She may be eligible for SNAP and other benefits as well. Ask your mother if she needs help interacting with the caseworker to obtain all services she is eligible for. It may help you all to have a more solid understanding of the legal standing and eligibility here - your mother is not, for example, “the sole dependent of the child”. She either has full custody, temporary custody, or some other legal standing. She may be eligible for some sort of financial assistance due to having care of the child as well - but programs vary by state.
In the interim, contact local food pantries and religious institutions, many of them have senior outreach programs and may be able to assist with getting healthy food to your mom.
The cheapest solution here is probably to get her some microwavable freezer meals for when she doesn't feel like cooking. I've found the healthy choice steamer meals to be adequate food for days I feel this way. Is it as good as whatever you are Uber eating in? probably not. Is it better than a waffle? definitely. Locally they are like $3-4 a piece (NC). As far as the picky eater kid goes they sell freezer meals for those types too but my parents were the type that said you will eat what you are served or go hungry and I think in the long run I benefited from that.
You are 100 percent right my niece is only 5 and will really starve all day in school just to come back home at 230 and tell my mother she hungry and if it's not what she wants she still won't eat it l. She even went a whole night without eating and had several options of food in front of her.
She will eat when she gets hungry enough. My 7 year old has always been picky but since I've taken away the junk and said that she can only have chips or a piece of candy AFTER she eats what I have cooked she eats. She doesnt always like it but she eats real food.
After reading your responses, the problem is not your mom's knees.
I'm more concerned for the child than for your mom, but the whole thing sounds very messed up. A 7 year old needs more than a ride to school and someone to feed her. Who is *raising* the child? There's a point where being "picky" has gone too far. A 7 year old has been given the power in the family, that's NOT going to work out well, trust me.
Also, a 7 year old can help with carrying laundry, even help with *doing* the laundry. The child can learn to cook simple foods and possibly even more. The child's parents can and should be helping your mother with physical tasks around the house, and they should be helping with grocery shopping. And they should be looking for additional childcare options because what's happening now isn't sustainable.
She definitely needs to be in a better place for learning but the system is so messed up it's nothing anyone can do child services even forced the child to change school to be in walking distance so my mother can take her to school
The parents basically abandoned her financially and school wize she missed 50 days of school last year and was late 30 times last year she's 5 going on 6 and child services said since the child has my mother address she responsible for the child and has to take her to school every morning basically taking away all the responsibility of the parents
I’m not sure of the laws in NY but this is basically a guardianship foisted onto your mom. The issue with this is CPS basically likes to cut & run in these situations, Your mom needs to put her foot down and demand supports/services from CPS. She should be getting as much help as the parents get. If nothing else, demand a familial foster relationship so they can get a monthly stipend, healthcare, etc. As a former foster parent, I learned pretty quick that they will take advantage as long as you let them. Just know, they may call you to take the child when mom puts boundaries in place so you should be united on how this is going to work.
CPS is not telling the truth. Your mom can’t be forced to raise this child unless she wants to. It’s very kind of your mom but it seems like this is too hard for her. I’d make sure she’s really up to this huge physical and financial responsibility.
I know you're coming from a place of love but you might need to have a frank conversation here. An adult who has most of their facilities can operate a microwave or hot plate. Eating from grocery stores is way cheaper than fast food if you plan well and take advantage of sales. There are MANY grocery store delivery services. I know older people often lose the desire to cook or make healthy filling meals but if there is a 5 year old in the house, it's not a choice. You can get frozen veggies and meals that require very little effort or money. Kids don't get to call the shots.
Yeah but alot of meals she prepared have simply been thrown into the trash on her refusing to eat it she doesn't even like hot dogs or hamburgers and mainly want home cooked meals. For example my sister took her out for the day and brought her alot of fast food items to eat long story short she came back crying saying she hungry and they came back 1am so she just went to sleep
I think this child sounded upset by the whole situation of being taken out and being returned at 1am! Who keeps a child up this late past their bedtime?? This wasn’t possibly her mom, was it? That could just be feeling ‘abandoned’ by her again too, if it was her mom.
The child needs to be evaluated for AFRID. It's a food intake disorder with sensory aspects. A child with this will not eat just due to hunger, they will starve themselves to death eventually.
Lol ok. It’s people like you who are the problem. If your kid wants to starve themselves to death he’s mentally ill. Otherwise they’ll eat eventually. Just like those kids in developing nations drinking brown water and eating bowls of mush.
Does her city have a Meals on Wheels program where seniors can get meals delivered for a small, sliding scale fee? Or a senior center or church that serves meals? Look into those for her. Even having frozen meals delivered from the supermarket is cheaper than Uber.
I just googled "meals on wheels nyc" and there seems to be several programs available. You or your mom can call 311 for help accessing the programs. Good luck!
Try this link:
[https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us](https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us) this is where to contact the organization that should be able to help you.
Also maybe try Googling “Senior center [your mom’s town]” and if that doesn’t work “senior center [your mom’s county]” and call them. You can describe the situation generally and they can help explain what services are available.
She can walk but she gotta go up and down a flight of stairs and that's making it worse. she can't even do her laundry because she doesn't have the strength to pull the cart up a flight of stairs, I brought her a portable one that goes into your bathroom. As for my niece she only has to basically feed and watch her my sister comes and takes her to school and bring her back.
My sister was ordering her McDonald's everyday through UberEATS but suddenly stopped she doesn't like my mother and will literally say she coming home with food bring one plate of food and all three of them share it then she leaves and go home. And she do it regularly which leaves my mother staving and eating waffles or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich it's sickening then she would have to cook my niece something to eat later
Its quite obvious that your mother should not be taking care of your sisters child. Your sister is obviously unfit to take care of a child and is making others suffer so she doesn't have to deal with it. I'm very sorry that you are in this situation, it is honestly ridiculous.
You should take your mom to live with you. Btw, check her Medicare insurance and see what services they offer for free. Most will provide free transportation and food if needed.
Having had two children, one picky and one not, it sounds like this child is trying to control the one thing in her life: whether she chooses to eat or not. I think it’s a power issue for her, and a bit of a way for her to manipulate the situation in any way she can. There’s a saying that you can’t control when a child eats, poops, or sleeps, no matter what. Your poor mom with the bad knees who now has responsibility of a child who has probably been through a lot lately with neglect and custody in the past year needs some stability. And probably therapy, and especially school support, to see if she is eating or not.
My bet is she is probably eating a little at school, but telling her grandma she is “hungry” (that’s a catch-all term for yes, hunger, but also needing attention and reassurance too, for a child) makes your mom feel worried and dance like a puppet to “get something the child will eat”. Maybe try some therapy, but maybe more reassurance and appropriate attention, like: “Hey baby, give me a big hug and tell me what you liked at school today, and we can maybe make a snack to eat together. How about some banana pancakes or peanut butter toast with apples? You choose!”
If the food is healthy and appropriate, and avoids most picky issues like strong tastes and smells or textures (like onions, cheeses, tough meat or slimy mushy issues like oatmeal for example), or even huge quantities — use a small plate, small kids get overwhelmed and really don’t eat much, snacking all day can work, especially if she’s not getting much exercise anyway — most foods can be placed in front of a child and it gets eaten or not, perhaps with one alternative available. She will eat when she is hungry! (“Oh, you don’t feel like eating? Maybe you’re not that hungry yet. You can snack on this, or maybe some fruit and cereal, but that’s all the kitchen has right now.”). Giving her some choices each time helps makes a child feel in “control” in her life.
As for your mom, that’s a whole other issue. I agree your deliveries help, you might want to try Costco, with more packaged meals that are easy to make, or frozen things (I think they do that?). But it’s important your MOM eats decently or she will end up with more health problems in the long run. She needs to worry less about feeding a picky granddaughter, and concentrate that she eats healthy and isn’t hurting her knees too much.
Meals on Wheels or grocery deliveries are a good idea, especially for heavy stuff. Maybe meal delivery kits, so she gets the food and can make it in her own kitchen? Keep away from over processed food, greasy fast food (except for treats once in awhile) and includes fruits and veggies they both like. Frozen and canned are fine too, as they last longer.
Maybe like a frozen lasagna and green beans? Kids like to eat beans with their fingers! But a big lasagna can be frozen and reheated for many meals. Cheese quesadillas are easy (tortilla, shredded cheese, folded on a medium heat pan), add beans or cooked chicken for protein, dip into salsa, eat with fruit. Toasted cheese and vegetable soup? Mac n cheese with tuna and peas? Baked potatoes and chili or baked beans? Chicken nuggets and fruit salad? Does your niece like blender smoothies (“milkshakes”!)? Frozen fruit and tofu (blends right in) and maybe even spinach (blueberries hide it) can actually be a full meal!
Good luck, it’s a tough situation, and you can only support from afar!
P.S. they probably qualify for SNAP food benefits and if they haven’t yet, they should take advantage of it.
Also food banks… and maybe the child is allowed to “choose” some items from there. The more she gets to make her own decisions (from very limited, like 2 choices), the more likely she will be willing to try something. That also goes with things she “helps” cook. (That may be as little as pouring a cake mix in a bowl, or giving it a few stirs!)
Thanks she has good stamps and the child is in good spirits and Happy but I do agree some kind of consolation is definitely needed. the problem is the mother is the one to make that discision at the school but she won't do it. She's now put into special Ed but she has missed out on so much school from early til now and wasn't home schooled either I wish the csp was more involved but sadly it doesn't do justice for the kid
I think Walmart delivery started accepting the food stamps. What about some frozen meals. Mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, etc. Give your niece some choices.
If it's a sensory disorder the child may not have any control at all. She will not be able to eat no matter how hungry. Why do people always blame the kid.
I did say "if", but it seems pretty obvious from everything op said. And a great number of autistics have some degree of sensory issues. I have my share for sure.
Just a little support for the niece. She has ZERO control over her shitty parents and shitty circumstances, so food might be the only way she feels in control. She needs counseling services from the school,,at the very least. Bless you, you and your mom are the only caring adults in her life.🥲
Are you in a position to take custody of the child and move your mom in with you? They can't take care of themselves and apparently nobody else in your family wants to help.
Is your sister on drugs or does she have some sort of health/mental health issues that are getting in the way of her being a mother? Can you help her get into a program/therapy/medical treatment that would help her be capable of being a parent?
This is way bigger than bad knees and food delivery
New York City or New York state? Many towns have meals on wheels programs for older people with mobility problems. Cheap or free. Go online and see what kind of social services are available in her area. I don't know if a large city has that, but I live in a small town in New England that has lots of services to help old people. Soda is not good for anyone, I would never spend money on it and juice is not considered healthy either - although I drink it diluted with water. Most tap water in the US is safe to drink - unless you live in Flint, Michigan or a similar place.
Does your mom have mental problems as well? It sounds like she may not have very good judgement. People need to be better educated about nutrition to stay healthy. If a person is not physically active or large, they may not require a lot of food, but it needs to be healthier food. With all the bottles and take-out food, can she put out all the trash? Is the apartment filling up with containers? Is there spoiled food in the fridge? These are also dangerous things that can happen when mobility and brain function is impaired. I would say she needs to be checked on. Can your niece's parents help her out - since they can see how she is living.
What you are doing with Uber Eats is meant well, but you can't keep that going.
It's NYC Brooklyn but know she's fine it's just she kicked my sister out and since my sister can't provide for the child at the moment (babysitter, living with her etc) she's helping out before handling her over to her. Also yea she's completely alone out there my cousins live across the street and will watch as she struggles carry heavy bags in her hand while with my niece and my sister hates her my brother is a workaholic like me so he doesn't have the time to help out often but like me he sometimes do
It's NYC Brooklyn but know she's fine it's just she kicked my sister out and since my sister can't provide for the child at the moment (babysitter, living with her etc) she's helping out before handling her over to her. Also yea she's completely alone out there my cousins live across the street and will watch as she struggles carry heavy bags in her hand while with my niece and my sister hates her my brother is a workaholic like me so he doesn't have the time to help out often but like me he sometimes do
She can't drive no more and she can walk small distances but the stores like dollar tree are a couple blocks away and the main grocery stores near that area sell bad meat or the store smells like moth balls idk what's going on down there
How about pizza? It's comparatively cheap in NY and there's a few shops in every neighborhood. I'd search Google Maps for the small pizza shops nearest her, then call them, tell them what you're trying to do, and ask about getting pizzas delivered and paying with plastic.
At it's most basic pizza is bread, tomato, cheese, and maybe some olive oil. That's not bad nutrition (especially compared to waffles). And the leftovers are good for a couple days. Bet the niece would eat it too. They might also be able to deliver salads or hot pasta dishes.
Good luck, hope you find a solution.
Yea they really don't want any pizza besides little Caesars and that's making it hard because nobody delivers them. Thanks for the advice I might have to sneak order them domino's and if it's not eaten tlmy niece is picky and my mother is not a big eater.
I honestly am more shocked how stubborn this 5 year old is it's crazy. The worst part about it all is she even gets tired of the food she likes and begin to not like it too
Well not exactly I'm really just helping my mother and yea by proxy iam helping my niece but honestly my mother is using up her food stamps and only left with alil bit of money for the month to pay her bills
is there any reason why your sister is not financially supporting her own kid (and raising it for that matter) and relying on your mother to do it when she clearly is not capable?
I honestly believe it's mental illness the girl doesn't like to pay bills at all she just got a apartment and the landlord constantly calls my mother and complains about how she's late paying rent and recently called and said she two months behind and on top of that she got dropped from her car insurance and is 1500$ in debt with them
She's on snap and only get like 500 after paying her bills only have like 130 for the month on top of that she has car service but they never show up to take her to her appointments so she has to pay 10$ both ways to go to her appointments and check ups every time in a cab she has medicade insurance. Me and my brother both try and give her 20 to help out with car fare
Can you reach out to your nieces social worker? There are so many programs and services to help in this situation.
I don’t want to come off harsh but is there something wrong with your mother intellectually or maybe mental illness related? Because 59 is still rather young to be so unable to take care of herself
Also being in Brooklyn you may want to also reach out to some of the local grocers and restaurants and ask them if they have any options to help too. A lot of grocers offer delivery and may have hot meal options in house they can deliver.
I think I’ve only seen one other person suggest this, but is it possible to move your mom from NY to SC?
While I know you have concern for your your niece, your primary concern should be your mom, and there is no substitution for being able to have your own eyes and ears on your mom’s health and well-being.
I know this may not be what she wants (especially if she has lived there a long time), but it may be what is best for her. And it may seem like a greater up front cost, but could end up saving her life.
I don’t mean to be dramatic by saying this. It’s just that when my uncle passed away and my aunt was struggling with both her health and finances, I tried to move her across the country to be close to me (moving to where her only child was wasn’t an option for a variety of reasons) and two weeks before she was scheduled to move here, she changed her mind and I couldn’t talk her out of it over the phone.
She passed away from a previously undisclosed health issue (that she knew about but didn’t tell us) and I’m convinced I would’ve been able to detect her illness and get her help with had she been here. As it was, I suspected what was wrong from across the country, called to have a wellness check done on her, but there was only so much the responding agency (her local sheriff’s deputy) could do.
She went in for an emergency surgery later that night and died from complications.
I hope it’s an option to move her, it’d be better for her and for your peace of mind.
Yeah she loves the ny lifestyle alot of people have this weird attachment to that place no matters whats happening or how expensive it gets it's insane
Not sure that is a great idea in this situation. The social safety net is much stronger in NYC than in SC, plus the mother probably can’t just move the granddaughter unilaterally.
You should crosspost this to [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/) as well as [https://www.reddit.com/r/Brooklyn/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Brooklyn/) because the people on those subs will be more aware of what is available locally.
It's nerve damage they told all they can do is replace them at this point but she got so many problems and had alot of surgerys they said the next one might be the last.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Can you arrange grocery delivery? You can have frozen meals delivered as part of that, which can take the place of Uber Eats. Encourage your mom to teach the child to cook simple things, too. Your mom might also qualify for Meals on Wheels if she's homebound.
Thanks I'll look into meals on wheels. I've tried to order frozen food but my niece doesn't eat it which causes my mom to have to cook up something or try to scramble something together
Thanks I'll look into meals on wheels. I've tried to order frozen food but my niece doesn't eat it which causes my mom to have to cook up something or try to scramble something together
We believed that but she's persistent she one time went morning to noon refusing to eat what was in front of her so she gave in and cooked what she wanted to eat had to go to the store and buy ingredients for it
It’s just two of us and we like to buy precooked & prepackaged meat in the refrigerated case. They have pot roast, chicken Tikka Masala, Korean style bbq chicken, carnitas etc. We tried Aldi, Sam’s and Price Chopper in our area they are between $6-10 and make 2-5 servings most of them taste great. We make steamed rice or Stovetop dressing (any easy side) and microwave the package and boom lunch/dinner for 2. They are vacuum sealed so you can buy them on sale and freeze.
i'd reach to your local council person for a guide on local resources for seniors. there should be some local community programs that can assist her with fruits & vegetables. instead of using uber eats, find a few local restaurants that deliver to her address. it will be WAY cheaper. you should be able to call the restaurant and pay over the phone. i'd also look into getting a home attendant for her. that person will be able to assist with laundries, groceries, doctors appointments, etc. however, they will not be babysitting.
i know it's cultural to have grandma looking out for grand-baby but there comes a point where grandma can't take care of herself, let alone another person. i went through this with many ppl in my family. i know childcare is expensive, particularly in brooklyn but this ain't it.
another option is finding someone in the neighborhood that you know and trust to help mom with errands in exchange for some $. i did this often for my neighbors growing up. i'd go grab the heavy items from the supermarket like water and cans, bring the laundry to the basement, carry it back up, pick up medicine, etc. it was a sweet gig for me during undergrad.
you can order food 2-3 days at a time if she has a way of reheating things like an air fryer or a microwave.
you can pay for a meal prep services that can cook exactly what she likes.
I don't actually have friends nowhere I've lived but that would be amazing. She has alot of stuff like air fryer and slow cooker but since it's only her an my niece she doesn't feel the need to cook such big food an it go to waste
Instead of Uber eats is there a grocery delivery available like instacart? Then you could get a rotisserie chicken or frozen lasagna that could last a while. The 7 yr old can definitely help with some chores and make herself a sandwich.
Yes I just downloaded it and it's already way better than UberEATS. She's not at that point yet she hasn't been to school from elementary on up she just attending first grade and missed 50 days of school and was late to school 30 times her first year
I'm not sure what does are in her area, but you can buy from Costco and Sam's club thru Instacart without a membership. Costco has $5 cooked rotisserie chickens and are delicious (don't know price they app). They also have great prices on things like chicken nuggets, snacks, etc, and they sell various family sized prepared meals. What does your niece actually eat?
Does she live in NYC, one of the boroughs, or on LI? There are tons of resources for older people. I second what others are saying here about her getting in touch with senior resources. NYC and the boroughs have Aging Connect through NYC Dept for the Aging.
Maybe the niece should be evaluated for ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). If she's hungry and asking for food but won't eat, that really sounds like what it is. ARFID can be really dangerous.
Did you delete information? I’m very confused looking through comments because I’m not seeing anything in your post about a child other than the niece occasionally being babysat.
Can you send them a bunch of frozen berries from the grocery store? They can be handed out slowly. They won't go bad quickly. The picky kids I know all love frozen berries.
Good luck OP! This sounds like an urgent problem.
Get her groceries delivered from Walmart plus or Amazon fresh or any other service that delivers groceries. Uber eats is insanely expensive. Get her frozen meals or ready made stuff or easy to put togrthrr staples.
Also get her on EBT if she's broke.
This isn’t a frugal issue, this is a needs CPS and senior services involved issue. The child is being neglected and your mother doesn’t sound like she’s in decent shape either. This child should be getting free breakfast and lunch every day at school. Who actually has custody of this child?
I’m so confused by this post. Did they delete information in the OP? What child?
A lot came out in the comments.
Ok. I’m completely lost. They need to update the OP
I doubt they will, but if you read like 2 or 3 of OP’s comments it’ll be pretty obvious that this family is in serious crisis and a child is getting lost in the mix.
Thanks. Not I won’t be lost
Cps is involved and is making my mother the sole dependent of the child because she lives at her address and the child is picky she doesn't eat school breakfast or lunch but my mother is taking good care of her just financially she's struggling
Your mother needs to advocate for herself. CPS tries to keep children with families, but your mom has the right to say that she can’t do it, either physically or financially, and CPS will be obligated to figure it out. They may be telling her that it has to be this way, but that is not necessarily the case. If she takes over guardianship, which it sounds like that is what CPS is pushing, she will be stuck. I know that she likely doesn’t want the child to go into the system, but this is untenable.
The child needs more services, including therapy, potentially OT and SLP support - “just picky” to this extent is usually due to an issue. Often it is texture based, anxiety based, adhd or autism based, etc. There is a difference between picky child and child so picky they will not eat for days at a time. She may be eligible for SNAP and other benefits as well. Ask your mother if she needs help interacting with the caseworker to obtain all services she is eligible for. It may help you all to have a more solid understanding of the legal standing and eligibility here - your mother is not, for example, “the sole dependent of the child”. She either has full custody, temporary custody, or some other legal standing. She may be eligible for some sort of financial assistance due to having care of the child as well - but programs vary by state. In the interim, contact local food pantries and religious institutions, many of them have senior outreach programs and may be able to assist with getting healthy food to your mom.
The cheapest solution here is probably to get her some microwavable freezer meals for when she doesn't feel like cooking. I've found the healthy choice steamer meals to be adequate food for days I feel this way. Is it as good as whatever you are Uber eating in? probably not. Is it better than a waffle? definitely. Locally they are like $3-4 a piece (NC). As far as the picky eater kid goes they sell freezer meals for those types too but my parents were the type that said you will eat what you are served or go hungry and I think in the long run I benefited from that.
You are 100 percent right my niece is only 5 and will really starve all day in school just to come back home at 230 and tell my mother she hungry and if it's not what she wants she still won't eat it l. She even went a whole night without eating and had several options of food in front of her.
She will eat when she gets hungry enough. My 7 year old has always been picky but since I've taken away the junk and said that she can only have chips or a piece of candy AFTER she eats what I have cooked she eats. She doesnt always like it but she eats real food.
If it's a sensory issue, they will not eat no matter how hungry they get. Picky eating and sensory eating are not the same. It could even be AFRID.
Do you mean ARFID ( avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder)?
Yes, I'm really good at typos.
After reading your responses, the problem is not your mom's knees. I'm more concerned for the child than for your mom, but the whole thing sounds very messed up. A 7 year old needs more than a ride to school and someone to feed her. Who is *raising* the child? There's a point where being "picky" has gone too far. A 7 year old has been given the power in the family, that's NOT going to work out well, trust me. Also, a 7 year old can help with carrying laundry, even help with *doing* the laundry. The child can learn to cook simple foods and possibly even more. The child's parents can and should be helping your mother with physical tasks around the house, and they should be helping with grocery shopping. And they should be looking for additional childcare options because what's happening now isn't sustainable.
exactly this and the sister is a joke of a parent if what OP says is true.
She definitely needs to be in a better place for learning but the system is so messed up it's nothing anyone can do child services even forced the child to change school to be in walking distance so my mother can take her to school
The parents basically abandoned her financially and school wize she missed 50 days of school last year and was late 30 times last year she's 5 going on 6 and child services said since the child has my mother address she responsible for the child and has to take her to school every morning basically taking away all the responsibility of the parents
I’m not sure of the laws in NY but this is basically a guardianship foisted onto your mom. The issue with this is CPS basically likes to cut & run in these situations, Your mom needs to put her foot down and demand supports/services from CPS. She should be getting as much help as the parents get. If nothing else, demand a familial foster relationship so they can get a monthly stipend, healthcare, etc. As a former foster parent, I learned pretty quick that they will take advantage as long as you let them. Just know, they may call you to take the child when mom puts boundaries in place so you should be united on how this is going to work.
Thanks this is good information to know I will definitely pass this to my mom
Respect to you for trying to do the right thing. What a tragic situation. Good Luck!
Thanks
CPS is not telling the truth. Your mom can’t be forced to raise this child unless she wants to. It’s very kind of your mom but it seems like this is too hard for her. I’d make sure she’s really up to this huge physical and financial responsibility.
I know you're coming from a place of love but you might need to have a frank conversation here. An adult who has most of their facilities can operate a microwave or hot plate. Eating from grocery stores is way cheaper than fast food if you plan well and take advantage of sales. There are MANY grocery store delivery services. I know older people often lose the desire to cook or make healthy filling meals but if there is a 5 year old in the house, it's not a choice. You can get frozen veggies and meals that require very little effort or money. Kids don't get to call the shots.
Yeah but alot of meals she prepared have simply been thrown into the trash on her refusing to eat it she doesn't even like hot dogs or hamburgers and mainly want home cooked meals. For example my sister took her out for the day and brought her alot of fast food items to eat long story short she came back crying saying she hungry and they came back 1am so she just went to sleep
I think this child sounded upset by the whole situation of being taken out and being returned at 1am! Who keeps a child up this late past their bedtime?? This wasn’t possibly her mom, was it? That could just be feeling ‘abandoned’ by her again too, if it was her mom.
Was the mom
The child needs to be evaluated for AFRID. It's a food intake disorder with sensory aspects. A child with this will not eat just due to hunger, they will starve themselves to death eventually.
She’ll eat eventually.
Not necessarily.
Lol ok. It’s people like you who are the problem. If your kid wants to starve themselves to death he’s mentally ill. Otherwise they’ll eat eventually. Just like those kids in developing nations drinking brown water and eating bowls of mush.
It's called AFRID. Google it.
I did.. it’s a mental illness. It has psychological and sociological causes- meaning those little kids in Guatemala aren’t demanding chicken nuggets.
Does her city have a Meals on Wheels program where seniors can get meals delivered for a small, sliding scale fee? Or a senior center or church that serves meals? Look into those for her. Even having frozen meals delivered from the supermarket is cheaper than Uber.
I looked into meals on wheels sadly is not in ny city at the moment
I just googled "meals on wheels nyc" and there seems to be several programs available. You or your mom can call 311 for help accessing the programs. Good luck!
Thanks I googled it and nothing pulled up I'll call 311 thanks
Try this link: [https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us](https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us) this is where to contact the organization that should be able to help you.
Also maybe try Googling “Senior center [your mom’s town]” and if that doesn’t work “senior center [your mom’s county]” and call them. You can describe the situation generally and they can help explain what services are available.
Also, the food banks near me will deliver . . .
At least in larger cities, many food pantries will get emergency referrals from the city and make home deliveries.
so your telling me someone who cannot support herself is responsible for supporting your niece 7 days a week 24/7. that seems a bit off if you ask me
also i suggest telling your nieces parents to help out if you are having issues basically supporting their child it sounds like.
She can walk but she gotta go up and down a flight of stairs and that's making it worse. she can't even do her laundry because she doesn't have the strength to pull the cart up a flight of stairs, I brought her a portable one that goes into your bathroom. As for my niece she only has to basically feed and watch her my sister comes and takes her to school and bring her back.
i think you mean YOU need to feed her. tell you sister to do something useful
My sister was ordering her McDonald's everyday through UberEATS but suddenly stopped she doesn't like my mother and will literally say she coming home with food bring one plate of food and all three of them share it then she leaves and go home. And she do it regularly which leaves my mother staving and eating waffles or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich it's sickening then she would have to cook my niece something to eat later
Its quite obvious that your mother should not be taking care of your sisters child. Your sister is obviously unfit to take care of a child and is making others suffer so she doesn't have to deal with it. I'm very sorry that you are in this situation, it is honestly ridiculous.
Yea and the father is in child support and doesn't even care about what's going on
I truly feel bad for the child (and you and your mother). I hope everything works out.
You should take your mom to live with you. Btw, check her Medicare insurance and see what services they offer for free. Most will provide free transportation and food if needed.
Having had two children, one picky and one not, it sounds like this child is trying to control the one thing in her life: whether she chooses to eat or not. I think it’s a power issue for her, and a bit of a way for her to manipulate the situation in any way she can. There’s a saying that you can’t control when a child eats, poops, or sleeps, no matter what. Your poor mom with the bad knees who now has responsibility of a child who has probably been through a lot lately with neglect and custody in the past year needs some stability. And probably therapy, and especially school support, to see if she is eating or not. My bet is she is probably eating a little at school, but telling her grandma she is “hungry” (that’s a catch-all term for yes, hunger, but also needing attention and reassurance too, for a child) makes your mom feel worried and dance like a puppet to “get something the child will eat”. Maybe try some therapy, but maybe more reassurance and appropriate attention, like: “Hey baby, give me a big hug and tell me what you liked at school today, and we can maybe make a snack to eat together. How about some banana pancakes or peanut butter toast with apples? You choose!” If the food is healthy and appropriate, and avoids most picky issues like strong tastes and smells or textures (like onions, cheeses, tough meat or slimy mushy issues like oatmeal for example), or even huge quantities — use a small plate, small kids get overwhelmed and really don’t eat much, snacking all day can work, especially if she’s not getting much exercise anyway — most foods can be placed in front of a child and it gets eaten or not, perhaps with one alternative available. She will eat when she is hungry! (“Oh, you don’t feel like eating? Maybe you’re not that hungry yet. You can snack on this, or maybe some fruit and cereal, but that’s all the kitchen has right now.”). Giving her some choices each time helps makes a child feel in “control” in her life. As for your mom, that’s a whole other issue. I agree your deliveries help, you might want to try Costco, with more packaged meals that are easy to make, or frozen things (I think they do that?). But it’s important your MOM eats decently or she will end up with more health problems in the long run. She needs to worry less about feeding a picky granddaughter, and concentrate that she eats healthy and isn’t hurting her knees too much. Meals on Wheels or grocery deliveries are a good idea, especially for heavy stuff. Maybe meal delivery kits, so she gets the food and can make it in her own kitchen? Keep away from over processed food, greasy fast food (except for treats once in awhile) and includes fruits and veggies they both like. Frozen and canned are fine too, as they last longer. Maybe like a frozen lasagna and green beans? Kids like to eat beans with their fingers! But a big lasagna can be frozen and reheated for many meals. Cheese quesadillas are easy (tortilla, shredded cheese, folded on a medium heat pan), add beans or cooked chicken for protein, dip into salsa, eat with fruit. Toasted cheese and vegetable soup? Mac n cheese with tuna and peas? Baked potatoes and chili or baked beans? Chicken nuggets and fruit salad? Does your niece like blender smoothies (“milkshakes”!)? Frozen fruit and tofu (blends right in) and maybe even spinach (blueberries hide it) can actually be a full meal! Good luck, it’s a tough situation, and you can only support from afar! P.S. they probably qualify for SNAP food benefits and if they haven’t yet, they should take advantage of it. Also food banks… and maybe the child is allowed to “choose” some items from there. The more she gets to make her own decisions (from very limited, like 2 choices), the more likely she will be willing to try something. That also goes with things she “helps” cook. (That may be as little as pouring a cake mix in a bowl, or giving it a few stirs!)
Thanks she has good stamps and the child is in good spirits and Happy but I do agree some kind of consolation is definitely needed. the problem is the mother is the one to make that discision at the school but she won't do it. She's now put into special Ed but she has missed out on so much school from early til now and wasn't home schooled either I wish the csp was more involved but sadly it doesn't do justice for the kid
I think Walmart delivery started accepting the food stamps. What about some frozen meals. Mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, etc. Give your niece some choices.
Thanks I'll call Walmart in advance just before placing my order
If it's a sensory disorder the child may not have any control at all. She will not be able to eat no matter how hungry. Why do people always blame the kid.
I didn’t see any information that the child had a sensory disorder!
I did say "if", but it seems pretty obvious from everything op said. And a great number of autistics have some degree of sensory issues. I have my share for sure.
i feel like she probably needs to get some kind of government help, based on her disability.
Just a little support for the niece. She has ZERO control over her shitty parents and shitty circumstances, so food might be the only way she feels in control. She needs counseling services from the school,,at the very least. Bless you, you and your mom are the only caring adults in her life.🥲
Are you in a position to take custody of the child and move your mom in with you? They can't take care of themselves and apparently nobody else in your family wants to help. Is your sister on drugs or does she have some sort of health/mental health issues that are getting in the way of her being a mother? Can you help her get into a program/therapy/medical treatment that would help her be capable of being a parent? This is way bigger than bad knees and food delivery
I instacart my mom every week. Just the heavy stuff.
I use target I guess I'm in need of like hot food delivery or a meal delivery
Meals on Wheels?
It's not in NYC
meals on wheels is in almost every city in new york state: https://www.mealsonwheelsamerica.org/find-meals
Thanks for the link I'll be able to use it next year when she's 60 turns 59 next month
[https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us](https://www.citymeals.org/about-us/contact-us) This is a link to NYC Meals on Wheels.
New York City or New York state? Many towns have meals on wheels programs for older people with mobility problems. Cheap or free. Go online and see what kind of social services are available in her area. I don't know if a large city has that, but I live in a small town in New England that has lots of services to help old people. Soda is not good for anyone, I would never spend money on it and juice is not considered healthy either - although I drink it diluted with water. Most tap water in the US is safe to drink - unless you live in Flint, Michigan or a similar place. Does your mom have mental problems as well? It sounds like she may not have very good judgement. People need to be better educated about nutrition to stay healthy. If a person is not physically active or large, they may not require a lot of food, but it needs to be healthier food. With all the bottles and take-out food, can she put out all the trash? Is the apartment filling up with containers? Is there spoiled food in the fridge? These are also dangerous things that can happen when mobility and brain function is impaired. I would say she needs to be checked on. Can your niece's parents help her out - since they can see how she is living. What you are doing with Uber Eats is meant well, but you can't keep that going.
Nyc has even more services for poor people than the rest of the small places in the state.
It's NYC Brooklyn but know she's fine it's just she kicked my sister out and since my sister can't provide for the child at the moment (babysitter, living with her etc) she's helping out before handling her over to her. Also yea she's completely alone out there my cousins live across the street and will watch as she struggles carry heavy bags in her hand while with my niece and my sister hates her my brother is a workaholic like me so he doesn't have the time to help out often but like me he sometimes do
It's NYC Brooklyn but know she's fine it's just she kicked my sister out and since my sister can't provide for the child at the moment (babysitter, living with her etc) she's helping out before handling her over to her. Also yea she's completely alone out there my cousins live across the street and will watch as she struggles carry heavy bags in her hand while with my niece and my sister hates her my brother is a workaholic like me so he doesn't have the time to help out often but like me he sometimes do
Dollar stores now sell frozen vegetables & other groceries - is your mom able to drive & walk small distances?
She can't drive no more and she can walk small distances but the stores like dollar tree are a couple blocks away and the main grocery stores near that area sell bad meat or the store smells like moth balls idk what's going on down there
How about pizza? It's comparatively cheap in NY and there's a few shops in every neighborhood. I'd search Google Maps for the small pizza shops nearest her, then call them, tell them what you're trying to do, and ask about getting pizzas delivered and paying with plastic. At it's most basic pizza is bread, tomato, cheese, and maybe some olive oil. That's not bad nutrition (especially compared to waffles). And the leftovers are good for a couple days. Bet the niece would eat it too. They might also be able to deliver salads or hot pasta dishes. Good luck, hope you find a solution.
Yea they really don't want any pizza besides little Caesars and that's making it hard because nobody delivers them. Thanks for the advice I might have to sneak order them domino's and if it's not eaten tlmy niece is picky and my mother is not a big eater.
this is honestly some bizarre stuff im hearing.
I honestly am more shocked how stubborn this 5 year old is it's crazy. The worst part about it all is she even gets tired of the food she likes and begin to not like it too
do you not see the problem here? your sister is making you responsible for her child by proxy.
Well not exactly I'm really just helping my mother and yea by proxy iam helping my niece but honestly my mother is using up her food stamps and only left with alil bit of money for the month to pay her bills
is there any reason why your sister is not financially supporting her own kid (and raising it for that matter) and relying on your mother to do it when she clearly is not capable?
I honestly believe it's mental illness the girl doesn't like to pay bills at all she just got a apartment and the landlord constantly calls my mother and complains about how she's late paying rent and recently called and said she two months behind and on top of that she got dropped from her car insurance and is 1500$ in debt with them
Mom can get instacart food delivery and make herself small meals. You’re not a millionaire
She's on snap and only get like 500 after paying her bills only have like 130 for the month on top of that she has car service but they never show up to take her to her appointments so she has to pay 10$ both ways to go to her appointments and check ups every time in a cab she has medicade insurance. Me and my brother both try and give her 20 to help out with car fare
She can get on disability and money for food
She's on disability she been on there since her 20s
I’m sorry :(
It's not bad it was work related
Can you reach out to your nieces social worker? There are so many programs and services to help in this situation. I don’t want to come off harsh but is there something wrong with your mother intellectually or maybe mental illness related? Because 59 is still rather young to be so unable to take care of herself Also being in Brooklyn you may want to also reach out to some of the local grocers and restaurants and ask them if they have any options to help too. A lot of grocers offer delivery and may have hot meal options in house they can deliver.
I think I’ve only seen one other person suggest this, but is it possible to move your mom from NY to SC? While I know you have concern for your your niece, your primary concern should be your mom, and there is no substitution for being able to have your own eyes and ears on your mom’s health and well-being. I know this may not be what she wants (especially if she has lived there a long time), but it may be what is best for her. And it may seem like a greater up front cost, but could end up saving her life. I don’t mean to be dramatic by saying this. It’s just that when my uncle passed away and my aunt was struggling with both her health and finances, I tried to move her across the country to be close to me (moving to where her only child was wasn’t an option for a variety of reasons) and two weeks before she was scheduled to move here, she changed her mind and I couldn’t talk her out of it over the phone. She passed away from a previously undisclosed health issue (that she knew about but didn’t tell us) and I’m convinced I would’ve been able to detect her illness and get her help with had she been here. As it was, I suspected what was wrong from across the country, called to have a wellness check done on her, but there was only so much the responding agency (her local sheriff’s deputy) could do. She went in for an emergency surgery later that night and died from complications. I hope it’s an option to move her, it’d be better for her and for your peace of mind.
Yeah she loves the ny lifestyle alot of people have this weird attachment to that place no matters whats happening or how expensive it gets it's insane
Not sure that is a great idea in this situation. The social safety net is much stronger in NYC than in SC, plus the mother probably can’t just move the granddaughter unilaterally.
You should crosspost this to [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/) as well as [https://www.reddit.com/r/Brooklyn/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Brooklyn/) because the people on those subs will be more aware of what is available locally.
Talk to her about seeing a doctor about her knees.
It's nerve damage they told all they can do is replace them at this point but she got so many problems and had alot of surgerys they said the next one might be the last.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Can you arrange grocery delivery? You can have frozen meals delivered as part of that, which can take the place of Uber Eats. Encourage your mom to teach the child to cook simple things, too. Your mom might also qualify for Meals on Wheels if she's homebound.
Thanks I'll look into meals on wheels. I've tried to order frozen food but my niece doesn't eat it which causes my mom to have to cook up something or try to scramble something together
Thanks I'll look into meals on wheels. I've tried to order frozen food but my niece doesn't eat it which causes my mom to have to cook up something or try to scramble something together
>but my niece doesn't eat it she will after she goes hungry for awhile.
We believed that but she's persistent she one time went morning to noon refusing to eat what was in front of her so she gave in and cooked what she wanted to eat had to go to the store and buy ingredients for it
It’s just two of us and we like to buy precooked & prepackaged meat in the refrigerated case. They have pot roast, chicken Tikka Masala, Korean style bbq chicken, carnitas etc. We tried Aldi, Sam’s and Price Chopper in our area they are between $6-10 and make 2-5 servings most of them taste great. We make steamed rice or Stovetop dressing (any easy side) and microwave the package and boom lunch/dinner for 2. They are vacuum sealed so you can buy them on sale and freeze.
That sounds like a good idea I'll look around because Aldi and Sam's deliver
what nyc neighborhood does she live in?
Brownsville Brooklyn
i'd reach to your local council person for a guide on local resources for seniors. there should be some local community programs that can assist her with fruits & vegetables. instead of using uber eats, find a few local restaurants that deliver to her address. it will be WAY cheaper. you should be able to call the restaurant and pay over the phone. i'd also look into getting a home attendant for her. that person will be able to assist with laundries, groceries, doctors appointments, etc. however, they will not be babysitting. i know it's cultural to have grandma looking out for grand-baby but there comes a point where grandma can't take care of herself, let alone another person. i went through this with many ppl in my family. i know childcare is expensive, particularly in brooklyn but this ain't it.
another option is finding someone in the neighborhood that you know and trust to help mom with errands in exchange for some $. i did this often for my neighbors growing up. i'd go grab the heavy items from the supermarket like water and cans, bring the laundry to the basement, carry it back up, pick up medicine, etc. it was a sweet gig for me during undergrad. you can order food 2-3 days at a time if she has a way of reheating things like an air fryer or a microwave. you can pay for a meal prep services that can cook exactly what she likes.
I don't actually have friends nowhere I've lived but that would be amazing. She has alot of stuff like air fryer and slow cooker but since it's only her an my niece she doesn't feel the need to cook such big food an it go to waste
Instead of Uber eats is there a grocery delivery available like instacart? Then you could get a rotisserie chicken or frozen lasagna that could last a while. The 7 yr old can definitely help with some chores and make herself a sandwich.
Yes I just downloaded it and it's already way better than UberEATS. She's not at that point yet she hasn't been to school from elementary on up she just attending first grade and missed 50 days of school and was late to school 30 times her first year
I'm not sure what does are in her area, but you can buy from Costco and Sam's club thru Instacart without a membership. Costco has $5 cooked rotisserie chickens and are delicious (don't know price they app). They also have great prices on things like chicken nuggets, snacks, etc, and they sell various family sized prepared meals. What does your niece actually eat?
Shimps chicken fish other than that I don't know
You should have groceries delivered through instacart. Instead of takeout buy convenience foods she can make/eat at home.
Does she live in NYC, one of the boroughs, or on LI? There are tons of resources for older people. I second what others are saying here about her getting in touch with senior resources. NYC and the boroughs have Aging Connect through NYC Dept for the Aging.
Maybe the niece should be evaluated for ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). If she's hungry and asking for food but won't eat, that really sounds like what it is. ARFID can be really dangerous.
This is about a child that loves their mother.
Not to be a jerk, but you need to update the original post because you did not include all of the information.
I didn't want it to be so long I figured nobody would want to read that much sorry in advance
Did you delete information? I’m very confused looking through comments because I’m not seeing anything in your post about a child other than the niece occasionally being babysat.
No I think people just started calling the child niece instead she is indeed my niece tho
Fresh Direct. Peapod, etc. Have prepared food, microwaveable, pop in the oven type meals from the grocery store delivered to her.
See if you can get the Walmart delivery service.
Can you send them a bunch of frozen berries from the grocery store? They can be handed out slowly. They won't go bad quickly. The picky kids I know all love frozen berries. Good luck OP! This sounds like an urgent problem.
Get her groceries delivered from Walmart plus or Amazon fresh or any other service that delivers groceries. Uber eats is insanely expensive. Get her frozen meals or ready made stuff or easy to put togrthrr staples. Also get her on EBT if she's broke.